Chapter Thirteen: Confession

Aisha's funeral had been quiet. The rest of the house had been told what happened to her, and there was a gloomy air all around. The afternoon after her funeral found L sitting cross-legged in front of her grave. Near was sitting in his lap, staring at the stone. It had her real name, Arianna Martin, written in arcing script across the top. A capital A was carved under that, along with her alias, Aisha. Beneath that, a small inscription that read simply, "A was for Angel, what she was to us. Much loved, much missed."

It had hit Near, Mello, and Matt harder than it had the other residents of Wammy's House. For them, Aisha was the closest thing they had to a mother. Especially Near, whose mother had died when he was too young to remember her. He sat silently, staring at the gravestone, before L finally stood and held out his hand.

"Come on, Near. Let's go home."

Near reached for his hand, walking with L back to the car that was still waiting for them. Watari sat in the driver's seat, an understanding expression on his face. He started the car, beginning the trip back to the house.

xXx

When they got back, L walked Near to his room, before retreating to his own bedroom. It hadn't changed much since he was a child. No one came in here when he wasn't at the house, so he was assured that everything would remain untouched. Sitting in his usual position on the bed, he sighed, wondering when things had started going so very, very wrong.

He barely noticed when Beyond slipped into the room, sitting on the floor beside the bed in a position that mimicked L's perfectly. He glanced up at him, asking, "Is Near okay?"

L nodded. Beyond stared at him, trying to figure out what had gotten his friend. "Are you okay?"

L frowned. "I should have seen… I should have known…"

Beyond suppressed a slightly hysterical giggle. No, no, L. I should have seen! I'm the one with the eyes! He looked up at the older detective. "L, can I ask you something?"

L blinked, puzzled. "You know you can ask me anything, Beyond."

Beyond took a deep breath, considering the consequences of his question. "What… What's your real name, L?"

L stared at him, his eyes becoming unreadable mirrors as he closed off his thoughts. "I cannot tell you, Beyond. I'm sorry." He looked down at his feet, hiding how difficult it was to speak the words. He knew that telling Beyond wouldn't change anything. It couldn't endanger him any more than he already was. But he wouldn't tell him. He shut his eyes, waiting for the anger and confusion he knew would follow.

As predicted, Beyond was upset. "Why? You know everyone here's real name! How come you can know ours and we can't know yours?" He paused. "I wouldn't betray you! I wouldn't tell anyone!"

"Beyond…" L tried to say, attempting to find the source of his reflection's pain. "Beyond, why do you wish to know so badly?"

Beyond laughed, a harsh, slightly hysterical sound. His fingers dug into the carpet as he balanced on the balls of his feet. His eyes closed, and when they opened they blazed a brilliant ruby. "Do you know what I can do, L?" he asked, still laughing. L stared at him, uncertain what to say. Beyond grinned. "I see names, L. Names and numbers, floating above people's heads. Do you know what the numbers mean? They're how long a person has to live!" In a childish singsong, he began, "Mihael Keehl, Mail Jeevas, Nate River, Quillsh Wammy…"

L was stunned. How could he…? Unless what he was saying was true. L looked into his eyes, glinting bloody crimson like the eyes of the Japanese Death Gods. "Beyond…"

"Arianna Martin!" Beyond chimed. "Did anyone ever call her that, L? She lived here… ten years? Did you ever call her by her real name? Ever?"

L closed his eyes. No. No, he hadn't. Since that fateful day he had stopped them from calling her Alter, he had never called her by her real name. She had always been Aisha.

Beyond watched him. "Do you know how guilty I feel, L? To watch the number decrease over the months… To see her that morning, with the number near zero, and not realize what it meant until it was too late. L, do you know?"

I know what happens when the number hits zero!

"It's not your fault, Beyond. There was nothing you could have done." L said quietly.

Beyond's eyes widened, and then he scowled. "A didn't know your name either, did she? Nobody does, but Mr. Wammy." He stared resentfully at the space above L's head. "I can't see your name. Not like everyone else's."

I don't have to think about what I can't see… You, me, and the world…

"Aisha loved you!" Beyond suddenly cried. He pulled the crumpled note from his pocket, throwing it at L. "She loved you, and you never told her your name! Are you going to wait until we all die before you decide to show who you really are?!"

L unfolded the note, his gaze quickly darting over Aisha's elegant handwriting. His eyes grew wider as he read the whole thing, before looking at Beyond in stunned sadness. "I… didn't know. I didn't know she felt like that."

"You were never here! How could you know?! You're going to go off and play World's Greatest Detective, and what do we get here?" Beyond demanded bitterly. "A was right. You're too good to get killed. I'm the back-up you'll never need. I'll never get to take your place, and you won't give me the simple gift of satisfying my curiosity and telling me your damn name! Yours is the only one I can't see besides my own! It drives me crazy! You don't have the eyes; you wouldn't understand!!"

"Ryuzaki…!" L said sharply, sensing that this was spiraling into dangerous territory.

"No!" Beyond howled. "I hate that name!"

L stared at him, wondering. It was obvious that Beyond blamed him for Aisha's death, and that he was taking out his grief on the only source he could find. The younger boy blinked, his eyes a dark red-onyx once again, and looked up at L. "Please, L…" he pleaded.

L shook his head. "I'm sorry Beyond. I cannot." Beyond's eyes flashed hate, and L stood up. "You need to go to bed, B."

Beyond froze. L didn't use initials. L never, ever shortened the aliases. Beyond usually didn't either. With Aisha it had been an endearment, not an initial to show rank. L was using an initial. The thought was enough to paralyze him, and allow L to steer him out into the hallway. He went back to his room blindly, numbed by the thought.

L didn't understand. L had never understood. L couldn't understand, because he didn't have to live with the eyes. No one did, but him…

He curled up in bed, his stunned brain finally shutting down. But when at last he did sleep, his dreams were haunted with descending numbers and bottomless black eyes.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

So, Beyond starts to become the lovable psycho he is in the book. He totally blames L for everything, at this point. He's kinda like Mello. He lets emotion overrule his logic sometimes.

So next chapter I have to fix a continuity issue between here and Cor, because Beyond knew L's name in Cor. He told Mello, before he left the House. I know how I'm going to do it, so it's all a matter of getting it written.

As always, thank you for the wonderful and thoughtful reviews!
Love and hugs!
Li