Getchoo, uh-huh

You know this is breaking me up
You think that I'm some kind of freak, uh-huh
But if you'd come back to me
Then you would surely see
That I'm just fooling around

Getchoo, uh-huh

'Getchoo' by Weezer

WARNING: SLIGHT SEXUAL SITUATIONS AND A BIT OF LANGUAGE

The first thing I thought when I came to my senses was, 'Why the hell do I keep getting knocked out so much lately?'

I fluttered my eyes open and then shut them closed quickly, upon seeing who was beside me.

Bruce. Dammit.

"I saw that." His smooth voice rang out clearly.

Bruce. Dammit!

I sighed and opened my eyes slowly. "Hi Bruce." I mumbled sullenly, lifting up my head and smiling slightly. I was, somehow, at a Hospital. I was in one of their beds, thankfully IV and weird smock-dress free. I did have a clip on my middle finger, and a screen next to me showed my heart rate.

He returned the crooked smile. "You took quite a tumble there. How are you feeling?"

I quickly analyzed my body and how it felt. I shrugged and automatically winced, surprised when I felt the ache in all of the wrong places. My shoulder felt no sting, and so I assumed that Jareth healed it for me. I grimaced. "A little sore, I guess. Bruised, but overall doing okay. Not bad for being dropped head-first onto concrete, huh?"

"I guess not." He replied, still watching me intently. A little uncomfortable under his intense gaze, I glanced around the small room. I had several cards and a vase full of beautiful, bright red roses.

I smiled. "Hey, Bruce. Do me a favor and read me all of my get-well cards, will ya'?"

Bruce nodded, getting up off of his borrowed chair and taking my get well cards over to me, even bringing me one of the flowers to sniff. He cleared his throat in a teasing manner, sitting down again, and started reading.

"Dearest Sarah, I hope you get better quickly. We really need to get carpeted steps for our apartment, girl. Love, Emily." He set down the card with the bright balloons on the cover and moved onto the next. "Get better soon, and call me when you feel better so we can go over the new script. Sincerely, the Director of the Arts of Gotham." My nose crinkled in annoyance and Bruce chuckled, placing down a plain-looking one. "Best wishes for recovery, Sarah. Jim Gordon." I brightened at that one, pleased that he would take the time to do such a thing. Bruce discarded that one as well, reading off several more from normal citizen fans before solemnly lifting up a purple card with a circus clown on the cover for me to see.

I blanched. "You're kidding, right?" I asked, eyeing the card warily.

Bruce shook his head. "The detectives went crazy searching for any hidden threats or explosives. But the card and the flowers," He nodded towards the rose I twirled in my hands. "Both got through. Miraculously."

I dropped the flower automatically, staring down at the innocent petals on my lap. "Read it." I murmured quietly.

Bruce sighed and opened it up. "Don't be down, have a clown." I rolled my eyes and huffed at the cheesy words that came with the card. "Your insides are red, your outsides are black and blue, no more late nights for us, or we'll both get the flu! I can't wait to see you when you come to visit me! XOXO, J."

I shuddered, fingering my flower nervously. "What a dick." I muttered, annoyed.

Bruce shrugged, setting the card aside. "Well… yeah."

"Wait a second. You said the cards and the flowers got through." I gave him a wary look. "Did he try to send something else?"

Bruce blinked slowly. "He tried to ship in the world's biggest box of macaroni and cheese here all the way from Houston, Texas."

I groaned.

"And don't forget the whale."

I moaned, my head limply hanging over my chest.

Let it be known that the Joker forgets absolutely nothing.

And is a major ass about it.

"So, hey, what happened last night? After… you know…" I weakly attempted to change the subject, tentatively looking up again, twirling my finger in the air.

Bruce suddenly pulled a newspaper from under his chair, setting it on my lap and covering the long stem of the rose. The headline read in bold letters: JOKER IN JAIL; and under it in smaller letters: Does Batman have a new accomplice?

I let out a squeal of delight, smiling broadly at Bruce. "Where's my brother?" I demanded in a smug tone.

He hesitated and my smile faltered. "We… don't know."

"WHAT?" I bellowed loudly, causing a nurse to peek in my room and make sure everything was okay. I waved her off quickly. "What the hell do you mean? We won the game, right?"

Bruce nodded. "Yes. The thing is that the Joker won't talk to anyone."

"So? Batman can get it out of him!"

"The Joker's refusing to tell anyone but you." He said pointedly. "You're going to have to go down to the station and 'get it out of him' before he goes to Arkham."

My jaw clenched angrily. "You've got to be fucking joking."

Bruce shook his head, looking as pissed off as I was. With an angry war cry, I picked up the newspaper and threw it across the room as hard as I could. Unfortunately, it went about a foot and then floated down to rest on my feet. "Dammit!" I yelled, crossing my arms.

"You feeling good enough to get out of here?" Bruce asked with a hard glint in his eye.

Pouting, I nodded my head fiercely. "But first, tell me what happened."

Bruce launched into a tale of woe and hardship, otherwise known as Batman having to put up with Jareth. And, oh yeah, taking out a serial killer that calls himself the Joker.

In the first part of the game, where the Joker set free raging lunatics and killers onto the streets, it turned out that he had infiltrated the Asylum and prisons with his own men, using the officers and doctors as bait in step three, which will be explained in just a moment. The Batman took out all the bad guy goons just in time before they had overridden the systems keeping all the cells closed.

Step two, me. Yeah, we know how well that went. Mysterious caped person takes out Joker and drags him to Batman, who drags him to jail. I get taken to the hospital by Gordon's men.

In part three, the Batman's helper somehow gets rid of all of the bombs threatening to destroy our world. No one knows how he or she does it. Batman saves the bait, AKA the officers and doctors previously mentioned, that had been strung across Gotham's main bridge.

A heroic tale, indeed. But now everyone's wondering – who is the person helping Batman? Friend or foe? Male or female? Nobody knows. But everyone's quite happy that nothing bad happened, and plus we got the Joker.

How utterly boring.

All I cared about was if my brother, and of course, the people of Gotham, were okay. I was pretty hissy about the whole thing, and having to mess with my personal tormentor again.

Also, I was scared to death of the topics I would have to discuss with Jareth later. I mean, I was so utterly ecstatic and grateful that he saved me and the city, but I didn't know what would entail with my debt.

Bruce snuck me out of Gotham General Hospital without any problems, so that I could avoid any unnecessary tests or crap like that. However, I did see him sneak a couple of twenties under the desk to the nurses on duty.

I got to get back into his awesome car, which I was very happy about and expressed in a large hug to Bruce, who was very enthusiastic about my response. We drove away to jail, and I was relatively happy because Bruce promised that he was still working on getting my personal Lamborghini. But, when I got there, things couldn't really have gone any worse.

I burst into the building and got a few cheers and handclaps. I smiled graciously but rushed past them all to Gordon, who took me to a private room where I could see into the questioning cell.

Where I could see the Joker.

He had on his innocent act, his handcuffed hands in his lap and an amused smile on his face as he stared at the door in what seemed to be anticipation.

Great.

"So, what's the deal?" I asked, even though I already knew.

Gordon sighed and took off his glasses, rubbing them into his shirt in an attempt to clean them. "He's not talking. He won't tell anyone about the whereabouts of your brother. He keeps repeating that you're the only person he'll talk to." He gave me a weary look. "We ever attempted to send in a detective named Sarah, and he told her that she looked more like a dog person."

I nearly choked on air. Gordon gave me a curious look, hoping I would tell him what that was all about, but I remained silent.

"Anyways." Gordon shifted uncomfortably, looking out at the super villain with me. "I can't wait to ship him off to Arkham. See how he gets out of that place." He smiled wryly. "I'm really sorry about this Sarah. But I can't think of another way."

I mimicked his wry smile. "It's not your fault, Lieutenant. But if I could request one thing…?"

He nodded.

"I'd like to not be watched." I don't know what I was thinking, really. I just felt uncomfortable that he would be able to see our interaction.

"Sarah." His voice sounded exasperated. I grimaced, bracing myself for the lecture. "That really would not be a good idea."

"I'll be fine, really. You took away all his knives, right?"

"I'm serious. You know that this man is a raging maniac. I barely trust myself being in there with him." Gordon sounded so concerned, and I appreciated it. But I was certain of what I wanted.

"Seriously, I'm going to be fine. There's not going to be any trouble at all." I smiled, speaking in a reassuring tone.

"I simply can't allow it." He shook his head.

I sucked on the inside of one of cheeks, trying to be patient. "A compromise? You can watch us, but don't listen."

Gordon hesitated, but saw that I wasn't going to drop the subject. "You are so stubborn, Sarah." He muttered, raking a hand through his hair.

I grinned, shrugging. "Yep, that's me!"

Two minutes later I was in front of a door that would lead me into certain doom.

Not that I was nervous or anything.

My hand on the doorknob, I hesitated. But I had no doubt in my mind about one thing – the Joker was going to tell me where my brother was. No matter what.

I opened the door and stepped inside quickly.

"Finally."

I paused, examining the mass serial killer quickly. He looked pretty worse for wear, his makeup almost gone and a large, purple bruise on his left cheekbone. I bet he was happy about the color. He smiled at me teasingly, like he was patronizing a child.

I rolled my eyes and took the chair across from him, mimicking his body stance. "Let's get down to business shall we?" I smiled sarcastically. "Where is –"

He waved his bound hands in the air dismissively, cutting me off. "Boring, boring. You always want to talk about Toby when I want to talk about us." He licked his lips and raised his eyebrows suggestively, placing his hands on the table and leaning forward slightly. "Even at the most inconvenient times."

I recoiled, trying not to blush at his reference. "It was just that one time." I hissed, grateful for the fact that Gordon wasn't listening now.

He smacked his lips together, giving me an exasperated look. "Not that there won't be more times to come."

My mouth dropped open indignantly. "Excuse –"

He grinned, letting out a quick whooping laugh and interrupting me again. "Don't deny it, gorgeous. But, no, no, no, your attraction to me isn't what we need to be talking about."

My eyes almost bulged out of my sockets in complete and utter disgust. "Attraction? I don't know what you're –"

In a flash, the Joker lunged across the table and captured my head in his hands, pulling me to him. I yelped but was quickly silenced by the fact that his lips were on my own.

Oh my God, Sarah, don't panic! Just stay calm!

He pressed into me hard, wasting no time to snake his tongue past my lips and down my throat. I protested noisily, my hands pulling on his still handcuffed ones behind my head in attempt to make him release me. Of course, it was unsuccessful. Instead I tried to push his tongue out with my own, but that only seemed to fuel him on.

He jumped off of me swiftly, grabbing his now empty chair and swinging it around so that it jammed the doorknob. I gasped, wiping at my mouth and standing up as fast as I could, stumbling slightly.

I was pushed back down into my chair suddenly, the Joker straddling my waist, his knees pushing my legs together forcefully. His handcuffs hung loosely on just one hand now. I faintly heard the sounds of bangs on the door and fearful voices.

Now it was time to panic.

"You see what I do to maintain my toys?" He asked childishly with a cock of his head. He tangled a hand in my hair and pulled it back harshly so that the curve of my neck molded against the top of the chair. I swung a fist around that almost connected with his jaw, but his other hand caught it and snatched up my other hand as well. He pulled them up and over his head with a smile, knowing that he had me now.

Oh, fuck.

"My toys are only mine to play with." He said with mock seriousness and a leer. I struggled a bit, but stopped when he started making mocking soothing noises. "I don't like to share." He shook his head and the hand in my hair forced me to do the same. "Which brings us around to…" His voice dropped several octaves, and he whispered to me quietly like he had a special secret for only me to hear. "Your secret."

Curse words floated around aimlessly in my head.

"Does your secret take care of you like I do, Sarah sweet?" He asked with mock concern, but the whole effect was ruined by the smile on his face. "Does your secret love you? Does your secret make you smile like I do?"

"You don't make me smile!" I snapped, drawing up enough saliva to spit in his face.

He laughed, quickly wiping it away from his eye with the hand on both of mine. I left them there, knowing I'd probably get sucker-punched if I did any different. His face to the side and his tongue on top of a canine tooth, he gave me a sly look that overall reminded me of a dog about to chase after a particularly plump cat.

That cannot be good.

"Maybe we'll have to change that, hmm?" He purred, and suddenly there was a knife on my bottom lip.

How the hell does he get away with things like this?

I froze instantly, my body tightening and filling with adrenaline. I slowly smiled, careful not to hit the blade. He patted my cheek condescendingly, taking the other hand out of my hair. "That's a good girl." He cooed. "See? You're secret's nothing compared to me, right-o spaghetti-o?"

Yeah. He's not a raging lunatic with crappy jokes that's hell-bent on killing me.

"Right?" He suddenly bellowed and my eyes widened in shock. I'd never heard him yell before. I almost wet my pants, but instead, I nodded carefully and deliberately.

"Mmhmm." He nodded along with me, only more quickly than I. Abruptly he leant down to replace his knife on my lip with his teeth, randomly biting down and pulling. I squealed in surprise and pain as he shook his head playfully, giggling while he did it.

Fuck, he remembers that stupid 'kiss' too? Dammit!

I jerked away, but he followed, instead kissing me for real. I squirmed, my hands tearing at his greasy hair since they were already there. He ignored this and continued to violate my mouth, pushing at my tongue with his to get me to tangle tongues with him.

I raged an inner war with myself, debating whether or not to respond. On one hand, I really liked kissing him – it was a nice, rough change from the usual ones I got. On the other, I mostly didn't want to kiss him back off of principle. I mean, Gordon's probably watching this with horror right now.

My rebellious side won out though with a 'who cares' comment.

I slowly, hesitantly moved my lips and tongue along with his. Thrilled, he pushed at me harder, and his hands made their way down to the line of my pants, fingering them down slightly. I shuddered with pleasure, arching up against him. Countdown to nakedness – 10… 9… 8…

He was off me.

My eyes shot open to see and hear the Joker cackling madly on the floor before an arm shot out and moved me in the opposite direction. I stumbled over to a wall, hitting myself lightly against it. I looked over quickly and my breath caught in my throat.

The Batman.

About time he showed up!

I was frozen in my place as I watched, wide-eyed, as a fight ensued between the Joker and Batman.

"Get out of here!" Batman demanded suddenly, bellowing in my direction as he threw another punch into Joker's face. Blinking and coming to my senses, I suddenly darted over to the door.

A moment away from shoving the chair over, a hand caught my wrist and whirled me around. I let out a mix between a gasp and a shriek as my back collided with a male chest and something metallic clanked around my wrist. I instinctively rushed forward, escaping the arm that had flung itself around my middle. I didn't get far before my wrist caught on the foreign object now there and I fell right back into a man's arms.

It took me about half a nanosecond to get what was going on. That fucking clown handcuffed me to him!

"BASTARD!" I yelled infuriatingly as the Joker laughed hysterically. I felt a sharp object to the small of my back and I stiffened instantly, knowing exactly what it was.

"Let her go, Joker." Batman said gruffly as the Joker toned down his giggles and pressed our bodies more firmly together.

"Batsy, Batsy, Batsy. How many times do I have to tell you that she likes it here?"

"LIES!" I screamed, pounding my free fist into his side in an attempt to get away. He stumbled slightly and the knife pinched my skin. I hissed with the tiniest bit of pain as the Joker chuckled pleasantly.

"Nice try." He whispered in my ear before pulling me closer, capturing my free hand with his handcuffed one and backing himself up against a wall. Now there was no way Batman could get to him without hurting me!

FUCK!

"As you can see, Batsickle, we're having our own little playdate. You and me will just have to reschedule! Now, off you go!" He giggled, waving him off with the hand wielding the knife.

I couldn't let this happen. I couldn't trust myself with the Joker alone anymore, now that I knew that I was too interested in making out with his scarred self. "If you don't release me this instant," I hissed. "I will say the words. Or, so help me, I will call Jareth in here to beat you up again!"

"Go ahead!" The Joker exclaimed happily. "I dare you to!"

I inhaled sharply, hating my predicament. But I had no choice.

"Jareth!"

There was a moment of silence. The Joker hummed contently to himself, and I'm sure he was quite enjoying the certain parts of my body that were pressed up against him. Filthy pervert that he is.

"Well," Jareth's exasperated voice came from somewhere behind me. "What do we have here?"

I sighed into the Joker's arms, knowing that Jareth would make everything okay again.

"I would suggest that you release Sarah immediately, clown, before –"

"Before he kicks your butt again!" I crowed.

"On one little condition!" He sing-songed into my ear, his teeth grazing it softly as his voice lowered so that only I could hear. "Kiss me."

"I did that two minutes ago, you perv!" I growled.

"Not in front of those two!" He giggled madly again.

I just wanted to get the hell away from him now. "Fine. Drop the knife."

He acquiesced immediately, pocketing again to wherever the hell it was in the first place, and I leaned upwards to give him a quick peck. I pulled away almost immediately, but he followed, tongue sweeping quickly into my mouth. I shook my head, my cheeks growing red, and yanked myself away as fast as possible. "Don't expect any more ever." I snarled at his grinning face before pulling myself out of his embrace.

I was immediately pulled into another chest, an arm wrapping firmly around my waist while the other flicked off my handcuff off in an instant. Jareth had his Goblin King attire on, since I could feel it against my back, and I suddenly noticed Batman was still in the room. They made a triangle, the three men, briefly standing at an impasse.

Jareth suddenly growled, a deep, deadly sound from the back of his throat, as his other hand enclosed around my shoulders. "Sarah is mine." He said lowly, dangerously as he eyed the other men. The Joker was leaning up against the wall, watching me intently, while Batman was ogling Jareth in presumed annoyance. Jareth spoke again in that same voice. "I want you two to stop messing with what is mine."

I stared up at Jareth with blank shock. I didn't know what to feel.

And with that, Jareth kicked over the chair at the door while Batman came to his senses and lunged at the Joker. The police came filing in just as Jareth, with me in tow, took us away from that scene to one that was almost as unwelcome.

Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nothing of Labyrinth or Batman. Sadly and realistically, I never will. -sobs-

Note (11/17/08): Hey everyone, I just wanted to tell you about an awesome story Moonone came up with, where you can ask the Joker any question your heart desires! It's really fun, and I encourage you to go check her out! Also, this next chapter is going to come out kind of slowly -- I'm going to be gone for Thanksgiving week, and I'll try to get the next chappy out before then. But I can't promise anything! Regardless, it will be worth the wait, because I think all of you are going to really enjoy it... -evil laugh- Thanks everyone for reviewing, I love you all!!