Chapter 14

JJ was back at her desk one week later. The team had visited her after she'd returned home from hospital to see if she needed any help, each time without Rossi. They had simply refused to ask him if he wanted to come along, partly because they didn't to spend any more time with him than absolutely necessary, and partly because they feared it would upset JJ too much if he was there.

Rossi himself didn't want to impose, so he didn't say anything, knowing that if JJ needed his help she would not forget her promise and ask him. He wanted to start things slowly, primarily because he feared that if he pushed too hard and went too fast, she would shut him out completely. So he settled with calling her every other night to hear how she and Henry were doing, and if the baby was okay.

The calls were a bit awkward, as they both didn't really know what to say and JJ hesitated from engaging herself in the same deep conversations she had had with David before her pregnancy, but she also felt that she was loosen up more with each call. She didn't want to admit it, but it felt good to hear his voice, and she was grateful that he wasn't pushing too hard.

On her first day back, JJ spent great parts of the morning sitting in her office, waiting for each member of the team to pay her a visit. She had actually planned on catching up with her paperwork which had piled up on her desk, but when Prentiss rushed in barely five minutes after she got settled, she knew she would not have a quiet morning.

It didn't take more than ten minutes after Emily had left that Morgan knocked on her door, asking the same questions: "How are you? Are you sure you're strong enough to be back? How's the baby?" After that it was Garcia, who – JJ had to give her credit for that – at least made her smile by bringing one of her trolls over from her lair to keep her company. A short time later, Reid showed up, rattling through statistics about the connection between working expectant mothers and early labor, and the risk of having another baby before due day after the first had been early. She didn't quite understand what he was talking about, but it only made her nervous, so needless to say he didn't last longer than five minutes inside before JJ threw him out with the threat of giving birth momentarily right in front of his eyes, if he did that again.

And as if JJ had known it, merely fifteen minutes later Hotch stopped by. Before he could even say a word, she blurted out: "I'm fine, Hotch. The baby's fine, Henry's fine, I'm well rested, I took all the meds the doctor prescribed, I had a decent breakfast, the coffee in this mug is decaf, and I have no plans whatsoever to leave this desk until the afternoon."

"It's all right, JJ." He couldn't help but let out an amused chuckle. So everyone else had already been there.

"I just came-"

"To check on me, I know. You're not the only one this morning. And I appreciate it, I really do, but as you can see I'm rather busy with all this paperwork here that's screaming for my attention, and I'd love to be done with it before midnight, which will be impossible, if one of you walks in here every five minutes."

Hotch lifted his hands in defeat. "Okay, I'll be back at my office then, if you need anything."

"Thanks, Hotch. And on you're way back, would you please tell the others that I don't want to see them again unless it's work related? I'm not sure if they understood me earlier. If there's anything I need, I'll call you."

"I will." With a wide grin he went out, closing the door behind him.

*********

JJ engaged herself in her files, and was relieved to be able to minimize the load step by step. She didn't notice how much time had gone by when she suddenly heard another knock on her door. Glancing at her watch she realized that it was already lunch time.

"Come in," she called out, a bit surprised that whoever was outside hadn't already simply entered without waiting for her signal, as it was usually the case.

The door opened slowly and Rossi stepped in, waiting between the door frame to see if she was okay with him being here.

"Hey, JJ," he began softly, relieved that she didn't throw him out right away. "I- I wanted to see if you're okay, and, uhm, maybe want to grab some lunch?"

JJ knew she shouldn't be surprised about his attempts, but for some reason she was anyway. Maybe it was because she'd rather expected Emily or Penelope to take her out on a lunch break, which, by the way, was something she hadn't scheduled for today, and had therefore brought her own food.

"Ehm, no thanks," she replied then, seeing the disappointment surfacing in his eyes.

"JJ. Jennifer, you need to eat and take a break. Think about the baby!" Rossi pushed as gently as he could.

"I brought my own lunch," JJ stated firmly, pointing at the brown paper bag on one of the free chairs next to her. "And I'm fairly able to take care of myself without your supervision," she added a bit more harshly than she had intended to.

Nodding, Rossi went on. "Anyway, I just came to see if you're okay."

"I am." JJ said shortly, trying to ignore the warm feeling in her stomach caused by his appearance and his concern.

"Okay, so I'll see you then." His whole body language made it clear that he didn't want to go just yet, but he respected her boundaries, and turned to walk out again.

"Let him go!" JJ told herself, but at the same time she heard her voice calling after him.

"Dave!" He quickly turned around and stepped back in, hope mirroring in his face.

"Yeah?"

"Why don't you sit down with me for a minute?"

Smiling, he closed the door and took a seat in front of her desk.

JJ sighed deeply and began to speak: "I need you to listen to me, okay?"

The tone in her voice told him that he most likely wouldn't like what she was about to say. Nevertheless, he nodded.

"David, I appreciate your concern, but you have to trust me that I know what I'm doing here. This isn't my first child, remember? I'm able to take care of myself."

"I know that, JJ-"

"I wasn't finished."

He gestured her to go on.

"I need you to give me some space."

"Jennifer, I didn't-"

"Please, Dave. I know you want to make things up to me, but you hurt me too much to make me forget it just like that. We'll be seeing each other here at work every day, and that should be enough for you for now. I won't try to avoid you, as I did in the past months, but please don't push any harder. It was really nice of you to call me at home, and it's okay if you continue to do this every other day, but I'm still not ready to spend more time with you alone. Can you understand that?"

Lowering his head, he consented quickly.

"Give me some time to get used to you again." She looked at him intensely, asking herself if she was doing the right thing. She hated to see him so broken, but then, it was his own fault. For now it was best if she stood firm and ignored the butterflies that rushed through her whole body whenever she saw him. It was a good sign that it didn't hurt as much anymore when she looked at him, and it would also make working with him a lot easier, but she still had to guide her heart after everything he had done to her.

After a few moments of silence, Dave looked up again and smiled weakly.

"You look better, Jennifer. It's good to see you look better."

"Thanks, Dave. I feel a lot better. I hope we can work together more easily now."

"We can. I promise."

**********

Unfortunately for Rossi, this did not apply for his relationship with the rest of the team.

Of course, Hotch was as supportive of him and of JJ as ever, and Dave appreciated it a lot knowing that he hadn't lost his best friend, despite all of his mistakes, but Prentiss, Morgan, Reid, and Garcia were not as positive.

Sure, their work relationship remained professional, they worked their cases as usual, but apart from that, no one bothered to speak with Rossi.

They knew JJ had told them not to interfere in her and Rossi's business, she had also asked them not to shut their colleague out, but they couldn't help it. After hearing how much he had hurt their best friend and sister, it was simply impossible for them to look at Rossi the same way.

He had become a vital part of the team easily, someone they could all look up to and confide in, someone who would have their back unconditionally, and it had been more than just a shock to realize that he did not live up to the high expectations they'd built in him.

Rossi knew that they would need time, just as Jennifer, and he tried hard not to be affected too much by it. He had tried to explain himself and apologize a few times, but they would simply stand up and leave when he did it, so it was pretty much useless. And who was he to blame them? He had only to blame himself, so he simply kept doing his job, trying to ignore the fact that he was being ignored and shut out completely.

When they were away on cases, he mostly stayed in his hotel room alone, while the others were having dinner together, or going out bar hopping and clubbing after a case was closed. He tried to remind himself that he had always been a loner, that he liked being on his own, but the truth was that after coming back to the Bureau, and after working with them for two years, he enjoyed being part of a team, of a family even. He had finally belonged somewhere, and sitting alone in his hotel room or at home, he could no longer fool himself: He was lonelier than he had ever been in his entire life.

Above all, he missed JJ, missed talking to her. She had made it clear that she needed space, so he strictly stuck to calling her not more than twice a week. These phone calls were his highlights, especially when she allowed him to talk to Henry for a minute.

And while his relationship with Jennifer gradually and very slowly began to heal, he became more and more of an outsider to the rest, and it was something that even Hotch couldn't miss.

He was the only one who tried to spend time with Rossi, who tried to get him out for dinner, or brought dinner to his room.

"I could talk to them, you know," Hotch suggested, but was immediately held back by Rossi.

"Don't worry, Hotch, I'm fine."

"You don't look fine. And this is not what JJ wanted. She didn't want you to be excluded, and I'm sure she didn't want you to exclude yourself."

"Again, Hotch, I'm fine. I deserve this."

"If she knew-"

"Then she'd be upset with them and I don't want her to worry about that, Aaron. Believe me, it's a good thing that she's not on the cases with us at the moment, and I'd appreciate it, if you didn't tell her. This is my own fault and my fight, and I don't want JJ to feel responsible for it."