Disclaimer: Do not own Cold Case – why does it hurt a bit every time I write this? ;-)

A/N: ok this is a way overdue update – but work is keeping me too busy. I didn't see much of the daylight… However this chapter is a bit longer than the others. So please hit the review button and let me know what you think.

Chapter 14

Stepping into the office, everything seemed the same as when she left it. Scotty made if before her somehow. He looked up when she entered, pushing a fuming cup of coffee on her desk.

"Though you might need it" he smiled, a smile full of promise she wasn't sure she could leveled up to.

"Thanks" she replied, fighting the urge to look away.

"Hey Taco Bell" Vera said

Scotty rolled his eyes

"What do you want McDonald?"

Lilly and Kat exchanged an amused look

"You guys do know your fast food places. Sometimes I wish my daughter would be here to teach you one or two things about name calling…She's too sweet to be real good at it, but she's better than you…."
She turned to Lilly:"You want to let Siegfried and Roy go back to see Ms Patters…she called and said she wanted to talk "sugar pie" to come. It seems she was talking about this one here" She pointed to Scotty.

"We could go see Davis, Sue's brother. It seems he can receive visits."

Lilly looked gratefully at her colleague: "Sounds perfect". She was relieved to not have to work with Scotty today.

"Did you have breakfast?" Scotty asked, looking at Nock.

"Yeah…so sweet of you to ask" Nick replied

"Just want to make sure you won't use me as a meal"

"You're lame" Nick retorted.

"You're both lame" Jeffries eyes were smiling but his face was serious and it turned even more so when Scotty asked: "No new news from Boss?"

"He won't be back for another week. He has to get operated…" He paused "and before you all start questioning me as if I was a main suspect…I don't know that that…I don't even know in which hospital he will be yet…"

He turned back to the office grumbling about "stupid administrative work…sitting all day…"

Kat nodded towards Lilly "I'll be ready in 5"

Lilly started gathering her things; she didn't see but rather felt somebody behind her. She could recognize the scent even more than before and her skin reacted to the man who gently posed a hand on her waist whispering softly "You ain't off the hook Linda..why don't you come over tonight?" Lilly nodded, not believing the power he was gaining over her…also not knowing if she would really go.

In the car, Kat couldn't help but notice that Lilly seemed a little out of it, not by much but for someone used to working with her, she could sense that her colleague wasn't 100% there. "Something on your mind Lil?'" She asked knowing perfectly well that she probably wouldn't get an answer.

"No" Lilly lied trying to make her voice as innocent as possible. Kat made an understanding face. "well if you wanna talk, I'm here for you. You know that."

Lilly nodded, thinking that she had more support than what she ever realized. She remembered Scotty telling her the same thing after he mom had passed away. She was not ready to open up to Kat but somehow, knowing that her coworkers were extending the hand of friendship to her, she relaxed a bit. She pushed away the dark thought knowing, oh too well, they could show their ugly head soon enough again…

She also realized she never really asked Kat how she was doing. They worked together, they had drinks once in a while, they laughed but they never really talked. She decided it was time to change this.

"How are you doing?' She asked

Kat looked surprised.

Are we trying to have a normal conversation" She replied laughing

Lilly smile: "Well I know we usually like to talk about dead bodies, doers, …. But I think we could show Nick and Scotty who are the bigger persons…"

"Those two are sometimes acting more like turbulent kids than cops and when Jeffries is not all busy doing Stillman's job, it's the three musketeers all over except their goal is definitely not to protect the king but to make as much noise a possible. Talking about Stillman, have you heard anything?" Kat asked, worry in her voice. She knew as everybody else in the office that Lilly and Stillman had developed a bond over the years. Lilly shook her head "nothing" she replied and again, she realized she had been so wrapped up in her own troubles, that she forgot about others. It was strange as she was usually perceptive, very much trying to save people from themselves but this time, it didn't occur to her "Could Scotty be right?" She thought thinking about their conversation, when he had pointed out that she was drowning into a victim syndrome.

Kat noticed Lilly had turned silent again, she didn't' take it personally; she was also more secretive than other. Somehow, however, both women without a word felt closer than before, it had been a simple step to slowly open the door.

"You look tired" Vera pointed out.

"You sound like my mother, and you ain't looking too fresh yourself" Scotty retorted, not wanting to get into long explanation about the dark circles under his eyes.

Another thing Lilly and he didn't discuss was their situation at work,

"You know who else looked tired?"

"No kiddin' Nick, who are you Mama Cold Case? Looking out for the squad?" Scotty joked, his heart racing a bit at the memory of the past night, worried about what was going to happen next.

"Well somebody got to have a female side…I mean come on, Rush and Miller, not the typical womanly kind…except for their PMS…and they seem to be doing that a lot, I'm starting to think it's a natural state for them.."

Scotty couldn't help but laughing.

Nick and he had developed a sort of bond, especially since Elisa had passed away. He was the one he somehow turned out to because he knew Vera wouldn't press him with questions.

He would like to scream to the world that Lilly and he were embarking on an unknown journey and how happy he felt about it. Expressing his feelings that way though was too much for him. He could stay discreet; he would pretend…he just didn't know long he could fool the people he worked with.

"Alright Mama Vera, we're here"

When Ms Patters opened the door, she winked at Scotty.

"Hello there sugar pie. I see you left Blondie behind this time and brought me another sweety with you. Come on in handsomes"

Vera looked at Scotty "She needs to stop calling you sugar pie, I'm getting hungry."

Scotty chuckled.

"Don't you worry I have cookies for the police force." Vera smile grew larger.

They sat down around the table which looked like they were invited for afternoon tea and socialization instead of an investigation.

After a little small talk with the old lady who was receiving them as guests, she finally let them know the reason why she had asked them back,

"I lied"

Scotty and Nick exchanged a surprised look.

"I really was taken with… and I couldn't help but thinking that maybe she had let it happen. I pretended I believed her but I didn't at first."

"What do you mean at first?"

"It happened again and I was there"

"Why would you keep this for yourself?"

She sighted.

"Because I'm a fool, even after seeing it with my own eyes, I still had a soft spot for the monster."

She paused.

You saw the man raping your friend and you still have a soft spot for him? The man forced himself on her, she didn't scream the first time because of the love she had for her daughter. She confided in you. She was pregnant…I don't believe you!" Vera was shaking his head in disbelief, his tone harsh and his eyes without any pity…

She closed her eyes.

"Why do you think I never said anything to anybody? I didn't help her, that's why. Fine I didn't have an ounce of feeling for him anymore but I didn't move. What kind of friend, of woman, of human being do you think that makes me?" Her voice was now young again, with the strong intonations, the passion, the destroyed feelings she had, the eyes which always kept their light were getting full of tears held back throughout the years.

"I saw and heard everything"

She paused, lost in her memories and then with a broken voice, she depicted the scene to the two detectives.

1943

A young woman was sleeping with a little girl when she heard the door opening widely after having being hit several times. She woke up slowly to voices fighting downstairs. She went down the stairs as quietly as possible and froze to the scene unfolding in front of her eyes.

"You thought a simple door would keep me away?"

"Please, go away or I'll scream"

"And wake up that little girl of yours, that would be a good idea, she is growing up oh so nicely…and come on you need a back up plan. Do you think John will want you after he finds out what we did? You're damaged good my beauty and you're all mine"

When she heard him talking about her daughter, she stopped herself from getting the knife that was laying on the counter.

He noticed it and laughed.

"That's my good girl, now go put our song on".

As she turned towards the records, she noticed the woman hiding behind the crooked door, she waited a second but since no movement came, she sighted.

The music started to feel the room.

This can't be love, because I feel so well,
No sobs, no sorrows, no sighs.
This can't be love; I get no dizzy spells,
My head is not in the skies.

He pushed her down, tears were falling down on her cheeks and the music kept on playing.

My heart does not stand still, just hear it beat.
This is too sweet to be love.
This can't be love, because I feel so well,
But still I love to look in your eyes.

When he was finally done, he tried to help her up but she moved away, a new light of hate had entered her eyes, which had lost their innocence and their joy.

"I will kill you" she whispered.

"not if I do I first, and little Julie….let's just say, I could also take good care of her"

Ms Patters looked straight at them: "and he left, I went back upstairs. I think it took me months before I could look at myself again in the mirror, without wanting to scratch away the image I was seeing…a coward, a pitiful woman, an awful human being…"

"When was this?" Nick asked…

"March 1943" She replied and then went on:

"She opened her eyes on the world – and she saw through my imperfections, the kind you can maybe learn to forgive and I wouldn't know how…But at that minute, she became determined of not being a victim, he had talked about harming her girl, he turned her into a lion."

After this surprising visit to the old lady, who did not have enough of a lifetime to forgive herself, Scotty and Vera headed back in silence to the office.

Seeing that Lilly and Kat didn't return from the hospital yet, they went to see Jeffries, explaining to him what Ms…had revealed. They were trying to see what direction to take. At first, they were ready to drive to the retirement home and make Mr. admit his crime.

"Ancient or not the man is a monster. He's been playing us. He's spending his last days lying to his friend, lying to us. He probably came back for Sue, smashed her skull when he realized she was fighting back.

Jeffries seeing the determination and the anger on both Scotty and Nick's face realized that if those two were going, the man would admit to anything. He never met him but could feel the coward's behavior.

"How about we wait to see what Lilly and Kat found out at the hospital?"

The two upset detectives protested but with a calm logic, Jeffries calmed them down enough to at least wait and do some researches on possible doctors from the tim performing illegal abortions.

They were deep in archives when Lilly and Kat came back late afternoon. Their visit also seemed to have taken a toll on them. Jeffries came towards them." Did the visit provide more information?"

"We had to wait a bit, he was highly medicated and we couldn't really understand much of what he was telling s at the beginning…" Kat started to explain.

"Then, we couldn't stop him. The man has a lot in his heart and in his mind. He tried to stop the despair by taking his own life." She paused as if the words were not enough to describe the man's pain.

"He remembers much more than what he led on and he feels very guilty. Apparently Sue had not be been raped once but twice…."

Scotty and Nick exchanged a look, Kat, who had caught it, went on.

"Well I guess you found out that too…"

"Apparently she went back to her mom's house after the second rape. She wanted to get a gun which her dad kept in a safe. She was so calm about it that our mom got scared"

"So far it doesn't seem like suicide material." Vera noticed but stopped when he realized all eyes were now on him, and none of these looks were agreeing with his statement.

"Anyhow" Kat went on.

"Their mom refused to give her the gun. She was desperate repeating you can't kill, you're already going to kill the baby, you can't I can't…there needs to be another way. She was begging her to just go to the police."

Sue looked her mother in the eyes and without hesitating; she reached for the money that was supposed to pay for her abortion.

"Here, I don't need you. She got up and she left their mom. She was crying, repeating "my little girl", she stopped when she realized her son was there then she asked him to go get the gun, the money and to give it all back to his sister. "Tell her I love her" However it seems that his dad who had gotten home early that day caught him with it and he couldn't explain why he was taking it. He got scared and didn't bring it to her. He feels guilty about the fact he couldn't protect her and he said her mother felt the responsibility of her daughter's death for the rest of her life." That's all we could hear from him today. When we were leaving, his niece was entering the room. She'll learn soon enough everything her mother went through to protect her. Lilly finished explaining.

Before leaving, Scotty passed by her desk, reminding her to come over. He leaned towards her, sensing she didn't know and said out loud what he thought so many times: "you've got to meet me halfway linda"

Lilly knocked on the door; she couldn't believe she actually came to his apartment. She felt nervous like on a first date, she felt worried because she knew that this evening would be important. She also felt in a combative mood, she couldn't explain it but all the suffering that had been when she had discovered Scotty had lied to her about Christina were coming back to the surface. All these many mixed feelings could not predict how the evening would go. Everything seemed to be on a thin equilibrium and one word could probably let tilt the balance one way or another.

Scotty opened the door, he was wearing jeans and a red polo shirt, he had a smile on his face and Lilly could not help but notice how good looked. There was an aura about him, a charisma that she found even more pronounced in his environment. He invited her in and before se could take off her coat, he turned to her, she was stuck between him and the door.

He grinned, put his two hands on the door "Hello Linda" and he kissed her with passion. Her knees trembled in weakness and she felt her body respond to his.

When he let her go, she was almost out of breath.

"I have been wanting to do that all day…"

Lilly didn't respond, trying to gather her thoughts, fighting the burning desire she had to see him without his clothes, to run her fingers on his body.

Scotty noticed the inside battle she was going through.

"I know we gotta talk…" he said.

They didn't know where to start. They usually didn't encounter any problems to talk to one another, even if it was for a fight and hurtful words.

Lilly took a deep breath…

"I don't know if it's such a good idea" she started.

Scotty couldn't believe his ears. He had expected hesitation but a full surrender before any discussion came as a surprise.

"Maybe it ain't but then how are we going to do?"

"Just go back to normal"

He had a small disillusioned laugh.

"What's normal? Our flirting? Our closeness? I don't know if I can do "normal"…and if you would think clearly for just one second, you'd probably see you ain't too good at "normal" either"

"It's just too complicated. What are we going to do if it doesn't work? It might not get any better"

And with these little words, he saw himself back with Elisa a few years back

Flashback

Elisa: They came back Scotty, the giants; I know what you're thinking. You're thinking I didn't take my meds, but I did, they still came back.

Scotty: We'll take stronger meds. We'll talk to the doctor, we'll see what he has to say.

Elisa: That's what we did last time, that's what we do all the time but it doesn't get better. Maybe it just doesn't.

He also remembered the few days before her suicide, he had looked for Christina, he had been to the point of thinking the sickness was winning. In his heart, he had already betrayed his one and only. The things he had discovered afterwards made him believe that he was responsible for Elisa's disappearance. The letter she had written had seemed like a promise and the memories of their youth, of the wish for a new beginning…he had convinced himself that he had refused the new beginning. He kept playing over and over in his head the times he thought had betrayed her by not being strong enough to wait by her side. He could repeat words by words the sword that he himself used to rip the love into pieces.

Flashback

Scotty: She's back in the hospital.
Stillman: Oh, I didn't know, Scotty.
Scotty: It's a circle game. She's sick and better, and for a while you're hoping and then it starts again.
Stillman : Yeah.
Scotty : I just can't go round and round with her any more.

However, the strongest betrayal had came when he thought about moving on and he had looked at Lilly's sister in the one that would easily make him forget the past, not to create a future but to just not think about the present. He remembers the silly pickup line she used about his clothes: "You know, you dress way better than the average cop" she had said with a flirty smile and his stomach gringes everytime he remembers what he had told her.

Flashback
Christina :. Your girlfriend pick out your clothes?
Scotty :No, I don't have a girlfriend. I mean, I used to. She's in the hospital right now.
Christina : Sorry.
Scotty :She's okay. She's getting out.
Christina : That's good.
Scotty :Well, even though, we're not really together anymore.

He didn't think that words could have so powerful meaning and it had not been too long ago that he stopped reminiscing about how things could have been different. He still believes that maybe Elisa had found out, that maybe that was why she just took her life. One way or another, he had not been enough…he still probably was not good enough.

"You know what? Maybe it's better that way…"

She stood there, immobile as a statue. She gotten what she thought she wanted and it was going towards the way it always did. She was used of being alone. She was used of being left for one reason or another…

She never really fought for somebody.

The closest she had ever been to feeling fully with her heart, soul and body for somebody was with Ray. They were young, passionate, innocent in their dark world…She didn't want to lose the feeling she knew was growing despite the circumstances, she maybe wanted to be forced towards trying but she realized that she had to show she wanted it.

What had Scotty say to her before "You got to meet me halfway…" and she had thought that going to his apartment was already a big step…Secretly, she had hoped he wouldn't let her go, their outbursts were not supposed to damage the hope…She didn't understand why he was the one backing away. It almost seemed he was trying to protect her.

"You still there?" he asked, his voice full of anger, but somehow she could sense a large part of that anger was directed towards himself.

She made a step towards him.

He didn't move.

She tried to make eye contact with him but he didn't let her. She softly touched his arms, getting even closer.

"I'm not going anywhere" she whispered.

His tension finally released and his own vulnerability could be seen in his dark eyes. He looked at her and could not help a small smile to form when he heard her say
"I'm meeting you halfway."

A/N: Thank you for reading :-) Please, pretty please review :-)