Christmas Dragonfly
Disclaimer: I don't own GA
A/N: I know I've got to make a thousand excuses to answer your question why I only updated right now…
I'm so sorry guys, I'm just… well… let's just say it came to a point where I was thinking if I would delete my fanfic account or this story, I dunno… I'm just glad my mind changed!
I do hope you did understand, I'm very sorry…
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Chapter 14: Seeing you with him
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His pain
Love, I promise you
My love won't change
You'll always be the one I love
That song played as people started to get on with the party. I looked outside, slowly, snow covered the pavement once more, though it did not stop the party.
I sighed heavily, I just can't go through this anymore…
I rubbed my sweaty forehead even though the temperature sunk down as minute passed. I felt so nervous, like something is about to happen… but then again
"I lost her," I uttered to myself, accepting complete defeat for the girl I loved and lost. I never fought for her and she would never love someone like me. She was strong-willed while I showed her how weak I was, I could never be the man she would dream of every night she laid herself into her slumbers.
Even though you'll go away
And I'll get hurt
I promise you I will never change…
"Damn that song," I cursed under my breath as I ran my fingers through my blonde hair. It reminds me so much of her, "I'll do whatever that darn song says. Even now, you hurt me and stay away, my love, why won't it change?" I asked myself and buried my face against my palms. Sitting down, alone in one corner as everyone was in their party spirits, I felt so down, I felt myself sink.
I opened my eyes to my surroundings, everything was in the party mode. People were smiling happily, they danced in the slow music like partners do, others were pigging themselves with the food, flirting with the people they find attractive, others just having plain party fun, lights turning into different colors. Sounds of laughter and songs, steps and dancing filled my head. There were party designs, balloons and colorful backgrounds around me and yet…
My love is only for you
And my love
You have to know…
Why can't I feel it?
Why can't I feel what I'm supposed to be feeling right now?
Why do I feel so solemn…? As much as I want to be a part of my ambiance
"Imai Hotaru…"
Once
I'll love you only one
Once
I'll be there only once
Loving you for me is endless
Because only once means forever…
She keeps crowding my head, she keeps me alive. She keeps my eyes straight, I have never been in-love like this since I met her and I know I can never be as long as it's only her. She's the only one I can give my heart out like this, she's given me so much that I just don't know… I just let go
"Once," I uttered. "This song really knows me." I smiled at the corner of my lips. I can only love her once, once is enough. Once is too long and too painful yet, the ride is always worth it. I'll suffer pain forever cause I loved her once, and once will always mean…
…for eternity…
forever…
"Nogi-san?" A familiar voice rang into my ears. I put on my mask quickly and faced her with a small smile.
"Hai, Nonoko-san?" I replied calmly, trying my best not to think of her, not to listen to that damn song playing.
Once only in my life
Will I meet someone like you
Do you love me too?
"Damn that song," I thought trying to concentrate to whatever Nonoko is trying to tell me.
"Are you feeling ok, Ruka?" She asked me and placed her hand against my forehead. "You don't look so well."
"So she's noticed," I thoughts. "Don't worry about me!" I said trying to make my voice sound cheerful. "I'm fine!"
"Well, ok…" She answered my, I sensed she didn't actually believe my senseless excuse.
"So, what brings you here?" I asked, escaping her thoughts of what's happening inside me.
"Nothing," she replied and waved her hand. "Gotta go, I just checked you out because you seemed to be out of yourself earlier."
"Oh, ok." I said and sighed.
"See you Ruka and I hope you are fine!" She said to me. "Kokoroyomi is waiting for me! Ja!" And with that she ran away.
"Can you believe it?" I shook my head and sighed heavily once more. "Even Kokoroyomi has a better love life than me!"
"Is that so?"
My heart will always be with you
I promise you
You're the only one I pray for
"Yui?" I answered and saw her.
"Why are you surprised to see me?" She asked me and raised an eye brow. "I did tell you Natsume told me to do so."
"So he's still not back." I inquired.
"Nope, he and Sakura Mikan," she replied and pushed her hair behind her ears, revealing her control device dangling from her ear. "They were reported to still be in action, but not an MIA. No worries, they are special trained Alices while I'll yet to become one."
"When do you think they'll come back?"
"Next week or so," she replied and crossed her arms. "The mission isn't actually in this country. I haven't got full details all in know is its in Europe, like escorting some ambassadors and sweeping up some clues about the Anti-Alice Organization there."
My love is only for you
That's why my love
You have to know…
"Damn that song!" I shouted barely only for the two of us to hear. She stared at me with wonder then smirked her thin lips.
"I get it now," she uttered and took the sit next to me, averting her eyes to the people on the floor, happy and in the party mode.
"Good for you," I answered and closed my eyes.
"Well Ruka, you can't blame the singer or the writer that he or she wrote the song or sang it that has something to do with your love life," she answered me calmly.
How could she answer me so calmly? Was it because she was trained to be hard, cold and like Natsume?
Or is it because I'm the only one feeling the pain and burden of love inside of me
Once
I'll love you only one
Once
I'll be there only once
Loving you for me is endless
Because only once means forever…
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I felt my heart shatter, I wanted to kneel and break out, crying in front of everybody here. My knees went weak and my vision was vivid, the pain… it's so painful…
"Calm down," Yui voiced to me, tell me?
How can I calm down?
My heart will always be with you
I promise you
You're the only one I pray for
I feel so shattered inside, I feel so down
I can feel my eyes filled up with tears, everything inside me shattered to painfully, if I was an angel it was like my wings were taken from me, slowly…
I felt the feeling of breaking down, it's like I was lost in the snow…
I felt my body weak as I lay down slowly with the snowy weather
I felt like I tried running to catch her, take her hand and kneel down, say that I love her so much, that I don't want to let go
But I body bailed on me at the last minute…
"Hotaru…"
As the hallucination got worse, I felt everything coming true…
I can sense the cold breeze of the winter air go into my body… my body failing me as my eyes were half lidded…
"Hotaru…" Her name was the only one I can muster with my remaining strength.
I smiled as my pale hands touched the snow; the snow was the one that gave her to me…
My love for you is endless…
Forever
I can only love you once
Once
and that's enough
Because one time means forever…
I can feel my strength disappearing from my body, my body failing me as I felt the snow getting heavy against me. I want to see her eyes; I want to see her smile, a smile only for me…
"Hotaru…" Her name was the only name that kept me going, trying to win…
But then, she left me here in the snow because I never fought for her
This is what I deserved as a coward…
As the snow got me, my body failing and my senses freezing all I can see is her…
"I guess dreams can never come true…" I uttered as hot tears ran through my eyes. As half of my body stopped functioning, I can feel my eyes filled with endless tears… making me sees why I didn't fight for her…
I felt my heart burst, shatter slowly as my tears filled up faster, my heart almost stop beating as I can feel it break in me… I can never mend it now
"Hotaru… I…" I wish I could say the words I want to say to you… the words I've always wanted to say so badly…
"I lo-lo…"
The words that kept my heart in tack for all this time you captured my heart in a sudden chance..
"I love…"
But then everything ended so sudden… I can never see you again…
"I love yo-yo…"
Hoping somehow you'll
Once
I'll love you only one
Once
I'll be there only once
Loving you for me is endless
Because only once means forever…
"I love you…"
Somehow, you'll love me too…
My eyes were half lidded yet still full of undying tears, wishing somehow she was beside me to hear all of this pain…
"Hotaru… I've always loved you…" I uttered slowly as I felt my tears still flow but my eyes closing slowly. My whole body numbed and cold…
My heart broken into pieces as my heart still longed for her
Her smile
Her eyes
Her everything
I can still see myself running after her…
After her…
But she broke my heart too much as I can bear…
"I love you…"
I hope she loved me too…
Because loving you means living for you
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Suddenly… my eyes were wide open as I felt the wind suddenly run with great speed against my body
"Ruka?" A voice asked me, it was Yui, she was still there.
But why do I feel all alone?
Why do I feel like I'm the only one in this world anymore?
Yet I see so much around me, why do I feel so empty?
I touched my face and felt something wet and warm, "Tears?"
I was crying? How come, I don't know about it?
What happened? What is happening to me?
"Ruka?"
She called for me once again.
"Yes?" I answered, still confused with my tears.
"Are you ok?" She asked me.
"I dunno," I answered and placed my hand over my beating heart.
"…"
"Yui tell me," I said and looked at her straight. "I want to know."
"Know what?" She asked calmly and seriously. I knew she wanted everything to her straight forward.
"I want to know what happened, why?" I asked her and looked at my palms. "What happened? Did I cry? Did something happen? If yes, what then? Why do I feel so lonely, empty and alone? You've always been there beside me all this time. So what happened?"
"What?" She asked a little surprise.
"What is it?" I asked, getting a bit hysterical. I feel so alone
I feel so incomplete…
What did happen… I don't know or do I remember
"Yui tell me!" I asked aggravated as she just looked at me with her piercing jade eyes and a emotionless look. "tell me!"
"You're such a coward," she said and stood up. "What did you do?"
"What did I do!" I asked her. "I don't remember, so tell me!"
"Darn it Ruka!" She replied and I silenced. She paused for awhile, trying to calm down herself. "You erased you're memory."
What did she say?
Once
I'll love you only one
Once
I'll be there only once
Loving you for me is endless
Because only once means forever…
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A/N: Well that's such a party bust! Well, I'm changing the mode of this fic now… since I didn't get to finish it in Christmas… New Year and New life!! HARHAR! If you don't get it… just read!
-Mitsukai Kansei