'Lord Varys.' He half whispered. 'This is… unexpected.'

'No doubt.' Varys tittered. Renly felt like he wanted to hide himself behind the door, just one look from Lord Varys made him feel like all his secrets were known. 'You were expecting someone else?'

'I… no, no, I wasn't expecting anyone.'

'Oh?' Varys continued innocently. 'Then why the curious expression on opening the door, I wonder.' Renly cursed himself for it as he stepped back to allow the master of whisperers into his chambers. He quickly scanned the corridor in the hope of seeing Loras, but he didn't. He shut the door again and made his way back to the table he'd been so pleased to vacate.

'And what can I do for you, Lord Varys?' He asked him as he sat down.

'Nothing, nothing,' Varys smiled. 'I was merely paying you a visit.'

'Oh.' Renly said shortly. He could rather do without this visit. 'Thank you.'

'Although, your squire-'

'Yes, he really is very good, isn't he?' Renly interrupted, his patience well and truly wearing thin over people complimenting him about his squire. 'He will be knighted soon, so don't worry about that.'

'Yes.' Varys mused, studying Renly intently. He wanted to move out of his gaze but he knew it wouldn't be proper. Renly also knew his outburst was not proper either, it was no wonder Varys was staring at him. 'Yes, it is a curious relationship you share with him.'

'I'm sorry?' Renly questioned, suddenly very on edge about all of this. How could he have let his temper get the better of him like that? He may well have just handed Varys the evidence he needed.

'You seem very close.' Lord Varys continued, his voice remaining soft. That unnerved Renly. 'And then there is the strange circumstance surrounding Lady Amber Lannister…'

'That wasn't strange.' Renly told him heatedly. 'She was betrothed to my cousin. I didn't want to dishonour his memory like that.' Varys opened his mouth to argue but Renly stopped him. 'Please, I'm tired of explaining myself to Lannisters about this. Please don't question me further.'

'My apologies, Lord Renly.' Varys told him. It sounded sincere but Renly doubted it actually was. 'It only seems like an odd coincidence that you share such a… close relationship with the Tyrell boy and you refuse the marriage of a Lannister lady.'

'I didn't refuse, Lord Varys.' Renly insisted. The eunuch simply stared back at him. 'I already told you why I didn't marry Lady Amber.'

'And your squire?'

'What of him?' Renly answered sharply. 'He's a good squire. He's a lord's son, it only seems natural it would be easy to hold a conversation with him – I'm a lord's son, too.'

'You're the king's brother.'

'Thank you for that, Lord Varys, I'd quite forgotten.'

The eunuch's expression considerably darkened on hearing the sarcasm. 'I will make my point and leave.' He said quietly. 'Do not presume you can keep secrets as illicit as yours in King's Landing, Lord Renly. I have my little birds and they have been whispering all sorts of things about you.' He stood up to leave, while Renly could only gape at him. 'I know, Lord Renly.' And with that the eunuch let himself out of the room, the door squeaking shut behind him.

Renly got up and poured himself a cup of wine and downed it in one. Varys knew. The master of whisperers knew. He drank another cup. And now Loras was implicated, too. And another cup. He didn't even notice the door opening this time.

'Renly?' Loras whispered across the darkened room. He shut the door behind him and approached his lord. 'Renly, I saw Lord Varys leaving… what was he doing here?' Then Loras saw the wine jug and sighed. 'Are you drunk?'

'No.' Renly answered flatly. 'But believe me, I'm trying.'

'What did Varys want?'

'He knows.'

'Knows what?'

'He knows, Loras. He knows about me.' Renly left out what the eunuch had implied about Loras, he knew it wasn't meant for his ears, especially the day before the tourney finals.

'But… how?'

Renly shrugged and reached for the jug again. Loras slapped his hand back. Renly glared at him but Loras paid him no mind. He led him across the room and gently pushed him down to sit on the bed.

'Varys has his spies, Loras.' Renly told him with a sigh. 'I knew that and I still thought I could make it in King's Landing. I was a fool to ever think that.'

'Well, Varys can hardly have any proof… can he? I mean, his spies, they don't… they can't…' Loras stammered, like he was trying to ask a question he knew he shouldn't. Renly stared at him curiously.

'They can't what?'

'They can't spy on people's rooms, can they? Their private rooms, surely they don't spy on people's chambers?' Something in voice was off, like there was a reason they definitely should not be spying there. That was it, Renly thought. This was what Loras had been hiding, whatever Renly had done while he was drunk. If it concerned this topic… gods, Renly couldn't even begin to try and comprehend what he'd done.

'I don't know.' He whispered, still watching his squire intently. 'Why? They wouldn't have evidence even if they did… would they?'

Loras quickly looked away. 'No, of course they wouldn't. No.'

'Loras?' Renly pressed. His squire still didn't turn around. When he'd thought about what had happened the night previously, he'd presumed he'd said or done something to hurt Loras, he definitely had done something to affect him. It worried him that Loras was bringing this up now. Renly gently lifted Loras' face with his hand so he would look at him. There was definitely something else behind his perfect brown eyes.

'Loras, what happened last night?'

His squire looked like he was about to cry. Renly felt that guilty feeling in his head again, like he'd done something awful. Loras shook his head and pushed Renly's hand away. He said nothing.

'You need to tell me. Clearly you think there's some kind of evidence Varys could use if his spies can see into my chambers. Whatever it is, I'm sorry-'

'You kissed me.'

Renly stopped speaking instantly. Loras wasn't looking at him, he was just staring straight ahead at the darkened wall.

'I… I did what?'

'You kissed me.' Loras repeated quietly. Renly still couldn't quite believe he heard him right.

'I…' He tried to think of something to say but deep in the back of his mind he could remember it. He couldn't think of anything surrounding the event but it sounded like the truth. 'I'm sorry, I should never… I don't…'

Loras turned back and just smirked at him. 'Lost for words?' He asked, something slightly chilling in his voice.

'Somewhat, yes.' Renly admitted. He could feel himself blushing, knowing what he'd done to Loras. 'I'm so sorry, Loras. I was drunk… I know that's no excuse, but-'

'Renly, can I ask you a favour?'

'Anything.'

'Don't ever apologise for that again.'

'Right, yes.' Renly muttered. He gathered his thoughts and tried again. 'Yes, you're right. We should just forget about it. I won't mention it again. I'll stop talking.'

'That's exactly what I meant.' Loras mumbled. Renly caught it but couldn't decipher it. It sounded like it was the exact opposite of what Loras had meant. Loras sighed and leant back against the bedpost. 'Do you want to know how it happened?' Loras asked him calmly. Renly could hardly speak. How was he talking so normally about this?

'Y-yes, alright.' He decided it might be better if he heard the whole story.

Loras could only watch him for a moment. It had taken all the courage he had to tell Renly what he'd done. Loras really didn't want to tell him, but it was when Renly told him he was sorry that he'd snapped.

'You were so drunk that I had to all but drag you upstairs. In fact, you were so drunk you could hardly get out of your chair in the hall, I had to go up and help you.'

'I'm sorry-'

'Don't.' Loras shot him a harsh stare that shut him up instantly. 'It earned me a compliment from the king, anyway, I wouldn't apologise for that.' He continued with a smile. Renly almost smiled back. 'So, I brought you back up here. I just wanted a rest, if I'm honest, you're not exactly light.'

'Thank you.' Renly muttered darkly, earning himself a grin from his squire.

'You're tall is all I meant.' Loras smirked at him. Renly flashed him a quick smile. 'So, you reminded me that I was your squire and that if you told me to do something I had to do it. I agreed. You told me to shut my eyes and I did. After about a minute… you, um, well, you kissed me. Then you fell onto the bed and didn't wake up until the next morning, I presume.'

Renly just watched him in silence for a while. Loras wondered if he'd actually heard him, but he didn't pressure him. If anything he just wanted him to stop apologising for it. When he'd tilted Loras' face to look at him earlier, Loras had wanted nothing more than to kiss him. It frightened Loras to his very core to know that he wanted to do that, but it didn't lessen his desire for it.

'You have no idea how much I want to apologise.' Renly said eventually. Loras rolled his eyes and just shook his head.

'Don't you dare.'

'I won't.' Renly sighed. 'But what I did was wrong. I should never have put you in that position. It wasn't fair.'

Loras had to bite his tongue to stop himself telling Renly it was completely fair and he'd quite like to be put in that position again. Instead he just stared at him.

'And now with Lord Varys… he might think you're… like me.' Renly whispered, his green eyes shining in the dark from the light of the candle on the bedside table.

'And if he does?'

'That doesn't scare you? That Varys might think you're something you're not?'

That stung more than Renly would ever know. Loras could only imagine what Renly had been through, hiding his true self away from the world, but Loras thought this was worse. He was hiding his real feelings from someone who trusted him.

'What's he going to do, Renly?' Loras asked him with a smirk. 'Besides, Lord Varys doesn't make mistakes.' He knew in himself that Varys wasn't wrong, he hadn't made a mistake at all. A part of him hoped that Renly would grasp what he saying and realise. But Loras knew he wouldn't.

'You're right.' Renly said finally. 'Absolutely. Varys won't suspect you because he doesn't make mistakes. Exactly.'

Loras actually found it rather endearing how concerned Renly was about Loras being implicated. He seemed to care more about that than the consequences for himself.

'It's getting late, Loras, you should get some rest for the tourney.' Renly told him. Loras nodded but didn't move to leave.

'Do you want me to…'

'No.' Renly stopped him before he could say the rest. 'I don't think that's wise, do you?'

'I told you, it doesn't bother me, I-'

'That was before.' Renly cut him off, turning away and standing up. 'It's been proven that I can't trust myself anymore. You should leave.'

Loras had to bite his tongue again, but only to distract himself from how hurt he was at Renly saying that. He could feel prickling behind his eyes and he did not want to cry about this. He refused to cry about this. He got up to leave without another word. He got off the bed and couldn't manage to stifle a sob before he'd left. He felt Renly grab his wrist. Not now…

'Loras?' Renly said softly, turning him back around to face him. Loras stared at the floor, unwilling to let Renly see him crying. He tried to swallow back tears but it was too late. 'Are you crying?'

'No.' Loras muttered, but even his voice couldn't manage that. Renly gently lifted Loras' head again and he was clearly taken aback by Loras' eyes. Loras was so ashamed of himself but he couldn't find his voice.

'Why are you upset? You told me not to apologise, I-'

'It's not that.' Loras told him, the need to tell him overriding his pride over the sound of his voice being so weak. 'It doesn't matter. I should go.'

Again, Renly stopped him and pulled him back. 'Tell me.'

'I can't.' Loras hissed at him, angry at himself for crying as well as at Renly for stopping him leaving.

'Can't?' Renly let go of Loras' wrist. His voice was small. 'Why not?'

Loras shook his head. 'I just can't. It doesn't matter. You won't understand.'

'I won't understand?' Renly repeated. 'I won't understand?'

'I'm leaving.' Loras told him before he could embarrass himself any more. 'Good night.' And he darted out of the room before Renly could pull him back. He got into his own chambers and shut the door quickly. He just wanted to be alone. Well, no, he didn't, he wanted to be with Renly but that wasn't looking too likely.

Loras sat himself at the window and stared out over the tourney grounds. His head had been so filled with longing for glory and about how to prove himself yesterday. Now all he could think about were the events that followed. He never wanted to tell Renly what happened the first night they arrived because he knew how he would react. It pained Loras every time he heard Renly apologise for it. Eventually Loras fell asleep at the window.

Renly stared at the jug across the room. He glared at it. It was tempting him. He turned away from the jug in the hope that might make it disappear. He couldn't believe he'd kissed Loras. He couldn't wrap his mind around what he thought about it. On the one hand, he knew it was probable that he'd do something like that while drunk, since he knew he couldn't lie to himself any longer about his feelings for him. But either way, he felt indescribably guilty for acting upon it. He knew Loras wouldn't feel the same way. He'd probably been crying because he'd recalled how awful the experience was for him. But one thing was playing on his mind about it. He found it curious how adamantly Loras had told him not to apologise. Renly had interpreted this to mean that he didn't even want to be reminded of the event by way of apology, but it dawned on him now that perhaps that wasn't it. Loras' reaction wasn't exactly pleased when Renly told him they should forget about it. To add to it all, Renly felt guilty about how Loras had left the room. He knew somehow it was his fault. He'd upset him and just let him go.

He sighed and paced the length of the room for a while before making his decision. He opened the door quietly shut it behind him. He gently knocked on Loras' door. No answer. He was probably asleep, Renly told himself. He pushed the door open silently and peered inside. Loras was asleep by the window, curled up against the wall. Renly couldn't let him sleep like that, he'd be aching all over before the tourney even resumed. He crept over to him and carefully lifted him out of the window. Loras was heavier than Renly had expected for such a small frame. He reminded himself of all the training the boy had done and realised Loras must have gained a considerable amount of muscle from it. He placed him on his bed before he had time to dwell on the thought. He pulled the covers over his squire and made to leave again.

'Renly…' Loras was clearly still asleep but on some level he must have registered what was happening. Renly stopped in his tracks and turned back around. Loras looked so angelic when he slept. Renly knew he shouldn't linger, he knew he couldn't trust himself anymore… but Loras just looked so adorable. He'd never voice it to him, Loras would more likely hit him than appreciate the compliment, but it didn't change the facts. Loras muttered his name again, sending shocks through Renly's chest. He couldn't just watch him. He cursed himself for it but lay down next to him all the same.

Loras must have been more awake than Renly thought, because he curled up next to him, his hair tickling Renly's neck. Renly tried to think of other things but something else came to mind.

'You're not asleep, are you?'

He heard Loras laugh in response, which made him smile until he felt Loras' breath on his neck. He had to really try to find a distraction from that.

'That's not funny.' Renly hissed at him, but still found himself wanting to laugh. Loras moved away from him and just smirked back.

'I thought it was funny.' He answered smugly. Renly rolled his eyes and looked away from him, partly out of embarrassment. 'Oh, I wasn't… I didn't mean to…' Loras' smirk left him as he realised he'd embarrassed his friend. 'I wasn't trying to mock you, or…'

'I know.' Renly told him calmly. Loras nodded and sighed, before placing his head on Renly's chest. Renly regretted his decision to tell the truth, he should have lied. Maybe Loras wouldn't have done that if he'd told him he was deeply offended by the joke. It began playing through Renly's head that Loras shouldn't be acting like this. Renly had kissed him, surely Loras knew that must have been something he wanted to do… so why was he still getting so close?

Renly glanced back down at Loras, about to raise the question, when he realised Loras was actually asleep now.

'Marvellous.' He muttered to himself. 'Now you fall asleep.'