Chapter 13: Night of Decisions
The faint smell of ash still lingers on the night air. We've been burning bodies here every night for the past five days, ever since the Battle Trost. Every night more dead comrades are cremated rather than buried, in order to stop the potential spread of disease. Tonight was the last lot though, at least for us it will be. Tonight is our real last night as cadets. Tonight, we choose which regiment to join.
Ignoring the events surrounding the Battle itself, these last few days have still been highly eventful. Only two days after retaking Trost Eren was put on trial. I wasn't called in to serve as a witness, but my report on Eren's actions as the Berserker Titan was taken into consideration along with dozens of others. To be honest I doubt it made all that much difference really. It was just another voice telling the same old story. Armin and Mikasa were however called as witnesses since they were present on both occasions when Eren used his titan power.
Armin gave me a general run down of events. The Military Police were the closest thing to a prosecution and the Scout Regiment took up the role of the defence. "Though really," Armin had sighed, "Eren's position wasn't really taken into consideration. So technically there was no prosecution or defence." The Military Police claimed that Eren's mere existence was causing an upheaval within the populace, and that for the good of humanity he ought to be 'studied carefully', before he was made a fallen warrior of humanity. This in so many words, meant that they wanted to dissect him in some laboratory somewhere, and keep his very existence as quiet as possible.
The Scout Regiment proposed a far more, desirable option. Eren was to be drafted into the Scout Regiment, where they would make use of his titan power to retake Wall Maria. Needless to say this was Eren's preferred option. The Military Police's position did have a powerful supporter in the form of the Wall Cult, who claim Eren is a demon of some kind who must be destroyed in order to restore the purity of the Walls. The fact that they were able to even get a word in is worrying. The Cult has been gaining power steadily since the fall of Wall Maria. People are afraid so they turn to a nonsensical belief that a network of man-made structures are somehow deities. At least in other belief systems they actually believe in something that makes some sense.
Eren's position was compromised when Mikasa attempted to give a testimony saying that Eren had saved her life twice during the Battle of Trost using his titan power. Whilst this was true, her testimony was invalidated on the grounds that personal feelings played too great a role in her view on events. In fact, this was steered into a weapon against Eren, when the matter of Mikasa's kidnapping and rescue was brought to light. I've heard the story a few times from different people including Eren himself.
Mikasa's parents were murdered by a trio of kidnappers who wanted to sell her and her mother into sexual slavery. Her mother was killed during the struggle however, so Mikasa was orphaned. Eren rescued her by surprising the kidnapers and stabbing two of them to death. When the third appeared he attempted to choke Eren to death, but Mikasa saved him by stabbing that third man from behind.
Needless to say that the violent nature of the act didn't go down well with the court. In fact, some people even tried to claim that since Mikasa attempted to defend Eren, it was likely that she was a titan spy also.
Fortunately, the situation was resolved when Captain Levi proceeded to kick Eren ruthlessly in the head several times after an outburst on Eren's part. When told to step away on the ground that Eren might transform into a titan, Levi reasoned that if the Military Police were planning to dissect Eren they would likely have to face a similar problem. He stated that since he was the most skilled soldier in the human race (a fact that no one is disputing), he was the one most likely to be able to kill Eren should he go rouge. Commander Erwin-the Leader of the Scout Regiment-proposed that Eren be put under the custody of Captain Levi, and be given the opportunity to prove himself in an upcoming mission outside of the Walls. The mission would provide a kind of test run to determine Eren's allegiance and capabilities.
Thankfully the Premier ruled favour of the Scouts.
After that I expected the situation to settle down until tonight, but I was very mistaken. Only one day after Eren's trial, Jean dropped rather a sever bomb on us all during dinner. "Marco's dead," he announced in a dull voice. Everyone fell silent at that. Connie had told him that that wasn't a particularly funny joke, to which Jean said he wished it was a joke. He apparently found what was left of his body slumped in a back street. He had been alone when he died, so no one could even tell us how it happened.
That shattered the good mood we'd all gained from Eren's release into the Scout Regiment. It seems to have had a profound effect on Jean. Profound to the point where, that very night he announced his intention of joining the Scouts. Everyone's been shaken an awful lot by that. Personally I couldn't believe it; Jean's always talked about how his main desire was to join the Military Police. He scoffed countless times at Eren's determination to join the Survey Corps, telling him that he was suicidal.
Most of the others seem to be having an awful lot of doubts about what to do next. Armin, Mikasa and myself still haven't changed our minds about the Scouts. It turns my stomach upside down to think about going out Titan Country to face them though. Annie claims not to have had a second thought about joining the MPs and Reiner has expressed a strong desire to join the Scout Regiment. I've begged Historia not to consider joining the Scouts, but I can tell I'm not going to sway her on this. As for Connie, Sasha and Bertolt, I really have no idea.
Things only got worse after this terrible piece of news.
During the cleanup operation, the Survey Corps had managed to capture two of the smaller titans alive as test subjects. Living titan test subjects are a rarity due to immense difficultly involved in capturing one, not to mention the number of lives that must usually be risked. This made the two titans incredibly valuable. Testing only lasted one day though. Four days after the Battle of Trost, the two titans were found smoking skeletons in the courtyard where they had been restrained.
From what an examination of the collapsing remains could reveal, the titans' napes were cut by someone performing a precision ODM strike from one side of the courtyard to the other. That narrowed it down to a soldier at least. It was a surprise for many that the Cadets were the ones who fell immediately under suspicion. All of us had to parade and have out gear inspected. Everyone checked out as having not used it since the end of the cleanup operation. Armin went away with a pained look in his eyes though; I think he knows something I don't.
And now, after all that here we are. One hundred and thirty five of the original 104th Cadet Corps are paraded under the moonlight sky. Stations have been set up in order to receive cadets who wish to transfer into the various Regiments. We've already be spoken to by a speaker from the Garrison Regiment who outlined the immense importance of having a strong defence against the Titans. He informed us of the unpleasant fact that over a thousand men and women had perished during the Battle of Trost from Garrison Regiment and that they hoped to fill many of these spaces with fresh recruits from the cadets. I can see the importance of the Garrison; they're going to be the ones who have to go into battle first should the Walls be attacked. However, I have no intention of changing my position. Mankind can't spend the rest of its existence behind walls. We have to fight back, and the only way to do that is through the Scouts.
Commander Erwin stands before us on stage with two Scouts flanking him at the rear. "I'm Erwin Smith, Commander of the Scout Regiment as known as the Survey Corps," he begins. "Now let's cut to the chase here: the Scouts need you, we need all the warm bodies we can get. After the recent titan attack, you now know the horrors of which they are capable as well as the limits of your own abilities. However, this battles aftermath gave Humanity a new chance for victory. I refer to Eren Yeager. He has already selflessly proven his loyalty to Humanity.
"But there's more than that. Eren did not just help to deter the Titan invasion; he's offered us a way to learn the secret of their origins. Intel suggests that the cellar of Yeager's home in Shiganshina will provide us with this secret. We intend to mount an expedition to secure this information."
There's a great muttering amongst the cadets as he says this. 'Hold on,' I wonder, 'isn't he jumping the gun a little bit here? Surely this isn't information he can afford to disclose to mere privates is it?' I already knew about the cellar of course-Eren told me himself-but I never expected this.
"Before we can reach the aforementioned cellar in Shiganshina we must retake Wall Maria," continues the Commander. "Of course this is easier said than done. Since the Gate of Trost has been rendered inaccessible further operations must be mounted from the Karanese District. This means that the battalion route we've spent the last four years creating is now useless.
"In the course of those four years we've incurred losses in excess of 60%. 60% in four years, that's a horrifying figure. In one month's time we plan to mount an expedition outside the Walls. Cadets from within your ranks will be expected to participate. I estimate a third of them will die. In a few years most will be dead. But those who endure will be amongst the most capable soldiers alive.
"Having heard this dismal state of affairs those who still wish to join remain here. But first ask yourself: can you give your heart, can you give everything for Humanity!"
Everyone stares at the Commander in horror. I'd always known that mortality rates within the Scouts were high, but hearing from the Commander's own lips, it just carries more weight. I find myself shaking slightly. "That is all; those wanting to join other regiments are dismissed."
Almost straight away, cadets begin to turn around and leave. At first it's a trickle, then a rush and finally a flood. 'There's so many of them leaving! After everything can't they see what we need to do? Though I suppose it's because of what we've seen that they can't bear to stay.' Suddenly I begin flashing back to images from the Battle of Trost. Eren beginning devoured, Nac being crushed to death, squad 69 crushed and devoured, the broken remains of countless soldiers lying in the streets, the foul smell of blood, the sound of people screaming their last breath and them. The Titans. 'Dam them, dam them all to hell! I won't back down now, I can't. I'm not afraid of them, I won't be afraid of them!' "I, I am not afraid you!" I hiss under my breath. "I won't run, I won't scream, I won't hide. To hell with hiding, to hell with running! I'm going to fight!"
More and more people stream past me and I try to look for someone, anyone who isn't leaving. I can't see past the lines of people though. That's assuming anyone is staying. 'What if I do leave? What happens then? If were to join the MPs I suppose I wouldn't do much at all. I'd try to make some kind of a difference. But what good could I possibly do there besides giving myself a few more years to live? And that Garrison? I'd just be waiting for the Titans to come and get me. No, this is the only way! The only way...'
Finally the last few people walk past, leaving behind only those who have chosen to remain in the scouts. I look around and feel like laughing and crying at the same time. Everyone except for Annie is here! Historia, Armin, Mikasa, Jean, Connie, Sasha, Reiner, Bertolt even Ymir! As I look into their eyes I can see they're all completely terrified, just like me. They are all resigned as well though; I don't think anything could change their minds now. "I want to go home," I hear Sasha whimper, but she doesn't move. In the end I can't help myself: I smile. I don't know why but the fact that everyone is here just makes me feel happy. 'The MP's are only going to be getting one recruit tonight. I'll bet that confuses them.'
As it becomes clear that none of us are leaving, Erwin steps back to centre stage. "If someone ordered you to die could you do it?" he asks.
"We don't want to die, sir!" responds Jean.
Erwin smiles, "of course not. You have each conquered your fear today. For that each and every one of you has my utmost respect. This is genuine salute soldiers!" He brings his fist up to his chest, and all of us mirror his action.
After this we're lead to a station by one of the Scouts to fill out our details. She's a young woman with a beautiful shade of light red hair and amber eyes. "Well done all of you," she says smiling. "Not everyone can find the courage to do what you just did. Especially after what you've seen."
"Thank you," I say. "I think I speak for all of us when I say that what we saw at Trost was the very thing that took away any sort of choice for us." Everyone nods sternly. The woman nods back in agreement and starts having us give our details to be written up.
As I walk away afterwards to spend my last night in the Trost Barracks I feel more resigned than ever before. Terror is coursing through me like my own blood, but I don't feel as if I could have done anything else. I'm content to go to this fate. I think I might even be content to die for Mankind. Though as Jean said, I don't want to die. And you know what? I don't intend to. I'm a Scout now; one of Humanity's greatest warriors. Those titans can go to hell!