a/n: extremely sorry about how long this has taken me to get out, I've been beyond busy. All of you…I am so overwhelmed and thankful for all your reviews and support! I promise to update more regularly, I kind of just viewed that lag as the intermission. Last chapter ended Act 1. And with this chapter… we start Act 2 of Fallen.
And you're my right and wrong
Eternal
"Why is this so right?"
The words tumbled out of his mouth almost without him realizing. It wasn't a question that came out of nowhere; he'd been mulling it about in his head for a little while now.
Why is this so right?
The sun light crept in through the broken blinds of the window, sneaking into the room and threatening to force them out.
With another sunrise came another morning in Mark's embrace and… nothing had ever made so much sense. Not once had he questioned this new level to their relationship that he'd never imagined before.
Why is this so right?
Like a mantra.
The answer didn't really concern him, but he still wondered.
Why is this so right?
He'd been thinking it since he woke up…
So he didn't even realize that he'd said it aloud.
"Why is this so right?"
Mark gave some answer that was muffled by the pillow covering his head, trying to block out that damned sun.
A pillow can't keep the sun out forever.
A heart can't block what it feels forever.
Roger was in a weird mood.
Mark pulled the pillow away, squinted at the rays, "Aren't you going to ask what I said?"
"Huh?" Roger stared at him for a moment, "Oh… well it doesn't really matter."
Mark sat up and looked at him carefully or as carefully as he could look at a blur.
"No, not…" The rocker stood, picked up the glasses from the ground, and placed them on Mark's face. "The answer to the question doesn't really matter."
"Well then why'd you ask it?"
Roger shrugged, climbing back into bed, "Dunno. Just been thinkin it for a while…"
"Yeah…" Mark nodded, pulling his shirt on over his head.
"I mean this whole time, I never questioned it. I was kissing you and that whole time I never thought to wonder why. I never really thought of kissing you before cuz you were Mark, but I mean when I'm with you…" Roger pulled Mark to him, "it's just right."
Mark turned to look at him for a moment; Roger could see those blue eyes thinking. Finally the filmmaker nodded in understanding. Roger could hear it now. 'Oh you're in one of your weird moods.'
Roger grabbed a pillow and hit Mark over the head with it, "Shut up!"
"Hey!" Mark hit him on the arm, "I didn't say anything!"
Roger grinned, throwing his arms around the smaller man, "You didn't need to."
The rocker pulled back so that they were against the headboard. The sun had nearly crept in all the way. Mark smiled and leaned his head back, kissing Roger's neck gently at first… and then harder. The rocker tightened his hold and breathed Mark in, his morning breath, his sweat, his hair, and that scent that was simply him…simply Mark and could be described no other way.
God I don't deserve you.
Mark's hand trailed Roger's arm, up and down. Somehow Mark always knew just what to touch and how…
This is so right.
A knock on the door interrupted whatever moment they'd been having. Roger groaned as Mark pulled away from his arms and off the bed.
"Do we have to face the real world?"
Mark grinned, "We can't hide forever. I'm sure at least Collins is worried about us by now."
"It's only been a couple days since we got back… and who the hell knocks on our door anyway?"
Mark shrugged and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him. There should be a rule that forbids people from facing their life when they're perfectly comfortable in bed. He'd always strongly felt that there should be lot's of rules about staying in bed and generally doing nothing that would qualify as work. And that these particular rules should not be broken, no matter who comes knocking on the damn door.
The rocker grumbled under his breath about all these things as he stood and pulled a t-shirt on over plaid pants.
A short rap against the door and Mark's voice came from the other side, "Rodge…I think… I mean it's for you. The person at the door… was for you."
What?
Roger grabbed the cool handle warily.
Who the hell?
He pulled the door open and standing in the middle of the loft was the most beautiful girl in the world…
"Mi-…Mimi?"
Every time he saw her, she took his breath away.
"Hey Roger." She said, almost smiling as dark brown eyes shifted between the two boys.
Shit Mark…
The filmmaker stood to the side as though afraid to be too close to either of them. Roger swallowed, and Mimi shifted on her feet. Silence ensued and Roger wished morning had never come.
"I… hadn't seen you since you came by looking for Mark." She said, "I thought we could go for a bite to eat…if you want."
Roger took in a deep breath, "Mimi, I…"
She shrugged, "Calm down, Roger, I'm not asking you on a date or anything. Just because we're not together…doesn't mean we can't still be friends, right? I miss you."
The rocker looked over at Mark…not for permission, but to see how the filmmaker felt. As always, Mark was stone; his body entirely still in an effort to mask his own emotions. Those blue eyes held so many emotions, Roger could not get a handle on which was most strong.
He ran a hand through his hair, looking at the ground, and nodding at Mimi, "All right…"
"Okay, great." She smiled, "I'll meet you downstairs in ten minutes?"
"Yeah." Roger nodded, "Yeah fine."
"Uhm…bye Mark." She waved and headed out of the loft, shutting the door behind her.
"Bye…"
He'd said it too late.
"Mark…" Roger moved towards him, "You're okay with this right?"
"I don't own you Roger… you don't have to ask for permission."
The rocker grabbed him by the arm before he could escape to his room, "I'm not asking for your permission. I'm asking you how you feel about it."
"I don't know, Rodge…" Mark sighed and pulled away, "You're going to go eat with Mimi."
"Yeah… so?"
"So you're still in love with her!"
Roger pulled Mark into his arms again, "Mark, please… don't. Just trust me. I don't fuckin deserve it, I know, but trust I won't screw things up this time."
"Okay…okay." Mark leaned into the rocker, stretched his arms across his back and tried to measure his breathing.
Roger kissed Mark, let his hands slip down the filmmaker's sides and to the small of his back. Mark's hands lightly brushed Roger's collarbone and neck, just enough…
just enough
to make him shiver.
The rocker pulled away with annoyed sigh, "Guess I should get going."
"Yeah… you should." Mark smiled, scratching the back of his head shyly.
And I live for smiles like that.
"You wanna come with? I'm sure Mimi won't mind."
Mark shook his head, "You two need some time alone… to settle shit out. I can handle being by myself for a little while…"
But not forever.
Roger nodded, "I'll be back in a little bit."
"Yeah." He turned towards the couch.
"Mark…"
"I know…it's okay."
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Half an hour later, Roger found himself at the Life Café sitting across from Mimi who was shaking from either nerves or withdraw. The red, agitated marks on her arms let him know that she hadn't stopped shooting up, but he tried to avoid looking at them. She curled a strand of her dark brown hair around her long finger, and attempted to smile.
God she's like a fallen angel.
Shining, poised, beautiful, and so…lost.
"So, what's up with Mark?"
"Huh?"
Mimi laughed at his reaction and tightened her hold on her coffee, "He was stand offish earlier. Is he just mad, because I broke up with you? He didn't seem the type."
"Didn't seem the type?" He took a sip of his coffee, and tried to focus on the way it felt in his mouth instead of trying to think of how he'd tell her…
"Well, yeah, I don't know. I guess of everyone, I'd expect him to understand."
Understand?
Mimi set her cup down, "You know, he just sees everything. He knows you best, I thought he'd know our relationship best and understand…" She took a sharp breath in, "understand why it's better this way."
Understand?
He hardly understood, but he wasn't about to let her know that.
Fuck if I'll give into you, baby.
"Yeah…"
"Well?"
Well…
"Roger, what's going on? Is Mark mad?" Mimi scooted her chair closer to Roger's and pleaded to him with those dark brown eyes, "Please, just be real with me, huh?"
"Well…"
"Well?"
"After you broke up with me, Mark and I… well, we… Kind of…" Roger shifted in his seat and stared at his empty mug.
How the hell do you tell of all people your ex-girlfriend?
What was there to say?
"Mark and I, we kissed." …to say the least.
Mimi's mouth fell open and a half gasping noise escaped. Her hands uselessly moved up and down in an effort to express her attempts to comprehend what he'd said.
"Oh. Oh my… shit." She twirled that strand hair faster between her fingers, "I mean… wow. I-I don't know what to say."
"…neither did we."
Well that was only kind of a lie… just chose to kiss a whole fucking lot more instead of bother with words.
"Are you two… together now?"
"Uh…" He didn't even know. "I really… we… I guess we are, but we haven't really talked about it."
"Oh." Mimi swallowed and ran her tongue across the front of her teeth, which she only when she was nervous.
Roger knew.
She'd once told him that he was the only person to ever notice how she ran her tongue across her teeth the rare times that nerves got the best of her. Or at least he was the only person to ask her about it, she didn't know she did it until him.
Just one more thing…
One more thing that makes me think of us.
"Kind of soon after we broke up don't you think?" There was a crack, a strain in her voice from hurt or anger or both.
Roger sighed and leaned back in his seat, "Mimi."
"I mean for our relationship meaning so much to you," Her hand gripped her mug so tightly, the muscles in her arm strained, "You sure as hell moved on fast."
The exasperation he felt pushed him to anger and his fists slammed down on the table before he could think, "God damnit, Mimi, you broke up with me!"
A tense silence filled the Life Café as other patrons looked over at their table. His fists were still clenched and tense against the table top. Mimi sighed, reaching her thin arm over to hold tight to his fist.
"Roger… I'm sorry, okay." Those brown eyes looked into his green, willing him to calm down, "Look it's just hard to take at first y'know? I mean I'm still in love with you… and I just didn't expect…so soon."
"I know…I know." He relaxed a little and folded his arms, "I'm still in love with you too…"
"But?"
But…
But…
"Mimi is it really possible to be so completely in love with two different people? To love them both with all that you are?" Roger sighed, "Look it's like you said we don't work together, we fit half the time and clash the other half. We're too a like. But with Mark… it all just fits y'know… and I don't have time to fuck around, waiting for love and pain to go away or I'll never live. You taught me that."
Mimi smiled sadly, nodded, "Taught you better than I realized… I get it, Roger. I do."
They finished the rest of their time together in drawn out silence. Mimi sipped the rest of her coffee down slowly, and Roger stared at the table, trying to forget how beautiful she was. How the very way she sipped coffee used to send a kind of thrill through his body.
But now there was Mark, who sent more than a thrill through him and did more than set him into a passionate fire. There was Mark who had always been there. There was Mark who fit.
There was Mark.
And Mark was right.
They hugged goodbye and she felt too thin in his arms.
"Mimi…" Roger held her arms, "Mimi… we can still be friends right?"
You know I'd miss you too much…
"Ye-yeah, Roger, sure."
But there was something in her voice as she turned away and left him standing on the street.
And he felt it too.
It was hard enough being friends with your ex when you're both still in love with each other…
But it's even harder to be friends with your ex when they're in love with someone else too.
God…
And even though he could only think of her as he watched her turn away, for once it didn't hurt so much.
Because he had Mark.
Because it was so right.
Because I have you.