"It feels like a funeral", Snow murmured.
"It's not a funeral, it's a memorial", Charming answered and put his hand on her knee.
'What's the difference?', she thought but didn't say anything aloud.
Snow stood up from the chair she'd been sitting in for the past 20 minutes and took in the sight around her. They were in the yard in front of Granny's bed and breakfast. It had been hard to come up with a place to have Emma's and Neal's memorial. They'd wanted it to be someplace that symbolized both of them, so obviously the church had not been an option. Their first though was at the place where Neal had been shot, and gone through the portal, but it had been way to small, and Snow didn't feel like it was much for Emma in it. Then they had though about outside either the apartment she shared with her family, or outside the police station, but Gold had rejected with the same argument Snow had about the dock. Finally, it was the B&B both parts had agreed on. Both Emma and Neal had stayed there for some time, so when the proposition came from Red it had just felt right. Archie had offered to lead the memorial and they had gladly accepted.
So there they were. A little stage with a rostrum had been builded in front of the chairs. They had counted on about 30 people showing up to the memorial so no more chairs had been brought. However, they had soon realized that they'd been very wrong. In the past fifteen minutes, it seemed as the whole town had come to remember their savior and her son's father. Most people had brought blankets and had taken a free spot in the grass, while others choose to stand. Between the stage and the first row of chairs they had put pictures of their two loved ones, and in front of them cards and flowers were spread.
"Can you please sit down, it's about to start", Charming muttered and made Snow snap out of her thoughts.
"What about Henry? He is not here yet, and he can't miss this", she answered and looked harder over the crown in search for her grandson's dark mop of hair.
"Snow, Henry is sitting here, right next to me", Charming said and pulled her down on her chair again. She looked over her husband and saw her grandson smile at her. She returned the smile before she turned forward. Archie was now standing on the little stage with a mic in his hand, ready to start the memorial.
"Today we are here to give a thought and remember two people who are not with us anymore. Two people who both died protecting the ones they loved. Today we are here to remember Emma Swan and Neal Cassidy." Snow gasped lightly at the mention of her daughter.
"Neal, who as most of us also went by another name, Baelfire, was a man who many of us didn't get much chance to acquaintance with. But some things about him were very obvious. He was a man who loved the people who loved him back. He cared about right and wrong, and he died doing the right thing.", Archie said and took a step back when Gold stood up from his chair in the front row on the opposite side from Snow and her family. They had agreed that each parent plus Henry would say something, hold a little speech.
Mr. Gold limped up to the stage in silence, everyone in the crowd as quiet as a fly and eyes focused on The Dark One. He cleared his throat before he spoke.
"When my son was born, I was the proudest father you'd find. He was the child I had always wanted. When I looked at him I knew he was more than I'd dreamed of. He was everything I needed, my happily ever after. As you may understand, this was during a time where the only magic I knew of, were in the tales told in my village. When magic however became an everyday thing, something permanent in my life, I lost my happily ever after. I lost the only person who I'd ever been willing to give my life to; my son. But that wasn't the worst thing. No, but that my fourteen year old boy losing his father, and being completely without a family, that was the worst. After the moment I lost my boy I spent the following centuries too search for him. I spent every minute of every day looking for a way to find my boy and give him his father back, to tell him all the things I didn't get the chance to do before. After very many years of looking, rivers of tears and blood shred, I did finally find him. I got my chance to say all the things I never got to say, to fix all the things I had ruined. I had the chance, and still I didn't take it. Once again I screwed my chances with my son, and once again I lost him. The difference here is that this time, this time it is forever."
It felt like time had stopped when Gold's voice died down. He made his way down the stage and when he passed Snow she could see a tear making its way down The Dark One's cheek. Tears were already streaming down her face and blurring her vision, but she did her best to give him a smal smile which she was sure he didn't notice.
After a few awkward seconds of silence Archie took a step forward and everyone seemed to start breathing again. A part of Snow could not believe how personal Gold had been and how much he'd actually shared. Another part knew why he had; not to get compassion, but to make people understand that everything he ever did, forgivable or not, he had a reason for.
"However, we did know Emma a bit better. We knew her as a friend, as our sheriff, but maybe be knew her best as the one who helped us remember who we are. She was a loved mother, daughter, friend and savior.", Archie said and looked at Snow as her que to get up on the stage.
She gave him a little insecure nod before she rose from her seat and made her way up to the stage. She felt everyones eyes on her when she finally got on. She took the mic from Archie, who snuck her a look of sympathy. When Snow turned to the crowd, her cheeks was burning red and she had a mind block. What was she gonna say? Gold had covered about everything she'd planned saying about her daughter when he spoke about his son.
"Umm, well..", Snow started, hearing her voice stream loud a long way, and panicked. She looked down at Charming. He seemed to understand her situation and gave her an understanding yet supportive look. She took a few deep breaths, and just like that, she had the courage to speak and somehow the words came without thought.
"In my head, I have these lists. Lists of the worst moments of my life, lists of my best. I have lists of the best things my mother taught me, and of the biggest mistakes of my life. On most of my lists, there is one person who without trouble seems to be able to take first place; Emma. In the category 'biggest mistake', she makes it to the top, since the decision to send my own daughter away, alone, for twenty-eight years always will hunt me, and forever be my number one there. That same incident is also the one who makes it to the top of my 'best decision' list. Even if I know that Emma was clueless and hurt for twenty-eight years, I know that if I hadn't made the decision to send her away, we would never have been together. We would never have had the time we did, I would never have become a grandmother to my beautiful grandson, and my daughter would not have been the person she is today. Was... I don't feel like she is really gone. Every morning I wake up and expect to see her coming down the stairs, or sitting in the kitchen drinking cocoa. There is this part of me that refuse to accept her passing, that I will never see her beautiful face again. I know that I won't be able to move on until that part of me have accepted it. But the thing is, that I don't know if I want to accept it. I never want to move on from my daughter, I never want to be okay and accept that she is gone. I never will be. I will forever see her face in my dreams. I will always wonder why this happened and what I could have done to prevent it...". Snow stopped and took a deep breath, looking out into the crowd.
Every word she said were true. She was as surprised by her honesty as she'd been with Gold's. Her eyes rested on Charming for a few seconds. He was crying, and she knew it was because he felt the same way. His love for Emma was as big as hers, and he would never accept the fact that she was gone either. Henry was holding onto both Charming's hand and Regina's in his place between them. Tears were streaming down his cheeks while he looked up at her. She continued to gaze the crowd, and discovered that there was not one person with a dry eye. Regina's cheeks was tearstained just like Hook's, Grumpy's eyes were red, and Red was openly crying against Granny's shoulder. Snow's eyes swept over the rear crowd and landed on a blonde head about a hundred metres away. Her heart ached at the similarity to her daughter.
"I will never stop seeing her..", she murmured, without strength to let go of her gaze on the blonde, letting herself believe for just a second that her eyes wasn't betraying her. Her face turned into a frown when the blond head started to move, towards the front, and her. Four other people followed behind her, and Snow didn't know if her brain was fooling her. However, she had a feeling she knew at least four of the five people moving towards her, getting more clear with every step.
She felt her heart skip a couple beats when she finally could distinguish the blondes face, when she saw the face she never thought she'd see again.