Outlander: Returning Home

Chapter 14: Merging Relationships

Claire

Once Dougal decided that I had enough time to get myself in order we set out for the nearest village. I wasn't sure whose idea it was to have me ride in the wagon, but I was grateful because it was less bumpy and jolting than riding a horse.

Murtagh passed Roger to me after a little while. "Are ye all right, lass?"

I took Roger into my arms. "Yes, a little better. I'm relieved to be able to lie down instead of having to sit up."

Jamie came up beside Murtagh. "I'm sure tis better for ye. We should be close, an hour or so more," he said.

"Thank you." I lay my head back on the bag of grain I had been leaning against. Murtagh and Jamie moved ahead leaving me with Roger who was still sound asleep. It had been rough once I'd changed and went back to the group. Roger had tried running to me only to be stopped by Jamie which caused him to start crying. It broke my heart to see him hurting.

I heard a voice whispering close by. "Claire. Lass..." Opening my eyes slowly, I tried to keep myself from jostling. My body was still reeling from the beating I endured. I looked around and was startled. Somehow I had been moved from the wagon and was lying in a bed.

"Where are we?" I looked up at Jamie who seemed to blush slightly. I rubbed my belly because I had felt a sharp pain where Black Jack had punched me.

"We are safely away from Randall. Dougal says we are to be marrit tomorrow. Please sleep well."

I felt nervous for the first time since I had realized where I was. "Jamie," I said before he made it fully to the door.

He turned around. "Yes, lass?"

"Thank you," I said softly, giving him a smile.

"Yer welcome. Get some sleep and I'll see ye tomorrow," he said then opened the door and left. I looked around the room before making my way to the table near the fire where I found the whiskey so I poured a cup and took it back to the bed. Thankfully Roger was still fast asleep; I pulled the covers over him. Setting the cup on the table next to the bed, I lay down next to Roger who turned around and curled into my side. Bone weary, I closed my eyes.

***Outlander***

Jamie

It bothered me seeing Claire in Murtagh's arms, but Dougal had wanted to speak with me so Murtagh was to take her up to the room. Dougal had made it a point that she had endured enough and needed to rest. I wanted to say something to him about his false concern, but kept my words to myself.

Ned looked at us. "We do not have much time. Captain Randall is expecting Mistress Beauchamp to be delivered to him tomorrow. Now, we are all about to embark on a boat built entirely of paper. The letter of the law is the only thing keeping Claire out of Randall's hands. And so if it is to work, then we have to follow it to the letter. The marriage must be consummated right away and witnesses must swear that they were present in the building if not in the room itself."

I knew that being a husband would be something new for me, but I needed to take a stand. I was concerned about how Claire would feel to have someone in the room while things were taken care of. I made up my mind; I would not allow that to happen. She deserved better than a bunch of hairy, horny men watching as she and I consummated our marriage.

Murtagh had finally joined us just as I found the words I wanted to say. "Does Claire know about all this?" I asked. I looked toward him thankful that at least he was truly concerned for the lass.

Dougal muttered, "She has no say in the matter." He seemed irate that he was being questioned. I just felt it was wrong to force someone to do something they might not be willing to do. I knew Claire meant something to me, but I hadn't had time to figure it all out. It didn't help that I was having dreams of her and a future that seemed impossible the way things were going. They were like memories, but not ones I remembered living through, just hit and miss pieces of a future we'd had together.

"I thought ye didn't hold with rape, Dougal," Murtagh said, unsaddling his horse while I halfheartedly brushed mine.

"It's not rape, but persuasion. She's a smart lass. She'll see the reason for it in the end, but there can be no secret agreements between the two of ye," Dougal warned, eyeing me as if I was going to do something else. "You saying that you have when you have not. Besides, I can think of worse things in my lifetime than holdin' onto that pair of sweet breasts and plungin' my cock..." I watched Murtagh throw the brush he'd been using on the horse at my uncle.

"Enough! If Claire does become my wife, I'll thank you to stop talkin' and thinkin' of her like some common hoor," I barely managed to grind out through clenched teeth.

"There is no if in this situation, laddie. Now, she took several sharp blows from Randall and kept silent. Any ordinary person – man or woman – would have folded under that treatment, but she stood her ground. You of all people know what he's capable of. Would you willingly put her at his mercy once more?"

I turned around unable to really process all of it. "No, I wouldna want her in his hands again," I conceded. He smirked at me knowing he had me right where he wanted me. He moved closer to me. "Yet, I wouldna force myself upon her either," I maintained.

"I'm sure she would be thankful for you savin' her, no matter the cost. Shall I remind ye of her boy as well? What do ye think Randall would do to him," he asked grimly. I looked toward Ned who had a sort of strange look upon his face. I was curious to know what he knew, but knew better than to ask him in front of my uncle. No, I would have to ask him about it later when I had him alone.

I turned to give him a smirk of my own. "I'll do it. But I have three conditions."

"Christ, it would be easier if I kill ye both," he groaned, taking a step back.

"True, it might be, but much harder to explain." He just shook his head. "First, we must be wed properly in a kirk with a priest." Dougal muttered something under his breath.

"Are you out of your mind? Do you want the whole British army to catch us?" he ranted. I just shrugged.

"I want this day to be special for her. I will not marry her without the things I want. Just because we have to rush things doesn't mean I have to sacrifice anythin' for either of us," I replied, staring at my uncle. If looks could kill he would be shooting daggers at me. "She must have a proper wedding gown or something close to it," I continued as he raised his eyebrow at me daring me to make some wild comment.

"You said three, lad. I know my math – that was only two," he replied while I looked in my sporran for my key. I pulled it out and handed it to him. "Nice, a key," he rumbled. I could hear the chuckling of the others around us.

"It's my key to Lallybroch. I would like a ring fashioned out of it for her." The men looked at me strangely.

"Fine, you must get it all ready by tomorrow or we do it my way," he retorted and walked away. I told Ned and Murtagh what I wanted and they left the stable. I turned to Angus and Rupert to see if they would find a blacksmith who would make the ring the way I wanted it. I explained just how it was to be made and passed it off to Rupert along with some of the coins I had earned along the way. I thanked them and took my leave.

I needed to make sure Claire was all right so I went to the inn. I headed up the steps toward the small room located at the top. She was lying on her back with the wee lad curled up next to her. It was a sight to be seen and soon they would both be mine. After a few small words with her I decided to let her sleep and walked back to the stables.

Stepping away from my horse, I looked at my godfather as he came into the stable leading his horse. "Did it cost you much?"

Murtagh put the wrapped bundle on the hay next to me. "Nay, nothin' but a little time and conversation. The clothes belonged to the husband of a Fraser widow about five miles from here. He died awhile ago." He moved closer to the railing of the stall in which he was standing.

"I thank ye." I pulled at the straw still pondering what angle my uncle could be playing at.

"If I had to wager about it she talked the poor bugger into an early grave," he remarked matter-of-factly. I chuckled knowing just how he disliked woman talking too much. "She wants them back by tomorrow night," he continued. I looked over the clothing. It was my family's colors and it had been a long time since I had seen them up close with my own eyes.

"Why?" I countered, not wanting to give them up. It pained me not to wear them all the time. I was thankful for Colum allowing me to live with him and his clan, but I missed my home and family. I really missed Jenny, but I was ashamed of how she was treated because of me. Dougal telling me she had a child by Black Jack hurt deeply. It nearly killed me to be away, but she was better off without me there bringing the Redcoats back to her. She could lose our land and then where would she be?

I ran my hand over the tartan I hadn't worn in almost four years. Murtagh grumbled at me. "I didna ask. I almost didn't bring the damn things back to you anyway. The village is crawlin' with Redcoats!"

"I saw that as I walked back this way after leaving Mistress Beauchamp," I replied. I leaned back up against the railing to think a little. I had so many questions I wanted to ask him about things, but didn't know where to start. He had been there for me as long as I could remember and right now he was my father figure.

"You know if it weren't for that I'd be collectin' my own weddin' clothes and things I would like for her." I was upset that he thought I was taking all of this for granted.

His eyebrows raised almost to his hairline. "What do ye think would happen when ye prance out of here with your red hair, and yer muckle size wearin' Fraser colors?" he halfway snapped. I looked back at him knowing he was right about how things could go, but I wanted this to be just right. "Jamie, you might as well paint a target on your back," he said in a softer voice.

"Murtagh, I plan to be wed but the one time. So I'll do so in a way that would make my mother proud. I will not shame the lady with doin' a half cock weddin'." He just snorted at me and said an indistinguishable word half under his breath just to annoy me.

"What do you make of her? Mistress Beauchamp," I asked really wanting his opinion because over the last month he was able to get to know her as well.

"She'll do just fine," he grumbled in a tone that told me this wasn't something he liked talking about.

"I would like to think my mother would have approved; do ye think she would?"

He grunted. "Do I look like a gypsy to you? Do ye think I am able to commune with the spirits?" I moved a little away from him to get a better look at him. I was hoping he was just bedeviling me. "Have ye still got your brooch?" he asked.

I opened my sporran and fished around in it until I pulled it out. "Here." I handed it to him, knowing very well it was part of him as well.

"Your mother had the sweetest smile. T'would warm a man to the backbone just to see it. I hate to admit this but Claire's smile is just as sweet." He rubbed the brooch a bit with his thumb before handing it back to me. He turned around to tend to his horse ending the discussion right there. I just hoped he was right and Claire cared for me just as much as I cared for her if not more. It pained me at times thinking about losing her. I'd grown to love her if I was being honest with myself. I dinna think I would be able to go back to Leoch without her or her boy. The lad reminded me of myself at times.

***Outlander***

Claire

I couldn't believe just how much a person could forget, but then again you can forget your life after awhile... the life you had before. I just hoped that the things Jamie and I had done in our previous life weren't something I would lose as we embarked on this new life. Because there were things you cherish and hold dear to your heart like pearls on a string. Yet, if you cut the knot, they'd scatter across the floor going every which way, but if you hold them dear to you they'd keep just like the memories you'd created.

"Sounds like the wedding party is still going strong," I murmured knowing full well they wouldn't just let us be. "Don't suppose they're going to bed anytime soon?" Jamie just shook his head and made his way into the room. I'd been slightly nervous. I'd hoped that they were joking when Dougal had said that Roger would be with us if no one would tend to him. I couldn't imagine the damage it could cause him watching two people make love in his presence. Thankfully Murtagh got Willy to tend to Roger so that we could have the night for ourselves without him in the room.

He looked toward me. "No. Not until they know we've made things official."

I had removed some of the heavier layers of the dress, but there was still more to take off. I could tell exactly where his eyes were as I looked at him. The way the wife of the inn's owner dressed me had my breasts pushed up half spilling out of the top of my corset. The thought of him removing my clothing was causing me to want him, but I could see he was nervous. I knew I could wait it out, though. I smiled as I thought of Jamie and how he was annoyed by all the lacings on my corset last time.

"I guess I should be grateful they didn't want to watch," I muttered knowing I had forgotten something about his moment.

"Och, only Rupert and Angus," he replied. He moved a little closer to me and when he saw my expression he added, "A wee joke," sighing as I chuckled a little. He was glad that he'd managed to put a stop to that.

"Right, you're a regular Bob Hope." He gave me a strange look. I'd forgotten the comedian was from my time, not his.

He laughed a little trying to lighten the mood. I didn't understand why it was all awkward for us, but it was. "I hope he was a funny man," he said.

"I thought so, at least he seemed that way to me. Perhaps we should have a drink?" I got up moving toward the bottle and the glasses. I definitely needed a drink.

I handed him a glass after I'd poured the whiskey into it. "Aye," he replied. I picked up my glass as he started to speak. "To a... a lady of grace, a woman of strength, and a bride of astonishin' beauty. My wife, Claire Fraser." He then touched his glass to mine. I poured us both another drink nervously not knowing why my hands were shaking as I did so. "You needn't be afraid of me, Claire. I wasna plannin' to suddenly force myself on ye." He was obviously hurt or worried about my expression.

"Oh, Jamie, I never thought you would." He took the glass from my shaking hand and set it on the table. "I have some questions."

He chuckled nervously. "I suppose you do... especially under the circumstances of us gettin' marrit so fast and all. What is it you would like to know?"

I pondered just how to ask him things without it sounding so redundant. "I'm not going to beat around the bush. Why did you agree to marry me? I mean, Dougal didn't give me much of a choice, but you..." He just chuckled at the way I came right out and said what was on my mind. I knew why he married me from before, but for some reason I felt like I wanted to hear him say it again. I guess if I was being honest I wanted to hear him declare his feelings for me. It was hard at times knowing what things were like for us but not having the two of us on the same page.

"To be honest I didna see I had much choice, either," he murmured.

"Then you just married me to keep me safe," I countered. He looked up, startled by my brash words.

"Aye. That's the gist of it, yes, but there is so much more than that. I feel this pull to ye, I canna explain it, but you've woven a spell on me," he asserted keeping eye contact with me which in turn made his words seem so much more powerful.

I just looked at him. He was the same man I had spent two years with, but different at the same time. He was still new at all this, unsure of his own words and thoughts. "Oh," I softly replied, moving to sit down.

"No, I dinna think you fully understand what I am sayin' to ye. Claire, somehow you've absconded with my heart," he said honestly, very softly and encouragingly.

"How did I do that?" I moved to get up, but his hand kept me seated next to him as I continued. "I just crashed landed in your life bringing Randall closer than he should have ever been, and things just keep getting worse!" I tried to keep myself from breaking down. He was my husband, but also the young man who might have had a different life if I hadn't met him.

"Trust me on this, Claire. I thought I had lost it after all I have endured in such a short time, but you've awakened things in me that brought me to life. I promise you this –you have my name, my clan, my family. And, if necessary, the protection of my body as well," he told me earnestly. I moved to get closer to him. His hand had moved from my hand to my thigh and was sending my nerves through the roof. We were just an inch or two away from each other when I lost my nerve.

"What's your family like?" I blurted. He took a deep breath then exhaled; I could feel the hot air come out. He chuckled when I grabbed his hand that was rubbing circles on my thigh and brought it into my lap while he began to tell me about his mother and father. I felt like this was just the most natural thing for us. I knew he was as nervous as I was, and I thought maybe talking would help to settle us both.

I knew this was a distraction, but it was also something to help him as well. To know he willingly married me as a virgin warmed my heart. I didn't want to rush him into something that might not be good for him, though. I knew our first time went so quickly that I wasn't sure he even had a chance to enjoy it. I knew his family history, but to hear how happy he was to tell me about his mother and father, as well as his distant Aunt Jocasta made this worth it. I was dying to finally have him touch me more, but it was good to get to know each other as well. As he spoke about his family, I knew he would ask me about mine. I shared as much as I could without changing too many of the facts. With Roger I had to say he was mine with my husband even though he wasn't. If Jamie had lived in my time, he might have been a teacher or a writer, because he was a natural storyteller. The way he spoke with so much passion and facts made it interesting to listen to. The time was quickly getting away from us. As I fiddled with my new ring he came to sit back down beside me since he had gotten up as he was talking to refresh our drinks and to move around.

"We can wait," he finally said, grabbing my hand to still my movement.

"Jamie," I began. Suddenly the door flew open startling me.

"I told you to stand back, ye coof, ye!" a voice said. I looked up to see both Rupert and Angus staring wildly at us. I covered my chest with my free arm.

"I told ye we should wait outside the door!" one of them muttered as I looked back at them.

"Did ye think they would answer the door if we just waited?" Rupert said. Jamie had gotten up and strode over to them.

"Why are ye two fools up here?" he demanded, a bit angry.

"We dinna come by for a cup of tea, if ye know what were saying," Angus replied. Very unladylike, I snorted.

"Dougal sent us up to see if ye'd, uh... y'ken?" Rupert said. Angus leered in my direction.

"Did he now?" Jamie remarked. He began to push them out of the room.

"Ye wee fool, they've still got their clothes on," Angus snapped while Jamie moved them closer to the open door.

He shoved them both. "Get out!" They were both still muttering and blathering about breasts and something else when he shut the door on them. He then latched the door to make sure it was shut.

Laughing, I said, "Good god, they're related to you." Jamie just chuckled as well.

"Only Rupert, and distantly, though," he averred, moving a little closer to me while I stood up moving in front of the bed.

Running my hand up my arm as though I felt a slight chill, I said softly, "It is getting late. I think we should go to bed. Maybe then they'll let us be."

Jamie cocked his head slightly. "Well, is it to go to bed... or to sleep?" he asked looking slightly amused. I smiled at him as he moved closer to me. I would leave that choice up to him.