Anders was pacing in front of the fireplace in our bedroom when I got home. Upon seeing me he stopped and hurried in my direction.
"You look as if you've been crying. Are you alright? What did he say to you that upset you so?"
"I'm fine. I just got a little emotional. I'm blaming the hormones."
"No, I can tell by that look on your face something happened."
"Well, Fenris wasn't exactly thrilled."
"We don't need him, this child doesn't need him."
"Anders, it seemed to me that he wants to be involved, to some degree."
"Did he say that?"
"Not in those exact words. Can't we just go to bed? I'm exhausted." In all honesty, I didn't want to get into an argument with Anders. By the end of our conversation, Fenris seemed adamant in the desire to care for this child, if it was indeed his. All I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and sleep.
We both got undressed and climbed into bed. Anders leaned over, his breath on my neck. "Are you too exhausted for this?" His arm wrapped around me and he cupped my sex. I felt that familiar ache instantly and turned over to face him. I could use the distraction.
"I guess I can stay awake a bit longer." Anders smiled and climbed on top of me. His lips grazed mine and soon, he was inside of me.
A knock at my bedroom door woke me up. I turned over and Anders was no longer there. Groggily, I got out of bed, and put on a house robe. I opened my door and my mother looked frantic.
"Darling, I think you should get downstairs quickly." I could hear loud voices coming from downstairs.
"To the Void with you, elf. Nobody invited you here!"
"I have every much right to be here as you. I may not be with Hawke anymore, but that child may be mine!"
"Mother, could you please go to the market for awhile? Me and these...boys need to have a word." Mother rushed down the stairs making sure to go around Anders and Fenris, and headed out the front door. She was not one for personal confrontations. I marched down and stood in between them. Anders was still in his night robe, his hair a mess. Fenris' eyes glowered at him.
"Okay guys, no fighting in the house when mother is around. What's going on?"
"He just barged in here demanding to see you, and I turned him away. This isn't his home."
"Fenris?"
"I came here simply to talk. Your mother let me in. He told me I couldn't speak with you."
"Well, I'm here now. What did you wish to talk about?"
"In front of him? Not a word." Fenris scowled.
"I'm not going anywhere. I live here now, remember?"
"Guys, please, you're giving me a headache." I had eight more months of this bickering to go, and I was already about to lose my mind.
"Fine. Hawke, I came here to tell you that...I want to be involved with your...condition."
"You mean her pregnancy." Anders smirked.
"I know what the word is, mage." He turned his attention back to me. "I know you may not want me here, and that you've moved on. But there's a good chance that you are carrying my offspring. I found a book in Hightown this morning. It says that you should be consuming these." He certainly was taking advantage of his recently acquired ability. Fenris reached in his pocket and handed me a package of herbs.
"What is this?" I asked him.
"The herbalist said you need to be taking those everyday. For the health of the child."
"You aren't needed here. I am more than capable of taking care of her."
"That's not the point!" Fenris yelled, inching closer to Anders. At this rate, they were going to kill each other and my baby would be left fatherless. I stepped in between them.
"Okay, time out! You," I directed my attention to Anders. "You need to get over your pride and accept that Fenris is going to be around. And you," I now turned to Fenris. "You can't just demand to see me. You need to respect boundaries. Now I know things are awkward right now, but please, try to be civil, if not for me, then for the baby." Anders breathed out deeply, clearly aggravated.
"As much as I don't like you, Hawke's right. Stress is bad for the baby. So any yelling...let's do it elsewhere." Fenris exasperatedly shook his head.
"I will be home should you need me, Hawke." Fenris slammed the door as he left. I went to go after him but Anders grabbed my arm.
"You don't need to be running after him. I'm here, aren't I?"
"I'm a big girl, Anders, and I can make my own decisions. This is one of them." I yanked free of his grasp and took off after Fenris. He was still in view so I ran to catch up with him.
"Fenris, wait!" I yelled. He quickly turned around and walked over to me.
"Hawke, is it wise of you to be running around?"
"Oh, I'm fine. Look, I'm sorry about Anders. This whole situation isn't easy for him."
"You think I care for it?"
"Of course not. But please, try to understand. I will do anything I can to try and make things easier on everyone."
"You couldn't possibly understand how I feel, Hawke. To know that someone like him might be raising my own. It was his kind that tortured me for years. I do not care a bit for it."
"Anders is nothing like Danarius. I wish you would see that. You gave me a chance, can you not do the same for him? Please Fenris. I...I still need you in my life. But if you keep pushing like this, I don't know how much more of it Anders will take."
He looked down at me and I could see the frustration in his eyes. I had been caught up in my own worries, and had not given much consideration to how it was effecting Fenris. He had lived a horrible life, tormented by the hand of mages. He still viewed Anders as the enemy, and I was sleeping with him. More than that, I would soon be raising a baby with him.
"I cannot promise anything, but I will do what I can, Hawke."
"Thank you, Fenris. I appreciate that."
"Have you spoken with the Viscount yet?"
"That hasn't exactly been on my to do list."
"You should let him know soon. You can't be charging into battle anymore. We will all have to step in for you until this child is born."
He was right. I was going to have to tell the Viscount that I was with child. I already knew it was going to be an uncomfortable meeting. I was a woman in Hightown, considered as a noble now. It would not reflect well on my family that I was pregnant and unwed. I obviously was going to leave Fenris out of the equation for now. It was known that Anders was living with me, so I would just leave it at that to avoid an even uglier reputation for myself. I did not want Fenris to get caught up in this mess either.
"I suppose I should do that today. Let the gossiping of the nobles commence." I said sarcastically.
"Do you wish me to come with you?"
"You would come with me?"
"For moral support. I said I wanted to be there for you, and I will, should you accept my offer."
"Thank you, Fenris. I would like that." We headed off to the Keep to inform the Viscount of my pregnancy. I knew that Anders would not be pleased that I took Fenris with me instead of him, but in that moment, I didn't care. Fenris had a right to be as involved as he wanted, and I was not about to push him away.
A few days passed, and I had not gone out other than to pick up food from the market. Isabela came by to tell me how word had gotten round and every corner of Kirkwall was filled with gossip of the "Tart from Hightown". I tried not to let it get to me, but it was still hurtful. Isabela was the only one who knew of my predicament with Fenris, I had not spoken to my other friends yet. I decided that it was time to have a chat with them. I knew Varric was having another card game in his suite. Anders had been busy the past few days, although I felt he was avoiding me. He was furious with me when I told him I took Fenris with me to my meeting with the Viscount. We hadn't slept together after I told him, or in the days that followed. Since our first night together, we made love every night until now. I felt hurt but I knew he needed his space.
I knocked on Varric's door, and he answered with a smile.
"So you are alive." He joked. Everyone looked at me, and I could see the questions burning in their eyes.
"I'm glad you're all here. I'm sure you must be curious about a few things."
"So is it true? Are you going to have a baby?" Merrill asked gleefully.
"Yes. It's true." Merrill squealed and ran over to me to give me a big hug. She gently patted my stomach.
"Are you excited? I'm excited and it's not even mine!" I smiled at her, she could always bring up my spirits.
"It's just starting to sink in."
"Is Anders happy? Oh, I bet he will be a wonderful father." She exclaimed, a little too shrill. Fenris clenched his fists at the mention of Anders being the father. I could tell he wanted to say something but was holding back, in respect to me. I decided that he had been hurt enough in this process and was getting the short end of the stick in the situation itself, so I would let him have this one.
"Actually, I think there's something you guys need to know. But this needs to stay between us for now." Fenris looked up at me, confusion in his eyes. I nodded towards him in approval.
"Are you sure about this, Hawke?" he asked.
"Sure about what?" Aveline questioned me.
"Oh, spit it out already! I'm tired of having to keep this a secret." Isabela complained.
Looking down at the ground, Fenris spoke in a quiet voice. "It may be mine."
Everyone fell silent. They exchanged glances between myself and Fenris, who couldn't look up. He almost looked ashamed, and I felt badly for putting him in this awkward position. I should have confronted him first about telling the group, but they would find out sooner or later. I preferred it to be sooner.
"Hawke, maybe you should visit the Chantry. I could give you confession there."
"Oh, for pity's sake, Sebastian! She's not going to burn in the Void because she had sex with two different men. Give it a rest, will you?" Isabela jumped to my defense.
"I'm confused. Hawke's baby has two fathers?" Merrill's face was twisted with confusion.
"Oh boy, do you want me to cover this one, Hawke?" I wasn't sure if Varric was teasing or not.
"We won't know who the father is until the baby is born." I placed my hand on her shoulder. She nodded at me, taking in the information I divulged.
"And how are you taking this?" Varric directed at Fenris.
"I am fine."
"Broody, you continue to live up to your name." At that moment, Anders came into the room panting. I turned and he was sweating.
"Oh, thank goodness you're here. I went home and your mother had no idea where you went off to. It's late. I was worried about you."
"I'm fine, Anders. Me being pregnant does not affect my ability to take care of myself."
"Hawke, you have a child growing inside of you. It's not safe for either of you to be roaming these streets at night alone." He came up behind me, and placed his hand across my belly. My heart fluttered as he did this. He had not touched me in days, and I missed him.
"It does not bother you that the child growing within her stomach may be another man's?" Sebastian directed at Anders, and he quickly removed his hand.
"You...you told them?" I faced him, and a look of hurt swept over his face.
"They would find out eventually."
"I see." He cast his glance away from me, and I regretted my actions. I felt so happy to have him come to my side, to finally have him touch me again. The fact that he ran all over town looking for me in a panic spoke to me, and I knew that despite his distance the past few days, he loved me.
"I think we'd better get going. See you guys later." I turned and walked away, Anders following me. He didn't speak a word to me until we were back in Hightown.
"I'm sorry." Looking up at him, seeing his face, I could tell he had something bothering him.
"What for?" I asked. He took my hand in his as we continued to walk back home.
"For not being with you these past few days. Marian, I'm still afraid that you'll leave me."
"Anders, you can't think like that."
"I know, and I'm sorry. I just fear that if this baby...if it's not mine...you'll want to be with that elf, out of convenience for you and the child."
"Will you listen to yourself?" I pulled my hand away from him so he would look at me.
"The convenient thing to do would to not have this baby at all. But I am, and I chose to be with you. Nothing is going to stop me from loving you. So please, for the sake of my sanity, trust me."
He looked down at me, and tenderness shone from his eyes.
"I'm sorry I ever doubted you. I just love you so much and this baby...I already love it too. I'm terrified of losing you both." He leaned down, and in the middle of Hightown, he kissed me softly.
Anders had a bit more work to do, so I left him privacy in our room. I sat downstairs, drinking a cup of tea infused with the herbs Fenris had given to me. It tasted bitter, so I tried to down it as quick as I could. My mother entered the kitchen in her night robe and sat down beside me.
"Trouble sleeping?" I asked her.
"It's just one of those nights." She smiled at me, and swept a loose hair off of my face.
"Marian, I know times are troubling right now. But this baby," she paused, and put a hand to my stomach. "This baby is a blessing in disguise. You may not see that now, but you eventually will." I smiled back at my mother. She had such a prideful look in her eyes, which took me a bit by surprise. I shamed her name, but not for a second did she seem to judge me.
"I know. I just hope I'll be a good influence."
"Dear, you take care of everyone around you. You are going to be a wonderful mother." The hormones took control of my body once more and I began to weep. Her words affected me deeply, and in that moment I was incredibly grateful I had my mother with me. She put her arms around me and held me for the first time since I was a child. I felt comforted and secure.
After my mother went back to bed, I returned to my room to find Anders sitting on the edge of our bed waiting for me. He patted the empty spot beside him and I sat down.
"We haven't had the chance to talk about how you feel in all this." He rubbed my back and I nuzzled into him.
"None of this is easy. Everyone is talking. I am going to be a mother out of wedlock. I feel like I am shaming you and my family both."
"Is that what's upsetting you? Marian, I am a part of your family now. We will be raising this child together, no matter what comes. Did you..." He stopped, and then cupped my face with his hands, staring at me intently. "Did you want to get married?"
"Maker, I hope that's not the beginning of a proposal."
"If you are so concerned about your reputation, we could get married. We'll go down to the Chantry tomorrow, and it will be over with."
"Anders, I love you, but I want to get married when the timing is right. Not because I ended up pregnant unexpectedly."
"But..." I placed a finger to his lips.
"I promise you, when the timing is right, and you have a real proposal waiting for me, my answer will be yes."
"Oh, Hawke." His lips were upon mine once more and I relished the feeling. I just realized how greatly I missed his touch over the past few days, and I did not want our kiss to end. I climbed on top of him to deepen our kiss. His hands caressed my whole body. That night we made love for hours, and I fell asleep in his arms. He was mine and I never wanted to let go.
Authors notes: This chapter was such a pain to write. I had a bad case of writers block, ended up posting a one shot fic about Fenris to get the creative juiced flowing again ;-) I hope you guys stay tuned, in a few chapters from now a serious plot point is coming up!