Big Doors

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it's not mine. This is an AU story.

Chapter Fourteen: Chosen Family

"You never called me. Oh, I know at first the center wouldn't let you talk to me, but after you got out..."

"Honestly, I thought you'd forgotten about me. The center didn't let us know they were blocking our calls. I just thought no one cared."

"Tasha, you didn't think you meant nothing to us, did you?"

"How was I supposed to know? You were my first experience with people who did things for any reason other than personal gain. I couldn't predict what you were thinking." She smiled. "So, when did you get married?"

"About two years after I met you. I was on a beach, and the sand was burning my feet, so I ran onto the nearest towel, which happened to contain a woman sunbathing in a bikini. Everything just kinda happened from there."

"My God, Ben," she laughed, "you do meet women in interesting ways, don't you?"

"Yep." He grinned broadly, and Tasha caught a glimpse of the young ensign she'd known before he'd been tempered by age and experience. "But I've found that the women I meet in those unusual situations are always the best." He lifted one hand to caress her face.

"Ben, I don't think..." Tasha was beginning to regret having decided they should meet in private. She had thought it might be more comfortable for him not to be around the crowds of people in Ten-Forward celebrating the downfall of the Borg when he was hurting from having lost so much, but now it seemed he was getting the wrong idea.

"You're even more beautiful than I remembered." He slid the hand on her cheek back until he was cupping the back of her head, then pulled her in and kissed her.

His lips explored hers gently, and for a moment she allowed herself to be lost in the sensation. Then, all at once, reality came crashing down and she pulled away.

"Ben, no. We can't."

"Why not?" His face was still inches from hers.

"We can't erase fourteen years of history, Ben. We can't just put things back the way they were." She pulled completely away from him. "I'm sorry."

xxxxxxxxx

"Something's bothering you."

"No offense, Deanna, but it doesn't take an empath to figure that one out."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's Ben."

"Ben?"

"Benjamin Sisko, the Saratoga's first officer."

"You called him by a nickname. That implies some level of familiarity."

"I was rescued from Turkana by the Saratoga, which was involved in a two-ship mission. Ben was an ensign, newly commissioned, on the other ship, the Livingston. The two ships had been sending personnel back and forth, and there was some sort of accident in the Saratoga's engineering section while Ben was working down there. He came into sickbay with an injured arm. At the time, I didn't trust anyone but Kate, so I was in sickbay because she was. She realized he was only five years older than me and introduced us. I was scared of him at first, but he was just the kind of person it's hard to be afraid of for long. We became friends. And then one day, he kissed me, just out of the blue, and told me I was beautiful. I'd never had someone behave that way towards me who wasn't trying to take advantage of me, but somehow, I just knew it was different. Our relationship never went beyond kissing and holding hands, but it was wonderful. At the end of the mission, we separated. Circumstances kept us from getting in contact until by some trick of fate we ended up staring each other in the face in the shuttlebay."

"And now you're not sure how to deal with him."

"I thought we could just be friends. I mean, I'm involved with Data and he went and got married. But then he kissed me just now."

"And how did you respond?"

"I pulled away from him, and I told him we can't go back to the way things were. But I don't know how to face him now. Our friendship still means a lot to me, but I can't give him what he wants. Even if I wasn't with Data, I don't know if I could."

"You said he was married. How does his wife fit into this equation?"

"She was killed at Wolf 359."

Deanna's eyebrows raised slightly. "So he lost her just a few days ago?"

"That's what I said, isn't it?"

"Have you considered the possibility that he's not really after you?"

"I doubt that."

"I don't. Look at it from his perspective. He just lost his wife, who he's been married to for - do you know how long?"

"He said he met her two years after we separated. That means about twelve, thirteen years ago. His son's eleven, so I assume he was married somewhere in between."

"So he just lost a woman he loved for over a decade. And then he runs into a woman he was once in love with. It's very possible he's just trying to fill that void with someone he felt similarly for."

"I just don't know how I'm going to face him again."

"He's your friend, and I can feel how important your friendship is. I know you'll get up the courage to approach him again." After a few seconds, she added, "Can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead."

"You've been unusually open with me tonight. Usually when I try to talk to you about your problems, you get so closed off. I like the change, but it's a big change. Why?"

"We're both off-duty. When we're sitting here, like this, I just feel like I'm talking to a friend. But when we're in your office, I feel like I'm talking to a counselor."

"And that makes you uncomfortable?"

"Frankly, yes."

"Why?"

Before Tasha was really aware of what she was saying, she was telling her friend about the counselors she'd seen at the youth center and the way they'd treated her. And Deanna was listening silently, the expression on her face becoming more and more horrified.

"Please tell me you're planning to do something about this," she said once Tasha had finished talking.

"Kate's looking into it for me. Last time I talked to her, she said she was trying to decide if it would do any good to call in a few favors. And I was planning to do a little work myself as long as we're still in spacedock."

"Do you want me to help you?"

"You?"

"I'm a counselor, Tasha. I'm in a better position to say that the counselors there are incompetent than you or Kate is."

"I think the first step is to go there myself. Now that I don't live there, I want to take a look around from a different perspective. You could - I mean, that is, if you wanted to -"

"Of course I'll come with you."

xxxxxxxxx

"Benjamin, I need to talk to you. Now."

"Of course. Anything for you."

"Ben, you can't keep making passes at me like this."

"Why not?"

"First off, I'm involved with someone else. And secondly, I don't think you really want me."

"What do you mean by that?"

"You want your wife, Ben. You want her more than anything in the world. And because you can't have her, you've decided I'm the next-best thing."

"No, that's not it."

"Isn't it?"

"Do you really think I'd use you like that? I'm not like that, Tasha, and you know that."

"I don't think you'd do anything on purpose. I don't think you really know what you're doing right now. Ben, I know what you're going through, trust me. I know you're not thinking things through completely. I want us to be friends, but it can't go beyond that."

"Tasha, wait!"

"Ben, the last thing you need is to be alone with me right now. If in a couple of days you want to talk to me, I'll still be on the ship."

xxxxxxxxx

"You don't mind if we have a look around, do you? We've heard so much about what you do here."

If the sight of the hellhole she'd lived in for two years hadn't been so sobering, she might have been tempted to laugh. Who would have known Deanna could lie so convincingly? Maybe Lwaxana was right. Tasha was a bad influence.

"Come on, let's go." Deanna stepped through the doors. Tasha paused briefly, drew a deep breath, and followed.

"If I didn't know better, I'd think nothing was wrong," Deanna whispered. "They've gone to such lengths to make everything seem like this is exactly what people expect it to be."

"But?"

"But no amount of disguising can fool an empath. The workers are hiding something, but more than that, I feel pain. Despair. Fear."

"That about sums it up."

"There's no joy here. None at all."

"There never was."

"Let's get out of here."

Tasha had no argument, and within a few minutes they were walking out in the open air.

"So, what do you think?" Tasha asked finally.

"There's definitely a problem. The trouble now is that I have no proof; not everyone will trust an empath's senses, even in correlation with your testimony. We need more. Tasha, this could seriously take time."

"I'm in it for the long haul now. You with me?"

"Absolutely."

xxxxxxxxx

The door chimed. Tasha looked up. "Come in."

Benjamin Sisko stood in the doorway. "Tasha, I -"

"Mrooow!" He was interrupted mid-sentence by an orange furball that leaped over the room's computer console. In seconds, Tasha was out of her chair and had grabbed the creature.

"Sorry about Spot. She's new here and still getting used to starship life."

"Um, Spot?" He glanced briefly at the orange tabby cat.

"Not my idea, I assure you. Please, come in."

"Nice place you've got. I like the artwork."

"I claim no credit. Data's the artist."

"And he goes around giving out his paintings?"

"To some degree. He keeps most of them around our quarters, though."

"You mean you live with him?"

"Yes."

"It's him, isn't it? You said you were seeing someone else."

"Yes."

"Well, that brings me to the reason I'm here. You were right. I was trying to make up for losing Jennifer. I'm just sorry you got caught up in that."

"No harm done. Friends?"

"Definitely." He hugged her tightly, and she returned it.

"So, what happens to you now?"

"I've been offered a position at the Utopia Planitia shipyards, and I've decided to accept. I'll be able to see my father, he still lives on Earth, and I think it'll be good for Jake."

"We ship out in about a week, as soon as they finish repairs. But next time I'm in the system, I'll call."

"By all means." A smile lit up his whole face. "And when you do, I'll take you out for the best meal you'll ever eat. How do you feel about Cajun?"

She smiled back. "It's a plan."

xxxxxxxxx

"Tasha, may I ask you something?"

"You just did." She grinned, and quickly followed up her statement before the android could become confused. "Ask away."

"I am aware of your recent visit to the children's center, and Counselor Troi filled me in on some of the details."

"Yeah, I told her she could."

"There is one thing that puzzles me. You have stated that the center placed upon you several labels, labels that while unjustified would have made it difficult for you to get into Starfleet. How did you manage this?"

"I had - help."

"Help?"

"You know how applicants from non-Federation worlds need a letter of reference from a command-level officer? Well, it can also work for someone with a messed-up record, although that's rare - most times, a command-level officer won't sponsor someone with a record problem."

"But you were able to find an officer to sponsor your application."

"Yes. I slipped away from the center for a few hours when I realized there was a group of Starfleet officers doing drills within walking distance. So as soon as they took a break, I approached all the command-level officers in the group and asked them to sponsor me. They tried to brush me off, but I wouldn't leave. Most of them just got irritated."

"But one did not."

"He was a Vulcan. He deduced that it would not have been logical for me to be so persistent if I wasn't serious about going to the Academy. So he gave me a chance to explain my reasons."

"And what did you tell him?"

"I told him I grew up on a world that had allowed government to fail and chaos to take over, and that Starfleet had saved me from it. I told him how much I respected and admired Starfleet and what it stood for. I told him I wanted to join Starfleet Security so I could enforce the order that my childhood had lacked. And when I'd finished, he stared at me for a long moment, and then told me that I had potential. He put me through a couple of tests to make sure I'd be worthy of his recommendation, and then, when he was satisfied, he gave it to me. As it happened, I'd lucked out big-time. He was an Academy instructor, so when he recommended me for the academy, they took his advice even over my record."

"What was this instructor's name?"

"Tuvok."

"Ah, yes. I recall him."

"Well, he sort of took me under his wing, helped me study for the entrance exams, and then once I was in helped me find my way through the program. And I learned something from him, something besides the things he taught in the classroom."

"What would that be?"

"That being unemotional on the surface hardly equates to not caring. A lesson I'm happy to say has served me well." She leaned over and kissed Data. "You know, they say girls fall in love with men who remind them of their fathers. I always thought that was superstition, and that it didn't apply to me anyway because I barely remembered my father. But maybe - maybe I fell in love with a man who reminded me of my mentor." She kissed him again. "There are worse people that you could remind me of."

It's official. With the addition of this chapter, this story is now longer than any other story on my page.

Please Review.

And this is by no means the end of the NCFS-NOY storyline. I just wanted to touch on it again as well as give a realistic timeline for how long things will take. There is a reason it has to be dragged out, besides the fact that it's likely that getting a place like that closed down would take years.

Also, I've gone back and made a few minor revisions of previous chapters, mostly fixing little errors (I had managed to let a couple of contractions slip into Data's dialogue, and once Tasha referred to Lal as "she" before Lal's gender was chosen). One important note is that I changed Tasha's testimony in chapter seven to reflect that she'd had at least one prior relationship, albeit not a serious one.

And for all you DS9 fans, I'm aware I probably threw a wrench in the canon timeline of Benjamin's life, but I really wanted them to have that first meeting. Call it creative license.