Nicholas turned over just as Rose lie back down. "You okay, sweetie?" he asked.
"I don't know. My neck feels really stiff, and my head hurts so much, I was throwing up," Rose said, then let her head sink into her pillow.
Nicholas tucked the blanket around her, as she shivered, and drew her close to him. "Maybe you just have some kind of bug."
"I hope so. It feels like the flu." Rose started to drift back to sleep.
Nicholas didn't let go of Rose for hours. He held her, as they both slept, until she had to throw up again. He had no idea that he'd look back and wish it had been the flu.
"Dad, I thought you weren't going to do this anymore, " Steve said. He had just come home after being with Evie and had hoped to spend some time with his dad and talk.
"Yeah, well, after this time, I won't," Nicholas said.
"What do you mean 'this time?'"
"I mean it was just different. It didn't work," Nicholas offered, slightly slurring his words.
"Okay. I was with Evie today," Steve decided to say.
"Glad to hear that, Son. She actually called here earlier. Sounded like she missed you."
"I sure missed her," Steve said. "We were talking though, and I had another panic attack."
"Something scare you?" Nicholas asked, remembering what Steve had told him had happened at the Curtis' house.
"No, not like what happened before, at least. But I think I know why it happened," Steve hedged.
Nicholas rubbed his face, trying to sober up a bit more and focus on helping his son. "I'm listening." He leaned forward, his glassy eyes looking at Steve intently.
"I think it's because Evie and I were really close, just sort of cuddling, you know, nothing else..." Steve started, before trailing off.
"Okay, Son, you can tell me," Nicholas assured him.
"I think, with the memories of Clara and everything, when Evie touches me, it's just...it's overwhelming," Steve struggled to explain. "And it's not like I think she's anything like that! Evie would never hurt me or anyone else," he rushed to add.
Nicholas laid a hand on Steve's shoulder. "Of course not, Stevie. I know that's not what you mean."
"I mean, I know I pulled away from her before when she tried to kiss me, but this wasn't even that. We were just lying there by the creek really close to each other, and it was nice except..." Steve rambled, feeling tears of frustration. "And I love her, Dad. I really do."
"It's okay, Son." Nicholas reached out to hold Steve close to him.
"It makes me feel so bad. This isn't Evie's fault." Steve hugged Nicholas back.
"But it's not yours either," Nicholas reminded him.
He still felt nauseous remembering what he'd been thinking about earlier, but Nicholas was grateful that the wanderings of his mind had sobered him up enough to be there for Steve.
Steve stood at the counter at the DX and handed the man in front of him the Snickers bar and root beer he'd just purchased, along with ten cents in change. "Have nice day, sir," he said, as the customer walked away.
The door opened just as he got to it, and Pony stepped inside, holding it for him, as the man nodded his thanks.
"Hey, Steve," Pony greeted. "Is Soda here?"
"He just left, Pony," Steve replied, as Pony pulled a Pepsi from the refrigerator.
"I guess I'll catch him at home then," he said. "Hey, Steve?" Pony asked, noticing Steve looked like he'd gone pale.
He was staring at the cash register keyboard and muttering something.
"Steve?" Pony tried again, stepping closer and leaning across the counter.
Steve suddenly blinked at looked up at Pony.
"Where'd you go, man?" Pony asked.
Steve ran his hands down his face, trying to pull himself back into the present. "Nowhere. Just kind of tired," he mumbled.
Steve knew Soda hadn't told Pony about Clara or anything that was going on with him. He still liked protecting his little brother from certain kinds of evils in the world when he could. Besides, Soda also knew Steve didn't really want anyone else to know, and he wasn't particularly close to Pony anyway. Besides, it wasn't likely Pony would remember anything about Clara.
"Well, you look like you just saw a ghost, and you were talking to yourself," Pony added, as Steve rung up his drink for him.
Steve almost laughed at how close Pony was to the truth.
Nicholas was drifting off the sleep when he felt Clara climb into the bed next to him. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer to her. He slowly opened his eyes and turned over to kiss her on the lips.
"You're so beautiful," Nicholas said, moving himself even closer to Clara.
"I'm so glad I met you," Clara whispered, leaning back in for a long kiss, as she felt Nicholas caress her body under the covers.
Nicholas shivered at the memory, getting nauseous again. He hadn't even had any more to drink since the day before, but the mostly empty bottle of whiskey remained on the kitchen counter.
He'd been sleeping with Clara at the same time she was abusing Steve, and that epiphany made his skin crawl with anger, both at her and at himself. Nicholas had shared a bed with her, and Clara had been like a thief in the night, crawling into Steve's bed and claiming his childhood innocence. His own recollection of how he'd held and touched her made him feel like he'd also committed a hideous betrayal.
Steve was hurting as a result of the pain that still afflicted him, the suffering caused by Clara's careless and cruel actions. She'd obviously been such a selfish, callous person. Nicholas hated that Steve had these horrid memories of abuse echoing in his mind.
He was beginning to understand more fully why he'd tried to shut everything out. Not only had Nicholas honestly believed that would be better for Steve, but he hadn't wanted to face the other aspect off the dark reality. His conscious mind had not been ready to acknowledge it.
Pony sat on the porch swing, lighting a cigarette and taking a puff.
"Hey, Pone. Got one for me?" Soda asked, letting the front door slam.
Pony handed him a cigarette and his lighter, but couldn't help commenting. "You never smoke with me," he said, and Soda grinned.
"Yeah, well, I could use one once in a while." Soda lit the cigarette and took a long drag.
"I went by the DX today, and I think I just missed you. Steve sure acted funny," Pony said, blowing a cloud of smoke.
"Oh, yeah? How so?"
"He was staring off in space and kind of talking to himself. I'm not sure what he was saying," Pony explained what he'd seen.
Soda sighed heavily, bringing his cigarette to his lips once more.
"I called his name a couple of times, and he snapped out of it. It was like he went somewhere else for a minute." Pony ground his cigarette out.
Pony noticed Soda appeared to be deep in thought, and he put a hand on his shoulder. "You're awful quiet tonight."
"Yeah," Soda said simply, putting his own cigarette out.
"Soda? Was this today anything to do with that panic attack Steve had? Cause I know that had nothing to do with TwoBit," Pony shook his head. "Steve has never been that jumpy. Kind of reminded me of Johnny." He gave Soda's shoulder a squeeze.
"Yeah, it was, Pony. At least it sounds like it to me. And you're right. It wasn't about TwoBit." Soda sighed.
"You know what's going on with him, don't you?"
"I do. But I can't tell you." Soda met Pony's gaze.
"I know. I don't want you to either." Pony dismissed the idea. "I just wanted to make sure someone knew, and you're the best person to talk to that I know. It looks like Steve needs that." He grinned at Soda.
Soda slung an arm over Pony's shoulders. "You're a smart kid, Pony." He smiled.
Nicholas came in from outside to see Rose still resting. He'd wanted to check on her since she'd looked so pale and unwell for the past couple of days. Her head constantly hurt, and she'd still complained of being nauseous and achy. It seemed like she had a terrible case of the flu. Nicholas didn't know what else it could be.
He looked at Rose's closed eyes and immediately felt a sense of dread come over him. She looked too pale and too still. Nicholas grabbed her wrist, praying to feel a pulse. Her heart was beating, but just barely. It was slow and sporadic. He leaned closer and saw her chest faintly rising and falling with shallow breaths, as he quickly picked up the phone, dialing 911.
"Hang on, my love," Nicholas pleaded,, tears escaping down his cheeks.
Nicholas was growing more and more frustrated. He didn't want to think about Clara or what she'd done to Steve any longer. He didn't want to ponder over the fact that he'd been physically intimate with a woman, who was sexually abusing his son at the time.
He also didn't want to taste alcohol ever again. Nicholas stared at the bottle that still held a little bit of the whiskey that had both helped numb him years ago and also allowed his mind to wash these startling realizations to the surface. He stood and picked it up, hearing the front door open and close. Before another moment could pass, Nicholas hurled the bottle at the wall.
"Dad, what the hell are you doing?" Steve asked, as the glass shattered and drops of whiskey decorated the wall.
"I just quit drinking," Nicholas declared, as Steve continued to stare at him in stunned silence.