Assurances
Chaos.
Ed, Olivia, and Rollins observed Noah and his birthday party guests gambol about the indoor playground. The kids' shrieks and shouts echoed throughout the cavernous facility. The cacophony made it difficult for the adults to communicate, so they mostly just smiled and nodded at one another or occasionally pointed to the action. The noise coupled with the primary color palette created a dizzying toddler paradise. Little Jessie crawled around nearby. Olivia knew she was too young to enjoy the slides, ball pit, and kid-sized zip line, but she thought Amanda would appreciate the gesture and she hadn't figured Ed would come or stay long. Despite wholeheartedly jumping into the world of being a mother, Olivia struggled to fit in to the typical mom crowd, not that she tried very hard. With Amanda there, she could avoid the dreaded small talk.
Olivia had not planned to host a kid-centric party, but Noah had been invited to his share of birthday celebrations through day care, so she decided to reciprocate. Brooke found out about this particular facility and eagerly suggested it, "They do everything—games, cake, all of the organizing. You just basically show up. With a credit card, of course."
Sold.
The morning began with Noah throwing a rare tantrum related to his attire. When Ed returned to work after his own birthday celebration, as promised, he wore the blue and green striped tie and the new tie bar. Noah beamed at him and announced he too wanted to wear a tie. Ed found an old one and tied it in a loose knot so Noah could easily and safely slip it over his head.
"Clip? Daddy, need the clip." He also asked for the badge, but Ed shook his head. "Sorry, bud, I need to take that with me."
Tucker found an extra clasp and slid it on the tie. Olivia was able to take it off later that day at day care by explaining that it would get dirty with all the paint, crayons, and snacks. "We want it to stay nice. Daddy's tie always stays nice and clean." She hung it carefully on the hook with his coat.
Today, Noah hadn't relented as easily. When it was time to bundle up and leave, he clutched the tie possessively.
"I wear tie to birdday."
"No, you can't wear it there. Not on playgrounds," Olivia explained gently.
"I WEAR TIE TO BIRDDAY!"
"Noah, look," Olivia pointed to Ed, "Daddy's not wearing a tie today. We don't wear ties to play."
"And we don't wear them on Saturdays," Ed added playfully since it was not yet a full-blown toddler meltdown.
"NOOOOO I WANT TO WEAR TIE!" Noah burst into tears and wrapped the tie in a two-handed death grip.
Olivia threw up her hands and walked away. Her strategy for dealing with these occasional outbursts was to not deal with them.
Ed, more sensitive to Noah's plight because he, after all, had given him the tie in the first place, went over, picked him up, and tried to soothe him. "Hey, bud, c'mon. Calm down." He cradled Noah tightly and swayed him back and forth while Noah choked out more sobs.
He attempted to reason with him again. "No ties, today, buddy. We're not police today."
More sobs. Ed felt the warm tears on his neck.
"Hey, we gotta calm down and go to the party or we'll miss the cake and presents and all your friends." Ed caught sight of Bernie on the couch and proposed a compromise, "How 'bout we put the tie on Bernie so he can wear it for a little while? He'll keep it safe until we get back."
Noah perked up a little and attempted to start breathing normally. Ed grabbed a tissue and wiped his nose.
There was a knock at the door.
"Who's that?" Ed asked mysteriously.
"Bwookey?" Noah guessed.
Tucker opened the door to a smiling Brooke, and, to his surprise, an equally jubilant Sarah. They both held presents wrapped in Thomas paper.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"
Tantrum officially over, Ed put Noah down and he hugged the girls' legs.
"What are you doing here, Sare?"
"I didn't want to miss the fun. Nice to see you, too," she added sarcastically.
Brooke cast a glance at Olivia which suggested there was more to the impromptu visit, but, whatever it was would have to be hashed out later.
"Do you want me to bring the presents to the party?" Brooke asked. She would miss the first part of the celebration in order to set up the Brio train set Ed and Olivia bought Noah.
"Leave them here," Olivia answered, "We'll open our presents afterwards."
The party was in its second and final hour when Brooke and Sarah finally showed up.
"You get it set up ok?" Ed asked.
Brooke's frustration was apparent on her face and in her voice, "Yes, but damn, there were a lot of pieces."
"You had to get the deluxe set," Sarah added knowingly.
"Of course," Ed replied.
Andy and Garrett, the staff members assigned to the Benson party, clapped their hands to get the kids' attention. "Ok, everyone, come, gather around the birthday boy's throne so we can sing!"
Andy put a gold crown with plush felt lining on Noah's head and placed him on an ornate chair upholstered with red velvet. The kids crowded around.
"Ok, everybody," Garrett announced, "Here we go! One, two, three!"
Sarah and Brooke ran over to participate and Olivia snapped pictures of an overwhelmed yet thrilled Noah. As the song concluded, Andy brought out the cake with a candle in the shape of a "3" in the middle.
"Stand back, kids, as I light his highness' candle!" Garrett produced a long rod lighter decorated to resemble a torch and lit the "3" in exaggerated fashion.
"King Noah, close your eyes and make a wish!"
Noah squeezed his eyes shut.
"And, open!"
He opened them.
"Now, blow out the candle, and your wish will come true!"
Noah blew out the candle and cheers and applause ensued. Overcome with emotion, Sarah ran to Noah, hugged him tightly, and kissed his cheek multiple times. "You did such a good job Noey-pooh!"
Olivia used the moment of separation to whisper to Brooke. "She ok?"
"No."
"We'll take her out later?"
Brooke pursed her lips and nodded.
After the cake was served and eaten, Garrett and Andy stacked presents next to Noah's throne. He proved to be an expert at tearing through wrapping paper and ribbon. Olivia and Ed stood by his side collecting the new toys and prompting Noah to say thank you to each person after he opened his or her gift. They would definitely need two trips to cart the new trucks, trains, puzzles, and books to the car.
"Ok, everyone!" Garrett said grandly after Noah had opened all presents, "Now we must store the Official Birthday Crown for the next King or Queen, but we will give King Noah a replica to take with him."
Andy handed Olivia a lighter and less lavish version of the birthday crown.
Garrett instructed the kids to wish Noah one more collective "happy birthday" and they boisterously shouted.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NOAH!"
Olivia and Ed thanked and said gracious goodbyes to the other parents as they left with their exhausted and sticky toddlers.
…..
Sarah and Brooke made sure to engage Noah in conversation during the drive home so he wouldn't fall asleep and miss the big train set reveal. They let him walk in the apartment first. Eventually the train table would move elsewhere, but for now it was at the end of the entryway and impossible to miss.
Noah froze and turned back to the adults.
"What is it, Noah?" Olivia prodded him.
"Thomas train," his voice was nearly a whisper.
"Go check it out, bud."
Following Ed's direction, Noah, awestruck, walked slowly around the table examining every inch of the track.
"Thomas train," he whispered again, reached out and picked up the specially-ordered Thomas the Tank Engine car. He put it back on the track and cautiously rolled it a few inches, and then surveyed everything again.
"Bridge. Tunnel. Red train. Yellow train." He became increasingly more animated and made choo-choo sounds as he pushed the Thomas car faster and faster around the track. "Now go through the tunnel!" He giggled and jumped up and down at his engineering when the car appeared on the other side. "Thomas train! Thomas train! I love Thomas train!"
"Happy birthday, sweet boy," Olivia kissed him on the head.
"Oh, but there's more!" Sarah exclaimed and grabbed the boxes she and Brooke brought. "C'mon Noey, let's open these!"
Knowing Ed and Olivia purchased the train, Brooke and Sarah bought him additional pieces as well as a Thomas hooded sweatshirt and two train-themed books.
"What do you say to Sarah and Brooke?"
Noah said "thank-you" and hugged each of Ed's daughters.
"Kisses," Sarah requested and stuck out her face for Noah to kiss her cheek. "Give me some sugar, little man."
Ed had disappeared into the bedroom and came back with one final present. Olivia looked at him curiously; the contents were unknown to her.
"I almost forgot, bud," Ed said, "I got you one other thing."
Delighted at the chance to open another gift, Noah excitedly accepted the box and easily tore off the wrapping paper. Olivia helped him remove the top, and for the second time that day, a stunned expression appeared on Noah's face. Olivia, too, was speechless.
The gift, a child-size replica of an NYPD Captain's badge, sparkled in the light of the room. Ed had even found a small case with a clip so Noah could affix it to his waistband if he wanted. The only difference other than the size was that instead of Captain, Noah's name was emblazoned in gold lettering at the bottom edge of the shield.
Ed pointed that detail out to Noah, "You see what it says, bud?"
Noah pointed to himself. "This Noah's badge. Noah's police badge." He took it out of the box and Olivia helped him clip it on his pants. "I police!" He ran in circles around the coffee table. "Noah police!" He stopped in front of Brooke and then in front of Sarah so they could admire his new accoutrement.
"Wow, Noah, your very own shield! That is so cool!" Brooke gushed.
Sarah threw up her hands, "Dad wins gift giving. Best gift ever. We will never ever top this as long as we live."
Olivia rubbed Ed's back, kissed him on the cheek, and whispered "you are so great" in his ear. He was pretty proud of himself and it showed on his face as he watched Noah run around shouting "I police."
Suddenly, he stopped in his tracks, remembering something.
"I need the tie. Mommy? Where's the tie?"
Olivia retrieved the tie from Bernie's neck and handed it to Noah. Both Sarah and Brooke snapped pictures.
"Dad, go put your work clothes on so we can get a twin shot," Sarah requested.
He looked at Sarah. Seriously?
"How 'bout we do that someday when I actually have to go to work?"
"Fine."
Olivia tapped Ed on the leg, "Hey, let's get the rest of his things from the car so we can move it from the loading zone."
Tucker didn't look particularly interested in the suggestion. "We're the police."
She widened her eyes, "Come on, let's go."
Now he got the message. There was something else going on that required them to be alone.
When they were safely in the elevator, Ed backed Olivia up against the wall and started kissing her neck. "What's so urgent?" He rasped. She indulged him for a few seconds, but then gently pushed him away. The consternation in her eyes worried him.
"Something's up with Sarah."
He scrunched up his face, concerned, "I knew it was weird that she showed up."
"Well, Brooke didn't tell me exactly what the problem is, but she wants to take Sarah out for drinks. Do you mind?"
"Not at all." He took a deep breath, let it out, and speculated, "The wedding?"
"It must be."
"Go ahead."
"I won't be long."
"Take your time."
…..
The Lieutenant and her two future stepdaughters huddled at the corner of the bar. Sarah was in the middle and she sat with her face in her hands, nearly in tears. She put on a happy face for the birthday celebration, but her will to sustain the façade was now completely gone.
"Sare, put your hands down, we can't hear you," Brooke commanded in a big sisterly tone. Sarah was trying to hide her downcast, panicked expression. "What did you just say?"
"I said, it all started when I was thinking about taxes."
Olivia and Brooke locked eyes, silently agreeing Sarah's comment was a bit on the bizarre side. Then again, she was an accountant.
"Are you worried about money?" Brooke asked.
Sarah brushed off the question, "No silly."
"Then what?" Olivia gently prodded.
Sarah took a long drink from her vodka tonic and delved morosely into her explanation, "I just realized, next year Jeff and I will file taxes jointly. We'll be looking for a house to buy. Then we'll have a kid. It's like, all of this has been so much fun. Parties, showers, planning. All. For. One. Day. Now it's real. In two weeks I will be married. It'll be over in like an hour. All of this for an hour."
"Don't you want to be married?"
Sarah glared at Brooke, "Of course, or I wouldn't have said yes."
"I don't get it."
Sarah threw her head back dramatically and huffed, "My life. Is over."
Olivia patted her on the back. She wasn't sure how to respond; however, she tried anyway. "Why do you feel like it's over?"
"The truth is. I am very selfish. I like being able to do what I want when I want. That's over. We get married. Then we have kids. I'm giving up all of my independence at the age of twenty-five!"
Brooke asked about whether or not she and Jeff had discussed children and Sarah gave herself a dirty look in the mirror behind the bar. "Yes. He wants kids soon. Like in a year. And I don't."
"Did you tell him that?" Olivia interjected.
"Of course."
"And?"
Sarah shrugged, "He didn't act like he cared that much. I told him kids in five years and he said 'that's a long time' and then he said 'how about two' and I said, 'we'll talk about it in two years' and then we got interrupted or something. I don't remember how it ended, but it didn't really end."
"Sarah," Olivia said softly, "That should get resolved sooner rather than later."
"But at least you both agree you want kids." Brooke added optimistically.
"That's the thing," Sarah whined, "I think I'm saying I want kids because that's what's supposed to happen. Get married. Buy a house. Have a kid. Then probably move to the fucking suburbs which I swore I would never ever do in my life." She held up her hands helplessly, "Me? In the suburbs?" She turned to Olivia and clasped her arm so tightly Olivia could feel her nails starting to dig into the skin, "Oliva," she said desperately, "You're getting married for the first time, and you're so happy. And I'm questioning everything. I don't know what is going on with me." Sarah, frustrated, returned her face to her hands.
"Sarah, I don't think it's a good idea to compare us like that."
Her face was still buried, so her voice was muffled. "Why not?"
"Because we're in two very different places in our lives, but I know how it is to feel very strongly that you want…all of it."
"Were you close to being married before?"
"I was. But for the wrong reasons. It was to escape, and it would have been a mistake. That was a very long time ago. And then, the guy I was living with a few years ago, I thought he might be the one I would spend the rest of my life with. But in the back of my mind, I knew he wasn't marrying material. My heart…told me it was temporary."
"My heart…" Sarah trailed off without finishing.
"You're probably just exhausted," Brooke surmised. "You've been going nonstop since this summer. Back and forth between home and here. All of this wedding prep…it's killing you."
"Maybe." Sarah turned back to Olivia. "Why do you want to marry my Dad?"
She posed the question so innocently that Olivia, rather than being taken aback by such a blunt inquiry expressed total compassion for the struggling bride-to-be, "Honestly, for the first time, I feel like I have a true partner. We're a team. I feel safe and comfortable," Olivia smiled contemplatively, "I can't imagine my life without him."
Sarah slapped the table, "Now that's a beautiful answer. I don't know if I can answer that question. I love Jeff. I've never loved anyone like I love Jeff. Is that enough?"
Brooke looked at Sarah skeptically, "Enough?"
"Sarah," Olivia said, "You're not being fair to yourself by trying to quantify feelings. Brooke's right. You've been running nonstop since you got engaged. Everything is set and planned now. Maybe it's time for you to just step back and relax."
Brooke agreed, "Seriously. All you have to do is show up."
Sarah simultaneously side-hugged Brooke and Olivia, "I love you guys," she cooed.
…
Ed gazed sleepily at Olivia when she returned later in the evening. All energy spent, he lay sprawled on the couch using a blanket for a pillow, his feet propped on the opposite armrest. The television was tuned to ESPN, and he stared at the screen but wasn't paying close attention to the game.
"Hey," she greeted him sweetly. "You look exhausted."
"I am." He cupped her hip to pull her closer and she leaned down to kiss him. "Take your coat off," he demanded impatiently, "and get over here." He backed himself into the cushions to create space for her.
She smelled like autumn, and when she kissed him again he tasted the bourbon, or maybe it was the Irish whiskey she sometimes ordered.
"I missed you," he sort-of whined, nuzzling her neck and embracing her tightly with one arm across her waist.
"I missed you."
"What's going on with Sarah?"
"I think it's just last-minute nerves." Olivia went on and summarized their talk, skipping the part about Sarah asking her why she wanted to marry Ed.
Tucker was sympathetic but pragmatic. "If she feels like something's not right, she shouldn't go through with it. I don't want her to be miserable. But if she doesn't want to grow up, well, she needs to get over that."
"Growing up doesn't have to include marriage," Olivia pointed out.
"That's not what I meant. But if she's worried about always doing what she wants to do…that's, that's, immature."
"I understand where she's coming from though."
Ed took this statement the wrong way as if Olivia was having the same reservations. "You do?" He strained to meet her eyes.
She immediately explained, "No, no, this has nothing to do with us. It's different when you're young. You don't know what to expect…or even what you want exactly." Ed was pensive and silent. "She wanted assurance."
"That's not going to happen," he muttered.
"I think I made that point."
"Good," he said with finality, "if you think she's ok, then I trust you. And, Liv?"
She craned her neck around. "Hmm?"
"Thank you."
She grinned. "My pleasure."
He kissed her forehead.
"Speaking of thanks. I probably owe you one," she said, "I'm guessing Noah was a terror tonight without a nap?"
"He was fine until after he took a bath. He wanted the Thomas pajamas and I couldn't find them. Then he wanted to wear the tie."
Olivia laughed.
"I know, I know. It's my fault."
"It's precious."
"If you say so. Anyway, come on and look at him. You can't see it on the iPad."
"See what?"
"Just come with me."
Ed led her to the small bedroom, it was actually originally a den, and they tiptoed in to see Noah, illuminated by a penguin night light. He had one arm draped around Bernie and the other arm possessively holding something close to his body. Olivia leaned down and peered at the object.
The badge.
Ed stood behind her, massaging her shoulders, as they both gazed dotingly at the sleeping three-year-old. "He wouldn't give up the shield," Ed whispered, "I tried to get him to put it with mine. He wasn't going for it. So we traded shield for tie." He nodded over to Noah's dresser where the tie hung on a knob.
"That was the perfect gift."
"I ordered it weeks ago; it just came in."
"You're full of surprises lately."
"Anything to make you happy."
"You have no idea."
Tucker had a hard time being in such close proximity to his fiancée without kissing her or allowing his hands to wander. He pecked at her neck and felt her ease into him. "Ready for bed?" He asked playfully.
"I've been thinking about it all day."
…..
Birthday party, toddler-wrangling, cocktails, stepmother-to-be counseling—the day was emotionally and physically draining and Olivia wondered where Tucker found the extra stamina to so aggressively have sex with her. Outside, the early November air took on a winter chill but Ed and Olivia glistened with perspiration as they engaged in a protracted post-coital kiss while still tangled with one another and with one of the sheets. Bothered by the stray cover, Ed kicked it off. He wanted absolutely nothing between his body and Benson's.
"What are we doing tomorrow?" He spoke as he kissed her, loving the idea of Olivia keeping track of their calendar.
"Brooke and Sarah mentioned meeting us for breakfast."
"A late breakfast," he insisted. Ed then fumbled for her hand and felt the ring.
"What are you doing?"
"Checking."
"I take it off when I sleep, you know."
"When are we getting married?"
"I thought we agreed later this winter or in January?"
"We did. But I would do it tomorrow." He kissed her more deeply for a few seconds, just to emphasize his point.
Olivia realized he probably had the wedding band hidden in the apartment somewhere.
I need to shop for his.
It had completely slipped her mind.
"Sarah asked me today why I wanted to marry you."
"What'd you say?"
"That I couldn't imagine my life without you."
"I should've met you first."
"Don't think that way."
"Ah, you would've hated me anyway," he pouted.
"Probably," she teased back.
"I think you've forgiven me," he predicted confidently.
"I don't even think about it anymore."
He was still draped over her and he brushed back a few damp strands of her brown hair, "You're gorgeous."
"You're all over the place."
"You make me crazy."
"A little crazy is good."
"So, let's get married tomorrow."
Olivia tried to smile, but he was still kissing her. "It's Sunday," she managed to say.
"Fine."
"So, we'll have the late breakfast and then just be lazy."
"Or," Ed suggested brightly, "We can take IAB's newest junior investigator out to catch some dirty cops."
"Great," Olivia said sarcastically, kissing him back, "Just great."