AW#14

The Midwinter feast and bonfire was huge this year, with all the dragon power available to gather the timber and the food this year making for a spectacular show.

I was sitting with Stormfly watching the fire and feeling rather sorry for myself. There was a very clear divide in the village, the married, and the unmarried. I was in limbo, and currently had the longest betrothal in village history according to Gothi. Vikings didn't wait around, you got betrothed, you got married that was it. Officially Hiccup and I had been betrothed over a year since our parents signed the contract shortly after we fled. Fish and Ruff's families were in negotiations, and would probably be married in the spring, or sooner knowing Ruff.

I missed Hiccup. I could finally admit that, I missed Toothless the big goof that he was and I was saying every prayer I could that they would come home safely. I missed them, and I was so angry. Angry that I chose to stay behind, angry that he left, angry that everyone had all these expectations for me and I was so driven to make sure that no one was disappointed that I left nothing for myself.

So here I was on one of the biggest feast nights of the year watching everyone else be happy. The dragons behavior was much more sluggish this winter than it had been on the island, I put it off to the cold, it was much colder here. So I didn't want to ask Stormfly to venture out tonight, even though I really just wanted to get away. Back to those cozy nights back on the island in the little house that we had built with the dragons and the spinning wheel Hiccup had made for me. When it warmed up I was thinking about taking a trip back to the island, maybe Ruff would come if I could pry her away from Fish…. Hel, I didn't really care if he came either. I wanted some of my own things, not what Stoic gave me or my mother could dig up, but the things that I had made, the things that we had made. Stormfly nuzzled me in that lazy sleepy way she had, and I patted her softly.

I saw mom picking her way through the crowd towards me, she came and sat beside me against Stormfly. "This cold makes her really sleepy doesn't it?"

"Yeah. I didn't know is would be this bad, it wasn't last year, but it doesn't get so cold further south."

Mom wrapped her arm around my shoulder and I couldn't help but lean into her. "You miss him?"

I nodded against her. The sympathy was making me feel so very vulnerable, I didn't like it. "I was thinking about making a trip back to the island we stayed at when it warms up."

Mom stiffened. "Why?" her voice was tight.

"I want to get some things." I paused and sat up so I could look at her. "Mom, Hiccup made some really fantastic things. A spinning wheel, a loom, you know things like that. Things that Stoic doesn't have, that I should have. Maybe I should just talk to Stoic about making it an official trip and we can go get the sheep, you should see them, they shed their coats so you just pick it up."

"Just don't go rabbiting off again, I don't think I could stand to lose you again girl." She gave me a little shake "Take yourself and this lazy beast of yours off to bed before this spectacle gets too wild."

I nodded in acknowledgment and began to coax Stormfly up. It didn't even take very long which made me wonder if she wasn't playing games with my mother, I had discovered that Stormfly could be quite devious when she wished. We made it back through the revelry to the chiefs' hall and through the front door when I realized that Stoic had stirred up the fire and was sitting rather aimlessly watching it flicker.

"Chief?" I asked tentively "Is everything alright?"

He looked up and blinked to readjust his eyes to the shadows I was standing in. "Oh, Aye. It…. It's just a night for remembering, that's all."

I smiled weakly at him "That it is." I turned away and began to head to the stairs. Then stopped, now was as good a time as any.

"Would you be interested in making a trip south to the island in the spring?" I asked him. "I was thinking about going back myself, but you might want to go. The islands nearby are mostly just small farms but it isn't far from a much bigger land. There are some very interesting sheep too… you don't have to shear them, they shed and…" I stumbled to a stop realizing that I was babbling.

"Why do you want to?" He asked.

"I was just thinking, and I want to go get some of the things that Hiccup made. Gobber might want some of the wood and metal tools, but Hiccup made me a spinning wheel and a loom. I would like to get them." There was a very long and awkward pause.

"I miss him too Astrid." The Chief finally said, and he sounded unbearably sad at that moment in time.

I nodded and gave him a weak smile and not knowing what else to do I bid him good night and headed back up the stairs to join Stormfly who had not wasted any time in going back to sleep. I laid in bed for what seemed like hours listening to Stormfly breathe and the various noises of the house, and eventually fell into a restless sleep.

*

*
When the weather was touched by spring Stoic announced the spring raids, we were going south. He had a plan, we would take the dragons and the boats and meet on the Island, raid the bigger lands from there. The small farms were not of much interest as they weren't big enough to do much more than feed a family.

I was more anxious than I thought I had a right to be, but I was full of questions. Would the hut still be there? Had the sheep survived? Had other people found the island again as they obviously had before. I was glad to be able to let Stormfly have her head and fly with out me worrying because I was lost in my own little world for the most part. I could hear the other dragons and in particular Fish and Ruff as the flirted and Tuff going on about how gross it was. The lead group on the dragons was Fishlegs, Snotlout, Ruff, Tuff, and me. We were to set up camp on the island and periodically check the boats progress while also scouting out the larger settlements for raiding.

It was starting to get dark when the island came into sight, we did a quick perimeter check and found no one so everyone followed me to the hut and we made camp and checked everything out. The hut was still in good shape, and I was thankful. I claimed it for Ruff and me, the boys could fend for themselves this time.

"You guys built this!? All of it?" Ruff asked in astonishment. She was studying the spinning wheel when I looked up.

"Mostly, we salvaged some from a building that we found abandoned, but otherwise yes. It was that or freeze."

"Which bed should I take? I don't want Hiccup's!"

I roll my eyes at her childishness. "I figured, this one was his." I told her as I set my pack down on it. She sniggered and I rolled my eyes at her again.

As we prepared for bed the 2 of us kept up a little bickering back and forth, it was friendly if heavily weighted in innuendo on Ruff's part. It made me realize how much I had missed her, as one of the few girls close to my age and the only other one that was interested in fighting and training at all. As I climbed into bed I found a book under the pillow.

"Oy! What's that?!" Ruff asked.

"I don't know I was pretty sure that Hiccup didn't leave any journals behind." I opened it to find some of his drawings, I had forgotten just how detailed he often was.

There was a drawing of an intricate braid, and the detailing of the veins in the wing of a terror, the scales of Toothless' leg, and a score of other little sketches and drawings of common everyday things. Ruff came to sit next to me and look at the book when I didn't answer. We paged through it in silence, till I came to pictures of a prosthetic leg, and realization struck. This wasn't left behind last spring when we battled the Queen, he left it last summer, and Hiccup had come back here after leaving Berk.

"He came here?" Ruff sounded confused.

"I guess he did, it makes sense after all, a good starting point." I tried not to let my emotions gain control, but it was hard, especially when turning another page meant finding a letter. A letter that Hiccup wrote to me, I paused wondering if I should even read it.

Hiccup had not left a note that I had ever found, so while I felt I knew him and could make a good guess as to his reasons for leaving I never actually knew for sure, that knowledge tore at me. I didn't even really care that Ruff was reading over my shoulder.

Dear Astrid,

I don't know that you will even find this letter, but I should write it anyway.

You are probably very angry with me and I really don't blame you. I just felt suffocated, everyone had expectations and wanted to congratulate and faun, and I couldn't do it. I can't stay right now. I will be back though, I promise.

Toothless misses you and Stormfly, he likes the idea of adventure, but he is mad that we left you behind.

Wait for me please. I will come home, just not yet.

Love,

Hiccup

"If he was here right now I'd punch him for you!" Ruff volunteered.

I choked a little laugh and broke off into a sniffle. "Thank you Ruff, you're a good friend."

"It's a good thing he isn't here then." Ruff kind of awkwardly patted my shoulder and moved back to her own bed.

I laid back down, hugged the journal to my chest, and said my prayers.

Please bring him home. It was all I could think to say.