The Lucky Ones
Chapter 14
I Love You
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Christian
After almost daily sessions with John Flynn, the full measure of what Elena took from me is becoming clear.
While other teenagers tentatively fumbled their way across the landscape of sexual discovery, I was allowed no such privilege. My opportunity, my sexual journey, was hijacked, stolen from me by a sexual predator.
In one of my sessions with Flynn, I came to realize how Elena influenced my decision to drop out of Harvard. I never had the normal college experience. My responsibilities to Elena as her submissive prevented me from going to parties, being with girls, hanging out with the row team. All things that are part of being away from home for the first time were forbidden by my Domme. Perhaps if I'd not been under Elena's control, I would've enjoyed Harvard enough to stay for four years and graduate. It's another of those things I'll never know, and it burns in my gut.
Several days ago Flynn asked me to consider what I owe Elena.
My conclusion: not a damned thing.
At one time, I believed I owed Elena for choosing me, straightening me out, making a man out of me. She repeatedly reminded me how fortunate I was to have her as my Domme. I should be grateful for her help, she told me, for she was my only true friend.
Elena isolated me from my family, constantly exhorting that only she could understand me and my needs. My parents were nice people, she conceded, but they could never accept me for who I am. They could never understand my predilections and the "special relationship" Elena and I shared.
My Domme dangled sexual inducements to discourage me from attending family engagements.
"You belong to me, not your family. You will devise a suitable excuse, and spend your day with me. If you take your punishments well, and if your cunnilingus skills show improvement, I'll fellate you. I may even allow you to cum in my mouth."
Elena promised a panoply of carnal treats, and without fail, I yielded to her temptations.
I feel great contrition now for the deceit and disrespect I heaped upon my family.
I feel doubly penitent for my allowance and abetment of Elena's deception. She took great delight in putting one over on my parents. Elena shamelessly used them, particularly my mother. When she wasn't finagling an invitation to a luncheon or soiree, Elena was pumping my mother for community gossip.
Elena also gleaned information from my mother regarding my schoolwork, therapy, and kickboxing lessons, seeking excuses to punish me. If I lost a kickboxing match or didn't ace a test, I'd be whipped, caned, or worst of all, my orgasms would be denied.
I've often wondered how my parents' friendship with the Lincolns began. They were our neighbors, residing a few doors down. The crude, tough talking John Lincoln, and my affable, erudite father have very different temperaments. I recall them playing golf together fairly frequently, and I wonder how their interactions worked to mutual benefit. Was it business interests, some sort of networking?
After the divorce, Linc moved to Mercer Island. My parents run into him occasionally at social functions, always greeting him warmly.
My mother and Elena are nothing alike. They have little in common, though Elena likes to pretend she shares my mother's philanthropic interests. They make an unlikely pair, but Mother has a kind, hopeful heart, and always wants to see the best in others.
After discovering the two of us in his basement, Linc beat Elena to a pulp, and then left her financially strapped, all because of me, or so I believed. Through discussions with Flynn, I now understand the divorce wasn't my fault, and Elena's living situation was never my responsibility.
Elena declined to press charges against Linc for the assault, saying she wanted to protect me and my fledgling enterprise, GEH. She didn't want Linc pulling me into their messy divorce. At long last the blinders are off, and I know this had little to with me, and more to do with protecting Elena's own reputation and social standing.
After the sale of the Lincoln estate, Elena moved to a much smaller house in Beaux Arts Village, a few miles south of my parents. It's an affluent, well-established neighborhood. The house is beautifully decorated and landscaped, courtesy of yours truly. When Elena has had home repairs or other large expenses, I've always helped her out.
While still married to Linc, Elena loaned me one hundred thousand dollars, but I've repaid that amount at least tenfold. Just in cash, I've given her over a million during the past six years. I also started up the salon chain for her, and paid her a manager's salary with executive style benefits.
Yes, for six years I've been Elena's ATM.
In return, Elena constructed a system of compulsory BDSM rules, insisting they were necessary for my well-being. She recruited submissives who would follow those rules, women she knew couldn't fully satisfy me. The only sub who challenged the rules was Leila Williams. While I found Leila's small rebellions and flirtations somewhat beguiling, I was fully committed to Elena's rules, and quickly tossed Leila aside as soon as she requested "more" from our arrangement.
I consider all the skills I acquired through Elena's mentoring, and each one directly benefitted her. Everything, from the dancing to the sex, had been about Elena and her needs, though she had cleverly framed all of it as being for my personal growth and development.
For a kid with a supposedly high IQ, I was easily manipulated. The fact that all this carried on well into my adulthood has me feeling embarrassed and ashamed. Flynn has helped me see this was all part of the traumatic bonding and the codependency that developed as a result.
This morning I am once again in Flynn's office, and just as we've done dozens of times over the past two years, we discuss my childhood and my family.
"The last attempt at treating your haphephobia was when you were ten. Can you tell me again about earlier attempts?"
"When I was ten, the psychiatrist called it exposure therapy, and the same thing had been attempted when I was six or seven. Those are the only times I was treated for the haphephobia. It was just too tough. I flipped out and couldn't handle it. My parents argued over it. I overheard Dad say we should try other therapies. My mother said she couldn't endure seeing me suffer, and she thought treatment could wait until I was older."
"As your therapist, I don't often take sides, but your father was correct on this. There were other therapies available, which would have been much more tolerable. Exposure therapy is designed to work quickly, but can be quite traumatic, and in the long term is oftentimes less effective than other therapies. For a child suffering from severe PTSD, I can understand how you wouldn't have been able to sustain it."
"I was able to tolerate Anastasia using her mouth on the area below my scars. I actually liked it very much."
If I ever get the opportunity, I plan to ask my girl to kiss that spot again. Jesus, I miss her so fucking much.
"And that experience makes me think you are ready to try again, this time with a different treatment methodology."
"I'd like that."
"Excellent. I'll come up with a treatment plan."
I'm exhilarated by the thought Anastasia might one day be able to touch every square inch of me.
"Your folks...during your early teens what was going on with them?"
"They were busy, building their professional practices."
"What kind of supervision did they provide for you?"
"Once I started ninth grade, none really. Mom worked a half-day on Wednesdays, and that was the day she picked me up from school, took me to therapy, and then kickboxing. The other days, I took the bus home and was responsible for myself, getting my homework done. As soon as Elliot could drive, he was off doing his own thing. Mia went to a different school. Grammy Grey was alive then, and she'd pick Mia up, take Mia back to her house, help her with homework, teach her how to cook, things like that."
"So when you started to act out, what were your parents' reactions?"
"They were confused about what to do, aggravated by all the trouble I created, overwhelmed, I guess. I overheard several arguments about what to do for me."
"What was Elliot doing during this time?"
"Elliot had just left home and was a freshman at UCLA. Looking back, I really missed him."
"Do you think Elliot's departure contributed to your acting out?"
"It probably didn't help. Elliot sort of looked out for me, though I didn't realize it fully at the time."
"How long did your behavior issues go on before Mrs. Lincoln stepped into the picture?"
"A couple of months. I was getting into fights almost daily. Got kicked out of three schools. I was drinking, stealing my dad's liquor. My grades never slipped, due to the work being so easy for me."
"How did all this affect Mia?"
"Don't really know. She was only eight at the time."
"After Mrs. Lincoln's so-called intervention and the resulting improvement in your behavior, how did your parents react?"
"Relief. They were able to go back to their routines."
"Did they investigate? Ask questions about what had changed within you?"
"No. They just voiced relief, approval at my turn around."
"How do you think they'll feel if they learn about Mrs. Lincoln's role in your rapid recovery?"
"Betrayed. Angry. Maybe guilty, if they think back on things."
"Betrayed and angry. Why these feelings?"
"Isn't it obvious?"
"Perhaps, but I need you to say it aloud, so it can be properly recognized."
"Betrayed by Elena. And by me. Angry that it happened and went on for so long. Angry because I never told them. Angry at Elena for taking advantage of me, for using them to get to me."
"At whom do you believe they'll be the angriest?"
"Probably Elena, but my culpability can't be dismissed. I was in on the deception. I let it go on for so long."
"You were a child, when it began. You were manipulated in the worst of ways. Your parents are the kind of people who will understand better than you think. Have you thought more about divulging your abuse? Are you prepared for that?"
As I contemplate telling my parents about my secret life, dread and apprehension fill me. I'm not ready. I can't go there yet.
"Hell, no, I'm not prepared. Disclosure will launch a shitstorm."
"If you'd like my presence at that conversation, I can do that."
"Thank you. I'll consider it."
"What were your feelings about your parents during this time? While you were acting out?"
"I felt misunderstood. I guess I expected my parents to be mind readers, to understand how lonely I was, how isolated I felt. In some ways, I felt ignored, disregarded by them. They didn't check up on my whereabouts, didn't question my lame alibis, and I guess that's how Elena was able to slither in and fill a void. Couldn't my parents see I was in agony? All those hormones raging, the frustration at not being able to have a girl touch me. I was brimming with fury, but at the same time, I didn't have the right to be angry at them."
"Why couldn't you be angry? Why deny your feelings?"
"My parents had already done so much for me. I was a little piece of shit, and they gave me a home. To want understanding from them seemed greedy somehow. It all comes back to the self-loathing, doesn't it? All that shit from before I was a Grey."
Flynn nods his head.
"If you feel unworthy of love from your parents, how will you deal with love from a woman? Will you undermine love when it is offered to you?"
"I don't know. I hope not. Shit. I'm just one problem on top of another, aren't I?"
"We're all built that way. It's called the human condition."
"Do you think it's possible Anastasia could ever love me?"
"Of course it's possible. That's why I want you prepared for receiving love. Your feelings of unworthiness may cause you to sabotage your own happiness."
"I'm learning that love and friendship can only exist in the presence of mutual respect. You've hammered that home, and I understand that now. Any friendship I thought I had with Elena was just an illusion."
I sigh loudly and reflexively pull at my hair.
"You seem uncertain about something. Afraid, perhaps?"
"Yes, afraid. Worried. If I do get the chance to be with Anastasia, I'm afraid I'll fuck it up. I'm worried I'll treat her like a sub, say the wrong things, drive her away."
"You'll screw up, but if the two of you work extraordinarily hard, you'll endure. Rhian and I have been married for twelve years, and I still screw up on a regular basis. You'll be okay, Christian. I believe that, and it's important for you to believe it."
XXXXXXX
Twelve years. The length of the Flynns' marriage and the amount of time I've lost to Elena Lincoln. My stomach churns every time I consider what I've given up.
Just three weeks ago my revelations would have been unthinkable. I hid in my towers, Grey House and Escala, dulled by ennui, depression, and arrogance.
Then came Anastasia Steele, unpretentious, humble, and with no idea of her worth. Anastasia has given me a sample of what "normal" feels like.
There will be no turning back. I've made my choice.
Ana.
After my session with Flynn, I returned to Grey House and met with my personal attorney, Cleve Anderson. I shared Elena's misdeeds with him. Cleve tried to hide his shock, but wasn't very successful. He told me the statute of limitations had run out. She couldn't be prosecuted for sexual abuse, but perhaps I could pursue a civil suit. Cleve asked if I had any documentation, photos or letters, evidence of the abuse. Elena was very careful, and of course, I have no proof of wrongdoing on her part. It's my word against hers.
I suspect Elena took photographs while I was blindfolded. I've called in Barney, Welch, and Taylor, to see if anything can be recovered from her electronic devices. I'm asking them to do something illegal, but all three assure me they'll figure out a way to get the job done without detection.
The Deep Web stores anything that a search engine can't find, things like court records and licensing databases. These are records hidden by governments and corporations for concerns of security and privacy. The Deep Web is a piece of cake for my guys.
There's a nasty little corner of the Deep Web, where terrorists, drug dealers, and child porn traffickers like to hide, and that small, slimy slice of the internet is called the Dark Web. It's the filthy underbelly of the internet, intentionally hidden for nefarious purposes. This is where my team may have to bring in some big guns with specialized hacking skills. I caution them not to underestimate Elena, and I give instructions to spare no expense while digging through her cyber-trash. If something is there, I want it found as quickly as possible.
Elena has gone radio silent since our last meeting at the Mile High Club.
I looked over the financial statements, but nothing seemed out of order. I forwarded the statements to my head of accounting, Roy Carlton, who deemed the figures from the downtown salon to be out of line with the others. Roy told me it looked suspicious, but it might be nothing. Just to be certain, he passed the documents to Marvella Silver, our certified forensic accountant. Marvella was recruited from the FBI, and she's top-notch.
Marvella found small inconsistencies in all the salons, enough to raise questions and warrant surprise audits of all four Esclava salons. Roy and Marvella have pulled in more forensic accountants and salon consultants, organizing them into four teams, one for each salon. Each team will also have two security personnel, just in case Elena or her salon minions decide to step out of line.
On Tuesday, May 31st at 9 am, a team will descend upon each salon, and all of the salons will be simultaneously audited, valuated, and assessed for performance.
Embezzlement or not, as of June 1st, Elena and I will no longer be business partners. Elena is a sexual predator, and as such, no relationship with her can ever be appropriate. Flynn has helped me see clearly. With or without Anastasia in my life, Elena needs to become history.
Elena and I are partners with a 60/40 split in my favor. The buildings which house the salons are owned solely by GEH and managed through my commercial real estate division. When we settle up, I believe Elena will be shocked by the small size of her payout.
I'll be in Taiwan when all this goes down. Flynn and I agreed it would be best not to see Elena face to face, until I feel secure enough to confide in my family about the abuse. Flynn is preparing me for my parents' reactions. I'm just not quite ready to have that difficult conversation. Perhaps I can tell them when I return from Taiwan.
XXXXXXX
Anastasia and I have been phoning and texting constantly for the past couple of weeks. Per Flynn's guidance, I keep the banter light, conversational, friendly. There've been no references to anything of a sexual nature. We've just been getting to know one another as friends through nightly phone dates.
"Chrissy? Hiya." My baby sister belches into the phone. "Whaddup?"
I've called at the usual time, but Mia answers Anastasia's phone. She sounds intoxicated.
"What's going on, Mia? Maybe you've had enough to drink. Who's there with you?"
I hear music, laughter, and voices. A party? When we spoke last night, Anastasia never mentioned anything about throwing a party, and suddenly I wonder if she has another life, something she's hiding. I have trust issues, so I try my best to quash this thought.
"Ellie and I are at Kate and Ana's. There's also Ethan, José, Becca, Travis, and a girl named Marisol. A guy, Levi, was here, but he got pissed off and left. Something about being jealous of El."
"Having a party?"
"Didn't start out that way, but turned into one. Here's Ana. She wants you."
I hear rustling.
"Hi. Let me go to my room. It's too noisy in here."
Anastasia's breathing picks up as she moves to her room. I wonder what her room looks like. Maybe I'll get to take a peek when I go down for graduation. I'm envious of Mia and Elliot, as they've been spending a lot of time near Ana. Mia, unemployed and with too much time on her hands, has been down there for a few days, sleeping on the sofa.
I hear the shutting of a door.
"How are you? It's Saturday. I hope you didn't go to your office."
"Yes, I worked almost a full day. I called my accounting team in for a meeting."
"Working on a Saturday, Mr. Grey? No, no, that won't do. You should be on that boat of yours or soaring through the air in a glider."
"I'll take it under advisement. How was your day? Did Mia and Elliot actually end up being helpful?"
"This has been the craziest day. I'm exhausted. Yes, Mia and Elliot were very helpful this morning. Our humble yard sale yielded over eight hundred dollars. Kate decided we should celebrate tonight with a little get-together."
"Have those boys been bothering you?"
"Boys?"
"José and Ethan."
Anastasia snorts and giggles.
"You worry too much. Nobody bothers me. It's all good. I made lasagna. José worked on my car. Ethan found a bunch of old fireworks and set those off in front of our duplex. Oh, and there was this crazy fight over a stupid fly."
I love it when Anastasia tells me about her day.
"A fly?"
"Yes, there was this huge pesky fly inside the apartment. It landed on Kate's head, so Ethan rolled up a magazine and swatted at Kate. He smacked her pretty hard. Kate didn't know it was Ethan, and thought it was José or Elliot, so she turned around and punched each of them in the shoulder." Anastasia giggles. "José knew Ethan had started it, so he pinned Ethan with an old high school wrestling move." More giggles from my girl. "Mia tried to help Ethan by jumping on José. Anyway, the whole thing…Excuse me, Christian. Hold on."
I hear voices in the background. Elliot and Katherine?
"Get out! I want privacy. Out!"
She wants them away from her, so we can speak privately. She is so sweet.
"Ana and Christian, sittin' in a tree. K-I-S-S—" I don't recognize the voice, but it's male.
"Out! All of you! You know how much I need my alone time with Christian."
BOOM.
I feel it in my head, my heart, my gut, my dick.
That's it. Game over.
I know in an instant. I am consumed with love for Anastasia Rose Steele.
From my visits with Flynn, I had considered it, suspected it.
Now I am certain it's true.
I am completely, irrevocably, undeniably in love with Anastasia.
How do things like this go? Do I tell her how I feel?
If I tell her I'm in love with her, it might spook her, frighten her off. And if she doesn't reciprocate my feelings, I don't think I can bear the rejection.
I hear garbled voices and rustling, and then Anastasia is back on the line.
"Sorry about that. They're gone now. Are you still there? Christian?"
She was created just for me.
She is perfection.
She is mine.
"Christian?"
"Yes, I'm still here."
"You sound funny. So anyway, the whole thing ended up like the Keystone Cops. Are you listening?"
"Yes."
"Oh, well, it was ridiculously funny to me, but the way I'm telling it—"
"Everything you say fascinates and entertains me."
She has no idea of her power over me. I'm under her spell.
"You are a very sweet and kind man. Did you know that?"
Could Anastasia ever love me? Oh, my beautiful Ana.
"You and my mother are the only people who have ever held that opinion."
"I don't believe that for a minute." I hear rustling, like maybe she's moving the covers on her bed. "I was wondering. Um, well, the night before graduation, a bunch of us plan to bar hop in Portland. Mia and Elliot are coming. Would you like to join us?"
Anastasia sounds nervous, unsure of herself.
"Are you asking me out on a date?" I tease her.
"Um, no. Well, maybe. It's a group thing, and I thought you might like to come along."
"A group thing? Does that mean I'll have to share you? I don't share very well."
"We can stay near each other all evening, if that would make you feel most comfortable."
"I like the way that sounds."
"Then you'll join us?"
"Yes. I'd like very much to bar hop with you. This will be another first, Miss Steele."
Anastasia provides me with one glorious memory after another.
I became infatuated with Anastasia Rose Steele on the 5th of May, sometime around 11:15 am.
Looking back, I believe I fell in love with her on my jet the evening of that same day. I just couldn't recognize the feeling.
But tonight at exactly 10:22 pm, I know without a scintilla of doubt. I am absolutely, positively head over heels in love with Miss Anastasia Rose Steele.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Christian
I've decided. It's time to forewarn my family, let them know something is afoot with Elena. Yesterday I called my father for a meeting. He rescheduled clients to meet today for lunch.
Dad is thrilled at my invitation, and he actually arrives a few minutes early. We shake hands and I'm surprised by the affection I feel for him. My old animosity is almost gone, and we're both relaxed.
"The food isn't here yet. I've just been watching traffic."
Dad follows me to the wall of windows.
"I don't care about lunch, son. I'm just so damn grateful to be here."
We each aimlessly scan the street below, struggling with emotions that lie deep beneath our words.
"I did promise to call you when I need help."
"What's wrong? You don't look well. Are you ill?"
"No. It's a legal issue. Also a personal one."
"What do you need? Representation?"
My father's face is lined with concern and bewilderment.
"Cleve and the rest of my legal team seem to have everything in hand. My problem is with Elena and the salons. There's a possibility she's embezzling, and whether she is or isn't, I no longer want to partner with her. I don't want any kind of relationship with her, business or social."
"Embezzlement? Elena? This isn't at all what I expected. How long have you had problems with her?"
"A long time. A very long time. While I'm away in Taiwan, I'm surprising Elena with an audit and inspection of the salon operations. I just recently had her sign an NDA, something I should have done long ago. For years Elena has been pumping Mother for information about me, and I need for it to stop. If you and Mother could cease communication with Elena for the time being, I'd appreciate it. I've already cautioned Elliot and Mia."
Elliot and Mia never had much use for Elena, and while they were surprised by my request for non-communication, they each said they'd be happy to never speak to her again. It makes me wonder if she has ever preyed upon either of them. It's a conversation I must have.
"Elena is on several committees with your mother, and she's also helping with the Coping Together gala, which is just around the corner. Avoiding her could be a difficult proposition."
"Dad, please. I absolutely do not want Elena around my family. She's duplicitous and manipulative, and those are her good qualities."
"Whatever you say, son. There's more to this story, isn't there?"
"Yes, and after things settle down, I'll reveal everything. There's something else I need from you and Mother. While I'm gone to Taiwan, do you mind checking in on Anastasia? She'll be in Seattle, all alone. Katherine will be in Barbados with Elliot, remember?"
Dad beams at me.
"Of course. It will be our pleasure to watch over your girl."
"Thanks, Dad."
I impulsively lean into my Dad, and press my forehead down onto his shoulder. I hear his husky intake of breath, and feel his hands on my biceps.
"Anything, son. For you, anything."
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Anastasia
Kate and I are pretty much packed for our move to Seattle. Today is my last day at Clayton's, tonight I will see Christian, and tomorrow is commencement.
Paul Clayton is back in town, having recently graduated from Princeton with a degree in economics. He has a great deal to be proud of, having matriculated Princeton on a football scholarship. In the fall he'll pursue his MBA at Wharton. Paul is a handsome, well-built jock, and he also has academic chops. He's fun and easy to talk to, but I've never been romantically attracted to him.
Just before noon, Mr. and Mrs. Clayton, Paul, Sid, and Mrs. Zinn drag me back to the break room. I see pizza, soda, cake, and balloons.
"For four years, you have faithfully served Clayton's. You've been an exemplary employee, Ana, and you'll be sorely missed by us and by our customers. We send you forth with best wishes for a happy and prosperous new life in Seattle." Mr. Clayton hands me an envelope and shakes my hand. Mrs. Clayton hugs me, and tells me how much she'll miss me.
"Oh, Ana, promise you'll come back and visit." Mrs. Zinn hands me a wrapped package.
Sid hugs me shyly and shoves a small box of chocolates at me. "I remembered how much you like dark chocolate."
I am overcome with tears.
"Thank you all so much. I'll never forget any of you, and I'll always remember my special time here."
Paul hands me a Kleenex.
"Could I finally get a hug, Ana?"
I nod, and fold into his strapping frame.
"Excuse me, are you open for business?" I hear the deep timbre of a familiar voice.
It's Christian. He's here, and he's none too pleased to see Paul's arms around me.
I quickly break away from Paul, and instinctively take steps toward Christian.
Mr. Clayton explains why the store has been unattended for the last couple of minutes.
"Yes, we're open. It's Ana's last day, and we just wanted to give her a proper send-off. How can we help you?"
"Miss Steele knows what I need. I was hoping she could help me." Christian bores into me with laser like focus. "Anastasia, are you too busy?"
"Of course not. Christian, I'd like you to meet my employers, Mr. and Mrs. Clayton. These are my co-workers, Sid, Paul, and Mrs. Zinn. This is my friend, Christian Grey."
"Christian Grey? You're THE Christian Grey. Wow. It's such a pleasure to meet you. I'm Paul Clayton." Paul sticks out his hand to Christian, and Christian reluctantly takes it.
Christian is clearly irritated, so I explain why Paul is acting like such a fanboy.
"Paul just graduated from Princeton and will be attending Wharton in the fall."
"I dropped out of Harvard myself. Never had any need for business school or a degree, but whatever floats your boat. Anastasia?" Christian puts his hand out to me. I move forward to take it, but Paul grabs my elbow and pulls me back.
"Don't you want to stay here and enjoy your lunch, open your gifts? I'll help Mr. Grey."
Paul is attempting to get face time with Christian.
"Paul, is it?"
Paul nods at Christian.
"Anastasia is the only reason I came into this store. If she isn't available to assist me, then I must take my business elsewhere."
"Of course, Mr. Grey." Mr. Clayton intervenes. "We'll leave you in Anastasia's capable hands."
Christian smirks, more than happy with Mr. Clayton's phrasing.
"Don't wait for me. Please go ahead and eat," I tell my co-workers.
I follow Christian into the store.
"What can I help you with, Mr. Grey?"
I smile, feeling flirtatious in the presence of his male magnificence. The afternoon sun streams in through the glass storefront, highlighting the strands of gold in his copper mane. His gray eyes shimmer, and he cocks his head to the side, eyeing me up and down.
"I've missed you. I want to talk to you."
"I've missed you, too. Are we still on for tonight?"
"Of course we're still on." Out of frustration, Christian pulls at his hair. "Who is Paul to you? Is he your boyfriend? Have there been developments I'm not aware of?"
"No. Paul is nothing but a co-worker and a friend. He asks me out from time to time, but I always tell him no."
Christian leads me behind the end cap, between the paint and wallpaper aisles. He grabs my shoulders and presses me up against a bathroom decorating display.
"You are mine, Anastasia. No one else takes you out. Only me. Not Paul. Not José. Not Ethan Kavanagh. Only me."
Christian grabs the back of my head with one hand and my ass with the other. He grinds into me, and assaults my mouth with his. Oh, dear God, his warm, strong body feels so good. And that tongue. That tongue owns me.
"Yes." I come up for air. "Only you. Yours."
"Mine!" He growls. "I'm going to date you, Anastasia. I'm going to date you so hard."
Christian's hands are all over me, and mine are all over him. I accidentally touch Christian's back, but he doesn't seem to notice. We kiss passionately for what must be a good solid minute, and slowly pull away from each other.
"Baby, I've been wanting to do that since I said goodbye to you at SEATAC."
"I've missed you, too."
I hear Paul and Mr. Clayton moving toward us, discussing a special order of metal roofing.
"Come over here. You need to look like you're shopping. Paul has a big mouth. He's a gossip, and he's the sort who would brag about knowing you. He'd enjoy telling about Christian Grey kissing a clerk in his brother's store."
I lead Christian over to plumbing supplies.
"Clogged toilet, Mr. Grey? We have three styles of plungers to choose from. If your toilet needs a flapper or ball-cock, we have those as well."
Christian joins me in laughter, and then stills, eyeing me lasciviously.
"I'll give you all the ball-cock you can handle, Miss Steele."
"Yes. I do recall how well you give it to me." I feel my face flush at the memory of Christian's impressive apparatus.
"I'm serious, Anastasia. I want to move forward with you. The two of us. Together. I want to be your boyfriend. I want you to be my girlfriend. We can go on dates. It will be a novel experience for both of us."
"What about the contract and the rules? The punishments?"
"No contract, no rules, no punishments. Only pleasure and fun."
"Christian." I lead him by the hand, and head outside. The sidewalk is empty. I see a black SUV with a man leaning against the door. I recognize him as Christian's personal security, but I can't remember his name. "Something's been bothering me."
"What?" Christian sounds worried.
"Do you think it's possible to develop feelings for me? You told me…you can't ever love me. Won't ever love me."
"Shit. I did say that, didn't I? Has that been holding you back?"
"Yes. I don't want to get more involved if there's no possibility for growth in our friendship."
"I was wrong about that. Baby, if I could ever love anyone, it would be you. You're the most lovable person on the planet. I don't want a submissive. I want you, exactly the way you are. Only you."
"Will you spank me?"
"Do you want me to spank you?"
"Yes, I enjoyed it very much. Very, very much, if you want to know the truth. It was fun and sexy. It was foreplay, not some punishment linked to refusing green beans or missing a workout session."
"It would be my great pleasure to spank you. And I'd like for you to eat your green beans and work out, but if you don't, I'll never punish you."
"If you can accept me the way I am, and not expect submission, I'd like very much to be your girlfriend. But I don't want you forcing yourself to be something you're not. Would you really want to take me out on a Friday night for bowling and chili dogs?"
"I'd be honored to take you out for bowling and chili dogs. You're everything I need and want, Anastasia Steele. My Ana."
No one has ever said my name so sweetly, with such reverence and affection.
"Yes, your Ana."
Christian pushes my chin up and kisses me lightly, tenderly.
"I've got to get back to work, boyfriend. I'll see you tonight."
"Laters, girlfriend."
We part reluctantly, eager for tonight's reunion.
Christian
She looks back over her shoulder, gives me a beautiful smile and calls me boyfriend.
Could life get any better? This must be what happiness feels like.
"Take me back to the Heathman," I order Taylor. "I have some calls to make, and then I need to get ready for a night out with my girlfriend. Did you hear that, Taylor? I have a girlfriend."
Taylor's eyes widen in surprise, and he produces the biggest smile I've ever seen from him.
"Congratulations, sir. May I share the news with Gail?"
"Share it with the world. Anastasia Steele is mine."
XXXXXXX
It's almost nine. I've been on a call with Ros, and I'm late getting to Henry's Tavern. I can't find Anastasia or my siblings, and apparently have missed them. This bar was their first stop. Anastasia is driving Katherine's car, serving as designated driver for Mia, Elliot, Katherine, and Ethan. I'm not happy about this Ethan fucker coming along, but hopefully I can keep him, and that asshat, José, away from her.
I text Anastasia, and she tells me they have just arrived at Rogue Hall, on the Portland State campus. Taylor takes me to the next destination. I've never done this sort of thing before, and it's fun meeting up with Anastasia, Mia, and Elliot. I'm in such a great mood, that I almost look forward to seeing Katherine Kavanagh.
Taylor drops me off at the door of Rogue. After parking he'll return to take a seat in a corner. I look around and see my beautiful girlfriend seated at a large table with my siblings and several people I don't know. Anastasia sees me and waves excitedly. She points at an empty seat next to her.
When I reach her, I embrace her with all I'm worth. It feels so good to have her in my arms. I give her a chaste kiss on the lips, not wanting to embarrass her with too much PDA.
"You saved me a seat," I whisper.
"Well, of course I did. You're my boyfriend."
"And don't you forget it, my beautiful girlfriend."
"Ana, you've been holding out on us."
A dark-haired exotic beauty is openly ogling me. Shit, doesn't she have any respect for Ana?
"Christian, I want you to meet Becca. This is Marisol, Levi, Travis, and José." Anastasia goes around the table with introductions. "And last, but never least, is Ethan. This is my boyfriend, Christian."
I'm on top of the world! Anastasia has just introduced as her boyfriend.
"You guys are together, like officially? Oh. My. God." Mia is out of her seat, hugging Anastasia.
"Nice going, bro!" Elliot punches my bicep and shakes my hand. "You finally sealed the deal."
"I have to take a pic of you two and text Mom!" Mia kisses my cheek, and pushes me closer to Anastasia for the photo.
I see Becca and that Levi clown are taking photos as well. What the fuck! They haven't signed NDAs and I have no control or authority over any of these people. This is the kind of shit that stresses me out.
Katherine and her brother take turns hugging Anastasia. Katherine kisses my cheek and Ethan Kavanagh shakes my hand.
"It's great to meet you, Christian. I'm happy for both of you. Ana's my other sister, so look after her. She deserves the best."
My opinion of Ethan Kavanagh has improved greatly. He seems completely sincere in his brotherly concern for Anastasia.
"I intend to give Anastasia the world. I'll take care of her."
"I believe you will. Welcome to the family."
His words make me feel immeasurably better, and I feel I can relax around him. On the other hand, that José fucker is giving me the stink eye. I can feel him watching me, and when I turn toward him, he looks away.
I order a round of drinks for the table, and by the time we're served, it's after ten. The bar is getting crowded. Anastasia takes off her denim jacket and fans herself.
"I'm going to the ladies' room. Back in a minute."
"You aren't going by yourself. I'll escort you."
"You're a tad overprotective, Mr. Grey."
"I'm your boyfriend. You'll just have to live with it."
Hand in hand, we walk to the restrooms in the back. Thankfully, there's no line.
When Anastasia exits, she appears pale and wan.
"Baby, what's wrong?"
"I think I need to go home and get in bed. I'm just tired. Everything's catching up with me."
"Taylor and I will take you home."
"I'm the designated driver. How will the others get home?"
"How about we take the SUV and Taylor can drive the others home in Katherine's car?"
"Okay. Let's square that with Kate."
We no sooner get back to the table, when Anastasia passes out in my arms.
Katherine jumps up in alarm.
"I'm taking Anastasia home. Or perhaps the Heathman would be best. It's closer."
"Yes, take her. Text and let me know where you end up." Katherine gathers up Anastasia's things.
"Do you want me to assign Taylor to drive you all home? He can drive your car, then take a cab home. I've only had one beer, and I was going to take my SUV."
"Okay. Just take good care of her." While I hold Anastasia, Katherine puts the jacket on her, then places the small cross body bag over Anastasia's head.
Anastasia comes to, murmuring, "I'm so tired. It's hot in here."
"You fainted. I'm taking you home, baby." I scoop her into my arms, and she puts her hands around my neck. Taylor accompanies us, ensuring we make it safely into the car.
"Where to, Anastasia? I want to take you to my suite at the Heathman, but where do you want to go?"
"Could you take me back to my apartment, so I can get my things for tomorrow? Then I can stay with you at the Heathman. Does that work?"
I'm ecstatic.
"That works perfectly. You make me very happy, Anastasia Steele. Now if you can tell me how to get to your place."
Anastasia gives me directions to her place in Vancouver, then tells me she heard back from Seattle Independent Publishing.
"Elizabeth Morgan, the personnel director, said they really like me, but had to let an editor go, so now there's no place for me. She did offer some part-time work, which I accepted, reading through their submission backlog. I can do it at home, and gain experience for a full-time publishing job."
"Will that be enough money to sustain you? I'd like to help you out."
"No way! I'll be fine. Papa K has offered the morning job at KKAV, so I'll figure out a way to make them both work. I'm pretty good at managing my time."
"When do you start work?"
"Elizabeth is sending manuscripts right away, so that will start immediately. The news job begins as soon as I return from Savannah. I'm leaving Friday night and I'll be back in Seattle on Tuesday, the 31st. I'll start work at KKAV the next day. I'm excited to learn something new."
The dates of Anastasia's return and new job coincide with the Esclava/Elena events. Those days are going to be crazy for both of us.
"Kavanagh and SIP are fortunate to have you. You'll be very successful, I'm sure. I don't want you spreading yourself too thin. Remember in Montana, when I said I want all your attention? I meant that. I know these jobs are important to you, but we need time together."
"Christian, you are very important to me. I'll always have time for you."
I appreciate Anastasia's reassurance. I need her like the air I breathe.
From what I can see in the dark, Anastasia and Kate live in a nice area. The street is lined on both sides with identical brick duplexes. The apartment interior is serene, decorated in light, earthy tones. Most of their things are packed, and boxes are stacked high in the living area. I follow Anastasia to her room. Her double bed is covered with a quilt done in cream and blue. It's a very soothing environment.
"Have you brought boys in here before?"
Anastasia rolls her eyes at my question, and I resist the urge to chastise her for it.
"Yes. José, Ethan, and Elliot have all been in here. But—" She grabs my shoulders and pushes me onto the bed, sprawling on top of me. "Not like this."
Anastasia holds my face in her hands and kisses me deeply.
"And not like this." She grinds against me.
"And most certainly not like this." Anastasia reaches into my jeans, fishing for my dick, which is rock hard and uncomfortably wedged down my left pant leg.
"Do you want to have me right now in your bed?"
"Well, Mr. Grey, that would leave me with a very special memory of this place."
"Did you start taking the pill my mother prescribed?"
"Um, actually, no."
"And why not?"
There were condoms left over from Montana, and I brought them to Portland with me, but they are back at the hotel. I was really hoping not to need them. I had thought Anastasia would fill the prescription for birth control.
"Because I didn't think I'd ever get to be with you again, and if I can't have you, I don't want anyone else."
All this time, Anastasia has only wanted me.
She wants me, the same way I want her. The thought warms me, comforts me.
"Oh, baby, I'm yours. I brought the Montana condoms, but they're at the Heathman."
"You haven't used them? You haven't gone to clubs? Been with any of your special girls?" Anastasia's eyes are fixed downward on her bedspread.
"You're the only special girl I've ever known." I push her chin up with my forefinger, compelling her to look at me. "If you're referring to submissives, the answer is no. I've not been with any other woman since I met you. I have no desire for anyone other than you. I thought you knew that."
Anastasia gives a small shake of her head, and smiles shyly. She reaches up and grabs a tote bag that was hanging from a hook on the back of her door.
"I wasn't sure. Well, I'd better gather my things, so we can get to your room. I'll hurry."
My girl is as anxious as I am for sex. It's only been a bit over two weeks, but it feels like months since I've been inside Anastasia.
Anastasia races around, stuffing the tote with toiletries, lingerie, heels, and a dress. I see her cap and gown in a clear plastic bag.
"You'll need this."
"Yes! Thank you for helping me remember. I'm looking for my sweet sixteen pearls. Daddy gave them to me…here they are. I'm ready now."
We both take one last look around, ascertaining Anastasia has everything she needs. She quickly texts Katherine to let her know we'll be at the Heathman. We climb back into the SUV. Anastasia looks so fragile and delicate.
"How are you feeling?"
"Worn out. I think I just need a good night's sleep in your arms. I'm so grateful to have you next to me. I don't ever want to take you for granted."
Anastasia gently touches my thigh, running her fingers up and down, then rests her head against the window and falls asleep. She's so, so lovely. She snores softly, and every so often makes a tiny noise, as if she's about to speak in her sleep. After a twenty-minute car nap, she appears refreshed upon our arrival at the Heathman.
We step into an empty elevator. I take the tote bag from Anastasia, and drop it next to me. Being in this enclosed space heightens the charge between us, and I want our hands on each other.
I can't wait. I press myself against her, and cover her mouth with mine. I speak with my lips on hers.
"The things you do to me."
I'm afraid I'll get carried away and take her in this elevator. Anastasia returns my kiss with such fervor, that I believe she'd allow me.
My feelings for Anastasia burst forth. It's a risk, and it may ruin the moment, but I feel a deep need to tell her exactly how I feel about her.
"I never thought such a thing was possible, but I'm in love with you. I am utterly and completely devoted to you. You are everything to me."
I look down into Anastasia's face and see her love for me. She doesn't need to say the words, but she does.
"With every fiber of my being, I love you, too. Oh, Christian, I believe I've loved you since the instant our hands first touched."