THANK YOU SO MUCH TO alliekatness AND MIA FOR THEIR KIND AND INVIGORATING REVIEWS! They warm my heart and fuel my determination in more ways than you can imagine! ~sniffles!~ My sincerest gratitudes! Now.. ON TO THE NEXT CHAPTER!
The first thing you notice in your consciousness is the sound of your breathing, immediately following the sound of nothing else. You slowly open your eyes, finding a familiar darkness surrounding you. Your feet touch solid ground, and although you are able to perceive yourself in perfect clarity, you cannot see anything else in the void.
A calm, almost meditative peace fills you, and you know you are once again within the confines of your mind.
You glance downward, and you notice a ripple has formed beneath the soles of your feet.
Something small shines from deep below, and you squint at it. The glowing light rises, and steadily, it breaks from the space beneath to hover in front of you. You wait patiently, examining the small orb as it continues to float in mid-air.
Slowly, the orb starts to shift. It expands and grows until your eyes can no longer endure its brightness. You shield your gaze with a hand, and when the light finally retreats, you bring your hand back down.
Standing in front of you in all her silver glory is Lyss herself. Her golden eyes are soft and gleaming, and her pearl colored hair falls in bellows around her form. Her skin is pale, glowing iridescent in the darkness.
You realize it has been quite some time since you last saw her fully formed. The sight of her is still a hair-raising experience, and a part of you dithers at the notion of having lived with such an other-worldly appearance. However, you are no longer awe-struck by her presence, having been acclimated to feeling her existence within your mind.
You study her face, finding it tentative. You wonder if you're holding a similar expression. "I guess this is it. It's about time I find out what you're really about."
Her eyes shine as they take in your resolve, and there is a slight hardening of her amber irises.
"I can still feel your reproach. Are you sure you're ready for this?"
You set your jaw. "I can sense the same discontent from you. But you're me, right? It's time we got past this." You square your shoulders. "Show me the part of my life I've been missing. Show me your true feelings."
The woman's gaze wavers, and she gives a ceding nod.
Lyss starts to glow. As she lifts a hand towards you, you find yourself doing the same. Then, as if watching a reflection, your hands touch in perfect synchronicity.
A link is created, sparking an explosion in your mind.
The darkness around you shatters.
You gasp out, your eyes flying open.
~…Your eyelids flutter, and you take in your first startling breaths.
The world of beauty and green shines around you, enveloping you with its radiance…~
~…The small hand twitches over your lap. The human child sighs in her slumber while she inches closer towards your warmth. You smile to the girl's young mother as she glances up from her scrawled notes of herbal medicine…~
People, places, sounds; all the memories Lyss ever had, ever lived through, rampage across your vision in a frenzy of spasmodic images.
~…You lift your head to the skies, watching the malevolent darkness swallow all light with a torn heart …~
~… Inani sighs, her eyes sweeping softly over you. You can't help but feel the unwanted pity shining from her gaze. "You won't be able to help them, Lyss. They're already too far gone…"~
~… A savage cry splits the sky.
It is too late.
You are too late.
Inani grasps your hand. She knows you want to go to them.
The Wikkōn you knew as Urya is already gone, consumed by the twisting madness spilling from his agony. Grisly moans slip between his lips.
Kaani lays flayed and carved within his arms, bleeding from lacerations made of human weapons…~
Tears flow from your eyes.
~… The other Wikkōn look to you silently. Some hold faces of dismay; most are downcast with grief.
Inani stands at the back of the fey court, her gaze appraising. While her eyes shimmer with some sort of sentiment, you cannot read her thoughts.
Everyone is waiting for your next words.
You stare across the hall into the eyes of your brethren, your brothers and sisters, your family.
"I choose to stay."
A few start to shake their heads, and you square your shoulders.
"Not because I am under duress from the humans or the angels, not because I cannot feel gratitude to the Seelie Court for housing us in our time of need, and certainly not because I resent your decisions. I am staying because I believe there are things still worth saving… and that they can be saved. This is my choice, and I am fully cogent of the consequences that will come with it. Please allow me the freedom to pursue my wishes…~
~…You grit your teeth, gripping the flaming blade over your wrist. You close your eyes and utter your vow.
The blade hums as it receives your oath, transforming your heart's wish into a symbol, hovering ablaze at the silver tip. You slide the singeing edge over your flesh, gasping as it imprints the vow into your body, your bones, your soul…~
Lyss' thoughts, her decisions, her emotions, her hopes and fears sear through you, melding into your soul, filling a void like a long lost puzzle piece. Her spirit courses through you, and you're brought to your knees from her experiences… your experiences.
How have you kept this part of yourself separate for so long? How have you been able to choose to reject these memories?
Your heart aches as liquid warmth overruns your being. Sweet bitterness from long lost yearning. Yearning for cognizance, yearning for completeness.
Tears flow free and unrestrained down your cheeks. The anguish of your darker memories and the solace of your final merge coil and melt into one another, spiraling your senses into overwhelming rapture.
Your back arches, and you take in a deep breath.
The peak of your delirium crashes forth a discharge of sporadic energy, and the gush of power engulfs the meditative confines. The space around you morphs, unable to contain the violent and momentous life force.
A distinct ripping noise clamor into your consciousness before it is completely overtaken by the sound of a thrashing hurricane.
You sense yourself propelled upwards, as though you were swallowed into the belly of a gargantuas beast and are now being expelled.
The feel of water invades your awareness, pushing and slushing against your form. Your body continues to ascend further and further until you finally break the surface of the spring.
You throw your head back in desperate gasps, drinking in the air as if it is your first.
You have done it. You are whole once again.
Falling back into the waters, your tired mind tries to keep itself conscious. You start to drag your body towards the banks, fighting back the crippling heaviness of exhaustion. Each minute ripple seems to haul you back with the force of a tidal wave. After a final heave, you throw your torso over the grassy banks. Your chest palpitates with fatigue, and you find the ground so, so soft. Your vision begins to blur, and you don't even care that half of your body is still immersed in the spring. You can't fight sleep anymore. As your heavy lids fall to a close, you barely register the branches of the closest tree start to bow towards you.
XXX
~With Castiel~
A dying screech pierces the air, and the flash of white light fades.
Castiel takes his hand from the face of a 43-year-old truck driver, who had the misfortune of being possessed by a low class demon. The empty body sways then falls back in a lifeless heap.
Castiel scowls. This is the fifth demon he has questioned and subsequently exorcized in pursuit of the Colt, and so far, all the angel has gotten for his efforts are jeers and insults.
The Winchesters told him the woman who stole the Colt from them had given the weapon to Lilith. And now that the demoness has perished, the gun must still be floating around with one of her underlings.
The angel sends his narrowed gaze across the starry horizon. It will be dawn soon. He glances down at his hand, now clenched in a fist. If he continues his current approach, he knows he will completely deplete his reserves long before their confrontation with Lucifer. But what choice does he have? They need the Colt. It could be their only weapon against the fallen archangel.
Shoving his hand into his coat pocket, he continues his trek down the secluded street. Demons have been frequenting the surface world much more brazenly since Lucifer's resurgence, which favorably or not, makes locating demons much easier. Now if only making one talk was as easy.
Castiel pauses as he turns the corner at the end of the road. The place feels familiar. He lifts his head to examine the buildings around him, and then realization dawns.
It seems so long ago, but it has only been half a year since he was last here. Standing across from him is a bricked three story building. As he gazes upon the top center window, he still remembers stationing behind its very frame, guarding the immortal as she packed her things.
This is Alice's apartment, even if she has not been there to use it in a while.
His gaze grows wistful, and he clenches his fist to quell the uprising of emotions.
Half a year.
Just half a year has passed since he arrived in the human realm, since he met Alice. The changes Castiel experienced in himself during such a short time are so momentous he doubts his old self would even be able to recognize him. He is scarcely able to recognize himself as he is. His expression turns grim. He doesn't know if these changes are positive or not, and it sends a wave of self-doubt through him. The only thing that anchors his constant unease is Alice's trust in him and his comradery with the brothers.
Among his mulling, something shifts in the corner of his gaze. His vision darts to the source.
Partly hidden in the shadows of a flanking alleyway is a young man wearing clothes that are not so different from what Sam and Dean would wear. Any other passerby would think the man is a college student out for a smoke, but Castiel knows different. He can see the man's true face, and the full demonic intentions leaking from his visage.
The two men lock eyes, being the only parties awake and about at this time.
Reviled at the presence of a demon so close to Alice's home, Castiel immediately materializes next to him. Before the demon could even understand what had happened, he is slammed across the coarse surface of the brick wall, tumbling further into the dark of the alleyway.
The demon splutters, trying to sit up. He bristles as he sees a pair of leather shoes enter his vision. His eyes snap up to find an icy blue gaze leering down at him. The demon curses his luck.
Castiel sends the hell's spawn a callous glare. He bends down and grabs the man by his denim collar, lifting him upwards as if he weighed nothing more than a bag of feathers.
"What are you doing here?"
Fear sparks in the demon's eyes. His mouth opens to an awkward and appeasing grin.
"Nothing! I swear! I was just looking for a place to rest!"
Castiel's glare intensifies, and he only presses the man deeper into the wall. A growing blemish appears at the man's throat.
"Lie to me one more time, and I'll show you what it feels like to burn."
The demon's hands shoot up in defense!
"All right! All right! I'm sorry! Lucifer has all of us keeping an eye out for the Winchesters, that's all. He's been having every demon working 24/7. I'm exhausted, and I was serious when I said I was just looking for a break! I'm just a grunt! I do what I'm told! I don't know anything else, I swear!"
Castiel narrows his eyes at the demon's squealing, but before he could utter another question, he senses another presence.
The demon's gaze flicker past Castiel to see the figures standing a few feet away.
The angel's insides tighten, and his lips press into a dismal line.
Castiel counts four of them. He is completely surrounded. He curses a blue streak in Enochian.
Dropping the petrified demon to a feeble lump on the ground, he turns around to face his new adversaries.
Standing at various heights and donning similar dark business suits are his angelic brothers and sister.
The one woman steps forward, asserting herself to be the leader of the group.
"Castiel. You've been cast from heaven, and your crimes are many. But if you tell us where the Winchesters are, you may be absolved of your sins yet."
Castiel glances down to the demon at his feet then to the angels around him. He calculates his chances.
Not good.
He grits his teeth. Even if he suddenly grabs the demon and flies away, they would only follow him. He passes from one visage to the next. Their cold and distant countenances reveal little of any familial bond there may be. He does not recognize any of these angels, and as he examines their stances at alert, they appear relatively green. Perhaps they could be reasoned with.
"If your leaders get their hands on the Winchesters, then all hell will consume this Earth. Whatever they've told you, their real goal is to destroy this world. This world that was created by our Father. Are you really prepared to let that happen?"
Castiel searches the faces of the four angels, trying to find any signs of doubt he may have sown.
Nothing. They all wear faces of steel.
The man to Castiel's left shifts his weight from one leg to the other. "Our leaders have not lied to us. We already know all of this. This planet should be destroyed and made anew… with that the humans have done to it."
Castiel frowns. Are there no other angels who share his sentiments? Theliel's face flashes across his memory, and his insides grow colder.
"I'd advise you to go. You won't be able to subdue me." It is a bluff, but only a half bluff.
The four angels exchange glances, returning with looks of clear disbelief. One of them even snorts.
"There's no use lying. We can see your waning grace. You're outnumbered four to one. You should just surrender and agree to our terms."
Another one advances, appearing to anticipate a fight with morbid excitement. "Whether you come willingly or not won't matter." He extends his right arm, materializing a silver blade into his hand. "I'm not against a little exercise."
Castiel scans the faces of the other angels: no signs of compromise. Their bodies tense with battle ready energy. His gut churns at what he might have to do. There is no convincing these angels. His right hand twitches, getting ready to summon his blade.
A brief moment of silent stand-off elapses.
With inhuman speed, Castiel grabs the demon and whips the body at two of the closest angels. They are taken by surprise, their blades flinging outward and piercing the demon's body in instinctive defense. The possessed young man howls out guttural cries before his throat quickly fills with blood. In the disarray, Castiel reappears behind the greenest looking recruit, thrusting his own blade into the man's heart. He gasps out, shock coloring his wide eyes. Castiel looks away to set his eyes on the angel beside him, still staring in a stupor at the sudden death of his comrade. Castiel steels himself.
There is no out running them. No holding back. This is the only way.
An explosion of white light bursts from his first victim. Using the blinding flash, he rounds the stunned angel with his blade readied.
All the other soldiers writhe back from the intense flash. The previously stunned seraph barely catches a glimpse of Castiel as he approaches. With squinting eyes, his arms shoot up to shield himself from the impending attack. The effort is futile as Castiel is far more versed in combat. His attack is coming from below, and the angel has just left his entire torso open.
The strike connects, the silver edge lodged deep within the sternum.
The flash has died down, and the man peers down his chest. His mouth opens, but no sound comes out.
Castiel's gaze is cold. When he feels the advances of the two other angels, having finally pushed the demon's body off, he jerks his blade free, just in time to parry two death blows. He grits his teeth. What he lacks in strength, he will have to make up for in cunning. He has been through far more battles, engaged with far more devious characters. He will use whatever he can, even if it means fighting dirty.
Castiel ducks down, but maneuvers his arm and blade so that they lock onto the weapons of his remaining two attackers. Unfamiliar with the technique, they're pulled forward in the momentum, losing their own footing. Castiel pivots and delves to the other side, producing his previous victim still in midst of convulsing in his place. He releases his lock on the two angels, and the three bodies collide.
The woman and man's eyes widen. Their comrade explodes with light.
Castiel snatches the opportunity. Both angels have left themselves completely vulnerable. The glint dances off his blood soaked blade, poised at a deadly edge, ready to slash the throats of both seraphs.
But the female reacts a second faster than expected. Realizing Castiel's plan, she pushes her comrade out of harm's way. But it is too late for her. The argent point carves across her throat, bearing deep into the skin and nearly severing the neck all together.
Castiel jumps back to regain his own balance. The two angels watch, one in grim silence, one in horrific disbelief.
The woman slumps to the floor. Just as her head hits the concrete, she screeches out, her angelic grace shattering from every pore of her body.
When all is silent and dark again, Castiel brings his leaden eyes over to the last contender.
He's tired. So tired.
He doesn't want to kill anymore. He doesn't want any more angel blood on his hands.
The young man peers over to Castiel, and what he perceives from his eyes makes his heart cringe. Castiel has never seen another angel regard him with such pure loathing.
"They were right about you… everything they said. You're a traitor. Murderer. You're no angel. You're a monster."
Castiel takes a step back.
Why can't they understand? He just wanted to protect this world. The humans deserve a chance to live.
His knuckles grow white under the shaking grip of his fingers. He glares at the angel, the angel who had scoffed at him only minutes ago, so sure that he and his comrades would win. Castiel's eyes turn pleading. "I'm just trying to protect what God created, what our Father created. We were made to protect it, to protect them."
"And where is he now?" He screams back. "Who protects us?!" The man pushes against the wall, rolling back his shoulders. His voice is low with malice.
Castiel holds his ground. "We're soldiers. We fight to protect others, not for our own survival, not for our own self-interest."
The man throws back his head in a rancorous laugh. "What utter hypocrisy! You're willing to turn against the will of heaven, against your own family, willing to kill your own brethren to satisfy this false belief of fulfilling God's wishes. He's gone, Castiel. What other evidence do we need to know that he no longer cares for any of his creations?! The only wishes you're fulfilling are your own!"
It isn't true.
Castiel's mouth becomes dry. "Leave. I don't want to fight you." His voice is grating and weak with fatigue.
The man's eyes flash. "Lucifer at least admits to going against God, to hating the humans. But you still hide behind this guise of a righteous warrior. It's repulsive! You're worse than the Devil, Castiel. God should have terminated your existence!"
Castiel's mouth twists into a visible grimace. His free hand plunges into the brick wall next to him. "Leave!"
The man's lips split into a most malignant smirk. "Right after I burn your life away!" He launches himself at Castiel, screaming with his weapon raised.
Castiel stands idle. His gaze is hidden under shadows.
A flash of silver, the clanging of a blade disarmed, and the sound of blood gurgling.
Castiel pulls his weapon out of the man's jaw, flinging a streak of red across the pavement.
The broken angel drops to his knees, then collapses to the ground.
He didn't even need to try.
The angel was still so young in comparison, and so blinded by rage. Castiel was able to knock the man's blade out of his hands without even looking.
The body beneath him shakes.
Castiel closes his eyes, slumping to the wall. He feels the rupture of angelic energy, its discharge, and then its dying fade.
Another angel is gone. Another angel is killed. Killed by him.
How many is it now? His own brothers and sisters?
Castiel gives out a stuttering gasp. There is a hollowness inside him, so dark and gnawing that it brings him to his knees. His hand grapples with the red bricks. He clenches his teeth against the crippling despair, the utter hopelessness. Is he to continue down this road? He can't. It just isn't possible. He'd rather die. He'd rather have Raphael burn him into oblivion again.
~… "Castiel. You have become more important to me than I could have ever imagined. So much so that it terrifies me. If I never visited that world, I would have remained confident. But now that I've… experienced that…" Her fingers tighten over the folds of his sleeves, and her eyelids fall heavy over her irises. "If I lose you again… I…"…~
Alice…
He can remember her touch, her embrace, her warmth, her desperation at the thought of losing him.
He wants to see her. He needs to see her. Now.
Castiel immediately searches for her presence, trying to latch onto her energy with a fierce determination. When he finally pinpoints her location, he pauses.
Alice is no longer in the western continent. Her light is drifting somewhere in the southern pacific.
Castiel double-checks himself. Isn't she supposed to be traveling with Sam and Dean? How has she journeyed so far in just a few hours? Even if she hopped on a plane right after he left, she would still be hovering somewhere over the edge of the country.
Castiel pushes himself up, using the wall as support. He takes a step forward, leaning away from the several dead bodies by his feet.
His immediate instinct is to go to her. He needs to make sure Alice isn't being taken against her will.
The angel halts.
If it is Zachariah's doing, he wouldn't make the mistake of leaving her energy unmasked.
Unease twists in his stomach, and he treads out of the alleyway and down the streets in an attempt to calm himself. He thrusts one hand into his pocket for his phone while the other passes over the bloody stains on his coat, rendering the crimson inexistent a second later. Taking out the device, he thumbs Dean's number on the screen and holds the phone to his ear. The dial tone sounds only twice before the call is received.
Dean's curious voice crackles from the speaker.
"Cass? You got news on the Colt already?"
Castiel dithers, only just remembering his original objective and the demon he failed to get answers from. "No. Where are you right now?"
There is a vocal pause, signaling Dean's search for the exact address of his location. "We're at a rest stop diner on highway 70 half way to Indianapolis. It's called Rover's Diner-"
Castiel is there immediately. Landing outside under the giant signboard remarking the name and location of the diner for passing travelers. He spies the two brothers sitting by the grand window near the entrance and marches towards them.
"I think the exact address is-" Castiel hangs up before the hunter could finish, feeling mildly vindictive doing so, after all the times Dean had hung up on him before leaving a proper notice. When Castiel pushes open the front door, there is a ringing from the overhead bell, announcing his presence to everyone in the room, which is, quite frankly, not many. Other than the aforementioned hunters sitting with surprise on their features (with Dean's mildly affronted), there is only one other man chewing soundly at his sandwich in a booth.
A lanky looking teen appears from behind the cash counter to welcome the angel, but is ignored.
Castiel strides swiftly towards the two hunters.
As expected, Alice is not with them.
"Hey, Cass. What's up?" Sam asks with soft alarm when he sees Castiel's tense, well, tenser form.
"Why isn't Alice with you? I thought you told me you were going on your next case together." It has been only hours since she was saved from Zachariah's grasp. She would be safer together with the brothers.
The angel ignores the growing smirk on the older Winchester's face, but is forced to give him attention when he speaks, slyness dripping from every word.
"Cass, relax. We were gonna go together, but Alice had a change of plans."
Sam slides an inquiring look to his brother's suggestive visage before passing the angel a more studious one. "Yeah. Alice told us about the friend who saved her. She said she had to go meet her in Chicago. She should be there now."
Castiel narrows his gaze. But Alice isn't in Chicago. He thinks back to the woman who had unexpectedly come to her rescue. If Alice is with her right now… he isn't sure if should feel relieved or weary. Alice seemed to trust her, but he knows almost nothing of the woman.
"Did she tell you anything else before she left?" Anything that would explain why she is in the middle of the pacific.
The brothers exchange unsure looks.
"Um…" Sam starts. "She told us about what she saw in the future. But I suppose she told you about that already."
Dean rubs the back of his neck in a low sigh. "Wish she told me earlier about meeting herself though… but I guess it doesn't really matter now." When he sees the astonishment in Castiel's eyes, he falters. Shifting glances to his brother, he surmises with a sinking discomfort that the immortal had, for some reason, left the angel out of the loop.
Oops.
"She what?"
The hunter had never heard him sound so murderous. He immediately raises both hands in defense of his own innocence. "Hey, don't shoot the messenger! I only just heard it from her this morning! If you have questions, just go to Chicago and ask her yourself!"
Castiel quickly reigns in his glare, realizing the brothers are faultless. But that doesn't curb his anger at the immortal's lie any less! She had told him she never met her future self. The angel grinds his teeth. Did she trust him so little? "What else did she say? Tell me everything." He had to work to keep his voice level and even then it sounded like a bark.
Sam is quick to jump in on his brother's behalf. "I'm sure there's a logical explanation as to why she didn't tell you, but maybe you should ask her for the details yourself?"
Castiel pins the taller man with a seething glower, shutting him up. "I have every plan to have her explain why it is she missed such a detail. But for tactical purposes, tell me everything now." Especially, if Alice decides to lie to him again.
Both men visibly gulp, spilling out every detail of their exchange with Alice before their departure. When they were finished, the angel is meagerly pacified. The brothers speculate that everything else must be in accordance to what Castiel already knows. The angel straightens, looking ready to depart.
"You're sure that's everything?"
Sam and Dean nod their heads vigorously.
"All right." Without another word, Castiel leaves.
When he is out the door, both hunters collectively let go of their breath.
"What the hell, Alice!" Dean hisses under his breath. "She shoulda warned us about tossing that grenade! Nothing's worse than a pissed off nerd angel." The man shakes himself of the harrowing tension.
Sam blows out a light breath, glancing out the window to the spot where their angelic friend vanished. "Maybe it was a miscommunication? Or maybe she just didn't think it was important enough to tell him?"
Dean passes him a skeptical look.
"Right." Sam nods. He didn't quite believe his own words either. "Well, in any case, I don't envy Alice's next meeting with Cass…"
Dean meets his brother with an affirming nod as both men proceed to offer a silent prayer for the unsuspecting immortal.
Sam clears his throat. "Let's finish our food and never speak of this again?"
"Amen, Sammy."
…
When Castiel arrives in the misty spring, his gaze finds the immortal immediately, burning as they trace over her form. However, seeing her, he is suddenly over-taken by a wave of longing. He watches her, her back curled over her legs as she sits by the water's bank.
His first instinct is to cross the space between them and scoop her up into his arms. He would hold her, touch her, tell her that he would do whatever she wanted, whatever she desired he would make true, so she'll never have to be afraid again. The desire to follow such thoughts is near unbearable, and the need is so strong it grates against his sanity.
Alice dips her head, a picture of vulnerability.
"Castiel…" she whispers out.
He can feel his world wrench upside down.
Her voice is listless. And in her weakest moment, she is thinking of him. This inconceivable creature, both lovely and daunting, powerful and weak. It fascinates and repulses him at the same time at how utterly entranced he was with her.
This is dangerous. She is dangerous.
Like fire, she is going to destroy everything about him, burn away all he believes is right and real until all there is left is her.
The change is immediate. His insides harden. His spirit hones to a dangerous edge, provoked by the treacherous implications of his thoughts.
After all, she still doesn't trust him. Her lack of faith clearly conveyed by her omission of such crucial details.
He gnashes his teeth, feeling an incomprehensible bitterness in his insides. He knows his powers are rapidly fading, and he knows she is concerned for his safety. But to exclude him simply because he was losing his angelic force! Did she really not believe in his abilities? He is a warrior of God! Not some burdensome weakling that needs constant protection! He will have her explain herself!
"Alice."
The sound comes out as a growl and it immediately snakes the immortal's attention.
Alice jumps up and whirls around, surprise etching into her features. Her eyes shine with a certain softness, and Castiel forgets himself. The look on her face is tinged with pleasant surprise, genuine and untainted. He suddenly finds himself unable to breathe.
What did he want to say to her? He was angry about something. He can't remember what.
She continues to stare back at him, but her expression changes. The previous wonder disappears from her gaze, replaced by perplexity and anxiety.
"… Castiel?"
The sound of his name rouses him from his stupor, and Castiel is cold at once. How was his mind altered so easily? It's then that he becomes aware of his surroundings. His eyes narrow into a frown, berating himself for being so careless.
The angel is standing among wildlife and flora, but there is an eerie power flowing in the backdrop. He is almost certain the strange energy is the culprit responsible for his muddled thoughts.
"What is this place?"
Castiel's eyes dart around the space, scanning for foreign dangers. Finding no immediate threat, they rest cautiously on the woman a few yards away.
Alice winces, overtly receptive to the hardened edge in his voice. "It's a faerie spring…" She grasps her hands, fingers pulling at one another. It is a telling habit she exhibits whenever she is nervous. "Uh… I didn't mean to summon you here…"
Castiel tenses. She thought she had called him here. Alice still isn't aware of his ability to pinpoint her location. What would have evoked guilt brought upon vindication instead. After all, did she not also harbour secrets from him? As he gazes upon her timid visage, he can only see culpability.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
A crease appears between her brows. "Didn't tell you… what?"
Anger swells within the angel. Is she planning on playing the guise of innocence to the end? Castiel's mouth draws into a scowl.
Very well.
If she persists on drawing out this lie, he will only have to wring the truth from her lips.
Castiel begins to advance, each step sounding with dark promises.
Alice recoils, shifting her weight back and forth like a trapped prey. There is no place for her to run. He would catch her if she tried. As he nears, her jittery air crescendos, and the moment he is within a hair's breath of her, all her trepidation locks upon her form. She stares up at him with wide eyes, her legs shackled under his gaze. Alice's visible distress shakes his will, and his umbrage wavers.
Her fear is warranted. She should be scared of him. But something stops him, and as she continues to watch him, Castiel is unable to muster the rage he previously felt.
The angel cedes, blowing out a soft sigh. His eyes scan her features again, and despite the unease radiating from her, Alice is staring back without reserve. He can feel his own countenance softening.
"The brothers told me what you've revealed to them, but deliberately kept from me."
There is no flicker of awareness in her face, and her innocent façade stokes his wrath.
"Why did you lie to me when you had in fact encountered your future self in that world? Not to mention that she had chosen to give her life away." Castiel narrows his eyes into a glare, searching her face for a single hint of weakness. "Are you planning to do the same of she?" His insides curl with distaste. "Is that why you hid the truth from me?"
Something snaps in Alice's expression, and Castiel feels the shift in her emotions. He pauses.
She is… angry?
"Of course not!" Her brows press into a glare and throws his vehemence back at him with doubled intensity. "Do you honestly think I'd make the same mistakes after all that world's put me through?"
Castiel blinks, unprepared for her verbal attack.
Alice crosses her arms in defiance, appearing most indignant. "And technically, I didn't lie. My future-self wasn't there… not really. I only saw her stone body."
Her retort trails off, and from her diminishing voice even she must realize how futile her argument seems. Castiel is firm once again.
"Even if all you saw was her statue-ed remains, why did you withhold the information from me? Did you think I wouldn't find it pertinent?"
Castiel seethes. He had to hear it from the Winchesters of all people, and they were humans. Did she really believe him to be less reliable than Sam and Dean? Just the thought is insulting. The angel's mood further sours. His voice lowers to an irate growl.
"You certainly thought it was relevant enough to share this with the brothers."
Alice is taken aback. Her eyes take on an inquisitive light before its brief spark is quickly dissolved under the angel's punishing glower.
The woman dithers, and she casts her grimacing visage to the ground. He's caught her. She has no more masks to wear. But he won't let her off so easily. He'll have her confess. He'll not let her hide her eyes from his.
"Alice."
"I know!" She sputters out. "I was scared, all right? I was a coward! I still couldn't handle the idea that there was a future where I was gone! That I failed! I couldn't tell you! I didn't want to tell you!" Her voice breaks under the turmoil of emotion, heavy with shame. "… I still don't want to tell you…"
Castiel studies the trembling woman in front of him. He would have never expected her feelings of self-inadequacy to be reason behind her secrecy. Is it true? Can he trust her words?
Alice anchors her gaze to her feet. Is she hiding her face from him because of genuine shame or from further deceit? He has to know.
"Alice." Castiel commands her attention, but she only shies further from his view.
"Alice, look at me."
When she remains rebellious, Castiel is in no mood to humor her any longer. He won't allow it. Reaching out, Castiel grasps her chin, drawing her gaze back to him in a rather dominating manner. He is able to breathe in her surprise. Her unguarded gaze captures his, and her scent intoxicates him. But he is the one in control now. His voice lowers to a husky whisper, though it resonates with a sharp edge, establishing his authority over hers.
"Are you speaking the truth?"
"Yes!" She snaps. He can almost taste her irritation.
Castiel searches her rueful gaze a final time for any falsities. Finding none, his suspicions melt away and he eases back. His hand drops from her face.
Castiel is mildly reproachful to his own actions, now realizing how antagonizing he must have appeared. He looks apologetic.
"I didn't mean to accuse you. But for some reason, having to hear this second hand from Sam and Dean…" He feels uncomfortable in divulging his thoughts, and he doesn't understand why he said what he said. It's as though something is loosening his lips at both ends. Aware of Alice's waiting stare, he quickly skips over his confusion. "It simply felt as though you didn't trust me."
Alice gives a soft snort, her expression a little vexed, but her lips twitch into a smile. "Ironic, since it was you who was having a hard time believing me just now."
She's right, of course, and Castiel falters again, looking even more shamefaced. "You're right. Perhaps I was projecting."
His apology is earnest, and as Alice peers back at him, all misgivings crumble away. He knows she has forgiven him. There is something about her expression, the softness in them. He could see his own reflection in her irises. He has completely captured her senses, and he wants to trap her with his presence even further.
"But…" He takes another step forward. What little distance there was between them disappears. "You are wrong about one thing." He can see the colors rise in her cheeks as she tilts her head up at him, and the mounting tension in her shoulders. This is not the first time he has elicited this kind of reaction from her, and he fully revels in its effect. "You're not a coward, Alice."
The remainder of her guard drops, and he could see something melt behind her eyes. Her lids flutter, and Castiel is so close he could count her lashes. But before he is able to discern her emotion, she suddenly takes a step back.
And then another.
His first instinct is to stop her, but he digs his fingers into his palm to stop himself.
Is he being too forward?
He searches his face. In the brief moment before she turns away, he thinks he sees a flicker of despair.
Why? What is she thinking? Why is he still unable to read her?
Alice makes a laughing sound, but to Castiel, it sounds like a sob.
"You're probably wondering what I'm doing in this place…"
Castiel is brought back to reality, and the space around him sharpens into focus. The eerie energy swimming in the backdrop provokes his attention. What is she doing in this place?
"Dean told me you were supposed to be in Chicago, conversing with your friend."
With her back still turned to him, she dips her head. "Maggie. She told me she's an immortal too. A guardian."
Castiel does a double take. Did he hear that right? The woman he had seen on the night Alice disappeared, the woman who saved her. He never was able to feel her energy signature to ascertain what she was. So this Maggie character has been a Wikkōn all this time. A surge of questions floods his mind. If this woman has been her friend, then why only reveal herself now? Why has she not helped before? His suspicions grow in an instant.
"Isn't this great? She's said she's going to help us stop Lucifer. And she's currently off to find the other guardians."
Castiel narrows his eyes. Her shoulders are heavy, and she still has not answered his previous question.
"Isn't this great? She said she's going to help us stop Lucifer. And she's currently off to find the other guardians."
What is this sentiment in her voice? Her words give the impression of relief but there is something broken in the sound.
"That still doesn't explain why you're here."
He could see her faltering.
There is a slight rise in her shoulders as she takes a breath. "I'm here because it's time I become one with Lyss, and this spring will help me do exactly that. I'll get all my memories back, and then I'll finally be able to do something."
"Then why do you sound so unhappy?"
She does not reply, and Castiel knows his words stuck the mark.
He advances, taking his spot next to her. He has some inkling as to what is troubling her. "You don't want to let her in, do you?"
Her smiling mask breaks away immediately, revealing her true sentiments, wrought with distress. She turns away again in a last attempt to hide herself. Her efforts are only in vain. Castiel would never let her go so easily. He maneuvers within her vision again, and she turns in suite.
How long does she expect to play this game? She must realize how futile it is to resist him.
"Why are you so reluctant to take her in?" Her lips remain stubbornly sealed. Alice is acting like a child again.
So be it. He will have to force the truth out of her.
"Alice." Castiel lowers his tone, bearing down the full weight of his authority. He seems to be able to garner some reaction as Alice slides a veiled gaze to him from the corner of her eyes. He decides to wait, and after another moment, she finally speaks.
"When you first met Lyss, how did she seem to you?"
Castiel is caught off guard.
What relevance does this have?
But he decides to humor her, and he thinks back to their first meeting.
"She seemed ancient. Ethereal. Like nothing I've ever encountered before." He examines her expectant gaze. "But her energy still held strong semblance to yours."
Alice does not seem to appreciate his response, and she looks to the waters bitterly. "I find that hard to believe."
"Why? She's you." His remark earns him a glare.
"Do you really think so? After speaking to her. You don't find her to be completely different from me?"
Castiel frowns. "There were differences, of course."
"Of course." She repeats glumly.
He knows there has been some internal discord in the girl, but he never realized she has been this troubled over Lyss' existence. "But you're still fundamentally the same person."
"Will you quit going back and forth?" She huffs out.
He could feel her mounting irritation, her personal distress at the internal turmoil. Her clenched fists shake from the struggle to maintain emotional control.
"I can feel her feelings, feelings that I don't agree with. I just don't understand why she continues to be so lenient to heaven, and why she disapproves of my decisions. We want different things, and our views clash! So if I merge with her… if her consciousness combines with my own… won't she change me? … I won't be myself anymore."
Castiel's gaze softens. This is what has been worrying her all this time? "And that's why you don't want this merge. You're afraid she will change your personality."
The truth is finally out, and Alice is looking relieved of her burden from keeping it a secret.
Castiel surveys the immortal. It intrigues him how blind this usually insightful creature is about herself. If only she had searched for his counsel sooner, he would have long eased her headaches.
"Your counterpart, Lyss, explained to me that she was only a representation of a memory, and a fragment of your subconscious that's been buried and separated from you for a long time. It's natural for her to be different from you because you've lived different lives, and without the link between these two minds to share your memories and thus understanding of each other, you would unsurprisingly, have misunderstandings. You don't agree with her because you haven't lived her life, nor she yours. If you ever want to understand her, you have to accept her into yourself."
Alice stares wordlessly at the angel. Her eyes shine with wonder. It's needless to say she has never thought of things from such an angle.
Alice starts to look down in thought, but then vexation overtakes her and she jerks away in a grumbling sigh. "If only I could master her powers without taking her."
Castiel can't help but smile at the childishness. Had it been anyone else, he would have lost patience, but on her, it has a strangely endearing appeal.
"I, for one, don't believe you would change even if you merge."
"What makes you so sure?" She asks skeptically.
Castiel dips his head, matching the level of her gaze. "Because." His lips twitch at her creeping blush.
"There is a key quality that remains constant between you and Lyss."
"And what would that be?" There is a delicious tremor in her voice.
"Lyss carved a sigil of fealty with a blade of heaven into herself, binding her soul forever to Earth. She fought to protect her world and the humans, and I saw the same protective instinct from you when you went against Raphael. It's evident that you love this world, and the humans who live in it. You both fight to protect the things you love. These two elements should more than reveal just how fundamentally the same you really are."
A glimmer sparks in her eyes as understanding dawns. The darkness in her brows lift and all her insecurities is cast away by the angel's words. Alice looks down, and her shoulders begin to shake. Before Castiel can worry, she suddenly breaks out into a peel of giggling. She holds the back of her hand to her lips, trying to muffle the escaping laughter.
Castiel simply watches her.
Alice's voice is light, with genuine relief ringing from her sound. She must have carried this worry with her for a while now, and with all that she's been through recently, Castiel marvels at how much he has missed the sound of her laughter.
After a few calming breaths, Alice regards him gratefully.
Curiosity takes Castiel. "Just what did the two of you disagree upon?"
Her smile falters a bit at the question, and Castiel's curiosity only grows when he witnesses her burning cheeks. She shoots him a timid glance and turns her head away. "I don't want to tell you."
Castiel's frown is back at once. Isn't she tired of keeping secrets from him?
Alice begins to move away, but he catches her arm. His actions snake her attention, but her expression is playful. He, however, is no longer in the mood for games.
"I thought you trusted me."
Her gaze is velvet, and so soft he could lose himself in them, but he steels his heart.
"Alice-" His words falter when she boldly steps back to him. As she leans in with a determined glare, Castiel unconsciously inches back.
"You really won't take no for an answer?"
He blinks.
Is she mocking him? Why would she ask such a thing? He could feel his own determination rising to meet her challenge. If Alice is testing him, he will have to remind her just how formidable he is; an angel of God who openly defied the will of heaven. He narrows his eyes at her.
"Yes."
Her lips pull to a smile, and what comes next brings his mind to a halt. There is an impish glint in her eyes, and she abruptly draws closer. He can feel her intimacy, taste her scent of wildflower.
Is he hallucinating? Is this some cruel trick of the mind brought on by the strange powers of these woods? If it is, it would be too cruel, and all too enticing.
He cannot breathe, lest the slightest movement shatter the dream.
Alice pushes closer, circling her arms around his neck.
This isn't a hallucination. It is real, she is real. Her lips are supple and warm and sinfully sweet as she presses herself flush against his body.
Castiel reacts at once, he will not let such an opportunity go unexplored. He grabs Alice by her cheeks, he will never let her go. No matter how exquisite her gentle kisses are, it isn't enough, it will never be enough. His mouth moves roughly against hers, wanting to memorize their form, taste and marvel at every curve and line, he'll burn this feeling to memory.
Alice is weak to his touch, and loses herself to his control. Any conscious thought is incinerated from his mind, engulfed by a ravenous fire that only grows with every kiss, every caress.
God.
He could go insane from the feel of her. All of his will, his desire, hone to a single point, he wants her, needs her, every fiber of her. He is to drown in her, devour her, chain her to his being until there is nothing left but him and her.
In a fit of delirious passion, he grazes her mouth in a most violent manner, growling as he does so.
Alice seems to take the aggression with appetite, as she only opens her mouth, further inviting his onslaught. But then she does something unexpected. Her fingers curl around his neck, pulling at the ends of his hair, and he feels the touch of her velvet tongue, trailing delicious fire over the seams of his lips. This action, however small, sends the angel completely over the edge. He snatches her coy invitation with the desperation of a starving man, opening his mouth and pressing his tongue against hers.
His touch breaks her, and he feels her weight fall against him.
A deep growl rumbles from his chest, wholly satisfied at her surrender. Still, it isn't enough. He still wants more… just more. As he continues to taste her, graze her with near bruising kisses, a hand starts to trail downwards from her face. He feels the docile contours of her neck, the slight bend in her collar bones, her small but firm shoulders, and the feminine curve of her back. His fingers trace her form, crushing her roughly to him when they find the supple waist that seems to fit so perfectly in his arms.
The force elicits a moan from her lips, and he drinks it in just as hungrily.
Castiel has never known such earthly pleasures, feelings and intensities that could scorch away all reason. Is this what humans feel? This intimacy, this indulgence in every sense of the word. This is why so many angels chose to fall. As he stands there with Alice in his arms, kissing her, tasting every crevice of her mouth, he would never doubt their judgement again.
But then something stirs within Alice, and she begins to pull away.
No!
It's not enough. He hasn't had enough.
Castiel pulls Alice back against him, rumbling his refusal. He could feel her smile against his lips, but she only retreats further. He still has one hand by her cheek and he forcibly steers her back to him. Caught unaware, Castiel takes the opportunity and sets his mouth even harder against hers, subjugating her to light bites at her lower lip. The effect is immediate as she begins to relent again.
She's his. He's won.
Just as his senses float back to bliss, she suddenly grabs his hands and pushes him away.
His paradise evaporates.
"Cass…" Alice chides in a breathless tone, and her voice stokes his desires again.
Castiel scowls, tugging impatiently at her waist, forcing her to arch her back just to gain some distance, distance he doesn't want, distance he is painfully aware of right now.
She continues to remain stubbornly separate from him. "Does that answer your question?" Her voice is steadier now, and it draws his attention to her lips. They're red and warm and still soft and wholly delectable.
He starts to lean in again. "My question…"
Her lips pull to a smile. "About my disagreement with Lyss."
Why is she still so far? Why is he not kissing her yet? …Did she say something about a disagreement?
"It's you, Cass."
Castiel stills, and he can feel the fog lifting from his mind. He begins to straighten, thus allowing Alice to do the same. "Why am I the cause of your disagreement with Lyss?"
She gives him a wry smile. Her hands slide down his arms to the bend in his elbows. Although the touch is meant to comfort, it evokes something else entirely.
Alice lowers her gaze demurely. "Lyss… was concerned when she realized my feelings for you… were more than professional."
Castiel's eyes widen. Can it be true? Does she truly feel that way about him? Can he believe her?
He stops himself. If this proves to be false, if this is another one of her games… He swallows back the rising bitterness. Shaking himself of the thought, he decides to focus on something else.
"Why was she concerned?"
Her eyes hold a warm glow as she gazes at him, and Castiel can feel his insides melt.
"Lyss believes that there may come a day where your interests and my interests would be pitted against each other, that I might have to choose between you and my responsibilities to the world." Her gaze trails to his chest. "And I would have to choose my responsibilities in the end… Which would cause… problems."
Castiel sobers. So Lyss has never approved of him, and being a part of her, that would mean a part of Alice disapproves of him. The realization is harrowing.
"I disagreed with her. I told her I won't be forced into my duties, that I would retain my freedom to make my own decisions. I told her that I would have both." A flicker of pain passes her features, and her eyes glaze with memory. "I was so sure… but now…" She bites down at her lips, and her eyes squeeze shut.
Alarm shoots through Castiel. Is the paradise he felt just moments ago crashing around him already? "But now you're not?"
Her eyes smolder with remorse. She swallows hard.
"Castiel. You have become more important to me than I could have ever imagined. So much so that it terrifies me. If I never visited that world, I would have remained confident. But now that I've… experienced that…"
He watches with bated breath as her fingers grip desperately at his sleeves.
Her eyes close as if in hopeless surrender.
"If I lose you again… I…"
Warmth fills Castiel.
Despite her fear, her despair, the angel is in unbelievable bliss. He couldn't believe it, but the truth is in plain sight right in front of him. It isn't a dream, or some malicious conjuring.
Alice, a most singular being, feels for him.
It is done.
With her last confession, Castiel has lost.
He could sense it too. He is irrevocably hers.
Alice lets out a quivering shudder, and her eyes reopen. She gazes at him timidly, as if unsure of his response.
The creature is completely unaware of the control she has over him.
"Alice."
Relief washes over her features.
Castiel gently takes her chin in his hand, lifting her face upwards. She searches his visage, her eyes wide and vulnerable.
"I can't promise you that I may never die, with the war we're fighting now. But I can promise you I will do my best to stay alive."
Alice lets out a sob like laugh, and Castiel immediately silences her with a kiss. Just as eager to continue their earlier embrace, Alice melts in his hold. He can taste her respite, and with his own added heat, they meld together into dizzying rapture.
When Alice finally breaks away for air, Castiel traces his lips over her brow and then her temple. Alice's head falls over his shoulder, and she makes a most contented sound from the way he slides a hand down her back.
His thoughts drift absentmindedly as he starts playing with a strand of her hair. Alice had kept it cut to a mid back length from all the times it has regrown. "I've always wondered... what the forbidden fruit would taste like to have Adam and Eve risk losing paradise to attain it."
Alice leans back with a curious look.
Castiel smiles, his eyes caressing her face. "If this is what the taste is like, then I think I can understand."
Alice flushes, and she scowls to hide her embarrassment. "Lucifer was the one who tempted them to taste the fruit. I hardly want to equate our experience with theirs."
Castiel laughs, surprising himself. He can't remember the last time he laughed. Trailing a hand across Alice's cheek, he brushes back a strand of hair. "If there is one thing I am grateful for in lieu of all this…" He sees the immediate crimson coloring her cheeks following the path of his fingers, and he marvels at the phenomenon with adoring interest. "It would be meeting you."
At his words, the immortal girl bites down at her lips, trying to contain her smile.
There is a certain joy to be felt in teasing her like this, and he can't seem to stop himself. His mouth pulls into a smirk. "Ironic as it may be, had Lucifer not started this war, we would not be together now."
"Great." Alice grumbles, still beet red. "I'll be sure to thank him the next time I see him."
Castiel smiles again. She is obstinate to the end. Before she could mutter anything else to save face, he drops a kiss over her lips. Alice responds all too willingly, and he grins against her mouth. She throws her arms around his neck and pulls herself closer. Castiel instinctively crushes her to him, accommodating her wish. A blissful moan escapes her lips as he continues to move his mouth against hers. Although the caress is no longer wrought with aggression, the need still burns just as strong.
Minutes tick by like seconds, and all too soon, Alice pulls back once more.
This time, Castiel is able to reign himself in with more success. He follows her despondent gaze to the spring.
A reluctant sigh slips from her lips… Her soft, red, lips…
"I should probably get this over with."
Castiel blinks, regaining the bearings in his mind. "Do you have to step into the spring for the merge to work?"
Alice nods, but she makes no movement to leave. Her fingers tighten around the nape of his neck, making him smirk.
"I can wait here for you, if you'd like." He could see the urge to say yes to him, but she holds herself back.
With a pout, she shakes her head. "Thank you, but it's all right. I don't know how long this would take, and I know you have things you need to do." Her chest lifts as she takes a deep breath and steps back.
The smirk drops from his mouth. He does not want to let her go, but the more disciplined part of him wills him to obey. He can still feel his body radiate from the warmth of her.
Alice unwraps herself from him, her arm draping down his own as she moves further away. Before she could completely escape him, he catches her fingers. The action elicits a smile from her, and she leads him slowly towards the banks.
He watches her returning smile, speckled with anxiety and doubt.
She sets a foot into the water, then the other. His own apprehension begins to bubble.
How safe is this endeavor? What if something goes wrong?
She treads further away, and his hand tightens over hers. Alice glances back to him, and seeing his face she offers him a reassuring grin. She would not be able to go further unless Castiel lets go.
Realizing this, his eyes flicker to her hand still locked in his. He unfurls his fingers, and her hand slips away.
Alice chuckles. Its light sound draws his attention.
"I'm fine."
She must have noticed his unease, and Castiel only nods in response.
She replies with a wry smile, knowing she doesn't have him convinced, but unable to pacify him otherwise.
Turning back around, Alice takes another breath and pushes deeper into the water. The ripples have rose to her chest. The moment she reaches the center of the spring, the air shifts.
Castiel bristles, searching her surroundings for threats. He could draw her back in a second if need be, and so he prepares himself.
The water in the spring freezes to a standstill, looking eerily mirror like. Then, all at once, the current reverses, and the ripples flow backwards to the center, to Alice.
Castiel trails the edge of the bank, trying to find closer ground.
Despite the strange happenings around her, Alice only watches the event unfold with calm interest.
The waters around her start to dance, pulling up translucent streams arching higher and higher around her. Watery ribbons spin and twirl around Alice, wrapping her in a flowing cocoon. Before she is completely covered, she looks up to capture his gaze. He sees the determination in her eyes and the promise to meet again.
A final stream winds around her, and Alice is completely enveloped. There is a shimmering glow, and she fades from view. All becomes calm once more, and the spring trickles on again as if the phenomenon never happened.
Castiel continues to stare into the space where Alice occupied.
He is torn.
How could he feel so happy and peaceful?
He had killed four angels just hours earlier. He had felt their anger, their hate, and his grief. Yet, all those horrible sentiments now seem so far away, so feeble before the power of Alice's existence.
And then he feels it, the lull of inevitable damnation. Like the splitting of the earth, he is swallowed by temptation. He has fallen prey to it.
At a single word, he would give up worlds for her. He would kill for her. He would destroy for her.
And if something in the coming days would separate her from him, heaven have mercy on the obstacle.
There is a certain madness to this emotion, and Castiel knows it. But it is already too late.
If this is a battle of wills, he will see to it that he wins.
I apologize. This chapter was posted 4 days late. D= I was super distracted and took forever editing it... though I am sure there are still a few errors lurking around here and there. *-* I intend to hunt each and every one down.
As always, PLEASE RATE AND REVIEW!