Two guards in riot gear advanced a little way into the rec room, their Taser rifles wavering from Rogue to Rogue. After nobody moved, and Killer Croc raised his claws a little higher, the guards fell back and planted themselves on either side of the door like attendants for visiting royalty. Joker snickered without lowering his hands.

"And here I thought I was King of Arkham!" he chuckled.

Two little red dots immediately appeared on his chest, and he rolled his eyes.

"Aw, c'mon guy, lighten up! It was just a joke!"

"Then how come no one's laughing?" Pamela Isley smirked. "Oh, come on, boys, don't be so jumpy with those big, dangerous guns." She shook long red hair back and pursed her deadly lips. "You're not afraid of little old me, are you? I don't bite... unless you want me to."

"Quiet, Isely." Aaron Cash strode into the room, closely flanked by two more guards, and gave the beautiful villainess a stern look. "Now, I'd like you to meet your new... fellow patient." His eyes drifted resignedly to the back wall, and he launched into the Arkham welcome speech: "As always, we want to facilitate healing and a smooth transition into the institutional setting for our new patient. I trust you will all do your best to make him feel welcome and at home. Like many of you, our new patient has a strong masked persona which is to be discouraged. I will ask you all to address him as Patient N, therefore, and not encourage his delusion. Thank you."

Cash retreated, and the guards stepped aside to admit two white-clad orderlies. Between them, a dark-haired young man in a straightjacket and small black mask struggled, blue eyes darting furious glances at his restrainers from behind the mask.

"I don't believe it..." muttered Jonathan Crane.

"Hey! I know dat guy!" Scarface shouted. "Ya nearly groke my nose, ya big lummox!"

"Ooohhhhh yessssss..." Joker grinned, turning to the others and holding out his hands as if presenting a dignitary. "Ladies and gentlemen of Arkham Asylum, I present to you, your one-time persecutor and new fellow inmate, the inimitable Nightwing!"

The entire Rogues' Gallery broke into cheers, clapping, and catcalls. Nightwing's eyes narrowed behind his mask, and he lunged at the Joker. The two orderlies were ready for this and held him back until the vigilante's struggles stopped and he settled for shooting laser beam glares of death at the Joker.

"And as for you, sir," Cash said, turning to the straitjacketed vigilante. "I am deeply sorry to see you here. However, during your stay- however long it may be- you must abide by the Arkham Asylum rules of behavior. This includes not attacking fellow inmates. Infraction of this rule will result in sedation or relocation to the isolation cells- which were not damaged by the Joker's bombs. Understood?"

"Understood," Nightwing said through clenched teeth.

Cash nodded to the orderlies, and they released Nightwing and retreated back through the doors. With a final warning glance at all the inmates, Cash followed them, slamming the doors shut after him.

"Well, well, well," the Joker said, approaching the newest inmate. "If it isn't ol' Nightiewing, ol' buddy. Don't feel bad; I always knew you'd end up here sooner or later! Isn't that right, Harley-poo?"

"Right-a-roonie," Harley beamed. "Nice ta see someone's finally lockin' up the real loonies in this town."

"Enough with the wisecracks," growled Two-Face. "Let's have a look at this flunky's other face."

"Yeah!" Scarface shouted. "Let's see who da louse is already!"

"Oh, sorry boys," the Joker interrupted, throwing an arm around Nightwing's shoulders. "We can't pull the little bird's face off just yet. See, while he could be any Tom, Dick, or Harry underneath that BEAUTIFUL black mask..." he abruptly let go of the vigilante after receiving an elbow in the ribs. "It just wouldn't be cricket to rip it right now, without any fun and games first. You can't deliver the punch-line without the proper set-up."

"You sound like Nigma," sneered Crane.

"I'm with Crane, for once," Poison Ivy put in. "Playing games is stupid. We should unmask him now, before the Bat shows up and breaks him out."

"Mm-hmm. Oh, you think so too?" the Joker nodded sympathetically. "It's unanimous, then. We're having a contest to see who gets the honor. What will it be?"

"Keep it simple," rasped Two-Face. "Just flip the coin."

"Simple?" Edward Nigma objected. "No, no, no... I propose we set up a system whereby we guess at the so-called vigilante's identity... and the person who gets the closest gets to take off the mask!"

"How about a wrestling match?" Killer Croc asked, cracking his knuckles. "Seems fair to me."

"Fergit that, let's play poker, winner-takes-all!" shouted Scarface.

The Joker chuckled wickedly.

"And what do you propose, Pammy? Spin the bottle?" he jeered. "No, no, my fellow, ah, inmates, we need something better than that. Something more FUN! Something... with style. What we need... is a story."

There was a moment of silence.

"You have got to be kidding me," Poison Ivy said.

"Stories? Really, Joker?" said Nigma, wrinkling his nose.

"You've all heard your fellow psycho's 'first time' stories," Joker said. "And no, Nightiewing, it's not what you're thinking. SO! I'm going to tell MY story... and then little birdie here's going to tell HIS story. And if mine is better..." the Joker broke off into low, dark chuckling. "Then I get to hold him down and rip that little wingie mask right off his face."

"And if his is... better?"

"Simple, Harv. Then Batsy gets a very special surprise on his front door tomorrow morning," Joker grinned, running a finger across his throat. "And we'll put it to a vote to see who gets the mask."

"Very clever," Nigma said. "Once we know the apprentice's name, it should be simple to deduce the identity of the mentor. Oh, don't think the new outfit fooled anyone," he added, addressing Nightwing. "Black and robin's-egg-blue? Honestly. A clue so simple a child could have solved it."

"Wait a minute," Jervis Tetch said. "He used to be Robin?"

"I believe," Scarecrow hissed, "this little... boy... owes me several thousand dollars... and twelve hours of terror."

"Yeah? Why don't you try to take it then?" Nightwing snapped. "And Joker, what makes you think I'd go along with your sick scheme?"

"Oh, you'd rather start a free-for-all over your mask?" the Joker grinned. "Fine by me. You know I always love a good show."

"Besides," Harley put in, "there's one of you and... lots of us! And you're in a straitjacket."

"Face it, bird-boy," grunted Two-Face. "The odds are stacked against you."

"Oh, so now you're on the Joker's side?" Nightwing said.

The bifurcated villain shrugged, looking down at the silver disc in his hand.

"It wasn't my decision to make."

"Thanks a lot, Harvey," the Joker said. "So, settle down, boys and girls. Croccers, Harv, why don't you make the new fish comfy between you? We're going to hear a few more tall tales- starting with mine."

Nightwing rolled his eyes as Killer Croc and Two-Face shoved him roughly between them.

"This is going to be great," he muttered.

A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews, everyone!