A/N: I am so very glad you all liked the last chapter.
Yes, Ana touched Christian's back...but he didn't notice it...which in itself is a huge step for him...one he didn't even realize he took.
Before you read this chapter, I want you to imagine a man that has shied away from feeling anything other than rejection, anger, resentment and control. No one could touch him and for me, it's difficult to feel comforted without a touch or a hug. He never felt like he belonged in his perfect family with his past and secret life. He never imagined being happy as he didn't know what real happiness even was. He never wanted more and thought he had everything he wanted. Now, he starts to feel all these weird and wonderful emotions...ALL AT ONCE. I'm no shrink or an expert on human behaviour, or relationships for that matter, but I cannot imagine that a closed off person such as Christian, can pretend that he is fine for too long. Feeling overwhelmed can make you feel like everything is out of control and for Christian, that is not a good thing. Everything he always wanted, wasn't what he wanted after all. Everything he so worked for actually meant nothing as he didn't even have time to enjoy it.
Everything he never wanted turned out to be what he needed most: More. And that with an out of control woman, with a smart mouth, no-nonsense attitude, roaming hands, kind eyes, breathtaking smile and beautiful inside and out.
Now, with that in your mind, please enjoy and let me know what you think.
Chapter 14: Roller-coaster of emotions...
Ana POV:
Christian pulls away and looks into my eyes and what I see there, catches my breath. It's a powerful thing…to feel wanted. Like you don't want to be anywhere else in the world right now and with no one other than the person you're with. More importantly, seeing that he feels the same.
"We need to get up, my parents will be here soon." He says and I feel my eyes almost pop out of my head. He gives me one more kiss on the tip of my nose and starts to get up. I sit up, pulling the sheet with me to hide my nakedness. My feeling of pure bliss and contentment now overshadowed with the thought of his parents coming here, to his penthouse, after what we just did.
"Your parents?" Oh hell, I won't be able to look anyone in the eyes. What if they can tell what we did?
"It's Sunday and since I'm sick I invited them all over. Elliot called and he and Kate left his house just before you woke up." He explains as if it is the most normal thing in the world. Sex in the morning, lunch with parents afterwards.
"You don't look sick," I pout and him turning around and walking away, gloriously naked, is just not fair.
"Must be the amazing sex," he throws over his shoulder with a smug smile.
When I hear the water run in the shower, my inner goddess, who must have been awoken after her nearly 22 year slumber, gets a wicked idea and yes, I do believe I will listen to her right now. I get up from the bed, take a condom out of his nightstand, and walk into the bathroom where I get a full back view of naked Christian through the shower glass. He is hot. Truly a work of art. He must work out a hell of a lot. Where in the world does he get the time?
Before I can change my mind, I walk to the shower opening and walk to stand behind him. Even after we had sex, or maybe because of it, I can feel the pull between us. I wonder if everyone feels this way after having sex with a man.
He reaches back and pull me around him to pin me to the shower wall.
"We don't have time to play, baby." He says as I open my hand to reveal the foil packet hidden there. "Again?" he asks surprised. I feel his erection pressed against me and it would be a shame to waste a perfect moment with happy Christian. As sexy as angry Christian is, happy Christian is just awesome.
"Only if you want to," I answer coyly and he laughs, taking the condom from my hand and moving his hands to where I most definitely not look. I will not look. Nope I will not...holy cow! How did that...fit in...okay, I shouldn't have looked. What if it hurts again? Can it hurt again? My thoughts evaporate when he kisses me in a steamy hot kiss while lifting me to wrap my legs around his waist, pressing my back against the shower wall. Right now, even if it did hurt again, I really don't care.
"You are a demanding little thing, aren't you?" He says even as he thrust into me and I gasp. This feels so much better and earlier was pretty damn amazing. "I'm never going to get enough of you, baby."
"I would be disappointed if you did," I whisper, proud that I could put words together to complete a sentence. "This feels so good," I tell him and see his eyes darken.
"You're mine now, Ana." He tells me and why did that sound so sexy? "Only mine." He says again.
Under the hot water in the steaming shower, I give myself to him again, freely and with no expectations. It would be unfair to him to expect anything more than these moments with him since we don't know each other that long. And the idea of giving myself to him is such a huge turn on and I feel my nails gripping into his back again. He keeps me there, right on the edge, giving me just enough to stay there and not enough not fall over.
"Mine, Ana. I need you to say it. I need to hear it." He growls and I'm so very close.
"Yes." I pant. "Yours."
Christian POV:
Since I'm sick, or supposed to be, mom brought the food she prepared for today with her. When she and my dad walked through the front door I thought she might burst into tears. It took me a moment to realize that I've never had anyone over for lunch or dinner to my place. I think the first time she had any food here was when she had breakfast with Ana yesterday. Elliot also had dinner here last night and the thought never registered. Not even Elliot has ever had a meal here before. I can write a book these days…my life of firsts.
For the first time in my life, I felt happy, truly content and utterly sated yet ready for more. All the sex before Ana, combined, would not have given me what she's given me. What she makes me feel. I don't think it's because I wanted her more than my next breath. Definitely not the fact that I haven't had sex in a long time…for me anyway. Also not the fact that she was supposed to be forbidden fruit.
Thinking about it, I believe it is partially the fact that she was willing to look after me without expecting anything in return. She gave me her time and wanted nothing. Most importantly, she gave me a piece of herself that she never wanted to give away before. She gave me something that she can never get back…something priceless. And still she wants nothing. So yes, I feel happy, content and sated, but I also feel…
Vulnerable.
Exposed.
Overwhelmed.
None of these things is something I've experienced before and if I'm honest with myself, now would be the perfect time to use my speed dial and call Flynn. He warned me that if I experienced too many of these foreign emotions that I will feel overwhelmed and could have a breakdown. But I don't call him. I don't even know where my phone is right now. Something that has also not happened to me before.
The only thing I'm absolutely certain of, is that as long as Ana is here, I will be just fine.
With Ana, my mother and Mia in the kitchen, Elliot and Kate comes in. After saying hello, Kate joins the ladies in the kitchen and Elliot comes to sit on the couch next to me. Beer already in his hand.
"Well you look a lot better, Bro." He smirks and I keep my face passive. No way in hell will I share my intimate moments with Ana with anyone.
"I feel better, thank you." I answer as I see Taylor walk in with Gail. Her sister must be better as she looks a lot more relaxed than when I last saw her. She looks around the apartment and relief clearly washes over her. I guess she must have been worried about me too and I was to self-absorbed in my own perceived importance that I never took notice of her either. She was always just…there. I feel like a jerk and wonder how many more feelings it's going to take to make me snap.
"Mr. Grey," Gail starts and I walk towards them. I'm in such a good mood today I can kiss her and shake Taylor's hand while I'm at it. But I keep it cool. "I'm sorry to bother you. I just wanted to say thank you for this weekend and that my sister is doing a lot better." She says, glancing from the kitchen to the great room, taking note of my family all being in here. Now she looks close to tears. What is it with these women today? I know what this means to me and I never even thought that having my family over would bring me such joy. But not enough to bring tears…apparently women are wired differently.
"It was no trouble, Gail. I'm glad she's doing better." I see my mother in the corner of my eye and she looks proud of me. I guess that is what prompted me to go all in with my day of firsts.
"Taylor, Gail, would you like to join us for lunch?" Shit, I think they are both going to pass out. Am I really that much of an ass? Taylor looks down at Gail, who is wiping a single tear from her cheek, before looking back at me as if I just gave his girlfriend the cure for her sister's cancer.
"We would love to," He says and I show him to join us in the great room while Gail makes her way over to the kitchen.
When I glance back to get a glimpse of the reason for my good mood, I see Gail hugging her. Seriously, she just met the woman like right this second and already Ana has her under her spell. Not like I can say much. She's got me wrapped around her finger, but that little fact I will keep to myself. She definitely does not need further encouragement.
Kate, Ana and Mia are busy outside setting the table because Ana wants to eat on the patio. I just like seeing her smile today, knowing that I'm bound to fuck this up sooner rather than later and then that smile would be replaced with a scowl. So for now, the greedy bastard in me is gripping onto this moment with both hands and feet. I walk to the kitchen to get Taylor and Elliot another beer and wine for me and my father, when I stop. My name never made me stop before and I don't know what was said before it, I just know I've never heard my mother say it like she just did.
"He looks so happy. I've never seen him like this," I hear Gail tell my mother and she sounds close to tears again.
"I've known and loved that boy for twenty four years, Gail, and I've never seen him this happy. Earlier, when they thought they were alone, I saw him hug her… and her hands touched his back. He didn't even flinch or pull away. He just looked happy." My mother tells Gail and I almost pass out with the realization. When I literally feel all blood drain from my face, I think the possibility of me passing out will soon become reality. I should have fucking called Flynn. I should call him right now.
I let my guard down.
Vulnerable.
She touched me.
Exposed.
On my back.
Overwhelmed.
I don't feel so happy right now. My brain is stuck on repeat. I let my guard down and she touched me. She touched my back. I try to think of everything since the moment I came out from the bathroom to look at the most alluring woman I've ever seen. She touched me! Once on the left side in bed during sex. Once on both sides in the shower during sex. Once on both sides when I hugged her earlier and she even moved her hands slowly up and down my back. And I didn't flinch. Fuck, I haven't even thought about it until right this minute. In bed and in the shower, when she scratched my back, it turned me on. I didn't even realize exactly what she was doing, only what she was making me feel. I've always been hyper aware of everyone's movements around me, even during sex. When I hugged her, I felt at peace, even though her hands were rubbing up and down my back.
She touched me.
And I didn't flinch.
I didn't feel pain.
I didn't react in a negative way at all.
Overwhelmed.
Forgetting about everything except my back and this tight feeling in my chest, I practically run to my bedroom. I need my phone. I need to call Flynn. It's Sunday but I'm sure he will understand. Standing next to my bed, I sigh in relief at the sight of my phone, but then catch a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror. I walk to the mirror in the corner and stare at myself for a while before turning around and lifting my shirt slowly. There on my back, is the tell-tale signs of Ana in the throes of ecstasy. Her perfect fingers leaving beautiful red marks on both sides of my back. And I didn't react negatively. I didn't even flinch. And now I can't stop staring at it.
When I touched the hem of my shirt to lift it, I expected a full blown panic attack judging by the ever growing tight feeling in my chest. I expected to feel pain. But there is nothing.
When I look up, I see Ana staring at me and the door behind her closed with her hand still on the door handle. I didn't even hear her come in or close the door…and she's wearing heels? She frowns a bit and I walk towards her slowly, releasing my shirt to cover the most precious scars I've ever seen on myself. This woman has taken my world and turned it on its head. She demolished my perfectly constructed walls with her beauty, smart mouth and charming personality. She touched me. She gave herself to me and I took everything she gave and in return, I gave almost nearly as much.
She touched me. And I didn't flinch.
"You left marks on my back, baby." I say and smile when I'm rewarded with a gasp, a blush and horror in her eyes.
"Did I hurt you?" She asks concerned and I smile. I don't think I would ever be able to stop smiling. The feelings of earlier pushed away by her mere presence and yes, I will be just fine as long as she's here.
"That's just it. I can't explain it right now, but you touched me and it didn't hurt." I tell her sincerely and see her eyes fill with confusion, but at least now with a smile on her face. "I will tell you soon, when we're alone."
"Can I see?" She asks and without a word I turn around and lift my shirt just high enough. She was too busy with other things this weekend to notice what I keep hidden and for that, I'm extremely grateful. "Oh shit. I'm so sorry," I hear her gasp.
Then I feel it, her fingers lightly tracing the red marks she left on my back. First on the one side, then on the other. And again I didn't flinch. I didn't hold my breath. It didn't hurt. I love the fact that she touches me. She's the first one to touch me. I was her first and somehow, she made herself my first without even knowing what she's done.
I spin around and pin her to the door.
"If it wasn't for the fact that this is the first time ever that I'm entertaining my family and friends in my penthouse, I would tell them to leave and bury myself in you until we pass out from exhaustion." I tell her and judging by the initial look on her face, she would totally let me. That's before confusion takes over. "That's a conversation for another time too." I kiss her quickly and pull away with one last kiss on her nose. "Let's go eat, baby."
When we walk out onto the patio, all conversation stops and everyone stares at the two of us. I know they all want to know what is going on. I know they think I've lost my mind, hell, even I think I've lost my mind. I know how much it pleases everyone to see me happy, my mother most of all. So I do the one thing that I really want to do…show them that this amazing girl has a special place in my life and I hope that I don't fuck this up.
Hope.
I pull Ana into a passionate kiss that could start a fire and after the shock left her body, I feel like I'm soaring when her hands touch my back again. When I pull away, I smile at her, staring into dazed blue eyes, before looking back at my family.
Well, shit! This is not what the hell I expected. I thought they would be happy. They said they were happy for me. They said that they liked seeing me happy. But there's my mother, sister and housekeeper, all with tears running down their cheeks. Even Elliot and my father looks close to fucking tears. Kate stares from everyone to us and we stare at everyone before staring at each other. What the fuck do I do now? I thought it would make my mother happy and she does not look very happy…in fact, no one does.
"What the hell?" I hear Ana's whisper and look down at her confused face. I take my hand and brush the frown away and then smile, despite the chaos next to me.
"Don't ask me. I haven't got a clue." I tell her honestly and look back at the lot trying to compose themselves.
My mother gets up and walks up to Ana, taking her by her hand and disappearing with her into the hallway. I look to my dad, worried about her, and he smiles. "Don't worry, Son. She's happy for you and happy to see you this happy." He tells me as I sit down at the head of the table with an empty spot for Ana to my right. Already missing her presence.
"That's happy tears?" I asked confused, pointing with my thumb over my shoulder.
"It's a women thing," Kate helps and as much as that makes no sense, it makes perfect sense.
Ana POV:
I walk in silence with Grace until we're behind closed doors in Christian's bedroom. I glance at the bed and blush when she sits down on the edge. She will have a fit if she knows what happened on this bed a couple of hours ago.
"Ana, dear," She starts and then grabs a tissue from the bedside table to wipe away her still-flowing tears.
"Grace, are you okay?" I ask and sit down next to her. She nods so I wait for her to calm down. I've never seen my mother cry. I think I've only ever seen Kate cry and that was not pretty. It made me want to do anything and everything to make her forget about the ass broke her heart. But Grace…she is way to pretty and classy to cry. I want to hug her and tell her that everything will be okay, but I can't. I don't even know what is wrong. I don't know what to do.
"I've never, in my wildest dreams, thought I would ever see my son this happy. I've known him since he was four and this is the first time I've seen him with a smile that reaches his eyes. I've never seen him so relaxed with anyone, not even his family, as he is with you. I've never seen him kiss a girl. I always wanted him to have a normal, happy life, but he didn't want that. Not until now. Not until you came into his life." I'm stunned. "I just wanted to say thank you. On behalf of my family and the people who love him, I would just like to say thank you." She takes my hands in hers and turns to look at me. "You did this. You gave him to us. You saved my son. I would never be able to thank you enough for that." Then she gets serious and I'm starting to wonder how long this will take as I'm getting hungry and somehow saying "It's my pleasure" sounds…inappropriate.
"You will have to be patient with him, Ana. He has never been like this. He will make mistakes and he will hurt you unintentionally, but if you're patient with him, he will get there. I know his therapist is very worried about him…" She tells me and it seems that Christian and I need to have a serious discussion as this day is just confusing and it's killing my damn buzz. "We all are, but I'm certain he will be just fine now."
"I'll try, but I won't take his crap." And finally a laugh.
"I wouldn't even expect you to. Elliot will be disappointed if the two of you stopped fighting." And now I laugh. I would be disappointed to if I get robbed from seeing sexy, hot, pissed off Christian Grey.
A/N: I almost feel sorry for the poor guy. Please let me know what you think if you have a minute to review.