Chapter 14: Alderaan

On board the Imperial Star Destroyer Apacaphion, the last few weeks of picket duty had been relatively quiet. Captain Waed sat at his desk catching up on paperwork. The full-blown blockade of Alderaan he had feared had not come to pass. Instead, their duty had been to challenge ships entering the Alderaan system and demand copies of their passenger and freight manifests. A ship's manifest would be run through multiple authentication tests and compared to its official filing. If everything checked out, the ship was free to go. Only an occasional ship was actually searched to see if their declared contents matched reality, and most of those searches were based on tips received from Naval Command.

If things got really busy for Apacaphion and her sister ships, they only had time to run a cursory check before waving a ship on. That had not gone unnoticed by the locals. Ships, Waed reflected, used to arrive in a steady, manageable stream. Now there were long periods of quiet, followed by ships arriving in large convoys, justified by the pirate cover story Waed himself had told, all screaming for priority treatment. Cagy bastards, he thought to himself.

The next convoy headache wasn't expected for a few more hours, so Captain Waed was a bit surprised when the Condition Two alert began to sound, followed immediately by his intercom buzzing.

"Waed here," the captain called to his intercom as he stood up and put on his uniform jacket.

"Captain!" said First Officer Galicia. "We have an alert from Minyada. A massive ship of unknown origin has just entered the system. Sir? It's the bug ship!"

A chill ran down Waed's spine. "What's our status?"

"We are currently on the far side of Alderaan. Both Minyada and Dotrina are moving to engage."

"Set Condition One and advise Minyada and Dotrina to do the same. Until we know what we're dealing with, that ship is to be treated as a hostile war craft. Take us out of orbit and around Alderaan as quickly as possible. I'm on my way."

Stanley, Kai and 790 were on the bridge of the Lexx, watching the monitor as two wedge-shaped ships rapidly closed in on their position.

"Who's the welcoming committee?" Stanley asked. He didn't like the way they looked.

"Those are Imperial II class Star Destroyers, the backbone of the Imperial fleet," responded 790 as he tapped into the local network. "And they're bristling with weapons. Heavy hitters by local standards, but nothing the Lexx can't handle. Even combined, they have far less firepower than the Megashadow did."

"Well, okay then," Stanley said with a grin as he relaxed.

"Don't get cocky, security guard," retorted 790. "Each destroyer carries an array of fighters and troop transport ships. If they manage to land troops inside the Lexx, we're screwed."

"Stan?" said the Lexx. "I am receiving a transmission. Do you want me to put it on?"

"Sure Lexx. Let's hear what they have to say."

"…warning. Repeat. This is ISD Minyada to unknown vessel. You are ordered to a full stop. Power down all engines and offence/defense systems, and prepare to be boarded for inspection. Any deviation from these instructions will be met with deadly force. This is your final warning."

"Open a channel Lexx," said Stanley as he stepped up onto the pilot's stand.

"As you command, Stan," replied the Lexx.

"To the ISD Minyada," said Stanley with a deliberately idle, condescending tone. "This is Stanley H. Tweedle, Captain of the Lexx. We're just here on a friendly visit. You know, to see what kind of girl action this planet has? But… we are not in the mood to put up with petty bureaucrats shouting orders to prove their own self-importance. Why don't you run along and go bother someone else?"

On board the Minyada, the captain was flabbergasted at the response. The nerve of them! "Is that ship shielded?" he demanded to know.

"If it is shielded sir, it's not shielded in any conventional sense. I'm afraid we can't really tell how vulnerable it may be. Most of our scans are being reflected away… and sir? They are showing no sign of slowing down."

"Fire a warning shot across their bow, main turbolasers. Let's see if that takes them down a notch."

"Firing sir." Multiple bright flashes just missed the Lexx.

The response that came next what not at all what the captain had hoped for.

"Hey buddy," said that annoying voice over the channel. "Did I mention the Lexx is the most powerful weapon of destruction in the two universes? Just sayin'…."

"Captain, the Dotrina reports they are ready to engage the unknown ship, and Apacaphion will join us as soon as they clear Alderaan."

The captain had a predatory grin on his face. "Then let's teach them a lesson in humility. All batteries, open fire! Fire at will."

"Ouch! That stings," said the Lexx as both star destroyers began sending out a torrent of green flashes from dozens of turbolasers across each ship.

"Lexx? Line up and target both ships," said Stanley. As they watched the monitor the scene changed as the Lexx rotated so that both destroyers appeared to be at level, with the blackness of space behind them. On the monitor, a targeting line intersected both ships.

"I am ready," said the Lexx.

Stanley thought he heard a slight hint of eagerness in Lexx's normally monotone voice. Well, he wasn't about to disappoint. "Fire!"

"As you command, Stan."

On board Apacaphion, Captain Waed stood anxiously on the bridge. "Sir? We have cleared Alderaan," called a lieutenant.

"About time," Waed muttered, relieved. Out loud he said, "Open fire with everything we've got as soon as we're in range. Don't wait for my order."

"Yes sir!" replied Galicia.

"Sirs!" called out the senior sensor operator. "We're detecting a massive energy spike from the bug ship! I've never seen anything like it!"

As one, both Waed and Galicia turned to look out the bridge window. A heads-up tactical display was off to one side, projected onto the window for easy reference. Tiny swirls of lights seemed to pour from the compound "eyes" of the bug ship, which flowed down to the front and shot out in an expanding band of light. The band of light caught both Minyada and Dotrina in a blinding flash. Waed blinked a few times to clear his eyes. Only the bug ship was still visible, and a quick glance at the tactical display confirmed his worst fears.

"Belay that last order! Turn about and jump to hyperspace!"

"Course sir?" asked a slightly confused lieutenant.

"Just do it Lieutenant! Jump to hyperspace now!" A few seconds later the stars seemed to turn into streaks as Apacaphion began its mad dash away from Alderaan. "Any sign of pursuit?" Waed demanded.

"No sir, the scope is clean."

"Let's not take any chances. Begin evasive maneuvers and keep your eyes peeled, people! Our survival may depend on it!" Waed began to pace along the bridge window. "Two ships and over seventy thousand personnel! Lost, just like that!" he said, snapping his fingers. He turned to Galicia. "Did I see that correctly? Did the bug ship really fire just a single shot?"

"We can examine the data in more detail," replied Galicia, "but yes sir, that seems to be the case. We never stood a chance against that thing, never mind that patrol ship a few weeks back. What we need is a bigger flyswatter."

Waed mulled that over. "Yes, we do, don't we? Continue evasive maneuvers for another ten minutes. If there is still no sign of pursuit, set a direct course for Naval Command, best speed. This is going to cause one hell of an uproar, and I don't want to trust our report to a transmission."

Waed turned to address the bridge pit crew. "Listen up people! This incident is to be treated like an accident investigation, and we are going to do it by the book. I want all non-essential personal to back away from their stations right now. Leave your settings and displays as-is. Mr. Galicia and I will be coming around personally to lock and tag each station for later analysis. I want each of you to use your remaining shift to record your own, personal impressions of what you witnessed. That is all."

The level of conversation rose as about two-thirds of the pit crew stood up and began to file their way off the bridge. "Isn't that a bit of overkill?" asked Galicia, raising an eyebrow.

Waed sighed. "Probably, but no one at HQ is going to believe us until a forensics team pulls the sensor logs directly. This way we're keeping everything as above board as possible. There was nothing we could have done to change the outcome, and I don't want anyone accusing us of cowardice."

"Someone probably will anyway, you know."

Captain Waed grinned. "Now you're getting into politics. Leave that to me."

Stanley jumped and whooped for joy as the two wedge-shaped ships blew up. "All right Lexx! Way to go! A twofer! That was fun!"

"Yes, Stanley," replied the Lexx. "I enjoyed that very much, but I like to blow up planets even more." The Lexx turned and now had Alderaan in its sights.

"Yeah, right there with you buddy, but there's someone on this particular planet we need to meet. No planets today, I'm afraid." Stanley could practically feel the Lexx's disappointment as it shut down its targeting system.

"Stan? Someone else wants to talk to us now," said the Lexx.

"Well put them on, Lexx," Stanley said with a grand gesture.

"…to unknown vessel. Do you read? Alderaan Control to unknown vessel. Do you read?"

"Alderaan Control, this is Stanley H. Tweedle, Captain of the Lexx," Stanley said expansively. "How can I help you?"

"Actually sir, I was going to ask you the same. Do you intend to establish orbit? If so, there are some specific procedures to be followed..." There was some muffled conversation in the background. "One moment please…." A different voice came on the channel. "Hello friends!" the new voice said nervously. "I'm Victor Klein, Alderaan Control Shift Supervisor. We don't need to bother with those silly regulations! Not for the Heroes of Alderaan. Feel free to orbit anywhere! We'll be sure to route all traffic around you."

"The Heroes of Alderaan?" said Stanley with a silly grin. "Yeah… I like the sound of that. Say, Victor, you sound like a man of the world. Someone who has experience with the ladies, if you get my drift."

"I ah… well sure, whatever you say," replied Victor. "Why do you ask?"

"Well you see Victor, it's like this," replied Stanley. "I'm a man, and I have needs… needs that haven't been met in a long time. I was just wondering what the girls are like on Alderaan. Are they… friendly?"

"Sir?" said someone in the background. "Is this really an appropriate use of an official channel?"

"Will you shut up! I'm handling this!" Victor could be heard saying as he unsuccessfully muffled the microphone. "Sorry about the interruption," Victor said. "As a Hero of Alderaan, I think it's safe to say you will have a very… friendly… reception."

"Hot damn!" proclaimed Stanley as he clapped his hands together. "A civilized planet at last!"

"Is there anything else we can do for you?' Victor asked.

"There is," replied Kai as he stepped towards the monitor. "I have a private message for Bail Organa that must be delivered without delay."

"The Viceroy?" Victor said, sounding dismayed. "That's above my pay grade, but I'm sure we can arrange a secured communication channel for you. I'm not sure how long–"

"No," interrupted Kai. "The message must be delivered in person."

"And without delay," Stanley added sternly.

"I'll pass that along to the Royal Palace in Aldera. I can get you priority clearance to land a shuttle at the commercial landing pad nearest the Palace."

"Ah, well that's a problem," replied Stanley. "See, we lost all of our moths… well, shuttles as you say, in a recent battle. We have new ones under 'construction,' but it's gonna be a couple more days before the first one is ready, and this message is really, really important. Maybe this Gail Orgasma guy could meet with us here on the Lexx?"

"Bail Organa," Kai corrected with a sideways look at Stanley.

"Whatever," Stanley replied with a dismissive wave of his hand. "How about it, Victor?"

Bail Organa and a few senior members of the Rebel Alliance were gathered around a conference table at the Royal Palace, listening to Stanley's conversation with Victor Klein. Several monitors were displaying multiple camera angles of the Lexx, and what little technical information could be surmised from scans. "How about it, Victor?" Stanley could be heard saying.

"It's a trap!" yelled Commander Ackbar. His wall-eyed fish-like countenance caused him appear more panicked than he actually felt. "You should stay well away."

"Why not send a shuttle to this Lexx," suggested Mon Mothma, "and invite their representative down to the palace? That way you stay here, secure."

Bail Organa sighed. "I've been 'secure' in the palace for weeks, along with the rest of you ever since those Star Destroyers showed up with that flimsy 'pirate patrol' excuse. I don't know about the rest of you, but I see this as an opportunity." He looked around the table at the others. "This is the chance we've been waiting for, for you to slip away without being tracked or stopped by the Empire. Let's not waste this opportunity with endless debate."

The rebel leaders began to stir. Bail held up his hand to forestall further argument. "We're not going to win back the Republic by playing it safe. If going in person means we can establish an alliance with people who have a very powerful ship sooner rather than later, that's a chance I'm willing to take. Besides, I'll have a security team with me."

Mon Mothma wrinkled her nose in distaste. "And what about this Stanley 'I have needs' Tweedle? What do we do with him?"

Bail Organa smiled broadly. "Don't we all have needs, Mon Mothma? However crudely put, this Stanley Tweedle is simply being forthright, which means he's probably not good at keeping secrets. All we have to do is keep him entertained, and we'll soon learn everything he knows."

"Then we shouldn't tell him any of our secrets," replied Mon Mothma coolly. "In case he's ever captured."

Bail nodded to Mon Mothma. "Agreed." He clapped his hands together. "Now then, I will proceed immediately to this Lexx ship. Security teams have been dispatched to sweep the system for Imperial spy-bots. Once they give the all-clear, the rest of you can get off planet and back into the thick of it. May the Force be with you."

There was a scraping of chairs as everyone stood up. As most of the rebel leaders filed out of the conference room, Mon Mothma walked over to Bail Organa and laid her hand on his arm. "I hope you're doing the right thing, Bail," she said quietly.

Bail Organa gave her a slight smile. "So do I, Mon. So do I."

Stanley Tweedle stood nervously beside Kai on the Lexx's main landing platform. "I hope we're doing the right thing inviting this guy up here. How was I to know he's, like, the King and President of this planet all rolled into one?"

"I do not believe those are his titles," replied Kai. "And inviting him here seemed the most expedient thing to do."

A small shuttle approached the landing platform. "Yeah, well, things didn't go so well with our last visitors," Stanley grumbled.

"Our last visitors were not invited," Kai pointed out as the shuttle landed. As the whine of turbines dropped in pitch, a side door opened up and two heavily armed men stepped out, wearing helmets and white armor disturbingly similar to the armor worn by the clones. After looking around for a bit, one of the men tapped his helmet, and two more identically dressed, armed men stepped out.

Stanley leaned sideways towards Kai while continuing to face the scene in front of them. "This is not looking good," Stanley whispered out the side of his mouth. The four men lined up, two on either side of the shuttle door, and a fifth man stepped out whose white helmet and armor were marked with blue highlights. This man walked directly up to them, pulling off his helmet as he came. He was perhaps in his late twenties with dark hair and dark eyes, an easy smile and flashing white teeth.

"Greetings!" he called. "I am Major B. J. Organa of the Alderaan Guard." He grinned and waved to the shuttle. "May I present my uncle, Prince Bail Prestor Organa, Viceroy and First Chairman of Alderaan."

An older man in his mid-sixties with greying hair and a neatly trimmed goatee stepped out of the shuttle and held himself up straight. His flowing blue robe stirred slightly as he moved forward to make his own introduction. Bail Organa quietly greeted Stanley with a firm handshake that left Stanley wincing slightly.

Kai solemnly shook hands with Bail Organa and said, "I have a message for you."

"So I've heard," replied Bail Organa with a smile. "And what is the message?"

"We have just come from Dagobah," replied Kai in a low voice. "A mutual friend is not doing well. One of our crew members, a woman named Xev, is attending to him. She's doing her best, but she does not have any medical training. We believe he may be in need of a doctor's attention."

Bail Organa's smile was gone in an instant. "I see," he said as he considered what he was told. "And how do I know you have actually met my friend? These are perilous times, and I must be certain."

Kai leaned forward, whispered in Bail Organa's ear and stepped back. Bail nodded his understanding. "Thank you," he whispered back. He turned to his nephew and said, "Call the palace and tell them to prepare my personal cruiser. I must leave immediately and will be gone for the next few days."

"May I ask where you will be, Uncle Bail?" asked a startled Major Organa as he pulled out his comlink.

"You may not! Oh, and have a medical droid and as many emergency rations as can fit put on board as well," replied Bail Organa. He turned back to Kai and Stanley. "I'm sorry to be leaving as soon as we've met, but what you told me has me concerned."

"Now hold on Prince," Stanley protested. "We can take you there in the Lexx. We could leave right now if you like!"

"Thank you for the offer," replied Bail Organa, "but the fact is you stirred up a hornet's nest when you took out those Imperial destroyers. Your ship doubtless has the attention of every spy-bot hidden in our system. It would be better not to immediately return to… our friend's location. Small cruisers, on the other hand, come and go from Alderaan all the time. One more won't be noticed. I'd rather you stay here for the next few days, at least until I return. Your presence will also help keep Imperial forces at bay, at least in the short term, as well as focus their attention here, away from other activities." Bail smiled. "Besides, I have directed hospitality arrangements to be made for you down in Aldera."

"I have no need for hospitality," Kai stated flatly. He looked at Stanley. "I will remain here to monitor the moth breeding. Once the moths are ready, I will join you on the planet, Stanley, if you wish."

"Suit yourself, Kai," said Stanley with a slight smile. He pointed to himself with both thumbs. "Stanley Tweedle, on the other hand, is ready for the benefits of civilization. Ooooh yeah."

At that moment a second, smaller shuttle approached the landing platform and smoothly landed beside the first. "That's my ride," said Bail Organa. "Stanley, you're free to go down to Alderaan in the royal shuttle. Everyone will assume I am returning with you. My nephew will be happy to show you around," he said with a wave of his hand. Major Organa did not look happy about his new assignment.

Bail Organa boarded the small shuttle. As it took off, Stanley looked at Kai with a big grin and laughingly said in a low voice, "I wonder if you should have mentioned Xev is completely butt naked. Got nothing on but her hot looks." He flicked his eyebrows up and down.

"How is that relevant?" replied Kai.

Stanley sighed. "Clearly you've been dead far too long."