UPDATED CHAPTER! UPDATED CHAPTER!
UPDATE 2013: This chapter has been edited after my long hiatus. After re-familiarizing myself with the plot, new ideas popped into the mind and decided to explore. The essence of the story is THE SAME, but scenes have been re-imaged and dialogue improved to make this a more cohesive story. Hope you like the changes.
Author's Note: Hello to everybody and once more...(for the umpteenth time)...thank you for your support. This story would not be what it is if it wasn't because of all of you out there who want to read. Well, Thanks to all of you that have left your reviews, they are really appreciated. My apologies for the gramatical blunders you may find here, I really try my best to make sure this story is as easy to read as possible. I still would like to find a beta for this story. You guys deserve it. So if you're interested, feel free to drop me an email or a PM, whatever suits you best. Though I am not going to be as strict as before, I would prefer someone who has written something in this forum, but we can work the details over the emails.
About the story...This is the story of two individuals getting to know themselves and know each other so they can understand why is it that they belong with each other. For those trying to get Playboy Channel...wrong channel. Please, let this characters take you through their emotional changes, and guide you though their triumphs and failures...they're smiles and their tears. I tried to make these character as HUMAN as possible, and yes...human sexuality is part of human nature so you will see some action, but be patient. Every action and reaction is subordinated to the plot. One thing I apologize for...this chapter is quite long. It took me hours to go over it trying to trim and condense it, but I really wanted to give you a clear pictures of what goes through the mind of the protagonists while still trying to be true to their natures. Hope I succeded on making these characters as 'real' for you as they are 'real' for me.
Lastly. Please, let me hear you. I love to hear your opinions, complaints, critiques, in one word... SPEAK OUT because I'M LISTENING even if you don't like the story, you are entitled to express your opinion and I am obligued to respect it, so go ahead and let your voice be heard.
Now enjoy the chapter...that I would like to dedicate to the anomymous readers. Thanks guys for your support!
Chapter 14: A PIECE OF MY SOUL
Batman heard the door of the basement open slowly and a pair of footsteps that slowly approached him. He thought it was highly unusual for Lou or Punch, to come down here this late at night. Still, he needed to stop the preparations for his escape and pretend he was asleep. He put the small device he was working on under his pillow and set down to sleep covering himself with the blanket.
The Detective lay very still on the floor of the cage, covered in the wool blanket and barely breathing while all his senses focused in the strange nocturnal visitor. He had hoped it would be one of the children, that had ventured by himself into the basement to satisfy his or her curiosity. God knows he needed an ally in this hell, and if he could organize the kids, he could save them all after taking care of the Clown and his gang. Bruce opened his eyes very slightly and glanced quickly beside him when he noticed a pair of purple bunny slippers staring back.
"Bats." He heard a voice speak in a playful falsetto. "Wake up, Bats."
Not a winner, Bruce, that's Joker.' Batman thought as he ignored the Jester and didn't move for a long time. He wasn't in the mood to hear the Clown tonight. The voice called to him again and he just limited himself to moan and turn away. It was too late to listen to the rants of a delusional madman, Batman thought. Maybe he would go away. The Clown snorted indignantly and stomped his foot on the floor.
"FINE! Ignore me all you want then. I'm gonna go and kill me some small kids instead." The footsteps started to fade away and quickly stopped again. Bruce turned very slightly on the floor, still faking been asleep, just to have a chance to get an inconspicuous look at the Jester. The Clown Prince had stopped by the wall about a dozen feet away. He set both hands over the exposed brick on the wall and caressed it softly with his naked hands. The Batman noted that the Clown Prince had a sudden chill and pushed himself off the wall as if it was electrified.
"No, no…I'm not serious. I am not going to hurt anybody. I promise." Joker's breathing was fast as he was nervous, maybe even…afraid? "But I can't sleep, and I know you can't either. You're trying to find a way out of here, how can you sleep?"
'And you're going to do something to prevent me from doing just that, aren't you maniac? Bruce thought. His muscles tensed under the blanket. If Joker was going to try and drug him again, he will fight it and the Clown will regret it. This looked like it was going to be a long night…
"You know Bats, this thing between us is not working as well as I expected." Joker said sadly turning around and reclining his back against the brick wall. He sighed and slid himself down to the floor. The Detective could see the Jester's Sponge Bob pajama pants and bright yellow shirt, which the Clown wore open to expose his very pale chest. The Jester's face looked hardened and saddened; his cheeks were very prominent and large dark circles around his eyes confirmed that he had not been sleeping well lately. The Joker looked unusually thin and tired. He pulled something from one of the pockets of his pants and started to play with it between his hands. The ripping sound clued the Detective that he was shuffling a deck of cards. "I think I know why."
The Jester cut the deck in his hands several times…the sound of the shuffled deck was the only sound echoing in the basement for the longest time. Then the Joker went on. "You said I wasn't able to give back and at the beginning, I didn't understand. Now I know what you meant…I don't want to give anything. Not because I can't, but because I'm afraid. I am afraid you'd hate me and hence be lost to me."
Batman listened attentively.
"Yes. I know what you're thinking. I am totally out of my mind, and make no sense, but let me tell you something." Joker continued as he kept shuffling the cards absentmindedly in his hands. "For the first time ever, everything is making sense. And the truth is that I don't want you to hate me, I never wanted for you to hate me."
Batman heard the Clown sniffle. "It happened once to me, you know? My father, the kids at school. All hated me for reasons that are not important now, but I remember how awful that felt. That's the important thing and I don't want to feel like that again, because I felt…so lonely." Joker stopped shuffling. "Until I fell in love. That was the best time of my life and I did not feel alone. I loved how it felt to get back home to someone who needed me as much as I needed her. Have you ever been in love, Bats?"
Batman remained silent, but attentive. Joker sighed and continued shuffling is deck. "I don't know who you are so I will assume that in your fake life you have had significant others. And you had lost them, because of who you are. I lost mine too Bats, because of what I am. It is a curse that followed me everywhere I went, as yours have all this time. And for me, losing her was something I could not take, so I gave it all up. Even my sanity."
"It was easier to not feel a thing. Just imagine the world as a big gag and me as the comedian bringing down the punch line. It was easier to take away from others; since killing is second nature to me. Then you show up and I knew you and I were so much alike. You are as angry as I am, and you are so dissatisfied with the world you live you create…well, you create the Bat. But you could be better. I knew then I had to make you better. Then we would be equals. Two sides of the same coin. You and me, my brother. My better half. And I don't want to lose that."
Joker let out a forced cackle. "Wish I could see the funny side of things but I can't anymore. Not when I know you are in a cage, like an animal. This is not what I had envisioned, you have to believe me."
There was a long and tense silence. Batman remained unmoving; more in awe while listening at his enemy speak in a rational almost sane tone rather than his usual ramblings. This was definitely an unexpected development, one that broke the detailed profile he had made of this madman.
"You're just being rude. Stop pretending you are asleep. I know you're listening." Joker said as his voice took an angry flavor. "HOW MANY PEOPLE DO I HAVE TO KILL BEFORE YOU STOP IGNORING ME?"
Joker sat back against the wall and ran both hands across his green mane, taming the wild curls that had started to attack his face. He was murmuring something to himself that sounded repetitive and almost mantric. The Clown finally giggled childishly to himself as he reclined against the wall again.
"Sorry, I didn't mean that either," Joker said controlling his fast breathing. "But it seems that you and I can only interact when I'm hurting someone. While I'm at Arkham…you don't visit, don't write. You don't know how lonely I feel when you are not around me, Bats. Alone, caged…" Joker made a pause. "…like an animal. God, I'm doing the same you do to me."
"I came to think that you only cared for me when I was out there, playing my games. Because they were only games to bring you and me together and they worked all the time, didn't they? I schemed and planned everything very carefully just to bring you up to my level, make you earn your place beside me. The comedian and his straight man. But you never cared, did you? Your hatred blinded you."
"I hate and love—ask why—I can't explain;
I feel 'tis so, and feel it racking pain. (George Lamb)
"It hurts me…to have to treat you like this. I spoke to your reporter friend Vicky Vale and she showed me the truth. You hate me, just like my father did. She was right. And I don't know how to fix that. Do you?"
Joker stopped playing with the cards and pressed his open palm against his forehead. "Maybe I could start by shutting up for a while and just listen?"
Batman finally pushed the blanket away and sat, staring intently to the Jester at the corner.
"Let the children go and surrender to the police." The Knight said. Joker cocked his head and rested his face against a raise knee. Melancholy filled his eyes.
"Then they will put me back in the cage and I will lose you once more. Why do I have to be the one to always give up everything? I am tired of living inside an acrylic cage, aren't you tired of having to stay in one as well?
"Give me more love, or more disdain;
The torrid or the frozen zone
Bring equal ease unto my pain;
The temperate affords me none;
Either extreme, of love or hate,
is sweeter than a calm state.
Joker went on after a long pause. "You prefer to see me locked away were I will not be seen or heard. You need to hide me because I embarrass you. After all I have tried to do to make you what you are, to give you the power you deserved. You really hate me, don't you?"
Another long silence followed.
"I don't hate you," Batman said in a low voice. He spoke very slowly as to make sure his words were clearly understood. "I hate what you do, because what you do hurts innocent people."
"Wow. That's the most word worthy thing you've said in days. Stinky told me you just wouldn't understand, but I didn't believe him."
"Stinky?"
Joker smiled softly and his eyes sparkled with childish joy as he searched in the pockets of his pajama pants and pulled out an old sock that had two green buttons sewn on for eyes and a tuft of green hair on top between the buttons. "Because what Vale said made more sense. I talk, and talk, and keep on talking without listening. I can't help it…is that enough reason to hate me?"
"You heard what I said…it is not you I hate and you have to tell me now. What did you do to Ms. Vale?
Joker looked down to the floor, his voice low and small. "Nothing."
"Joker, what did you do to the reporter?"
"Nothing really. It's not that important." The Joker retorted disdainfully and noted the frown in the Detective's face. "But if you REALLY must know we had some tea, and we chatted. And then I gave her a facelift, but not a permanent one, no sir. She should be out of the hospital by tomorrow."
"But you DID hurt her. That's what I hate about you, Joker. You hurt people and you don't care who you hurt."
"Ah, but I didn't kill her even when you very well know I could've," Joker stated triumphantly wagging an index finger as he rose and rushed to meet the man in the cage closer. "I could have… but I didn't, see? I taught her a lesson and gave her a reason to not forget me for quite some time. Where's the harm in some clown makeup and green hair dye, anyways?"
"You're missing the point, Joker…And since when you cared to spare one of your victims?" The Detective said angrily.
"Since she told me how much you hate it when I'm having too much fun. And I didn't miss the point…just, you know, bent the rules a little. Because Ms. Vale needed to be taught a lesson on respect….I don't appreciate it when people badmouth me publicly."
'I will add that one to your list…." Batman piped cynically.
"Don't mock me." Joker snapped.
"You are a living contradiction Joker." Batman said standing in his cage. "Don't want to be alone but you do everything you can to push everybody away. You don't want people to hate you, but you do everything people abhor. Wrong and right is just a jumble of nonsense to you."
"Rules are just bunch of nonsense. But you and I are beyond all that aren't we? I only care what you want."
"I want you to let the children go unharmed. Then I want you to go back-."
"-to the cage, alone and away where the world can't see me? I heard you, but you're not listening to me are you?" There was a long silence and Joker looked around the basement. "Where is Mr. Stinky? At least he listens to me."
"You think this is a game, don't you?" Batman said dryly.
"No! That is what I'm trying to tell you," Joker turned toward the cage again. "This is not funny anymore. Seeing you in that cage causes me pain and I dislike pain."
"Doesn't make sense…If you dislike pain….why do you enjoy inflicting it?"
"Because it was not my problem until now. Now it's me feeling pain and I don't like it. You see Bats, other people's pain always made me feel better. Eased my pain when everybody felt as miserable as I did and then I did not feel alone anymore." The Clown combed his green mane intensely while his eyes seemed lost in the immensity of the room. "My dad shared his frustration with everybody around him one whack at a time. It's what I know how to do, with the only difference, I do it with style and a punch line."
"Don't blame what you are on your parents, Joker." Batman responded angrily. He hated when people made excuses for their own mistakes. "You always had the choice of not repeating your parent's mistakes."
Joker knelt in front of the Batman. "I'm not blaming anybody. I'm just telling you how easily it is going back to what you know. Go back to the violence. You must understand. Your life is full of violence and what do you do? You spread that violence whenever you go. It is all you know."
"You don't know me Joker. I'm trying to stop the violence. Stop monsters like you from destroying the lives of the innocent people of this city."
"With even more violence. Nothing comes from nothing, Bats."
"I am nothing like you Joker!" Batman finally snapped furiously. "Stop trying to see me as your equal. We are not alike."
"If you want to keep believing that lie, it's your psychosis, Bats, but you are angry. Just like I am angry and we both lash at the world in our very own way. I call it comedy, you call it justice, but both come from a rage deep inside. It's a loneliness each of us forgets when we butt heads."
"You're crazy."
"And you are not? Because it is so normal to dress up as a rodent and jump from roof to roof and beat people up to a pulp, right?"
Batman listened carefully. He had had a loving father and a caring mother. In the Wayne house, the young Bruce was loved, and was taught to love back, but that one day was gone when his parents were murdered in front of him. Then it was only the rage, and Joker's words felt so close to his heart, but how? How could this madman know him as well as he knew himself? Joker is just one of the wackos murdering innocent people. Or was he something more?
"You can't begin to understand-."
"What…that someone tore your life apart and you decided get even? I was not always like this either. I tried to get away from what my dad taught me, and I met someone who for once trusted that I could do better. She encouraged me to be better."
Joker made a short pause and sighed before going on. "She nurtured my sick soul back to health. For once I was feeling something in my chest other than rage and when I thought my life had a purpose, but-like your world- everything crumbled and I she was taken away from me. I was enraged, lost and in so much pain. So I gave up the source of my pain…my memories…my sanity. Because reason only makes you sulk in that pain, something I have tried to teach you but you are one stubborn man. You still attach to your rage as you attach to that costume of yours."
"This woman you're talking about, what happened to her?"
"My wife? She was murdered, but why does it matter?" Joker snorted and shook his head. "Oh I see. You think I killed her too, don't you? Always black and white isn't it Bats?"
You…married?" The Knight asked surprised by the revelation.
"For a detective, you have missed most of the clues leading to who I am. I'm kind of disappointed, but then I doubt you could see anything more than your own rage. Yes, I had a wife once and a greedy…associate, took her away from me to teach me a lesson. Violence always finds its way to us, doesn't it, Bats? Lost her and the baby in one night."
Joker noticed the surprised look in the Knight's face after the revelation. "Don't worry, Bats, There is not Joker Jr. out there. She was pregnant when she was murdered. God, I can still remember her perfume and the joy I felt when she told me I was going to be a daddy. She was just…perfect. Like a Summer morning, warm, refreshing" The Clown buried his face between his hands.
"Do you remember her name? Do you even remember yours?"
Joker lifted his head from his hands and remained silent for a moment before smiling at the caged Detective. "Always the detective, aren't we? Of course I remember, but it doesn't matter anymore. She's dead, like the man I was beside her. Now it's only…Joker: the Clown Prince of Crime."
"Doesn't matter who you think you are now, there is always a part of the real you inside."
"And he is in pain, because he is angry, alone, misunderstood. I don't want to feel like that anymore. Jack has no space in my life anymore." Joker looked down and stared at the deck of cards with his face printed on the back, then sighed sadly.
"Jack…" Batman whispered as if trying to makes sense of the name. Such a common place name, but then so out of character for the Jester. It was so difficult to call this man anything more than a murderous clown, The Joker. The monster had suddenly become…human.
"And when I was in one of my moods, the name calling just got worse. But Crazy Jack died with her, and what was left of him disappeared in a vat of chemicals at the Monarch Card Company. Remember that day? It's my birthday."
Yes. Batman remembered. That was the night when he met face to face with the legendary Red Hood, at least one of the lesser crooks who had donned the title and the costume. Little did he know that in that dreaded night, an unknown crook would become his greatest enemy, and his most dangerous. Batman couldn't help to wonder if the Joker was his direct creation or an accident that could have been averted. Guilt accompanied that memory. If he could have prevented the Joker's acid bath…how many lives could he have saved?
"You made me that night," Joker went on. "And since then our lives have been intertwined." Joker said running a finger against the roughened floor.
"Jack…I didn't mean to…"
"No…no apologies." Joker said emphatically, through the strangeness of his own name, now pronounced by who had been his most hated enemy until now. "It was meant to be, because you needed a Joker in your life. Someone to bring the best on you, brighten your dark days with a smile while I needed…someone like me..someone like you. Only someone with so much rage inside as me could understand my rage." Joker wrapped his arms over his raised knees and rested his chin on them. "And if you hate me, it is all worthless."
"I said I didn't hate you…"
"But you act like you do. You always treat me like a thing you put away in a closet and ignore how it feels to be caged. If you don't hate me, WHY you do this to me?"
Batman couldn't answer that. The only thing he was sure is that he's only focus were the lives he could save from deranged monsters like the Joker. To save those lives, he had to shun any exterior distractions, and the criminals were good at creating distractions to defeat him. So he opted to close his mind and his heart to emotions. Batman couldn't feel…that would be the greatest distraction. The Dark Knight had to be strong, immutable, strike fast and hard, like an avalanche. He had to be focused in order to do his job and save lives.
He had shunned the Clown and his ridiculous antics and jokes, in order to fight his enemy. Joker was chaos…and he will fight it with order, but now…there was an eerie calm between these enemies. Joker was not out of control, laughing at jokes only he understood and murdering innocent people. Deep inside that comedic façade of the murderous performer, was a human being, who was extremely sad…and lonely.
"I need to keep you away from hurting more people…"
"And have you ever thought that I was hurting people because it was the only way to bring you out from your little cave? The only way to make you come to me? If you would have cared for me, I would've stopped."
"Jack…you can't stop…"
"I can stop whenever I want...if you want me to stop I will…just try me."
"You are ill."
"So are you, don't deny it. You are in pain too. You feel this…this rage burning inside you and you've wished the world would just burn around you. I did what I did for you …and me!"
"Jack, calm down. There is no need to…"
"DON'T YOU JACK ME NOW MR. BAT, AND DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN EITHER. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO LIVE MY LIFE…TO FEEL THIS … LONELY." The Jester huffed. "YOU ARE JUST LIKE THE REST OF THE KIDS IN THIS TOWN. YOU WONDER WHY IS IT THAT I HAVE TO MAKE A RUCKUS JUST TO GET NOTICED. AND THE MOMENT YOU NOTICE ME, YOU WANT ME PUT AWAY, LIKE A PIECE OF GARBAGE. NOT FAIR!"
"Joker…yelling is going to get us nowhere."
"IM NOT….yelling. I am just angry, and see…this is just pushing us apart." Joker turned around and walked away a few paces. The ruby lips pulled down in the saddest expression as he held his head between his hands. Batman just stared at the Clown Prince of Crime.
"I understand how you feel. You're not the only one that has lost something dear to him." The Knight contributed after a long silence.
"Finally, you admitted it. The day you lost everything to become the Batman."
"Yes. It was a dark day. But I saw light at the end of the tunnel."
"Me too, but I knew where that light was going to take me, so I just turned it off. I did not want to relive the pain like I had many times before."Joker let out softly.
It was just now that Batman understood the depth of the Jester's pain and loneliness, where the only thing left was to shun everything else and forget about the past, rebuilding himself a new image of the world while giving away the only thing that tied him to that world. His sanity. Without it, he would not be carrying the burden of what he left behind.
"You know, Bats, I always thought you would have lost a son, because dressing in tights is such a child thing. But then, if your wife would've survived, you would have not been so alone to become the Bat in the first place. Now I realize you're living an actual child fantasy, so whatever it was that happened to you, you were too young to know better. It was your mom or your dad, wasn't it? No, it was both of them…"
This clown was indeed brilliant and as good a detective as he probably was. He has been able not only of describe the fuel that drove the Batman, but the very incident that triggered it. Joker started to rock where he stood and continued. "I kind of knew that. You were sad…angry and wanted to avenge your family's death so you became the swashbuckling hero that saves the day. Admirable, but why didn't you give up your sanity? It would have been so much easier. Forget the pain because pain like that is just…unbearable. How could you tolerate that much pain without going mad?"
Bruce had tried to answer that question many times before. "I had a purpose…"
"Ahhh," Joker said with awe. "My life had been total chaos ever since I can remember…I can't focus. For me, life is like a rollercoaster with no brakes. And I make the tracks as I go. Better than having to look back."
"That is where you and I are different…"
"No we're not. You just imagine it that way. And to believe I wanted to make you feel my pain so you'd unders- OH MY GOD!" Joker stood straight as a board looking at the caged man on the basement. The Jester's green eyes glowed with surprise as he rushed a hand to his open mouth.
"What?"
"I just remembered, Bats. I killed your little buddy…the Bird boy…in Ethiopia."
Batman frowned as the memory hit him back. He had thought that he had let go of the past, but the image of the horrors Joker made his partner go through brought back the rage. Anger started to boil deep inside…this was the monster who had committed that horrendous crime. Something in the Detective's chest ignited. It was like a wildfire that threatened to consume him like dry brush. Was this pain, sorrow…or just hate? This feeling was too strong. He needed to focus his energy somewhere else…
"I don't want to talk about that…"
"But I do. You have chosen a kid, I felt displaced, I saw you weakened. Thought bringing up that rage of yours will bring you back to my level. God! Vicky was right. You must hate me."Joker buried his face in his hand and fell on his knees in front of the cage. The pain in his chest was burning out of control, like a furnace. He wanted this love to be a masterpiece, like a pristine piece of Murano glass, but it was tarnished, with blood…innocent blood. It was the blood of a child that was not supposed to have died…not like he did, under the crowbar held by a madman. "I didn't think of the repercussions then, but it just drove us apart. Stupid me… Will you ever be able to forgive me?"
"Joker…Jack… I…" Batman said as the fire within him started to subside. The murderer in front of him, actually felt remorse for his crime. The deep emotion on the Joker, the sincerity of the tears he could see about to flow down from the two emeralds in the Clown Prince's face, moved him deeply. The remorse of the murder was eating at the Jester's soul…but was the Joker capable of real remorse? This was new to him, as it seemed to be new to Joker himself.
Batman stared at the Jester's slim figure that was looking at him attentively. Forgiveness? The Joker is asking for forgiveness? How could he forgive this monster after such an atrocious act of violence? And it had been only one of many other acts of violence committed by the Joker. This monster did not deserve forgiveness…he deserved to rot in a cell in the bowels of a psychiatric asylum for the rest of his natural life…no…he deserved to die in the most horrible way possible…
Stop. Batman thought. He was letting his rage dictate his actions and that was wrong. He could be hurting deep inside, but he was always capable of doing what was right. But what was right now…? He had carried Robin's death for so long…how could he just let it go so easily, just like that? That death that had tortured his soul for so long, made him cry at dawn, the failure to protect those close to him. It had made him feel this…this anger…towards the criminal element of this city, against Joker. Anger…violence. Look where it had taken the Jester…did he want to be in the same place…? Feeling as lonely and isolated as the Joker had been feeling all his life
"You can't." The Clown Prince of Crime finally said after a long silence. "You must really hate me."
Batman realize the Joker was right and that he had used that hatred to fuel him. Whenever he fought the Clown, he wanted to inflict the most pain possible. Every new encounter bought forth even more violence as if trying to punish him in a personal vendetta that he knew one day would be out of control. It was time to put an end to this violent circle. Life was extremely short and there was not enough time for much. He needed to let this go in order to start living. He felt the words freeze in his throat as they refuse to leave and take away the heavy load of hatred kept burning for too long
"I. Forgive. You."
And these three words made his heart feel lighter. He had been carrying this hatred and this resentment for so long, that he had forgotten how it felt able to breathe the pure air of the city without his heart been constricted with the anger. Batman looked into the Joker's eyes that were still staring at him from between the bars. He could tell that the Jester was also different, relieved. He could see from the corners of the Clown's face a subtle smile, a smile that was spelling gratitude.
"One less card in this painful deck…one heavy card. Thanks." Joker picked a card from the floor and threw it at the barred cage. Upon making contact with one of the bars it caught fire. It was a Joker and soon it was just ashes. "The seasons are changing, Bats, and we…are evolving into something new. There is no turning back, you know?"
"What are you trying to say…?" Batman looked at Joker strangely.
"Nothing," Joker said with a shrug trying to look unconcerned. "You made me find myself once more, stop the rage deep inside, just forget the chaos and feel like I finally belong somewhere while you…You found that there is a part of you missing on life, because you let your rage blind you."
"I don't get what you're saying."
"Oh don't be naïve. What I made you feel before. The lust, the blood heating up in your veins. You felt something you obviously missed, and kind of liked. You didn't sound too convincing asking me to stop caressing you."
"Now you are delirious again. Seeing things that are just not there."
"No, it is you who is acting insane now. The Bat has nothing but the rage, and when I made you shiver, I brought the man underneath the surface and reminded him of what he's missing. Just like you make Jack come back from the darkness I brought back your humanity."
"What you did made me sick."
"Your incredible ability to lie to yourself and believe in that lie just amazes me. If you would have fought me hard enough to make this lie convincing, I would have given up and left you alone. Only an insane man would try the same thing twice expecting a different result. You enjoyed what you felt. You want to be a man, not just a creature of the night."
"I am a man."
"No, you're a force of nature. Like me. Elemental, instinctive and raw. When you put that leather costume on, you lose your humanity, just like I lose my sanity when I put the purple tux on and let Joker loose. Both of us are missing something in our lives, Bats. Something that completes us."
"You're psychoanalyzing me?" Batman said angrily.
"No, I'm asking you to stop closing your eyes to the truth. You'll remember every place I touched on your body, how they felt and you will remember it was me who primed them. It was not me calling to God when you started feeling something between your legs, Bats."
Batman's mind started to run fast. Could it be possible? Could what he felt under the Clown's touch, his own need to be loved and fulfilled? Preposterous…but possible? He should have been able to stop getting aroused, but the truth is somehow he was really asking for more. Shame filled him. No, this clown is manipulating him
"You can't be serious…"
"You are so blind. Just as you can't see beyond my green hair and fixed smile, you can't see beyond that cowl of yours. Just as I could not see beyond my insanity, remember? You are as lonely, in pain and as angry as me. You don't let anything open that cold heart of yours and that is only going to keep you lonelier, angrier and in more pain at the end of the day." Joker took a moment to sigh. "When was the last time a woman made you feel what I made you feel, Bats? Because you moaned like you have not been laid in a while."
"I don't need to discuss my intimate life with you."
"No, I guess not. You've probably have been with women before, but Have you had the balls to tell them who you really are at night?" There was a short but admissive silence from the Dark Knight. "Thought so. They would not understand, would they? I, on the other hand know what exactly makes my Cape Crusader tick."
We are one gigantic puzzle that can only be completed when we start to share the missing pieces Bats. Until then we are just half of what we could be. I realize now that my insanity was just a sign of my pain, but why can't you understand you are just a sign of the pain inside the man under the Kevlar? Why would you like to live been only half the man you could be?"
"Some of us, are what we are."
Then Joker felt a hand touch his shoulder. He lifted his eyes to meet the soft blue orbs of the detective that looked at him from inside the cage. The Detective had carefully extended an arm through the bars and the worn leather glove now rested firmly on the Jester's shoulder. Joker felt his heart slow down again. It was almost magical what the touch of the Knight could do to him…calming the beast inside and making him feel at peace…once more. He liked to feel at peace. It was like the calm after the hurricane, like the sunrise after a long and stormy night. .
"Then I am just a psychopath, even if I had left my insanity behind and faced my pain for you."
"I didn't mean-."
"You didn't believe. A wise woman once told me some of us can be a lot more than what we are now if only given the chance."
Joker pulled back from the reassuring hand and looked at the caged Detective with awe. The touch of the man became the first piece of the puzzle of his soul that fell into place. He felt calm once again, his heart was not racing and he was not angry anymore. He pushed his shirt over his shoulder and caressed his white naked skin with a bleached hand.
"Prove you can change. Let the children go."
"Why can't you just make a leap of faith and believe what I tell you? Why do I have to show you when you just need to trust? I can change, Bats. I'll do it for you. You'll see. But can you?"
"You've lied before."
"You don't offer me any hope of redemption, do you? Maybe I should just turn back and become the monster you think I am, cut all those little throats and paint the walls with the blood while re-enacting a Marx brother's movie. You'll like that. After all, I can't change, right?"
"No, you're misinterpreting my words."
"No, I am reading between them. This cannot work until you drop that iron clad label you put on people. Not everybody fits in those narrow profiles you want to put them. There is no black or white, Bats. Only grey…and purple."
Batman remained silent and Joker huffed angrily as he kept ranting.
"This is useless. All my efforts totally wasted. If that is the way you want it, then let's finish what we started shall we? Then we can go back to our miserable lonely, painful existences."
"You don't have to be…"
"SHUT UP! You getting me angry and when I'm angry, the Clown wants to have some fun. Have a good night, Bats. Rot in that cell!" Joker kicked the dispersed deck of cards in the floor and rushed up the stairs without looking back at the caged Detective.
And that was not a good sign.
Joker was a very troubled man. There were a lot of demons in the Jester's mind and many contradicting emotions in his heart. How could a man live like that…? Then the only answer came to him like an epiphany. The only way to live like this was to forsake your own sanity and twist reality to suit his needs. Create a reality you could live in, forgetting whatever made you suffer…even if it meant destroying the rest of the fabric of reality in the search of that happiness.
Joker had tried to create chaos to achieve inner order and peace and , for the first time he felt sorry for the Clown Prince, for deep inside he had understood that not everything in life was black or white…just a big smudge of grays. Why not trust for once in somebody else, Bruce pondered and the answer hit him hard home…because he had been let down so many times before.
And during the last few days, he could not even trust his own body. He had taste the prohibited…But wasn't the forbidden fruit the most delicious, sinful and sought reward? Joker was the man with the broken soul and the mind ruled by chaos, but he also had the Midas who has turned the forbidden into the most valuable treasure.
Batman had never felt anything…except pain. Pain that had been inflicted by his enemies, but never the Batman had felt anything like what he had felt at the Jester's hand. Pain that led to pleasure and the world seemed just…different.
This…was all…so confusing…
And more confusing was to see what an angry Joker was capable of. The words he had spoken out of spite sounded like a dark warning that he had lives that cling from the tendrils of his purple jacket. Lives he could just decide to end in a moment's whim. Could he really trust the Clown? He didn't know, but what he was sure of is that he might be the only hope of survival for the Kiwanis. Time to continue developing a plan to get out of this basement…