Chapter 13

Inara sat stiffly on the couch. She looked around, being back in her shuttle was making her uncomfortable. She needed to examine the feelings of dissatisfaction her things were awakening in her before much longer. She really didn't want to yet. She grinned at herself, she was having too much fun right now. Jayne and Kaylee had spent the afternoon straightening the shuttle. They had it in good shape, although, she would have to provide the finishing touches herself.

She and Jayne had decided that the shuttle offered the best location for the discussion with River. It offered more space for sitting and the support of a more formal atmosphere than her small room in the dorm.

Dinner had gone much better than she thought possible. She and Jayne had restrained their tendency to touch and hold hands, as much as they could without being totally uncomfortable anyway, Jayne had been mostly regular Jayne and Mal had graciously ignored anything he noticed. She smirked, Mal and gracious not being two words she usually found in the same thought. It had taken Kaylee, Zoe and Simon a few minutes to relax and be comfortable with the idea that there didn't appear to be any major explosions coming, but once everyone had settled down, it had been fun. She laughed, especially when the others would stare in astonishment at how playful she and Jayne were with them all.

She heard Jayne and River coming up the steps. Hearing Jayne clumping along as was usual for him gave her the opportunity to settle her mind. She stood as they entered. "Mei Mei, welcome. Come in and sit down." Inara directed River to one of the chairs set with two others in a triangle. She had wanted to make sure that if there were any confusion or rancor during the discussion it would not appear to be two against one.

"It is permissible that I arrive early to my 'appointment'? I have very little knowledge of the etiquette surrounding 'appointments'." River spat out the word, appointment, as if it were a curse. She sat with her legs pulled up under her chin and a very petulant expression on her face.

Inara and Jayne sat. They had decided that Inara would lead the conversation and Jayne would jump in to support if it looked like she was having difficulties. "River would you mind explaining to us what or why you would like us to tell you about god?"

River rolled her eyes, still in a bad mood about the whole appointment thing. "Lets see, you and Jayne were having sex, you both screamed GOD in both voice and mind, and then I saw him. I felt the burning in my head and all over my body and I ..." she slowed down and blushed, as her eyelashes fluttered and she shivered as she became aroused at the memory. "I came. A lot. It was very messy." River wrinkled her nose as she considered all the cleaning up she'd had to do.

"He burned my eyes so bad I saw spots for hours afterward. People are loud when they are sexin' so I know that it isn't unusual for people to yell God. But only when you did it has anyone I know ever actually seen him. He healed me." Her excitement for the subject returned. "I want to know about him and how to go see him myself." She considered Jayne for a moment, "Or with another person if that is necessary."

"Réncí de Fozu" Inara murmured. This was going to be difficult. Perhaps if she could keep her explanation on a somewhat scientific level... "Mei Mei, I'm sure you are familiar with the principles of acupressure, am I correct?"

River nodded hesitantly.

"What Jayne and I were doing was a ritual, not just having sex or making love. The ritual involved carefully manipulating many pressure points that open up various parts of the mind, body and psyche. Because of the emotional trauma that Jayne and I had shared with each other regarding what happened to me during my capture and him while revisiting his past, we activated those points on each other. Normally for the healing ritual there is only one recipient. Am I expressing myself in a way that makes sense?

"Hyper awareness, increased blood flow, energetic manipulation using meridians resulting in a breakdown of psychological protective mechanisms compounded and enhanced through mutual sexual stimulation."

A quirky smile flickered across Inara's lips. She nodded. "I think what happened then, is that our combined emotional output was so high, you received it empathetically from both of us and had the same points activated in you. The healing you experienced was a normal, if significantly stronger than usual, byproduct of the ritual. I'm sorry Mei Mei, but I don't think we saw god. Not as a person, like you were thinking." Inara waited, concerned with what River's response might be.

River's response was muffled by her knees as she pulled them tighter to herself. "So you don't think we saw God? I won't ever feel that way again?"

Jayne knelt next to River's chair and rubbed her back, waiting to see if she was willing to be comforted. She leaned into him and wrapped her arms around his neck sniffling. He picked her up with his arm under her legs and carried her to the couch and held her on his lap. Inara came and sat next to them, wrapped her arms around them both and kissed River on the forehead. "We didn't see him in that way Mei Mei, I'm sorry. But it isn't impossible to feel that way again. Not exactly the same, but much better when you have a special ai ren with you instead of being alone."

River raised her face from Jayne's shirt and sniffled, looking through her hair at Inara. "Kaylee and Simon never see the lights. Zoe and Wash didn't either."

Inara smiled and tucked Rivers hair back behind her ears and cupped her face in her palms tilting her chin up. She leaned forward and whispered, "I'll tell you a secret Mei Mei, if you don't see the lights at least some of the time there are many things you and your ai ren could be doing better. You have to keep that between us, now, you can't say anything to Simon or Kaylee and especially not to Zoe."

River grinned and hugged Inara. "I understand, must not make them feel like boobs."

Jayne chuckled and hugged them both tight.

River hopped up and spun towards the door. She stopped and stared at them. "I would like you" she carefully looked first at Inara then Jayne, "to teach me about sex. Teach me right, not just hints and giving books like you have in the past" she frowned at Inara. She transferred her gaze to Jayne and looked at him steadily. Still stunned about being included in her first request, Jayne began to feel uneasy under her steady gaze. "I wish Jayne to take my virginity. Not now, but after I have begun my training."

Shaken completely out of their calm, Inara and Jayne's voices stumbled over each other "River that's not...I can't do...We can't"

Jayne said, "River it wouldn't be right for me to do that."

River frowned at them until they paused for a breath. "I don't understand. I thought it was one of the greatest gifts Companion's had to give." She looked at Inara "I have heard you say this." River was worried, zāogāo had she asked this at the wrong time? Huài le it was so hard to look after people when you couldn't tell exactly when it was ok to say things, not to mention having to have appointments.

Jayne and Inara looked at each other. "River," Jayne began "the problem isn't just with your request. The problem is partly that I'm not sure if I am a Companion right now. Although there are plenty of problems with the request its own self."

Tears welled in Inara's eyes as she nodded. She began to understand her discomfort.

River raised an eyebrow, "Neither of you?"

Inara looked down at her hands and shook her head. Jayne gaped at her.

River laughed at them "Niúshĭ, let me know when you are ready to begin." She skipped out of the room.

Jayne and Inara slumped against each other.

Jayne put his arm around Inara's shoulders and pulled her in tight. "You handled that very well băobèi." She leaned against his chest. Jayne kissed the top of her head. "you didn't tell me."

"I didn't know until you said it out loud. Then I realized why I have been so uncomfortable with all of my things."

"She is a genius, could be she'll turn out right."

Inara closed her eyes. "I can't see it from here Jayne."

Jayne shook his head, a thoughtful expression on his face. "Me either băobèi, me either.

Inara raised up and kissed Jayne softly. Then smiled a beautiful and loving smile at him. "I'm fine either way, ai ren, the only requirement is that I stay this happy. I do feel lost at not knowing what I might end up doing, but going back to the sense of ..." She searched for the right word. "Incompleteness I've had for so many years is not an option."