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Chapter 14:fatiscenti muro

"Shit! Fuck!" Lovino yelled as he walked down the street alone.

He was sick and tired of all of this. Tried of these fruitless searches. Sick of the guilty feeling in the pit of his stomach. Tired of sleeping of the stupid park bench. It was getting to be too much, the worry and the guilt. He felt like he was going crazy. Everything began to remind him of Feliciano. Every person that he passed looked like him. But that wasn't the worst of it. Worst than all of that was the guilt he felt when he would forget about Feliciano. Whenever he was with Antonio thoughts of his brother would seem to disappear. Yet in the back of his mind a voice that sounded like Feliciano's would ask " What about me?" Reminding him what was really important. He had more important things to worry about than what were these strange feelings he got around Antonio.

"Fucking Antonio!" He yelled as he kicked a rock. "It's all Antonio's fault!"

Ever since that kiss he had feeling so strange. He had never felt this way before. It scared him. The feeling that he would get around Antonio made him want to tell him everything. For once he didn't want to lie to someone. For once he wanted another person's help. It had been just him and Feliciano against the world. Now Antonio was threatening that. He could let him into their world. The world he had created to keep Feliciano safe. The world he had insured by pushing others away. The last time someone had approached him he had pushed them away so easily. so why couldn't he do it now? Why couldn't he push Antonio away just like all the others? If he didn't push Antonio away any time soon that world would surely crumble.

"Is that a bad thing?" The small voice in his head asked.

"Of course it's a fucking bad thing! Fucking voice in my head you're not helping!" He yelled, not caring about the people around him.

The events of yesterday kept replaying in his mind. He had acted like a child all because he couldn't face Antonio. Every Time he did he thought about that kiss. Thought about how his heart had tightened in his chest. How wonderful the kiss had felt. And how horribly guilty he felt for liking every moment of it. Guilty for indulging in such false happiness. He couldn't look at those emerald eyes. Couldn't risk his search for Feliciano for a happiness that he didn't fully understand. So he ran. Like how he had done when he was a child. He ran away from these feelings and the person who brought on such feelings. He didn't know where he was running to. All he knew was that he the more he stayed with Antonio the more these feelings would grow. The more this fantasy that he had been living would grow. The more he would see Antonio's face in his dreams than his own brother's. If he ran Antonio wouldn't go after him. But Antonio did chase after him. Yelling, telling him to stop. Lovino couldn't stop. He wouldn't stop. He had to keep running if he wanted to see Feliciano again. Being with Antonio was only distracting him from looking for Feliciano. He had to keep running.

"I won't stop for anything." He had told himself.

But just then something did stop him in his tracks. Across from him was a group of guys dressed in hoodies. The same group that had beat his brother in that alleyway.

"Lovino we should go."He heard Antonio whisper.

His feet refused to move from their current spot. He wanted nothing more than to walk over and beat the shit out of that group again. They were apart of the reason Feliciano was missing.

"What are you looking at?" one of the group member asked.

Lovino wanted to go off at the man, but kept his mouth shut. He couldn't let his mouth get him or Antonio in danger. Nor could he let Antonio that he already had a run in with these idiots. And he wouldn't risk another person's safety. This group already had hurt someone he cared about and he wasn't going to let that happen again.

"What were you thinking? We could've been killed!" Antonio yelled after he had dragged him away from the group.

Antonio had never yelled at him like that before. Lovino knew that he had really worried him. He just didn't know what to say. He felt ashamed for putting someone in danger again. If that gang had decided to attack what would he do? Last time he had the upper hand. Last time it was in a narrow alleyway, with only one way in and out. He wanted so badly to go over there and fight,but he couldn't possibly take all of them in the open. He had been lucky to escape with a single stab last time. He only could growl at them. Antonio was right they could've been killed.

"Mi dispiace." He whispered.

"Why were you running? Where did you think you were running to?Lovino what's going on?"

He couldn't answer that truthfully.

"Nowhere. It's nothing."

"Nothing?You suddenly take off into the wrong part of town and nearly get yourself killed! You call that nothing?"

It was reckless ,but what else could he have done? He was so confused. He still was confused. He didn't need to be scolded.

"Shut the hell up! Stop acting like I'm a little kid! Let's just get out of here." He said to end the stupid discussion.

He wanted to end it there,but Antonio grabbed onto him.

"Get your fucking hand off me! Let me go!" He yelled as he tried to slap Antonio with his free hand.

Antonio's grip didn't let up.

"No. I'm not going to let you go until you tell me what's going on. All day you have been acting strange.I want to know why. I need to know"

"E 'tutta colpa tua. Perché stai facendo questo a me?" He said under his breath.

"Please Lovino don't you trust me?"Antonio asked lowering Lovino's arms.

"Mi fido di te. Ed è quello che mi preoccupa."

Lovino couldn't understand why he trusted this man so much. All he had ever done was stay by his side, helping him search. He had never trusted anyone besides his brother. He didn't even fully trust the couple that had raised them. So why? Why did he want to trust Antonio wholeheartedly? It frightened him too much. There was things not even Feliciano knew and he didn't doubt that he would tell Antonio if he asked.

"I will tell you. I will tell you ,but first let's go far away from here. Please."

He wasn't ready to say goodbye to Antonio. Once he told him the story of his missing brother there would be no reason why Antonio wouldn't leave him.

"Sure.I know a place we can go."Antonio said letting go of Lovino's wrists.

As Antonio let go of his wrist Lovino a pang in his heart.

"It's for the best. I need to tell him if only it's a fraction of the truth."Lovino thought as he silently walked along side with Antonio.

His hand purposely brushed against Antonio's as the walked. On the third time he felt Antonio's hand slide down his own.

"I wish He was here." Lovino thought as he looked at his now empty hand. "What the fuck am I thinking?" He yelled at himself.

Deep down he knew that he couldn't deny how he felt in that moment. Couldn't deny how the single touch had felt like an electrical jolt. How his grip tightened around Antonio's hand. How he pretended to not to notice his fingers intertwining with Antonio's. He had felt so happy in that short moment. And that happiness only grew when Antonio took him to the ice cream parlour. It had been the first time he had gone to such a place. Neither he or Feliciano had really gone out to town back at home. There was no need to. Back then they got their food from their garden or traded with people who traveled from town. Feliciano was the only one who ever got to try Gelato. He had never gotten any because every time they were lucky enough to have some in the house he would do something to get himself in trouble. No matter how hard he tried to be good it never worked out. So he never got the to taste the Gelato that his brother rant and raved about. Feliciano once tried to give him some ,but was caught and he was punished instead of Feliciano. When the spoonful of mint had touched his tongue he nearly cried. He had never tasted anything so sweet and delicious before.

"I wish I had money so I could buy some now." He thought. "That mexican chocolate was really terrible though." He laughed.

He had nearly died from the overpowering cinnamon. Lovino was sure that taste would haunt him forever.

"I'll definitely think twice about trying ice cream flavors he likes."

All of this thinking of ice cream made him realize how hungry he was. He didn't feel like dumpster diving or stealing from some's picnic. He had learned his lesson about that.

"I guess there's no helping it." He said as he started to walk in the opposite direction he had been walking.

"I hope that woman isn't working." Lovino thought as he entered the café.

"Like how are you?" Asked an unfamiliar blond at the counter.

He had never seen this blond before. He wanted to avoid talking as much as possible so gave a small nod to the stranger.

"If you want anything like totally ask." The blond said before disappearing into the back.

"That was too weird." He thought as he found a seat.

It was still empty in the café. Lovino didn't understand why more people didn't come to this place. It was a nice place and so far everything Antonio had ordered for him was delicious. At the same time he was grateful for the peace and quiet.

"At least that woman isn't here." He thought as he glanced out the window.

If she was here there was no doubt that she would pester him with questions that he didn't want to answer. Last time he was here he just returned from chasing someone he thought was his brother.

"I still don't get that stupid story. Just who was she talking about anyway?"

"They lost that special person. The two never got together all because the kid had been too afraid to chase after their love or tell them that they loved them." Elizabeta's words echoed in his head.

"Stupid woman. What does she know." He said trying to rid his mind of her words.

Suddenly everything went black and he could feel someone behind him.

"Guess who." He heard a sweet voice say.

Lovino already knew who it was. The brushing of long hair against him and the smell of lilies were a dead give away.

"That stupid woman."

"Hey that's no way to talk to me." Elizabeta said removing her hands from Lovino's eyes. "How did you know it was me?"

"I'm not an idiota. E io non conosco molte persone."

"So what brings you here?" She asked with a smile.

That smile annoyed him. It was as if she knew why he was here. How he wanted to wipe that knowing smile off her face,but he would never raise a hand to a woman. He was raised better than that.

"I came for some peace and quiet."

"Oh really? I thought you that you might've came here to pay me a visit."

"Like the I would do that."

" Aww. I thought you liked me."

"What gave you that stupid idea?"

"No reason. Come On aren't you glad to see me?"

"Not at all." He lied.

He was glad to see Elizabeta again. She was the only person besides Antonio that he was slightly comfortable enough to talk to. Now that she was here he wanted to talk to her. She knew a lot about Antonio. He could talk to her about him. In his heart he knew that what he really wanted to talk about was the strange feelings he had towards Antonio.

"Speaking of peace and quiet where's Antonio?" She asked as she took a seat besides him.

"Antonio?Peace and quiet? That's got to be the funniest thing I've heard all day." He thought as he held back a laugh. "He went grocery shopping."

"Without you? That's strange I thought he said that he would never leave you alone to search."

"How do you know that?" He asked, cheeks reddening.

" You are so cute." She laughed. " I just made that up. If Antonio really did tell you that why didn't he take you with him?"

'I didn't want to go. Too many people" He said thinking back to this morning.

"Hey Lovino do you want to come with me to the supermarket?" Antonio had asked this morning.

"What is a supermarket?"

"A supermarket? You know the place where you buy things like food and house products."

It was an idiotic question ,but he seriously didn't know what a supermarket was.

"Why do you want to go there? I don't think my fratello went there."

"I just need to buy groceries. I'm running low on food back at my apartment. So do you want to come?'

"Like hell I will."

"Why not?"

"Too many people."

"Please come with me. I don't want to leave you alone." Antonio begged , holding onto Lovino's hand.

"I already said no." He said throwing Antonio's hand off.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Antonio asked glumly.

"I was fine on my own before I met you. I'm sure I can handle being on my own for a few hours."

"I'll see you later than." Antonio said, walking away.

At that time Lovino wanted to apologize and go with him. He only said those things because he was grumpy from lack of sleep and hunger. He should've gone with him,but he knew that he had made the right decision. He had acted like an idiot when he had seen a bottle of water for the first time. Lovino doubted that he could contain his idiocy and curiosity in a place filled with unfamiliar objects.

"Do you regret it?" Elizabeta asked.

"What?" He asked stunned by her sudden question.

It was the same question Antonio had asked him last night.

"Does she know what happened? Does she know about last night?" He wondered.

"Do you regret not going with him?"

"No." He lied again.

After a few minutes he had gotten so bored. Everything seemed to be pointless without Antonio. He barely could do anything without that idiot besides him. His mind kept reminding him of the events of the past days. It was annoying.

"You seem to be regretting it. Why else would you come here all alone?" Elizabeta asked.

"I told you I came here for peace and quiet,which you are ruining."

"Ouch. And to think I came in here special just for you."

"What do you mean?"

"I saw you zoning out the window so I came to say hello."

Lovino could tell that she wasn't telling the whole truth.

"I bet you were thinking about Antonio." She continued.

"I wasn't thinking about that idiota and I could've gone without your hello."

"Well if you don't want my company I'll just go." Elizabeta said standing up.

Lovino had to do something quickly. He really didn't want to be here all alone. Elizabeta's company was actually enjoyable.

"You're already here so just stay." He said.

" Are you sure I won't ruin your peace and quiet?"

"You already did. So there's no sense for you to go."

"I guess you're right." Elizabeta said sitting back down. "So how are things going with Antonio?"

"If you are talking about the search, no good. We still haven't found my fratello. Non so dove egli essere possa."

"That's not what I meant... Perhaps you are just looking in the wrong places."

"What do you mean?"

"You two are looking all willy nilly aren't you?"

"Sì?"

"See that's your problem. If you are looking here and there you'll find yourself going in circles. And then you will end up missing him."

"So what do you suggest Ms. know-it-all?"

"For one I don't even pretend to know it all. And two I think that you shouldn't worry about looking at far away places. I think that you two ought to focus around the area that he went missing. In most of these cases the missing person is right under the searcher's nose and they don't know it."

"Se solo fosse così semplice." He whispered looking down at his hands.

"Lovino if you would let me I would like to help you find your brother."

"Don't pity me."

"I'm not.I just want to help you."

"You're an idiota. You don't even know me or my situation. What makes you think you could help?"

"Isn't that the same with Antonio? Would you tell me so I can help you?"

Lovino knew that he couldn't. He had already told Antonio too much yesterday. Although Elizabeta was a nice person he still didn't fully trust her. He didn't even know why he felt like he could trust Antonio. He had been so afraid when he had to tell him what happened between him and that gang. He thought that once Antonio knew that he was nothing but trouble Antonio would leave him. It hurt so much to tell him how he had lost his beloved brother. There was no way he could tell that story to Elizabeta. Antonio didn't leave him like he had expected. Nor did he question anything he had said. Lovino just shrugged it off as Antonio's stupidity. Antonio may not have scrutinized his every word this however didn't mean Elizabeta wouldn't. She wasn't an idiot like Antonio.

"No and I won't tell you."

"Do you trust me so little?"

"I've never been the trusting type."

It was the truth. He had been that way ever since that day. The day that they had left home. He didn't know who he could trust. So he kept Feliciano by his side and built a wall around them. Creating their own world. One where it was the two of them. If anyone threatened that he would chase them away. It wasn't until this town that he could feel that wall crumbling. Allowing others into their world. Lovino wondered just how many people he could let in before that world no longer existed.

"You say you're not the trusting type and yet you do trust Antonio don't you?"

"I'm not sure."

"How can you say that? Antonio has been by her side for a month. Helping you, looking out for you, Caring for you."

"One month can't erase years of distrust."

"Are you afraid that you trust him or that he trusts you?"

"She really is an idiota." Lovino thought.

Elizabeta had just shot a bullseye in his heart. He really wanted to trust Antonio wholeheartedly,but that would be unfair. He was the person who couldn't be trusted not Antonio. He still had things that he couldn't talk about. Things that really would drive Antonio away. Ghosts of his past. Memories of times he had failed his family.

"How could anyone trust someone who has such a past?"Lovino unconsciously whispered.

"Lovino..."

Just then Lovino's stomach let out the loudest growl he had ever heard.

"Oh my. Was that your stomach?" Elizabeta laughed.

"Shut up."

"Wait right here. I'll go get you something." Elizabeta said with a smile.

In any other situation he would've run ,but he was starving.

"All thanks to stupid Antonio." He grumbled.

He would take Elizabeta's offer even if it just was another thing that he owed someone.

"Here we are." Elizabeta said returning with two drinks and three brown bags.

Lovino could smell the distinctive scent of cinnamon coming from the brown bags. He hoped that it wouldn't be too overpowering. As the order was placed on the table Lovino had to resist all urges to tackle Elizabeta for the brown bags.

"What is it?" He asked trying not to sound like he was pleading for the food.

"Caramel mochas and Apple cinnamon pretzels." She said pushing one drink and one brown bag in front of him.

"Grazie."

He didn't waste anytime to rip off a piece of pretzel and pop it into his mouth.

"Do you like it?"

Lovino could only nod as he swallowed.

"It's good. The cinnamon did worry me a little at first."

"I guess Antonio gave you a taste of mexican chocolate ice cream."

"Yeah that stuff is disgusting."

"It really isn't that bad. It's just an acquired taste." She said wrinkling her nose.

Looking down at the brown bag Lovino noticed that it was empty.

"You ate it all already?"

"I guess so." He said before taking a sip of the drink.

"Lucky for you I have one more with your name on it." She said lifting the brown bag.

As he went to grab it Elizabeta quickly drew back her hand.

"Not so fast. The first one was free,but the second will cost you." She said with a smirk.

"What do you want?" He asked , shooting death glares.

"Information." Elizabeta said with a serious face.

"What sort of information?" He asked, playing along with whatever this was.

"I want to know about your status with Antonio."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"You know very well what that means."

Lovino honestly didn't know what she was talking about. Elizabeta had asked a similar question earlier and he had luckily avoided it. He didn't feel like answering stupid questions even if it was for food. His stomach still grumbled.

"I should just act like i don't care about the pretzel and she will let it go." He thought as he took another sip to quiet his stomach.

"If you don't tell me you won't get it." She said dangling the bag in front of his face.

"You can dangle that all you want I'm not going for it." He thought as he continued to drink.

"I know what you are doing. You think if you don't show any interest in this I will just give it to you. Well no dice."

"That thought never crossed my mind." He said with a smirk.

"Hülyeség. Okay let's cut to the chase. I know you kissed Antonio."

"How? How could she possibly know about the kiss?" Lovino thought.

He could feel himself starting to panic. Just like when he was caught for doing something when he was a kid.

"I have to remain calm. I have to remain calm or else things could get bad. She probably doesn't even know about the kiss. She's just trying to get a reaction out of me." He thought.

Lovino remained stone faced. He had perfected this technique over time. It was a technique that he had used when he had to be strong for his brother. Only a few times did this technique fail and Lovino was hoping that this wasn't one of those times.

"Who told you that?"

"A little birdy told me. Don't deny it."

"Do often trust what birds tell you?"

" This one seemed to know what he was talking about."

"Well if this bird tells you everything then why do you need information from me?"

"It's best to hear it straight from the horse's mouth."

" Haven't you heard the saying you can lead a horse to water ,but you can't make it drink?"

Lovino was patting himself on the back. He was holding up pretty well to Elizabeta's interrogation. He had always been a smartass ,but he was calling on all the arguments he had heard to help him win this battle.

"You are as stubborn as a mule. Let me put this into a simple question. Do you admit to kissing Antonio?"

"You are persistent."

"Yes I am. Now stop stalling."

He couldn't hold off anymore. He was putting too much pressure on himself to keep a stern face. Even his stomach was begging him to give in.

"Fuck it! Yes okay. He fucking kissed me. Now give me that pretzel!"

"You admitted it! I thought it would take longer for you to give up." Elizabeta squealed.

"Yeah yeah. Just give me the pretzel."

"Oh that one answer isn't worth a whole pretzel."

"Puttana." He whispered. "What else do I have to tell you?"

He was tired of Elizabeta's horrible good cop bad cop routine. It was probably his best interest to just answer her stupid questions.

"So you admit to receiving a kiss from Antonio."

"I said that ten seconds ago. Do you have short-term memory loss or something?"

"No i don't. I want to know how you felt about it."

Lovino could feel his resolve wavering again. The kiss had plagued his mind for two days straight. All day he had tried to lock that memory in the back of his mind. But with no success he had been constantly reminded of it. And now this woman was asking him how he felt about it of all the things she could've asked him. He rather tell her about his horrible past than his feelings about that kiss.

"Come on tell me."

"It was just a stupid kiss. It meant nothing to me."

"You know what Lovino."

"What?"

"You are a horrible liar.

He could feel her eyes looking straight through his mask of indifference. It unnerved him. It was like all his true feelings were written all over and Elizabeta was reading him like a book. There was no way he could dodge this. He had already let his mask slip. Knew his once stern face now showed how her comment had shocked him.

"Bang." Elizabeta said pointing a finger gun at Lovino's chest. "I got you." She said with a smile.

"What was that?"

"There is one thing you should know about me Lovino. And that's I can see through people's lies. Especially when it's about their feelings towards others."

"This Woman is crazy. For once i wanted Antonio to rescue me from this monster." Lovino thought as he scooted away from Elizabeta. He could feel his cheeks heating up. The thought of her being able to see through each one of his lies worried him. How was it even possible for someone to do that? He had to remain calm. He had to think of a way to turn this situation into his favor.

"How do you know if I'm lying?"

"I have my ways."

"What your little birdy tells you if I'm lying too?"

"That and I have this." She said lifting up something that looked like a small rectangular piece of paper.

"What is that?"

"Evidence." She said placing it onto the table in front of him.

With a hesitant hand he took hold of it. His jaw nearly dropped to the floor. The small rectangle in his hands showed Antonio and him sitting by the café closer he could see Antonio kissing him on the nose. The redness of his cheeks darkened as he stared at the image.

"What is this?"

"Photographic evidence that shows that you feel something towards Antonio."

That wasn't really what he was asking. He didn't fully understand how this woman had managed to capture such a moment on a thin paper like rectangle. He had seen images in newspapers before, but not like this. He would've asked her how it was possible to have this image in his hands, but he didn't want to come off as a complete idiot. It was his brother's job to ask stupid questions.

"Can you honestly deny that you have feelings for him with this?"

"Of course I can." He said with flushed cheeks.

"You really are too cute for your own good."

"I'm not cute." He spat. "Can I just have the pretzel now?"

"You've barely told me anything."

"What do you want me to say? That how the kiss scared me? How my heart tightened in my chest... How good it felt to have his lips pressed against mine...Non volevo che finisse." He said thinking back to the kiss. "Because I'm not going to tell you that!" He said , returning to reality.

Elizabeta's smile grew wider and wider. He was beginning to hate that smile.

"What are you smiling about?"

"Nothing. Here you deserve it." She said tossing the bag at him.

Lovino just couldn't understand this woman. One minute she would be bugging him about stupid things and drop it altogether.

"What do I care I got my pretzel." He thought as he chewed on a piece of his hard-earned pretzel.

"Where do you think Antonio is right now?"

"Don't know and don't care." He said with his mouth full.

Now that Elizabeta had mentioned it he too began to wonder where Antonio was. He didn't think it took this long to buy groceries. And he even though he was grateful for the food and the drink, he was ready to get away from Elizabeta.

"Dove sei Antonio?" he quietly asked the image laying on the table.

"You can keep that photo if you want."

"What?"

"You can have it. It's a really nice picture don't you think?"

"E 'una bella foto... Why would I want this?" He said as he crumbled the picture.

His heart stopped once he realized what he had done. The once beautiful picture now was a crumbled mess in his hands. He liked that picture and would've gladly took it. He just had to go and do something stupid again. Since he acted without thinking he had destroyed the only memento of that happy moment he shared with Antonio.

"Mi dispiace." He whispered.

"If you didn't want it you could've given it back to me." Elizabeta teased. "You're lucky I still have it on a card or I would've killed you for doing that."

Lovino wasn't listening. He couldn't stop beating up himself for ruining the picture. He never regretted having that moment with Antonio. Now he regretted ruining the image of that moment.

"I could fix it couldn't I?" He asked himself.

"Lovino!" Yelled a familiar voice. "What are you doing here?" Antonio asked.

"Killing time waiting for you bastard."

"Hi Antonio."

"Hola Elizabeta."

"Well I should be getting ready for my shift. Nice talking to you Lovino." Elizabeta said before leaving towards the counter.

"You were here talking to Elizabeta the whole time?" Antonio asked.

"No it was more like she was annoying me the whole time."

Lovino looked down and noticed several plastic bags hanging from Antonio's arms.

"What's all that?" He asked pointing to the bags.

"Groceries. I was on my way home when I saw you in the window. At first I thought it might've been someone else since I saw you with a girl."

"Who else did you think it was?"

Antonio remained quiet for a few seconds. In those seconds Lovino was beginning to worry about what Antonio was keeping from him.

"No one I guess. You want to help me take these home?" Antonio asked lifting his weighed down arms.

"Whatever. I've been here long enough." He said standing up from the table.

"Here you can hold some of these." Antonio said handing him two bags.

The bags felt light in his hands. He had expected to be carrying around bricks the way Antonio barely could lift his arms. They were a few steps from the café when he remembered the crumbled picture sitting on top of the table.

"I forgot something." He said before quickly going back to the café.

Without any hesitation he ran to the table that he had been sitting at and picked up the crumbled photo. Placing it in his pocket before leaving once again. He didn't care if Elizabeta saw him or not.

"Did you get what you forgot?" Antonio asked as he jogged back.

" Sì."

"I'm glad."

"Anche a me." He said.

As they walked the faintest of smiles spread across him face.

"Here we are." Antonio said once they arrived at a large building.

Lovino had never seen this building before. How he had missed such a large building was a mystery to him.

"You live here?"

"Yeah all the way on the second floor." Antonio said with a smile. "Don't worry despite the look there isn't many people living here."

Antonio's words comforted him a little .

"Let's just go so I don't have to carry this anymore." He said as Antonio buzzed open the door.

Lovino felt nervous about this place ,but as long as Antonio was by his side he would be alright.

"After you." Antonio said holding the door open.

Lovino was caught off guard by the interior of the building. Inside was a large lobby with a medium-sized fountain in the center across of the front desk.

"Welcome back ." The woman at the front desk greeted.

"Hola." Antonio said back to the woman.

"Is all apartments like this?" Lovino asked as they passed the front desk.

"No they're not. This one is more extravagant than any I've ever seen." Antonio said as he pressed a small button on the wall.

Lovino watched as the button besides the metal door lit up. He was just about to ask why Antonio had pressed the button when the metal door opened. The sudden movement startled him so much that he let out a little scream before hiding behind Antonio.

"What the hell is that?"

"It's an elevator. I know it looks scary but it's perfectly safe." Antonio said as he dragged Lovino towards the elevator.

Hesitantly Lovino walked into the strange room behind the metal door. The walls of the room was decorated in flowers. On the back to the side of the metal door was more buttons. He watched as Antonio pressed one of those buttons and the metal door slowly close. A jolt beneath his feet , caused him to worry more. It felt like at any minute the room would shrink and squish him.

"I'm going to die. I'm going to die all because I followed this idiota into this death trap!" He thought as he held onto Antonio.

With a ding the metal door opened and Lovino ran out as fast as he could.

"I never want to go in that thing ever again." He said.

Lovino couldn't even remember the last time he had been that concerned about his own safety. He wondered why he hadn't suddenly transformed into a dog. It usually happened when he was scared to death. However he was grateful that he didn't. The last thing he wanted to do was having to explain why he had turned into a dog.

"Lo siento. I didn't think that t would scare you that much."

"Of fucking course it scared me. I could've died. That's the first and last time I'm stepping one foot in that."

"You sure are lucky that i only live on the second floor. We'll take the stairs on the way down."

"How far is your room?"

"Not far." Antonio said taking a few steps down the hall. "See we are already here. Room 202." He said with a smile.

After Antonio quickly fiddled with the bags he produced a key from his pocket and opened the door. Antonio's room looked even more extravagant than the lobby. It was far larger from what Lovino was expecting. From the doorway he could see a large sitting area and a kitchen to his right. A dining room across from the kitchen.

"Make yourself at home." Antonio said as he placed the bags on the island in the middle of the kitchen.

Lovino wanted to explore this strange place. Passing the kitchen and dining room he found a narrow hallway. To the right in the hallway was a single wooden door. Curiosity getting the better of him he entered the room. Inside was a large bed draped in red and yellow. A closet with a wardrobe was to the left of the bed. To the right was a sliding door with curtains. To the left side of the room was another door that he suspected to be the bathroom.

"What do you think of this place?" Antonio asked.

"It doesn't seem like you."

"I know. It was the least glamorous room I could get here. I literally had to beg to get this room. Madre insisted that I get the whole floor to myself."

"Least glamorous? The whole floor? Just who is this guy?" Lovino asked himself as he stared at Antonio.

Antonio never came off as the typical rich person. Lovino had many run ins with those type of people. They would turn their heads and ignore him and his brother when they begged for food. Call them mutts and walk away without a backwards glance. He hated those types of people. Antonio was nothing like them. He continued to stare. Wondering how someone so idiotic and kind could possibly afford this place.

"I know I have some explaining to do. Let's go talk in the sitting area." Antonio said walking out of the room.

Lovino took one last look before trailing after him.

"Would you like anything to drink or eat?" Antonio asked as they walked past the kitchen.

"No."

"Alright." Antonio said as they continued to the sitting area.

"How big is this apartment?"

"It's actually bigger." Antonio said pointing to a bare wall. "That wall opens. I have no real need for that much room so I keep the door shut."

Lovino was speechless. There was no way that this idiot could afford to stay here if he wasn't rich. Why Antonio had never said a word about it baffled him.

" I get it. It's a lot to take in. My friends were shocked too when they first came here." Antonio said plopping on the couch.

Lovino slowly lowered himself to the couch. If felt so good to sit on something so soft. If he could he would lay there forever. He could feel his eyes grow tired, but he refused to sleep in an unknown environment.

"You can sleep if you want."

"I'm fine. Stop stalling and explain yourself.

"Alright. I'm renting this apartment or that's what I'm suppose to be doing. My parents are the ones who are paying for this place until I'm done with school."

"Why did you pick here?"

"My parents picked this place since it's not too far from home. Also this building is owned by the company that my father works for. I'm not really sure what he does, but he gets paid well."

"What about your mother?"

"She works at home. I moved to get away from all the craziness at home. I love my parents dearly ,but it was hard to have real family time when they were busy so much. It was like living in a company with all the coworker parties and Madre's meetings."

There was a lot more to Antonio than Lovino had previously thought. It was almost funny how up until now he had never thought about who Antonio really was. What his parents did , who they were, or where he lived. Lovino had only come to know Antonio as a kind idiotic stranger who went to some school and had strange friends.

"Just how much is there to this guy?" He wondered.

"What about you? Where do you live?" Antonio asked.

"You think just because you show me where you live that i will willingly tell you where I live? I'm not that stupid."

He couldn't tell him the truth. In this town he had no place to stay. There was no longer a place for him or his brother to stay. Home no longer existed.

"I was just wondering."

"Well I never lived in a place as nice as this. I can't tell you where I live now ,but I can tell you about the home I once had."

Lovino didn't know why he suddenly wanted to talk about home. He rarely broached the subject with Feliciano. Hadn't he wanted to bury that part of his past? Isn't that why he never truthfully answered when Feliciano had asked him if he missed home? So why was he even bringing it up?

"I would like that." Antonio said.

"There's no backing out of it now." He thought. "My fratello and I were raised in a cottage in the countryside of Italy. It was way out in nowhere really. We had to grow our own food and prepare our own dishes. It couldn't even compare to this place."

He still could image home. The gardens where they grew vegetables, the apple tree that he would get scolded for climbing, and the flowers that surrounded the cottage. All of it was still so clear in his mind. He had missed it deeply the first few weeks away. It was the hardest weeks he had experienced. Often he would think about turning around and running back home,however he knew there was no home to return to. Til this day he missed that cottage in the middle of nowhere.

"Why did you leave?"

Lovino's lips tightened. Feliciano didn't even know the real reason behind their leaving. If anyone deserved to know the reason why it was Feliciano.

"That's none of your business." He said getting up from the couch.

He had to leave. If he didn't there would be more questions about his past that he wasn't fully ready to answer.

"I didn't mean to upset you." Antonio said grabbing Lovino's arm.

"You have the bad habit of grabbing onto me." He said trying to fling Antonio's hand off.

"That's only because you have the bad habit of running away."

He could feel Antonio's grip tighten. He wouldn't let Antonio win this battle.

"It's your fault."

"Why is it my fault?"

"You know why." He said putting all his strength into a single tug.

The force was so hard that it caused both of them to fall. His breath caught in his chest as he looked at emerald eyes staring down at him. Heat returning to his face. He could feel the strange feeling creeping up again as they laid there. The quick beating of his heart echoing in his ears.

"This is bad." He thought.

His body refused to move out from under Antonio. All he could do was stare at the man above him. The man who had stayed by his side for so long. The man who Elizabeta forced him to reveal his feelings for. The man he didn't know much about. The man who gave him his first kiss.

"I can't allow myself to get caught up in this." He reminded himself.

"I'm sorry about that." Antonio said suddenly getting up.

Lovino slowly sat up. The beating of his heart still echoing in his ears.

"If you really want to go you can." Antonio said walking towards the island.

"Antonio.."

"I won't keep you here. I'm sure you have somewhere else you rather be."

"Non c'è."

"Here." Antonio said handing him a bag filled with food.

"What is this?" He asked, taking the bag.

" I bought you some things when I was out."

"I.."

"Please just take it." Antonio said as he went to the front door.

Lovino could feel a hole begin to form in his heart as they walked to the stairwell. It was as if the cheerful Antonio he knew had somehow disappeared. He hadn't meant to hurt him. He just wanted to run from his own strange feelings. The walk down stairs went in a blur. He wasn't ready to leave. Did he ever want to leave? If he apologized would Antonio take him back inside?

"I'll see you tomorrow after school." Antonio said before leaving Lovino at the entrance.

Tears threatened to fall as he watched Antonio leave through glass doors.

"Isn't that what you wanted? To push him away." Asked the little voice in his head.

"I thought that's what I wanted." He thought reaching into his pocket.

He held the crumble ball in his hand, slowly smoothing is out. It was no use. The picture didn't look like how it was when Elizabeta had given it to him. Tears began to drip onto the distorted image and he quickly wiped them off. As tears continued to roll down his cheeks he began his walk back to the park. He felt so weak as he hugged the photo. Just like the photo in his hands he could feel his wall crumble. Lovino began to wonder if he would ever be able to rebuild that wall or if he even wanted to.

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Author notes:

Another day another chapter done. Hope you liked it. Sorry about all the ups and downs in this chapter. Lovino chapters help me get rid of all my personal ups and downs.

Not going to lie life is being one heck of a jerk to me this week. I don't want to throw myself a pity party or anything but it has been one thing on top of the other. Here's just some of the highlights of the week; I didn't get accepted into my two top colleges and then I got a letter from my insurance. Do you remember a while ago when I told you guys about my jaw locking open at the dentist? Well it turns out I'm not covered for that. So now I have to pay nearly $700 for a guy who basically snapped my jaw back into place. Honestly I could've bought a brand new mandible for that price. Don't you just love life's disappointments? Okay onto more important things than my $700 mandible.

Thanks to all the people who have recently favorite this story. I'm grateful to all of you for helping me accomplish my dream of being a writer. I write for you as much as I do for me.

Translations:

Italian:

fatiscenti muro- crumbling wall

E 'tutta colpa tua- it's all your fault

Perché stai facendo questo a me?- why are you doing this to me?

Mi fido di te. Ed è quello che mi preoccupa.-I trust you. And that's what worries me.

E io non conosco molte persone- and I don't know many people

non so dove egli essere possa- I don't know where he can be

sì-yes

Se solo fosse così semplice- if only it were that simple

puttana- bitch

non volevo che finisse- I didn't want it to end

Dove sei Antonio?- where are you Antonio

E 'una bella foto- It's a good photo

sì- yes

Anche a me- me too

Non c'è.- there isn't

idiota- idiot

fratello- brother

grazie- thank you

Mi dispiace-I'm sorry

Hungarian:

hülyeség- bullshit

Spanish:

Hola- hello

Lo siento- I'm sorry