Chapter 14

Rolling over with a lazy smile as he rose to consciousness, Poe smiled at the familiarity of his old bed underneath him and his old worn blankets around him, reassuring him that he truly was home. Sighing, he opened his eyes to the morning light filtering into his room before he frowned, the events of last night resurfacing. After her nightmare, he had stayed with Nat until he was sure she had fallen asleep so he could return to his own room. The question he had now was would she be willing to talk about what had caused her pain last night, or rather act as though nothing had happened? Sitting up, he stretched his arms into the air as he yawned, then stood and walked into the hall and to the door just a few steps from his. Knocking on the metal, he listened carefully before hearing a faint come in. The door sliding open, he wandered in to see Nat curled up in bed, her face peeking out from the blankets.

Watching carefully, he gave her a weak smile as he met her gaze. "Any more bad dreams?" He asked gently.

Closing her eyes, a tear slid down to her temple as she shook her head. "Not dreams. Memories." She whispered.

Understanding flooded his face as he nodded. "Is there anything I can do?"

Her face pinched in thought as she considered her options. Finally, she looked up at him once more. "Stay with me? Please? I know I'm supposed to be here helping you, but I can't do it today, Poe. Not today."

At her broken tone, the familiar want and need for human comfort thumped wildly in his chest, which was in fact what Nat was also experiencing in that moment. "Yeah, of course, Tasha. This is your recovery trip too. Do what you need to do."

Sniffling, she nodded before sitting up with difficulty an scooting over so that there would be room for him on the other side of the bed so he could sit next to her. "Thank you." She croaked.

"Hey, no problem." He said, walking around the bed to sit on the right side, carefully bringing his arm around her shoulders.

Though it was originally a side hug, Nat sagged into his side, sniffling as she tried to sit up and breath but ultimately admitted defeat and lean against him, looking up at him apologetic eyes. "Sorry." She mumbled. "Do you want me to move?"

This simply made him chuckle. "Like I said last night, you're a cuddler, aren't you?"

Against him, she nodded. "Yeah, I don't know why. She admitted quietly. "Maybe just some sort of sense of security? I think that's why I use so many blankets as well." She kicked weakly at the think multitudes of blankets covering their legs. "I dunno."

"Before… before everyone died, did you have any…" He began to ask, trying to be delicate.

"A significant other?" She said for him. "No, never."

"Oh." His posture slackened slightly. "I was wondering if that was why you sleep curled around a pillow."

"No. The unit I was with highly discouraged relationships, lest risk being kicked out." She replied. "Except under special circumstances. What about you?"

"Couple of relationships, nothing that lasted, though." He mused lowly, trying to rack his mind to think of any legion or military group he had heard of that matched the experiences she described. Unfortunately, nothing came to mind.

"Ah." Nat too seemed to relax. "You never answered my question, by the way. Do you want me to move?"

"Would it be weird if I said no?" A grin tugged at the corner of his mouth as he threw his free arm over her waist to playfully pull her closer, echoing his words from the hospital wing on D'Qar.

Catching onto his playful; behaviour, she smiled. "Would you mind if I said no?" She replied, twisting in his arms so she slightly lay on his chest, her left arm hooked around his torso.

"Shh, rest." He pulled her closer, trying to quiet her and hide his blush. "You had a hard night."

"Wait." She tried to wiggle away.

Instead, he tightened his hold and laughed. "No, you have to rest."

"Poe!" She whined. "I need to take my meds!"

Instantly relinquishing his hold, he got up before she could move and made his way to her luggage. "What am I looking for?"

"Yellow bottles. Just on top of my clothes." She mumbled, somewhat deflating in bed.

Nabbing the colorful containers, he climbed back into the bed and handed them to her before helping her sit up. Watching her take pills from the bottles, his eyes widened as he studied it from where it sat in her open hand whilst she reached for her glass of water. "Those things are almost the size of my fingernail!" He exclaimed. "And those the pills you have to take?"

Smirking slightly, she tossed them in her mouth and chased it down with water. "Horse pills." She muttered, tossing the containers across the room and back into her suitcase, then put the glass back on the bedside table and relaxed back onto the bed.

"Can I ask you something?" He said nervously as he lay on his side to face her once she was comfortable, leaving a respectable amount of distance between them.

"Sure." She replied, remaining on her back as she closed her eyes.

"How do you handle it? You survived genocide and yet you go about your work daily acting as though nothing has happened." He noted. "How can you do that? I mean, how do you do it?"

"I'd have to ask the same of you." She replied, rolling onto her side to face him. "You were tortured both physically and mentally. How do you continue on in life?"

Locking his gaze with equally dark eyes, he was surprised, in fact almost comforted to in a strange way, to see a familiar strength but hidden helplessness there. "I know what I signed up for, Tasha." He told her softly. "I know with each mission I fly, I might not get to go home. And if my death means I've helped bring the galaxy a step closer back to peace, I'm okay with that." Shuffling closer, he brought a finger up to gently brush at a small scar above the right side of her left eyebrow. "But you lost everyone you know to genocide. So how do you go on?"

Reaching up, she caught his hand in hers and brought it down to cradle it close, making him smile. "I-I…" She struggled to talk, her eyes beginning to fill with tears. "I knew it was coming. My friend, the soldier I dreamed about last night, that I remembered, he discovered the genocide plot and tried to make it public. He was murdered however before he could convince anyone else of the truth. I tried to help him, but no one would listen…" Sniffling, she let out a cough, turning away and rolling onto her back so she wouldn't cough on Poe. "Despite trying to help my friend, no one thought the plot to be true after he died. Mass murder happened a few months later." Though she had stopped clasping their hands when she rolled over, he reached back to hold her right hand. "Survivor's guilt will always be there, but I always knew that it was where we were destined to go. I always knew nothing could be done or that no one would listen."

"I- I am so sorry." Poe said, unable to manage anything else. What could one say in response to that? He'd never been in such a situation, so how could he relate, how could he understand, how could he even begin to?

"I swear sometimes I feel like I'm still in the middle of that god-awful war. Sometimes I still am…" She breathed, her eyes sliding shut.

Sighing, he attempted a weak smile before he spoke. "I know you said what happened to you was years ago, but with something on that large of a scale, it'll take time for you to heal. But you don't have to deal with it alone anymore; you've got BB-8, Black Squadron, Finn, me… You have people who care about you again, those willing to help carry the weight when you have bad days. We all have those days, that's the price we pay by fighting, but we'll help each other get through this. I'll help you. Just like you've been helping me." He whispered. When he didn't get a response, he studied her face in confusion. "Tasha?" He asked, met with silence. Realizing she had fallen asleep, he chuckled lowly before squeezing her hand and getting off the bed. With a final glance and smile, he left the room.

In the hall however, he was surprised to see his father waiting. "How is she?" Kes asked quietly.

"She knew." Poe said as he walked into the kitchen, Kes following behind. "She knew her division was going to slaughtered, but no one would listen. So, she couldn't do anything to save them."

"The General told me." Kes said lowly, leaning against the counter as he watched his son fill up the sink with water to wash the few dishes in the sink. "It was horrific what she went through. But she's a tough woman. She'll pull through; the both of you will."

Poe didn't respond, instead slowly scrubbing the dishes as he shifted through his thoughts. "Dad, I knew what I was getting myself into when I joined the Republic fleet. When I realized I wasn't making a difference there and General Organa extended the invitation to join the Resistance, I accepted without a second thought. In all that time I knew there was a chance I would die. I've faced spies, Agent Terex, torture droids…"

Sighing heavily, Kes looked up at Poe. "It's easy for one to say at any time they are ready to die for a cause, but sometimes we find that when we are in that moment and faced with the possibility of death, we find that we are not ready."

Dropping a drinking glass into the water filled sink, it landed with a muffled thud as Poe turned to look at his father in shock. "Are you saying that I should quit?" He asked in disbelief.

Chuckling, Kes shook his head. "You sound like your mother there." He said, making Poe relax and smile slightly. "Shara and I had that conversation often when we were with the Rebellion. But we kept fighting; for you, for everyone."

"I'm fighting for everyone too, Dad." Poe murmured, turning back to the dishes.

"You come from a line of Beys and Damerons, of course you are." Kes smiled. "I'm proud of you, son. And I know your Mom is too." He said before turning to leave the kitchen.

"Thanks, Dad." Poe said. A thought struck him however, making him call out. "Hey, could I borrow the speeder for the afternoon?"

Pausing in the doorway, the corner of Kes' mouth turned upwards. "You'd have to fix a couple of small things on it, but sure. What did you have in mind?"

"Show Nat the local sites?" Poe shrugged.

A knowing smile spread across Kes' face instantly. "You like her, don't you?"

"Daaaaad…" Poe groaned.

"Oh, come now, Poe!" Kes teased.

"Dad, she's a General. My superior. I can't." Poe rebutted.

"So? Look at Solo and the Princess-"

"General Solo was killed, Dad." Poe interrupted, making Kes' face fall.

"I know. And everyday he knew that was a chance he took, but he kept fighting. We all do." With that, Kes left the kitchen, leaving Poe standing at the sink at a loss of what to do.

It was an hour later Kes walked into the main sitting and dining room and was surprised to see Nat curled up on one of the sofas, her hands wrapped around a glass of water. Instantly recognizing the quiet haunted look on her face, he walked over to sit next to her. Looking down at the carpet, he thought carefully before putting an arm around her shoulder and giving her a slight and comforting squeeze. "I've been there, kid. War never gets easier." He told her.

Allowing her head to fall to the side, she rested it on his shoulder with a sigh. "No, it doesn't."

"This spot certainly has seen its share of mourning fighters." He told her, motioning to the spot they sat on. "I'd sometimes find Poe's mom sitting here at night, or she'd find me here early in the morning. Then after Shara died, I started finding Poe curled up here."

"He's a good man, Kes." She said, pulling away to put her glass on the table in front of them before leaning back into the corner of the couch. "He's been a wonderful friend ever since I arrived at the Resistance."

"Sounds like you needed a friend, and I'm glad Poe was able to help you. Whether he knows your history or not." He said. "I know back then the Jedi were typically detached from the emotions, but you're human. It's okay to have feelings."

"Pfft, have you met a Skywalker?" Nat scoffed, though she smiled slightly at the memory of her brother. "Nothing but emotional. Well, the men for the most part. And me."

"Poe said a memory popped up last night." He began.

"The Chancellor was a wicked man. But no one fully realized it until it was too late."

"Remember, I grew up under his rule when he was Emperor. I know how wicked he could be." He said.

"Sorry." She mumbled shrinking in her seat.

"Don't apologize for something you had no choice in, hon." He said.

Looking him in the eye, she grinned, making him grin as well. "We both know I had a choice."

"Shh, let me give fatherly advice." He laughed, patting her shoulder as he stood up.

"Thanks, Kes. I appreciate it." She said sincerely.

"Amidst your own inner struggle, you've come to help my son take care of himself. You need support too, Natasha." He said.

Left speechless, she could only smile weakly. "Thank you." She whispered.

Giving her a final pat on the back, he walked away and into the kitchen. She wasn't left alone for very long however as Poe walked through the front glass doors from outside. "Oh, you're up!" He crowed cheerfully.

"Of course." She mused, smiling up at him. "As much as I would like to, I cannot stay in bed all day. I am here for you."

"And for yourself." He reminded her.

"I suppose so." She shrugged.

Regarding her sadly, he walked over to her and took her hands in his to pull her to her feet, the green skirt of her dress swishing around her knees. "How would you feel about an afternoon trip?" He asked.

Turning her head away to glance down, she bit her lip as she nodded, giving his hands a squeeze. "Alright." She agreed.

Smiling widely, he dropped a hand to twirl her around slightly, making her laugh. "Dad! We're going!"

"Have fun!" Kes called.

"Thank you!" Nat managed to reply as she pulled on her boots before being dragged out the door.

"A market? Really?" She asked, craning her neck to quickly scan over the area.

"Yeah," Poe nodded as he parked the speeder. "Thought I'd introduce you to the locals, food, how things are done."

"Cool." Though she smiled, her hands nervously smoothed down her skirt.

As the engines died down, he hopped out and circled around to offer a hand to her with a grin. "Come on, you'll love it." When she took his hand without question and carefully eyed the surrounding forest and clearing ahead as she climbed out, Poe laughed and tucked her arm in the loop of his. "Relax, that's why we're here, right?

"Sorry, force of habit." She apologized, smiling weakly.

"No worries, sweetheart." He said, leading her past the other small ships and speeder and towards the line of trees where the market stood in the next clearing.

"Sweetheart?" She repeated curiously.

"Oh, umm… sorry." He stumbled to speak. "I know we're not on duty, but that was out of li-"

"It's okay." She promised, squeezing his arm. "You've used it before, hell, I've said it to you before. No one's ever really called me that. It's nice…" She trailed off, letting her head rest momentarily on his shoulder as they walked.

"You-" He began to say when he was cut off when they cleared the treeline and a voice called out to him.

"Caraya's Soul, Poe Dameron!" A woman's voice shouted, making Nat jump.

Looking to the source of the voice, Poe smiled widely before grabbing her hand and running towards a stall. "Nar Nar!" He called happily, letting go of Nat's hand once they reached the stall so he could run around it to hug the old woman on the other side.

"Oh, Poe! It's been so long!" The frail woman said happily. "How are you, my dear boy?"

"I'm well, Nar Nar, I'm well." He pulled away to hold her hands, giving her a sincere smile. "Was given a bit of vacation time from work and got to come home."

"Well it's about time." She declared before noticing Nat watching the pair fondly. "And who is this young lady?"

Walking around the stall, he gently pushed Nat towards the old woman. "Nar Nar, I'd like you to meet General Natasha Amidala. She's a good friend of mine."

"And your boss." Nat mumbled teasingly.

"A General! At such a young age? Impressive." Nar Nar grinned.

"Well, I've seen quite a bit. Thank you." Nat said.

"Amidala, you said?" Nar Nar asked. "Like the young Naboo Queen. I remember when she came to Alderaan when she was a senator to discuss the refugees of the Clone War. Wonderful woman, she was."

"Yes, she was." Nat blinked quickly, trying to rid herself of any possible tears.

"Tasha, this is Jonar. She's like a grandmother to all the young people here." Poe introduced her.

"My husband was from this moon, so once we married I left Alderaan to join him here. After it and my family's destruction, the people of this world became everything to me." Nar Nar smiled wistfully.

"I'm sorry." Nat said sadly.

"I've lived a long time, dear, and have seen too much. The galaxy simply exists in a perpetual state of turmoil."

Nat nodded as she looked down. "Does it ever."

Looking to the stall behind them, Poe perked up when he saw the round purple fruit in a basket. "How much, Nar Nar?" He asked, picking one up and tossing it in the air slightly.

"Take it, one for you and one for your friend." Nar Nar said kindly.

Turning to see what they were discussing, Nat's eyes widened as a smile split her face. "Jogan fruit!" She crowed excitedly at the sight of the purple fruit with white stripes. "I haven't had this in ages!"

"Nar Nar grows some of the best fruit around here," He passed the fruit to her, smiling at how delicately she handled it. "Bit of everything from everywhere. But you have to let us pay for it."

Making a face, the old woman waved Poe closer so that she could whisper to him. "Kes told me about what you did for the Resistance. Please, take it dear. It's the least I can do."

Taking a step back, he nodded. "Thanks, Nar Nar." He said, his voice smaller this time.

"You two must stop by sometime while you're here. I'd like to chat some more." She told them, wagging her finger.

"We will, Mam. And thank you for the Jogan fruit." Nat said, taking one from a basket as she and Poe walked around the stand and back out to mingle with the crowd.

"It was my pleasure, dear. I'll see you two around soon." Jonar called after them.

"Bye!" Poe called as they walked away.

"I like her." Nat said. "Reminds me of Jira when I lived on Tatooine."

"She's amazing. Looks after everyone in the community, even if the community is vastly spread." He replied, biting into his Jogan fruit.

At the squelching sound, she looked over to see purple juice dribbling down his chin. "You've got something, right there." She laughed, tapping her chin.

"Maybe I'm saving it for later." He replied indignantly, though smiling as well.

"You're a ridiculous man, Poe Dameron." She shook her head as she stopped to pull a handkerchief from a pocket hidden in her dress and to wipe at his chin, making him smile wider at the gesture.

"You love me." He teased her with her own excuse.

"God knows why." She shook her head before they continued past the stalls.

They stopped often, looking at the various wares stalls were stocked with, whether it was food, fabric, weapons, or tools. People often stopped them as well when they recognized Poe, exchanging pleasantries and remembering times from seemingly long ago. It was when Poe was looking over a small weapons stall and speaking with the owner Nat slipped away, hearing a familiar noise in the trees. Stepping into the forest, she was happy to see a small stream flowing through the woods, passing market and leaving it untouched. Wandering over to it, she kneeled on the ground to look into the crystal-clear water, searching for any small life forms. Finding none, she dipped her hands into the water and started to play with it, giggling to herself and she made sure not to soak the edges of her sleeves. Sensing unfamiliar movement behind her however, she brought her actions to a still and looked behind her. Blocking her path back to the market stood a man that she could only describe as brutish and unpleasant. He stood much taller than she did, and had thick muscles that rippled as he moved. As he slowly stalked towards her, the light filtering through the trees made his bald head gleam sinisterly, leaving her heart begin to thump wildly in her chest. Rising to her feet, she mentally reached out, giving a subtle, gentle tug to her single chance of escape.

"Hey pretty lady." The man smirked, his voice deep and guttural.

"Good afternoon, sir." She said politely, making slow evasive steps along the stream.

"I don't recall ever seeing you around." He said.

"I haven't been to Yavin 4 in a long time, thought it nice to return." She replied slowly, beginning to circle away from him.

"Things have changed, why don't I show you around. You look like the type who needs company." He took a step towards her, making her hand flinch towards her thigh as she took a step back.

"Thank you, but I'm not interested." As she took the step back however, she backed into someone warm, someone who put their hands on her waist. Recognizing who it was however, she relaxed; though, still prepared for a fight.

"Hello, Ganactu." Poe greeted the larger man sourly, obviously knowing who this was.

"Dameron." Ganactu greeted him in the same tone. "Who's the pretty lady?"

"A friend." The pilot said as he took a step closer to Nat so that she was pressed against his chest, whose right hand still rested slightly open on the right side of her thigh.

"Just a friend? Then you won't mind me trying to get to know the lady." He replied smugly.

"The lady has a name, and as I said before, I'm not interested." Nat replied coolly.

"And what? You're interested in the kid who will never live up to his parent's weak legacy?"

As Nat took a step forwards, Poe matched her movements however with two steps instead, allowing him to stand behind her and wrap an arm around the back of her waist, taking her left hand in his own as he tried to pull her back. She would not budge however. "The only thing that is weak here, sir, is your attempt to verbally assault two war veterans, and their gifted pilot and soldier of a son." Though he glared at his childhood bully, inside Poe couldn't help the pride that glowed inside him at Nat's level response, her General and political tone lacing her every word. "Good day."

With that she finally let her companion pull her away, the two of them quickly making their way through the treeline an back to the market. "Did he hurt you, touch you at all?" He murmured in concern, pulling her closer as they hurried along.

"I'm a grown woman, Poe, I can handle myself." Nat grumbled, however she let her head fall onto his shoulder slightly as they hurried along, twisting her hand so that she could entwine their fingers.

"I know you can handle yourself." He promised. "I've sparred with you, remember?"

This made her roll her eyes and grinned. "Of course I do." She agreed. "I kicked your ass."

Unable to smile, he glanced back the way they had come to see Ganactu standing at the forest's edge, his eyes fixed hungrily on the red head. Shivering, Poe tightened his hold on his friend. "I think that's enough of the market today." He muttered, hurrying them back towards the speeder.

Sensing his fear and the man's cruel intentions behind them, she shivered and nodded in agreement. "Fair enough."

A/N: I'm back. Miss me? :P

After some consideration and help from one of my best friends (who's work you should check out, theebombdiggity, on archive of our own) I have decided to change the direction of this story. I haven't gone back and changed anything in previous chapters, this story will simply proceed differently from the way I had originally written it, meaning I've been working on rewrites, taking things away, and adding new things. Ultimately it will still end up where I want it to go, I simply changed the pacing (partially because I'm impatient :P)

Hope everyone is well, and I hope to have more posted soon. Thanks for sticking around, and to those who are new, hope you enjoy!

-B