In one single second, my whole world, the reality I had tried so hard to keep alive in my head for the past two years was crushed and stepped on. I fell on the steps I was standing on and Heine grabbed my arm, to stop myself from knocking my head over the hard porch of the Chairman's mansion and he pulled me in a tight embrace, though it didn't stop me from sinking lower. Time had stopped and my eyes didn't focus anymore. My sight was at lost between the nice ocean view and the growing tears in my eyes. Heine didn't have the need to say much because I knew deep down, that he didn't know what to say. I felt humiliated, completely fooling and utterly... desperate. It has been such a long time... since I had felt that way. I was back there. Back where I didn't or wouldn't control anything anymore. I was back there and I couldn't do anything about it for I didn't care anymore. I got up and looked away from Heine.
"I'm so sorry I have to put you through this, Commander Westenfluss. It won't happen again, I promise. I think... I think I'm going to get a bit of rest. Yes, that will do me good. I'll see you tomorrow." I said my voice cold and my skin full of goose bumps. He noticed the sudden change of behaviour and frowned. "Kim? Is... Everything... alright... up there?" he said, pointing at my head. It wasn't indelicate, I said to myself. After all, he was trying to ease the situation. "I still have my head were it should be... after all, what am I to expect? I am just a soldier... I've never been much different for the last several years... and it's always going to be that way, isn't it?" I said, fighting the emptiness of my words and the tears wanting to roll down my cheeks.
"I guess you can say that... but are you sure you want... to be alone in a time like this?" he asked, always so politely and warm hearted. I quickly turned around and went back inside, where no one could see my distress. I clung to the walls, pretty much because I was dizzy and unaware. I looked around and tried to find my room, but it was higher in the mansion. I quickly took the elevator and it went up automatically, like it read my mind. My breathing was heavy and my arms felt like they were weighing at least a ton or two. I was feeling bizarre and I didn't like it. I wasn't a pleasant feeling: I was having something, something I've never experienced before. It was a broken heart. I needed to call someone. I wanted to call someone but who would listen to such a stupid girl that was thrown away by her fiancé? Who would, in a time like this? No one would.
When I reached my room, I pressed my hand on the unlocking system and the door made a distinct "click". I was about to reach for the inside when I heard boots, army boots ticking in the corridor, not far from where I was. I slowly focused my sight on the sound and found myself face to face with Shinn, his eyes looking directly into mine. "Kim, what are you...? What happened to you?" He asked, his voice crashing in my ears. "Just... Just go away." I said, opening my door and he quickly followed me inside. I was about to turn around and push him out when he grabbed my waist and pulled me to his tight chest, my head resting on his shoulder. I tried to push him away again but he wouldn't budge. It was turning in a ugly fight and I punched him in the stomach and he finally released his grasp. I quickly reached for the nightstand, where a gun was awaiting and pulled it out, pointing at the confused teen. "Of all time, you had to come tonight! Oh, I would like to pull the trigger, this time, Shinn Asuka!" I nearly screamed, Shinn backing away.
"Put the gun down, Kim! You're obviously upset about something! Let me help you!"
"I don't need your help! I don't need anyone! I'm feeling like a crazy bitch tonight, so I suggest you fuck off before I blow off your pretty little head! That's an order!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, tears of anger blurring my vision. My long ebony hair had fell on my shoulder and my bangs were almost covered my eyes now. I was furious. I wanted to kill him so much. I wanted someone to hurt more than me. I wanted to see him dead because he reminded me of him. My hand was now shaking and my aim was messed up. I dropped the gun and gave up. I didn't have the strength to pull this one off. I just looked at him and silently pleaded him to leave me alone.
"It's about him, right? He hurt you, I would bet." He said. He was convenient enough not to even mention his name. I fell on my bed and let my head fall on the pillow harshly, the pain ripping my insides. I couldn't accept the fact that he had let me go for another one after all we had been through. I couldn't imagine him with another one but me but he did still. I couldn't keep away the anger and the rage anymore but I wanted to control it so much... I gripped the sheets of the bed and closed my eyes shut, letting the memories flash by inside my head. My body was now inert, thrown ahead in the moments that defined my happiness with him. His soft voice was like a melody to my ears and I could remember everything, starting to the conflict in the Desert, when I first officially met him to the last time we saw each other, the last time we made love. I had sunk into a deep sleep and didn't want to wake up, to reality.
When my eyes opened, it was all over. The dreams, the happiness, everything was gone like the wind. My head was empty and my room also. He was gone. Shinn was gone. I didn't expect him to stay and to watch me sleep or whatever I did to make my body stop from auto destructing. I sat up and felt a blood rush coming over to my eyes and head. I took a quick shower and while the hot water dripped in my body, I looked at the white gold right with a hexagon shaped diamond. I frowned and hit my head on the shower wall. I left the right on the counter and left the bathroom. I quickly dressed up and exited the room, feeling... empty. I couldn't describe the sensation of being alone, this much alone. It felt... quite familiar. I didn't need to cry anymore: I didn't feel sad. I was just... so angry. I walked in the corridor and saw Lunamaria in front of Athrun's room, ready to knock. When she caught my sight, she smiled.
"Good morning, Commander Desjardins. I was knocking to ask Athrun to come to breakfast with me. Do you want to join us?" she asked.
"No. I was just passing by..." The door suddenly opened and to my surprise, it was Lacus Clyne, or more like Meer Campbell, who had opened the door. I frowned and Lunamaria's eyes went round. What in the world...? Don't tell me...! No! "Oh, good morning! What can I do to help you?" asked Meer in her pink and faux fur nightgown, her long pink hair resting on her back. It nearly took everything from me not to punch her perfect face in. If she took advantage of Athrun... it would break my sister's heart... and that would mean trouble. Behind Meer appeared Athrun Zala half naked, something I never really intended to experience but I figured it couldn't be helped. "I-I was ju-just wonder-ring if Commander Athrun wan-wanted to j-join me for breakfast...? Asked Lunamaria absently, taken aback by Meer's beauty, which I found more annoying than anything. I was now glaring at the woman standing in front of us but she didn't seem to even notice it.
"Oh, it's very nice for you to ask, but Athrun and I were going out of lunch... in private. But you're really nice to ask, the invitation is really appreciated. Have a good day!" she said, about to close the door but I put my foot to prevent it from closing. I turned to Lunamaria and strictly said: "You're dismissed now. Off you go." She saluted me and eyed Meer angrily, turning her head and walking away. I reopened the door and slightly pushed Meer out of the way so I could see Athrun's blushing like crazy face. "What the hell is this all about?" I asked, looking out for both of them.
"Miss Desjardins, I would gladly ask you to leave the room so Athrun and I can..." she started but I quickly glared back at her and shouted: "Shut the fuck up you whore! The real Lacus Clyne would never do such a thing! Never...! Now get out of here before I seriously hurt you!" She quickly grabbed her stuff and left the room in a hurry, leaving Athrun and I alone. He sighed. "Thank you, Kim. This was really... embarrassing... What a dumbass! I mean, she was there when I woke up! I swear it's not what it looks like." He said, dressing up. You fucking better mean it. I'm in no mood to punch the living daylight out of you today, Athrun. You better not have fucked this chick because I will kill you. I decided to stay silent and exit the room to directly go down to the lobby, where I was instructed to wait for upcoming news. As I walked down the flight of stairs leading to the main floor, I saw in the distance Shinn and Lunamaria walking side by side, silent. Of course, we still had the day off but we had to meet, everyone here had to meet another FAITH member, apparently staying here, in the Chairman's personal hotel. I could still feel the numbness in my eyes from my crying and vivid dreaming. I noticed Heine was sitting there, drinking a warm cup of coffee, wearing his elite uniform... with a FAITH crest on it. Oh! So Heine's this person we have to meet... I never really noticed why he's been here. After all, I barely know him... When the red head saw me, he waved hello and I cheaply and shyly smiled back at him. I had a nervous breakdown with the guy, damn it! He would just deny it and probably think that life goes on.
"Hi there, Commander Desjardins. It's a beautiful day outside, isn't it?" he asked, trying to evade the obvious subject.
"Yes, the sun is finally coming out... It's going to be a beautiful day." I said, cutting out my daydreaming or my insanity. I looked outside and it really was beautiful, not weather you would expect after a harsh breakup. But I felt like rain inside: I felt more like a hurricane, blowing away everything in its path until nothing harmful is standing anymore. When Shinn and Lunamaria arrived next to Heine and I, they were finished talking about how Chairman Durandall couldn't stay longer and that he had to leave for the PLANTs again. There was still one more person missing for this meeting: it was Athrun Zala, who I imagined lying on his bed, tired of being the awesome person he is. I rolled my eyes and immediately thought of Cagalli, my dear sister. What would she have said? What would have been her reaction to this morning's situation with Meer? Would she have done the same thing as I have: just shut the fuck up? I was deeply in thoughts when I saw Shinn's gaze upon me. I immediately looked away, afraid he might take this long stare into something that is not. But he never ceased to look, his blood red eyes penetrating my every defence, one by one. Heine broke the silence harshly.
"Hey you two. I suppose you're from Miss Desjardins's team, am I right? You guys are all on board, on the Minerva? Where's the other FAITH member that's supposed to be with you guys?" Lunamaria blushed at the sight of such a handsome man and saluted. "Excuse my manners. Good morning to you, sir." Shinn, snapping out of his staring contest, also saluted. Heine smiled and I followed. "This is my subordinates, Mister Westenfluss: Lunamaria Hawke and... Shinn Asuka, red uniforms assigned to the Minerva." I was about to talk again when I heard her annoying voice: Meer Campbell, the bitch who was trying so much to impersonate my dear Lacus Clyne. Her loud, childish giggles irritated and aggravated me to a point where I just wanted to pick her eyes out and to punch her pretty little face until she said "sorry auntie."
"... This soldier's face turned to a bright shade of red!" she exclaimed, holding Athrun's arm, like he was hers. I looked at Lunamaria and rolled my eyes ever so discreetly but she didn't want discretion: she heavily sighed out of annoyance and crossed her arms. She had seen the way Meer was prancing around Athrun and that infuriated Lunamaria, which, I believed, had a deep crush for Athrun. I was surrounded by crazy fan girls. "Ah, never mind... I get the picture now..." trailed off Heine, apparently uncomfortable with this situation. He rose off his chair and looked into Athrun's direction, saying: "A pleasure to see you this morning, Miss Lacus." Athrun, also very annoyed by this whatnot bitch, saluted the FAITH member and smiled.
"Hello! Good morning!" said Meer, jumping around to get to Heine, which simply smiled back.
"Miss Lacus. I should say your show was quite a... success. The soldiers on the base were completely blown away by your performance. Something such as this little thing can help with everyone's morale." He said politely, trying to be as formal as possible.
"Did you enjoy my performance, Mister Heine?" she asked ever so childishly.
"... Of course! Like everybody here!" he said, not knowing what to say or more like hiding the real truth: her songs were damaged by her abnormal personality and...well, simply by the fact that she's not what she seems to be: a complete moron. "There was so much going on yesterday that I am afraid we were never really introduced." Said Heine, looking out at Athrun and leaving Meer beside Shinn.
"Special forces. I'm Heine Westenfluss. It's a pleasure to meet you, Athrun." He said, offering his hand for a friendly shake.
"Nice to meet you too. Athrun Zala..." he said, shaking the red head's hand.
"Yeah, I know. You're a celebrity. Although I heard you just recently returned to ZAFT. You used to be with the Le Creuset team, right?" I cringed at that maniac's name. "I was assigned to the Hawkins team during most of the Great war. You and I probably crossed paths at Jachin Due..." he said but was interrupted by Meer's bodyguards, who asked her to follow them. Resiliently, she went away, pleasing me with her departure.
"I can see you two are really close..." stated Heine, making me twitch.
"What...? Well, we're not that close...!" quickly replied Athrun.
"Well, for my part, I see nothing wrong with it. If you ask me, it's a wonderful thing. So... you four and that blond fellow I met yesterday... that's makes five of you... You are the Minerva's pilots. The Impulse..." said Heine, pointing at Shinn. "A Zaku Warrior..." he continued, pointing at Lunamaria. "...The Saviour..." he said, pointing at Athrun. "...And the Victoire." He finished with me with a brilliant smile. "And the last one... pilots a Blaze Zaku Phantom." Said Heine, meaning Rey Za Burrell. "Yes...!" we said, speechless by this man's knowledge. "And you guys are members of FAITH, the Captain too." Finished Heine, concluding his analysis.
"Yes, that's right." Said Athrun.
"Despite your numbers, you actually have a lot of fighting capacity and strength. So, why is the Chairman assigning me to such a powerful ship...?" said Heine, wandering off in his thoughts. I gasped. What? Heine's assigned to the Minerva? Like, now? How is that even possible? With a lot of "what?", our team stayed silent, dumbfounded.
"You're assigned to our ship?" asked Athrun. "Yeah, it looks that way. Once I return to duty, that is. I'll be visiting the ship later to formally introduce myself. You know, this could be a pain in the ass, having four members of FAITH on the same ship... Oh, not to worry. On the front lines, we go where we are sent. The people calling the shot have a completely different view of the situation. Anyway, I look forward to work will all of you. The Chairman has high hopes for this ship. Let's try our best not to disappoint him, shall we?" he asked of all of us.
"Yes, sir. We'll certainly do our best." Replied Athrun, a little bit happier. Athrun had to be present to Meer's departure for the PLANTs and of course, we had to be present. Heine went outside and didn't reappear so I rolled my eyes again and followed Athrun, Shinn and Lunamaria outside, where the Pink Princess's chopper was waiting for her. Meer, always so pushy, tried to kiss Athrun on the mouth, which completely pissed me off. Of course, we stayed a bit afar from the scene. I stood beside Lunamaria and he muttered things only we could know, Shinn a couple of meters from where we were standing. Athrun, angrily pushing her away, sent her in the chopper and she was gone to another world where she could sing happily ever after, imitating after the real Lacus Clyne.
"Well, she's gone. I wonder what I should do for the rest of the day...!" loudly sighed Lunamaria, obviously still upset. I followed her silently, followed by Shinn and Athrun. We got back in and Lunamaria talked about wanting to do something nice outside, for once. Of course, she was implying being with Athrun, but my buddy was completely oblivious to it. "Oh, and maybe I should just go back to the ship..." she said.
"Oh, why don't you go with Shinn?" said Athrun, definitely setting her mood to zero. As we entered the elevator, Lunamaria was fuming, Shinn was confused, Athrun was oblivious and I was the only one not giving a fuck. The ride up was completely out of my league and I decided to stay silent beside Shinn because Lunamaria was bickering about Athrun spending time with that twit Meer.
"You know what? Maybe you've had a bit too much of relaxing, Commander Zala. You know, with Lacus. In my opinion, maybe you should to her and become her bodyguard." Said Lunamaria, referring to his old job as Cagalli's bodyguard. Oh, bam. Athrun was in shock and Shinn and I just completely out of this conversation.
"But you're a member of FAITH, so no one's going to say anything. At least one FAITH member in this dumb elevator has some sense..." she said and walked off when the elevator doors opened. "Now wait a minute, Lunamaria!" screamed Athrun, this time pissed off for good. She had struck a sensitive point and Athrun knew it wasn't going to be unpunished. "You can go now, Shinn." Said Athrun, pushing him away from this situation. "Oh, okay." He simply said, walking away. I stayed behind Athrun just to make sure this wasn't going to explode out of hand.
"So, are you going to hit me now?" she angrily asked, her bright purple eyes shining with pride. Athrun, having his load of shit for the day, was about to raise his hand when I swiftly grabbed it and pulled his arm behind him, causing him pain. I pushed him on the wall and he stayed there, completely phased by what just happened. "Are you out of your mind? Are you hitting on women, now?" I asked him, putting him back into his righteous mind. "Are you out of your mind? I was about to point with my finger, not to hit! What's wrong with you?" screamed Athrun. Lunamaria had experienced two FAITH members pushing themselves around and it was a bit of a shocker for her. "Oh, I'm sorry, Athrun. Who knows when you're about to explode when you feel like we offended poor Lacus Clyne!" I said, obviously giving him attitude to lure Lunamaria away. She took the opportunity and quickly ran for it.
"What are you talking about?" he asked.
"You're fucking that whore while my sister thinks she's engaged to you! And you try to protect that slut? How dare you? Do you want to end up dead?" I asked him, now rising my fists to show the aggression.
"I didn't sleep with Meer, damn it! Why can't you believe me?" he continued.
"Hello? She was wearing the most outrageous outfit when she opened the fucking door! She was more than half naked and was in your bed before Lunamaria knocked! I'm not a fool, Athrun! Who do you think I am?" I screamed, walking off.
"Kim, wait! I swear to God this is not what it looks like!" he said, trailing behind me. I was about to exit the mansion when the clerk ran in front of me, holding my engagement right. I almost puked at the sight of it. "Commander Desjardins! You forgot this in your bathroom! The cleaning lady picked it up for you!" he said, wearing a smile. Athrun finally reached to me and put a hand on my shoulder to spin me around when he saw his ring. "Dispose of it." I asked.
"What? But, this ring is beautiful! How can you even think of...!" the clerk started.
"I said dispose of it!" I loudly whispered because everyone was looking at me.
"...Of course, ma'am." Was all he said before he left to serve another client. I knew I was going to never hear the end of it but I pushed Athrun away but he grabbed once again. "Kim! You're engagement right? I don't understand!" he asked, almost hurt. I knew the tears were building up and I also knew I couldn't escape it. "Athrun: the man is now engaged to another woman. I am no longer with him... It's over."