I HAVEN'T UPDATED SINCE FEBRUARY I FEEL SO BLOODY BAD
MY LAPTOP BROKE
It's okay, though, as from now on I will be updating wayyyyy more often!
I'm so sorry!
Link: You should be.
Zelda: I hate you.
DISCALIMER TLOZ DOESN'T BELONG TO ME OR ZELDA AND LINK WOULD PROBABLY BE MARRIED
Link: What
Zelda: THAT'D BE AMAZI-I mean what
"We're finally here!" Link exclaimed.
"WE WERE HERE 20 MINUTES AGO. OH WAIT, I MEAN 8 MONTHS AGO!" Shouted Zelda. "STUPID AUTHOR!"
Sorry
"Well, now that we're here, we might as well find Carbon!" Said Ciela, flying off.
"She's right you know." Agreed Link, "You coming?"
"Obviously I'm coming." Zelda rolled her eyes.
They walked/flew/floated across the island.
"Oh, look over there, Link! Look at that floating white-haired fellow! Could he be the Lokomo Carben?" Zelda noticed. "Carben! CARBEEEEEEEEEN! He's in some sort of daze and doesn't seem to hear us…Why is he floating anyway? What a weirdo."
"Maybe the 'wise one' SLASH CHEAP COPY OF ASTRID will know what to do!" Said Ciela.
"Oh yeah, the one that didn't know my gender!" Said Link.
They walked across the island, again, and ended up outside the house of le wise one. Who wasn't actually that wise at all. She actually just looked like an ape.
"Something is troubling you. You don't have to say anything. I already know." Said the old ape lady
"Stalker." Said Link.
"Do you want me to tell your fortune?"
"Well, I don't really have a choice. So yeah."
"I'm going to ask you some questions, so answer them with a strong, clear voice."
"You did this last time!"
"Are you a boy or a girl?"
"YOU ASKED LAST TIME! I AM A MALE!"
"Of course, I already knew that…"
"YES YOU DO I TOLD YOU LAST TIME!"
"What's your eye colour?"
"I'M STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU! BLUE!"
"Of course…. Just like my mother…"
"I thought it was your father."
"And finally, what is your star sign?"
"I don't know"
"Ah yes, the sign of an elegant artist."
"What?"
"Now listen… to the message of the stars!"
Suddenly she started doing a really weird dance! It looked like she was doing a weird ritual!
"Below where sky dwellers gather, near the lonely tree… There is a hidden sound stone that will call him. What you need for today is courage!"
"That was weird." Said Zelda, and they walked out.
"So what do I do? Do I dig here?"
No, that's phantom hourglass.
"Oh yeah." Link got out the pan flute and played the song of healing! But it was the wrong song! So he played the song of awakening! But it was the wrong song! So he played the song of light! But it was the wrong so-
"GIVE ME THE BLOODY FLUTE!" Shouted Zelda. And played the song of discovery, before giving it back to Link
"Woah, I get to learn a new song now!" Said Link.
The song went like this: PURPLE YELLOW PURPLE!
Link played PURPLE YELLOW PURPLE. Suddenly he started doing a jig and some background music came!
"SWAG!" Shouted Ciela
"Nobody says swag anymore Ciela." Said Zelda
"Soz"
Suddenly, Carbon landed!
"the nerve! There I was, high in the sky, unwinding…Then you play the song of cookies and I come crashing down! Don't you know that song has the power to call cookies to you?"
Then Link randomly held up the flute! YOU GOT THE SONG OF BIRDS! PLAY IT TO CALL A BIRD OVER. CHECK IT OUT ON YOUR COLLECTION SCREEN!
"What's that? You say that you went to the Cookie Sanctuary?"
"It's true, and we saw the note you were here. Did you not hear me? I was yelling your name!" Zelda said
"Don't be so upset. I wasn't just lollygagging, you know. I was talking to the cookies about different places they've seen."
"Pretty certain they're birds." Said Link.
"Shut up, Link." Said Carben.
"Oh, I didn't know you were friends with birds, carben!" Exclaimed Zelda.
"They're floating cookies." Claimed Carben.
"Uh… aaaaaaanyway, we need your help!"
"Ugh. Let me guess, you want to restore the spirit tracks. I was hoping to rest here a little longer, but fine. Take me to the Cookie Sanctuary on your Steam Cookie. I'll be waiting for you in the Cookie." And Carben left!
"HOW RUDE!" Sai d Zelda, angrily, "What an ungrateful man! I don't like him one bit!"
Link and Ciela agreed, and they walked to the train.
They set off for the sanctuary, when suddenly… PIRATES!
"HEY, THAT'S JOLENE'S THEME!" Shouted Ciela.
"Oh no, Pirates! Dastardly, kidnapping pirates! Protect me!" Exclaimed Carben.
Pirates started smashing all the windows and breaking in! Link killed them all, when a massive, ugly beast jumped on!
"GET OFF MY TRAIN!" Shouted Link, slashing at him with his sword. With the expense of a heart, he managed to kill the really ugly pirate king.
"Thank you! You really saved my hide there, Link! Well, now that bit of unpleasantness is over, let's get to the sanctuary!" Said Carben.
Link agreed and they set off again.
"Oh, so you do know how to drive!" Said Carben as they stopped.
"Bit rude." Said Link
"Ah, we finally made it. It was just a short distance, but it felt so far. I suppose mortal peril has that effect on a person. Those Blin Pirates are getting more aggressive by the day…"
Suddenly, a cheap copy of a force gem appeared in the sky!
"Now look what we have here… Oh, You haven't seen one of these before? Let me explain. You see, what a person does great service to another, the receiver's spirit overflows with gratitude. When this gratitude reaches beyond mere words, it is released and crystallises. This forms what we call a Force Gem. The whole continent and it's spirit tracks… All of it is formed from the gratitude of the spirits If it is deep enough, anyone's gratitude can form a Force Gem. Even an old man's. I don't express is well, but the bottom line is that I appreciate your help… Here, please take this. It belongs to you." Explained Carbon.
"What? That's not what Force gems were in Phantom Hourglass… what is this life!" Shouted Ciela, having a break down.
Suddenly, some music that sounded like DUH NUH NUH NUH… NUHHHHHHHHH! Came, and Link held up the force gem! Suddenly, the forest glyph started glowing! New Tracks have appeared!
Then Carben said some more stuff the author cannot be bothered to type. Then he left to the sanctuary. Link followed, dodging all the crab poo.
"Thanks again for earlier, Link. Let me reintroduce myself. I am Carben, guardian of the Cookie Land. You're here to restore our spirit tracks, aren't you?" –Some other word for said that the author can't think of-ed Carben.
"Yes, I am." Replied Link.
"But of course. You've come all this way, so I'll do everything I can to help. Very well then… in order to restore the tracks, I need your help. You know about the song, right? I'll teach you."
The song went BLUE ORANGE PURPLE!
"That's it! Let's do the real thing!"
BUT LINK WAS RUBBISH!
"Um, you're just going all over the place. What's going on? AT least TRY to follow my lead, won't you?" Complained Carben.
THEN LINK DID IT!
Zelda came out and did a weird dance!
Then Carben had a massive go at Link for wondering if the train could travel underwater!
Carben was really forgetful, and used a good word, DANGANABBIT, as he forgot how to get to the temple! He gave Link a letter he had written to himself!
Then they left the sanctuary.
"OFF TO THE TEMPLE WE GO!" Shouted Zelda, really loudly.
So yeah that was weird