Chapter 14: Pickle Tempura Day
Dib was reluctant to leave the relative safety and cover his desk provided; but when Zim (who refused to leave without him) started looking too delicious, he knew he had no choice. With a promise from the alien that he'd keep his distance, they set out into the halls.
Dib was wearing his usual blue and gray T-shirt (which had stretched out along with him), trench-coat, and a pair of black sweatpants, the only pants in his entire house that fit him. None of which was able to hide his pudginess. He walked quickly, pretending he didn't see the eyes staring at him, didn't hear the girls giggling as he passed, or the snickers from the other boys. In fact, he soon stopped noticing them altogether as he stepped into the cafeteria and a certain odor wafted into his nose.
Today was pickle tempura day.
The nauseating smell that had already felled several green faced victims, had Dib drooling with desire.
Forgetting his predicament, he cut to the front of the lunch line and slammed his tray on the counter, demanding to be served the puree goodness!
Just as the bubbling concoction was about to be poured into his many bowls, Dib felt someone tap him on the shoulder. He turned around to face Zita, whom he'd cut in front of.
"End of the line, fat boy!" she said, side-bumping him away. "I was here first!"
Dib snarled and belly bumped her backwards into the line so that they all fell like dominoes. "Oh yeah? Well I was hungry first!"
"Jerk!" she jumped up and shoved him. "What's your problem? You pregnant or something, freak?"
Dib answered with a wave of that morning's breakfast, covering the competition with a nice thick coat from head to toe.
"AAUUGGHH! IT BURNS!"
Zita fled in a panic; blindly running over things and people until she eventually knocked herself out by a wall.
The janitor came and went, taking with him Dib's mess in a mop bucket and the unconscious girl by one of her legs, and the entire time the room was silent with staring-at-Dib's-big-bellyness.
One child finally broke the silence. "Are you pregnant, Dib?"
"Sure I am," said Dib, still ticked and feeling sick. "And you wanna know WHY? I'LL TELL YOU WHY! A certain impulsive extraterrestrial, who shall remain nameless, broke into my room a few nights ago and knocked me up with his horrible spit-mating ritual! I have a freakin' ALIEN growing inside me now! You hear me? An alien! I hope I give birth to it during class so you morons can see it! If it's hungry when it comes out I'll just sit back and watch as it goes on a feeding frenzy and eats all of you! Try calling me crazy then, eh? Try telling me aliens don't exist while one of them's sitting on your stomach and tearing your useless organs out! I dare you!"
He sneered and crossed his arms over his protruding middle, "Any other stupid questions?"
The entire room became silent again, as they all stared incredulously at him.
"You're crazy!" someone called out: Gaz in fact. Others started nodding their agreement, some rolling their eyes. Then they all ignored him and went back to whatever it was they'd been doing.
Zim had sat down with his empty tray in front of him at a table across the mess hall and was watching over his beloved from afar. What nonsense was his mate talking about? He knew Irkens couldn't eat meat! Although they DID teethe pretty badly and liked to bite things…and occasionally people. Maybe he should start looking for a chew toy for their hybrid? Something yielding yet impenetrable. Those 'sausages' the cafeteria served came to mind.
Dib walked over to the table where his sister sat playing her Game Slave, setting down his tray with six bowls of pickly tempuraness next to her.
"Thanks for the help Gaz!" he whispered sarcastically.
She grunted in reply.
The rest of lunch went by without incident, and Zim waited a little after Dib and his sister had stepped out before following after him.
But he wasn't the only one.
The first thing he noticed after spotting his mate a ways ahead of him, was that he had two chattering females on his heels.
"Are you really pregnant?" the one with blue hair asked.
"NO!" Dib replied, trying in vain to catch up to his sister who'd left him behind. "Leave me alone!"
"Are you sure?" asked the other girl. She had bleached blond hair and blue streaked bangs. "You said you were."
"Because I knew no sane person would believe me! Who are you two anyway? Do I even know you?"
"My name's Crystal," said the blue-haired girl. "That's Sami, my sister."
She pointed to the blond.
"That's nice," Dib said flatly. "Listen, can you girls make fun of me later? I have to get back to class now."
"We're not making fun of you!" the one named Sami said.
"Yeah!" Crystal chimed in. "Actually, we think you look pretty cute with that pudgy belly!"
She playfully poked his pudge to prove it.
Dib smacked her hand away. "Don't TOUCH me, filthy human!"
Crystal backed up and held her scolded hand to her chest. "Um…"
"He's normal!" said a voice from behind, and all three turned to look at Zim. "He, err…just isn't feeling well this morning…Excuse us!"
The alien grabbed him "Hey! Leggo!" and rushed into the nearest restroom. Once they were both inside, Zim turned and kicked the door stopper in place, giving it a few extra kicks for good measure, then turned to check on Dib.
The boy was sitting in the middle of the floor and crying his eyes out. "I should've stayed home today!" he sobbed. "I should've killed this nightmare inside me instead of (hic) instead of letting you talk me into letting it live! (hic) I should've boarded up my windows and barricaded the door that day you started acting weird! I HATE YOU, ZIM! You and Gaz and the school and EVERYBODY! …And my head IS NOT big! It's not! Gaz's head is bigger…"
Zim went and knelt by his mate's side. "Of course your head's not big, Dib love," Zim whispered, nuzzling him gently. "It's the perfect size! I like it just the way it is!"
Dib flinched away. "Stop trying to be so nice to me!"
He glared at Zim with angry tear streaked cheeks, "Didn't you just hear me say that I HATE you? And it's not the first time I've said it, either!" He clenched his teeth and balled his hands into tight fists, trembling with barely contained emotion. "Ever since you landed here I haven't had a chance to have a life of my own because YOU were always in the way! I had to constantly chase you around like a babysitter to make sure you didn't blow us up or have us all put in chains! And now THIS! Why don't you just leave? Just go back to whatever lizard planet you came from! You're not doing anybody any good here! Go ruin someone else's life!"
Dib's words echoed in Zim's mind along with all the other mean and hurtful things he'd forced himself to ignore and buried under his hope. His hope that, given time, the human would come to see what a great guy Zim really was and learn to love him…or at least like him… just a little. He'd never had difficulty ignoring problems before. He'd never felt so helpless… not when his first assignment had ended in banishment; or when his 'advanced' SIR unit used his fuel tanks to store tuna and left them stranded, or whenever his mission suffered yet another setback. Now the only person he'd ever loved besides himself was his worst enemy and it seemed nothing he said or did would change that fact. Zim knew something was wrong with him. He knew he was supposed to hate all humans and that invaders needed no one. But, even though he didn't understand his motives, more than anything he wanted Dib to be happy. And if Zim stood in the way of that happiness…
"I'm sorry, Dib," Zim said quietly, not looking at him. "I'm sorry my being with you makes you miserable…I'll leave you alone, if that's what you want…but--"
He swallowed thickly before he continued, "Before I go…will you smile for me? Just once? You'll be glad after I'm gone, right? I want my last memory with you to be that I made you happy…just once."
But Dib wouldn't smile. He wouldn't even look at him. His gaze was set, looking to the clenched fist he held at his right side.
…I guess not
Zim's limbs felt like lead as he started to get up, when—
"Wait!"
A pair of arms flung themselves around the surprised Irken's neck and pulled him down into a crushing embrace.
"Don't leave me, Zim," Dib pleaded into his wig. "Please don't leave..."
Zim kept perfectly still, fearing to move lest he break whatever magic spell had fallen over the human.
"I lied," said Dib. "You didn't ruin my life. I knew what I believed in was shunned by closed-minded society. I knew accepting the world of the paranormal meant I'd be branded in the world of real science…But I couldn't give it up. I wanted to bring the two worlds together. I tried to get them to co-exist. And every time they clashed. And every time I got hurt. And every time I got ridiculed for it. Then you came along…
In the beginning, you were my salvation. You were my proof. My missing link. Until I found out you were invisible. No one else but me could see you for what you were. And it wasn't for my lack of effort to expose you, but because people chose to turn a blind eye to you. They didn't want to see you. They didn't care. I was back at square one…then you became my excuse…
Everything wrong in my life that had previously been my own fault could now be blamed on you. I could stop hating myself and started hating you instead. And it felt righteous to hate you because, in my mind, you were evil. So I couldn't stop trying to expose you. I couldn't stop hating you, because if I did, it would be like I was giving up. Like I was admitting you didn't exist. That aliens didn't exist… So when you started acting weird, telling me you loved me and doing all these nice things for me, I didn't know what to do. I was…afraid to stop hating you. Although I didn't want to admit it, these past few days together have been rather…enjoyable, for the most part. I liked knowing someone worried about me. For better or worse, Zim, you're all I have that matters."
He took a shuddering breath and continued. "Sometimes…sometimes I feel like…like I'm an alien too, you know? That I don't belong to this world. That I don't belong with these people. I know I'm not 'normal' like they are, but… you know I'm not crazy… right?"
It broke Zim's heart to hear Dib's voice crack at the end . He nodded, not being able to stand keeping still with his mate so close and needing him any longer, "I know."
He slid his arms above Dib's middle and nuzzled his cheek. "I know you're not crazy, Dib-love," Zim told him. "There's nothing wrong with you for refusing to be ignorant. You're a wonderful, perfectly normal human boy."
Zim suddenly wondered if that had been their problem. That the reason they could never share common ground before was because they'd been so obsessed in scrutinizing each other's differences. And Zim was trying so hard to be normal, even if it was part of a plan for world conquest, so he added, "…Just like me!"
Dib pulled back and looked into his eyes. Was Zim making fun of him? But his eyes weren't mocking. They were warm and sincere and…and beautiful. Exactly like that first day…
"…Hehe, yeah." Dib could still hear that familiar paranoia inside warning him that Zim was evil and an alien and a guy, but so what? He was nicer to Dib than any of his own people were. He tried to look deeper into Zim's eyes; past the purple contacts that made him human; past the redness that made him alien, and into the soul that mirrored Dib's own. "I'm just like you…"
And then the most amazing thing happened.
Dib kissed him.
It was a little thing, but it'd been freely given. There was no having to trade anything for it, no having to beg, and it caught Zim completely by surprise.
Before he could even think about kissing him back, Dib pulled away and gave Zim another gift: a smile.
"Thank you , Zim," he said. "Thank you …for caring."
Ah, yes, thought Dib. His condition was finally getting to him. He'd just poured his heart out to his sworn nemesis, kissed him, was pregnant with his smeet, and feeling happy about it! It was only a matter of time before he started wearing frilly aprons and calling him 'honey bunch'. Strangely, the thought made him hungry. But that could wait.
He smiled into Zim's eyes, "Help me up?"
Zim's brain was still processing the fact that Dib had kissed him, had smiled at him, was pleased with him, and couldn't make himself react right away. Eventually, the words got through and he stood up, then helped Dib to his feet.
"Thank you," Dib said again, still smiling. "So, we're friends now?"
Zim nodded mutely, still too in awe of Dib's voluntary show of affection to remember how to speak.
"Good!"
Zim was then yanked by his shirt collar into another kiss with Dib holding him sideways so his largeness wouldn't get in the way.
Warm blood was finally reaching the Irken's extremities, letting him wrap his arms around the moment he thought he'd never get to experience just a few moments ago. Soon his eyes were closed, his lips were parted and he was inviting Dib's tongue into his mouth, starved for the taste of him. Dib took the invitation and made himself quite at home there.
(Knock-knock) "Hello?" came the concerned sound of Crystal's voice. "You two have been in there for a long time! Is everything okay?"
The pair broke off their kiss and stared confusedly at the door, as if having forgotten that other people besides them still existed.
Dib shrugged, "Let's ignore them."
He snatched Zim's mouth back and the Irken was only too happy to oblige him.
(Knock-knock-KNOCK) "HEY!" called Sami. "Are you guys okay? Is anyone hurt? We're gonna call the janitor to come open the door!"
Reluctantly, Zim pulled away and looked into his mate's disappointed eyes. "I think I'd better go get that."
"I suppose," Dib's eyes turned mischievous. "We could always pick up where we left off later…"
It took a nearly Herculean effort to pry himself away, but Zim made it to the door and opened it to find Crystal and Sami standing in the doorway waiting for them.
"WHAT?" Zim snapped at them. "What are you still doing here? Don't you filthy females have a class to go to?"
Sami pointed to the sign on the door. "You're in the 'Girls' Restroom."
Zim looked at the little stick figure wearing a triangle. It looked kind of like him in his uniform without antennae. He looked back at them. "You lie!"
Crystal stepped forward sheepishly, "We also wanted to apologize!"
She saw Dib's head looking at her over Zim's shoulder and directed her next words to him. "I'm sorry your widdle baby got pokey woked!"
Dib frowned, swinging back into PMSing- mode. " I told you, I'm NOT--"
"Apology accepted!" Zim said hastily and shooed them off with a wave of his claws. "The Dib forgives you! Now be gone! Scat!"
"Can we touch it?" Sami asked, coming up behind her sister. "I wanna feel the baby kick! And we promise to be careful!"
"NO!" Zim and Dib said together.
"Pweeeeese?" the girls asked, making large goo-goo eyes at them.
Before the boys could answer, the end of lunch bell rang and they were lost to sight amid the river of bodies racing down the halls in both directions.
"Let's go, Dib!"
Zim grabbed him and dived into the stream where they were washed away in the flow.
Sami and Crystal watched the green guy and the cute-bellied boy disappear.
"I wanted to feel it," Sami pouted.
"Me too," sighed Crystal.
They were silent for a bit and then suddenly—
"QUICK!" Crystal yelled. "To the escape pods!"
She grabbed her sister and threw her into a pod in the janitor's closet.
"What are you DOING?" Sami demanded.
"It's the only way!"
"For what?"
But Crystal didn't answer her. She jumped in and closed the door to the pod, then they were off!
"I regret nothing!" Crystal yelled, and they were never heard from again!
…Meanwhile, the boys had just ridden all the way back to their classroom, Zim managing to halt their ride by just barely catching the end of the doorframe.
He was about to open the door when it did so by itself and Keef greeted them with a huge creepy smile.
"Hey, guys!" he said. "I was just about to go look for you! Class is about to start, and you're not gonna wanna miss this!"
The scary boy finished with a conspiratorial wink and held the door open for them to come in.
Zim and Dib exchanged brief glances before reluctantly stepping inside. Keef checked to make sure no one else was coming and closed the door behind them, sealing our heroes to their moosey fate!
(End Chapter 14! Thank the Goat for it's publication!)
SingerOfDoom: There's still a while before d-day! Somewhere along chapter 20 I'm thinking, butit might happenbefore then...
animeninjaNIPPON: Nobody seems to care about the Red/Purple/Kyle section, just the Zim/Dibness, so I figured why continue bothering with it?
Tailfeather: It's a possibility. I haven't written the story that far along yet, so we'll see!
demongirl12000: Sadly, I have no Happy Goo handy, so you'll just have to suffer the Keef a little longer!
Capra hircus: Reviews are tasty! Thank ya muchness! And of course, you'll be the first to know how the actual 'birthing' process goes!
Kayu Silver: Come out of lurkdom, have you? It won't last...but thanks for the reviewingness anyway!
blu sanada: Thanks for reading at least the first 2 chapters! Glad you were entertained!
Anukis-san: I love 'overprotective' Zim, don't we all? He's just so cute when he's jealous like that!
WolfSapphire200: Like...yeah! Okay!
Black Oni Dragon: I have brought unlimited joy to the heart of a Black Oni Dragon! I'd like to say my work here is done, but then I wouldn't update and you'd probably roast my hide wouldn't you? (sigh)
Ryu Forte: How DARE you steal from ME? After all I've done for you! Ungrateful worm! I curse you now! "Moo-moo-moo! I am voo-doo cursing you!" You get brownie points if you know where I got that line from!
hectorvondrax: I wanna meet Jhonen! (big sad puppy eyes) But I wouldn't know what to do if I did...what could you say to such a god? Especially one who claims to hate his fans...ah well, I will worship him from afar, although if he knew that I wrote this, he would send many painful bolts of pain to smite me for my blasphemy!
XxlonleysoulxX: You were lost because you haven't read the unaired episode in which said events happened to the Keef! You can find it and others here: www. thescarymonkeyshow. com (just remember to delete the spacesI added after 'www' and 'com') It's called 'The Return of Keef'!
Princess of Despair: Yes, yes, I hated it too. WHY did it have to be Keef? Why couldn't I have thought of some other trials to bring these two together? WHY?
Lily of the Shadow: Ah, what has been lost has now been found! Congrats!
DarkShadow1818: I didn't know they had internet at bars...or you brought your laptop maybe? No, no more Kile. I think he'd appreciate that, as all I do is abuse him when he's mentioned anyway...haven't seen 'Tremors 2" but I'm guessing it's like a C-section?
chickens: Glad you likes! Hope you like this chapter too!
Sloss: shakes leg AHHH! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!
Circusfreak92: I NEVER update my Smeets 'soon' You're better off saying 'soonish'!
Nny11: Wow...I'm flattered you thought my fic out loud reading material! Glad your mom liked it too!
ShadowsGirlShade: No, Keef's not a demon thing...he's just really weird now! More so than usual!
three really bored people: Hi, Megan! I'd like to finish it soon, but the story line isn't lending itself to do so just yet...
truthfulchaos: Yes, creepy Keef disturbs us all...which is what makes him so fun to use!
The One What Squeaks: Hooray for happy twitches!
Ya#Fanny: Isn't loyal Zim just adorable? Makes you wanna explode with the sweetness! BOOM!
Evilmewtwo: The monkey was FINALLY distracted long enough for me to get this out! And yeah, missing out on all those unaired eps is sad...thank goodness for fanartists!
hannahjap: Next day service! Hope you likes!