Ok, I'm aware that this took WAY too long, and i apologize. On a good note, I did get the next chpt back when i got this one back too, so no torturous wait to read that. I'll post that next week. ;)

I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.

Chapter 14

I push through the front door as calmly as I possibly can, which is not very calm at all. It slams so hard that the crystal chandelier above rattles and I fear it may fall as I rush through the foyer and up to the stairs. "KAELIE!" I holler at the bottom of the steps. "KAELIE!" I yell again into the living room. I can hear the clanking of her heals before I see her. Her hair shines brightly in the sunlight that breaks through the windows of the deck door. Her eyes sparkled at the sight of me and her smile spreads wide.

"Jace, you're home early." She shuffles up to me with her arms open and I push away from her embrace.

"Is there something you need to tell me?" I seethe and push my hands on my hips. She steps back, a crease forming between her big green eyes. Her lips part and I can already hear the lie coming off her tongue.

"No," she shakes her head.

"No?" I question and lean toward her. "NO?" She shakes her head once again and I feel like I'm going to burst. I run my hands through my hair and push out a burst of air. "Then please," I grit out, "Explain to me why I have Isabelle fucking Lightwood…Lewis…whatever the hell her name is, congratulating me on being a daddy." I stare daggers at her pale face. The lie slips out easily and I don't even feel bad about it. Her smile returns and my stomach flips.

"I wanted to tell you myself, but she beat me to it. Isn't it great? I'm so excited." I feel the blood drain from my face as she claps and bounces on her heels. I want to run, screaming. This can't be happening. It's not real. This nightmare needs to stop. My body needs to jerk awake covered in sweat with Clary next to me. This is a sick fucking JOKE. WAKE THE FUCK UP! "Jace?" Kaelie cocks her head and I put my hands up to stop her. "What's the matter? Aren't you happy?" I scoff and let my head fall. I can't help the humorless laughter that follows.

Kaelie looks at me like I'm crazy, and maybe I am. Stark raving mad. My mind went back to the timing of it all. I don't even remember the last time I touched the woman in front of me. My mind has been so consumed by Clary that there's nothing left for Kaelie. "I need a drink," I say, my tone flat. Kaelie sticks out a pouty lip, most likely unhappy with my lack of enthusiasm. Can I go full circle with my plan now? I can still make sure Clary doesn't lose her ranch, but can I leave Kaelie knowing she's pregnant? My father always said, 'A man is made by his decisions. The important ones are always the hardest, but your choices are what make you who you are. Stand by your word, and always follow your heart.'

Follow my heart. My heart aches for Clary, but I can't leave a child fatherless. I won't let another Herondale wonder aimlessly through life the way I did. I can't escape this. My hands shake as I pour the amber liquid into the crystal tumbler. The glass clanks even with my efforts to steady myself. What do I do? God, what do I do? Kaelie wraps her arms around my center and she hums into my back. "I hope it's a boy and that he looks just like you." The image I had didn't come close to resembling Kaelie. I had to resolve myself with the knowledge that that image would never become a reality. I would never see the child with strawberry blond hair and Clary's green eyes. I would never smile at the news that Clary would bring our child into this world and make me a father.

I think my heart stopped beating. I think…no, I know without a doubt that Kaelie has just shattered my world. Instead of celebrating the way a new father should be at the news of a new life, I'm mourning the loss of Clary. She is but a distant memory now, a dream to end all dreams. And she is gone. I spin in the circle of Kaelie's arms and she smiles a weak, questioning smile that says, 'why aren't you happy?' I push her hair over her shoulders and plant a kiss on her forehead as I pull her in. I feel little chips of my heart breaking away. It's dead but I can still feel them fall. I have a little person to think about now. That's what's important and it's what a man would do. This life won't be bad.

Before Clary, I was content in the knowledge that Kaelie and I would build a life together with a house, kids, and a dog that barks at anything that moves. Before Clary, this was OK. Before Clary, I was blind to what real love should feel like. Before Clary, I was the shell of a man who didn't know his purpose. And without Clary, I am nothing.

"I hope it's a boy, too," I whisper into Kaelie's hair. She hugs me tighter and sighs her relief. She looks up at me, resting her chin on my chest she says, "I love you, Jace."

And here it is, the lie to trump all other lies, "I love you, too, Kaelie." It feels rotten on my tongue. Those three words should never be pushed past my lips unless directed at Clary. Kaelie cups my face, pushes up on her toes and our lips meet. They're not the lips I want. They don't taste or feel the same. They're not HER lips. I pull back, "When is the baby due?" Kaelie's eyes sparkle at my interest.

"April seventh. But this might put a kink in the wedding plans. I've already been fitted for my dress and now, now I might be bigger." I shake my head and take her hands in mine.

"You'll look beautiful no matter what." Not a lie. Kaelie is a beautiful woman; she's just not the one I want. I spend the rest of my evening laying with Kaelie on the couch trying to get my mind in the right place; trying to will the dead muscle in my chest to beat for this woman. I've made a promise to love her, to take care of her and I will not break that promise any longer. She tells me what names she likes as she draws circles into my palm. She tells me her vision for a nursery and the theme she wants it to be. Then I can't help but think if the nursery she's dreaming of will be HER old room. It won't be. I'll make sure of that.

I will give Clary one last token of my appreciation for all that she's given me; her tears, her memories, her secrets, her knowledge, her body, and her love. I will give her the ranch she so desperately wants to keep because now, that's all I have left to give her. My heart is no longer mine. It is nestled safely inside Kaelie's womb, as it should be. I will give my child my all, my everything, because that's what it deserves. That is my decision.

~oOo~

"Clary," I hear a soft knock on my door. It's my mother. I don't want to talk to her right now. I know I'll say things that shouldn't be said and I'll hurt her. That's not something I want to do. I don't want to spread my pain around anymore than I already have. It was a shock to see her in Luke's arms, but was it really unseen? No, of course it wasn't. It should be normal that she have an outlet for comfort. I may have overreacted. I didn't even give her a chance to explain. For all I know, he was just being a good friend and consoling her in her time of grief. At my absent response she says, "Can I come in?"

I sigh, pad over to the door and open it. She stands before me a broken woman. Her eyes are puffy and her cheeks splotchy, just like mine after a bout of tears. She's not recovered from my outburst and I feel ashamed. I should never have spoken to my mother that way, but I'm broken. My heart still beats the way it should and my lungs still breathe, but I feel…nothing. Whatever the force that brought Jace and me together, fate, destiny, whatever, I wave my white flag and concede. I admit defeat. It has broken me, but I can't take that out on my mom.

"I want to explain," my mom starts, but I hold my hand up to quiet her as I sit on my bed. She takes a spot next to me and fidgets in her lap.

"I don't need an explanation, Mom. Luke is a friend. He's been here helping you through everything with dad and I'm sorry I overreacted." My mom smiles a sad smile before speaking.

"You do need an explanation, Clary, because what you saw wasn't Luke being a friend." I look up shocked and I want to scream at her but I wait. "Luke and I have a history that you and Jon have never known about. We dated in high school, but after graduation Luke left to tend to his ill sister. When he came back, I was married to your father and Jonathan had already been born. I've never stopped loving him, Clary, but that doesn't mean I didn't love your father, too." I look away not knowing what to say and I feel her warm hand press against mine.

"I can't fault you for loving someone, Mom, but it's so soon, too soon."

"And it's been too long for me. I will always love your dad, but it's not the same way I have always and will always love Luke."

"Are you saying you prayed for dad to die so you could be with Luke?" I ask incredulously.

"I prayed for your dad's release so he would no longer suffer, Clary. That is entirely different. I have always been faithful to your dad and would stand by his side no matter how many years he lived because I did love him," she said.

"Did," I scoffed and pulled my hand away.

"Clary…"

"Like I said, I can't fault you for being in love, but don't expect me to accept this so openly with dad's memory so fresh." My mother gives me a sad nod before pecking my forehead and quietly exiting my bedroom. I fall asleep with my knees pulled up to my chest and tears falling down my face. I've been sucked dry and they still fall, traitors to my minds command for them to stop. I begin to wonder if they ever will. If the hurt will go away and I won't feel broken. I want peace for my aching heart. But tonight, no peace comes.

I'm woken by Jonathan belly flopping onto my bed. With a groan, I kick at him but he just chuckles at me. "You look lovely as ever." I knew my hair was a wild tangle of frizz but I didn't care. I no longer had a reason to attempt to look good. Strike two had dealt a deeper blow than strike one and I wasn't about to go out in public just yet anyway. "Come on, sis." Jon tugged at my blanket in an attempt to wake me up. I was awake I just hoped I was dead and that me and Satan were going to have a tea party while I spilled my guts about Jace. "Talk to me, Clary."

The comforter went flying and I shot up to give him an evil glare. "What would you like to talk about? I know, let's talk about where you've been for the last few years while our dad was dying. Let's talk about where you went when my best friend was blaming me for her past transgressions. Where were you when I needed someone in my corner?"

"A part of me wishes I had been here, and the other part of me is glad that I wasn't. Me being here would have made things worse than they were," Jon said with a sad expression. I let my head fall so he doesn't see the tears fall down my cheeks.

"Where did you go?" I whispered while fidgeting with my pillow. Jon propped himself up on his elbows and waited for me to look at him before he answered.

"Seattle, L.A., Vegas, Dallas, Miami, Philli, New York; I went everywhere my money would take me. When I got sick of one place, I moved on to the next."

"You didn't even want to come home when you heard dad was sick?"

"No," his head dropped and he shook it. I gave him a questioning look and he continued. "I didn't want to remember him that way. No one wants to see the strongest person they've ever met lying in a hospital bed with barely enough strength to breathe, Clary. At least I thought dad was the strongest person I'd ever known, but then there's you." He smiled at me and cocked his head.

"I'm not strong, Jon. I just did what I had to do."

"That's what makes you strong. Mom wouldn't have made it without you. Dad probably wouldn't have lasted as long as he did if you hadn't come home. I wouldn't have come home if you weren't here. You're the glue, Clary. Everyone is where they are at because you brought us here." I smiled but didn't believe a word he said. I did everything I did for the love I had for my family. After all, they were all I had in this life. Money can buy many things but not family.

"What city was your favorite," I asked to change the subject.

"They all had their perks and downfalls. Seattle has the mountains peaking against the horizon, L.A. has nice sandy beaches, Dallas is just…hot," he chuckled. "Philli has the history and New York…New York was probably my favorite. It had everything, the people and places. It's such a mixture of life. Some living day to day, paycheck to paycheck while others stroll Wall Street like they have no care in the world. I never told you that I ran into Kaelie, did I?" I felt my eyes widen and my jaw fall slack, but I had to play it off like I didn't care.

"Where did you see her?" I looked down and played with my quilt.

"At a bar. It was right before she came home, actually. She was with some of her snooty college friends, but she had no problem ditching them."

"Oh yeah?" I said, "And where'd you take her?"

Jon chuckled making my whole bed rumble. "To the back alley."

"Classy," My eyebrows jumped on my forehead and I nodded. He laughed and I paused. "You screwed her in an alley right before she came home…with Jace?"

"Yup," he sighed. "Poor bastard's gonna marry her cheatin' ass now." My heart hammered in my chest and my breaths became shallow.

"Sh-she's pregnant," I stuttered. Could it be possible? My mind was a mess at the moment so putting two and two together may be a bit skewed from my prospective. Maybe I was just formulating this in my mind because I really didn't want Kaelie to have Jace's baby, but if the alternative was that the baby was Jon's…well, that could be even worse.

"Sucks to be him then," Jon sniffed a laugh. I shook my head and pushed onto my knees.

"Jon, when you had sex with her did you use anything?"

"Yeah, my cock."

"You're such an ass." Jon smiled at me.

"I don't remember," he said. "I was mildly intoxicated at the time."

"Mildly?"

"O.K. incredibly. Is that better?"

"Jon," I pushed closer to him on my knees and held my hands up like I was afraid he might run, or more like try to deck me. "Is there ANY possibility that the baby she's carrying is yours?" He gave me a blank stare, licked his lips and picked at his fingernails.

"There's always a possibility isn't there? I mean, no form of birth control is a hundred percent effective, right? But, the chances of that are almost nil. How many times do you think Jace has fucked her in the past couple months, Clary? I mean come on, you don't think he was holding out on her just because he was getting a piece from you, do you?" I didn't say anything in response. I just stared at him instead. He had no idea what Jace and I shared, no clue how we felt. "Clary," he whispered. The look on his face told me I wouldn't like what he was about to say. "He's marrying her and he is going to have a baby with her. As much as I hate to say it, he played you. Don't do this to yourself. I don't want to see you hurt like this."

The traitorous tears sprang down my cheeks once again, but I wouldn't make a sound. I wouldn't allow the sob that threatened to double me over. Jon pulled me in and wrapped his arms around me and we rocked as he shushed my whimpers. "It's going to be alright," he murmured and combed his fingers through my hair. "So you want me to cut his balls off?" He pulled back to ask. I laughed but shook my head. If I've learned anything it's that, you don't hurt the people you love, even if they've hurt you.

I knew I wouldn't recover from this today or even tomorrow. I did love Jace. A fact that was hard for me to accept in the first place. However, if Jace was happy with Kaelie and the new family they were building together, I had to step aside. It was because I loved him that I would do that. It was because I loved him that I would suffer in silence. It was because I loved him that my heart was broken and would never be fully healed.

So you know the deal...besides wanting to shoot me because this took so long.

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