Chapter 13

How come, when everything's going so right someone has to come in and mess it all up? I shoulda known that Carmen was up to something by the way she was acting, all anti-social and moody. I mean like, okay, maybe deep down inside she had good intentions; like she was looking out for a good friend but the way she went about it—was totally inappropriate and unnecessary. She could have come to me with this information and we could have talked about it, but noooo she had to go and blab in front of the whole school about Ashley's past.

What was I supposed to do? What should I have said? No one at school, besides Madison, knew about me and Ashley's more than a friend relationship. But I don't know now. I'm not ready to be out to everyone. Like, could you imagine how my mom would react? She's Catholic. She says that being gay is like telling God that the way he created things wasn't good enough. I wouldn't bank on her being too thrilled about finding out I'm in love with a girl. So, I wasn't ready to be out to anyone yet really, but after yesterday's performance in the quad I'm not sure everyone won't just put two and two together. I did break up with Aiden a little over a week ago and now, all of a sudden, I'm hanging out with a lesbian. That's no coincidence.

And Ashley. Where do I even start with her? Yes, I'm extremely pissed at her but it's not for the reasons you think. I could care less about Ashley's past. I mean, we all do shit we're not proud of. No one's perfect. What I am supremely pissed about is the fact that she lied to me. Maybe she lied to conceal her past, who knows? But what I do know is that, one lie leads to another and that lie leads to many more lies and then you have a big web of Ashley lies. Our whole relationship is based on a lie. Everything she's told me about herself has been a lie. I feel like I don't even know her.

It's weird you know, yesterday when I left school I have every intention on going back. Well, probably not yesterday but today I was gonna go cause I'm not the skipping school kinda girl. At least, not until that one time with Ashley but that's besides the point. The point is, I was gonna go to school today but when I got in my car this morning and started driving to school I ended up at the beach. I couldn't face her. I can't face her right now. I know that she's gonna try and explain everything to me. And the feelings I have for her will cloud my judgment and I'll probably forgive her too quickly. No, I want her to sweat it out. Let her know that her actions really hurt me. Plus, Carmen will be there and I know that I'm not the only one that wants to punch her so maybe I'm saving all of you guys too.

This morning when I woke up I had a dozen text from Ashley, Madison and Carmen. Ashley wanting to explain herself, Madison asking if I was okay and Carmen apologizing. I don't get why she did it if she knew it would hurt me.

As I lay sprawled out on the beach, the place Ashley and I had our unofficial first day, I get another text. I look down and see it's a text from Ashley.

'Please Spencer, you have to let me explain things to you. Why aren't you at school? Are you okay? Where are you?'

I feel bad for ignoring her. I know she wants to right things with us but I'm not ready to listen.

'I can't today. I need some time.' I text back.

A couple seconds later she texts back, 'Okay. I understand. Just know that I love you, Spencer. And I'm sorry that you had to find out about my past that way.' I hold back the urge to cry, feeling the guilt and pain she has, even in a text. I quickly toss my phone back in my bag before I lost all my self control and told Ashley where I was.

I stayed at the beach for over half the day, waiting until school let out to head home. I didn't wanna get caught at the house during school hours by either one of my parents, cause then I'd have to explain what went down yesterday. I am so not ready for that conversation. I mean, they're hardly ever home, but it seems like whenever you're doing something you're not supposed to—that's when parents always show up unexpectedly.

When I pulled up in my driveway Madison was there waiting for me.

"Hey." I say to her as I get out of the car.

"Hey." She smiles a strained smile. "Are you okay?" She asks, as I make my way to my front door and unlock it.

"Yeah." I say in a small voice, leaving the door open behind me letting her follow me in and up to my room.

"You didn't come to school today." She tells me as I sit down on my bed and she stands over me.

"Yeah, I couldn't be there, not after yesterday. I just needed some me time." I tell her and she nods her head then sits down on the bed. "You knew didn't you?" I ask her, knowing I didn't need to elaborate because she already knew what I was talking about. She nods again. "Well why didn't you tell me Madison? You're my best friend, you're supposed to tell me these types of things. Especially when you see I'm falling head over heels in love with that person."

"I was gonna tell you, Spence. But, I confronted Ashley about it first and she said she would tell you. So I thought that I should just let her tell you, I mean, I thought she would've by now Spence, I swear." She tells me moving closer to me. I can't be mad at Madison, at least she didn't practically out me in front of the whole school.

"Did you know that Carmen knew?" I asks and she rubs my arm comfortingly.

She gives me a look of sorrow and I already know the answer. "I didn't know she was gonna do that." I don't know what Carmen even gained from this. Like, it really makes no sense to me. "She's hurt, Spence." Madison says all of a sudden. Now I'm super confused. Why is she the one hurting?

"Hurt about what? She's the one that practically ruined me and Ashley." I almost yell.

Madison gulps and sighs before saying, "She's hurt that you didn't choose her." Huh? I scrunch my eyebrows in confusion. She continues standing up pacing my room, "I promised I would never tell you this, Spence. I promised, Carm, but now I'm gonna break that promise. A promise, I never had any intentions on breaking but after what happened yesterday, I think you deserve to know." She pauses and stops pacing to look at me. I wait patiently for her to continue. "So, the beginning of ninth grade year." She pauses again, the look on her face is pained. Like it's literally hurting her to say this.

"Madison, what is it?" I asks, she's taking a little too long to continue this time.

"Spencer," She sits down next to me now. "Ninth grade year, Carm told me that she had feelings for you." She stops, letting it all soak in, but I'm not sure if I heard her right.

"Huh?" I question, making sure my ears weren't playing tricks on me.

"She's liked you a long time, Spence. And I think that she's threatened by Ashley. I don't know, maybe she thought she never had a chance because you were straight and with Aiden, but now that she knows about you and Ashley, and that Ashley's gay; she's threatened." She stares at me as I drown in her words. Carmen likes me? Like, as more than a friend? Wait, I'm confused.

"So, what the fuck was all that about in the quad? She did that to break up me and Ashley so she could have a chance?" I ask, seriously confused at this point. Who the hell does that to someone they supposedly care about? If anything, that would push me further from you.

"I guess. Honestly, Spence, I don't know where Carmen's head is. Ever since Ashley got here she's been all over the place."

"So let me get this straight. Carmen has had feelings for me since ninth grade, but she never said anything because she didn't want to come in between Aiden and I. But when Ashley came in the picture and I broke up with Aiden, she decided she would act like a total ass instead of just telling me how she felt, and then decided to hurt me in the worst way possible?" I ask my best friend who just nods.

That has to be the dumbest thing I ever heard. Wouldn't you agree?

"Have you talked to Ashley?" Madison asks me and I drop my head. It hasn't even been a full day and I miss her like crazy already.

"Not yet."

"Just hear her out Spence, when I talked to her, I threatened her. I told her that if she didn't tell you, I would and if she ever hurt you I'd beat the shit out of her. So I'm sure she had every intention on telling you." My best friend tells me with a serious look on her face.

"Thank you." I say hugging her. She pulls with confusion on her face. "For being here—for always being here when I need you. And for threatening Ashley to treat me right." I finish with a smile.

"Always." She says simply, mimicking my smile. "That's what best friends are for chica. Okay, I'm gonna get out of here." She tells me standing up from my bed.

"Okay." I say getting up too and hugging her. "Thank you again, Mads." I say as we pull back. She gives me a small smile before leaving.

I flop back down on my bed, thoughts of Ashley filling my mind. I wish she would have just told me all this stuff from the beginning. Then we wouldn't be going through all this right now.

The next day at school when I pulled into the parking lot Ashley was there waiting for me, with a dozen roses. Ugh! She makes it so hard to be mad at her.

"I'm sorry, baby." She tells me as I get out of my car.

"You can't fix this with flowers, Ashley." I tell her, holding back a smile at her insanely sweet gesture.

"I know. And I'm not trying to. I just saw these this morning and I felt like I wanted to get them for you, so I did." She says holding the flowers out for me to take with a smile.

"Thank you." I take the flowers and put them in my car.

We both stand there for a minute awkwardly before she says, "Okay then. I'm gonna head to class. I'll see you later, Spencer." She runs away towards the quad. I already see that she's gonna make it super difficult for me to be mad at her.

And super difficult is exactly how she made it.

That went on for almost a week... me coming to school and Ashley having all types of gifts for me. Being all extra sweet and stuff. It was so hard to not just give in and forgive her but I needed time to think. Time away from her—time to myself.

"Spencer, sweetie" My mom shakes me and I groan in disapproval at being woken up this early on a Saturday. "Spencer, you have company." She shakes me again. I open my eyes and peek over at my clock to see it's 11am. I never wake up this early on Saturday. It's my down day. Meaning, no school, no homework and more sleep.

"Ugh! Who is it mom?" I ask, sitting up.

"It's Carmen sweetie." What the hell is she doing here. Not once this week did she try and talk to me to explain why she did what she did and now, she wants to talk. Psst, whatever.

"Tell her I don't want company." I tell my mom turning back over in my bed.

"Spencer, sweetie that's rude. She's your friend. Are you two fighting?" She asks, ripping the covers back off me. I can already see that's she's gonna leave me alone about this.

"No mom, look can you just tell her I'll be down in a sec?" I get up and go into my bathroom to freshen up.

When I walk down the steps Carmen is sitting on the couch, playing with her fingers. I clear my throat and she whips her head around to see me on the steps. I don't say anything I just turn around and walk back up to my room. She can follow if she wants. I don't really care.

After a few minutes she appears in my room. Neither of us willing to be the first person to talk. I mean, she's the one that messed up. Why should I have to be the one to talk?

I'm sick of this silence though.

"What is it exactly that you want, Carmen?" I asks as she stands in my doorway. I'm in no mood for this really.

"Um..." She starts, looking up at me and seeing my less than pleased face. I motion my hands for her to continue. "Well, I just wanted to say I was sorry, Spence. I didn't mean for it to happen that way." She says, finally coming and sitting next to me on the bed.

"You printed an article on Ashley and read it in front of half the school. What exactly did you expect to happen?" I ask, now angrier than I was.

"Well, I really just wanted you to stop talking to Ashley. I can't stand seeing you with her, Spence."

"And why is that?" I ask, already knowing the answer. Honestly, I just need to hear it from her.

"Well." She says looking down at her fingers once again.

"Carmen." I say and she looks up at me.

"I like you, Spence." She says, never breaking eye contact. "Since we were 14 I've liked you. I never said anything because you were with Aiden, and you were both my friends. I didn't wanna come in between you two, but when Ashley came into the picture, and you broke up with Aiden for her—I couldn't take it." She finishes and I don't say anything, letting everything set in. "Spence?" She questions.

"I'm sorry that you felt that way all those years and felt like you couldn't tell me, Carmen. It must have been horrible to have those feelings for someone then watch them be with someone else. But, I'm with Ashley." I sigh when Carmen face falls. "I love her, Carmen. And before her, I would have never been with a girl. It's her and only her I have feelings for. I'm sorry, Carm." I say and she stands up. I feel bad that I can't reciprocate the feelings that she has for me, I know it must hurt, a lot.

"I'm sorry that I've been an asshole these past couple of months." She says as she starts walking towards my door. She stops in the doorway and turns around to look at me one more time before leaving, so much pain evident in her eyes and I feel terrible. She mumbles something before walking down the steps and out the front door.

I really hope this thing where Carmen want's to act like a complete asshole is over, I really want my friend back.

As I laid back down on my bed, thinking to myself, if I can forgive, Carmen, then I sure as hell should let Ashley at least explain herself.

I grab my phone off the dresser and text Ashley.

'I'm ready to listen.'

A couple of second later she texts back, 'I'm on my way.' I smile at her eagerness then toss my phone back on the dresser.

I'm fairly sure Ashley broke at least two or three laws to get here. I know it takes at least 20 minutes to get here and Ashley got here in about nine. So you do the math. We're in my room I'm sitting on my bed and she's standing in front of me.

"I'm so glad you called, well texted, Spencer. I missed you like crazy." She said kneeling down in front of me.

"I'm listening." I try and sound like I'm not just as excited to see her as she is me.

"I don't even know where to start." She lets out a small laugh then clears her throat when she see I'm not laughing with her. "Well, okay. I guess I'll start with why I lied." She says, getting up and sitting down next to me on the bed. "I love you a lot, Spencer. And when I first got here, honestly, I never expected to find someone that I would fall totally head over heels in love with. But, as you can see, things never really go how we plan them." I look up from the floor and catch her eyes. Bad idea. My heart flutters as she continues. "I told you all those things, Spence, cause I didn't want you to know about my past. I didn't want you to look at me how you're looking at me right now." She sighs then stands. "I didn't want my past to come in between us. I wanted to come here and have a fresh start. Leave all that shit I did back in San Diego, behind me." She says, sitting back down and grabbing my hands. "I love you and I don't wanna lose you. I know that I messed up, but I promise to never lie to you again. To never make you feel like you're on the outside looking in. I swear on everything, Spencer, I will never let you find out something about me like that again. I wanna tell you everything. Anything you wanna know, just ask me baby, and I'll tell you." She finishes, staring directly into my eyes.

"I'm not mad about your past, Ashley. I could care less what you used to do. Is about what you do now. You lied to me, and I had to find out in the worst way possible. That's what I was upset about."

"I know. And like I said, I'm so super sorry baby. I promise to spend forever trying to make it up to you." She finishes with the cutest little pout I've ever seen and I melt.

"Okay." I say as a small smile plays at my lips.

"Okay?" She says, a little surprised. I guess she expected to do more groveling.

"Yes." I say and she smiles.

"I love you." She says pulling me into a hug.

"I love you, too." I whisper into her ear. She pulls back and cups my face before pulling me into a kiss. I can feel how much she missed me and I'm showing her just how much I missed her too. As we pull back from the kiss, both flushed, there's a knock on my door before my mom comes in. Both our heads shoot towards the door and Ashley stands.

"Oh, hello there, Ashley. How are you doing?" Why does my mom always pretend like she doesn't know I have company? Does she think the expensive foreign vehicle in our drive way belong to us? Like it just magically appeared there. Again I say, really mom? Really?

"I'm fine Mrs. C." Ashley smiles at my mother nervously.

"You're staying for lunch I presume?" I mom asks, coming into my room placing my laundry on the bed. Yes, my mother still does my laundry. And?

"Um..." She starts, looking at me for an answer. I shrug. "Actually, I was gonna take Spencer to lunch." She tells my mother who just looks back between the both of us before saying,

"Okay. Well I'll see you for dinner, Spencer. You girls have fun." She smiles then exits my room.

"You're taking me to lunch?" I question Ashley, with a smirk on my face.

"I am now." She smiles. "Now go get ready. I have lost time to make up for. And a lot of kissing to do." She smiles and exits so I can get ready. How much did I miss this girl?

A/N: I know a few people were upset about the previous chapter... I hope this one makes up for it a little. Maybe? Hopefully... anywho's I hope you enjoy and next chapter shouldn't be that far down the road. Thanks for all the comments. :)