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Alright folks, here is another chapter from EPOV. I think it is important that he see that his mistakes and poor choices have affected everyone around him, not just him and Bella. The next chapter is from BPOV and we are going to find out what she has been up to. I hope you will all be pleasantly surprised to see what she has decided to do.

I wanted to give a shout out to my lovely reviewers: (grabadietcoke, ronami, coloradoperson, romanceisbliss and liveindakota; as well as to my newbie reviewers: boogiejo78 & melee03). Thank you so much for taking the time to leave me some love. Sometimes it is the only thing that keeps me writing this crazy story.

A special shout out to my girl Sarah Jane- thanks for being there the past couple of weeks. You have kept me sane and entertained! XOXO

The chapter song is "Cold Desert" by Kings of Leon. There is a link on my profile of the video with lyrics. Check it out if you want! Thanks!

Also, I am having a hard time coming up with a song for the next chapter. Like I said, it is from BPOV and it is really going to get into how hurt and betrayed she feels. If any of my fabulous readers have a song they think might work, let me know! Thanks!

Okay, as usual- leave me some love at the end and you will get a teaser for the next chapter. Don't forget, it is from BPOV, so we have some good stuff coming our way! Enjoy! xoxo Dana

Chapter 14 ~ Collateral Damage

"Good evening, Chief Swan," I said, as I turned around to face Bella's dad. Also known as my executioner, folks.

"Maybe you didn't hear me. What the fuck are you doing here?" Charlie said slowly and deliberately while taking a few steps closer in my direction.

Instinctively, I took a few steps back. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he knew what had happened between Bella and me. I figured, at this point, complete honesty was probably the best route to go.

"Sir, I wanted to talk to Bella. I have a few things I need to explain to her," I said cautiously. I could only imagine the different ways he wanted to kill me. Probably slowly and painfully. Hell, if it were my daughter I wouldn't have left me alive this long.

"She's not here and you are to stay away from her. Do you hear me you piece of shit?" he said as he stared me down.

I cleared my throat. It suddenly felt dry—like I had been lost in the desert for weeks. I fought to find my voice; to find my courage.

"Char…Chief Swan, I am sure Bella told you what happened and there aren't words to express how deeply sorry I am. There are things in my past that I am not proud of—things that I have kept from Bella, from everyone. I just need the chance to explain, so she can understand that what I did…I didn't...I…"

"Save it, Edward. I know about your past, well…I know enough. And I am not going to pretend that you have had it easy, but that does not excuse you for the hell you have put my daughter through all these years," he said, cutting me off from my rambling explanation.

"I know that, sir. I just need to see Bella so I can—"

"No," he said, cutting me off again.

"No?" I asked, unsure of what unasked question he was answering.

"No, you will not see my daughter again," he said such conviction and assurance that only a fool would dare argue with him.

"Sir, with all due respect, don't you think that is something you should let Bella decide?" I asked, swallowing loudly. I never said I was a smart man, folks.

Anger flashed behind his eyes as I watched him reach for his holster. I panicked as I realized that he was going for his gun. I was frozen in the spot where I stood, unsure of whether to run for my life or take what I deserved.

Slowly, he lifted his hand back up and that's when I saw the cigarettes in his hand. I silently breathed a sigh of relief.

I took notice of his face as he lit a cigarette. He looked pensive, like he was trying to figure out the solution to a difficult problem. Yeah, like where the best place is to bury you so no one will find your body.

He took a long, purposeful drag off his cigarette and then dropped it on the ground.

"I quit smoking years ago, but every once in a while things get a little too tense and they help mellow me out," he said, as he put the cigarette out with the toe of his boot.

I simply nodded my head in understanding. He took a deep breath and slowly let it out.

"I'm going to say the same thing to you that I said to Bella. I don't like you, Edward. I don't like the two of you together and I don't like the person Bella becomes when she is with you. She can do better and she deserves better," he said.

I couldn't even argue with him. You can't argue with the truth.

"But Bella is going to do what Bella wants to do. She is stubborn like that, comes by it naturally I suppose. So, you are right. I can't force Bella to stay away from you. But, you both need to figure your shit out. Until then, stay away from each other," he said, as he looked me in the eyes for any sign that I was going to argue with him again.

"Yes sir," I said. I may not be a smart man, but I didn't have a death wish.

"Chief Swan? I promise I will leave Bella alone for a while. But you could just tell me where she is? I just need to know that she is okay."

"I said she's not here. That's all you need to know for now. The only reason I came by is because a neighbor called the police after seeing a suspicious person peeking in the windows," he said pointedly.

"Good night, Edward," he said, effectively ending our discussion. He turned around and started to head for his car.

"Oh, and Edward," he said as he turned back around to face me, "if you ever lay a hand on Bella again, if she doesn't kill you, I will."

I didn't doubt him for one minute.

"Sir, if I ever lay a hand on Bella again, I'll kill myself," I said sincerely.

He looked at me for a moment, shrugged his shoulders and said, "Suit yourself."

I sat on the curb for a little while staring at Bella's apartment. I knew she wasn't in there, but I still kept waiting for some sign of life. The idea of not knowing where Bella was scared me more than anything. I didn't know what she was thinking or how badly she was hurting. All I wanted in that moment was to hear her voice. I didn't need to hear that she forgave me—I just needed to know she was okay.

I picked up my phone and stared at it for a while. Her dad didn't say anything about calling her. I must have pressed the speed dial for her number and hung up a hundred times. I finally managed to gather my courage and pressed it again. I slowly placed the phone to my ear and waited for it to ring.

"I'm sorry, you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service. If you think you have received this message in error, please —"

I hung up the phone and dialed again, thinking that maybe in my state I had pressed the wrong button.

"I'm sorry, you have reached a number that has been disconnected—"

Suddenly, feeling panicked I hung up the phone and dialed her home number.

"I'm sorry, you have reached a number—"

"Fuuuuuck!" I screamed at nobody and everybody as I threw my phone down on the ground, breaking it into a dozen pieces.

She disconnected her phone. No matter how bad things had ever gotten between us she had never changed her number. She always made sure I knew that if I ever needed her, I could always call her. I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat and stood up.

Suddenly, I felt so utterly and completely alone. The sense of loss knocked the breath out of me. Bella could be anywhere in the world at this moment and I had absolutely no idea how to find her.

I made my way up the steps feeling completely unsure of the welcome I would, or would not, receive. The sense of déjà vu was overwhelming. At least I was sober this time.

I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. I heard the click of the locks as whoever was on the other side proceeded to open the door.

"Hey, man," Jasper said solemnly, as he jerked his chin in my direction, "come on in."

I smiled at my friend and hesitantly walked into the dimly lit house. Alice was sitting on the couch wrapped tightly under a blanket. As she looked up at me, I noticed how red and swollen her eyes were. Clearly mine and Bella's relationship wasn't the only one I had damaged.

"Hey, Alice," I said softly, not really sure what it was I should be saying in this moment.

I had always known if Bella found out that Alice had been keeping my secret from her it would be bad.

3 years earlier

It was a bad night. I had been having a lot of those lately. Ever since Bella left I had been lost. I had fallen into a destructive routine. I'd go out at night, get drunk, and find some random girl to take home in hopes of fucking Bella out of my mind, my heart, my soul. It wasn't working. I'd kick the girl out of bed as soon as I was done with her. No sense in keeping her around for longer than necessary, right?

Once I was alone, I'd toss and turn all night. I couldn't get comfortable because the bed just felt too damn cold and empty without her. Eventually I'd get tired of trying to sleep and get up and drink some more. I thought maybe that would take away the pain. But all it did was remind of the man that got me into this mess anyway.

He thought drinking his problems away was the solution too. But where did that get him? Rotting in an eight by ten cell in the state prison two towns over. Just thinking about him made me throw up. Or maybe that was the fifth of Jack Daniels I'd been drinking all day. What difference did it make, I was sick. Sick in the head and it was his fault. He made me this way.

So that was how I ended up here. Swaying in the place where I stood, trying to focus long enough to find the god damned doorbell. Finally I found the button I was looking for. Ding dong. I pressed it again. Ding dong. I was getting impatient. I knew it had to be late, but isn't this was what friends were for? Mi casa es su casa and all that shit, right?

"Edward? What are you doing here? Do you have any idea how late it is?" Alice asked sleepily as she opened the door to let me in.

"I'm sorry. It's all his fault. He didn't give me a choice. I don't want to be like this, like him, like my father. I don't want to be afraid of myself anymore. I just don't know how to make it stop."

I heard this voice talking, spilling all my innermost secrets and I wondered who it was. Why won't he shut up? Shut up asshole, you are telling her too much.

"Edward, what are you talking about?"

Alice sounded worried but I couldn't see her face. I was already laying face down on the couch. I could only hope whoever it was that kept telling her these things, these horrors, would shut up. I just didn't have it in me to fight him too. I have been fighting my whole life and tonight I was just too damn tired.

"Do you know what he did to her? I do. I saw it. I saw it all. You can't let me do that to her, Alice. Please don't let me hurt Bella."

That stupid fucking voice was still talking as everything went black and I finally succumbed to the sleep that had been evading me for so long.

I woke up the next morning in Alice and Jasper's guest bed. I hated this fucking bed. Why are there fucking babies staring at me?

"Good morning sunshine," I heard Alice's melodic voice coming up the stairs. Why does she always have to be so god damned chipper? I groaned into the pillow and hoped she would go away. Suddenly I felt the blankets being ripped off me. No such fucking luck.

"Go away, Alice," I said, trying to sound as intimidating as possible.

"You are sleeping in my fucking guest bed thanks to my generosity so I would be a little more grateful if I was you."

Alice sat on the edge of the bed and handed me a cup of coffee.

"I'm sorry. You are right. I just feel like shit. And speaking of your guest bed, why in the hell do you have this thing?"

"What? You don't like it?" Alice said with a pout on her face. Anyone meeting Alice for the first time would completely buy the sad, puppy dog eyes that Alice was so good at giving.

"Don't give me that look, Alice. It doesn't work on me anymore. But seriously, this is not exactly your taste."

Alice sighed. "I know. My mother gave it to Jasper and I as a house warming gift. It is an old family heirloom. I don't think it is that bad. Besides, it is huge! You could fit four people in this bed comfortably."

"What the hell is going on around here that you need to fit four people in a bed, Alice" I laughed while trying to avoid a mental picture of what her and my best friend may be doing in the bed I just slept in.

Alice laughed.

"I just mean that it is comfortable. Some beds are too small. It feels like you are sleeping right on top of someone."

I rolled my eyes. It was easy to take for granted having someone sleeping beside you when they are there every night. I'd give everything I have to feel Bella beside me again.

"Where is Jasper anyway? I don't remember seeing him when I came in last night."

"I am surprised you remember anything about last night. Why do you let yourself get like that? I know you miss Bella, but she wouldn't want to see you like that," Alice said, sounding genuinely concerned.

"Yeah, well, Bella doesn't really get a say in that anymore does she? Besides, last time I fucking checked she wasn't anywhere around anyway."

But now that she mentioned it, my memories of last night were scattered at best. I didn't even remember how I got here.

Alice rolled her eyes and ignored my comment about Bella.

"Jasper is out of town on business. He is due back later today. You are welcome to stick around if you want to talk to him. I told him you were here."

"Thanks Alley Cat, but I need to get home."

To what? There is nothing there waiting for you.

I got up slowly trying to keep the headache that I knew was waiting to attack at bay. It didn't work.

"Fuck!" I yelled, as I grabbed my head.

"Here, take two of these."

Alice handed me two white pills. Maybe if I was lucky she was trying to poison me. Put me out of my misery.

"If they don't help soon I've got more aspirin in the medicine cabinet."

There goes that theory.

I noticed Alice staring at me as I took the aspirin. She had a weird look on her face. It kind of reminded me of the look I saw when…

"Why are looking at me like that, Alice?"

"Edward, you said some things last night. I don't really understand them. I was…I was hoping you could explain because to be honest I am more than a little worried about you," Alice said slowly, her face reflecting a mix of fear and sadness.

I hated that look. That look that means people are feeling sorry for you. That look that says people think you are hopeless. Too broken for repair. I have seen that look so many times in my life. Social workers, therapists, teachers, doctors. I hated that fucking look.

"Alice, I don't know what you are talking about," I said, as I made my way up out of the bed. I was scrambling to find my shoes and shirt. I wanted to get out of there as quick as possible because even though I didn't know what I said, I knew Alice wasn't going to let it drop.

But there was a small voice telling me to talk to her. Maybe because it had been so long since I had talked to anyone or maybe because I was as crazy as I thought I was.

"Edward, please. You can trust me."

"Alice, I don't know what I told you, but you can never tell Bella. Please."

I didn't realize I had stopped looking for my clothes and had sat down on the bed. Alice and I sat there staring at each other for what seemed like eternity.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore.

"What did I say last night, Alice?" I knew I didn't want an answer to that question, but at the same time I couldn't walk out of here without knowing what I had said.

Alice had a pained look on her face. She looked like just thinking about my words caused her physical harm.

"You said you didn't want to be like your father. You said he didn't give you a choice."

I tried to keep my face free of any emotion.

"What else did I say, Alice."

I might as well know exactly what kind of damage control I needed at this point.

"You said that you saw what he did to her? Who were you talking about, Edward?"

"What else, Alice? What else did I say to make you look at me the way you are looking at me right now," I said in a controlled calm voice, trying to mask my fear. Because whether I remembered it or not, I knew what I said to her.

"You asked me not to let you hurt Bella like he hurt her."

Alice swallowed hard. I could see the pain and concern in her eyes. She wasn't afraid that I would hurt her, she was afraid for her best friend. There it was. I had said nothing and everything. I had said nothing that made any sense but everything she needed to hear to change the way she would see me forever.

I pinched the bridge of my nose as I let out a long breath.

After I filled her in on the basics of my tortured childhood, Alice stood there with tears streaming down her face.

"But I don't understand. Why don't you want Bella to know what happened?"

"Because she will want to fix me," I said sadly.

"So?" Alice asked knowing I was right.

"So what if this can't be fixed?"

Alice stood there staring at me.

"Promise me, Alice."

"Do you know what this will do to our friendship if she finds out I kept this from her? She will never forgive me."

There was a good possibility she was right. But I never planned on Bella finding any of this out, so it didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was keeping Bella safe.

"She won't find out," I said, sounding more sure of myself than I really was.

"Promise me, Alice," I continued.

She stood there staring at me for a moment, searching my eyes for something. Suddenly, I felt like the devil forcing her to sign over her soul. But my intentions were pure. I only wanted to protect Bella.

"I promise," she squeaked out through her tears.

I turned around and walked out the door. As soon as the door was shut I felt the tears coming down my face. I could only hope Alice would keep her promise.

Present

"Edward," she whispered, without making eye contact with me.

We all sat there in silence for a while. There were a thousand things I wanted to say to both Alice and Jasper, but I couldn't get the words out. Everything I wanted to say was being drowned out by the one question I needed to know the answer to more than anything.

"Have you talked to Bella?" I asked Alice tentatively.

I watched as Alice's jaw tightened at my question. I knew what was coming and I silently braced myself for it.

"Do you mean after she came running here because you attacked her or since she found out that I had been keeping a rather important secret from her for years?" she asked bitterly.

"Alice, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for things to end up like this."

Alice stood up off the couch and started pacing.

"Exactly how did you intend for things to end up, Edward?"

"I…I wanted…"

I didn't know how to answer that question because I never really planned it out that far. My only goal was to make sure that Bella never got hurt. How'd that turn out for you, jackass?

"That's my point, Edward. It was always about what you wanted. Did it matter to you that I didn't want to keep your little secret? No! Did it matter to you that I begged you to tell Bella? No! You never once stopped to think how this would affect the rest of us," she screamed.

I didn't try to argue. I didn't try to convince her that she wrong.

"Alice, you are right. I can't do anything to change the mistakes I have already made, but I can try to make sure I don't make anymore. So please, if you know where I can find Bella, you have to tell me," I begged.

She sat back down and sighed.

"I don't know where she is. Her phones are disconnected and she isn't at home. I have been calling her over and over since she left last night, but she's disappeared. If I had to guess, I'd say she took the job in LA. We didn't give her much of a reason to stick around, did we?"

Los Angeles? I had completely forgotten about that. Would she really run off to LA without as much as a goodbye to her friends?

"Do you really think she'd do that, Alice?" I asked.

"I don't know what she'd do at this point. And since she isn't talking to me, I don't have any way of finding out," Alice responded resentfully.

"Ahem," Jasper cleared his throat from the corner of the room.

"I talked to her last night, she's not going to LA," he continued quietly.

Alice jerked her head in Jasper's direction. Based on the look on her face she was feeling pretty much the same as I was—betrayed, shocked.

"What did you say?" Alice asked Jasper through gritted teeth, as she stood up and slowly walked towards Jasper.

"I said that I talked to her. She's not taking the job," Jasper said calmly and matter-of-factly.

"You've watched me call her over and over, begging her to call me, to let me know that she is okay and you have known since last night?" Alice demanded.

"Alice, slow down. I am sure Jasper can explain."

Alice looked at me like I had two heads. She was pissed. Pissed at me. Pissed at Jasper. Pissed at herself. I could only hope Jasper had a reasonable explanation for his behavior.

"Of course I can explain, Edward. Just like you always explain why you get to make decisions for every one around you without ever asking them their opinion," Jasper answered.

"So that's how it is, Jasper?" I asked in disbelief.

"We've been friends a long time, right Edward?" Jasper asked, as he walked closer to where Alice and I stood.

As I took in the scene before me I couldn't help but be reminded of an old gangster movie. The ones where everyone is standing in a circle and they all suddenly draw a gun on one another. I didn't recognize the faces before me as friends, either one of them could have pulled a gun out on me at any moment and I wouldn't have been the least bit surprised.

I nodded my head in silent agreement to Jasper's question.

"Then explain to me why it is acceptable for you to expect my wife to keep a secret of this magnitude from me all this time," he asked.

"Jasper, I…I was—" I stammered.

"I'm not done," he said, as he held out his hand to silence me.

"Explain to me, Alice, why it is acceptable for you to withhold this information from your supposed best friend?" he continued, as he looked towards Alice.

Alice had silent tears streaming down her face.

"Jasper, it wasn't like that. I didn't—"

Jasper shook his head.

"You two do not get to stand there and judge me and Bella. She needed someone to talk to and you didn't leave her with many options. So, that being said, I will not apologize for keeping this from you. Instead of being so quick to point the blame at everyone else, why don't the two of you look in the mirror and accept responsibility for the choices you made."

The three of us stood there in silence for an immeasurable amount of time. I saw the hurt etched across Jasper's face, no matter how brave and tough he was trying to be. I saw the devastation and fear on Alice's face. Suddenly, I realized just how much damage my poor choices had done. I couldn't help but wonder if things would ever be the same again.

"Jasper, I don't get it. You knew I was keeping this secret. I told you about it even when Edward asked me not to. Why are you so mad now?" Alice pleaded.

"I was never happy with the situation, Alice, you knew that. I made it perfectly clear that I thought you were both fools for keeping this from Bella and yet you still did it. I told you I didn't want to see Bella hurt, and look at where we are now…" Jasper trailed off as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Jasper, listen to me. Please do not blame Alice for this. I didn't give her a choice. I came here one night, drunk and not thinking clearly and I asked her to do something that I had no right to ask of her. She was trying to be my friend, but I wasn't being much of one to her. If you want to hate someone, hate me. I can't be the reason you two are fighting," I begged.

"Christ, Edward, even when you apologize, you find a way to make everything about you. So, you don't really care if we are fighting, you just don't want to be the reason why?" Alice yelled.

"No, that's…no. I am just trying to make things right. I've made a mess of everything and I am trying to fix what I can the best way I know how," I stammered, dragging my fingers through my hair.

Alice sat down on the couch and put her head in her hands. I couldn't hear her crying, but I could tell by the way her body was shaking that she was.

I looked at Jasper as he watched Alice. I knew he wanted to go to her, but instead he stood there, unmoving, unwilling to take the first step.

"Jasper," I whispered.

I saw a tear fall down his cheek as he looked up at me. I jerked my head in Alice's direction expecting him to go to her.

Jasper looked me in the eyes for only a moment before turning around and walking out the door. In that moment, Alice's silent tears became violent sobs. I made my way over to the couch and sat down beside her.

"I'm sorry, Alice. I will fix this, I swear," I whispered as I put my arm around her shoulder.

She shook my arm off and stood up. She wiped her tears with the sleeve of her shirt and looked me in the eyes.

"I don't know who in our little group appointed you God, but you can't fix everything."

She turned around and started to walk upstairs.

"You know your way out," she added, as I watched her walk away.

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