Chapter 14

Episodes featured in this chapter: 7x10 'Storm' and 7x14 'Taboo'

Elliot sat at his desk grasping the newspaper trying to control the anger that was dwelling inside him. When Olivia told him the night before she wanted to go back to her place and needed time alone he didn't fight her on it. Being shut down by the Feds over the anthrax scare and not knowing where Tasha and her sister were had clearly taken a toll on her. She needed space after some cases and he respected that.

He figured she was at home nursing a glass of wine or had gone out for drinks with Casey. He never suspected she went to meet Jackson Zane, a reporter who had been giving them issues since the case had begun.

Olivia walked into the squad room a little later than normal as if nothing was wrong but he could sense that she was rattled. He wasted no time confronting her.

"What the hell were you thinking?" he hissed holding up the New York Ledger displaying the headline.

She shrugged and feigned indifference. "Nice picture."

"Why'd you give it to 'em?"

She took off her jacket and put it on the back of her chair still failing to make eye contact. "Who says I did?"

He scoffed. "Don't play games with me. Look the chief of D's is in there right now, the Feds are going nuts. They know someone from this squad leaked that photo to the Ledger."

She squared her shoulders and he knew she was lying before she even began to speak. "A lot of people had cameras in the park that day. Jackson Zane could've gotten that photo from anybody."

Cragen and the Chief finished their meeting and Olivia visibly shrank when she was summoned to Cragen's office. It was evident that he was furious with her and Elliot could relate. They were partners. She should've included him on whatever she was planning because he always backed her play. He couldn't fathom with all the progress they made in their relationship personally why she would shut him out but he decided to put that conversation on hold for now and concentrate on what was important.

She emerged from Cragen's office after a few minutes and looked visibly shaken.

"How bad?" he asked and she shrugged. "Look maybe it was worth it."

"How?"

"ACS just called," he rounded his desk and stood next to her. "Whatever you said spooked the Feds. They returned the girls."

She immediately perked up. "We gotta go talk to them."

He wasn't on board at first but it meant a lot to her and he understood the greater good. They talked to Nikki and found more information about the missing Anthrax. It led them to Michael Delpit, a lab tech from Louisiana, whom they arrested and taped the entire interrogation to turn over to Jackson. When he asked her why she was so hell bent on exposing the truth she gave him the same answer she gave Jackson.

"The Feds are going to make Michael Delpit disappear. I don't want the truth to vanish with him."

When she arrived home the next night he was at the door waiting for her.

"Why didn't you use your key?" Olivia asked cautiously approaching her door. She could feel the tension radiating from his body and he looked exhausted.

"You gave it to me for emergencies not to just let myself in."

She kissed him quickly on the lips and turned her key into the door. She stood back to let him in and removed her jacket, badge and gun. She sighed and promptly walked into the kitchen to pull out a bottle of wine and a glass.

"Do you want some?"

He sat down on the sofa reaching for her remote. "Ill take a beer if you have it?" He turned on the television just to have some noise fill the air instead of the anxiety that surrounded them. She had just come from seeing Jackson and he waited patiently to hear what happened that had her so desolate but the other side of him wanted to confront her about the whole situation. She handed him his beer and sat next to him, stopping just short of their hips touching.

When it was clear she wouldn't say anything he broke the silence. "What happened with Jackson?"

She drank slowly from her glass, hoping the wine would quickly seep into her veins and take the edge off. "He's going to stay in jail until he names a source," she stoically replied still reeling from the conversation. "He refuses to name me and told me never to visit him again."

He watched her drain the glass and balance her chin in her clasped hands. She stared at the TV not actually focusing on what was on but needing to distract herself.

"I'm sorry." It was all he could think of to say.

She walked back to the kitchen and began to pour herself another glass of wine. "Yeah," she sighed. "Me too."

Olivia shook her head searching for words while her mind was going a mile a minute. "I know we did the right thing but…," she shrugged her shoulders not knowing what to say or how to convey what she was feeling.

"But what?" he prompted.

She leaned against the counter, her weight on her elbows and fingers over her noise and part of her mouth. A gesture he got used to seeing over the years when she was deep in thought. "I never thought the cost would be this. He's going to stay in jail all because we wanted to stop some jerk from spreading Anthrax through the city possibly harming hundreds or thousands of people." Her voice was starting to escalate, the anger building in her all over again.

She scoffed and walked back to the living room, setting her wine glass on the table. "It's just like Alex said. Even when we win, we still lose," she paced back and forth. "Sometimes…." Her voice trailed off looking out in the distance. Her eyes settled on a picture of them that was on the end table next to her sofa temporarily easing her somber feelings.

"Sometimes what?" He was watching her closely looking for any sign that she was about to break down and followed her line of sight to the picture of them. She picked it up, still not answering his question, and rubbed her fingers along the glass of the frame.

"We were so young then," she said whimsically.

He stood behind her staring closely at the photo. It was during the first year of their partnership, her hair was in a bob and he had grown a goatee. They were much more carefree then, even Elliot although he had been in SVU for a few years.

"I can't believe I was that thin once," he joked. Him arm encircled her waist and his chin hooked over her shoulder.

She chuckled faintly. "I can't believe you had that hideous goatee."

He laughed and kissed her shoulder and in the crux of her neck, both of them swaying back and forth. Her left hand held his at her waist and she sighed heavily. "Everything seemed so different then."

"Not much was different," he replied and rested his head against hers. "You wanted me even back then."

She slapped his hand and laughed. This was what she needed. The ability to forget it all and get lost in the essence of them.

"I didn't want you. I hooked up with Cassidy remember?"

"Ugh," he scoffed and tried to let her go but she held him against her.

"I'm just kidding. You are so easy," she set the picture back down on the table and wrapped her arms around his. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For going to Jackson without you. I just didn't want you to get caught up in everything and I knew it was a big risk."

He kissed the back of her head and held her tighter. Relief flooded his body and he felt confident this wouldn't turn into a big argument.

"You should've included me. I'm your partner."

"I know," she turned around in his arms and faced him. "I didn't want you to get in trouble and I guess I'm trying to wean myself off and get used to dealing with things on my own."

He could get lost in her eyes and even though he wanted to be pissed, her beauty enchanted him. The real beauty of her wasn't exclusive to those deep brown eyes, her golden skin or curvaceous body. It lied in her need to do the right thing and get justice for everyone who couldn't fight for themselves at all costs.

Elliot put his hand under her chin and brought her eyes to his. "Even when we aren't partners anymore you will never ever have to deal with things on your own. Got it?"

"But—"

"No buts Liv. And I will keep repeating this until you understand," he held her close, her chests molded into his. "You will never have to deal with things on your own."

She smiled into his neck and let the words wash over her. She was used to being a one woman show and doing everything on her own. The thought of having someone there for her in every aspect of her life would take some getting used to which is why she was thankful they made the decision to take their time.

"And what happens if I don't listen?" she asked harmlessly.

He stepped back from her, smirked and ran his fingers through her shoulder length hair. "Then there will be consequences."

She lifted her eyebrow seductively and leaned into his touch. "And what is that?"

"Are we here again?" he asked referencing their first day together when he threatened her with the same fate.

"Yes we are."

That time seemed so long ago and changed everything.

A few months later here they were.

Still together.

"You chose to give birth," Elliot stated matter of factly glaring at the red head college student across the room.

"You have the wrong person," she replied defensively.

He approached her, anger marking every stride and got right in her face. "You chose to walk the six blocks with him right past a firehouse, a hospital where under the safe haven laws you could've just left him anonymously," he shouted.

She still didn't flinch. "Why are you yelling at me?"

"Because you tossed him in the trash like the garbage you are. All those choices. How is that even an option?"

He waited a split second for her to have some kind of response or remorse.

Anything.

But he got nothing.

Olivia watched him, concerned when he started to get angry but as was her usual nature she didn't call him out on it in front of the suspect or anyone. The case had clearly affected him, as most cases involving children did.

Cragen called them out of interrogation and scolded Elliot for not being empathetic towards the suspect to gain her trust. She watched helplessly when he sat on the bench almost crawling out of his skin because of his level of frustration. It was his weekend with the kids and he was stuck at work. She spoke up telling the captain that DNA would close the book on the case anyway and Cragen let him leave.

By the time he pulled up to his former home he managed to take most of the edge off. He never wanted the kids to see him upset over a case and ask for details. Part of the reason his marriage didn't work was because he chose to keep the demons of his work away from his family and although it may have cost him his wife, it worked out well for his children. He had no intentions of changing that.

He took a deep breath, scrubbing his hands down his face and rung the doorbell. Dickie answered with his backpack in hand. "Come in dad. Lizzie is taking forever of course."

"Shut up," he heard his youngest daughter squeal from across the room. "I just have to finish putting my shoes in here."

Dickie rolled his eyes and grabbed his skateboard from next to the staircase. "We are going to be at dad's house for all of two days. How many pairs of shoes do you need? Jeez."

Kathy walked into the room at the tail end of their exchange aggravated at the constant arguing. He remembered how much it used to annoy her but on a day like today it made him forget and be grateful. This was when he enjoyed being a father most.

"I never understood how the constant arguing never drove you crazy," she commented watching him smirk at their children running back and forth through the living room.

"I know," he said simply. She would never understand and he didn't want her to.

"Tough case?" she asked already knowing the answer.

He sighed. "Yeah."

"Should I be on alert in case you called out?"

"Nahh," he waved his hand. "Liv's handling it."

Kathy leaned against the door, her right food anxiously bumping against her left. "So that means she won't be there this weekend then?"

He lifted his head up noticing the uneasy look on her face. "No she won't be. What's going on Kath?"

"I know that you guys have been spending time with the kids here and there together," she began.

"Kathy," he started and she put her hand up to stop him.

"It's fine. The kids are actually fine. Just if she's going to be spending the night while the kids are there, that's something I want to know. That's all."

He nodded his hand in acceptance. It was a reasonable request that even in his most asshole of moods he wouldn't have denied. "Absolutely and vice versa."

"Definitely."

They smiled at each other, an understanding of things moving in a better direction.

"Ok dad we are ready," Lizzie announced and he shook his head seeing the backpack and two small suitcases she had for the 48 hours at his place. They headed out and as they drove back into the city, he called and checked on Olivia to make sure she was okay.

Olivia and Casey strolled into the hospital full speed ahead trying to catch Everett Drake before he took custody of he and Ella Christiansen's baby. She couldn't get out of her mind how Ella didn't think twice about throwing away her children. It always amazed and saddened her how easily people took being a parent for granted.

"Will they charge her with murder?"

"Not while she's in psychiatric lockup," Casey gritted.

"And when she's released?"

"Well they might but I bet they come up with the same verdict in Jersey that they did here."

They walked into the room to see Everett holding the baby and Olivia took a deep breath trying to hold back her contempt. Casey handed the nurse an injunction barring him from taking custody and ordered him to hand Olivia the baby.

"It's going to be okay," she whispered to the baby boy. He was beautiful and perfect even though he was brought into the world under the ugliest of circumstances. "You're going to be ok."

She rocked him back and forth waiting on Children's Services to arrive and take custody and she wondered what would happen to him. Where he would end up. Casey observed her but didn't say a word and spoke with the social worker when she showed up. Olivia handed the baby over and they walked out to the parking lot.

"Wanna go grab an early dinner?" Casey offered.

Olivia looked at her watch. It was just a little after 5 and she wasn't supposed to meet Elliot at his place until after 7. "Sure I'll eat something light since Elliot and I are supposed to have dinner later."

At the small restaurant across the street from the hospital, Olivia played around with her appetizer shoving the food back and forth on her plate. Her mind was racing. Casey continued to watch her figuring what was wrong but wondering if she would say something first.

"So it's already 6 and we don't have much time so I'm not going to beat around the bush," Casey set down her fork and folded her arms. "Have you talked to Elliot about it yet?"

"About what?"

Casey gave her a knowing look, flipping her blonde hair behind her shoulder. "About if he wants to have more children."

Olivia walked up the stairs to Elliot's apartment, her talk with Casey fresh on her mind.

If he doesn't want children you have to decide if it's a dealbreaker.

You have to talk to him Liv before you end your partnership and continue with this relationship.

Casey was right. She had to talk to him and face the truth. The feelings of motherhood crept up in her several times since they had been dating. It was blossoming when Lauren Westley resorted to beating herself to self-abort her baby and grew when she helped Nathan Phelps escape a murder charge after watching his mother being killed. By the time she witnessed Elliot lean over the incubator of Ella's baby, placing his hand on his chest and welcoming him to the world, her heart had swelled beyond measure.

Him not wanting a child was a dealbreaker for her. She always wanted to be a mother even if her lifestyle didn't coincide with a traditional parent. Elliot had Kathy at home so he was able to be a parent with her at home to balance it out. They both had crazy hours and she just couldn't fathom how a baby would fit into the equation but stranger things had happened. Sometimes the stars aligned and things had a way of working out.

Like their relationship.

"Hey," he greeted her with a wide grin when he opened the door. "I missed you."

She fell into his arms and tried not to cry at the sheer comfort she felt from being in his embrace. "I missed you too."

"Come in."

She started to pull off her coat and stopped when she saw the cupcake spread on the counter. "You baked for me. You shouldn't have," she teased.

He chuckled and followed her into the kitchen. "I didn't. The twins have to bring something for some party at school. Kathy was out with a friend and I volunteered to do it."

She stopped in her tracks not believing what she was hearing. He realized how unbelievable it sounded. "I know I know. I may have had a little help from Kathleen and Maureen," he pulled the frosting from the cupboard. "You just missed them, they left about half an hour ago."

She took a beer from the fridge watching him open the frosting and pull some sprinkles from the cupboard. She couldn't help the smile that crept on her lips watching a big, alpha male like Elliot with cream cheese frosting in one hand and rainbow sprinkles in the other.

She set her beer on the counter and wrapped her hands around his waist from behind looking out into the living room at the fire going and the blankets still lying on the floor.

"How did everything go with Ella and Drake?" he asked picking up the first cupcake and getting to work.

She sighed not wanting to ruin the mood with talk of the case. "It's fine. The baby is with ACS, we turned the info about the other baby over to the Jersey DA and we are doing everything in our power to make sure he doesn't get custody of the baby."

"Good," he said simply. "Ella just-"

He didn't have to finish the sentence. "I know. She didn't give a damn about those kids," she finished the thought for him. "Perfectly healthy babies just tossed in the trash," she murmured.

He peeked over his shoulder trying to read the expression on her face. "You ok?"

"Yeah," she replied with a deep breath and squeezed him tighter. "How about I help you with that? You have another knife?"

"No I have just the one."

Olivia slapped him with the dishtowel hanging out of his back pocket. "Asshole."

He grinned while she searched through one of the drawers and pulled out another knife. They frosted a couple of the cupcakes in silence for a few minutes, her thoughts fleetingly turning to her conversation with Casey. She wanted to bring it up and frosting cupcakes for his kids seemed like the perfect segue but she couldn't get the words to form. She was so lost in thought she didn't notice him put his knife down and slip behind her, his hands on her abdomen.

"What are you doing?" she giggled at the slight ticklish feeling.

"Watching you finish up."

"And why aren't you helping?" she reached for another cupcake.

"Because I need to watch you do it. I mean you don't cook so I figure I need to make sure you can at least frost things and don't mess up my kids cupcakes," he joked and she jabbed him with his elbow.

She huffed and pretended to be upset. "Why do I even bother with you?"

"You know why," he whispered in her ear and pressed his erection into her behind. An involuntary moan escaped her throat and she fell back into his hold.

"Don't stop what you are doing. You have to learn to multitask Benson," he kissed her shoulder and neck.

Olivia tried hard to concentrate but she felt the goosebumps forming on her skin and the stirring deep in her belly. She kept going but her efforts faltered when he cupped her breasts and his thumb brushed across her pert nipple.

"You're messing up Liv. That cupcake is a mess," his hands began to move lower to her belt and her breath hitched.

"El-," she groaned.

"Hmm," he answered casually. He had her belt unbuckled and slowly unzipped her slacks. She focused hard on finishing the cupcake she had in her hand even as his hands made their way to the top of her panties. She slammed it back down on the counter just as his fingers made contact with her covered mound.

"You still have two more to go," his hands slipped inside her panties and she gripped the counter absorbing the pleasure.

"I can't," she breathed.

"Sure you can," he smiled against her ear.

He slipped inside her folds and she moaned, her slickness drowning his fingers.

"Such a shame you couldn't finish," he added a second finger and she whimpered. "I hope you can do better when you have to frost our child's cupcakes. Multitasking is the name of the game Detective."

Her eyes flew open and just as she was about to open her mouth to speak, his thumb hit her sensitive spot. "Shit," she breathed, writhing against his hand. Her mind was trapped somewhere between desire and absorbing his words. Eventually one thought morphed into the other. The idea of having his baby one day was all it took to bring her to nirvana. She closed her eyes, her head thrown back against his shoulder listening to the soft timber of his voice bring her back to reality.

"You want me?" he hummed, pulling her shirt over her head.

"Yes." Her answer was instant.

Immediate.

Elliot took her hand ready to guide her towards the bedroom but she pulled back stopping him. Confusion flooded his expression until he noticed the mischievous gleam in her eyes and she picked up the canister of frosting from the counter.

He cocked his eyebrow. "Do you have something in mind?"

"I do actually," she tilted her chin toward his grey t-shirt. "Take that off."

He took the few steps to stand right in front of her, his labored breaths warming her nose and chin. "Whatever you say."

His shirt hit the ground. She allowed her eyes to roam the dips and planes of his chest for a split second before nodding towards his jeans. "Now take those off."

She dipped her finger in the frosting, coating two of them while his jeans joined his shirt on the floor.

A small smile covered her lips as the frosting covered his. She put a little across the center of his chest and both of his nipples. Her hands trailed down his abdomen and reached for the waistband of his underwear. He stopped her quickly.

"If you put that there and lick it off, this is going to be over before it begins and I really want to take my time with you tonight."

Her tongue flicked the frosting from his bottom lip. "Another time then."

She bit and nipped him. Her mouth owned his tasting the sweet flavor of cream cheese and Elliot mixed together.

He growled when her teeth grazed his nipple lapping up the frosting and then switching to the other.

"Olivia," he rasped.

"Hmm," she answered nonchalantly. Her hands slipped into his underwear, thrumming his erection while she slithered her mouth down his abdomen.

He jerked in her hands, unable to take it anymore. "Come here."

He hauled her up, her legs wrapped around his waist and she yelped. His mouth crashed against hers and he carried her to the living room where the blankets from his night before were still spread out.

It was a source of convenience the night before when he let his kids have the bedroom when they stayed over but tonight it was the setting of something else.

Something more.

The flames crackling in the fireplace and the low hum of the television provided the background music to the soundtrack of their lovemaking. The melody of her soft moans and his throaty growls filled the air as he owned her body. She rode him, rolling her hips and putting her hands on his chest for leverage. He kissed the back of her neck, whispering in her ear when he took her from behind. He commanded her orgasms and when all of their desires were sated, she held him close. Her eyes were focused on the fire and she stroked his arm that was draped around her waist.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too."

Elliot soon drifted off while her mind wandered.

Olivia thought about a baby with dark hair and blue eyes. Her laugh and Elliot's stubborn personality. A baby they didn't make tonight but would make someday. And that thought alone was enough to lull her into a peaceful sleep.