Deviation: Victors
Chapter Fourteen—Tris
I feel my throat clogging and I am almost afraid to move this could be a dream. My eyes rove over the names on the board and I cannot believe what I am seeing; it is the night before our seventh day and we have been called into the pit by Max, Four and Eric. We have one final task that might change our rankings but those of us with our names listed in white above the red line at least have a chance of making it passed the cut tomorrow.
My teammates are cheering. Almost all of Four's team is above the red line. Will is hugging Christina from behind speaking into her ear and she is smiling at whatever praise he is heaping on her. I am pleased to see Edward is still above the red line at twelfth and so is Lynn who is listed in fourteenth place, but it is my ranking that has me astonished.
At first, I can't define the emotion singing through my body but then I look away from the board and see that Four's eyes are shining with a similar light as he offers me a slight but genuine smile. Pride…It is pride in my accomplishments mixed with the knowledge that I am where I should be. I am Dauntless.
"I guess I should say congratulations; eighteenth is really good," Al says beside me and I smile. He is smiling but it seems kind of false. He looks at the ranking board. "I guess all those extra lessons with Four made a difference."
"What," I ask as if I am confused by his words. I can feel my heart begin to pound, my face has become brittle and I feel anger rising up in me as I say, "He was in the training room when I snuck down there after my Sparring match with Lynn. It isn't like he went out of his way to help only me."
"I was awake when he came and got you day before yesterday," Al says but he doesn't look at me as he speaks. His eyes are on the tally board. "I guess whatever he had to show yo—
"If you don't like your rank, Al, maybe you should start making an effort," I snap cutting off the rest of his words. I feel a twinge of guilt for what I just said because Al is right Four and I have something to hide and if it wasn't something that would get us both killed I would probably have reacted differently. "You think that the rest of us don't know you have thrown every fight since the first day Eric's team started sparring with us. Four was helping me that's true, but it isn't anything he wouldn't do for you if you asked. I came from Abnegation, Al, I was the least physically fit and unlike some people I was not given a warrior's stature."
"Tris," Al says his eyes finally on me and he looks conflicted.
"No," I shake my head, "Four has helped more than me and you know that! I earned my rank fair and square." I stand ramrod straight beside 'my friend' and feel my buoyant mood of earlier deflate.
"You're right," he finally concedes. "I just don't like when people do better than me."
"I am one better," I sigh, and uncross my arms as I look up at him, "You could be giving Peter a run for his money if you just made the effort and you know it."
"You're right," he nods looking away. "I don't know what the matter with me is."
I can see the truth to those last words and I sigh heavily and reach out grasping his arm as I say earnestly, "Stop holding back, Al, you can be Dauntless if you try your best."
The crowd around us quiets down a little and then Max is addressing us again, "The Initiate War is a long and hallowed tradition at Dauntless. It is like capture the flag," Max is telling us about the last task that will decide our final rank tomorrow. "There will be two teams; Four and Eric are Captains. As your name is called you come stand beside your team leader."
Eric and Four move to opposite sides of the table and the tension in each of us is ramped up as they study us. I find Eric staring at me considering as I hear Four call out, "You pick first."
For a moment I am afraid that Eric is going to call my name but then his eyes shift beside me and he calls out, "Edward." I turn to see the hate filled sneer on Edward's face. He is tall and I think he is handsome in that sort of way that Caleb is handsome even with the eye patch. I think it is a calculated risk for Eric to choose Edward because even though he has fallen in the ranks since losing the eye he is still Erudite smart. I think Eric believes he will be an asset to his team but I think that Eric underestimates exactly how much his betrayal hurt Edward.
"Good luck, Edward," I say as he crosses in front of me and he gives a slight nod as he goes to stand with Eric.
Four looks over the group and then says nonchalantly, "I'll take the Stiff."
"Make you feel at home does she," Eric asks in low tones that only Four is meant to hear, "Miss those gray robes?"
Four shrugs and looks at Edward, "Just taking a page out of your book, Eric, are you saying you miss the blue?"
Eric sneers and then picks his next team member. The choosing takes another thirty minutes and in the end Eric's team has a majority of above-the-line members whereas Four's team is equally mixed with red and white names. The run for the train was just as exhilarating as my first. There was something dangerous about hopping a train after dark that is missing during the sunlight hours.
While Four and Eric retrieve the special Initiate War Weapons we will use the two teams' huddle on opposite ends of the train excitedly chatting. Uriah is in the center of our group expounding on the fortuitous luck that brought us to Four's team. "He's won every year since he transferred in!"
Eric's team leaps first and then we continue to the next safe jump and then we walk. I am silent as my teammates discuss where we should hide our flag letting them decide. We approach an area that looks as if it was once a very exciting place in the distant past but like everything else outside of the Faction Zones it was left to degrade.
"Lights off and gather around," Four calls as he shakes out our brightly glowing yellow flag. "Who has a plan?"
My eyes have continually been drawn to the large wheel like structure behind us and I almost suggest we use it to try and find Eric's team. However, the bickering that arises from too many points-of-view being voiced stops me. I glance back at the Ferris wheel and then turn back to the group catching Four's eyes on me before they shift behind me. His jaw tightens and I remember what he showed me in his fear landscape. Christina and Uriah are getting louder so I just turn and jog up to the structure. Four follows me and I turn back to him as he steps up to the ladder behind me.
"You don't have to come with me," I say quietly. "I'm just getting a better vantage point."
"I know I don't have to come," he says his deep voice pitched low as he begins climbing and I hear humor in his words, "Just making sure you don't try and jump."
"I'm not going to jump," I say with a smile. Shaking my head I move up the rungs.
We are climbing for about five minutes and the whole time I am hyper aware of Four behind me. Although his breathing is a little faster than normal he is climbing steadily, climbing even though I know this is difficult for him. I am jolted to the side as the rung I am standing on gives way but a strong hand on my side steadies me. The hem of my shirt must have worked its way out of my pants because his callused palm is against my bare skin.
"Are you okay," Four asks and the concern in his voice is tempered by fear.
"I'm fine," I manage as I right myself and slowly take the next step up but I am distracted by the strange swoop in my belly. It intensifies as Four's fingers slip from my skin and I have to lick my lips to reassure him that I really am good. It is strange that nearly falling to my death did not frighten me as much as my reaction to his touch on my skin.
"Why heights," I ask needing to distract myself as I reach an odd junction in the ladder that will require us to climb over it to get to the last section of steps.
"Wha'," he asks breathing heavily and as I turn back to him I see the perspiration that is glistening on his skin. His eyes when they meet mine are troubled but still he is climbing and I am impressed with his ability to work through the panic I know is threatening to blind him.
"Why do you think you are afraid of heights," I clarify and he stops mid-climb to glare at me.
"Didn't we decide that discussing the origin of my fears was not helpful," he asks reminding me of the discussion of his fear of tight spaces. Now he is glancing around nervously saying, "This is high enough."
"No," I deny as I shake my head looking around. I still can't see far enough yet. "We have to go higher." I start climbing again and even though his body is trembling with the effects of fear he follows after me. "As for discussing your fears," I say, "I just want to know what caused it."
"Everyone is afraid of something, Tris." He says breathlessly. "There doesn't have to be a rational reason."
"I know," I agree, "For most people that is true but not for you. You aren't afraid the same way other people are afraid," I say, "All your other fears have a basis in reality."
"As are most people's fears I don't have a corner on that market," Four points out. I have reached the end of the ladder and I am now working my way up the crossbeams. "Are you even human," he asks and there is the thread of amusement in his voice. I reach the highest I can go and he pulls himself up on the same crossbeam. I smile at him and I feel a curl of giddiness in my belly at the sight of his brave face.
"See," I ask smiling up into his agitated eyes, "This isn't so bad."
Four's reply is an inarticulate, "Yeah," and it isn't convincing in the least. I can't help but smile broader as I drink in the experience. Even though Four is terrified of heights he is still up here with me and that isn't a small thing. He is willing to face his fears for me and that makes my heart thump heavily in my chest.
Pulling my eyes away from the way Four is licking his lips and tensing his jaw I see the tell-tale greenish glow of Eric's flag. "Look," I say pointing toward the tower building that the other team is using.
The trip down the Ferris Wheel is not as un eventful as going up it; if Four hadn't been there with me I would be lying in a broken heap at the bottom of this relic of a world long past. There is something about almost dying twice in one night that has my blood pumping through my veins and I feel so alive as we make our way to engage Eric's team. Will, Christina and I follow Four up the side stairs while Uriah and the others engage Eric's team head-on.
"On me," Four commands and we set off across the courtyard. We duck behind a shipping container and Four glances over his shoulder meeting my gaze. "Will and I will flank them while you and Christina go for the flag. It will be guarded but Eric will most like have his weakest members up there."
I nod because I know that Four has watched Eric for years and he understands him. Eric will put the weakest link inside because he thinks the others will be enough to keep us at bay. "Okay," I nod and move to crouch beside him as he looks out toward the fire fight to our left.
"Go," Four whispers, "Good luck." As soon as Christina are on our way he and Will move toward the action and I lose track of them in the mix.
We only encounter minimal resistance in the form of a cocky Peter who I dispatch with much glee. Christina didn't have to shoot him, technically my sim-dart was enough to put him out of the game, but who was I to begrudge her a little satisfaction. We enter the tower and I am surprised that Eric doesn't have anyone guarding the downstairs.
Christina takes a position in the stairs where she has cover and I head up to the bell tower. Things happen quickly from the moment I push the hatch door open. Al and I trade sim-dart fire until we are out of ammo and then I am balanced in the door kicking him back. He falls into the wall giving me time to clear the door and engage the slightly shocked, Al. I learned a thing or two sparring Peter so I use my elbow and the metal barrel of my weapon to put Al out cold. I feel a sense of pride when I am there leaning over the wall with the enemies flag waving from my hand and proclaiming our team's victory.
Christina and I run downstairs to whoop with the rest of our team as we are enveloped in the midst of them. I am smiling so big my cheeks hurt and I can only shake my head disbelievingly when I meet Four's intense gaze. He is removed from our group of cheering Dauntless initiates flush with victory and I wonder if he has always stayed separate from the others. It seems wrong somehow that he does not enjoy our victory.
"Tris," Uriah calls and I look away from Four meeting Uriah's smiling face, "You coming with us?"
"Where," I ask.
"A short cut back to the base," he says, "A little initiation ritual Dauntless-style."
"Sure," I agree, happy to be included. "Give me a minute."
I turn looking for Four and find him walking away from the throng. "Four," I call as I run to catch up with him and grasp his arm stopping him. "Aren't you coming with the rest of us," I ask breathlessly.
"I wasn't invited," he hedges and I think he sounds slightly afraid again, like earlier while we were on the Ferris wheel.
"I'm inviting you then," I tell him firmly.
"Tris," he sighs and looks uncomfortable, "They are taking you zip-lining."
"Zip-lining," I ask and my body lights up with excitement.
"Yeah," he tells me with a quirk to his lips, "Off the top of a one hundred story building."
"Seriously," I gasp and I am unable to keep the excitement from my voice. "Have you ever done it?"
"No," he laughs embarrassed, "Zeke has asked me but I have never gone; I am sure you can figure out why."
I feel disappointed and I think it must show on my face because Four's eyes become troubled and he looks away from me. I didn't mean to make him feel bad so I grasp his hand and squeeze. "Will I see you after," I ask and try not to sound too pathetically hopeful. Ever since he shared his fear landscape with me I have felt pulled toward him even more than that first slight tug of attraction I felt when he helped me out of the net on choosing day.
"Yeah," he agrees, "I'll see you when you get back to Dauntless."
"Good," I murmur and then I immerse myself in the rowdy Dauntless group that are heading toward one of the tallest buildings in the city.
I am sailing through the air and I feel like I am a bird gliding about on the wind. My gaze is caught by the mirrored glass of one high rise's windows and then I am astounded to see the Ferris wheel I climbed with Four earlier looking small in comparison to my height now. I am so exhilarated by the sight that I laugh and I think I might have tears in my eyes, but I blame that on the wind in my face instead of the overwhelming knowledge that I am very small compared to the world around me.
When I get to the end I just barely stop before I smash head first into the wall lit with a large 'X'. I crow with triumph and then I am releasing myself from the harness and dropping into my fellow Dauntless' hands. I accept pats from veteran Dauntless and hugs from my teammates and having my hair ruffled by Zeke and then I make my way back to the compound on my own. The others will wait until the last person has ridden down and then they will return together, but I am in a hurry. I want to see Four and tell him how amazing it is to be Dauntless.
I enter through the building that houses the net I jumped into on Choosing Day and then head down the same metal stairs that Four lead us down that day. It isn't until I reach the first stone corridor that I feel as if something isn't quite right and I stop and listen trying to figure out what it is. It happens quickly. Someone grabs me from behind gripping my arm tight enough to hurt and covering my mouth so I can't scream. Another grabs up my feet and still another helps restrain my other arm. I kick and buck throwing them off balance for a moment but they recover quickly and I am only one slight girl against three larger opponents.
"Come on," I hear the muffled voice but I don't really recognize it.
They are carrying me toward the chasm and I renew my struggles biting down on the fleshy hand over my mouth until I taste blood. Instantly the hand is gone and I scream as loud as I can. "Come on get her over," one says and I recognize the voice as Peter. They have me with my back to the chasm but I am not going to let them kill me without a fight. I wrench one arm free and punch the one in the middle and I am able to claw the mask off of the third and I feel such betrayal for a moment and then I am kicking and scrabbling toward him.
I see a blur to my right and then Al is being torn away from me. I barely register Four bashing him head first into the marble wall and tossing him back toward the main corridor and away from the ledge. He moves very quickly as he pulls me behind him and pushes me toward the main corridor as he engages my other two attackers. He is meting out justice with his fists and I find his fluid movements as beautiful as they are deadly when he flips one attacker and steps between them to engage Peter. He knocks Peter to the stone floor and then turns to strike another blow on the slowly recovering third attacker before smashing his face into the wall and then using the man's momentum to drive his face into Four's knee. He turns just as Peter is gaining his feet and then he aims a kick right at his knee cap sending Peter face first into the ground.
I am staring in shock as Four grasps my shoulders and I feel his callused palm against my throbbing shoulder. "Are you okay," he demands and all I can do is stare up at Four wide-eyed, but I think I might have nodded.
He takes me to his apartment and I don't even protest when he helps me remove my torn jacket. I am in shock. He leads me to his bed and tells me, "You should lie down you're safe here. I need to take the trash to the infirmary." I just nod and sit down on the side of his bed with my back ramrod straight.
I am still sitting there when Four gets back. He takes in my torn tank top and tells me he will be right back. When he comes back he is carrying one of his sweaters, "Here put this on," he says gently and for some reason his gentle treatment just makes me hurt more. I push my arms into the sleeves and pull the black material over my head not bothering to pull my hair free.
Four steps away and then he is setting a metal bowl with water in it beside my feet. He kneels and takes my hand in a firm grip as he begins to clean the blood from my abraded knuckles.
"I can't believe Al," I murmur as he cleans my other hand.
"He's afraid," Four says and his voice sounds odd as if he doesn't want to be the voice of reason but he is trying for my sake. "It makes him hate you. It makes him hate himself."
"Is that an excuse," I ask.
Four sets the cloth aside and he looks up at me with stark eyes as he says, "No, it isn't."
I feel my heart throb painfully and a tear escapes my lashes and traces over my bruised cheek. Four frowns and uses the back of his finger to wipe it away before gently cupping my cheek in his large hand. My breath hitches as his eyes roam my face to focus on my lips and his thumb traces over my cheek to caress my lips making me gasp and breaking Four out of his thoughts.
He pulls his hand away and stands and I am looking up into his expressive features trying to figure out what just happened when he tells me gruffly, "You should lie down."
I nod and swallow as I murmur, "Okay."
"I'll take the floor," he says and turns away.
"Tobias," I say and I can't believe I used his real name but when he turns back there is something in his dark eyes that says he liked hearing his name in my voice. "Thank you."
He simply nods and pulls one of the pillows from the bed tossing it on the floor a few feet away. I stand up and pull the blankets down, peeling one off and offering it to him. His fingers graze mine as he takes it and I flinch, my eyes jumping to his. He pulls the blanket to his chest his fists white knuckled.
"It isn't you," I try to explain.
He nods and takes a step away before stretching the blanket out and lying down on his back and pulling a the blanket over him. I climb into Four—Tobias' bed and pull his blankets up over me and I am surrounded by the smell of him, like Dauntless soap and something spicy that I have not noticed on anyone else. Four reaches up and turns off the paper globe that serves as his bedside lamp. I close my eyes and breathe deeply taking the scent of him in and letting to soothe my frazzled nerves. I hold it in for a long time and I must have huffed loudly because I hear Four shift and then he is saying quietly, "You're safe here, Tris."
"I know," I murmur just as quietly.
I drift off to sleep listening to his breathing and my last thought before sleep pulls me under is that I belong here. I am Dauntless and I think perhaps I was meant for this wounded boy.