14- Fall Out
Maya's POV
I can't believe that just happened. Kai had to come get me away from Simon. Why can't I just be normal like everyone else. I shouldn't have to get pulled away from other people because I'm about to kill them.
A normal human can interact without a burning throat. A normal human isn't worried that they will inadvertently hurt someone. A normal human is simply normal. I am not that.
Things just a keep happening. It's been so long since I haven't had anything to worry about. But, I'm always worried. I have reason to be.
When I sit back down in the classroom, Simon looks at me. I don't look back. I don't know what I'm feeling. The thirst is there, but I also know that I had been very close to breaking. I need to stay in control. I don't need to give in. The monster in me does not deserve to be satisfied.
At the end of class, I was getting my things together, I wanted to get away from his as quickly as I can. Notto quick, of course. But, because of my awful luck, I'm stopped by him.
"What happened?" He asked.
"What do you mean?" I ask. He detects my anger, but doesn't question it.
"Why did Kai need you?" He asked. Can he just for once not care about the weird things I do?
"It doesn't matter." I stand up after that. "You don'tneed to know, so I don'tneed to tell you." I say coldly. I start to walk away. He follows.
"Okay." He starts to walk next to me. He wants to keep talking to me. Well, hate to break it to you, but I really need to get as far away from you as I can.
When I don't respond to his statement, he seems uncomfortable. I'm walking in front of him, but he's still following. It's a few moments before I finally say something. I stop and I turn to him. "Look, I'm in a very bad mood, so can you please stop following me? I just need to calm down and you aren't helping." I say rudely.
He takes a few seconds to take in my comment, but he eventually speaks. "I'm sorry." He starts, I can tell he's not done. His mouth is still open like he's waiting for the words to come out. "Is it something I did? Is there something I can do?" I almost laugh.
"No, there's nothing you can do.You didn't do anything wrong. That's the point! It's not your fault. You didn't do anything, but I still-" What am I doing? I'm giving myself away. But I cut myself off before saying anything else.
"What does that mean?" He asked after a second.
I hesitate before answering. "Forget that I said anything, just... can we leave it as, "you didn't do anything wrong"? Please?" I plead.
When he doesn't say anything, I walk away. I hope that he has got the message that he should stay away from me. I've definitely given him reason to.
Maddy and Kai are already at the table when I arrived. Thanks to Mr. Considerate. "Is everything okay?" Maddy asked me when I sat down.
"Everything's fine." I say sharply. "Nothing happened. Something wasgoing to happen, but it didn't." I say. I don't want to talk about it. I'm too ashamed and too angry. Luckily, Maddy doesn't push it like she usually would. I'm grateful for that.
I was staring into space while Maddy and Kai were discussing something. I genuinely have no idea what it was. I find myself looking over at Simon a couple of times. As much as I wanted to get my point across, I didn't want to hurt him. Maybe I did, I don't know. He's sitting at a table with a couple of guys and I start laughing.
"What?" Kai asked.
"Look who he's friends with." I turn my head to where he was. "Simon is withyour friends." Can I get more ironic? "There he is with Nick and the others." Another reason to put Simon on the hate list. A little less selfish this time.
Kai didn't say anything. I look to him.
"You know, it's been a while since you've hung out with them. Are you still friends with Nick and the rest." Maddy asked. She's right, it has been a very long time since I've even seen the guys. Kai hasn't really talked to them and I haven't seen any of them at our house for months.
"I don't know, they all got closer and I kind of fell out. But it's fine. I don't really care." He said. He sounds genuine, but those guys meant the world to him.
"You should go talk to them." I say. "It's been too long." I tell him. I know that it's probably my fault, so I'm trying to push Kai back to them.
"I know, but... it's a little weird to just go up to them and say 'hi'. It's been too long for me to do that." He said. I guess that's true, but what do I know?
"Come on, Kai. It's been forever. Do you want me to come?" Maddy asked him. Kai didn't say anything. "Come on." Maddy stood and urged Kai with her. He stood after a second.
"What about you?" Kai asked me. "You coming?"
I shake my head. "No way. I'm pretty sure Nick still despises me. I've already almost killed someone today. We don't want to double that." I say. Which is true. I remember my first interaction with Nick after moving home. I needed to keep my eyes on the ground to prevent willing the ceiling fan on his head.
They eventually leave after what felt like forever but was really only a second. When they arrived at the table, I listen in on the conversation. I cancel out all of the other loud voices with ease, I'm used to it.
The guys didn't notice Kai and Maddy until they were standing at the table. "Hey." He starts. "It's been a while." I glance over again at the table and see all eight of them. Nick, Sam, Ethan, Ray, Alex, Kai, Maddy, and Simon.
"Hey." Nick said. He's kind of the "leader" I guess you call him. I don't know. "Where's the silent glow-up?" He asked. I roll my eyes.
"Back at our table." He said nodding his head toward me. I see Simon also glance over at me. It makes me uncomfortable.
"So, are you just here to say "hey" or do you have a plan?" Nick asked. I take a deep breath. He can't be mean to my brother like that. I have an urge to stand to get him away, but I stay in the seat.
"I don't know, I just know it's been a while since I hung out with you guys." He said. Yeah, he kind of walked over with nothing prepared.
"Aw, does someone miss us?" Nick asked with a baby voice.
"Nick." Sam said warningly. "Stop." Nick sighs in response.
"What? What am I doing wrong?" Nick asked.
"You're being kind of rude." Simon said to him. Other than Kai, the other guys, and myself, I've never heard someone stand up to him. Maybe Simon's not so bad.
"He's fine." Kai said. I 100% disagree, but I'm not allowed to interfere.
"What about her?" Nick asked. "Why is she here?"
"Hi, I'm Maddy if we have not already met." She said enthusiastically, as always.
"Yeah, we know." Alex said with a sarcastic tone.
"So, what's up Stevens?" Nick asked again. "Why are you here?"
"I don't know, I was wondering if we could talk about what happened or something?" Kai said somewhat embarrassed.
"You kept saying no when we asked you to hang out. So we stopped asking." Nick said. Another one of my faults.
"Well, I've been busy." Kai retaliated.
"Doing what? You quit soccer before you moved away, and now you don't do anything. What could possibly be taking up all of your time?" His handful of a sister, that's what.
"Well, I've been in a relationship for a while. And with my cousin living with us, she takes up time too." There's one more reason, he's just not allowed to say it though. I'm such a bad person.
I really should have just stayed with the Cullen's and let my family think I was dead. They're lives are so much harder because of me. It would have been easier for them to live without me than what they have now. But it's too late now. Two years too late.
The bell was about to ring and I was anxious for this awkward conversation to be over. I feel bad that I sent Kai over there with no preparation, but at least Maddy is there too.
When the bell rang, I stood up. Kai and I made quick eye contact before I left. I head to my history class which has Maddy in it. Unfortunately, we don't sit together. But her presence is enough to calm me if need be. Simon isn't here. I don't know if I could handle him in two of my classes. I can barely handle the one, as previously shown.
Mrs. Bia is alright, I guess. There's nothing particularly great or bad about her. She's a good teacher and I learn what I need. Even though I'll never need to know why Ancient Greece used an oligarchy rather than a monarch. But, I'm not in charge of what I learn.
I sit in my seat, and in comes Sophia Loreno. Another bane of my existence. She's that stereotypical mean girl. Really popular, pretty, and pretends to be oblivious to these facts. But she definitely knows. And she loves to let me know.
"And then he told me that he thought I was great." She was talking to her best friend Kaitlyn Scarmenti, another stereotypical mean girl. Sophia was talking about some guy. I really couldn't care less, but I get bored and eavesdrop on her conversations. They are always petty to the point of hilarity. I could use some laughs.
"Did he?" Kaitlyn asked after Sophia didn't elaborate.
"He kissed me." She finally said. They both laughed their petty laughs and I rolled my eyes. The room was still filling and Sophia turned back to me from her desk in front of mine.
"Hey." She said in a friendly tone, but knowing her it definitely is not. I look up from my desk and meet her face. I don't make eye contact.
"Yes?" I ask in a somewhat sarcastic voice. "Is there something you want?" Her fake smile stayed on her face. Since the beginning of ninth grade, I've known that she didn't like me. Most people don't like me. Again, the natural human instinct. At leastsomeone has it.
The thing is, humans don't know that they have this instinct. So, I can never be sure if the person doesn't like me because of instinct or some other factor.
"No, you just seem very alone." Ain't that the truth. "Like, all the time."
"I'm not a people person. I don't like people and they don't like me." I say. Is the conversation over now?
"What a shame." She said. Another fake smile and voice. "I'll be your friend." Kaitlyn stifled a laugh, a verification that this is all an act.
"I don't think that's the best idea." I say. "Like I said, I don't like people."
"You seem to be getting along with the new kid alright." She pointed out. Who hasn't noticed?
"Simon?" I ask. "We've just been talking. We aren't exactly on speaking terms at the moment." I add.
"Oh, so you aren't interested in him?" Not in the way you'd expect.
"No." I pause. "Why do you care? Didn't you just say that someone kissed you?"
"How doyou know about that?" She asked. This is what I like to call an "Erik Moment". Asking a question with an obvious answer.
"I couldn't help but overhear since you sit right in front of me." I say in a smart tone. There weren't a lot of people in the room at the time, so it's not like I didn't hear it.
It's at this point when Mrs. Bia went to the front of the room and started class. Sophia scoffed at what I had said and turned back to her own desk. I hear her mutter "freak" under her breath. You have no idea.
Hey, I'm on time.