Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its character as much as I would love to have a few of them hidden in my closet. They all belong to Mr. Kishimoto. Any of the characters you may not recognize of the canon story belong to me.

Don't Let Go

by Shihori

Chapter Thirteen: Just another day

"You can't be serious." Itachi grumbled at the sight before him.

Tomoe slurped the last noodles of her instant ramen bowl, ignoring the glaring Uchiha standing by the door. "Thank you for the food." She said setting the disposable chopsticks down.

He closed the door and sat down to undo his sandals before stepping into the living room. "Please tell me you have left this room."

"Of course." Tomoe stood up and took the ramen bowl to the sink and poured the last of the broth down the drain. "How do you think I got the ramen?"

"Tell me you got more than ramen." He walked to the fridge and opened the door. All there was in it was a carton of green tea. "Tomoe, you're recovering." He said struggling for patience. "Do you want to set your health back with this?"

"No mom." Tomoe said, "But seriously, it is not like I need to be in top shape anytime soon."

Itachi watched her walk back into her room to lie on the futon and sighed. Her depression was to be expected. Tomoe had never been one to stay long in one place and for the last six years she had been living as many lives as her missions required. He had never been a spy shinobi but Tomoe's bulk experience lied in that area. A spy lived many more lives than a regular shinobi and returning to their real life could be stressful. Many did not keep permanent ties with people due to the nature of their profession. In fact he had yet to meet a spy shinobi with any family. Those selected had lost their parents, siblings, or lovers at some point in time.

Except for the few in between mission breaks that usually did not last longer than a week or two, she was always pretending to be someone else. Which he knew suited her just fine since she had never been fond of "Kurosagi Tomoe". Living her life had to seem like a daunting task.

"Get up brat." Itachi walked into the room. "We're going out shopping."

"Leave the key I gave you and go." Tomoe said. "Let me be Itachi. I need this."

"No you don't." Itachi crouched next to her. "I thought you said you had given up that stupid notion of dying young. This is no better than that. So get the fuck up Tomoe."

The next morning right after their trial, Itachi had been sent out on a mission that had taken four days to complete. He had not even made it to his new apartment when he turned around and came back to Tomoe's, trusting the envelope with his key to her. Before leaving he had managed to extract a promise from her to get her apartment to livable –not survival only –conditions, and to take care of herself. As soon as he had handed in his report, he'd come over only to find she'd done nothing for herself.

She rolled on to her back and glared at him. "I seriously want my key back."

Itachi brought the key out from a pocket in his vest and dangled it in front of her. When she reached out for it he pulled his hand back and dropped it back into the pocket. "Want it? You'll have to fight me for it. Until then, I come and go from your apartment as I wish. Now don't make me repeat myself. We're going out for real food and some god damn dishes. You're not going anywhere anytime soon Tomoe. Wrap your childish head around that." He stood up and walked towards the door.

Before he knew it, he had to deflect a kick to this head although he had been expecting it. With a sigh, he prepared to swat at the fly she had become. Her pride would be bruised but he knew that treating her with silk gloves would hurt it beyond repair.

"You have one minute to try taking it away from me Tomoe." He warned, "After that, accept defeat. I'm not letting you eat trash and live like a god damn rat." Taking in her furious countenance, he added, "What are you waiting for?"

Sakura was ready to go to the cashier when she turned her head to the store's door and saw Tomoe walk in with someone else. She was glad to see her out of the apartment at last. Several times she'd gone knocking at the door but no one answered and even though they were friends now, she did not feel they were close enough for her to kick down the door and make sure she got some fresh air.

"I guess there was a good reason for my favorite tea cup to break today." Sakura said, glancing briefly at the new cup in her basket and a few other items she could not resist. She followed them to the next aisle and called her out.

Tomoe turned around and blinked as if trying to recognize who had called.

"Tomoe!" Sakura gasped as she saw the purpling swelling on her chin. "What happened to you?"

"Mom did." Tomoe muttered and threw a nasty look at the man with her only a few steps away from them.

"Mom?" Sakura blinked, curious about the guy and just then he turned around with a smirk.

"Apparently I am mom, since I have no choice but to be. Stop sulking already." He said towards Tomoe with a nasty glare. Then nodded towards her. "Kagemori Junoichi. Nice to meet you Haruno Sakura-san."

Sakura's hand had gone straight to her kunai holder at the sight of his face even as the shock seemed to continue to shake her.

"The hokages cleared it." Tomoe said, her hand on Sakura's forearm to stop her from drawing her weapen. "Being friends with Naruto I would have thought you'd know this by now."

"Obviously not." Sakura said through gritted teeth. "Why are you with him?"

Tomoe's annoyance seemed to melt away with the small smile that spread on her lips. "He's a pain but he's my best friend." She said, "Talk to Naruto. He'll explain it to you."

"I will." Sakura vowed silently to give the Nanadaime one hell of a beating for this though. It was a good thing they were meeting for drinks tonight. "So, what happened to your face?"

"We fought." Tomoe said with a shrug. "I did not want to go out and he did not agree about it."

"That is ridiculous!" Sakura said aghast.

"Stop being a bitch Tomoe." Itachi warned from the end of the aisle where he was choosing some pots and pans.

Tomoe sighed while rolling her eyes. "We're in a tiff as you can tell."

Itachi walked back to them and smiled as pleasantly as possible. "Haruno-san," He said, "I am under the impression that you are friends with this stubborn woman. And I know I will probably be the villain in your eyes always; however, if you care at all about her, help her out. She is not even trying to adapt to her new situation."

By new situation Sakura knew he meant her suspension from the ranks. Tsunade-shishou had grumbled last night about it through their whole girls' night out after she had suggested inviting Tomoe as well.

Quickly looking Tomoe over, Sakura understood what he meant. "I see."

As if satisfied that there was one more person involved, he nodded his thanks and walked away, only to stop to grab a teapot before disappearing to the next aisle with the cart.

"Is he shopping for you?" Sakura asked, confused with this situation.

Tomoe sighed, "He says I have to make a life here for two years so I can't live on instant ramen and orange juice for that time."

"I tell Naruto that all the time." Sakura frowned, "Is that what you have been doing? You are in recovery senpai. Junk food will only set your health back."

"I know I know." Tomoe muttered, "Got my mommy scolding already. Please spare me another one. I know both of you mean well."

Sakura sighed, "I don't want to think how little you have been caring for yourself these four days out of the hospital but I am sure no one wants you to go back there."

"I better find him before he pays for everything." Tomoe turned away, obviously trying to end the subject.

"You're not getting rid of me that fast." Sakura said sticking to her side. "Tomorrow is my day off. You will open your door this time senpai –don't think I don't know you've been ignoring me the last two days I stopped by." She glared at her. "We are going out shopping and I'm not taking no for an answer or any 'I don't have any money' type of excuse."

"Great." Tomoe said with the enthusiasm of someone having a root canal. As they turned out of another aisle they spotted Itachi at the checkout already. "I knew it." She hurried to him and smacked him on the arm. "I meant it when I said I'd geld you if you paid for my things."

"You are all sweetness aren't you?" He countered as he unloaded the cart.

"And you are all honey and spice and everything nice?" She fumed.

Sakura watched them argue and realized immediately that the animosity was completely superficial. It was obvious they had a good friendship.

"What's with all the flower power?" Tomoe frowned as he placed a set of bowls and cups with painted flowers onto the counter.

"Hoping some femininity will rub off on you if you look at enough feminine things." He said, taking yet another one of her complaints in stride.

Sakura by now would have yelled at her that she should choose her own things then. They were obviously enjoying their tiff. "Just like a couple." She muttered.

Tomoe heard that and the glare just transferred to the new target. "In what walk of hell would that be?"

Sakura laughed nervously, backing a step, not missing the way Itachi's eyes veered away as he said nothing.

"I guess we have to add chocolate and pads to the shopping list." He said loud enough for anyone to hear. "Your time must be around the corner with how bitchy you are."

Tomoe went speechless except for some garbled noises of outrage coming from her mouth. Sakura could not feel sorry for her but made an effort not to laugh. The tender seemed to be having the same problem.

"So that did the trick." Itachi muttered. "Pay the lady and stop being a pain Tomoe."

While Tomoe paid up, Itachi nodded at her before leaving, carrying the box with the purchases in both arms.

"I will see you tomorrow Tomoe-senpai." Sakura said as she moved up to the cashier to pay for her things.

Tomoe's shoulders seemed to slump a little more. "Alright. See you then." And then she walked away with Itachi.

"That's one cute couple." The lady behind the cash chuckled as she rang the items.

Cute was not the word Sakura would have used, but she smiled all the same. They definitely acted like a couple that had been together for a long time.

Sakura headed to the barbeque restaurant where she had agreed to meet with her friends. She greeted Shikamaru and Ino who had made it first. Choji showed up after. Sai, Tenten and Neji came up next. Finally the one she had been waiting for walked up to them with his usual wide grin and aloof manner. Next to him were Hinata and Kiba.

"How's it going Sakura-cha-"

Before he could finish, her fist had connected with his face and he was sent flying away. She went after him while the others looked on as if it was nothing new.

"What did I do Sakura-chan?" Naruto wailed holding his swelling cheek.

Sakura smiled at him as she crouched and she felt better after watching him pale even more. "Why did you not tell me about a certain dead person walking about Konoha?"

Naruto blinked as if confused for a moment and then he said, "Ah. Yeah…I meant to but I forgot. We did send him on a mission the day after."

Sakura sighed, dropping her head. "I almost engaged him Naruto. It was so weird though to find him in the home store shopping for Tomoe like they were a couple."

"Ah." Naruto rubbed his face as he stood up. "Don't know anything about that but I was actually going to tell you all about it. That's why the restaurant is reserved for us."

"Are you taking advantage of your new status?" Sakura gave him a pointed look as she dusted his back.

"No." he said, "I was just hungry and did not see the point in calling you all to the office just for that. A few of us do need the drinks tonight."

"Is the job driving you to drink Naruto?" Kiba, who had decided to fetch them, grinned as he made fun of him, "Too much for you?"

"Shut up Kiba." Naruto grumbled, "Let's go in. I'm famished."

Sakura watched from the chair next to Tomoe's as the long tresses were clipped little by little to ear length. She had tried talking the woman out of it, but to a degree she understood. Of course her reasoning back when she was younger to cut her hair had been more about a guy than anything. Tomoe's decision was most definitely not about a man.

She had been drilling her all about taking advantage of her time off and making the best of it, starting anew and all that. So when she said she'd cut her hair all her encouraging comments backfired. She had to admit however that the haircut had chopped off the tired look from her face. As it grew shorter and shorter she had noticed Tomoe seemed to be regaining the calm exterior that Sakura had remembered from before. If truth be said, Sakura had admired the calmness with which her senpai had taken her imprisonment and hospital recovery.

Seeing her yesterday the way she was had been a bit of a shock, but after Naruto had explained the whole Itachi situation, he had confided a little more to her about Tomoe. They looked so different and yet if you were aware of their relationship you could see it.

"Thank you for today, Sakura." Tomoe said once the hairdresser was done. She smiled at her reflection on the mirror. "I kind of needed it."

"You just wouldn't accept it earlier." Sakura teased, remembering how she had to practically drag her out grumbling from the room. "You had turned into a cave monster."

She sighed and shrugged. "I couldn't help it."

They paid and grabbed the six bags of purchases, heading out in search of food.

"I felt really angry when he left for that mission soon after being cleared to stay." Tomoe said softly, "That should have been me, was what kept going through my head. So when Ichi came back I could not help but go for a fight with him."

Sakura had gotten used to Itachi being called Ichi. There was no way they could use his real name in public without calling someone's attention. It helped that he looked slightly different as well. It made it easier for him to not be recognized.

"I truly believed I was ready to let go." She ran a hand through her short hair. "Maybe I was but I had no way to get ready for what came after the trial."

"It is only two years though." Sakura said, "I know it is not an easy prospect but at least it is not permanent. You will come back to the ranks when the time is up. I cannot pretend to say it will be good for you but all you can do is make the best of it, right?"

"Yeah, there's no other way to go about it." Tomoe nodded and rubbed at her bare neck. "I guess I'll have to apologize to mom. And thank him for the chocolate."

Sakura smirked, "Don't tell me he was right."

"Sadly his creepy intuition was bang on." Tomoe laughed.

"God. You sure seem like a couple. When I told Naruto that yesterday he snorted his sake at me. I could have killed him for that." Sakura chuckled at the memory, but she did hit him pretty hard a second time that night. "As soon as he was able to breathe through his nose again he admitted he had thought the same after the trial was over."

Tomoe chuckled, "Well we're not. We've just been together for a long time. You know Naruto well too no? You have no qualms on hitting the hokage, right?" She laughed at Sakura's abashed look. "Itachi and I are the same. We've been through too much on our own but our friendship has never changed. We can be ourselves with each other."

"I understand." Sakura said, "Were you teammates in school too?"

"We were rivals." Tomoe laughed, "I was always trying to surpass him."

"Good heavens," Sakura shook her head. "And here I thought Sasuke and Naruto were a pair of a kind."

"But that all came to an end when he saved me after the Kyuubi's attack to the village." Tomoe chuckled. "Couldn't hate the guy after that."

The afternoon was spent sharing stories, mostly Sakura's and she did not mind that. It helped Tomoe relax. Yet she wanted to ask something that was probably not relaxing at all.

Naruto had told her they had yet to talk and Tomoe had promised to look for him. Naruto had tried to sound aloof when he said it was alright to keep waiting. After all it had been so long without family that he could wait a few more days. Sakura really wanted to meddle and talk Tomoe into approaching Naruto already.

"Thank you again for your help Sakura." Tomoe said as she opened the door to her apartment and set the bags on the floor.

"I enjoyed myself." Sakura admitted, "So no need to thank me. I love shopping whether it's for me or someone else."

"Well without you I would have been lost." Tomoe took the bags from her hands and put them next to the others. "The few nice pieces I've had have always been presents. I've never been one to fuss with my appearance."

Sakura giggled, "Yeah, that was obvious yesterday."

"I guess I won't live that down for a while." Tomoe smiled. "Let's meet up next time you're off ok? I'll treat you to drinks or something as thanks."

"Can't say no to free drinks." Sakura grinned. "See you then."

"Bye." Tomoe waved and began closing the door.

"Senpai." Sakura called out, feeling a bit exasperated with her impatient self. "I don't mean to meddle but how long are you going to wait to talk to Naruto?"

Tomoe laughed, "Took you long enough to ask. I really wondered when you'd give in and ask."

"What do you mean?" Sakura looked confused at her.

"Sakura," Tomoe gave her an unrepentant grin. "Information was my coin of trade. Did you think I would not learn as much as I could of Naruto and those who surrounded him?"

"Ah." Sakura blinked. Of course, she thought, I was forgetting for a moment who she was dealing with. She had not sensed any animosity from Naruto yesterday when he confided on her about his sister.

Whatever Tsunade-shihou had said to him had probably been positive enough for him not to go demanding answers from Tomoe. And now her words seemed to settle the thoughts she had been having about what little she knew. Right then, she understood Tomoe had always kept an eye on her little brother.

"Why didn't you approach him, ever?" Sakura blurted out before she could hold herself back. "Many things could have been different if you had."

"Could haves, may haves –there's no point to wondering about that is there?" Tomoe pointed out with a sad smile. "I cannot tell you my reasons, but I can tell you I took the only option that was left to me. I'll see you soon. Good night Sakura."

Sakura stared at the closed door, berating herself silently for her big mouth. With a sigh, she realized her main question had not been answered.

Tomoe kept feeling her determination falter as she approached the Hokage tower. From behind it the mountain with the hokage faces loomed like a great giant, watching over the village. Next to Tsunade's face were two sets of scaffolds where the faces of Hatake Kakashi and Uzumaki Naruto were beginning to take form.

Deep down, Tomoe did not know if she had any answers that might satisfy Naruto. She had told Sakura earlier that she had kept tabs on Naruto and his friends, which she had, but she truly did not know him. That was a regret she would always carry –not knowing her brother for all those years. She had a small hope that it would change after tonight.

Upon entering the building she requested Shizune who was acting as secretary for the hokages in the meantime. Sakura had laughed at how Tsunade-hime had not wanted to become hokage and now that she no longer had the position, she kept finding ways to keep her ears inside the office. Shizune-senpai had supposedly volunteered to help the new hokages settle into office but both students of the ol' slug princess knew better. Their senpai had to have been threatened by their teacher with great pain to "offer" her help.

"Tomoe." Shizune greeted her with a warm smile. "How are you doing?"

"Better now, senpai." Tomoe said with a short bow. "Thank you for asking." She was being honest when she said she felt better, she realized. Having Itachi back in town and Sakura helping her out earlier had restored her somewhat. It was easy to give in to despair when there was no one else to take comfort from their presence. "I was wondering if Nanadaime was still around."

"Yes he is." Shizune chuckled, "He is whining about the paperwork but even between the two of them they have yet to finish. It does not help that I keep having to hound them during the day when they escape the office at some point."

"Even Hatake-senpai?" Tomoe said, somewhat disbelieving that he would shirk his duty like that.

Shizune's tone was deadpan. "Yes. He should be setting an example to Naruto and many times he's the first to escape somewhere to read his trashy novels."

Tomoe knew she had to look quite surprised since Shizune began laughing at her. "Not that any of that is anything new. Go on up. I'm sure Dai won't be surprised to see you. I have to take these to payroll or none of us will get a cent on time next payday."

Dai greeted her when she came around and after a little small talk, she knocked on the door. Without waiting for the go ahead, Dai opened the door for her. That's when they both found Hatake Kakashi climbing onto the window.

"Hold on!" Tomoe yelled at him, "Get back down senpai!"

"Ah!" Kakashi turned around and jumped down right away. "Kurosagi-san! How are you?"

"I'm well, but you won't be if Shizune does not find you here." Tomoe glared at him. Behind her, Dai closed the door gladly handing over the troublemakers to her. "Stop giving her trouble. And where is Naruto?"

Kakashi's eyes gave way to a sheepish grin and pointed at the window behind him. Tomoe rolled her eyes and hurried to the window from where she could see the entire village. She spotted Naruto only a few buildings away. Taking a deep breath, she yelled with all her might. "Uzumaki Naruto! Get the hell back here. Now!"

He faltered on his next jump and stumbled upon the building's roof. She watched him roll around rubbing at his face, which had taken the landing first. When he was done, he looked up and stood up to make his way back slowly.

Next to her Kakashi was snickering. "That's one impressive command tone Kurosagi. I did not know you had it in you."

"Get back to work Rokudaime." Tomoe glared at him. "Pretend I am not here."

"I can't do that." Kakashi said innocently, "And I am done."

"If you were done you wouldn't be sneaking away through the window." Tomoe pointed out.

"It is the fastest way out." Kakashi said, sitting at his desk. With a resigned sigh, he took a document from the large pile at his right and began reading. "I really don't know what I did to Tsunade-sama to hate me so."

"Maybe being too young for her." Tomoe snickered at his bewildered look.

"That was not nice of you." He pointed out.

"Sorry." Tomoe laughed, "I'll let you concentrate on your paperwork." She looked out the window again and watched Naruto still making his way to the tower. He was most definitely taking his time, which was just fine with her.

"You cut your hair."

Tomoe turned with a smile on her face. "Yes." She was glad he was there to keep her mind from wandering to negative thoughts. Now that she was there her nerve was attempting to falter big time.

He abandoned the document on the desk and came over to her right side taking a quick look out the window before turning back to her. "I need to talk to you."

Tomoe pushed away from the window, "Is something wrong? Did you have troubles with the vault or my reports?"

Kakashi seemed taken aback for a split second before he rubbed the back of his head. "No –nothing of the sort."

Tomoe ran through her head any possible topics they might have in common and there was only one she could think off. "Is it about that mission again? I told you already it's alright."

His right eye turned to the window again for a quick look then he sighed and muttered softly. "Totally hopeless."

"Huh?" Tomoe was utterly confused. "What is?"

One moment he was a small distance apart from her, the next she felt the pull on the obi of her kimono blouse, closing the gap between them as he took a step forward as well. Before she could formulate another question she heard him say 'me' in reply to her previous one as he pulled down his mask and brought his face down to hers.

A gasp escaped her lips a brief instant before his mouth touched hers. She hesitated for a moment, not sure what would be the appropriate thing to do. After all they were standing in the Hokage office, with Naruto approaching and anyone outside the door that might come through at any moment just like she had minutes ago.

Then the hand that had pulled her closer by the obi slid up her arm to end in a gentle, but firm grip over the nape of her neck. The chill that ran down her back at the contact of his rough palm on her sensitive skin made her gasp again. She knew he took that as an invitation for his tongue invaded her mouth and she could not help responding in kind then, following his lead.

Just as suddenly as it had begun, the kiss came to an end much to her dismay. Tomoe felt a final nip on her lower lip before his lips left hers completely. She felt in a daze as she brought her eyes up to his just as he was reaching over to pull the headband off his left eye.

It was a crime, she thought, the way he kept his face hidden away like that.

"I wanted to do that," He said interrupting her thoughts while looking into her eyes, "The morning of your trial before the ANBU interrupted our walk."

Tomoe felt her cheeks warm up, remembering not for the first time since that day, how bold she had been that day. She had felt empowered by the sudden sense of freedom that she had given in to a whim. It all came back to that mission and all the unexpected feelings seeing him again had brought up in her during the time in Fire city. All that had crossed her mind at that moment as she ordered him not to move was 'I died twice and never got to kiss him.'

Later, after the trial, she tried figuring out why it had seemed imperative to do something so uncharacteristic of her, and she would come up with nothing.

She had not known how she would face him next time they came across each other and her worries had vanished at the sight of him ready to escape. The outrage had saved her from feeling embarrassed around him and had lowered her defenses.

He pulled his mask back over his face and she immediately knew Naruto was close. She stepped back a proper distance, the warmth on her face spreading to her ears. Hearing him chuckle made her throw an annoyed glare his way.

"No worries." He said as he returned to his desk. "There is no sign saying just kissed on your face."

Before she could give him a reply, Naruto showed up at the window. "Tsunade-baa-chan was definitely your sensei. I thought for a moment it had been her who had caught me."

"Never thought that would come into use, but glad I learned to emulate her tone." Tomoe said, crossing her arms over her chest. "I promised to find you, no? I did not think I'd find you escaping your job though."

Naruto gave her a sheepish grin. "I could not take any more reading and stamping. My eyes hurt."

Tomoe sighed, "Well I could not jump after you, so sorry I made you come back." A thought came up and it worried her. "I did not interrupt your evening in anyway did I? Were you heading to see someone?"

"Ah." Naruto blinked, "No no. Not rea- ah…well yeah. But that's alright. It can wait."

"I can come another day." Tomoe began but Naruto's eyes turned hard on her. "Or not."

"Have you eaten yet?" Naruto said, "I'm starving."

"No." Tomoe turned to the door with him. "Where would you like to go?"

As they took a few steps to the door, another voice piped in. "And so I am abandoned to all the paperwork! Naruto, don't leave all the work to me."

Naruto laughed as he turned to address the other hokage. "Sorry sensei, but I've been really looking forward to this."

"Oh?" Kakashi looked at them curiously.

Naruto realized then that he had not told him anything yet. "You did not come around yesterday sensei. I had hoped to tell you along with Sakura about us." He said looking at Tomoe briefly.

Tomoe realized from Kakashi's suddenly worried look what he had to be thinking, so she hurried to say, "We're siblings." His face went from worry to surprise right away. "It's a long story and we have not discussed it yet, so we're doing that tonight."

"Yeah. So I'll see you tomorrow sensei." Naruto waved at him and went through the door.

Tomoe nodded towards him as a good-bye but he said before she could close the door. "I still need to talk to you."

Tomoe stared at him wondering if it would be best to just cut this now. She was not made for this. She had never felt anything for men in general, and yet…

She felt her lips tilt with a small smile. "I'll be in town." And with that she closed the door to the office.

Naruto was waiting at the end of the hallway and she hurried to him. She knew she should concentrate on him now, but the butterflies in her stomach had nothing to do with the conversation to come and all with the man she had just left behind that door.

Gods, she thought with wonder, is this truly happening to me? Unconsciously she brought fingers to her lips where she could still feel his like a phantom memory.

"Is something the matter?" Naruto asked, bringing her back to reality. His tone was very formal as if he was getting emotionally detached to deal with her.

"No." She whipped her hand down right away and looked up at him. "Where should we go?"

Naruto seemed to ponder about it as they walked out of the tower, pausing only a few times to wave at other people that greeted him as he went by.

Tomoe allowed the silence to go on. It was a tense silence. Walking next to him at a distance made her sober up from her silly girl giddiness from minutes earlier. They were walking through the park when Naruto suddenly stopped so she turned to face him.

He was frowning as he stared at her face. The least she could do was face him properly. "Tsunade-baa-chan told me everything as you know. Or at least what I hope is everything."

Tomoe nodded, "She told me word by word what you two talked about while I was at the hospital. Nothing was held back from you by her Naruto."

Naruto relaxed a notch. It had obviously bothered him to be lied to and was expecting more secrets. "I have not searched the files she mentioned. I admired the Sandaime. Still do, but part of me does not want to dig at it without talking to you first. I might never do so."

Tomoe did not know what to answer to that so she just kept quiet, letting him gather his thoughts.

"I just want to know one thing from you." Naruto said, his hands closing into fists. "Why did you not come to me after Sandaime was dead? After Danzo was dead? What more harm could those left do?"

Tomoe pressed her lips together. She had not expected this to come out so soon, but it seemed it was the only thing keeping them apart. "I cannot give you any reason that might explain or justify my actions Naruto." She sighed, "I was forced to let you go when I didn't even have you. I-"

She grabbed her head for a moment, trying to gather her thoughts into coherent sentences wishing the painful emptiness the memories of those days brought her. With a sigh, she let go. "I swore I would not approach you and never understood why you were not allowed to grow knowing yourself a loved child, but that was their decision and they forced it down on me and on Tsunade-shishou. I grew up determined to be strong for you, to aide you even from the shadows if you were ever to be in great danger, but I was watched, day and night. If I were to walk by you in the streets, if I was to so much as look up and smile at your newest graffiti on the hokage mountain, I would find myself before the council."

She shook her head, trying to clear her head from the oppressiveness of those days. "It became second nature Naruto, trying not to exist in your life. When Sandaime and Danzo were gone, the other two were still left and I knew hard days were coming to Konoha. With the nature of my new position as Rei I did not believe I would live longer than a year or two. It did not seem fair to approach you then."

"I-" Tomoe realized she had been staring at the paving stones instead of him. Slowly she looked up at him and the look in his eyes brought tears to hers. "I was too scared to be part of anyone's life Naruto."

Tears ran down her cheeks unbidden. "I felt I did not deserve to try being part of yours after I could do nothing when you were smaller and needed to know you were loved more than ever. I could not forgive myself for being weak then and I did not realize that to not act when the binds relaxed slightly was another act of cowardice. How could I walk up to you and say 'hi! I'm your sister sorry I have not been around' when I know how much you suffered while I had no option but to stand-by and do nothing?"

"All you had to do was just that." Naruto said with a torn tone. "There was no 'too late' before now." He looked away and ran a hand through his blonde head. "I cannot understand why you did not approach me. Everything you've said makes no sense to me."

"Because you have no weak bone in your body Naruto. Shishou said so." Tomoe wiped at her tears. "Until recently I did not know how weak I am Naruto. I was forbidden to be with you so I closed myself to everyone in various degrees. I thought doing what I could from the shadows was the best. I thought becoming an unquestioning tool for the sake of Konoha was what I was meant to be if that would keep you safe. Why would anyone want a coward like me that could not protect her own blood anyways? That is what I would tell myself whenever I felt like reaching out. I am weak Naruto and I had convinced myself that I was strong for enduring all this on my own. I truly have no excuse or words that might make you feel better or accept what I did."

Naruto gritted his teeth and turned away from her to pace at a safe distance. It seemed an eternity before he spoke again, yet did not look at her. "I don't know what to make of this –of you. I think I need time to think it through."

Tomoe nodded even though he could not see her. "I understand. I'm not going anywhere this time so take your time."

She watched him walk away unable to say anything that might make things better. Being honest with herself and with others was not an easy practice for someone whose trade had come to life with each lie and each cover she ever made. But she had no other choice than honesty now.

Tomoe did not lie to him just now but she could not bring herself to say the words 'I'm sorry'. Would they have made him feel better had she said them? Or worse? Sorry I was not there for you when you were bullied. Sorry I was not there to stand up for you against the world.

No, she thought. The things she was apologetic about were not the things he was upset about. But she could not apologize sincerely for her actions. They were decisions she took with the mind set of someone without personal ties.

Naruto was never allowed to be part of her life as much as she was denied to be part of his. As if it had not been enough, she then lost her best friend to another plot of the council even if she did not know it then. Losses had shaped her mind and by the time she could have approached Naruto she had dreaded losing him either to death or to the council again. Not once had she dreaded to be rejected. Rejection meant she had tried. If she did not try she did not lose.

A coward's reasoning. She knew that now and now was too late to do anything about it but wait.

Final Check: 7/31/2014