Disclaimer: I do not own Soul Eater, nor do I own any other works or properties mentioned in this story
Editorial status: rough
A/N: Well, this has been long in coming. I'm sorry about the delay in getting this chapter up and written. I'd like to claim school and life got in the way, but a serious case of apathy and loss of muse were the prime reasons that I didn't write sooner.
I hate to compound scarcity with brevity, but this is short chapter. Just something to get my creative juices flowing again.
Nine to Life
Chapter 14: My Head Hurts
Soul stared at the wall in front of him through half-lidded eyes. He sniffed derisively, at nothing specific, just the situation. He tried to shift his arm that was going to sleep. The tinkling and rattling of metal sounded in response.
"So... remind me again how I would up chained to you two?" Soul asked his companions.
Black Star and Kid sat with their backs to him and each other in a triangle formation. Chained at the wrists to their neighbor. The chains wound behind their backs and forced their arms to cross, removing the usefulness of their arms.
"I said I was sorry." Black Star grumbled.
"What possessed you to make a cat call at Maka? And when such a sensitive topic was on the table at that." Kid asked him in bored irritation.
"It seemed like a good idea at the time-"
"Famous last words before a scene transition." Soul noted sarcastically.
"How was I supposed to know that Maka would sick the girls on me? Black Star continued. "That's how we've been for years! She gets vulnerable and I make a joke and everything gets less tense. But nooooo. Now she thinks it's funny to bribe a janitor and lock us up in his office."
"Dude, she'd freaking pregnant. Hormones, man. You know when I came to school with a limp the other day? Yeah. Hormones." Soul growled. "You learn when not to do something stupid real quick."
"And we got pulled into this by proxy." Kid stated.
"More like having a Y chromosome." Soul sighed.
"Can't you turn into a weapon and get out of these?" Black Star asked.
"It won't work." Soul answered.
"How do you know?" Kid asked in curiosity.
"Tried it with handcuffs once. When I turn back, I wind up still tied up. Dunno how."
"...Handcuffs?" Black Star asked suspiciously.
"Maka fell asleep one night after we tried-"
"Stop!" Kid and Black Star said in unison.
Silence filled the cool, concrete room.
"At least we have the TV." Black Star noted. "Gotta be something on."
"Dude, that's an old analog. Remember that deal about switching away from those a few years ago? That TV doesn't have a converter box. That means, God forbid, if we actually get a signal in here, we'll be subject to whatever some wackjob with a tinfoil hat is broadcasting." Soul was quick to burst this bubble.
"It's better than listening to you two breathe and air vents." Black Star grumbled and stood up, dragging his fellow prisoners with him. Yanking Soul around to allow his hand to reach the dial, he turned on the TV and scanned through the channels, using his teeth to turn to knob.
A series of static and snow-filled channels passed before a grainy channel showing a cartoon came on.
"Haha! Hell yeah!" Black Star hooted around the knob. Between the three of them adjusting the bunny ears[1], they managed to get the channel resolved into something viewable.
"Ah what the fuck. Ponies? Really?"[2] Black Star groaned as he stared at the mostly clear images.
"Hey, you wanted noise. Now turn it off." Kid commanded. "My arms hurt like this."
"Yeah yeah." Black Star said as he once again gripped the knob with his teeth to turn off the device.
Without warning, Soul sneezed. Not a normal sneeze. The kind that makes your heart stop and your chest hurt. The kind that makes you wonder if you just ejected bones from your body.
The convulsing sneeze made the entire group jump. Including Black Star, who ripped off the dial thanks to the jerk.
They fell to the floor in a heap.
"We've got a problem, guys." The ninja said after Soul made sure he was alive.
"What's that?" Kid asked sarcastically. "Other than being tied up, that is."
"The TV is stuck on."
"...Son of a bitch."
"Are you sure it was a good idea to tie them up like that?" Tsubaki asked for the third time.
"They'll be fine." Liz assured her for the third time. "They just would have gotten in the way."
"But why did we chain Soul and Kid up with Black Star?"
"To keep the little ass company." Maka said easily. "If we left him alone, he would have ruined that office trying to get out. Soul and Kid will be an anchor for him."
"She has a point though." Liz said after a moment. "Soul and Kid were getting ready to yell at him. Kinda punishing them for doing nothing."
Maka said nothing, but watched Patty as she walked ahead of the three women, humming cheerily to herself and looking around the arcade [3] in wonder, even though she'd been there a thousand times. Something colorful caught her attention and she ran over to a stall.
Maka sighed. "They'll be fine. We're almost done shopping and then we'll go and let them out." She held up a bag of clothes that she'd bought at a store catering to expecting mothers as evidence of their progress. "And I'm glad that they weren't with us when we were looking at maternity bras. Just imagine what that would have been like with Black Star there."
Liz and Tsubaki's eyes went vacant for a moment, imagining the scene. They shuddered in unison and shook their heads.
"Exactly." Maka smiled.
"Oh come on! Another episode?" Soul groaned.
"It must be a marathon run of the series." Kid sighed. "I only pray that its almost over."
Black Star did his best not to scream in agony as his male pride was tested, stoically holding his eyes shut and trying to think of something else.
"What about this one?" Liz asked as she approached Maka and Tsubaki. The two were staring at a lingerie set that was little more than see-through lace. They looked up to see what Liz was talking about. Tsubaki blushed and giggled in embarrassment, a hand covering her mouth. Maka looked at the... garment and blushed.
"Oh my..." Tsubaki said, her imagination straying towards a certain ninja's reaction to her wearing that some night.
Maka was doing the same mental simulation on Soul. The imaginary form of her weapon stopped dead in his tracks to the bedroom and stared at her as she played shy and lay on the bed. Soul's clothes seemed to hang in the air as he stripped and approached her. He kissed her and placed his warm hands on her-
"That one!" Maka shouted and snagged the skimpy piece of arousal on a hangar and bolted to the counter. She only paused to check the size to make sure it would fit, and fit for a while with her body changing, before slamming it on the counter for purchase.
"Did you see that?" Liz asked, stunned. She stared across the store at her friend cutting in front of ten women and demanding that she be allowed to pay at that second.
"Yes..." Tsubaki mumbled. "Where did you get that again?" She asked Liz.
"Uh... Over there?" She pointed.
Tsubaki was gone just as fast as Maka had left.
"What the hell?" She asked herself.
After a moment, she imagined Kid's reaction to herself in that particular getup. "Patty! Get over here! We have color coordination to do!" She shouted at her sister while rushing join Tsubaki. Patty looked up from staring confused at the assortment of skimpy nightwear and followed.
"Make it stop!" Black star finally screamed. "Power cord! We gotta find the power cord!"
Soul and Kid were jerked to their feet as Black Star jumped up and ran to the filing cabinet that the TV sat on top of. The ninja pressed his face to the wall to see where the cable went into the wall.
"Dude, chill." Soul grunted as his arms were jerked behind him. "It's just a cartoon."
Black Star whirled to face him. "It's in my head! I have to stop it!" He went back to searching for the outlet the TV was plugged into.
"Just let him unplug the thing. We can rest afterwards." Kid said to Soul quietly.
"What the hell?" Black Star breathed. "There's no outlet. It just runs into a hold in the wall!"
"Too bad. We'll just have to put up wi-" Soul began.
"Breaking the TV!" Black Star shouted and began to try and rock the filing cabinet. He was apparently trying to knock the TV onto the floor to break it.
After a few arm-wrenching body slams on the ninja's part, the cabinet remained firmly upright.
It was bolted to the floor.
"You have got to be kidding me."
"Where to next, Maka?" Liz asked. She took a sip of the smoothie that she had bought.
Maka rested her chin on her hands, elbows propped on the table, sitting across from Liz. Her eyes stared up at the glass ceiling of the arcade in contemplation. "Got clothes for the next few months, got everything on the list Jen gave me, got some... " she blushed "other stuff..."
"I got a smoothie!" Patty interjected helpfully.
"We all do, Patty." Liz said with a smile. She could act like a five year old sometimes, but she was the one who had cackled with a terrifying smile when Liz had explained the lingerie idea to her. Patty was hard to place some times.
Tsubaki was still fidgeting and blushing occasionally, not offering much to the conversation.
Maka resumed her thinking.
"Think we should let the boys out yet?" Liz asked after a moment.
"I want to go to the book store, first. The one a street over." Maka stated.
"Doesn't that one have pretty much only those cheap romance novels?" Tsubaki asked with an arched brow.
Maka smiled. A deep blush spread across their faces. Except for Patty who was busy trying to give herself a brain freeze.
"Right. Get the boys after." Liz agreed.
Black Star was laying face down on the concrete floor, giggling softly to himself. His quest to destroy the TV or otherwise render it silent had finally been abandoned when he'd broken the knob off of the set's volume control.
Soul sat with his eyes closed, trying to drown out the blisteringly loud cartoon by "playing" songs in his head. He found that trying to recall every minute part of a song would occupy himself enough that he could momentarily ignore the TV stuck on full volume.
Kid was actually watching the show. Apparently enjoying himself and laughing at the jokes. He'd been largely removed from cartoons when he was younger, having thought himself too mature for them when he was little.
The reaper's laughter was too loud and distracting. Soul gave up and started watching.
The girls sat around a table in the book store, silently reading their novel of choice. The book shop was quiet, rarely getting many patrons at any one time, and the owner was happy to let people come in and read for a time. Maka took full advantage of the unspoken offer and stopped in from time to time to pick a novel and read a chapter or two and buy the book to finish at home.
After Maka wandered in and picked a book from an author that she liked and sat down, Liz, Tsubaki and Patty had wandered the shelves and selected a book or two that sounded interesting.
Every now and then, one of the girls would look up at her companions in speculation and then go back to reading.
An hour of reading came and went. Then two.
"Ladies." The owner approached the table. "We're closing now. I'm going to have to ask you to pay for what you're buying and head out." She smiled at them kindly.
"What?" Maka asked surprised and checked her watch. "Oh no! They guys! We left them!"
They paid for their books quickly with thanks to the woman for letting them stay for so long. Once they hit the street, Maka broke into a sprint, shopping bags swinging, and made for the janitor's office that they had locked the boys in,
Liz, Patty and Tsubaki ran after her, trying to keep up.
Maka wiped stinging tears from her eyes. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid stupid! She raged at herself. She'd gotten so wrapped up in her book that she had forgotten all about the guys. She had left Soul chained up because of something that Black Star had done! How could she be so damned mean to him? He hadn't done anything!
The meister's hand slammed into the crash bar of the door leading to the maintenance hallways. Maka flew down the halls, following the signs to the janitor's office and skidded to a halt outside the door. She paused to catch her breath.
Maka dug in her pockets for the key that the very happy janitor had given her after she had handed over a fair bribe for the use of his room. Liz, Tsubaki and Patty came to a stop next to her, panting and gasping as she slid the key into the lock.
"Is that... singing...?" Liz gasped.
The group stopped and listened. Music and voices could he heard through the door.
"The hell are they doing in there?" Maka asked in confusion.
She opened the door to find all of the guys sitting on the floor. They had arranged themselves to all face an old TV with a set of antennas on it. The volume was as loud as it could go, blasting the theme song to some cartoon with ponies in it.
And they were singing along. Even Soul.
Maka walked in, reached behind the TV, grabbed the power cord and yanked. The plug fell out of the recessed socket and the set turned off.
They guys sang a few extra verses of the song before slowing and fading.
"What the hell, Maka?" Black Star shouted. "We were watching that!"
Kid began to weep. "What happens next? How are we going to find out now?" He wailed.
Soul just smiled absently, like a grinning loon in an insane asylum.
"...what happened to you guys?" Liz asked.
No answer was forthcoming. Black Star kept yelling at Maka for turning off the show, Kid was an inconsolable mess, and Soul just stared at the blank screen with that creepy, vacant smile.
Quickly, Tsubaki unchained Soul, Kid and Black Star. Black Star and Kid dove for the TV and scrambled all over it, trying to turn it back on. Soul just sat limply.
"Soul?" Maka called him, kneeling in front of him. "Soul, are you alright?" Her tone became concerned.
Maka lifted Soul, placing one of his arms over her shoulder and led him out the door. Liz, Patty and Tsubaki bodily dragged their meisters from the room and locked the door.
"Soul? Say something. Come on!" Maka called frantically, kneeling in front of her weapon. "I'm sorry, Soul! I'm so sorry! I'll never do something like this again!" She fought tears and looked into his face for a reaction. His face was placid and blank, except for that smile.
Mumbled repetitions of her apology were lost as she held onto him and buried her face into his shoulder.
She kissed her weapon in one last desperate attempt to reach him. Nothing happened for a moment, but slowly his face returned to normal.
"What happened?" He asked groggily.
"You went catatonic watching some cartoon." Liz answered dryly while holding Kid in an arm lock to stop him from trying to break the door down.
"Wow." Soul said. "Last thing I remembered was getting chained up to those two after Black Star made a joke about getting maternity clothes for Maka."
"I'm sorry I put you in there with him." Maka sniffed, wiping her eyes.
"No big deal. I don't remember it, so whatever. Just don't do that gain. Not cool."
Maka laughed and kissed him, thankful to have him back from whatever Never Never Land he'd been in.
Seeing that Maka's kiss had broken whatever spell the show had placed Soul under, Tsubaki emulated the tactic on Black Star. She grabbed his face in both of her hands and kissed her meister deeply. Initially he struggled, but after a moment, he melted into her arms.
"Thanks..." Black Star mumbled. "I needed that."
Tsubaki giggled and whispered something into his ear. The ninja's face turned bright red and he became oddly docile.
Knowing how to cure Kid's hysteria, Liz did the same and the spell was broken.
The three friends parted ways at the entrance of the arcade and headed their separate ways home. Maka clung to Soul's arm as she recounted what she had done while he was in the janitor's office. Soul smiled and laughed with her.
They continued their walk home, enjoying each other's company and the falling night.
Soul hummed some song that Maka had never heard before as he held her hand.
[1] This is an old TV. Like the kind your grandparents had back in the day. Knobs for channels and volume and "rabbit ear" antennas for signal reception. These things need a special box to convert digital cable to something they can show after the analog to digital switch a few years ago. The old analog channels aren't really regulated anymore and the channels are available for anyone to broadcast on with the right equipment.
[2] Yes. "My Little Pony". Don't go sqee-ing on me. I want the show to be cancelled. I've literally lost friends to this show. They get pulled in and it becomes ALL that they talk about.
If you actually like the show, chill. This will be the last time I mention the show except for possible jokes in the future. I won't be continually hating on the show.
Also, my roommate and his girlfriend watch the damned show. Fuck my life.
[3] For my American readers, shopping arcades are the same as a shopping mall. The main reason I chose the word "arcade" rather than "mall" is because a mall in Death City, which is architecturally like an old part of a European city, isn't really suited to have a sprawling monolith like an American mall. Really, think of a shÅtengai (Wiki or Google it) is a better example of what I'm going for: several parallel streets enclosed with a glass ceiling.
A/N: Well, there it is. A comedic little chapter that is better suited to a oneshot than a chapter of NtL. I apologize for its small connection to the series, but I just needed to get back into the flow and start writing again.
I plan on making a real chapter soon. Soon being a relative term. Real plot and lemon content should be ahead in the near future.
I'm hoping that this means that my muse is back and that I'll start wanting to write more again. I seriously went through a month-long time where I just didn't care to write any more for the series. I just haven't felt like writing lately.
OH!
I made a slight fuckup in my timetable of Maka's pregnancy. Last chapter and the chapter before, I had Maka experiencing morning sickness, even though she was at around the 4 1/2 week mark. Yeah... I'm going to have that have been a warning shot and not the real thing. Some women, from those I've talked to, do get a "false" couple of bouts of morning sickness before some calm and then it hits in force. So that's what we're going with. Sorry for the mistake.