'Tears are words that the heart can't say'
"Clarke!" Lexa called out desperately and tried to run after the blonde but was stopped by Raven's painful grip around her arm. Anya was too baffled about what she had just learned in the last 5 minutes and stayed silent her gaze flickering from Raven to Octavia, who had stepped closer to Lexa.
"Fuck you Lexa! How dare you play with her? After all she's told you? How could you?" Octavia spat out with fire in her fierce eyes before she turned around and followed Clarke. Lexa tried to free herself from the tight hold, but Raven responded by twirling her around, and she nearly lost her balance.
"I trusted you! You lied to me!" Raven growled and stepped closer. "I told you what would happen if you hurt my family." She said intimidatingly. Lexa heard the warning but couldn't prepare quickly enough for the sound impact of the flat hand against her face. She stumbled back, eyes wide, and an angry red imprint of Raven's fingers forming on her cheek. "How could you fucking do that to her?"
"Hey!" Anya finally tuned in, catching her friend as she stumbled into her. She put her body between Raven and Lexa. "Get a grip! You're a fine one to talk, what about your bet?" Holding the brunette back.
"Are you deaf? She told you, she quit the bet a couple of days ago." Raven spat out.
"And that makes it magically ok now?" She growled as Raven's angry expression slipped for a fraction of a second, as she considered Anya's words, but the guilt was almost immediately quenched with the hate towards Lexa's actions.
"It makes it ok, cos she didn't hurt her."
"How do you know?"
"Anya it's ok." Lexa squeezed past her, successfully stopping the quarrel and faced Raven. "I'm sorry. I -" She started, but the anger and fury in the dark haired woman's eyes silenced her immediately.
"You don't get to say sorry. You don't get to do anything. Get out." She unequivocally pointed to the entrance. When Lexa didn't move she pushed hard against her shoulders and the writer was forced to take a step backwards for balance.
"Raven! For fucks sake!" Anya tried to stop the assault once more by wedging her hands between the two women.
"Yeah Ray. Come on." Out of nowhere, Jasper appeared and put an arm around the furious woman.
"GET. OUT!" She yelled, before folding her arms and widening her stance indicating there was no way past her and no chance to talk to Clarke.
"Come on Lex. Let's go." Anya coaxed her, but Lexa stood completely still, eyes focused on the back of the gallery past Raven. "Fucking hell." Anya murmured and looked around for help, when her gaze fell onto Echo and Nia, who grinned widely at the display.
"Are you fucking happy now? What the fuck has she done to deserve your hate? Oh that's right, she is brilliant at her job and has excelled in everything and that bugs you!" Nia's smile froze on her lips and she angrily glanced from Lexa back to Anya. "Yeah, and you want to know what else we know? You're a fucking joke who's unable to do her job."
Nia opened her mouth, but Echo interrupted. "I suggest we take this elsewhere."
"Yeah? You suggest? Well, go to hell! You just destroyed my best friend's life and I'm going to make you pay for that! Both of you fucking bitches!" Anya spat out in disgust not caring for the scene she was making and wheeled around to focus back on the trembling brunette. "Come on Lex. I've got you." She whispered and started walking out of the gallery, one strong arm around Lexa's waist to pull her along, when she looked back over her shoulder and pointed her free hand at Nia. "Enjoy your days. They're numbered!" She yelled and quickly glanced over to Raven who had a puzzled look on her face, but had schooled her features back to angry when she'd met Anya's stare.
When they finally stepped over the threshold into the cold night Lexa faltered and slumped to the ground, letting out a heart-breaking cry, that sounded like 'Clarke', before collapsing completely and succumbing to a crying fit with sobs violently rocking her whole body.
"Damnit." Anya crouched down and tried to talk to her but she didn't react, her eyes were squeezed tightly shut.
"You need help?" A foreign voice offered.
Anya hadn't realised someone had stepped closer to them and looked up in surprise to see one of the guys who had been amongst Clarke's friends leaning over Lexa watching her with concern.
"Yeah, could you help me get her to the car?"
He nodded and put his hands carefully under Lexa's left arm, whilst Anya did the same on the other side. They lifted the broken creature off the asphalt and carried her as quickly as possible to the vehicle. Lexa struggled in their grip. She called out for Clarke and cried 'I'm sorry!' so many times, Anya lost count. When she was finally strapped into the passenger seat, Anya exhaled slowly and closed the door.
"Listen." She turned to the young man who eyed her curiously. "Thanks for your help. If you get to talk to Clarke can you ask her to let Lexa explain what happened, please?"
"I sense there is more to the situation than meets the eye, but she's always been a stubborn woman and if I ask her to do that, she'll never give Lexa a chance." Anya nodded in understanding, before he continued. "I'm not sure I should say this, especially about someone who seems to have cruelly played with my friend's heart." He paused and looked at Lexa, who was still crying with her head hung low and her hair covering her face, hiding it efficiently from prying eyes. "Anyway, I had the feeling Lexa liked Clarke? So I'm hoping this whole disaster will eventually unravel and become clear. Besides, I didn't know anything about the other bet. Seems she has a right to be angry as well." He gestured at the car and then glanced at Anya waiting for a response.
"She loves Clarke. She is in love with her." Anya clarified. "This whole thing is really difficult and can't be simply explained like that, hence me asking for the possibility of Lexa to explain everything, once they're able to meet again. About the other bet, I'm sure she'll deal with it when she can. She's too heartbroken right now to care about it."
"I see." He finally said after a moment. "Well, in that case let's hope time will heal all wounds." He wished her goodbye and walked back to the gallery, where his other friends had watched the scene. He stepped through the door and nodded his head to Raven, who relaxed her dismissive stance. With one last glare the brunette walked off to the back of the premises followed by the group and out of Anya's sight, who, in the meantime, had walked around the front of the vehicle. She sighed again before climbing in to drive them back to their place.
"Clarke? Please talk to me." Octavia approached the woman, who paced the length of the room like a caged animal.
"I can't believe it. I can't fucking believe it. She played me this whole time." Clarke yelled in anger and furiously hit her fist against the wall. "I can't believe I've been so fucking blind, so goddamn idiotic to fall for her game. So stupidly naïve to fall in love with her. To let her touch me so deeply." Clarke started to sob. "Why did she do this to me? To us?" She cried out and let herself fall onto the floor. "Why?" She choked on her tears.
"Shit, I..." Octavia stepped closer and put her arm around the blonde's shoulder. "I don't know."
"She…" Clarke couldn't form a sentence through the violent sobs rocking her body. "She did…" She tried to take in some air, but her throat felt restricted and her lean body was tense with distress. Despair was etched all over her face. She was panting heavily now and Octavia could see the rapid throbbing of her jugular vein under her pale skin. Without thinking twice she ran back into the gallery and bumped into Raven who had come looking for them.
"Rae, get a plastic bag or something. She's hyperventilating." She nearly screamed.
"Damn!" Raven turned on her heel and ran back inside, whilst Octavia rushed back over towards the blonde, who had started to panic, trying desperately to get air into her lungs.
"Clarke! Calm down. Sssh, come one. Try. For me." Octavia sat herself right in front of Clarke, locking eyes with her friend, who coughed and frantically tried to suck in air to no avail. "Clarke, please!" Octavia was starting to panic when Raven came back and pushed a bag into Clarke's hands. The blonde crumpled the plastic sack against her chest unable to do anything with it, whilst wheezing and gasping in need for oxygen. Octavia snatched it out of her clutch, stood up quickly and moved around the blonde to sit behind Clarke, as Raven took over her previous position in front of the blonde and forced her to look at her by fixing her chin in her hand before helping Octavia to pull the bag over Clarke's nose and mouth. They stayed like that for some long minutes. Clarke slowly but surely breathed in deeper with each intake of air, whilst Raven whispered soothing words and Octavia drew calming circles on her back. Octavia fixed her gaze on Raven and shook her head in disbelief at the evening's events. After a while the blonde pushed the bag off her face and let her body collapse into Raven's lap, crawling further into her friend, her erratic breathing steadying slowly with each intake. They let her calm for some time, before she stirred and struggled to get out of Raven's embrace. Clarke pushed up and started walking aimlessly again. Hands locked in her hair; she walked up and down the room, agitated and restless. Up and down. Down and up. Gaze fixed on the wooden planks covering the ground, jaw clenched closed. Her two friends sat in silence and watched her carefully. They knew her well enough to let her walk it off. She'd be in her own little world for a while, so they turned to each other.
"Fuck O! That was the worst attack she's ever had!" Raven whispered.
"I know. Fucking Lexa and her disgusting bet." Octavia quietly replied, anger evident in her words.
"How could she do that?" Raven's eyes still followed the blonde's movements, repeating her friend's question from earlier. "I don't understand."
"I don't know and I don't care. Look at her Raven?" She pointed to Clarke still restlessly walking. "She's back in this loop."
"I know. I wish I could have done more than slapped the bitch."
"You hit her?"
Raven eyed her angrily. "If Anya hadn't interfered I'd have killed her. I swear!"
Octavia ignored Raven's comment knowing it was an empty threat.
"What are we doing with Clarke?" Raven asked after a moment of silence between them.
"What we've always done. Take her to yours."
Raven nodded and got up, when Monty walked over to her. He had waited for Clarke to calm down again.
"How is she?"
"Just got through her worst panic attack ever. And by that I mean her first for the night. I'm sure there'll be more to come."
"You need help?" Jasper walked up to his friends.
"Can you get the car?" She fumbled with the keys and handed them over. "We're taking her to mine. O and I can handle the rest." He agreed, and walked through the gallery to get the car set up front.
"Someone should talk to Kane and explain the situation." Monty said evenly.
"I'll go, you guys watch her." Raven walked back into the gallery in search of Clarke's boss.
"Clarke?" Octavia walked over to the blonde who had stopped walking and started to pant again. "Please calm down."
"W -" She gasped. "Why?" She finally pressed through her clenched jaw.
"Sssh. Don't speak just try to focus on your breathing."
Clarke turned away from her, before she bent down and let out a heart-breaking scream before her crying took control over her body and she collapsed onto the ground again.
"She's fucked." Octavia raked her hands through her hair and let out a frustrating sigh.
"Both of them are." Monty added calmly, bravely facing Octavia's death glare.
"Don't be fucking Switzerland Green!" She warned and walked over to Clarke.
The whole ride home Lexa stared apathetically out of the window, whilst chewing on her nails making her fingers bleed. She welcomed the physical pain to drown out her emotional agony. Never would she have expected to see so much anger in Clarke's eyes, so much wrath and fury. Especially not, mere seconds after admitting she was in love with her. Lexa found it hard to process the emotional force of Clarke's words, although she should have seen it coming. She should have prepared herself for words as sharp as metal cutting into her flesh and inflicting pain just like a knife plunged forcefully and repeatedly into her heart. Alas, she hadn't been ready. The hope had been too strong to let any doubt of a future with the artist besmirching the happy picture Lexa had drawn in her head. The reality came crashing down once Anya had managed to get her out of the car and up into their apartment.
"She hates me now." Lexa whispered hollow into the void of the living room. Anya had been busy making tea, when she heard Lexa speaking. She returned slowly and sat down next to her on the couch.
"I don't think that's true." She answered carefully. "She's hurt. So are you."
"I did this. I've hurt her." Lexa let the pain consume her, tears flowing freely over her face falling into her lap, desperate gulps of air disturbing the otherwise silent room.
"Nia did it." Anya said after a while, but Lexa shook her head unwilling to accept another's involvement in it.
"I could have walked away." She managed between wavering breaths. "I should have walked away." She repeated more convincingly.
"I'm just as guilty." Anya admitted pushing a cup of tea into Lexa's cold hands. "Besides, what about Clarke? She had a bet as well? You heard that right?"
Lexa clenched her jaw and looked away, biting down hard. She remained silent, but Anya waited patiently. After some minutes Lexa focused her gaze back on her friend and shrugged helplessly. "I don't know how to feel about it."
"Well, are you angry?"
"No. Disappointed I guess." Lexa sipped her tea, trying to dissect her feelings. "The whole time I thought she'd fought so hard for us because she was convinced I was worth it, but it seemed like she was only trying to win her bet." Her voice broke at the end and she inhaled deeply to not fall apart further.
"Why aren't you angry? She made you fall in love with her. She was all you wanted her to be. Super sweet, super interested and extra super forgiving. How do you even know you've fallen for the real her?"
"I know the real Clarke cos we talked about our lives. She told me about her past, about her feelings. Besides, if I hadn't believed her, I knew she'd told me the truth latest when I had the talk with Raven."
"Yeah, and she did give up to be with you." Anya interrupted.
"I know. That's why I can't be angry with her." Lexa answered, tears rolling down her cheeks. "If I got it right, she fell in love with me and couldn't play any more games. I wish I could have been in the same boat. God, I -" Lexa interrupted her rant and raked one hand through her long, unplaited strands. "I really wish this bet would be the only thing between us right now, because she didn't do anything wrong. She'd tried to keep me, despite all the things I did; even if in the beginning she'd done it because of the bet, in the end she wanted me. She said she loved me." Lexa shook her head, wiping away the tears.
"So everything is good because she fell in love with you? Why isn't it the same for you? Why didn't you just call out to her, that you love her too?" Anya said playing the devil's advocate.
"I can't think of that right now." Lexa set down the cup and stood up. "I'm in the wrong. I did wrong by agreeing to write the article." She couldn't sit anymore. "I…" She moved towards her bedroom and turned back to face her friend. "I need to walk away now."
"You could try to talk to her."
"She hates me." Lexa repeated her earlier words whilst entering her room.
"She loves you, how can she hate you?" The blonde called out from the couch.
"Please Anya." She begged. "I can't do this. I can't stay here. I'd suffocate if I stayed."
Lexa started randomly throwing clothes into a bag, when Anya appeared in the doorway, leaning against the frame, watching her. She knew when to stop pushing and accepted her friend's need for leaving. "Will you come back?" She asked after a moment of silence only disturbed by Lexa's sobs.
They looked at each other, both knowing the validity of the question. It wasn't the first time Lexa had used the excuse of taking a walk to run away and disappear.
"Probably." Lexa reluctantly replied.
"Please come back home." Anya knew there was no chance to make Lexa stay, but she wanted to make her promise to come back. "You'll always have me." She stressed out, wanting Lexa to understand her sincerity.
"Ok." Lexa nodded. "I'll be in touch." She said and passed Anya, who silently watched her leave. "Message me if you need anything." She called after the girl, who lifted her thumb in understanding and closed the door behind her.
Raven and Octavia had had to stop twice on their way to Raven's house to accommodate Clarke's panic attacks. They were less severe than the one at the gallery, but needed attention nevertheless. Clarke felt exhausted, but couldn't stop her body to falling from one attack to another. It was on autopilot and did what it wanted. She watched helplessly as panic took over once more upon realising Lexa had played her. Had used her and betrayed everything the blonde had thought was sacred to her. She felt the hot pain deep inside her body spreading through her and leaving her breathless. She panted and feared her heart would explode anytime soon. She felt hands on her back and shoulder but couldn't hear anything past the rush of her blood in her ears. She felt the damn bag around her mouth again and rolled her eyes back. She was so tired of this, but it helped and she knew it. Her breathing eventually slowed down, and so did her heartrate. She was able to hear her friends talking slowly to her. She picked up single words such as 'good' and 'breathe' and 'calm'. She pushed the plastic off her mouth once more and looked at Octavia, who smiled hesitantly at her. "Hi." The brunette tried, fixing some loose strands of blonde hair behind her ear. Clarke just kept looking, eyes unfocused flickering between Octavia's. "Stay with me, Clarke." Octavia uttered and caressed Clarke's cheek. "Stay with me." She nodded and focused on her breathing, when Raven parked up in front of her home. They helped Clarke out of the car and into the house. Whilst Raven busied herself with preparing tea, Octavia helped Clarke into the guestroom and onto the bed. She crawled up next to her friend and took her into her arms, Clarke's face came to rest against her neck and the brunette felt hot tears running down her skin. She didn't mind. She knew Clarke's coping mechanism had always been crying. She needed to cry to avoid her anxiety taking her hostage. Ever since her dad had died, she'd suffered from panic attacks. She'd never learned how to deal with the loss of loved ones. Not with her dad and not with her mom, when she'd kicked her out. It was either crying with occasional screaming or suffocating. Literally.
This time it wasn't any different. Clarke wouldn't talk. She never did. She just cried, and Octavia or Raven would hold her and let her be.
Lexa left Arkadia without looking back. She contemplated driving her car over a cliff into the ocean a few hours away, but couldn't bring herself to do that to Anya. She stuck to her decision to go to her hideout place. She owned a tiny cabin close to a forest 2 hours away from Arkadia and headed towards it. She'd bought it years ago as a place to retire to when she would be a self-employed author. She drove in silence and welcomed the numbness taking over her body. She felt cold and almost dislodged from herself.
When she arrived, she walked through her backyard to where she had built an outdoor gym with a hanging stack of tires to hit and kick, and went straight for the first punch. Her bare hand flew purposefully against the rubber and upon contact she felt the force against her fist reverberating into her arm and shoulder. She bit down onto her lower lip to prevent herself from crying out in pain. She deserved this. She needed this. Lexa kept going. Another hit with her other hand and she hissed at the breaking of her skin over her knuckles but didn't stop. She alternated between her two hands until they were bloody and stiff. Lexa still couldn't stop and started kicking the tire stack forcefully with her left leg, making the tires rattle against the chains. She kicked and screamed and yelled and pushed with all her might until exhaustion finally let her collapse onto the ground, breathing heavily and feeling physically as bruised and battered as she was emotionally.
Day 1 after the exhibition
Clarke woke up to a dark room. She had lost all sense of time and it took her a few seconds until she recognised her whereabouts. She turned and felt the presence of another body next to her and for a split second, she thought it was Lexa and a smile spread over her face, which fell just as quickly when she realised it wasn't her. Lexa had betrayed her, had used her to get a story. Clarke quickly sat up and scrambled out of the bed towards the bathroom before she sank onto her knees and heaved up. Her sudden movement had woken both Octavia, who had slept next to the blonde, and Raven who had rested in an armchair. Both made their way over to the bathroom and settled next to her.
"Clarke. Please relax." Octavia tried, feeling like a broken record. She knew it wasn't what Clarke needed to hear but she couldn't bring herself to lie and tell her all would be good, if in reality it wouldn't be. After a while of dry gagging she let herself fall onto the cold tiles and whimpered. Her friends exchanged a look and stepped up to each side of her and lifted the fragile form off the floor and back to the bed. They brought her tea and some biscuits and let her drift off, or cry or scream, whatever she needed to do, as they simply didn't know what else was there to help. They knew the next couple of days would be the same. Raven had called in sick and Octavia had managed to rearrange the rota at the gym. She had enough students working for her to take off a day or two. Their combined focus laid on Clarke and her well-being.
By the end of the first day, Clarke had managed to keep some food down but her brain couldn't switch off from the same question circling through her mind back and forth.
"Why did she do that to me?" She voiced the thought. Octavia sighed helplessly. She couldn't answer the question the first ten times Clarke had asked.
"I don't know sweetheart."
"'Cos she's an asshole." Raven blundered out exhaustedly. "A fucking asshole." Octavia nodded along. Clarke scoffed but kept quiet for a long time after the short exchange, again submerged in her own world of confusion and bitterness. Her friends turned back to the TV to give her time. It usually worked well for the three of them. They were simply there for each other. Around but not crowding each other. Close by but not in each other's faces.
'Why did she do it? Why? Why? Why?' Clarke felt frustrated for the lack of an answer. She couldn't understand what had happened. One moment she had been happily in love and about to proclaim said feeling and the next second the rug under her feet had been pulled by a stranger and the world she thought she'd known had vanished to a cold, unwavering hell. Clarke felt her brain ache. Had she really been so blind to not see what was happening? Had Lexa really been so cold to be able to use her like that?
The anxiety episode came suddenly and forcefully. Octavia was out of her seat and quick to adjust the bag over Clarke's mouth and nose. It lasted longer than the others though. She fought against it, and it looked like she wanted to give up. Clarke had had enough of it all. She just wanted to stop hurting so badly.
"Clarke, stop pushing me away. You know you won't succeed." Octavia grew angry at the blonde's antics. "Raven, get her some sleeping pills." She huffed out frustratingly. She hated drugging her, but at the moment they needed to do it in order to keep her out of harm's reach. Expectantly, the process of convincing Clarke to take the tablets was even more difficult. She hated medication per se and she didn't understand why Octavia was trying to force her. A few minutes past with them struggling with each other, before they manged to trap the blonde's flailing arms and secured them against her body.
"Listen Clarke. I know you don't like it but this is for your own good. You'll be able to rest and switch off. Aren't you tired of the same thoughts in your head again and again?" Clarke stopped struggling.
"Ok. At last." Raven said, exchanging a meaningful look with Octavia. Both brunettes' faces turned quickly back to Clarke, when cold fingers picked up the pills out of Octavia's hand and the water out of Raven's, and watched her gulped them down. Clarke then stood up, expressionless, and climbed the stairs to the bedroom.
"You think she'll be ok?" Raven whispered with her gaze still on the stairwell.
"I hope so." Octavia replied quietly.
They switched off the TV and followed their friend back upstairs.
Lexa groaned loudly and turned from her hurting side onto her back, but the pain didn't subside. She bit down hard on her lower lip and felt the skin breaking before tasting the well-known iron flavour of her blood. She licked over the flesh and rolled her lips into her mouth whilst starring up into the dark sky, a tiny hint of dawn visible at the horizon. She must have passed out after her intense fight with the tire stack. She couldn't feel her body, too cold and numb from lying on the wooden ground for way too long. Lexa turned with great effort onto her stomach and pushed herself up into a seating position on her knees, before running her hands over her face and through her hair. She sat for a long time, rocking back and forth not bothering her legs tingled and ached due to the blockage of the blood supply. She welcomed this pain. She was used to this pain. It made her feel alive as her heart felt frozen and dead. The memory of last night flooded her consciousness and she bent over in pain and screamed agonizingly into the forsaken dawn. She wished she had taken some alcohol with her to numb her head and kill the cruel thoughts and bitter emotions, but she didn't think straight before she arrived here. She wasn't even sure she had any food in the cabin. Lexa shrugged at the realisation and mumbled to herself, "Fucking serves me right if I die here alone."
The sun was well up and shone warmly down on the small figure still on the ground, curled up in a foetal position. She couldn't care to move, she couldn't find the motivation to get up. Giving up was always easier than fighting. She found it easier to believe she wasn't worth anything and didn't deserve much, than anticipating the fact that people cared about her. Her parents left her when she was little and her first love turned her back on her as soon as she wasn't needed anymore. She should have never let Clarke be able to get so close to her. She should have never let her in. She fucked up the moment she fell in love.
If she had been honest about her work and explained everything, she might have been able to avoid all the pain she had caused, Lexa thought, but Anya would have lost her job if she had opened up. Whatever the outcome of the story one of the people she loved would have gotten hurt. Either way, she could only lose. Lexa huffed out angrily and rolled over to kick at the lowest tire.
"Fucking Nia!" She yelled with a powerful kick rattling the chains holding up the construction.
"Fuck you bitch!" She screamed. Another kick.
"I fucking hate you!" She shouted at the top of her lungs before letting a burst of kicks raining down the stack. She was so angry and furious. She felt so broken and helpless, and nothing she did could change the vast emptiness holding her body in a tight claw. Lexa stopped kicking and got up to serve one final blow against the rubber before turning back to her car to retrieve her duffel bag. She looked around, still breathing heavily, still feeling the cold and numbness after her night out, still feeling the pain – physically in her sore body, emotionally in her destroyed heart. She sighed, locked the door and walked over to enter her cabin. It was dark because she'd left the curtains shut the last time she'd visited. She liked it dark. The place was completely built out of wood, which was on display inside and out. It made it almost look like a cavern or a cave. Dark and forgotten and that was all Lexa wanted to do – forget. She undressed and walked into her shower, intending to never emerge from it again. After a long time, with many wasted gallons of hot water and an unhealthy red colour to her pale skin she decided to turn off the stream and finally step out into the cold of her shack. She dried herself off, put on some sweatpants and a shirt and crawled into her bed, not caring about anything but the emotions boiling under her skin threatening to burst her open and bleed her out. Lexa clenched her jaw forcefully, desperately trying to keep it together, unwilling to let go, as she was afraid she wouldn't be able to ever stop, if she did. She lost the fight and sobs bubbled up her throat and forced themselves out of her mouth in a guttural cry. She turned her face into her pillow and cried until exhaustion took over and granted her rest for a little while.
Week 1 after the exhibition
The first three days after Clarke had learned of Lexa's assignment went by like the first. She would wake and throw up almost immediately upon realising it wasn't a nightmare but her life. Either Octavia or Raven would then find her on the cold floor crying or eerily staring at the ceiling. At times of her crying she missed Lexa so much that it physically hurt and the times she stared she tried to understand the betrayal.
The fitness coach had returned home after the second night to give the blonde some space, but took alternating shifts to look after Clarke with Raven during the day, who had to go back to work as well. The blonde talked very little, a shadow of the bubbly personality she had once been. They had given up trying to help her dissect her emotions, as she was unwilling to talk about her feelings. Clarke felt she could only talk to them about how hurtful the assignment felt to her but not how much she missed the woman. The hurt from being played and used was as strong as the pain from being alone without Lexa. She didn't know what to do with herself and so she kept quiet and suffered in silence.
It was the fifth day after everything had happened when Raven came home excitedly.
"O, Clarke I've got awesome news." She called out as soon as she had slipped out of her jacket and boots. Octavia walked into the hall from the living room, a sour expression on her face. "She hasn't been downstairs all day. I don't know what to do." She surrendered and let her friend run her hands up and down her arms in a soothing manner.
"Ok, I'll go and get her. Maybe the news will help to get her out of her funk." Raven jumped up the stairs as quickly as she could and hobbled down the hall to Clarke's temporary abode. She knocked at the door and when she heard a small 'yeah', she opened the room and pushed her head through the gap.
"How about you, O and I are having a friend's night? I've been to the gallery to ask Kane for more time off as you've asked me to and got some great news for you." Blue eyes widened in surprise but she looked down almost immediately, and Raven picked up on the hesitation and added. "Sitting on the bed and staring into nothing is not helping you, but letting your friends take care of you might." She looked up again, a sombre expression on her face considering Raven's words.
"I'll be down in a bit." She finally answered in a small voice.
"Awesome. I'll order pizza. Your favourite." Clarke smiled shyly and nodded, before Raven left, keeping the door open. 25 minutes later the doorbell announced the delivery of their food and Clarke sighed but stood up. Pizza did sound nice. She just hoped her friends wouldn't try to make her talk again. They were there, when her heart was broken. What else was she supposed to say? She shuffled downstairs and joined the two women in the kitchen. They set down at the table without talking, all three unsure of what to say to each other, when Raven broke the awkward silence.
"So, Clarke." The blonde looked up from her plate and eyed her carefully. "Kane sends 'get well wishes'." Clarke nodded and Raven continued after receiving the blonde's attention. "Furthermore, he told me to tell you, that all your paintings from the exhibition have been sold." Raven grinned now, but Clarke furrowed her brows in disbelief.
"What?" The blonde finally managed.
"Cool!" Octavia piped up and squeezed her hand affectionately.
"Well, as you can imagine the 'thing that happened we're not allowed to talk about' had stirred quite some interest in you and people wanted to support you." Raven explained.
"Wow, that's so cool, Clarke!" The fitness trainer offered again, but added at witnessing the scowl on the artist's face, "Or not?"
"People are interested in my work because I publicly got my heart broken?"
Raven exchanged a silence plea with Octavia to help her out.
"Sweetie, I'm sure it's not cos of that, but rather cos you're an amazingly talented artist. If the publicity has helped to push you into the spotlight, at least one good thing has stemmed from it all. Don't you think?"
"Your cheque is waiting for you at the gallery and Kane also told me that a few people wanted to commission you for various paintings." Raven added and finally wiped off the frown of the blonde's features.
"Really?" She asked incredulously.
"Really. Kane wants you to take the rest of the week off but would like you to come back after the weekend. He said it wasn't urgent but you should contact the people to get the jobs."
"Ok." Clarke breathed out and smiled sincerely for the first time since everything had crashed down on her. They spent the rest of the evening in a less grave mood.
By Friday, Clarke had managed to convince both her friends that she was capable of taking care of herself. After the good news two days prior she had started drawing again. At first she'd doodled broken or shattered hearts, later she'd focused on eyes and tears but stopped immediately when she realised, she had drawn Lexa's tear filled eye. She'd hesitated to pick up her sketchbook after that, but eventually she'd convinced herself to let her mind tell her body what to draw. Maybe it would help her healing.
When she'd moved back into her own flat on Sunday morning, she was eager to use her paint. Clarke dropped her bags and put away the groceries Octavia had made her take along before she quickly walked down her hall into her studio. She blocked out the memory of Lexa and her as best she could and started working. She was soon in her own world, using her art to bandage her wounds and ease the pain.
Four days. It had been 96 hours since Anya had heard anything from Lexa. She understood, she had needed to be alone, but enough was enough. Even the strongest soul shouldn't face heartbreak in solitary. She knew where she was going to stay, when she had left with her bag. There was only one place on Lexa's mind, when she was in such emotional distress.
Anya arrived on Tuesday morning to find the front porch of the hut filled with empty bottles, a mix of hard alcohol and soft drinks and she sighed. She quickly glanced over the rest of the outdoor area and her heart quickened when she saw dried blood all over the stack of tiles.
"Shit." She cursed under her breath and made her way into the cabin. She was met with the strong smell of stale air. It was too dark for her to see any further so she stumbled through the room towards the window and opened the curtains. Turning around and her eyes widened in horror upon the chaos she saw. Lexa had left a wake of chaos through the cabin. All the books were spilt over the floor and the bookshelf had been pushed off the wall hooks. The lamp hung low on one thin connection cable and the table as well as the refrigerator were toppled over. Anya couldn't believe her eyes, shaking her head along with stepping over the trash towards the bedroom. She pushed the door open and saw Lexa sprawled out on top of the mattress, which had been removed from the bed and pushed to the furthest corner away from the entrance. The bed was in pieces as well as the bedside table and an axe was stuck deeply in one of the former bedposts.
"Fuck!" She exhaled and crawled over the wooden explosion to get to Lexa. She watched her intently and was relieved to see her breathing. If she had known Lexa was capable of destroying her cabin she would have come there earlier. She crouched down and softly touched the bare shoulder closest to her. Lexa growled but didn't move. After a few more soft attempts to wake up the other woman, she resigned to hard-core matters and returned with a glass of cold water.
"Either you get up or you get wet. Up to you!" She informed the reluctant form, who didn't respond at all. "Ok, you've been warned." Anya shrugged her shoulders and emptied the cold liquid over Lexa's head, who came up sputtering and gasping for air.
"Fuck you!" She yelled after regaining control over her heartbeat. "Shit!" Lexa fell back onto the wet mattress, closed her eyes and shielded them with her arm from the harsh daylight. "You could have left me alone for once." She spat out. "Oh and you're welcome to leave."
"Yeah, I know. But I won't. I've let you sulk long enough. Get your shit together."
"Anya, leave me alone."
"Nope. Not happening. I'm going to get us some breakfast and when I'm back I expect you showered and cleaning up the mess you've created!" Anya pushed back through the remnants of Lexa's fury and left the brunette without another word.
"Fuck off!" She growled and slid further down the mattress to rest on a dry spot. She couldn't care less about Anya or the status of the cabin. Needless to say, when Anya returned she found the drunken brunette in the same place she had left her.
"Ok, that's enough!" She exclaimed loudly and pulled her up. Lexa was too surprised to fight her until she found herself stood upright and her body revolted against the rough treatment. She bent over and vomited all over herself. "Oooh fuck!" Anya pushed her through the room over the broken bed and into the bathroom. She didn't bother to take of the clothes as they were ruined anyway and transferred her directly into the shower and turned on the water. Lexa screamed when the cold hit her battered body.
"Fucking hell. You're trying to kill me?" She yelled angrily, bloodshot eyes trying to focus on the blonde.
"Doesn't look like you'd need help with that." Anya countered and pushed the lever towards the warm water. Once the temperature was rising Lexa stopped complaining and started to strip off her disgusting clothes. Anya gave her some privacy and left to return with a basket to collect the pants and shirt. She picked up other clothes and started on the laundry while Lexa showered. Upon hearing the water stop, Anya dropped a new set of clothes onto the closed toilet seat and waited outside with her arms folded over her chest. Lexa stepped out and glanced guiltily at her friend before scanning the living room. "Guess I did a thorough job." She joked sarcastically.
"Yeah, no shit." Anya pushed herself off the wall and walked towards the door, lifting a brown bag and two takeaway mugs of the floor next to the entrance. "Come on. You look like you haven't eaten in days."
Lexa looked ashamedly to the floor but nodded. She hadn't, and the pants she wore made it blatantly obvious as they threatened to slide off her thin frame. They sat on the porch in silence, nursing their coffees and nibbling at the bagels. After a while Anya turned in her lounge chair and faced her friend.
"So, did it help?" She gestured to her own hands to indicate she meant the injuries.
"Yeah."
"Why did you destroy the cabin?"
"Cos I could?" Lexa smirked.
"You look awful."
"You can leave anytime."
"I won't leave you alone. You can try to kick me out or yell at me or hell, even try to beat the shit out of me, but I won't leave!"
"What do you want from me?"
"Remember after Costia left you, you were in a similar state? Devastated, broken and a shadow of the woman I knew, but you lacked the anger and the fury and the fucking blazing infuriation you clearly displayed out there." She pointed over her shoulder to the house. "You should use this more productively. Channel your rage towards the one who did this to you."
"You want me to go and kill Nia?"
"I need you to see something." Anya ignored her comment and went on. "It hasn't been published yet, but will be a week on Tuesday as you know." Anya pulled her bag over and took out a printout.
"She'll publish it?" Lexa asked calmly.
"Yes, and to make things worse, she's added her own bits and pieces. It's a co-authorship now." Anya replied annoyed.
"I don't want to read it."
"I'm not asking you to, but prepare yourself for the backlash."
"I don't really care. In fact, can you do me a favour?" Anya nodded hesitantly but didn't interrupt to specify the kind of favour. She'd do anything for Lexa if it helped. "Can I borrow your laptop for an hour?"
"Sure, what for?" She finally asked.
"To send my letter of resignation."
"You'd let her win?"
"I've lost everything. It's not about her winning."
"You could write a counter article?"
"That'd be too late anyway. If Clarke or her friends read the magazine they won't be able to read whatever I have to say. It's too late." Lexa let her head fall back in surrender. "There's nothing I can do except wait for my time here in this hell to end."
"Fucking hell Lex, seriously?"
The brunette shrugged the comment off and angled for a half empty bottle of whiskey a few feet away from her.
"I know you're in pain and you feel empty and cold inside but life is so much more than this."
Lexa scoffed at the words and tilted her head back to let the liquid pour down her throat, burning the sensitive flesh on its way to her stomach.
Anya stood up and snatched the bottle out of her hands. "I think you've enough of this crap. If you don't want to help yourself, I'm forcing you to." She pulled her up and onto her feet and pushed her back through the door. "Clean this shithole!" She stated with finality.
Lexa swayed from side to side and eyed her curiously to gauge the seriousness of the situation but didn't move.
"Now!" Anya yelled.
"Relax." Lexa slurred slightly, the newly added alcohol hitting her system forcefully, but she succumbed and started to pick up the books. It took them both nearly 3 hours, in which Lexa sobered up completely, to clean up the cabin. After having some barbequed meat she excused herself and went back to the bedroom. She let herself crash onto the mattress on the floor and closed her eyes. She had been able to not think about Clarke and the hurt in the bluest of eyes and the pain on the most beautiful face she'd ever seen in her life for a little, and considered it a success only to be reminded of the emotions and the betrayal. She pressed her face deeply into her pillow and screamed out her pain before letting her body release the tears she had been holding in for the past hours.
Anya looked at the closed door from her spot on the couch and sighed. She'd heard the wail and the crying but figured she'd let her, as Lexa had a history of bottling up her feelings. She just wished she'd be more willing to fight for the truth.
Anya returned to the cabin on Friday afternoon to find a calm and sober Lexa doing breathing exercises on a small strip of lawn. She slowly approached the unaware woman and sat down next to her. They kept quiet for a long time, before Lexa opened her eyes and focused on her friend.
"How was your week?" She asked the blonde softly.
"Long. Heart-breaking." Anya sighed. Upon Lexa puzzled look, she added. "I can't handle how the whole situation turned out. I'm hurting for you too."
"I know."
They spent the days talking and analysing, running and exercising, cooking and eating, the last part still being difficult for Lexa but she tried to accept the responsibility of her own life. Anya avoided any Clarke-related topic to let Lexa handle her emotions in her own time. She hoped the brunette would eventually start talking to her. At the end of the weekend Anya had accepted her decision to quit the job.
"What will you do instead?" She'd asked her whilst they enjoyed the warmth of a fire.
"I always wanted to be an author. I have a couple of stories and I'll try to get them published." Lexa had answered, finally knowing what she wanted to do and hoped it would help her get over Clarke.
"Sounds like a plan."
Anya left on Sunday evening with the promise of Lexa returning to Arkadia the following day. They agreed she shouldn't be alone, but eventually she would move up to the cabin as it was a perfect place to write.
Week 2 after the exhibition
As told, Clarke made her way over to the gallery on Monday morning. Kane waited for her with a cup of coffee and muffins and guided her out into the backyard.
"I've been told by your friend what happened at the exhibition. I'm really sorry."
"Thanks." She answered with a small voice, sipping her coffee. "I'm sorry I couldn't stay."
"I wouldn't have expected you to." He answered surprised by her statement and added, "I want you to know you can always come and talk to me. I'm your friend as well."
Clarke was touched by his words and smiled before she asked. "Raven told me my paintings were sold?"
"All of the paintings you had provided have been bought. I have a list for you of people who are interested in working with you." He stood up and returned a moment later with a sheet of paper. Clarke looked at it and nodded, while saying. "I shall call them as soon as I can."
"Why don't you focus a little bit on yourself? The last exhibition has been very successful and I'm thinking on focusing on me for a change as well."
"You mean you want to close the gallery?"
"No not closing. I thought you could work from here?"
"You would be ok paying me to paint for other people?" Clarke asked incredulously. She had never received such an offer before.
"Essentially." Kane laughed out loud. "See, I know people are coming and going especially so shortly after an exhibition, but I also figure, you won't be too busy in between. Why not use your downtime more efficiently?"
They finished their little improvised breakfast and Kane left Clarke to deal with the daily work a gallery demanded. He stopped by on Wednesday afternoon to check on her and found her completely disengaged from the world in a corner of the biggest showroom. She was covered in various colours from head to toe.
"Now I realise why you wouldn't want to be seen when painting. You look like a mess." He laughed at her and she smiled awkwardly at the statement, while he stepped closer to admire the painting she was working on. "You know, it's already mind-blowing to see the end product of your talent but to be able to observe the creating phase makes it even more astonishing."
"Thanks and I'll clean up later." Clarke promised.
He dismissed her comment and focused his gaze on her. "Have you been out the last couple of days", he asked vaguely.
"Only in the evenings and mornings to come to and leave work. Why are you asking?" She shook her head.
"Never mind. Just asking." He left her again after finishing some paperwork, relieved she hadn't been able to see the newest edition of a certain magazine yet. Once she did, he knew, she would fly off the handle.
Clarke however forgot about his odd behaviour as soon as he left the gallery and she was alone with her abstract painting of the universe.
Thursday night she was invited to Raven's for movie and pizza. She had been talking to both her friends throughout the days they'd spent separated to make sure they wouldn't worry too much. When she'd arrived the door was unlocked and she'd let herself in. Clarke was about to announce her presence when she'd heard her friends talking quietly in the kitchen, unaware of her.
"I can't believe it was published. On second thought, I'm not surprised. That boss bitch of hers was quite intimidating."
"I've tried to buy every copy I could find."
Clarke furrowed her brows, understanding seeping into her paint-dazzled mind and her gaze fell onto Octavia's messenger bag, half open revealing the red-inked letters forming the word 'Nib'. Clarke's eyes widened and she pulled one copy out and stared at Lexa looking back at her from the cover page. She suppressed a sob which would have alarmed her friends and walked backwards to the entrance. She left as silently as she'd arrived, whilst clutching the magazine in a cold hard grip pressed against her chest.
She arrived and threw the paper onto her coffee table. The whole way home she'd debated whether to read it or not. However, curiosity won and Clarke sat down with a bottle of red wine and flipped through the magazine until she read those agonizing 7 words 'How to lose someone in 10 days'. She could already feel her blood starting to boil, remembering all the things Lexa had done to get her to break up with her. 'How stupid had she been?', Clarke thought for the millions time. The beginning of the article sounded painfully familiar and the blonde remembered Lexa's boss reading it out loud at the gallery opening. Each new paragraph felt like another stab wound to her still bleeding heart. Angry sobs became cries of agony as she continued reading the article. She couldn't believe she had misjudged Lexa so badly. She couldn't understand how the woman who had cried in her arms over the hurt inflicted by another lover could be so cold hearted and write things like 'She looked at me like a lovestruck puppy and nothing I did dampened her admiration.' or 'She was so head over heels for me she didn't even question my actions.' Clarke threw the magazine against the nearby wall and emptied the bottle of wine in a minimum amount of time. She staggered over and picked up the pages and stared again at the cover. "You're the devil I never wanted to meet!" She screamed at Lexa, ripping the cover page off the rest and crumpling it in a tiny ball, before dropping it onto the floor and furiously stomping on it. Clarke then ripped the rest of the magazine apart, page by page in small shreds and screamed over and over 'fuck you' to the emptiness of her living room. Eventually the 'fuck you's' spoken in anger turned to 'fuck you's' exclaimed in desperation and she broke down and sobbed uncontrollably for a long time. After a while the numbing effect of the alcohol settled in and she was thankful for that. She got up and opened another bottle and took a big gulp. By the time Octavia entered her apartment, Clarke was lying on the couch on her back staring at the ceiling, the bottle of wine loosely in her hand. She had ignored all the calls and messages and wasn't surprised to see Raven following Octavia into the living room. They spotted the remains of the magazine all over the floor and exchanged a knowing glance.
Octavia lifted the blonde's feet off the couch to sit down. "Clarke?" She asked tentatively turning her head and smelling the alcohol on the blonde's breath, before she took the bottle out of her hand. "She's drunk Raven!" She spoke to the other woman.
"I was waiting for that to happen. I just don't understand why she didn't come over."
"I did." Clarke mumbled and swallowed the bile rising in her throat.
"What?" Both turned to her asking for explanation.
"I came over and heard you guys talking." Clarke explained in a slow, alcohol-induced slur. "I took a copy out of your bag and went home."
"Fuck!" Octavia slapped herself for being so stupid to bring the many copies she had acquired with her to movie night. "I'm so sorry Clarke."
"Not your fault. You're not the lying betraying writer." Clarke started crying and curled into herself facing the back of the couch and ignoring anything around her. Any progress she had made so far had been destroyed with the article.
"What are we doing?" Raven whispered.
"Be there for her."
"I don't need you." Clarke finally mumbled through a clenched jaw.
"We can't leave you alone." Raven protested but Octavia stopped her. "It's ok. We'll let you be." She stood up and walked into the kitchen.
Raven followed her with a confused look on her face. "What are you doing?" She hissed.
"Give her space." Octavia answered calmly, cleaning away the mess Clarke had left behind.
"Are you leaving?" She crossed her arms and pushed herself up the counter. "Cos I won't."
"I didn't say that, did I?"
They stayed the night. Clarke had retreated into her bedroom at one point, annoyed by their presence and left them alone. It was a disturbed night and she woke up with nightmares and screamed for help. In the early morning hours she gave up on the idea of rest and joined her friends on the couch. Clarke didn't talk but accepted the offered coffee with a small smile.
"How are you?" Raven finally broke the silence.
"I feel stupid for thinking she wouldn't be able to hurt me any more than she had." Clarke admitted.
"I swear I'll fucking kill this bitch the next chance I get." Raven exclaimed frustratingly.
"Calm down Rae. I'm not visiting you in prison." Octavia huffed.
"Clarke would, right?" The reprimand brunette asked.
"Sure." Clarke answered, not paying much attention.
"Settled then." Raven shot a cheeky grin Octavia's way and squeezed Clarke's leg thankfully.
They let silence take over and watched the sun rise over the houses with coffee in their hands. At midday Clarke went into her studio and focused on her painting, successfully shifting all thoughts of the article in the furthest corner of her mind. Raven and Octavia promised to come by in the evening to finally have the movie night together.
By the second weekend Clarke felt less fragile, but still torn to pieces about how to feel. Her head told her to stop thinking about the woman, who had broken her soul and trust. Her heart however told her to think of the emotional connection she had shared with her and the intimate moments, which had felt so honest. Clarke's mind went back and forth and she worried for her sanity. She couldn't figure out how to get over Lexa. She cried now, mostly at night, when she dreamed about the happy times, which were her personal nightmares as they left her with this deep rooted longing. She hoped time would either heal her or harden her. She didn't know what she preferred and so she jumped head first into her commitments and painted almost all day long. A part of it was therapy for her broken and destroyed heart, another part was living her dream. She finally worked solely as an artist the way she had always wanted. She didn't care she had to go to the gallery as she continued painting in her little corner whilst taking care of the business. And she kept selling her work. Without the heartbreakingly betrayal she would have been the happiest person on earth.
Lexa went back to Arkadia and tried to settle into her new unemployed lifestyle. She had sent her letter of resignation before the weekend but hadn't heard back. She wasn't too experienced in such matters. It was her first job after university, but she expected a confirmation or some kind of paper work. The waiting process made her feel unsettled and when Tuesday rolled in Lexa was a nervous wreck. She hadn't slept at all and worried the hell out of herself over the article she had refused to read until now. Lexa stood in front of a window and debated whether to read it or not and finally decided to face her fears. She grabbed the copy of the new edition Anya had brought back home and scanned quickly over the text. She felt somewhat relieved her words weren't twisted or changed. She stood behind the text she had written back then. When she reached the end, she held her breath upon reading the insulting and judging comments Nia had put in.
"What the fuck? Shit!" Lexa took the magazine, quickly made her way over to the kitchen and dropped the copy into the sink. She then took out a lighter and set the paper on fire, watching it burn, whilst hoping against hope that Clarke hadn't read it, but knew by now; God and fate hated her guts. 'Maybe she really should write something to clarify the story and clear her name.' Lexa stopped her train of thought. Nothing would help her get Clarke back. Hell, even she wouldn't take herself back, after all that. Lexa shook her head and decided she needed fresh air. She turned on the water to extinguish the glowing ambers and then changed into her workout clothes and left the apartment into the direction of Grounder Hill; the omnipresent connection to Clarke. Back to when times were easier.
On Thursday she finally received a letter from the company owning 'Nib&Scroll'. She prepared a coffee and sat down on the small balcony before opening the rather thin envelope.
Dear Ms Woods,
I have received your letter of resignation, much to my consternation and I cannot express in available words how saddened that is to hear. I was made aware of the circumstances leading up to your decision to quit your job and I want to assure you, an investigation of the involved parties will take place as soon as possible.
Furthermore, I would like to inform you that I will not accept your notice. For any future questions please contact Human Resources.
Sincerely,
Dante Wallace
Lexa read the letter a second time and a third before slamming it down onto the coffee table.
"Who the hell does he think he is? Not accept my notice? Fuck you!" She hollered angrily. "You know what?" She asked rhetorically as she was alone. "I'm not going to contact fucking HR." She stood up, got dressed and made her way over to the shiniest building in Arkadia, known as the Weather Corp Power Tower.
It wasn't easy to get an appointment with Dante Wallace. It surprised and intimidated her to learn he was the president and owner of the company, which possessed more than half of the businesses in and around Arkadia. It didn't stop her though, and when she threatened to go public claiming unacceptable pressure and misuse of authority, she got her audience.
"Ms Woods?" She was greeted with a warm smile and strong handshake.
"Mr Wallace." She answered proud her voice was steady despite the nerves. "I'm here to talk to you about your refusal of my resignation."
"I was informed you are upset."
"I don't understand why you won't accept my decision."
"I do understand, but I'd hoped to keep you on board."
"Sir, with all due respect, I cannot, under any circumstances, keep working for Ms Izard."
"I know." He nodded. "I'm going to offer you a deal. Are you interested in hearing me out?"
Lexa leaned back in the big plush chair and squinted at him. "That depends, sir."
"On?" He asked amusedly.
"Do I have to accept your offer once you've let me in on it or do I still get the chance to decline?"
"Ms Woods, I'm not the mafia."
Lexa laughed out loud at the statement. "Alright then. I'm all ears." Ten minutes later Lexa shook his hand and stood up. "Stick to your promise and I'll deliver what you need."
"Very well Ms Woods. Welcome on board."
Lexa left the tower significantly changed. What she had learned in the past 15 minutes changed the game completely and she felt blessed for having someone believe in her so much, that they wouldn't let her go without a fight. She had agreed to collect evidences of Nia's bullying and abusive and offensive interaction with her team. This evidence would ultimately lead to her dismissal. Lexa would have given one of her rare performances of her happy dance, but refrained in favour of her professionalism. She went down to her car and drove over to her renewed workplace to start the digging process. In return for her detective work she was offered a pay rise and a month of paid vacation once the work was completed. One thing puzzled Lexa though. Mr Wallace was adamant on reading her side of the story. He wanted Lexa to sit down and explain the why's and how it had made her feel. She'd agreed in the end to do it to clear her name, but couldn't help the sliver of hope it also brought along with it.
Maybe she could ask Clarke to read it?
Soooooo... I kind of figured you were all too interested to see how the story progressed to bother with some lame author's note at the beginning.
However, I'd like to thank everyone for their input, feedback, compliments, kudos and for reading and overall liking this story. My adorable proofreader wasn't very happy about the length... I'm sorry but I love you for proofing it anyway.
Now back to this monster of a chapter. I had many potential cliffhanger moments to make you cry out again and yell at your phone, but I decided to keep the story going until two weeks have past.
It had been a bliss to write this story, and with only one chapter left, I feel like it's time for something new? Yes/No?
Well, have a lookout the next couple of days...
So, now I'll leave you to your own thoughts about what you've just read. The article is out there now. Will Lexa write another story or give up? Will Clarke read anything else from Lexa or give up? In case you fancy feedback, hit me up on tumblr. Have a nice week y'all and see next Tuesday to the final of 'How to lose someone in 10 days'. Cheers, J