AN: Fluff ahead.
"Sonny?"
Amanda whispered into the dark, both of them beneath the sheets on their respective sides of the bed. Just enough time had passed for either of them to drift off to sleep, except her eyes were still wide open.
"Hm?" Sonny grunted.
"The ADA thing..."
"What about it?"
"Are you being honest with me?"
"Huh?"
"Y'sure you didn't turn it down because of me?"
His sigh was palpable; she felt him flop onto his back. "I told you why I turned it down."
She rolled over so she was on her side, facing him. "Yeah, but..."
"It wasn't an impulsive decision. I put a lot of thought into it."
Amanda hugged the pillow beneath her head. "I know..."
Silence fell between them. The air conditioner hummed, Frannie's collar jingled softly as she shifted around at the foot of the bed. The only light was the glow of the baby monitor screen on Amanda's nightstand, broadcasting a peacefully sleeping Luca in the room next door. She figured the conversation was over for Sonny, who was most likely too tired to engage Amanda in a circular and unproductive discussion around something they had already talked about. She shut her eyes and wriggled deeper beneath the covers.
"You want a house, don't you?" Sonny's voice punctured the quiet suddenly.
Her eyes flew open again and she tried to read his facial expression in the dark. "What's that got to do with anything?"
"When you get promoted, we can use the extra income. We can save it, instead of makin' up for the disparity in the ADA salary," he went on.
"I mean, yeah, but..."
"Everything I said earlier was true. I like the idea of bein' an ADA, but I like actually working as a cop. But I also realized... decisions like this, it's not as simple as just being about what I like anymore."
"What do you mean?"
Sonny rubbed his palms over his face slowly before dropping them back at his sides. "Once, when I was sixteen, I wanted to go to this house party my buddy was havin' at the end of the school year. It was supposed to be crazy. His parents were outta town, his older brother was twenty-one and buyin' all this booze... y'know, the usual. And this girl - Lily Bottari - I had a huge crush on her, right? Of course she was goin', so I had to be there. That was the night I was gonna make my move." She could hear the smirk in his tone.
"Oh, Lord, spare me," Amanda groaned with a roll of her eyes.
"Well, here's the thing. I was the only one around to watch Bella that night, 'cause the babysitter backed out and everybody else was busy," he continued. "So my ma told me I had to stay home with her. I was so pissed off, I made a huge scene, stomping around, slammin' stuff, swearin'. I locked myself in my room-"
"What a drama queen," she muttered.
"-and after a little while my dad came in. I thought he was gonna rip my head off, especially since I swore at my mother, which is like... pretty bad. But instead he just sits down on my bed and he says, 'you know the most important piece of advice I ever got, Sonny?' and I don't say anything, but he tells me, 'a boy does what he wants to, a man does what he has to.' And then he just left me there alone to ponder that."
Sonny turned his head and looked over at her. "I think about that till this day. When you're lucky enough to have a family that cares about you, and you care about them too, you do what you have to do to keep them content. The 'want' is secondary. So maybe if I was twenty-something and unattached, I'd take the ADA job. But I'm not. I'm always gonna try to make decisions that are in all of our best interests. That's the type of person I wanna be."
Amanda didn't say anything, momentarily speechless. Even after all of this time, she was still surprised by how inherently thoughtful Sonny was. He didn't whine about making sacrifices or want credit or validation for being a good person - he just did it and was grateful for the opportunity to love and be loved. She didn't know anybody else like him but she was immensely thankful that somehow, amid the sea of self-serving assholes, he had found his way to her.
She shifted nearer to his side and pressed her lips into his cheek. Her hand reached across to settle on the opposite side of his face, holding him gently in place. "Where the hell did you come from?" she whispered in awe into his warm skin.
Amanda felt him smile. "Staten Island."
She cleaned the kitchen to avoid studying. Lately, every day she went through the same internal battle: pick up that stupid prep book or do literally anything else. That night, 'anything else' won. Amanda was nervous about the upcoming exam but she would be absolutely thrilled when it was over. Learning things as an adult was a lot harder than being in high school or college, where one's only job was to retain information. Now she was pulled in ten different directions by real life, everything demanding brain power and leaving little to spare by the end of the day.
"You tell Barba you didn't take the job?" Amanda asked Sonny curiously as she dried the dishes from their dinner. She had seen them chatting privately that morning.
Sonny sat at the kitchen table, feeding Luca mashed up bananas in his high chair. "Yeah. I told him today."
"He was probably relieved that you guys wouldn't be sharing an office," she teased, stacking plates neatly in the cabinet. "If y'all worked together anymore than you do now, I think his head might explode."
"Ha ha, very funny," Sonny remarked sarcastically. He turned in his chair to look at her over his shoulder, Luca's little spoon paused in mid-air. "He just told me-"
"Dada. Dadadada."
Both Amanda and Sonny stopped what they were doing at the sound of Luca's voice, sweet and clear from his place in his high chair.
Sonny whirled around in his seat. "What'd you just say?" he demanded of the baby.
Luca's chubby hands reached out in front of him, straining forward, wanting the spoon his father held. "Dada."
"Did you hear that?" Amanda squealed excitedly, rushing over to the two of them. "Only a Carisi would be motivated by food to learn to speak!"
A wide, adoring grin spread across Sonny's face, the kind that lit up his eyes, too. "That's right, buddy!"
Amanda came up behind Sonny's seat, settling hands on his shoulders. She reached over and smoothed a palm over the baby's head, which was now covered in light blonde hair. "Such a smart boy," she cooed approvingly.
"Mama!" Luca chirped, sticky fingers grasping at the air between them.
"Atta boy." Sonny rewarded him with another scoop of mashed bananas, then released the spoon into Luca's small grip to let him gnaw sloppily on the plastic. He made soft mmnmnm noises like he always did when he was enjoying something.
Amanda felt her eyes welling up with tears almost immediately. "Oh no," she moaned. She stood up straight again and hovered by Sonny's side, chewing on her lower lip.
"What? That was the cutest thing I've ever heard," Sonny exclaimed. "Maybe I can get him to say other stuff with the sweet potatoes!"
"Yeah, but, now he talks. Next he's gonna walk and run and then go to school and leave us forever," she lamented dramatically. God, when did she become such a sap? She hadn't shot at something in awhile - maybe she needed to.
"Okay, I think you're gettin' a little ahead of yourself," he chuckled.
She sniffled, momentarily overwhelmed. "Jesse'll be in kindergarten next year."
"Well, yeah, 'Manda. That's kinda how it's supposed to go," Sonny reminded her gently. He reached out the hand closest to her and rubbed her lower back reassuringly. "They can't be babies forever."
Amanda heaved a sigh, watching Luca chew on his fingers. He was at such a sweet age: he babbled and cooed, laughed and smiled, and for the most part he slept normally. She wanted to freeze time - or somehow make it so she always had a baby available to cuddle. "I know, I know."
He turned in his chair and peered up at her with a roguish smile. "We could always have another one."
She quirked an eyebrow. "Then we'd be outnumbered."
"In a cute way, at least," Sonny reasoned.
"We don't have any room." She tugged at her bangs absently. "I don't even know what we're gonna do when Luca gets bigger, he can't sleep in the living room forever..."
Sonny slid his palms into the back pockets of her jeans. "We'll look for a three-bedroom in the fall."
Quiet for a moment, she dragged her fingers through his hair slowly, toying with gelled strands. "Four months."
"Four months?" he repeated, looking confused.
"When the baby is a year, we can start talking about havin' another one," Amanda explained.
He raised a mischievous brow. "Talking or..."
"Talking," she insisted firmly. "Although I might come to my senses and remember how tired I am by then."
Sonny turned his wrist inward and looked at his watch. "Nope, you said it. I'm puttin' a reminder in the iCal."
She swatted his head playfully, then took his face between her palms, the start of new stubble tickling her skin. "Don't make me reconsider reproducing with you," she warned with a smirk.
He kissed the heel of her hand, blue eyes shining playfully.
When the doorbell buzzed, Amanda's gaze narrowed, confused. "Who's that?"
Sonny shrugged. "I dunno."
Dropping her hands from his cheeks, she walked to the front door. She stood on her toes and looked through the peep hole curiously, immediately surprised by who she saw. "Shit."
"Who is it?" Sonny called.
"It's that guy. The PI," she answered him quietly, not wanting Chris to hear them through the door.
"He's here?"
"Yeah."
Amanda heard rustling in the kitchen and knew that Sonny was getting up and freeing Luca from his high chair. Moments later he appeared with the baby against his side, his expression hardened, and passed Luca to Amanda. She adjusted him against her hip and stepped aside so Sonny could pull open the door, grateful that he could manage the impending interaction. Christopher Warner stood in the hallway, blinking at the couple nervously.
"Can I help you?" Sonny asked curtly.
"Hi, um. I'm Chris," he said. "Your wife and I, we've met-"
"Yeah, I know," Sonny interrupted. "Just a suggestion: if you're gonna keep up the whole PI thing, it's probably best not to go around knockin' on your target's door. Kinda blows your cover."
Chris rubbed the back of his neck with his hand, appearing sheepish. "I actually wanted to talk to you. To both of you, actually."
"About what?" he demanded.
"Can I come in?"
"Look, my kids are here, I really don't want-"
"It'll only take a minute, I swear."
"Just let him in, Sonny," Amanda interjected quietly.
Sonny glanced over at her and murmured, "y'sure?"
She nodded. She had already confronted him. She already knew the damning evidence he possessed against her. At this point, Amanda was at a loss as to what he else he could possibly want, but she didn't want to make a scene.
Sonny begrudgingly opened the door a little wider, allowing Chris to come inside of the apartment. They all stood awkwardly in the foyer.
"I wanted to give you this," Chris eventually said, holding out a USB flash drive in front of Amanda.
Hesitantly, she reached out and took it between her fingers. "What is it?"
"It's all the pictures I took since I started doing... this," he explained. "Everything. Even the stuff from the casino."
Amanda raised her eyebrows, confused. "Why are you giving this to me?"
"I'm not going to give it to Murphy or his attorney."
"But... that's your job."
He nodded. "Yeah, I know. It's just... you know when you asked me if I had kids?"
She shifted the baby against her hip. "Yeah."
"I do, actually. Three of them. I only see them twice a year because my ex-wife is... well, she's vicious. Vicious and loaded," Chris told her dryly. "I didn't stand a chance against her in court when we divorced. She raked me over the coals. It was totally one-sided, skewed..." He shook his head then offered Amanda a small smile. "I know a lot about you. I mean, I've been watching you for awhile. I can tell you're a good mother and that you all love each other. I've been doing this work for years but this just... didn't feel right."
Amanda's heart was in her throat. "What are you gonna tell Murphy?"
Chris shrugged. "I kept a few benign photos to show him that I did what I was paid to do but that I didn't find anything concerning."
She exchanged glances with Sonny.
"You mean to tell me you're just doin' this outta the kindness of your heart?" Sonny asked skeptically.
"I get paid no matter what I find. Or don't find. I never lose sleep over the work I do, but this... it didn't feel right," Chris told them. "So in court next week, I'm not going to have much to say. All I ask is that you don't tell anybody I did this. It stays between you two."
She shook her head. "I won't. We won't," she assured him, then added quietly, "I... thank you."
"This your son? He's cute," Chris said with a wan smile, reaching a finger out to stroke against the baby's arm. He met Amanda's eyes again. "Well, I won't take up any more of your evening. I hope this helps."
She thought of all those times she argued about the existence of God with Sonny. He was so staunch in his faith while she was so critical, so eager to dismiss the preposterous idea that a higher power moved them all around the vast universe like chess pieces. Now, though, Amanda had to wonder: maybe somebody up there was looking out for her after all.