Chapter 13: The Irrevocable Words

Fili was glad to see Thorin was able to walk with ease again. The week they had been allowed the rest at Beorn's house had allowed their wounds to heal and their strength to return. Like some of the others Fili had tried to make himself useful around the house during the daytime, but Beorn would have nothing of it. "You lost enough to those Goblins," the big man had said the second morning. "you rest and heal." But now they were healed well enough to travel on, by next morning they would continue on their path. And he could not stop standing here outside the house and look towards the mountains. Where was Kili? Something inside him, in his heart, told him his brother was out there, and he wondered if his brother was alright. Then his eyes found Thorin and Fili smiled a little as he approached him. His Uncle needed him, needed him strong and reliable. He would trust Kili and the others to do fine on their own.

"Thorin, Fili!" Beorn came up the path that led to his house; the bear-man was accompanied by a youth of his kind, a red-haired boy of about fourteen summers. "This lad just told me an interesting story, one that you might like to hear."

Thorin would have preferred to just talk to Fili, but Beorn had been a most gracious host and the boy by his side looked excited and eager. The dwarven leader did not find it in himself to rebuff the teen as he might have done with an adult. "What is your name, young messenger?" he asked.

"Halfbran," the youth replied, standing much taller with the attention. "I came to tell Beorn that a warrior and two dwarves passed through my village on their way north. They are looking for your company, Lord Oakenshield. We were not sure if they were your enemies and sent them away, but the Woodlander trader on the other side of the river sold them some horses for some golden clasp or pin of sorts." The boy was clearly disgusted by the Woodlander's greed for gold. "And my father Grimbran sent me up the river to warn you."

"Three?" Thorin's asked, his heart clenching. A man, two dwarves… one of them had not made it. Who of them had not made it? Ori? He had been the youngest, least experienced; in the fight that must have ensued he would have been at a disadvantage. Kili? He had already been injured. No, the golden clasp indicated that he was alive, Dis would be furious if she ever learned he sold that, but it told Thorin that Kili had not only been alive but also in full possession of his wits. Dwalin? He did not dare think it. Not Dwalin… let it not be his old friend.

"They were three," Halfbran confirmed. "They came into our village after dark. My father mostly spoke with the man, a tall warrior from the south. He looked like he came upriver from Gondor. The dwarves did the dealings with the Woodlanders; we did not see much of them." The boy sighed. "Father made sure that the ferry would not take them back, which will force them to take a detour of at least another day's worth and I ran to warn you that they are after you."

"No, Halfbran, they are not after me. You brought me news of three of my men that I already believed dead." He said. "You have my thanks. Hearing that they did not die in the Goblin Dens is glad tidings indeed."

Beorn dismissed the boy with a clap on the shoulder, the lad darted off and the big man smiled after him. "My people are careful with strangers." He said to Thorin. "and a man travelling with two dwarves would make them wonder."

The dwarven leader understood all too well. The Beornings had to contend with the Stonefist dwarves in the mountains, who were allied with all kinds of nasty folk, even with Goblins. Thorin hated those traitors with a passion and he bore no anger for Beorn's people that it had made them distrustful of dwarves. "That would be Boromir," he said. "from what little your young friend could say he is the only one I can name."

"Three out of four, your people must be mighty warriors indeed to have fought their way out of the deeps." Beorn had gone back to the mountains the first night and seen the commotion and the goblins. It did not take much imagination to know what was going on underground.

"Beorn! They are here…" Halfbran pointed downhill to the path, where three riders approached. The boy was clearly surprised how the three had managed to catch up that swiftly.

Thorin's eyes followed the direction the boy pointed in. There were three brown woodlander horses speeding up the hill, carrying familiar figures; one tall, clearly no dwarf, Boromir, the second smaller with long hair flying in the wind and a bow strapped to his back, Kili! And… a great iron clamp seemed to fall from Thorin's heart when he saw the familiar bald figure in the saddle of the third horse. Dwalin. Like so many times before his friend had managed to kick death between the… teeth and return to him.

The riders brought their horses to stop when they reached Beorn's house. Thorin saw Fili race past him, rushing towards his little brother. Kili jumped off his horse quickly, allowing Fili to grab him for a fierce hug. Both brothers held each other, but Thorin was surprised to see Kili being so calm, so in control. He had followed Fili without the rushing, to greet Dwalin with a short hug of his own. "I had feared it had been your last adventure, my friend."

Dwalin gave him a short clap on the shoulder. "You did not expect me to leave the young Prince in trouble on his own, did you?" he asked gruffly. "Unfortunately the Goblins did not agree with our early departure, we had to give them the message in the only way they could understand."

"Bashed right into their skulls." Thorin knew this joke, it was an old one but having Dwalin here to crack it anew made it all the better.

Their short moment was broken up when the others come hurrying from the house, ahead of them Dori and Nori. The two had come running and stopped suddenly when they saw the group of three. "Where is Ori?" Dori asked. "Where is our brother?"

Thorin knew he should have asked right away, to learn what had happened, even as he already feared what the answer was.

Kili stepped away from his brother, taking something from the saddle of his horse before approaching the two waiting dwarf brothers. "Dori, Nori," he addressed them both, calmly, his voice warm and compassionate. "I am grieved to bring you such ill tidings. Ori was severely injured when the bridge collapsed and died shortly after. He was very brave and he asked me to bring this to you." Only now Thorin realized that the thing Kili held was the leather satchel that Ori had used to hold his book. The dwarven leader had expected Dwalin to explain or break the bad news, now he could not fail to notice the change in Kili.

"Dead?" Dori asked, disbelievingly. "Died of injuries? You left him behind did you? Left him so you could escape!" Anger rose in his voice. "You were against him coming and got rid of him when you could."

Thorin was ready to step in, but Kili stood calmly and so firmly in the path of Dori's anger that he felt it not necessary to intercede just yet. "Dori, when we left Ori was dead, even if Óin had been there, he would have stood no chance, the fall was too bad. He spoke of you before the end."

This time Dori took the book but anger was still in his eyes when he glanced at Kili. "You left his body to the Goblins for eating then?" he was no less upset than before.

"It makes no difference, he is lying." Nori interjected. "And he thinks he is so smart about it. It's not the truth he is telling."

"Nori!" Dwalin barked. "Some would consider it a mercy not to learn the painful details." The warrior was angered by the brother's behavior, trying to remind the other two whom they were talking to.

"Painful details indeed." Dori snorted. "You would have saved your Princeling before anyone else. How come you all three survived the fall that killed him?"

"They were busy saving Kili and left Ori to rot," Nori's fist made hard impact with Kili's shoulder as the dwarf attacked him, anger and pain clearly written on his face. "They only cared for you, precious thing. And you did not like our brother anyway, did you? And they cared more for the Orc plaything than for our Ori."

In his rage the dwarven rogue managed to land a second hit, before Kili grabbed his wrist, twisting his arm backwards, bringing him down in one fluid motion. Suddenly Nori found himself on the ground, Kili's left arm putting pressure on Nori's throat. The black eyes were blazing at him with pain and hardly bridled anger. "Ori could not control his fall; he did not land on his feet and was impaled on a rock spike." Kili's voice was icy now. "He was in for a slow agonizing end, and with hundreds of Goblins rushing down on us, it was either us taking mercy at him or them tormenting his final hours. I made that choice and I do not have to answer to you for that. He was my responsibility, as you left him behind during the escape." He rose, releasing his grip on Nori's throat. "Had you trained him properly instead of spoiling him, he might have made it." He said coldly before walking away. "Dwalin, Boromir, get the horses inside. We have inconvenienced Lord Beorn quite enough."

Thorin had stood beside the scene, muzzling his own anger. Kili was handling this better and stronger than he had expected him to. Change was written all over him, a boy had entered the caverns below the mountains and a man had emerged, an irrevocable change wrought on him. His anger was not directed at his son, but at the two brothers of Ori. He had been willing to give their grief a lot of respect, but they had just crossed a line. No one called his son, the Prince of Durin's folk, an Orc plaything, not called him out like this. "I will discount your attack on my son because of your grief, Nori." He spoke, forcing himself to speak without snapping. "But with what you just said, I will not have you among my company any longer. Balin, if they still have their contracts see them burned, they are released from their obligations."

"Thorin…" Dori began but the Dwarven King had already turned and left them standing.

Dwalin, who had been grabbing the reins of Kili's horse to lead it away cast an icy glance at the two. "You are very lucky," he grumbled. "I would cut you to pieces for what you just did, but my Prince would not allow it. Begone."

ADL

Fili found his brother at the stables, brushing the horse he had ridden on his way here. It was so like Kili to find some work when he was angry. He probably missed having a forge and a hammer at this moment. The blond dwarf had actually asked Balin for a few hours to sort this, before any contracts were burned. But like so often in this family no one seemed willing to talk and try to mend fences. Fili sighed, Kili was so much alike Dis and Thorin in pride and temper. He loved them all three for it, he loved their fiery anger, their stubborn willful pride and their possessive love of those few they called friends, but sometimes he wanted to shake them. "Kili, can we talk?" he asked, seeing his brother was still busy giving the woodlander horse a truly royal treatment.

"Sure," Kili said, without interrupting his work. "I am sorry I walked off like this, brother but I needed to cool my heels, before really taking it out on someone who had no fault in this."

"I'd rather you rage at me, than just walking off," Fili said. "It's not like you were ever fast enough to really hit me, little bro."

Now Kili put the brush aside and turned to him. "Never," he said. "I won't hurt my friends just to let my temper out, I will have to learn to control it better, I can't go about flying into rages."

"You never hurt me," Fili said, surprised on how much control Kili displayed. What had happened to him? "even when you were screaming at me with rage because Uncle Thorin had your hide for something."

The memory made Kili smile a little. "I am not that child anymore, brother. I can't be that boy any longer… and while you were always there to take the brunt of my anger," he closed the gap between them and put a hand on Fili's shoulder. "I'd rather not unjustly berate you anymore. You are my brother."

"You were very hard on Nori," Fili began. "I won't justify what he said… but you were very hard on him. And you were not telling something… much as you tried to hide it behind well-chosen words."

The brunette shook his head. "I spared them the gruesome details, and while I am willing to overlook the attack, because Nori was grieved, but he has to accept what happened before we continue." He returned to brushing the horse, the way he worked the coat would be all shiny like it may have never looked before.

"What did happen, Kili?" Fili could see that his brother was carrying something with him, something that pained him and he did not allow himself to speak of it. "What happened that you won't tell them?"

Kili only shook his head. "I can't Fili." He told his brother. "I can't."

The blond dwarf stepped closer to give him a one-armed hug. "Of course you can. I will not repeat it to anyone. On my father's blood, I swear it."

Their eyes met and Kili saw the seriousness in Fili's eyes. He had never said such a thing before and he meant it, he would share the secret and keep it silent. Suddenly the young Prince felt exhausted his heart empty. "I said the truth, Fili, Ori could not control his fall like we others did, we all landed on our feet, Dwalin pushing me away from the cave wall, or I'd have another scratch to show for it. But Ori… he landed on his back, even on normal rock ground he might have smashed his spine, but… he was impaled on a rock spike, right through midriff and lower chest. He was dying and in agony…"

Fili could see the cruel choice that had befallen the three others and Kili having to take the responsibility. "You spared him more suffering." He said, wondering what the big secret was. "He would have been grateful for that."

"No," Kili said. "he… he was not ready, Fili, not for any of this." He leaned a bit on Fili's arm, just glad he was here. "Do you remember that first journey with Thorin, when we both were so afraid?" he asked suddenly.

"How could I forget?" Fili asked. "Instead of comforting you, he gave you that long dagger and told you that no one of Durin's line was a coward, and that you would stand watch and fight to defend yourself like a dwarf should, otherwise you'd be a simpering piece of garbage. I was so furious at him, I actually screamed murder and hit him."

"You did," Kili well remembered his furious older brother, having a first class row with their Uncle. "But… Fili, Thorin was right. He did not coddle us, he did not pretend he would always be there to protect us, he did not say things would be fine. He gave us a blade and taught us to use it; he showed us how to deal with cruelties and how to stand on our own two feet. And… and Dwalin taught us how to face death." It was not an idle boast, it had been the bald warrior who had journeyed with them to the gap of Rohan back that year that had taught them to face the fear, to look death in the eye and not flinch. If Thorin had taught them to be leaders, Dwalin had taught them how to stand strong. "They taught us strength, harsh as it may have been; they made sure we were ready. Ori wasn't."

Fili understood what his brother was saying, Thorin had loved them, given them a home and been there for them, but he had also shaped them much like a blacksmith shaped the blade on his anvil, and sometimes the blows of the hammer had been painful, but it had made them the dwarves they were today. "There was no shame to that, Ori was young." He defended the scribe. "He was brave enough to come."

"And I would not see his memory tarnished," Kili replied. "Which is why I will never tell what happened when he died." He straightened up. "He died bravely, facing the end as a dwarf should, speaking of his family at the very last."

"Thorin wants to send Dori and Nori away for what they did," Fili said. "And I do not condone what they said… calling you an…" he stopped, it was an unthinkable term Nori had used and there was no excuse for doing that. He wondered if he was even right trying to help them to stay with the company.

"Orc plaything." Kili repeated the words with icy calm, like they could not touch him. "I will talk to Thorin, Fili. Does that meet with your approval?"

Fili's heart clenched, when he suddenly found himself looking at a façade, from one moment to the next Kili had slipped into the stance of a warrior, a warrior prince even, and he still was willing to speak to Thorin, if only for Fili's sake, because Fili had asked it of him. "I would be glad if you did," he said honestly. "It would be cruel to send them away for words spoken in grief and anger. No one wants to be judged for the two or three most stupid things he ever said."

ADL

Balin had heeded Fili's request to wait, even as he did not see much hope in it. He knew his King too well, if Thorin made such a call he was rarely dissuaded. But it was not for him to say, not with Thorin's nephew asking him. Fili was an alliance builder; often balancing the tempers of his family with the tempers of those who chose follow them. So he had seen to dissolving the whole crowd, sending them back to their preparations and asking Boromir to aid Bifur on something, the human warrior understood enough Khuzdul and Iglishmek to get along with Bifur. Thus he got a chance to talk to Dwalin alone.

The greeting of the brothers had been much less loud and obvious, in fact, with the way Thorin had greeted Dwalin when they arrived, one might have thought those two brothers, instead of Balin and Dwalin, who left it at a short clasp of forearms. This did not mean that Balin was not glad to see his brotherwas alive, he was happy to see him having come back from another hair-brained adventure unscathed and in one piece. Only Balin had always known that Dwalin's life was given to another and would be sacrificed if necessary. He had seen his younger brother be trained for such a task from the time Dwalin could walk on his own. Their family had been of respected nobility at Erebor, not a major house but a house well respected. Their eldest brother Daroin had won his way into King Thror's personal guard through sheer bravery and great deeds. Nearly seven decades older than Balin, Daroin had been something of their childhood hero, and a mentor. Balin had followed his footsteps to learn the ways of war, even as his talents ran more towards administration and the law, and he ultimately followed that call that would lead him to a seat on the Council of Justice in Erebor. When Dwalin had been small Balin had assumed that he would learn a craft, as would have been proper and a good way for a youngest son. But then, when Dwalin had been seventeen two things had happened, the first thing was the death of their father Fundin, who had died at the blessed age of 258 years. The very same year Prince Thorin had been born to Thrain and Thulfa.

Daroin had taken care of his brothers, encouraging Balin to continue his studies of the law, while he had taken Dwalin to train for war, to one day serve the young Prince. It was not unusual that such decisions were made early, because training for such a coveted position took years, but this had been different. From that day Dwalin had been trained for one task, and one alone, fighting for the royal house and his future Prince and Daroin had been a fierce, unforgiving mentor. Aside of fighting, weapons and strategy he had instilled a firm loyalty into Dwalin. When Thorin grew older and actually befriended Dwalin, unfitting a companion he seemed to make, Dwalin's own heart had taken to that loyalty with an absolute devotion.

Balin had seen it, had known his brothers both would live and die at their King's command, and he was at peace with that. Fretting, grudges or whining about such things were unworthy, it was something Daroin had taught him, first through words and example, and in the end through the brave end Daroin had found the day the dragon came. So when he and Dwalin greeted each other, there were no hugs or fierce embraces, just a friendly handclasp, signaling they both were fine and alive, having come through another deadly scrape. It was enough.

"Thorin should skin those two little bastards," Dwalin grumbled, still not calm about events at their return. "They dishonor their brother's memory the way they behave. What are they thinking?"

"They are hurt and pained, brother. They could not be there when Ori needed them and now they have lost him." Balin reminded Dwalin gently. "Losing a brother is a cruel blow."

Dwalin scoffed. "I can't remember you wailing the day Daroin died," he reminded Balin. "We said a blessing for him once we had the chance and went on."

"Brother," Balin could see that Dwalin was genuinely upset this time. He had always been something of an older friend or Uncle to Dis' sons. Secretly Balin always wondered if Dwalin, who had forgone the comforts of family, found some semblance of it in the two boys, who had hero-worshipped the scarred warrior from childhood. But this was different, and Balin could not discern how. "We both knew Daroin's life was given to his king, he died defending Thror and Erebor… we both knew that and had accepted it. It is different for Dori and Nori."

"They joined the King's quest against the dragon and did not know they signed up for death?" Dwalin shook his head. "The more the fools they are, it's better we get rid of them here before we reach the mountain."

"You do not believe we stand a chance," Balin was surprised; it would be rare case when they judged a situation the same way. Usually Dwalin did not question Thorin's decisions and would call any sign of doubt quitter-talk or defeatism.

His brother crossed his arms in front of his chest. "No, I did not say that. No son of Fundin signs up for fool's errands, not even kingly ones. I believe it can be done… Mahal, I am sure our young Prince will bring down the beast, after what I saw in the shadow of the mountain I truly believe in him. But no dragon ever went down without extracting a price in blood. Smaug will die, brother, that damn lizard will feel the wrath of Durin's blood." True fire shone in Dwalin's eyes. "But I do not believe that we all will still be standing when that battle ends and I am fine with that. If I die to see the dragon fall, I will smile at death."

Understanding dawned for Balin, his brother was less upset with the brother's pain but with their disrespect for Thorin's heir. Now, that was quite the change. Not all that long ago Dwalin had called Kili an imp, who would be the death of this old warrior with his antics and Kili had called him "Mister Dwalin" in respect. But the journey under the mountains had changed them; he saw honest conviction in Dwalin's eyes. His brother truly believed Kili could do this. Balin knew it would not do to ask his brother what had transpired, Dwalin had never been good at expressing his thoughts, let alone his feelings in such a manner. "Then we will have to wait what Fili can do for them with Thorin."

ADL

Kili had washed up before finding Thorin. He still felt the welts on his back but most of them had scapped over by now and were healing well. He did not waste thoughts on them anymore. He was gladder he had found a number of thick leather bands which he had woven into a wristguard for his left arm, to protect against the hard impact of the steel bow string of the black bow. Using it unprotected during their flight had left him with enough marks there. He found Thorin outside, near the orchard where he had conversed with their host. Kili waited at a distance until their talk was done and then joined Thorin. "I am hearing you are dismissing Dori and Nori," he observed.

"So Fili went to you," Thorin's stance shifted slightly, creating a distance. "He pleaded their case with me already."

"If you made him truly plead, then it was more than they were worth," Kili said dryly. "Still, I can't help but agree with him. We can't afford to lose two fighters; it is still a long way to Erebor."

Thorin studied him shrewdly. "You do not agree with Fili, but you promised him to intercede with me for him." He said directly. "You do this for him."

"And if I were?" Kili shot back. "He is smarter at building alliances than we both are, he knows how to not alienate people, how to reconcile them and he has not one shred of our dratted haughtiness. We should listen to him."

"You think I am haughty?" Thorin's eyes narrowed slightly.

"We both are." Kili said. "We'd rather tell someone to get lost, than make the effort to reconcile with them, we are choosey on whom we deem worthy of our esteem or even our camaraderie and those who fall short we'll keep at a distance. Oh, we will do our damn duty, we don't shirk work, but if I asked you if you'd take advice from Bombur or Bofur…"

"Only on mining, where Bofur is concerned and I think I would trust Bombur's advice on food." Thorin pointed out. "And I value them more than I may show, Kili. But Dori and Nori assume too much and they crossed a line. Just because they are illegitimately related to us, it does not give them the right to call you out… or use that word."

Kili shrugged coldly. "It's just words, spoken in anger and pain; it is my choice if I let it hurt me, or pay them any heed."

"You would truly give them another chance?" Thorin asked, he still could see that Kili was doing this because his brother had asked it of him.

"Aye," Kili said. "It will be a good thing to heal this company, best that we still can."

Pride welled up in Thorin, not so much for Kili's decision, he disliked the idea, but that Kili was willing to stand his ground, to have a matter discussed with him like a grown warrior. "Then let us go and put this matter to rest."

Together Father and Son returned to the house where the others were assembled. Thorin's glance found Dori and Nori, who looked ready for another round of confrontations. "I am not happy with your conduct earlier today," he said evenly. "But I do understand that you are still grieving for the loss of Ori. If you wish to remain part of this company, you will be welcome."

Dori pulled himself up to his full height. "You assume much, too much, Thorin." He said coldly. "You would not rescind your words if not your little favorite had begged you to," he cast a nasty glance to Fili, before Nori pushed two sets of contracts into Kili's hands. "There, we don't want them anymore. Cursed the day we signed up with you." They walked past them and out, the door closing heavily behind them.

ADL

Evening found Fili outside the house, near the tripod with the burning remains of the contracts. The young dwarf was down heartened, he had pleaded with Thorin, talked Kili into speaking to Thorin against Kili's own convictions… and all for nothing. He could understand their pride, but putting pride before so many more important things? No.

"It's getting dark, Fili, you shouldn't be out." Bofur had come outside for him. The miner walked up to him, his eyes finding the tripod.

"They made their choice, Fili… they spoke the irrevocable words, much as you tried to save them. It happens sometimes, and it's better to part ways than live with the hatred left and right."

"You sound like you know," Fili replied, hearing that Bofur was not trying to just comfort him.

"Aye, there aren't many dwarves comfortable around Bifur, since he suffered the head injury. My brother and me have often wandered on; when we weren't welcome any longer because Bifur was with us. Whenever we tried to stay, things got ugly. You tried to make this work, Fili, you were honorable. But they chose their path and it isn't ours."

Tiredly Fili smiled at him. "You are wise, Bofur." He said as they turned to leave the fire alone.

"Wise, me?! No, way. I leave that to my betters," Bofur teased him as he led him back inside.

Author's Notes

Thanks for Harrylee94 for patience, advice and reading all my early morning writings, even when I don't know if they are any use.