November came in like an old friend. Gusty winds, even more rain, leaves sticking to everything. Meredith embraced it with a smile. Everything was back to her old routine. Wake up in the morning, have some quiet time with Ellie as she breastfed her in bed, just the two of them with Meredith talking to her. Then she woke up Zola and Bailey, getting them dressed and ready for school and daycare, bringing them downstairs for breakfast, which may or may not be already in the works by Maggie or Amelia.
Today it was Amelia, making waffles, and Meredith smiled gratefully at her as Zola climbed onto a chair and Bailey climbed into his booster seat.
"Mommy can I have strawberries on my waffle?" Zola asked, and Meredith had to laugh. She was somewhat of a health nut like Derek had been. "Of course you can, Zo, you can have whatever you want on your waffles," she said as she placed Ellis in the swing, which seemed to be magical since whenever you put her in it she instantly stopped crying. Meredith went into mommy mode and started cutting up waffles for the kids, before taking one for herself and digging in, loving that both her sisters had culinary skills she did not, especially since it was nearing Thanksgiving.
"So, Amelia, what should we do for Thanksgiving? I almost want to have it here, we've never done anything in this house, I mean we have this huge house with so much space, we can invite everyone from the hospital, I can pretend to cook, we can pretend to be thankful for things…." She shrugged, her eyes looking hopeful.
Amelia whirled around as she went to put the milk back in the fridge, her black hair flying. "I actually think that's a great idea, Mere, Maggie and I can cook and people can bring side dishes and it'll be fun," she said with a smile. Hey, what could it hurt? It would be nice to have people around that weren't the three sisters or the three kids.
"Great! I'll spread it around at the hospital, invite people, be super organized and post a list of what people are bringing….oh god mommy Meredith is showing," she said with a laugh, which was becoming less rare these days and more and more common. She was healing, which was a great thing. "Anyway, yeah, we'll pull in the strays and have a nice Thanksgiving," she smiled, kissing Zola's head as the little girl finished her waffle and went off to grab her shoes. Meredith helped Bailey into his shoes and coat, handing him his backpack, making sure Zola was in her coat and had her backpack as well. "Okay guys, who's coming with me to school and the hospital?" she asked. Since returning to Seattle she'd traded her old car in for a flashy BMW with three rows of seats. That meant Amelia or Maggie had to flank Ellis's carseat, but they didn't complain, with Zola and Bailey in the back row. Both sisters grabbed coffee and their coats, dashing outside to battle it out for the front seat.
Amelia won today.
Thanksgiving finally came, and the house was spotless. Meredith had set the table with her wedding china, silver, and wineglasses, making good use out of them finally. The table looked great and the turkey had been in the over for hours already by 11 am, done by Maggie of course. Pies were in there as well and the entire house smelled heavenly. Nutmeg, pumpkin, cinnamon, and the turkey in the oven all combined and Meredith was starving. Dinner wasn't until 3. Zola was in a pretty little dress with Bailey in a cute button down and khakis, with her heartbreaker of an infant in an adorable confection of tulle, doing what she did best, sleep in her swing.
Mere lounged around most of the morning with mimosas and various parades on the TV, having been chased out of the kitchen several times. Her cooking skills were useless if people we're actually going to eat the food, at least today. She could scrape by with food for her and the kids, but pizza and grilled cheese were still her go-tos. Good thing kids liked pizza and grilled cheese. When it came close to people coming over, she trudged up to her room to find something to wear. Sifting through her closet she found an old red dress of hers and she shimmied into it, strapping on her trusty Jimmy Choos that Derek had bought her for a date night years ago, back when she was an intern. Her short hair fell to her shoulders in soft waves and she curled up her nose. She didn't feel thankful for much this year, besides her children and her friends, but she supposed that was enough. Finishing up her makeup with a bit of mascara, she traipsed back downstairs, where the first guests were arriving.
The first guest was Owen, who slunk off somewhere with Amelia, probably her bedroom, but he'd brought a nice bottle of wine and something to eat, so Maggie and Meredith didn't mind all that much. Meredith had begged her sister to let her make something, and she was given the task of making an apple pie. Despite already being dressed, Meredith literally put her blood, sweat, and tears into this pie. When it was finished, the sprinkled the apples inside with cinnamon, before putting the top crust on and cutting an 'M' for Meredith into the top. She was proud of her work and popped it into the oven just as the doorbell rang again. She rushed to the door, finding Jo and Alex and she smiled, hugging them both and ushering them in. Wash, rinse, repeat, and within an hour or two everyone was there that needed to be and in no time at all, they were sitting down to dinner. Maggie insisted that everyone go around the table and share what they were thankful for this year, and Meredith found it hard not to punch her younger sister in the face. She didn't want to sit here and blab nonsense when she didn't feel thankful for much. Her husband died this year. Her children's father was gone. Ellis was never going to meet him. She sighed, halfheartedly listening and looking down at her hands as she nervously played with her rings. Callie leaned over, tugging on her sleeve. "Grey, we don't expect you to throw up your hands in some grand gesture of thankfulness," she whispered, as Meredith took a long drink of her wine. She hung her head a bit longer, as Zola answered brightly that she was thankful for her aunt Maggie always making her waffles, and she had to laugh at that. She was up next, though.
She took a few deep breaths, trying not to cry. "I'm thankful for my three beautiful child, and each and every one of you sitting at this table," she said tearfully, before hiding behind her large glass of wine again. Everyone gave her a moment of silence before moving onto the next person, and Meredith excused herself from the table to sit on the bathroom floor and cry. She figured that they'd only realize something was up when she didn't come back after a few minutes.
She found herself hiding in Derek's closet; behind his pants. It was a new hiding place for her and it would take them a bit to find her but she was comforted by the fact that it smelled just like him. Today she was thankful that his closet still smelled like him. Today she was thankful for not having a full meltdown in front of her children. Today she was thankful she was alive, though sometimes she selfishly wished she was dead in his place. Or they had gone together. These thoughts plagued her at night, they kept her awake. They made her feel like she was going of the deep end almost all the time. Which, you know, she probably was.
She was hiding for maybe 20 minutes when she heard the door open and someone came in. That someone sat right down next to her and Meredith was startled, curling up into even more of a ball. It was Amelia. Of course it was Amelia. She started talking almost right away. "I don't know how I can sit there downstairs with everyone happy and thankful when I feel thankful for absolutely nothing other than Owen and you and the kids. Everyone is thankful for their families and all this great stuff and the one person I am thankful for is six feet under," she said, expressing exactly how Meredith was feeling. Meredith reached out and slipped an arm around her shoulder, pulling her close. This was not a holiday for someone who had lost someone close to them. "If I'd had my way it would be you and me sitting around with a pizza right now," she confessed, shaking her head a bit. She felt cold while the house was arm and she took a few breaths of air, of the air permeated by Derek's scent. Drowning in Elliott Bay didn't hurt as bad as this did.
The two women sat in the closet for at least an hour, listening to the chatter downstairs. They were all so happy and peppy and Meredith was so…dark and twisty, for lack of better wording. And then she realized Bailey, Ellie, and Zola were down there and she dropped her arms from Amelia. "Amy, come on. We can't hide in Derek's closet every time we want to run and cry," she insisted, climbing out and standing up, despite the fact that she wanted to wrap herself in one of his shirts, climb into bed, and forget that the world existed. She held out a hand to Amy who stood up next to her and the two women hugged tightly, before heading back downstairs. Meredith apologized to everyone, saying she needed a bit of time away, before heading over to the swing, where Ellie perpetually seemed to be. She swept up the tiny baby in her arms, looking down on her sweet face. She was the happiest baby alive and her existence made Meredith delirious with joy. Maybe she was thankful for a few more thinks, now that she set her mind to it. Right now, she was thankful for her tiny daughter, and the smiles that had just started appearing on her face in the past few weeks. She was thankful for Zola and Bailey, who had kept her company when no one else would.
She was most thankful for the years she had been able to have with Derek. There would be no one else, of course, but she had the memories of laughter and joy with Derek that would be there forever.
Thank you so much for all the reviews! They make me so happy, even though they're being a pain and aren't posting on time! I keep re-reading them over and over and I'm so thrilled! This isn't my first fanfic, but my first in about ten years; I also roleplay and love to write so I feel like I could write forever! Most of these chapters seem short but they reach 5 pages in word :) I decided to extend this story one more chapter, adding in another January chapter since that would technically be a full year. So you guys get two more chapters after this!
To Patsy: I've already started my next story! it's MerDer, he lives from the accident, and it shows them moving forward with baby Ellis :) I might give it a sequel or include another baby in the story; I only have two chapters completed so far. I'm not going to post it until I post the last chapter of this story, but I love your amazing and enthusiastic reviews!