"Do you still love me? I won't tell her if you do."

Disclaimer: Mai HiME is property of Sunrise. I am getting so tired of this.

Chapter 14: Secrets

She took a huge step into the corridor and was immediately stopped by an unexpected barrier. The last thing she saw after she shot out the door in panic was the back of a white school uniform and a shocked face turning around before she ran into the obstacle with full force.

"Ouch," muttered a completely disoriented Natsuki. Her head was spinning and she needed a few seconds before realizing in what peculiar position she was in. Her limbs were practically wrapped around the crimson-eyed goddess while her body was pinning said girl to the floor. The red rose to her cheeks before she could even start thinking about unwrapping herself.

"Ara, Natsuki. After all, you really are fierce," the chestnut-haired girl said.

"Don't feel too flattered, Fujino. She does this all the time. I guess you could say it's kind of a bad habit," Nao tossed in slightly annoyed.

"Ara, so Natsuki is a part-time molester? How unexpected," was the teasing comment.

"Yeah and a full-time idiot, too. Your life must be so exhausting, Kuga." The pink-haired girl was sometimes amazed that Natsuki didn't get herself killed during their time apart from each other.

Natsuki was looking from Shizuru to Nao and back again, not sure what to respond to any of them.

Where did I go wrong to deserve such punishment? I can't compete with both of them. Maybe it would be better if they wouldn't get along. Yes, yes. I should keep them at safe distance. Otherwise this might get dangerous for my sanity. Damn it! Why did she run away anyway?

"What the hell are you doing here? We were worried that something might have happened to you and now we find you right outside the room."

"She was worried, not me." Nao pointed at Natsuki with an impervious face and was met with a dead glare from the emerald orbs. "Just wanted to correct that," the pink-haired girl mumbled before falling silent.

"I figured that after you had a quite lively conversation inside the bathroom, it would be better to leave and stop being a bother to you," Shizuru calmly answered.

"How thoughtful of you, Fujino-san." Nao smiled victoriously. "It was a pleasure to meet you." She took the hand of the chestnut-haired girl and started shaking it enthusiastically.

"Nao!" Natsuki growled at her childhood friend.

"Okay, okay." The lime-eyed girl sighed in defeat. "You still owe me one," she added playfully, winking at her slightly edgy friend but for some strange reason her magic worked.

"Fine." Natsuki said appeased.

Nao gave her a smile before walking towards Tokiha's room. The raven-haired girl shortly explained their plan to a baffled Shizuru.

"And she really is okay with that? She seemed a bit mad." Shizuru paused and then added, "or maybe just overprotective."

"I can still hear you. And no, I am not overprotective, but I might become mad if you don't stay in my bed during the night," Nao tossed in from afar.

"Whatever Yuuki-san wishes." Shizuru said with a perfect smile plastered on her face.

"You two are really exhausting," Natsuki mumbled.

Shizuru suddenly buried her head in her hands. "Meanie."

Gah! I need to stop thinking aloud!

"Sorry, I didn't mean it that way. I..." The green-eyed girl tried to apologize but Shizuru was unstoppable. She couldn't help but making a theatrical sob and it had just the predicted impact on the younger girl. "Ugh, Shizuru..." The panic was clearly audible in her voice and she hectically grabbed the Kyoto-girl by the shoulders. "I really didn't..." Shizuru couldn't suppress her laughter anymore and peeked through her hands, assuring her opposite that she was just joking. Natsuki felt downright dumb and turned around to go back into her room.

"Really woman, you freak me out."

Shizuru smiled over Natsuki's cute outbreak and followed her back into the apartment. She patiently waited for the other girl to start talking again because she knew that she might have overstepped a line. Thankfully, Shizuru didn't seem to hold a grudge. After fumbling through the closet for a while she handed her a white shirt and boxer short.

"I assume it's not what you usually wear at night, but I don't have any other sleeping clothes." Natsuki said with her husky voice.

"Thank you," was the only thing Shizuru replied. She sat down on Nao's bed and started to undress. Sweatdrops formed on Natsuki's forehead when Shizuru unbuttoned her blazer.

"I... I'll be in the bathroom," Natsuki stuttered before hectically grabbing her sleeping clothes and vanishing behind the door.

Jeez... that was close... Wait! Close what for? We're both girls. There shouldn't be a problem to get changed in the same room, right? Ahahahaha... Natsuki scratched the back of her head while hysterically muttering into the seemingly thin air.

"Ara, is Natsuki having fun in there?" That girl was merciless.

"I was just... killing a spider." Shoot! Thank god, Nao didn't hear that comment. She would have beaten the shit outta me.

After she had waited a few more minutes to be completely sure that Shizuru finished changing, Natsuki came out of the bathroom, also wearing a white shirt and a black boxer shorts. The chestnut-haired girl, who was already lying in bed gave Natsuki and amused look before commenting on the clothes.

"We look like twins," she said with a smile.

Natsuki looked down on herself and started to blush lightly.

"I told you, I have nothing else to..."

"It's okay. It wasn't meant in an insulting way. I like the outfit. It looks good on you," Shizuru said with her Kyoto-ben and the most alluring voice.

Natsuki wasn't used to this kind of boldness from any other than Nao and so she just nodded and went into her bed, making sure to take a look outside the window before turning off the light. She couldn't help but having a bad feeling about tonight's hunting trip. Forgetting that she wasn't alone, she unintentionally sighed into the night air after she made sure to have her cellphone close to her ear.

"Are you okay?" The strangely familiar voice of the Kyoto-girl cut through the darkness.

"Sure," Natsuki said brusque. Minutes passed before the though biker-girl started to speak again.

"Ne Shizuru..."

"Yes." It still gave her a warm feeling, to hear the other girl addressing her so informal. It was like a sweet lullaby she had heard before but forgotten until now.

"Why did you run away?" After all, the black-haired girl did care about the reasons of the supposedly spoilt child.

There was a long pause before Shizuru decided to tell the truth. She had weight out her options and came to the conclusion that there was no use in lying. The announcement soon would be official. The only thing that made a difference was her opinion on that matter. She knew that when it will be announced, she had to be perfect. She had to smile and she had to be flawless. This was her last chance to let anybody in the world know of her true feelings about this. Shizuru knew that Natsuki was practically a stranger but the silence and darkness of the night were wrapped around her like an armor, shielding her from reproaching gazes and incomprehension. After all, Reito Kanzaki was the best shot in the academy; smart, pretty and even nice. But still, Shizuru knew she could never be happy with him let alone love him. She always had the feeling that there was something more out there waiting for her. She just hadn't found it yet.

"I'm getting married," Shizuru said emotionless.

"You what?" Natsuki burst out into the dark not sure why she was so upset about the news. "Umm, sorry, I mean congratulation."

"It's alright. It's not what I want, but what I have to." The desperation in her voice was now clearly audible.

"Well, if that guy loves you, he will understand if you're not ready yet. I mean you're still young. How long have you known each other?"

"Since Junior High."

"He's on our school? What's his name?" Natsuki wasn't the curious type, but something so unlikely like marriage at this age freaked her out a bit. "Umm, I mean I don't think I know him because I'm new, but still..."

"I'm sure you've heard of him. He's the former student-council president Kanzaki Reito."

"Kanzaki?" Natsuki repeated. I have heard that name before. I believe Mai talked about him the other day when we she was cooking for us. But didn't she plan to go on a date with him? He sure must be popular among the girls.

"You know him?" Shizuru asked.

"Me? Ugh, no. A friend of mine told me about him. He seems to be a good catch."

"Sure..." Shizuru responded in a sad voice. She turned around to face the blank walls. Tears were silently rolling down her face. That is exactly the reaction everyone else would have. But for some reason I hoped that she would be different...

"You don't look very happy to me." The voice was so low that it sounded far away but Shizuru knew that the other girl was still lying in the bed at the other side of the room.

"I didn't know Natsuki had the ability of night-vision." She tried to sound cheerful.

"I meant in general. Your eyes... they look sad. Even when you smile." What am I you doing here? I don't know that girl. Stop being so personal. I really should step back and stop mingling in her privacy. I have no clue why I am bothered anyway.

Shizuru was taken aback by the words of the mysterious girl. Something deep inside told her that she was save now and that she doesn't have to hide behind the mask of perfection in this very second.

"I am..." she whispered through her silent tears. "I am sad. I don't want to marry him. I barely know him and I surely don't love him. He might be nice and good-looking but he's not right for me. I know it. There's got to be more. This can't be the end." The crimson-eyed regretted that her voice sounded so broken and melodramatic, but she never had the chance to give her feelings a voice before. Thus, she had no practice in controlling the tone of her real emotions and so they just came out as they were... raw. She felt embarrassed as her sobs broke through the darkness, but it was too late to keep on pretending now. She was just glad the moon didn't illuminate the room for now since it was hidden behind dark clouds.

Not quite sure what to say, Natsuki remained silent for a while. Until now she never thought about such problems. In fact, she didn't think about the complexity of relationships in general. She had no experience in emotions or interacting with friends and she felt more than helpless the very second Shizuru started to cry. She tried to think of what Nao would do if it was her and even though it seemed to be utterly wrong, she slowly started to crawl out of her bed.

Shizuru could hear the footsteps of the other girl coming closer through the dimness. Her heartbeat got wilder with every step. None of the girls dared to speak a word. Only their breathing and the low sounds of Natsuki's feet against the wooden floor made the moment real. Reaching the bed, the black-haired girl had already lost track of her intention. The scent of water lilies sphered around her nose, once more reminding her that it wasn't her best friend lying in front of her. But still, she didn't know better and so she carefully sat down on the edge of the bed, praying that she wouldn't smash any organs of the filigree girl. But to her relieve the crimson-eyed lay close to the wall.

Shizuru did her best to suppress the sobbing but her tears were mercilessly forcing their way to the outside. She was afraid of turning around and facing the endlessness of those emerald eyes. Every time she looked into these eyes, she felt like getting lost in them. As if she was drowning in an ocean of deep green. The girl made her feel helpless. She made her feel insecure and unprotected and yet, safer than ever before. The sudden contact of Natsuki's hand on her back let her stiffen. The touch seemed to burn right through the fabric of her clothes. If she didn't know for sure she wore a shirt, she would have sworn that her skin started to melt with the Natsuki's. She sharply inhaled as if being in pain, before she stopped breathing completely. Only when the hand started to stroke up and down, she eventually let the air flow out of her lungs in a muffled sob.

"Can't you talk this over with your parents? I mean, I am sure they want their daughter to be happy. The shrink in the Orphanage told Nao and me that parents always want the best for their children." Natsuki didn't know why she told the other girl something like this right now, but she felt like she had to say something to cheer her up.

The older girl couldn't help but forming a bitter smile over the naive comment.

"It sounds nice but sadly the world isn't that simple. My father does what he has to do and so should I." She paused to take some fresh air in. "But I am different. I'm not him. I wish he could see that. But he won't even listen to me, let alone trying to see the real me. But I can't blame him. I'm sick of myself." The words just fell out of her mouth. "I'm sorry for being such a weakling, but let me be myself just for tonight. Tomorrow, I'll have to face my father and apologize with a perfect smile again, before announcing my engagement with Reito-san. So please... just for tonight... " The tears swallowed her last words and she couldn't control the amount of oxygen her lungs filtered any longer. She curled herself up into ball, hoping to crush the pain inside.

Natsuki didn't know what to say anymore. Surrender wasn't something she liked, but then she had no idea how to deal with family business. To her the situation was simple, she would never marry someone for the sake of somebody else and she couldn't understand why Shizuru would obey her father so willingly.

"You have to fight," Natsuki suddenly said.

"What?"

"Don't just give in to anyone's wishes." The raven haired-girl was as bluntly as ever.

Shizuru shot into an upright position. The blackness of the night made it hard to figure out the exact position of the other girl's face and so she just stared into the darkness before turning her heads towards the window. The moon was about to fight its way through the clouds while she took a deep breath.

"My father isn't anyone. You don't know him. You have no idea what responsibilities come with being a Fujino. You..."

"I know," Natsuki cut her off. "I know that I don't know you at all and that it isn't my place to tell you what to do. But I know that it's wrong to do something you don't wanna do and if you really don't love this boy than don't marry him. I am sure there's somewhere someone waiting for you." When she voiced the last syllable with a strange tone of melancholia, the moon finally broke free from its cage of dark clouds. Irradiated by the sun, its light cut directly through the dimness of the apartment, unmasking two girls, who had been fighting a desperate battle of an emotional hide and seek in the safety of the night. Natsuki's emerald eyes were glimmering with the soft reflection of the moonshine and her gaze was captured into the deep crimson of her teary opposite. She remained silent as if the moment had frozen over, mirroring a perfect image of serenity. Her breathing started to increase the longer she stared into the desperation of those deep red eyes. A strange tension was building up with every second the moment lasted. Like a magnet she felt herself drawn in by the aura of the chestnut-haired girl. She couldn't think, she couldn't speak, she couldn't even struggle against this mighty force pulling inside of her. Never breaking the gaze, she slightly bended over to bring herself closer to the bewitching eyes. The smell of water lilies seemed so much more present that she was afraid of losing track of reality. She could see that the cheeks of the other girl had a light rosy color from the crying. The whole scenario made her look so fragile that Natsuki was afraid to come closer for she wasn't sure what would happen.

Shizuru felt as if the green eyes were looking right into her soul. Again, she felt helpless and exposed. But the longer she was holding the eye-contact the more of her insecurity faded. She was sure that something about this girl was different. And although she had sworn herself to stop having such thoughts about girls, she couldn't help but being fascinated by the mysterious beauty in front of her. Her heart was giving her mind a hard time in resisting her so called inappropriate feelings but for now she couldn't do anything but let her senses take over. After all her defense was entirely gone for tonight and she slowly started to doubt that the whole situation was real anyway. Acting only on her needs and emotions right now, she tilted her head a little and leaned in. She closed her eyes when Natsuki's face was only inches away from hers. Her heart was hammering in her chest while she waited for the other girl to close the last remaining distance. Seconds ticked away like breaths, but nothing like that happened and even though she was afraid to open her eyes for facing reality, she knew she had to eventually wake up. To her surprise the other girl was still as close as before, only the calm expression had turned into something else. Her eyes were shut tightly as if she was in pain and after a few seconds Shizuru figured that she actually was.

"Are you okay?" The Kyoto-born girl asked in a worried tone bringing some distance between them again.

"Yeah, I just got a headache." The pain was still present but it was at least slowly decreasing after the other girl had moved away.

"You tend to have migraine, don't you?"

"Not before I met you." The black-haired girl still had one eye closed in pain.

"I have no idea what that's supposed to mean," was the puzzled response.

"Nothing, forget about it."

"Thank you, Natsuki. You're an intriguing person." Shizuru brought herself closer once more. So close that Natsuki could feel the sweet breath upon her face. Just for a slight moment a picture of a cliff and two figures wrapped around each other flickered up in her mind's eye. But she lost her train of thoughts the moment she felt soft lips upon her right cheek. She somehow was relieved that the situation played out into a little peck because she had no idea if she could handle anything other than that. It suddenly seemed as if she had missed out a lot in life. Things like love or friendship weren't something she was used to. She had never known anything beside her feelings for Nao and so she couldn't make out what this was all about, but it somehow didn't bother her either. The only thing she did know for sure was that this usually wasn't the way she treated a stranger. She was blushing in the dark. "So, you'll call off the wedding?" she muttered, trying to overlook the action of the crimson-eyed.

"No, but at least I know that you know how I really feel. Goodnight, Natsuki." Shizuru turned around with an invisible smile on her lips and Natsuki eventually walked back to her bed. She gave her cellphone a worried glance, noticing that there wasn't any sign from Nao by now.

"Goodnight," she said, while clutching her mobile tightly.

A/N: This chapter really took me like forever. I was rewriting it over and over again because I was never satisified but finally I think it came out nicely. I always have a hard time writing ShizNat scenes but I'm slowly getting better at it. Lol, which isn't of any use since I have lost all ShizNat fans after the NatNao filled chapters. Anyhow, if somebody out there liked this chapter, let me know in a review. I know a good author shouldn't have to beg for reviews...so what tells you that? Btw next chapter will be a big fight were Haruka's child and element will be revealed. It was planned for this chapter but then I got wrapped up in the ShizNatness