Meant To Live
I ran down the end of the hall, going back to where I had come from. I looked behind me, noticing Zach was gone. Maybe he had gotten bored waiting for Beth. I shook my head; it wasn't my business. I tucked my book under my arm, running past a few random people I had never talked to. They waved at me, and I turned the corner to go to D Block. Before long I had the doors open, and I was moving down the hall toward my cell. I paced down the hall, feeling the cold radiate against my thin socks from the hard concrete floor. I turned into my cell, holding the bars on the left side as I tossed my backpack down on my bed, grabbing my boots from the wall. I tugged them on over my jeans, letting go of the bars to sit down on the edge of my bed only to jump back up again once my boots were on. I ran back the same way, passing the library. The doors were being opened, and the little kids walked out to head the same way I was going. I raced down C block with them, cracking a smile as I saw Daryl and Beth staring at me.
"Where ya' runnin' off to, kiddo?" Daryl hollered, and I turned around, clutching my book to my chest. Beth smiled for a second, and I laughed at my new name 'kiddo' which he had called me for the second time, figuring that was going to stick with me for a while. I didn't know whether that was Daryl's thing, or if he couldn't remember my actual name.
"The name's Brooke, Daryl," I called back, and he shook his head, turning back to Beth to continue whatever conversation they were having. I spun back around, making my way to the courtyard. I felt the sunlight hit my skin, the heat soaking me, and I sighed, closing my eyes for a moment to enjoy it. The inside of the prison was a lot cooler than the yard, and it was nice getting outside; better than me sitting in my dark cell. This way, I could at least distract myself from my thoughts. I pushed open the gate, shuffling out into the long grass to sit down. The kids had beaten me out here, and I watched them run around, not a care in the world. My grey eyes locked with cerulean, and I could feel the corner of my mouth tug upward. Carl and I shared a staring contest, and I waved at him before turning to find my own place in the grass. I decided on sitting on the slope of the hill, closer to the fences than the prison.
I took my book from under my arm, flipping the first few pages until I found the introduction. I started reading, rushing through the book until I hit page twenty. I was a very fast reader; it was just one of my favorite things to do. Even now, I found myself tied into the novel. Before the world fell apart, I read constantly. There was something about reading your favorite book that made everything go away for a while. And for just a little bit of time, you were there, in the book. It was nice, it took me away for a bit. My mind wasn't constantly on Summer, or my stepdad. It wasn't on the walkers, or whether this place would really be forever.
"What are you readin'?" a familiar voice said in my ear, and I jumped, turning my head to the left. Carl was standing over me, hands on his knees, trying his best to read over my shoulder. He cracked a smile, and I let the book fall in my lap as it closed shut, pushing him back slightly.
"God, what'd I say about sneaking up on me?" I asked, shaking my head as I reopened my book, finding the corner I had folded over itself. I skimmed the page quickly, locating my place once more.
"You scare easy," he commented, sitting down next to me, propping himself up with his arms. He stretched his legs out in front of him, glaring at the fences and the walkers that littered them.
"I do not," I argued, furrowing my eyebrows.
"Ok, ok. But what are you reading, seriously?" he asked, turning his head to me and I sighed, relaxing my face. I lifted my head up, staring at him. I closed the book, holding the cover towards him so he could read it. His blue eyes left mine, to settle on the cover before returning to their original position. "What's it about?"
"Ah, you wouldn't like it," I said, waving him off. I stared at the fences, eyes wandering anywhere but to him. None of my friends had ever liked it, not even Paige. And believe me, I had begged her to read it. But she never did, so I stopped asking. Maybe it was just a book certain people found comfort in; it wasn't for everyone.
"Try me," Carl replied, and I snapped my head back to him, the right corner of my mouth twitching. He grinned at me, waiting for me to tell him all about it.
"Okay," I said, shaking my head again, not caring that locks of hair fell in front of my eyes. I opened the book once more, resting my palm on the worn out page. "Well it's- it's hard to explain. The main character is this teenager; his name's Holden. He's kind of a loner, I guess. He had a rough life; it just- I can just relate to it a lot," I said, trying my best to find a suitable summary. But even I couldn't summarize the book in one sitting; I couldn't possibly describe how amazing it was, how much I loved it. I sighed, giving up on trying to explain it to him. I didn't think he was really interested, why would be? It was just a book, nothing special; nothing that could help any of us in this world.
"I just love it," I decided, folding my hands in my lap. I stared at the ground, watching the blades of grass sway to one side.
"Can I read it?"
I looked up, not expecting that. Why was he asking? Why was he so suddenly interested? Why was he even sitting here, shouldn't he be with his friends? More importantly, what the hell was I doing, sitting here, talking to him like I used to with Paige?
"Why?" I asked, speaking the only word that seemed to stick in my mind.
"You said you loved it; I wanna read it," he replied, smiling lightly.
I stared at him for a long time, not really aware that I was staring. I nodded, closing the book before I handed it out to him. He took it softly, letting it rest on his legs as he crossed one over the other. Carl returned his gaze back to the fences, and I sat crisscrossed, tracing the freckles that dabbled his cheeks and along the bridge of his nose. Everything got quiet, save for the laughter of the little kids racing around behind us. I blinked a few times, clearing my throat before I followed his eyes to the fences not but twenty feet away. The walkers were clawing at the wire, pushing and pulling against the thin barrier that separated us from them. The fences looked strained, and I wished they'd stay up forever.
"Where'd you go?" I asked, filling the silence momentarily. I pulled my legs close to my chest, wrapping my arms around my calves as I drummed my fingers against my knee.
"You fell asleep so I came out here. I helped my dad for a little while," Carl answered, not even looking at me. I nodded, though I was sure he wasn't paying attention.
"Why are you here?" I asked, my voice coming out a lot quieter than I would have liked. I sucked my bottom lip between my teeth, mindlessly gnawing on the sensitive skin. He snapped his head to the right to fix his eyes on me, his hair whipping the side of his neck as he did so.
He raised an eyebrow at me, hiding it under the dark bangs that swept across his forehead. "What?" he asked, like I had said something crazy.
"Why are you over here?" I questioned, waiting for an answer that would put a stop to all of the arguments going on inside my head. "I'm just wondering- I mean, you were over there with Patrick. Why aren't you with your friends?" I stammered, taking the first opportunity I had to avert my eyes to the ground. I mentally scolded myself; I asked too many questions. I was boring, annoying, quite useless; why was he even talking to me?
"You're my friend too," Carl said, in a softer voice than he usually spoke in. And that comment was the only reason I looked back up to meet his eyes.
"I am?" I asked, to myself rather than to him. But despite that, he nodded. He grinned at me, a small dimple forming. I kept my eyes locked on his, feeling his infectious grin spread to me. I broke out into a wide smile, hiding my face against my legs. I heard him chuckle, nudging me with his forearm as I snickered.
It's always have and never hold
You've begun to feel like home
What's mine is yours to leave or take
What's mine is yours to make your own