Disclaimer: None of the characters here belong to the author.

 --  --  -- 

July 10, AW Late that night...

Cagalli irritably stalked across the beach, sending white sand flying in all directions. She looked around squinting into the deepening darkness that had it not been for the somewhat lopsided moon hanging lazily directly above her, she knew she would not be able to find what she was looking for. Not that she was doing a good job of it now; she's been looking around for Kira for over half an hour already, but there still was no sign of him, like as if her little brother did not like to be found.

The last thing she had seen of him was when he had helped Dearka out with the bonfire. (Because the boys had been so smart as to forget to bring along a tent, so they were fated to sleep under the stars that night. Except for Milly, who would be sleeping in the van with the babies.) After that, he disappeared, leaving Lacus quite disappointed. She seemed to be smiling less the whole day. What annoyed her was that even Athrun had managed to vanish in thin air. She had found him easily. Or rather, he found her. He had ambushed her in the trees, cornering her against a rock. He then started acting like the freak that he has become. So she kicked him in the groin, threatening him – and meaning it – that if he so much as plucked at a button from her blouse again, he will die a very violent death.

So leaving him jumping up and down in the most pathetic state she had ever seen him in – why on Earth do they jump up and down like that, anyway? – she had then set off to find the other missing.

Right now, she was starting to lose her patience. Then again, she's been losing her patience around everybody lately. It was probably stress, what with Cathrun misbehaving majority of the time, and Athrun acting the way he did. She was about to result to screaming Kira's name at the top of her lungs when she finally spotted him.

He was sitting alone on top of a huge rock, his knees against his chest. He was obviously examining something clutched in his right hand, but she could not tell what his face was conveying. His brown hair, which she had observed to have grown considerably in the last month or so, covered his face in shadows that not even the moonlight could show his feelings. Then again, he was always hiding his feelings. It was only lately that she had seen him laughing along, kidding around with the rest, making fun of Yzak's misfortunes and Sai and Kazui's practical jokes and misfits. But she knew, deep down, he was faking it.

A sister could always tell.

Approaching quietly, hoping to catch him off-guard, she tiptoed to her right, planning to surprise him from behind, but no sooner had she taken her second step, Kira raised his eyes to her and smiled his small smile. "Cagalli? What are you up to?"

Cagalli froze. Of course! How stupid of her! No one could take him by surprise. He was too... "genetically enhanced." She cringed at the thought. The fact made him look like a lab specimen, like a science project. Shaking her head, she waved and approached the rock he was perched on.

"Move over," she muttered, shoving him hard to make some space for her to sit on next to him.

Kira grunted as he almost fell from the rock, scooting over a bit to let her sit. "Hello to you, too." He slowly tried to stuff his right fist into his pockets, but Cagalli snatched his wrist quickly and pried his hand open.

Cagalli peered down at it to see, tilting his palm up to the light of the moon.

It was a thin, silver ring. Nothing was that grand about it.

The princess looked up to her brother's eyes and blinked. "Hey. Lacus' ring. Why did you take it off?"

Uncomfortably, he pulled back his hand and stuffed the ring into his pocket, then looked out into the sea. "Nothing."

Cagalli frowned. She tried to open her mouth, to tell this stupid boy that this was what he had to do, to tell Lacus of what he felt for her and live happily ever after. But she decided against it. She had always known that she was a very headstrong girl, always telling people what to do, always wanting to have her way. Evidence enough to prove that she was, in fact, a spoiled brat, contrary to what she wanted to believe. Yeah, she had always been in denial. But right now, her brother needed her, for what, she didn't know, and the last thing she wanted was to impress upon him her dominant attitude.

So instead, she leaned back on the rock, her face up to the sky, and sighed. "That volleyball on the face sure must have hurt."

Kira's answer, however, surprised her. "A wakeup call. That's what it was."

"Huh?"

Kira turned his lavender eyes to her, then immediately looked away. "Cagalli, how would you know if you were in love?"

Cagalli almost fell off the rock. "In love?"

"Yeah. In love."

She scratched her head uneasily. "Gee, let me see. It's like, you're thinking about the person all the time. You always want to be around her. And I guess you'd be having these feelings that you know you're willing to offer your life for her if the need arises. I don't know. It's kind of hard to explain... Why ask?"

The Freedom pilot shrugged. "Nothing, I guess..." After a moment, however, he changed his mind, discarding the conversation even before it began. "Cagalli, the last few days we're here in Abashiri, I felt alive. Laughter kept me alive. School, the doll, you. All of these kept me wanting to live, because it's fun. But every time I would find myself alone and with no one to laugh with, I would be dragged back into that time, when others have died for such a worthless cause, and I would feel bad, because I lived. And they didn't."

The mere conversation made Cagalli weak. She knew where this was leading to. "Fllay, right? We're talking about Fllay?"

It was remarkable, the change in his features. His posture, his face, everything changed, at the mention of the name. He buried his face in his knees. "I could have saved her, you know. I had sworn to protect her. And I failed. It's like a never-ending war inside my head, before I go to sleep, or when I wake up in the morning, it's all that I think about. Fllay screaming at me for not trying hard enough. Fllay dying because my best wasn't good enough. Everything, it's not good enough. My existence, even with the fact that I'm special, was not good enough..."

That surely threw her off the loop. She really had not known Fllay that long. She had seen her around but could not remember a moment where she got to talk to her civilly. Well, there was that one time on the deck of the Archangel. She had walked in on Kira while he was crying, (he tried to deny it, of course.) and she tried to comfort him, and then Fllay walked in, wearing that awfully short skirt and that uncalled for blouse... And if she were to be honest with herself, she never really knew what Kira saw in the red-haired girl. She could pass off as pretty, she supposed. But her personality did not look like Kira's type.

Milly had told her about the girl. Apparently, she had been very bitter about the death of her father, and was out hurting other people, specifically Kira, because she was looking for someone to blame. Cagalli frowned. She wanted to say that she somehow understood her, but in reality, she didn't. She, after all, had lost her father as well, but she did not go around continuing the chain of hurt and hate by causing others more grief. The girl probably was so into herself, thinking that she was the only one who was robbed of a loved one in that war... What a very selfish thing to think about...

Milly had also said that she had been Sai's girlfriend. Being a swell girl, she really did not bother asking for details. All she knew was that things got really messy and they kind of unofficially broke up and the girl just suddenly started hanging around Kira, seducing him into a fighting machine, regardless of what he felt about war and killing.

Cagalli sighed and placed a hand gently on her brother's shoulder. "Whose standards are you using to define what's good enough, anyway?"

Kira blinked and continued to stare into nothingness, probably pretending to think. He did not answer her question. "I could have saved her. There were so many things I could have avoided then, you know. Nicol dying, Tolle dying, Fllay... Many others I don't know the names of..."

Cagalli snorted. "Oh, so now you're blaming yourself for not being able to save the entire species? Don't give yourself too much credit. As far as I could remember, you weren't the one who started the war. If anything, you were actually one of the few who started seeing it through a different angle."

"But they still died..."

"Yeah. So?"

Kira stared at her as if she had just sprouted horns. "So? That's all you have to say? So?"

Cagalli did not like that. He made her sound like as if she didn't care, when she knew deep down, she did. "God, what do you want me to say, Kira? What do you want me to do? Cry? Blame myself because my dad decided to die with style when he could have avoided such a tragedy if he had been smart enough to have thought of having a remote control detonator in his pocket? Do you want me to say that I'm not happy with what happened because many people died and I lived?"

That was when they started screaming at each other. Depressed people who try to hide their feelings, they really should not be talking to each other without other people present. They might just end up hurting each other. "Yeah, Cagalli! Like maybe you could show a little grief at the loss of your father! Like maybe for once, you could just pause and think of those who died, instead of playing kissing games with Athrun all day!"

All right! That was definitely below the belt! She did NOT play kissing games with Athrun all day! Cagalli clenched her hands into fists. "FYI, Kira. I am sad that my father is gone. And there are times when I would think that, yeah, I wish he really hadn't died at all! But reality check, Yamato: HE'S DEAD. Whether I like it or not! I've lost friends, too, just like you. We all have. But you don't see us moping around refusing to accept the fact that WE, unlike them, ARE STILL ALIVE!!! Sure, grieve! There's nothing wrong with that. But to keep on thinking about it, letting our memories bind us in that prison that we so desperately tried to get out of, it's pointless, Kira! Look around you." She gestured wildly at the distance where Dearka was sitting in front of the bonfire across from Yzak, who looked like he was crouched deep in thought. Athrun, Milly and Lacus were not there.

"Look at everyone here. Everyone is struggling to be free from the memories. Dearka, a Coordinator who had practically nothing going on for him, ready to kill anyone who got in his way before, can take care of a stupid doll better than you and Athrun can! He's trying very hard to enjoy his life, and is now doing his best to make up for the grief he's caused Miriallia, and HECK! I wouldn't be surprised if he ended up loving her! Which leads me to another delicate matter, because I don't think Miriallia is ready, yet she looks like she's warming up too fast. And since I'm such a swell girl, I will gladly explain what it means. It means that she may either make Dearka happy, or make him the most miserable guy in the world. Athrun, his father had died, too! And now he could hardly think about it coz of his - " Cagalli held back the words that almost escaped her mouth about her horny boyfriend. "– his own problems. And there's Yzak, who looks like he won't last till Fall at the rate Sai and Kazui are ganging up on him - "

This time, Kira was annoyed. He pulled at his hair irritably. "Look, I really don't know where this conversation is going, so let's - "

"I'll tell you where this conversation's going. It's leading to the obvious fact that everyone has had their problems then, but they have a new set of problems now. YOU have different priorities now, Kira! You have different obligations to different people. People who are ALIVE!"

At first, Cagalli thought the silence between them meant that she had won, but she had another thing coming. Kira sighed and hopped down the rock. With his back turned to her, he shook his head. "Someone like you can never understand me..."

And that was when Cagalli snapped. She leaped off the rock, grabbed Kira by the collar, whirled him around and punched him on the mouth so hard he staggered back a few steps. She did not realize she was breathing hard. She unconsciously unclenched her hands and stared at her palms where her nails had been digging in. A few more seconds and she swore she could have drawn blood.

Kira looked at her in disbelief. "Cagalli?"

The princess furiously rounded on him. "I think you should stop thinking about the things you can't change and start thinking of the things that you can!" She sized him up with blazing eyes. "Because if you haven't noticed yet, there's a person who would gladly accept you not because she wants anything in return, but because she really cares for you. And you know what? She cares about what you feel. And that matters so much to you, right, Kira? Other people thinking about your feelings?"

And then they were silent. Cagalli sucked in sharply, filling her lungs to bursting, then letting it go slowly. Her heart was racing. It annoyed her so much that she had to be the one saying this to him, since she really was not that patient with explaining things. But a sister's got to do what a sister's got to do...

But just when she was going to say something to him again, the next thing that happened almost made her heart ache.

Kira started to cry...

Quiet tears first fell slowly down his cheeks, then more tears came. Kira looked shocked at what he was doing. At first he touched the tips of his fingers to his cheek, then when he realized what was happening, he hurriedly dashed them away. Cagalli swallowed hard. Thoughts of Kira on the deck, all alone and hurting, flooded back to her, making her heart ache even more. Her face breaking into a very sad smile, she spread her arms wide and enveloped Kira in a tight embrace, just as she did before. "There, there..." she murmured.

Unlike before, though, Kira was not hesitant at returning the gesture. Burying his face in her hair, he started to weep, like a boy who needed his mommy. "I want to move on, Cagalli! I know I have to, because you're right, but it's just so hard...! I don't think I want to allow myself to forget about them all, but I will move on. Help me... But, w-why won't they stop coming, Cagalli? Why can't I stop crying?"

Gently rubbing his back to comfort him, she whispered in his ear. "Let them come. Let them all come, Kira. Cry. Grieve for those you've lost in the war. Grieve until your heart feels better. And after crying, we will laugh..."

 --  --  -- 

Athrun winced as he slowly sat down a few paces from the camp fire and sighed as he looked out into the distance. Summers in Hokkaido, according to what he's heard, were supposed to be warm. But tonight was probably an exception. Goosebumps were forming up his arms and legs as a cool breeze blew in from the water. Pressing onto his stomach, he groaned. Cagalli kicked like a horse.

So far, this was the farthest he had gone with her, attacking her shorts, and so what he got was pretty much the farthest thing she's ever done to him. Man, things were really not looking up... Not just once did he ask himself what was wrong with him. Maybe he needed someone to talk to.

"Hello, Athrun."

Athrun looked over his shoulder and saw Lacus approaching him. She was wearing the sweater she had borrowed from Dearka. Which confused him. Where was Kira anyway? He smiled, waved, and then patted the sand next to him. "Hey there. Care to join me?"

She nodded and settled next to him. "My, the night is pretty. I cannot believe how bright the moon is."

Athrun's eyes automatically flew to the moon. Honestly, he hated staring at it. It reminded him too much of his father's stupidity. "Yeah. Nice moon." He returned his gaze to the sea. "How are you doing?"

She smiled, pretty much the same way she used to smile, her eyes closing a bit, her head tilting to the right. He had memorized everything about her then, because he had wanted to make sure he would not forget the face of his bride-to-be. That was then, of course. And now, he considered her as a good friend. But his memory, however, told him that there was something different about her now. She looked... troubled. Lacus Clyne was never troubled. She could face a room-full of armed men out to get her for treason, and she wouldn't even bat an eyelash.

He peered into her face. "Are you all right?"

The question caught her off-guard. "Me? Why ask, Athrun? I am fine."

The Justice pilot chuckled softly. "You always had been a good liar. You can keep your emotions inside without letting anyone know what you feel. But right now, I can tell you're fibbing. Which is the reason why I'm asking if you're okay."

She blushed at the statement. "Am I that obvious?"

"No. I'm that perceptive. Is it about Kira?"

Again, she was caught off-guard. "How did you know?"

"Who else could it be? Our daily activities involve school, home, baby and friends. Can't possibly be home or school, coz you girls probably have that covered already, and of course there's the baby, but yours is like an angel compared to mine. So that leaves Kira."

She laughed weakly, pushing a stray strand of pink hair behind her ear. In the glow of the fire, her face looked younger than her age. She needed to smile. She was that kind of girl that needed to be happy all the time. "Kira and I are fine. We're friends."

"Why do I have the feeling that that's exactly the problem?"

That made her laugh. She started to dig her toes in the cool sand, busying herself with making sure her feet were unseen. She was stalling, he knew. But when she started to speak, he felt sorry for her, simply because he understood what she meant. "Athrun, have you ever felt confused about your life lately? Because I have. I am very confused, because I've grown up with everyone thinking and deciding for me. My life, it was a big script for me to just follow and read along with." She giggled, picking on the sand with a long rock she had unearthed. "Like us, getting married and all that, because our parents told us so. It involved little or no feelings and emotions at all. All we needed was a little getting used to. And our future is decided because we know it's 'for the best', right? But now, we're here, deciding for ourselves, and I have no idea how to handle the privilege."

Athrun imitated her, plunging his toes in the sand. It felt good, wriggling his feet in the compressing grains. "Are you scared?"

"Huh?"

"Are you scared of making your own decisions because of the possibility you might make a mistake?"

She paused a bit, then shrugged. "I guess that's a part of it. Isn't it silly? I've led people out there in a war, and we were victorious. But I can't even lead my own feelings."

Athrun looked at her from the corner of his eyes. "That's a totally different thing. The problem with feelings, as opposed to soldiers, is that they're very insubordinate. You can tell your heart that you shouldn't feel this or that, because we'll end up getting hurt, but we feel it anyway, because we can't help it. Like I suppose what you're feeling right now about Kira. Right?"

Lacus rested her chin on her knees and laughed softly. "You really are that perceptive?"

Athrun shook his head. "I'm afraid at that department, you're too obvious. We all see it, Milly, Cagalli. I guess even Dearka does, and I suppose Yzak. Cagalli wouldn't stop pummeling me when I accidentally spiked that ball to Kira earlier. Sorry about that, by the way."

"Oh, you don't have to be sorry. We really weren't talking about anything?"

"You're lying again."

She scratched her forehead, embarrassed. "Sorry. I was waiting for him to say something, anything, about where we stand now. Believe me, I think Cagalli isn't the only one with the patience of a housefly. I guess I have to wait for him a little while longer."

The Justice pilot started drawing circles on the sand and smiled. "Okay, so tell me again why you have to wait for him to draw the line between you two."

Lacus gasped, scandalized. "Why, you ask? Because it's the standard, Athrun. It's the ideal way to start."

"That the guy should make the first move?"

"No! I mean yes. I mean... Oh, Athrun, stop making it really hard for me. There's more to it than that. Kira, he's different from any other guy. He has too many issues that I cannot help him with, too many sad memories I will not be able to erase..."

"Fllay?" Athrun sighed in resignation, digging his feet deeper into the sand. He supposed he understood Lacus' point. But he didn't know what to say to make her feel any better than how she feels now.

Lacus tried to brush away the thick tension between them at the mention of the name. "I have no right to tell Kira how I feel. It would be easier if I knew that I wouldn't care whether or not he says yes or no. But the brutal reality of it is, I care a lot. I'm really selfish that way."

Athrun turned to face her and pulled gently at her bangs. "Don't say that, Ms. Clyne. I have never met anyone who is as selfless as you. Kira would be stupid if he let you go."

Lacus gazed at him for a few silent moments, then smiled. "Thank you, Mr. Zala. Cagalli is very lucky to have you, too."

The elation Athrun felt for having helped her automatically nose-dived."Yeah, right. Cagalli, lucky. As if."

It was the songstress' turn to inquire. "Are you having a bit of a problem with her?"

Great. This was what he was trying to avoid; talking to a girl about a guy thing. But he really needed help. Dearka was the only one he had tried to talk to about it. He really didn't help much. Scratching his head uncomfortably, he lied down on the sand, his hands behind his head. "I don't know if you'd understand it, but I think something is wrong with me."

"Wrong?"

"Yeah. It's kind of complicated. And embarrassing to tell." The Justice pilot sighed as he stared at the sky, trying to decipher the constellations in his field of view.

Lacus looked down at him curiously, her big eyes blinking slowly. "Embarrassing, you say? Could it be that I could help in any way?"

"Help, huh?" Athrun rolled to his side, propping his elbow in the sand and then resting his head in his palm. "Have you ever felt like you wanted something so badly in your life that only one person can offer you, and you know that it's wrong to demand it, but you feel so strongly to have it?"

Lacus stared at him for a while, deep in thought, then she slowly answered. "Well, there was this one time when I had wanted to go out for ice cream, and my father wouldn't let me go out alone, and he didn't want me to go out with anyone else but you then, but you were away to train, so I ended up craving for ice cream all day... Does that count?"

Athrun felt his mouth drop open. Who was he kidding, talking to Lacus, the embodiment of innocence? Here he was talking about sex, and she was talking about ice cream.

When he didn't respond, Lacus waved a hand in front of his face. "That doesn't count, huh?"

Athrun fell on his back again. "Hardly. But since we're there on the subject, let's make it simpler, shall we? Let's say, this craving, ice cream, well, didn't it hurt? When you badly wanted it, but you weren't able to get it because of factors that are beyond your control?"

The songstress smiled and started to shove sand around Athrun's arm. "I suppose. Yeah, I felt really moody the whole week, because you didn't come to visit me then and I really had wanted ice cream..."

"Ouch. So you just wanted me there because I was your ticket to the ice cream house?" She started to protest, but Athrun laughed. "I'm only kidding, Lacus. Continue."

Lacus frowned at him, but continued with what she was saying, as well as trying to bury his arm in sand. "Well, as I was saying, I was moody the whole week. I tried to find alternatives, like that two-month old Popsicle in the freezer, but it wasn't the same. It wasn't enough."

Athrun felt his face heat up. Kissing Cagalli just isn't enough...

Lacus started to pour sand on Athrun's chest now. "But you know what?"

"What? And what the heck are you doing?"

She giggled. "Trying to bury you alive."

Athrun groaned inwardly. "All right, but this is just because you're listening to me. Continue."

"Well, at the end of the whole week of being deprived of my craving, you came."

"I did? When was this again?"

"You brought my first Haro, then. Don't you remember?"

Suddenly, the memory came back. "Oh, right! I brought you a gallon of mint chocolate ice cream! But I didn't stay long then, right? Barely ten minutes so I didn't know what you did after that. What did you do?"

Lacus laughed gaily. She seemed to be enjoying herself covering him with sand. "I pigged out in my room, eating it all by myself! Finished it the moment I opened it."

"What? No way? That was a gallon!"

"Of ice cream! Do you get what I'm saying?"

"Huh?"

"As related to your problem. You see, I wanted ice cream so badly the whole week, but I knew that I could not have appreciated the mint chocolate you've brought as much as I did then, if I didn't wait that long before I had it. If, let's say, I had a bit of chocolate mousse ice cream anytime in the week, the gallon would have been stowed away in the freezer with the Popsicle after a couple of spoonfuls." She finished burying his upper body and had now started with his other arm. "Sometimes, it's better that way, because in the end, with the satisfaction we get, we'd say to ourselves, 'Hey! It was worth the wait!'."

Athrun blinked in amazement at the sudden realization of what she had just said. The analogy was so simple, yet so true... Of course, he knew that telling his hormones to behave was going to be a difficult job, but he kind of knew where to start, now that he's found a motivation.

Lacus stopped pushing sand against him and pointed to the far shore. "Look. Cagalli and Kira are back. I wonder where they went?" Just then, a sad look passed her face again at the sight of Kira.

Athrun pushed himself up, brushing his shirt of white sand. "Lacus, talk to him. Tell him how you feel. It doesn't matter. Just do it. Don't even try to bother thinking about what he might say, because either way, what you feel matters, too. However it'll go, so long as you know you've told him, you'll be able to put your heart to rest."

Lacus bit her lips nervously, but slowly, painfully, she nodded. "You're right. I think I'll go approach him..."

Athrun turned around to look over at Kira. "Don't bother. He's coming this way." Standing up, he reached out and offered a hand to the songstress. She took it and he helped her stand. "Good luck." He nodded at her and jogged over to meet Kira and Cagalli halfway. At the sight of him, Cagalli instantly scowled, patted Kira on the back, then went to approach the van parked nearby.

Athrun paused to say hi to Kira, then ran after the princess. He caught up to her halfway to the vehicle. He didn't try to grab her arm to stop her from walking; he knew better than that. Instead, he called out to her. "Cagalli, can we talk?"

She did not stop walking.

"Please?"

She still didn't stop walking.

Athrun tried again. "I'm sorry, Cagalli. I was wrong to have pressed myself on you that way, okay? I'm sorry for being that way for the past week or so. What can I do to make it up to you?"

That made her stop. Athrun found himself nervously gritting his teeth. Asking Cagalli suggestions for redemption wasn't exactly a good idea, but he knew he was wrong, and if it was needed for him to walk on burning coals to get her to forgive him, then so be it.

Cagalli turned around to face him. Athrun took a step back, ready to face the flames of hell, but none came. In fact, the princess had a very calm face, her eyes very placid. She crossed her arms over her chest and sighed. "Come here, Athrun."

He slowly dragged his feet across the sand, almost stumbling when he tried to avoid a scuttling hermit crab in the way. He stuffed his hands inside his pockets and looked down on the ground, waiting for the punishment.

A minute passed. Then five. Then ten. Nothing came. Except for a cool hand on his cheek. He looked up to see Cagalli staring at him dryly. "Athrun, all I want from you is a bit of respect that I think I deserve. To tell you honestly, I am very flattered that you find me... uh... that appealing. But - "

Athrun cut her off. "Cagalli, you don't have to explain. I understand. And I was a beast for having even tried. I want to blame it on my body, but that's really no excuse. Look, I promise you that I will take full responsibility of my actions from now on." He cupped her hand touching his cheek and smiled sadly. "Because I want to make it worth the wait, Cagalli. I want to make it worth the wait... Whenever that would be, because I could never be more sure with my feelings... Knowing that it wouldn't matter. However long it's going to take. Coz in the end, it's always going to be with you."

That surely had her thinking. She was staring at him with saucer-wide eyes. Then after a moment, she did the last thing he was expecting her to do; she slapped him hard on the face. Then, she did the second to the last thing he expected her to do; she kissed him.

And at that moment, that kiss meant everything to him. Nothing could have been more pure. It was different from all the kisses that they've had. It was a ghost of a kiss that lingered for a second, but left so much to remember. This had nothing to do with lust at all.

It went deeper than that. Way deeper...

Cagalli tousled his hair gently. "So should I thank Lacus for this?"

Athrun shook his head. "Nope."

"What were you talking about?"

"Mint Chocolate ice cream."

 --  --  -- 

Kira saw Lacus wave at him when he approached her and he waved back.

It took him more than the courage he had to keep his legs to walk up to her. She was standing quite stiffly in an oversized sweater, her pink hair over her left shoulder. She looked like she was waiting to be shot.

Pretty much what I'm feeling.

"Hello," he greeted when he finally made it to her side. This was the first time he would be talking to her alone after the volleyball incident. She seemed to be a little nervous now. Pretty much how she was then.

It confused him. Could Cagalli be right? That Lacus could actually be waiting for him? God, waiting for what about him? Could it be true that someone actually cared for him that much?

"Hi." Her voice was steady and calm. Only her hands gave her away; she was wringing her fingers nervously. "Nice night, isn't it?"

Kira nodded, feeling quite embarrassed at the obvious uncomfortable state they were in. "Nice ocean. Nice breeze. Nice night."

She nodded and looked away to the bonfire where Yzak was doing something, Dearka silently staring out into the sea, lost in thought. Kira squinted to see what Yzak was doing. He was writing on a notepad. Quite bewildered at seeing the Duel pilot writing, he tried to focus, and turned to Lacus.

In reality, he did not know why he had wanted to talk to her. He just felt like he had to. Maybe it was because of Cagalli. He did not know for how long he had cried on her shoulder, but it felt good. It felt good to cry shamelessly, for once. The conversation that he's had with her sister would not leave his thoughts. And most especially the fact that she said Lacus cared for him deeply. And now that he felt a little better about things, he felt like he owed himself to try to be fair to the people around him. And so he felt like he needed to talk to Lacus.

Starting the conversation, however, proved to be the problem. He had no idea where to start.

Luckily, she started it. "Can we talk, Kira?"

The Freedom pilot nodded and gestured to the ground. "Want to sit down?"

"All right." And so they settled on the sand and tried to make themselves comfortable.

"So. What do you want to talk about? Because I kind of wanted to talk to you about something as well."

Lacus stared at him nervously, but blinked away her expression, then turned to the sea. "Kira, I've been thinking lately. And to tell you honestly, I don't know how you'll take it..."

Kira frowned. She sounded so serious and depressed. He started to worry. He hoped nothing bad has happened, at least not now, when he's finally sort of decided to define what it was between them. "Is everything all right?"

She giggled. "Everything? I suppose, since nothing's wrong. Are you feeling better from that volleyball?"

Kira awkwardly laughed. "Still stings a bit. But I kind of felt like it was a blessing in disguise." He needed the time to think. Otherwise, he probably would be saying things differently.

His comment made her sad. He did not understand it, but she recovered quickly. "Kira? What are we?"

The question surprised him. It was so sudden, but part of him was happy because it kind of came close to what he wanted to talk about. He shrugged and ran a hand through his hair. "Us? Well, we're ... we... we're friends. Right?"

Again with the disappointed look. She began playing with the sand, her long pink hair hiding her face from view. "Friends, huh?"

Kira started to panic. He did not want to try to get the wrong message across to her. All he said was the truth; that they were just friends... but there was more to be said. "Lacus... I wanted to tell you something... "

She laughed sadly, shaking her head. "No, Kira. You don't have to say anything. I understand perfectly well."

Huh? So I don't have to explain to her my feelings for her? "You do? Because I thought you wouldn't understand... I'm sorry it took me this long to say it. I was afraid, and confused... so... "

Lacus raised her big blue eyes at him and frowned. "Look, Kira. You don't even have to explain. I should have known better than to have expected you'd feel the same way for me... Because we're just friends after all..."

"Huh? Whoa... wait a minute - "

She tried to smile, but a tear fell down her cheek. Just one single tear, and she wiped it away. Why was she crying? "Kira, Athrun told me that I should tell you about what I feel for you, and just not care what you'd say, so that I can put my heart to rest."

This was really making things harder to understand. Kira scratched his head. Why on earth was she sad, if she understood what he felt for her? Could it be that she doesn't like him at all, contrary to what his sister told him? "Athrun told you to tell me what?"

The songstress sighed and slowly got up to her feet. Kira followed her with his eyes. Looking down on him with the saddest expression he's ever seen on her beautiful face, she shook her head. "I love you, Kira."

And the whole world and everyone with it disappeared. Kira was left all alone and confused at what he just heard. So it was true. He didn't want to believe it at first when Cagalli had said it, because he did not know how to deal with the reality of the feeling of having someone genuinely love you back. He knew that he's felt a lot for this girl, but everything just went along unspoken, and he thought that it was enough for him.

Until he found out that it was not enough.

For the insatiable heart, it was never enough...

Right then, he knew that things were changing, and he did not know how he was going to deal with it. Lacus had just told him she loved him, and here he was with nothing to say. He knew he owed her at least a reply.

Standing up on wobbly legs, Kira cleared his throat and whispered, "I love you, Lacus." It felt good to say it. It felt right. He did not know why, but it did... maybe because it was true.

This time it was the songstress' turn to gape. "W-what did you say?"

Kira bit his lips and sighed. "I love you, Lacus."

The reaction was not among those that he was expecting. She laughed and shook her head. "You can't possibly love me, Kira. So don't say things that you don't mean."

Now that was confusing. First, she tells him she loves him, then when he tells her what he feels, she doesn't believe him. "But, Lacus. I'm not just saying this..."

She shook her head again, her hair swishing down her back. "Then why? Why do you say it?"

Kira shrugged. "I don't know. I guess it's because that's what I feel."

She looked at him doubtfully. "What do you know about love, Kira? Isn't it too much of a big word for you right now? There are too many things that you're still hung up with, and I don't even know if I have enough space to squeeze in between your crowded heart."

Kira tried to move towards her. "Lacus, I don't know anything about love. I don't know what its definition is, or whatever. But I do know this. I love you the way I pretty much understand it. Shouldn't that be enough?"

His heart began to sink. He knew it. It was too good to be true, to find someone who would be able to accept him and think that what he could offer would be more than enough... There were just too many things the world demanded.

He sighed in resignation. "Is it true that you really feel the same way?"

Lacus nodded slowly, another tear rolling down her cheek. "I do."

"Then why don't you believe me when I tell you that I love you?"

"Because, Kira..." this time, she just let the tears flow freely. "Because I'm afraid that it's not true... " She wrapped her arms around her protectively and shivered.

Kira slowly placed his hands on her shoulders and peered into her very sad eyes. "Don't you trust me?"

The songstress looked away. "I want to... But... Kira, what did Cagalli say to you? She said something that made you talk to me, didn't she?"

Now that was an insult. He did not want to appear like he was saying this because someone else told him to. Things were deeper than that. He just didn't know how to explain it right. "Cagalli told me a lot of things, Lacus. And I'm not going to lie to you by saying that I'm completely over my issues. Because I'm not. One way or another, my guilt will continue to haunt me, and to tell you honestly, I wouldn't know if it would be better if I just stayed away from you. But you... you're one of the reasons why I am alive right now. You're one of them that help me forget about the fact that there's more to life than lingering on the past. Cagalli was right. I should stop dwelling on the things I can't change and start thinking of the things that I can. And so I'm starting, Lacus. I'm taking that small step towards you." He smiled uncertainly. "Because I could never stay away from you. Even if I tried. So please believe me that what I feel is true."

He did not know how much it mattered to him until he finally saw her smile. It was the most beautiful smile in the world. Nothing could compare to it. Nothing at all.

He tilted her chin up and beamed at her. "I don't have anything to offer you, Lacus. I can't promise you that you'll be happy with me all the time, and that everything will be all right from now on. Because I don't know if I can keep such a promise. There are times when I'll be hard to get along with, and I'm already apologizing for it. There will be times when I'll be moody, when I end up remembering things that I shouldn't, so I'm apologizing for that too. There really isn't much to my words, but they're words I will try to live up to. That's the only thing I can offer you. Is it enough?"

Oh, God. Let it be enough...

Lacus tilted her head to the right and blinked. "Well, now that you've started it, I guess I might as well follow. I really have nothing much to offer as well, Kira. Just me. I'd like to warn you that I am very hyper in the morning, contrary to how other people are. Cagalli complains that I snore when I sleep, and I get random cravings for ice cream that have to be satisfied quickly or else I get moody. So I am apologizing in advance for that. Oh, and I also - hey! Why are you laughing?"

Kira was laughing. This was the weirdest conversation he's ever had in his life. "I'm sorry, Lacus. It's just that... Oh, nothing." He dropped his hands to his sides and then shrugged. "Well... Now what?"

Lacus frowned. "Now what?"

"I don't know." Kira scratched his head. This was the first time he's ever been in an exclusive relationship, so he really did not know what to do.

Lacus was equally clueless. "Neither do I."

"But you've been engaged before."

"That doesn't count. It was arranged. I never underwent the courting stage at all."

It was the oddest of all feelings, having to think of what they had to do next. Nothing really changed, except that he felt all warm and fuzzy inside. But after a while, he decided that it didn't matter. They did not have to figure it out tonight. They had forever to think about it and figure each other out. "Uhm, so. Do you want to look for some shells by the water?"

Lacus smiled gratefully. "That would be wonderful."

Kira turned around and started to walk towards the seaside, Lacus following him a few steps away. Just then, he felt her cool touch on his hand, loosely twining her fingers to his.

He grinned to himself. Maybe it was about time he started making memories. This time, happy ones.

This is definitely a good start.