CHAPTER 14: Don't deserve you
Bobby woke up in the middle of the night and he turned to his bed side table to see what the time was - 2am. It was still raining. He was glad that he could get some more sleep and he turned to the middle of the bed but he realized that Ann wasn't there. 'Annie?' he called her in the darkness, but no answer came back. The light of the bathroom was off, she wasn't in the bedroom. He decided to get up and see where she was. He wore his nightgown and he started to walk over to the door. He went downstairs, in the living room but all the lights were off. 'Annie, are you here?' he said, turning on the lights. She wasn't there but he noticed that the sliding door was ajar. *She would never leave Southfork* he thought. He saw that her handbag was on the table, he walked over to it and took it. He hoped to find her car keys but they weren't there. *She ran away from home* he thought and he didn't have any idea of where she was. He ran upstairs, into his son's bedroom. 'Christopher?' he woke up his son.
'Dad? What happened?' Christopher responded with a sleepy tone.
'Ann is gone. I can't find her anywhere' he said, worried. Christopher stood up at his words.
'Are you sure?'.
'She's not in the house and her car is no longer outside'. There was fear in his words. He knew that something was wrong with her but he didn't know what. She couldn't think straight after losing the baby. *Where the hell could she have gone?* he thought. All the worst answers came into his mind. Bobby went in his bedroom and changed his clothes then he walked downstairs in the hall. *She may have gone to her old condo* he thought but he noticed that the keys of her old condo were in the drawer of the table at the bottom of the stairs.
'Dad?'. Bobby turned to the stairs and Christopher was coming down. 'Have you tried to call her?' he asked.
'Her cell phone is in her handbag in the kitchen' he responded to him, starting to walk over to his study, followed by his son. He reached his desk and turned to Christopher. 'Call Derrick and tell him what's happened. I will call Sue Ellen. Maybe Ann went to her' Bobby said, lowering his head and taking the phone.
'Sure' Christopher said. Bobby began to dial Sue Ellen's telephone number. 'Dad?'. Bobby rose his head to see his son. 'We'll find her' he said. Bobby didn't say a word, he just nodded his head to his son. Christopher smiled at him and walked out of his office to go and call Derrick as his father had asked.
'Hello?'. Bobby recognized Sue Ellen's sleepy voice. 'Bobby?'.
'Sue Ellen, I'm sorry for calling you in the middle of the night but Ann's gone and we can't find her anywhere' Bobby said without taking a breath. 'Is she there with you? Or have you heard from her?' he asked.
'What?' she said shocked. 'No, she's not here and I haven't heard from her'. Bobby took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. 'Have you tried her old condo?' she asked.
'She can't be there, the keys are here, both copies' Bobby said.
'I'll change my clothes and I'll be there as soon as I can, Bobby'. He kept thinking of where she could be.
'No' he said without think about that twice. 'It's better if you stay there in case she comes to you'.
'You're right. But Bobby, call me when you find her, okay?' she asked. He knew her better than anyone, Sue Ellen had always been a good friend for him, he always could count on her when he needed help and he knew that she was worried for Ann as much as he was.
'Sure I will, Sue Ellen' he said, trying to sound quiet. Bobby closed the conversation and started to walk out of his office. He met his son in the kitchen.
We lost the baby because of me. I am the problem! Ann's words kept running through his mind. *What the hell she was talking about?* he thought, walking into the kitchen.
'Yes, thank you, Derrick' Christopher said into the phone and closed the conversation. He turned back and met Bobby's gaze. 'He said he'll be here in a couple of minutes' he said before Bobby could ask anything. 'Nothing from aunt Sue Ellen?' he asked.
'Thanks son and no, nothing' Bobby said, with a worried tone.
'There's nothing Ann might have said that can help us to find her?' Christopher asked.
'We barely talked at the hospital, then I brought her home and she went upstairs. When I went to bed last night she was already sleeping..' he didn't finished the sentence because he was trying to remember something that might help them.
We lost the baby because of me. I am the problem!
*The baby* he thought. There was only one place where she could be.
'Come with me, Christopher' he said, taking his jacket and the keys to his car. 'I know where Ann is'. Christopher took his jacket and followed him, without asking anything.
Everyone knows that people should not stand next to a tree during a lightning storm but it was the only place that came in her mind after she left Southfork. Everything started in that place. Bobby proposed to her in front of that oak and he carved their names on it soon after she accepted to become his wife and just a couple of months later, they had conceived a little girl. There was something special with that oak. 'The only problem is you, Ann' she kept telling herself. Everything good in her life sooner or later turned bad. She thought she had found happiness with Harris, she loved the way he paid attention to her and how he made her feel like she was worth it. Ann had met Judith, Harris' mother, just a couple of weeks later, she looked like a good and lovely mother-in-law, maybe paranoid sometimes but it was normal, a lot of mothers act like her with their daughters-in-law. Their marriage had been so romantic and passionate until the moment he started to control her and doubt her about her loyalty. She had tried so much to prove to him how much she loved him and her loyalty for him, but he never trusted her. His mother always had a better influence on him than anyone. When she had found out that she was pregnant, for a moment, she thought it was a blessing and maybe it would have changed his behavior, but she was wrong, everything turned worse, especially after the birth of Emma. Judith and Harris had been more cruel day by day with her and everytime, she had lost the count of how many pills she had been forced to take by them. She found the courage to leave that family only after she lost Emma at the state fair. She had spent days and months looking for her little girl but Emma had just disappeared in the crowd that day and she would have never seen her baby again. After she had left the Ryland family behind, she had tried to move on and to have a fresh start. She bought a little condo in Dallas and she had started to work at Sue Ellen Ewing's foundation to help battered and abused women and children, but it'd also been a way to help herself, after everything she had been through with Harris. Then she had met Bobby and her life was worth to be lived again. He made her feel alive since the moment their hands touched. Bobby helped her to face Harris and he gave her the courage to beat him once and for all. With him by her side, she had felt desirable and loved. He always had surprised her, first the proposal and then the Hawaii wedding. She got pregnant and everything looked perfect for them, he had told her what happened to his first wife, Pamela and she had felt blessed to be the one who would have given him another baby but their happiness hadn't lasted long.
She lost the track of time remembering how life had been cruel with her but she wasn't ready to go home. *Maybe I never will* she thought. Her back was leaned against the oak and her tears joined the raindrops while she was looking at the first and only photo of her little Ellie. She was trembling because of the cold weather. Above her the lightning storm was getting worse and the thunder increased more and more. A different light illuminated the place where she was. The car's headlights were pointing in her direction and it stopped just few meters from her. Two doors had opened and immediately closed. Someone was walking over to her. *Bobby* she thought.
'Annie?' he said reaching her. 'Oh Annie, I found you. My God.. you're trembling. Come on, let's go home'. He helped her to stand up, he put a cover on her back and took her in his arms. She didn't say a word but she couldn't help but lay her head on his shoulder and he started to walk with her over to the car. 'Christopher, take her car. We'll meet at Southfork' he said.
Christopher opened the door of the car so Bobby could let her sit inside.
The way home looked shorter to Ann but they didn't say anything. He held her hand and she slowly stopped trembling. When they got home he took her in his arms again and brought her inside. Christopher was behind them. 'Christopher, please call Sue Ellen and Derrick. Tell them that we have found her and she's okay'.
'Sure, dad' he said. Bobby brought her upstairs into their bedroom. He let her stand up but she hadn't the control of her body. Bobby changed her clothes and helped her to lay down in the bed, putting more covers over her. He took just a couple of minutes to change his clothes and reached her. He turned off the lights and got closer to her, he put his arms around her to get her more warmed up. The sweet touch of Bobby made her feel unworthy of his love. The room stayed in silence.
*I don't deserve someone like you, Bobby* she thought but she felt blessed to have him by her side. She was exhausted and she fell asleep.
It was late morning and Bobby was in his study, in silence. He just closed a conversation with Sue Ellen. She called to know how Ann was but he couldn't say too much since he hadn't talked with her yet. Bobby heard some noises from the upper floor so he decided to go to see how Ann was. Walking out of his office and upstairs he thought about what to say to her but nothing sounded good enough. They had a problem and one way or another they had to find a way to fix it and move on, together. He opened the door of the bedroom and he saw Ann walking out of the bathroom. He reached her and gave her hug without saying anything but he felt like she didn't want it. Ann started to walk over to the bed. 'Annie, we need to talk' he said, hoping she would agree with him.
'There's nothing m to talk about' she said, moving the blankets without turning to him.
He started to walk over to her. 'I wanna help you, honey. Please, let me help you' he said.
'You can't do anything, Bobby' she said, without think about that twice.
'Annie, I understand that it's a big loss for you but you shouldn't handle it alone' he said, putting his hand on her shoulder. 'Talk to me, I can help you'.
Ann turned to him. 'It's too late, okay? You can't help me. There's nothing you can do. No one could ever give me back my baby' she said, raising her voice.
'Our baby, Ann'. He took a deep breath, trying to stay calm. 'You need me to get through all of this and I need you too' he continued. 'Don't you think I'm suffering too? It was my baby too but I'm trying to not lose control because I know how much you're suffering for our baby' he said, watching in her eyes and fighting back the tears.
'You can't understand how I feel. You didn't carry our baby for almost four months just to lose her in a blink of an eye. You weren't there during the curettage, you can't understand how much it hurt me, Bobby' she almost screamed with tears in her eyes.
'I wasn't there because YOU didn't let me' he screamed. 'You didn't want me there with you. I hate to see you like this but I don't know what to do if you don't talk to me, Annie'. She lowered her head and a tear dropped out of his eyes. He couldn't handle it anymore, it was too much.
'I.. I can't do this..' she barely said, crying.
Bobby walked over to her and held her hand, with the other one he rose her face so he could see her eyes. 'I'm here for you, always, Annie' he said with tears on his cheeks. 'I just lost a baby, I can't lose you too. We can get through all of this together but please don't push me away' he said still looking straight in her eyes.
'Bobby..' she started but he interrupted her.
'I love you, Annie and nothing will ever change that' he said, caressing her cheek. 'We are meant to be' he whispered. She didn't say a word, she just put her arms him and hugged him, sobbing. He hugged her back. He was glad that he could help her. He really couldn't lose Ann too.
*Oh Annie, you're the best part of me and I don't know what I'd do without you* he thought.