A/N: New chapter time! :D
I want to apologize for the lack of updates of "Reality Check"; I'm more inspired for this story and "Learning…" and those two are my first priority while the other one is like…something I work on when I feel like it – I already have the next chapter begun, no worries, but it's something totally secondary.
Anyway, I hope you'll like this chapter! It's weird, I know, but needed for the story, trust me! :)
Thanks SO MUCH for your reviews and for adding me or the story to your lists; those are the things that really keep me going and inspired! So keep them coming…please? ;)
Here is chapter 14; enjoy! :)
Confused.
Gabriella Montez was confused.
Her mind and her heart seemed to be going to different directions since the evening before, when she went to Troy's house and met his parents, the moment her feelings became a chaos inside of her; while her brain was turning on all the alarms at those new feelings, her heart was feeling them freely, completely, not caring about the consequences.
Because if she was sure about something that was about the deep and hided meaning those feelings had; she knew she was looking at Troy in a way she'd never seen him, because he'd always been "Troy", her friend or best friend, but at the moment, after that last day, Troy was not only her best friend but also a guy.
She'd already accepted he was hot back in high school; you had to be blind to not see it, but now everything was different. Gabriella wasn't the girl that only looked at somebody's body but at the "whole package", and that whole package was what was driving her crazy. Whenever she thought about him, a tingling sensation was created in her stomach…as if a lot of butterflies were living there,
And her brain hated those butterflies…and the reason because of they were there.
Usually, when you hear someone talking about butterflies in her or his stomach there are, only, two possibilities: the first one, nerves. A person can be possessed by so intense nerves so she or he can't eat or sleep, always thinking about the reason of those nerves, and letting them consume him or her.
And Gabriella wasn't conscious about being nervous about anything.
However, there is another reason – love.
Gabriella was fed up with hearing people talking about love as a sensation that brought butterflies to your stomach; novels, movies, her friends…it was the usual way to describe the tingling sensation, the goofiness, the childish freedom, the ecstasy of feeling alive.
But she couldn't bear that thought.
She was against accepting that what she was feeling for Troy now was love. She preferred to say she was nervous about any other thing – for example, university and her lack of presence on her very first day there – than to admit that maybe, just maybe, the turmoil of feelings meant she was falling for Troy.
Because she couldn't.
She didn't want to.
To mix in a same sentence love and Troy only could mean a disaster, a huge and hideous disaster, and that was the last thing she wanted and needed having their friendship so deep and perfect at the moment. A new drama wasn't wanted nor needed between them; they had each other's best friend wholly now, and to talk about deeper feelings between them would imply a sudden tension she didn't want to face nor have with him.
His fame preceded him; he was a player, a guy that couldn't have his dick inside of his pants, always with the need to have one different girl tucked under his arm, and that was something totally incompatible with love, a serious relationship, a serious and deep commitment, things that were what Gabriella wanted.
Maybe she was an inexperienced girl, but she had so clear what she wanted from guys – flings, random fucks and sex for the sake of sex were things she was totally against. For her, to be with someone was something more; it was a union of souls, of hearts, of spirits, and to stain this union with materiality, with superficial things wasn't worthy or acceptable. For Gabriella, if you couldn't give yourself wholly, better not even bother with it.
To be in a relationship not only meant have sex – or better, simple fucks – but something in a whole different level; a level that included friendship, love, respect, admiration, care, selflessness, trust…and everything in between. Keeping things only physical was the best recipe for a disaster, in her opinion; not only because that didn't represent that the other person mattered to you but also because your body could be compatible with another's, but when it came to talk with this someone, to enjoy your time with this someone, to go to the cinema with this someone…the "relationship", if you could call it that way, was empty.
Purely and simply empty.
And Gabriella was sure as hell that this wasn't what she wanted.
She wanted to be able to call her boyfriend her friend; she wanted a level of friendship in her relationship, a level of mutual respect and admiration that settled a deep and strong base between them. She wanted to matter to her boyfriend; she wanted someone she was sure about and someone she knew was the shoulder where she could go, always, if she needed a shoulder to cry on, the mouth that would speak the needed words to make her feel better, the eyes that would make her feel pretty, the arms that would keep her warm and safe, the heart that would beat in sync with hers.
She wanted a deep union and if she couldn't have that, she preferred to not have anything.
However, her brain was loosing the battle irremediably because her heart was beating even faster, if that was possible, only with the knowledge that she would be seeing him in some hours. Only that was enough for her to feel excited, happy, content and, mostly, like in heaven. Knowing that she would have his arms around her, that she would feel his body touching hers was enough to drive her crazy, and she couldn't do anything about it.
Plus, she'd revealed to him everything.
Bobby was the only person, until Troy, with who she felt comfortable enough to talk about everything; not even Kelsi, Sharpay or Taylor knew everything Troy knew, and it was not as if she didn't trust them but that she couldn't open up with them for some unknown reason. With Troy, however, she'd opened up wholly, sharing with them the darkest secrets she had, the strongest fears, the deepest thoughts, and that was something out of the ordinary.
The butterflies in her stomach only intensified when she thought about that; now that everything was in the open – well, everything but her feelings – Gabriella was surprised because she wasn't awkward or uncomfortable with Troy. On the contrary, knowing that he knew everything he had to know about her, knowing that there wasn't anything more hided, that there wasn't any more secrets between them, made her feel refreshed and confident.
The proof had been the incredible evening they'd spent together when they left his house – though there were some things that had surprised Gabriella extremely.
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"Where are you taking me?"
He chuckled. "Stop the whining; I've already told you I won't say anything because it's a surprise," Troy dared to turn his head to look at her. "Oh no, stop the pout!"
A few giggles escaped from her mouth. "Pleaseeee…"
"I'm not looking," Troy shook his head stubbornly. "You'll see when we get there."
"You're not fun," Gabriella whined.
Troy squeezed her knee taking advantage of the red light; this little gesture made him feel sparks when his hand touched her soft skin and he smirked inwardly when he felt Gabriella shudder involuntarily and lock her eyes in the spot where their bodies were in contact. "I promise it'll be worthy…"
The softness in his voice made Gabriella to look at him and she sent him a soft smile, lost at words…though neither of them needed them at this point; too much had moved forward in no less time and both were still trying to comprehend, understand and process everything that had happened between them, cherishing this new bond they had, this new intimacy.
Troy's hand didn't move from her knee and Gabriella relaxed completely under his touch, closing her eyes with a soft sigh that didn't go unnoticed by Troy and made him smile; she could feel his warmness but she couldn't complain because the magnificent feeling it evoke was too much. His hand there wasn't something disturbing but something pleasurable, something she hadn't ever expect…but also something that made her feel something new but amazing at the same time.
On the other hand, Troy left his hand there on purpose; not only because her body had shivered at the very first moment he'd touched her but because it simply felt right. Call it possessiveness or whatever, but to have his hand resting there, and not hearing any whimper nor complaint from her was something he enjoyed, probably more than what he would have thought, because it was a weird way that could be understood as he marking his territory…and he liked that.
Since his discovering about his newfound feelings for Gabriella, Troy had realized that he wanted to be as close to her as possible; to keep some kind of contact with her, even only touching her skin, was enough for him to feel how those feelings increased in the pit of his stomach, a powerful sensation totally new for him.
A sensation he didn't want to get rid of.
When he arrived at the little Chinese restaurant he was in love with, Troy squeezed her knee again. "We're here b…Ella…" He winced when he realized he was about to fuck up everything; the wrong word and all his chances with Gabriella would disappear, and so he knew he had to be careful.
Luckily for him Gabriella was almost asleep. "What?" She asked shaking her head making him chuckle.
"We're here, sleepyhead," he whispered with another squeeze.
"Oh," Gabriella rubbed her eyes. "I was falling asleep…"
"I've seen," Troy chuckled. "Come on…" He urged her stepping out of his car. "You'll love it…"
Gabriella giggled and exited from the car too, admiring the small but comfortable and inviting restaurant. "Wow, this looks great!"
"I told you so," Troy smirked smugly wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "Are you cold?" He asked concerned when she shivered under his touch.
Blushing furiously, and lowering her head so he couldn't see, Gabriella shrugged her shoulders. "A little…"
"Crap," Troy muttered. "I've forgotten my jacket at home…" He said softly rubbing her shoulders, creating a friction that not only warmed her but excited the butterflies inside of her stomach wildly.
"Thank you," Gabriella whispered, pulling herself, very hesitantly, closer to him. His automatic response, because it was purely automatic, was to tighten his arm around her.
It was weird because he'd never been hesitantly about his actions with her, but now he wanted to measure each of every thing he did with Gabriella. Girls had never been a problem to him, but those girls weren't Gabriella.
He didn't know too much about her love life, but from the previous conversations they had had, he guessed she wasn't an experienced girl and he didn't want to scare her; that was the last thing he wanted. He had always been ruled by his body's needs, but this time he needed to take things slow; that didn't mean, though, that he could be apart from her, because he needed, even craved, to keep some contact with her, a contact that had a whole new meaning behind now.
"Table for two, please," he asked politely to the girl behind the counter when they entered in the restaurant.
"Of course," she said.
Two things happened at once: the stranger girl winked at him, playing with one of her curls and smiling vixen-ly at him, and he felt Gabriella tensing her shoulders. He didn't care about the girl…but he cared about Gabriella; rubbing her arm softly, also pulling her even closer, Troy narrowed his eyes and glared at the stranger – there was no way a slut could make feel Gabriella uncomfortable in front of him.
Over his dead body.
Gabriella saw the girl's reaction to Troy; the fact didn't surprise her but made her think twice about what the fuck he was doing with her. She was everything that girl didn't was – plain and simple. The other girl, instead, was what every guy would describe as hot as hell – elaborated make up, huge and round breasts, pretty face and sexy and hot body.
The confidence decreased seeing the signals the girl was sending to Troy; she was so focused in what she was doing that she didn't pay attention to what Troy was doing because if she had done that, if she had lifted her head to look at Troy, she would have seen the lack of attention he was paying to her if not to send her a stern and cold glare. She noticed, though, how he pulled her body closer to his, and she felt relieved when her side touched his – it was silly, she was sure about that, but the safety she felt whenever he was with her was immense.
"Is that okay?" The waitress asked flirtatiously only looking at Troy.
He snorted – that girl was more than pathetic, if that was possible. "I don't know," he turned his attention to Gabriella. "Do you like this table, Ella?"
Gabriella looked at him confused. "Yeah…I guess?"
Her words sounded more as a question than an affirmation and Troy nodded. "That's okay," he said flatly looking at the girl.
Gabriella was looking the scene bewildered. Why was Troy so tense all of a sudden? It was as if he was mad, but there was no reason for that; in the car he'd been joking and he was so excited for her to see the restaurant, it just didn't make sense. Plus, the girl was inviting…how come he was so worked up?
Troy pulled out the chair for Gabriella ignoring completely the waitress. "Thank you…"
"You're welcome," Troy winked at her and she sent him a small smile.
Sitting in his own chair, Troy continued looking at Gabriella as if the waitress wasn't there. "Can you bring us the menu?"
"Of…of…of course," the waitress stuttered. "Do you need something in the meantime?"
"You can go," Troy ordered flatly, again glaring at her. "We're good."
The girl turned around and disappeared, leaving a very confused Gabriella behind. "What the hell was that about?"
"What do you mean?" Troy asked feigning innocence.
Gabriella snorted. "Troy," she scolded. "You've been rude."
"And?" He prompted smirking at her. "She was making you uncomfortable, and I don't want you being uncomfortable."
The bluntness of his statement froze Gabriella; not even in a million years she'd thought his cold attitude was because of her. It was not as if every time they had been together and a pretty waitress had made a move on him he'd answered flirtatiously, but a comment about her to Gabriella was on the menu for sure. This time, however, not only there weren't comments about the waitress but he'd been just rude with her.
To say Gabriella was confused would be an understatement.
"Oh," she whispered realizing Troy was waiting for her to say something.
"Here you go," the waitress came back again with two menus, still not even looking at Gabriella. "Can I do something for you?"
Troy rolled his eyes and Gabriella lowered hers; she had to give credits to the girls that tried and tried for him to notice them – even though she couldn't blame them.
"No." He answered sternly again not even looking at her and already with his eyes glued to the menu. "Can you give us some minutes?"
The girl disappeared wordlessly and Gabriella looked at Troy stunned. "Are you okay, Troy?"
"Of course," the coldness of his face and voice vanished, and he looked at her. "Why?"
"You're acting…weird," Gabriella said lowly. "You don't seem you…"
"Have you seen her?" He asked shrugging his shoulders. Of course and I've seen how pretty she is, how she wants to be in your pants, how the only thing she has missed has been to throw herself at you, Gabriella thought but nodded wordlessly. "She was making a move on me, she was making you feel uncomfortable and I'm not interested in her; if she doesn't get that with me being polite, then it's not my problem but hers."
Again, the bluntness of his statement left Gabriella stunned.
"Ella," Troy said softly leaving his hand on the table. "I'm not sure what you've understood here but…" He closed his eyes and sighed. "I'm not like that, and you know it, but if I'm here with you, and I'm not interested in the girl that tries something with me, and this said girl acts like a bitch with you, what's normal is for me to make her stop."
"But…" Gabriella protested weakly, thanking the heavens she was already sitting in a chair because she was feeling her legs became jelly.
"No buts," Troy shook his head and locked his eyes with hers. "We're here to enjoy a meal together, forget about that slut and only think about it, please…" His beg had a special edge; his words sounded so intensely that she couldn't help but nod, stunned at the intensity with what he was looking at her. "Good," he grinned again and nodded. "What are you having?"
The question startled Gabriella. "Mmm…I don't know…"
"Do you want me picking the meal?" Troy offered sweetly chuckling quietly at her confused face.
Gabriella grinned sheepishly. "Yeah, thank you…"
Troy called the waitress and then ordered their dinner, not directing a friendly look at her – which Gabriella found extremely amused…and also pleasurable. Waving dismissively at the waitress once Troy asked for everything he wanted, Troy directed all his attention to Gabriella; his eyes softened and he reached for her hand. "Are you feeling better?"
"Yes," Gabriella, slowly, moved her hand until her fingertips touched Troy's, which he understood as a "green light" and grabbed her hand intertwining their fingers together – which made Gabriella to look at their joined hands and smile. "It's still weird but…"
"Weird?" Troy asked concernedly.
"Yeah," she sighed. "I mean…I feel happy because now you know everything but…it's weird because I've never talked about that with anyone but today…and twice. Is like…I don't know, like so many changes in so less time…"
"Hey," Troy squeezed her fingers softly. "We'll get there, I promise…"
Gabriella smiled at his choice of words. "We?" She asked timidly.
"We," Troy smiled and answered firmly. "I've promised you I'm going to help you go through that, and I'll make good on my promise, Ella. If you need me, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere…"
Tears were beginning to invade her eyes and Gabriella lowered them, ashamed after all the crying she'd made Troy suffer. "That's…very…important for me, Troy," Gabriella tried to look the right words. "You don't know how…much…how much I appreciate this…"
"You matter to me," Troy shrugged.
Gabriella's eyes snapped up to his face when he spoke those words – she didn't know why, but those words had opened a box inside of her, had waken something inside of her…though she couldn't think twice about it because the meal arrived just then.
After that intense moment between them, the pair ate and joked about anything and everything, leaving the awkwardness behind. However, neither of their minds rested in peace – Troy's was taking notes of everything Gabriella said and did, amazing him with no end, and Gabriella was trying to process the weird evening they were spending together with the drama first and then with this new…something between them.
He took her home after insisting on paying the dinner; the physical contact between them was constant again, not that Gabriella was complaining, but she felt surprised by that because even though they had always been touching, this time things had a different meaning for her…and also intensity; of course she didn't know if she was imagining things or if Troy was actually acting differently towards her, but she would have sworn that there was something different between them.
Too bad she didn't know what it was.
"Well, good night," Gabriella whispered once Troy stopped the car in front of her building. Troy, wordlessly, stepped outside the car startling her again and went to the passenger's side, opening the door for her. "What are you doing?" She asked bewildered by his behaviour.
Grabbing her hand, Troy helped her to step outside the car and, still with her hand in his, began to walk towards the entrance. "You didn't think I would leave you in the middle of the street at that time, did you?" Too embarrassed to talk, Gabriella shrugged her shoulders making him chuckle. "See?" He teased when they were just in front of the door. "You're at home perfectly safe…"
She had to giggle at that. "You're crazy…"
About you, Troy thought softly. "So I've heard," he winked at her and dropped her hand to wrap his arms tightly around her. "Good night, Ella…"
He whispered his words but still goose bumps appeared in the piece of skin of her neck touched by his breath. "Good night, Troy…"
"Hey Ella," he called when Gabriella was about to enter in the building.
She turned around. "What?"
"Can you meet me at the park at seven, tomorrow?" Troy asked embarrassed somehow.
"Sure," Gabriella nodded. "Why?"
"No reason," Troy shrugged. "To hang out I guess…"
"Okay," Gabriella waved him goodbye. "I'll see you tomorrow then…"
And she turned around and entered in the building, not daring to look back to see if he was still there or not though it wasn't because she didn't want to, because she was already missing his heat, missing his scent, missing his voice…missing him, and she wanted to go back to the safety of his arms.
But she was afraid; the turmoil of feelings she was feeling was overcoming her, converting her heart and mind in a tremendous chaos of emotions she didn't see the end of, because she realized that there was more in her feelings for him that what she thought at first. More things which were deeper, stronger and more powerful that how a "simple" friendship should be.
And that scared her.
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She'd spent the night replaying the evening in her head; there was something there, she was sure about that, but she didn't know what it was. It'd been as if he had been trying to tell her something only with his body, with his actions, and though deeply she thought this something was some thing, she was too afraid to see it as a real possibility, too unconfident to think that what she was thinking was the truth, and so she buried that thought in the deepest part of her mind.
But it was still there.
And with all the butterflies floating in her stomach, that possibility seemed stronger each second went by.
Because she'd felt a connection, an intimacy, a bond she'd never felt with him before…even though the connection they already had was super strong.
Something had changed, that was a fact.
But what the hell was that something?
The alarm clock echoed in her bedroom startling her. "Crap," she muttered. "I've forgotten to turn that stupid thing off when I've waken up…"
Shaking the sheets away from her, Gabriella stood up and went directly to her bathroom to take a shower; she was tired, so so tired, she felt all the muscles tensed and sore, and that was the last thing she needed having in mind that she had to go to the university again, so she decided to face this same tiredness with the best remedy she could think about – cold water that she turned on without doubt or hesitation.
Her first day had been a complete failure; she was in the university less than an hour, and after that everything went down. All the nerves she felt the day before, all the fear at the unknown university represented and was, that she had forgotten with everything happened between she and Troy, kicked in again even more strongly.
She shuddered when the first drop of cold water touched her skin, but soon she relaxed and let the coldness do its magic, thinking about the encouraging words both Troy and Bobby told her, feeling and sensing how the soreness and the tension that her body had vanished and went away.
Troy felt a weird, but beautiful, excitement when the alarm of his clock went off and he woke up.
He'd slept like a baby all night; maybe it'd been because Gabriella's scent was all over his pillows or maybe because his dreams had been all about Gabriella. The point was that he felt a new person – happier, less worried, excited, at peace…and also nervous; the nervousness was because he felt surer about his feelings towards her – the whole night full of her, the perfect evening they'd spent together, the sacred relationship they had now…had served him to settle and assure himself that she wasn't another girl. No girl before had been so important for him, and he knew that meant something.
So now he was nervous…because that was being the first time he'd felt so strongly about another someone…and that scared him; what if he messed up? For the very first time he didn't want, in no way, to mess things up; too much was what he could lose and he couldn't afford lose Gabriella now.
He didn't want to.
He couldn't.
Because she'd taught him how to feel, how to care…how to love, and the giggly sensation he was feeling only thinking about her wasn't something he was ready to get rid of. He needed to feel this love, he needed to feel this strongly about someone…he needed Gabriella, and he needed her soon.
Now that he'd realized about his feelings for her, he couldn't wait until she knew them; he didn't fear she turning him down. It wasn't as if he was sure that she loved him back but that for the very first time, he didn't think about what the others could think about him or his actions, not even Gabriella – he felt happy loving Gabriella, and though she didn't love him back, the special warmness was something worthy. Of course he would be happier if she returned his same feelings for him, but only because she'd been able to make him really care about another someone, the experience would be worthy, whichever end it had.
"You seem happy," Lucille grinned from behind him.
Peeking around the closet's door, Troy grinned back. "Maybe because I am…"
"And has Gabriella something to do with that?" Lucille asked conspiringly, clearly amused.
Troy chuckled. "Wise mom, very wise…"
"What?" The woman answered feigning innocence.
"If you want to know something," Troy walked towards his mother and stopped just in front of her, "just ask," he said kissing her cheek.
"As if you were about to answer," Lucille rolled her eyes.
"Why not?" Troy smirked smugly.
Lucille gasped. "Explain to me everything, then…"
Troy laughed. "You're really one of a kind, mom…"
"Don't change the subject!" Lucille scolded.
"I'm not!" Troy protested lifting his arms. "I was only stating the truth…"
"Trooooy," Lucille whined. "Please, please, please, please…"
He had to laugh; the image of his mother begging details from him, pouting, putting puppy dog eyes and with her hands joined together as if she was praying was something amusing.
"What's up with her?" A deep voice sounded from the door. "Why is she like that?" Jack asked clearly amused at his wife's behaviour.
"She's craving her daily gossip's dose," Troy shrugged chuckling at the offended gasp that escaped from Lucille's mouth.
"That's not true!" Lucille blushed looking sheepishly at her husband. "I was only asking him how went things with Gabriella yesterday…"
"Sure you were," Jack muttered.
"What was that?" Lucille changed her tone – from innocent to accusatory, and Troy and Jack laughed, making her scoff. "You two are terrible…"
"Mom," Troy said between fits of laughter. "I can't explain anything because nothing happened."
"But you want for something to happen, right?" Lucille forgot about her husband and the implications behind his words and looked excitedly at Troy. "I mean, she's so pretty, and so sweet…gosh, you two would look amazingly!"
"Hold your horses, Luce!" Jack said stepping into the conversation. "Leave the poor guy alone; he'll explain something when he has something to explain…"
"Don't go all 'I'm the patient' one on me, Jack," Lucille rolled her eyes. "Shall I explain to your son that you were the one who talked about Gabriella non stop when the kids went out?" This time Jack was the one blushing and Lucille smirked victoriously. "I thought so…"
Troy was laughing hard at that and Jack slapped his arm. "Ouch, what was that for?"
"Don't laugh," Jack ordered sternly making Lucille giggle. "And neither do you!"
"Well," Troy chuckled. "It's not that I'm not enjoying this family time but I need some privacy because I need to shower and went to the uni."
"I'm off to work now," Lucille kissed Troy's cheek and Jack's lips. "Are you having dinner here? Remember we have that charity event tonight."
"Crap," Troy muttered. "Well, I'm meeting with Gabriella later…maybe I'll take her out then…" The happy smile that adorned both Jack and Lucille's features at his words wasn't missed by him. "Oh please, go away you two! Seriously, what's with the gossiping today?"
"Behave!" Lucille and Jack exclaimed from behind the door when Troy closed it behind them.
Troy rolled his eyes. "Shut up!" He had to shake his head when, from behind the door, the muffled laughter of his parents arrive at his ears. "Adults my ass…" Troy muttered going to the bathroom.
Looking at his reflection in the mirror, Troy couldn't help but grin when he realized that he would have his home only for him – and Gabriella if she accepted to come there – for some hours. It was not as if he was looking for that alone and private time with her because he wanted to get physical with her but because he wanted peace and tranquillity around them so they could talk, know each other better, enjoy their time together, have her scent fresher and more all over the place so he could feel it whenever he wanted and, maybe, just maybe, he could have the guts he needed to confess his feelings for her.