Richelle Mead owns these characters.
Chapter 14: Don't Forget to Love before You're Gone.
The days felt like weeks, the nights like they had never ended. I skipped school and missed work, but my boss and teachers understood. Dimitri stayed with me as I watched my father go in and out of consciousness. He brought me food, a change of clothes and let me sleep on his shoulder when I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. It's been almost two really long weeks since bringing Abe into the hospital and he hasn't gotten any worse, but not any better. Now at this moment he was sleeping. His eyes closed and his breathing calm, but I knew he was in pain and the only thing helping him was the tube pouring morphine into his aching body. I wanted to stay awake and watch him, so Dimitri had decided to catch up on sleep too. We sat on the couch bed thing next to the window of my father's small hospital room. Dimitri's head on my lap while his long legs hung off the end and me with my legs bent sitting sideways. So I could watch Abe and every now and then look out through the window.
It was getting dark outside. The sun just peeking above the horizon and the orange-ish glow was disappearing. I watched as the wind picked up a little and moved the trees. I was glad that Dimitri had stayed and helped me so much. He was truly my strength right now, just as I was his. He was peaceful when he slept. His face unguarded and a light smirk placed on his firm lips. It was quiet in the room as I watched both the men in my life sleep away their pain. My father especially, it was kind of overwhelming how he was so calm coming in here. How he spoke with such ease and understanding. It was like he was ready to go if he had to. However, I wasn't ready for that. Not yet. It's been kind of blah since being here and I have a feeling -a strong painful feeling- Abe won't ever come out. As much as I didn't want to face that or have it happen, I knew it was inevitable and I should be stronger than this. But he's my dad and I wasn't ready to let him go.
.D.
I heard them before I felt them. The tears and sobs coming out in muffled breaths. Roza was crying again and didn't want to worry anyone or appear weak in front of Abe. I open my eyes slowly, silently watching as she covers her mouth and clutched her eyes closed. The tears fall down her red cheeks and land in my hair or on her other hand that was previously running through my hair. I sit up slowly, not wanting to make her feel anymore sadness and wrap her in my arms. Her breath on my neck, her hands gripping my shirt and her cries threatening to take over. I hold her tight to my body and just dwell in the silence. I let her cry and release her pain and worry. I stay silent as she fights with herself to keep control and not breakdown. For now at least and then slowly quietly and a little more calmly; she starts to fall asleep.
As I enter the room with breakfast -hot chocolate and a donut- Rose is sitting up and rubbing her tired eyes. 'Thank you.' She says as I hand her the cup and sit next to her on the small uncomfortable couch. She leans her head on my shoulder after taking a few sips from the foam cup and sighs. 'I didn't mean to fall asleep or soak your shirt in tears.' I smile sadly and wrap my arm over her shoulder, pulling her closer to me. 'It's okay, Roza. You needed to get that out and you needed the sleep.' I kiss her temple and she leans into me. I've never felt so whole like this before. As if I was actually needed by someone else and not there for their own benefit. It felt good to be needed, wanted and to take care of Rose the way she took care of me. 'Speaking of sleep, you should get some rest yourself.' I shake my head and shrug at her frown. It deepens as though she's just realized something and she backs out of my hold. 'Dimitri, when was the last time you showered?' I look away and think to myself, then back to her and shrug. 'Ew. You should go and clean up. The nurses are going to kick you out for smelling up the place.' I smile and shake my head not wanting to leave her alone, but I get up anyway. 'Okay, I guess I should then. You want me to bring you something? Food or clothes?' She nods as I lean down to kiss her -something I'm still getting used to- and our lips linger in the moment. 'Just some more clothes and can you bring some for my dad. I want him to be comfortable, maybe it will help having something from home here.' I nod at her request and begin walking to the door.
After a look back to Rose, I see the fear and worry in her eyes. I want to make sure she knows I'll be here; I'll be here no matter what for her. 'I'll be right back, Roza.' I say quietly as she smiles sadly at me and nods with a look of pain I want to wash away. Once I pass the front desk and see the open doors ahead, I spot a familiar figure walking in from the parking lot. I sigh at the way her blonde hair moves with the wind and the way her loud shoes clack on the concrete. I know in my gut this is only going to make things harder for Rose, so I attempt to ignore her as we pass each other in the doorway of the hospital. It's not until she clears her throat that I notice her heels not making noise and I turn to face her in annoyance. She looks at me, her eyes moving up and down in a glare of disgust and then she steps closer to me. I don't really care what she has to say, I know girls like her, she isn't like Rose. We stare at each other for a few odd and quiet seconds and I wonder what her problem is exactly. She sighs in that prissy snob way and puts a hand to her hip. 'Do you need something?'
I ask with obvious annoyance then she rolls her green eyes. 'As a matter of fact I do.' I raise an eyebrow and wait as she continues to glare and watch me in disgust. 'Why are you here?' I take in her threatening tone and think over what to say. 'What's it to you?' Lissa rolls her eyes and sighs in annoyance, taking a few steps closer to me and then stopping as if just to glare at me closer. 'Rose doesn't need you here bothering her; go look for someone else to drag down.' I snort in annoyance and shake my head while turning to walk away. I could feel her eyes on the back of my head, burning me with whatever hate and misunderstanding she was carrying toward me. I hear her sigh as I take a few more steps away from her and then come to a stop as soon as she speaks. 'You're wasting her time... And yours. It's not like you care though, right? Your just here for whatever reasons you are-' 'Rose wants me here!' I turned facing her with an angry glare and silence her rambling. As she looks at me in slight surprise, I step closer and continue. 'She needs me, she needs everyone right now. The least you could do is stop harassing me and be there for Rose, since you seem so concerned.' She flinches at my last word as I say it in a firm tone.
As we stand there and wait for each other to speak or do something, her expression becomes blank and her eyes stay on mine. 'She deserves better you and I both know that. You're not worth her time or anyone else's. She puts up with a lot and we both know that her father isn't going to last very long.' As I open my mouth to object to her useless words, she puts a finger in my face and continues speaking in a harsh tone. 'And before you say whatever it is that you're going to say, you need to know this; Rose is family. My family and I protect my family from whatever it is that doesn't belong.' A short silence occurs between us and I keep my mouth shut waiting for her to finally finish. 'That's you... You don't belong. You're just going to hurt her and I'll be left to pick up the pieces. That isn't going to happen.' I take a moment to roam over what she has just said and find myself slightly agreeing with her, but something else she's said sticks and it bugs me. 'That's all you're concerned with... How it affects you?' She opens her mouth to say something, but I step a little closer to her before she can. 'Rose, is a lot stronger than you think, she knows what's going to happen. She just needs someone to show her she isn't alone, of course you would know all about that since you're so close. Some family you are.' As I turn and begin walking into the parking lot, I know I've left her standing there stumped. Although, she of course has to have the last word and I just keep walking as she yells out. 'You stay away from Rose. I mean it, leave her alone!' I let her think she's won and carry the look on her face as I walk away. I wasn't going to leave Rose when she needed me most, I had already made that choice when she told me she loved me, but Lissa's comments did make a lot of sense.
.R.
'Rosemarie?' I heard his voice croak as I was almost drifting off again. I snap my eyes to see my dad's brown ones wide open and searching. I quickly take the few steps to his bedside and grab his weak hand, squeezing lightly. 'I'm here, Pop.' He sighs tiredly and smiles small, giving me some sense of him being okay. I resist the urge to cry, I fight the tears that want to spill down my face as he slowly and weakly squeezes right back. I swallow the large lump in my throat and focus on his face as he gathers himself to speak. 'How are you, kiz?' I smile sadly and shrug at his question. He shakes his head and squeezes my hand once again. 'Come on, kiz, humor your old man.' I swallow heavy once again and blink away the sadness. 'I'm okay, pop, don't worry about me.' He smiled once again, weak and tiredly. 'Always the strong one. Where's you're not so boyfriend?' I smile and shake my head in attempted to not let out the loud booming laugh his easy words created. 'Oh, I got rid of him, Abe. You don't have to worry about him anymore. Knock Knock!' My head snaps up at her voice and words. Lissa walks into the room and wears a big smile while talking to my dad. 'Hey, Mr. Mazur, how you feeling today?' My father just smiles at her and continues conversation as I wonder what the hell Lissa was doing here. 'Vasilisa, how are you? It's been so long since you've visited me. I thought you forgot about Rose's old annoying father.' She laughs and throws a peek at me as I'm still in slight shock she had showed up. 'You're hardly old, just wiser.'
They laugh together like they would have any other time. A time before she made it clear about my feelings toward a certain boy who has been here with me since everything that happen. It angered me beyond anything that she thought she could just come here and pretend everything was okay. How could she when we haven't talked in almost two weeks. 'So, kiz hasn't mentioned where you've been. Too busy to have dinner with us anymore, Lissa?' Lissa smiles and shoots me another look. One I wasn't sure of, but I had decided to not bring up our fight in front of Abe. Especially right now, since he had no clue I had fallen out with Lissa and I didn't want to worry him over useless drama. They keep talking like nothing was wrong, as if the huge elephant in the room wasn't bringing tension and awkward silences between us. I had only answered when questions were directly toward me or pretended to be interested in Lissa's rambling about her mother and whatever else she talked about.
Her other words still stuck in my head. The hurtful and angering things she said as we sat with all our friends at lunch and she unloaded all her dislike for Dimitri. Dimitri, I suddenly wondered if they had crossed paths as he was leaving and she had come. They had to have run into each other; Lissa had showed up not too long after he had left. I quickly look to her and she finds my eyes, but looks away as I'm sure she's noticed my questioning eyes. After a while of talking with Abe, the nurse comes in to give him more medicine and tells Lissa it's time to go. Dimitri hadn't come back yet and I was slightly glad. They say their goodbyes and Lissa gives Abe a slight hug before wishing him to get better and I stand and wait for her at the door. As we walk a small ways into the hallway, I finally decide to speak and release all the emotions I've been holding back. 'Why did you come here?' She suddenly stops and looks at me in confusion, as if she didn't know what I was talking about. 'Who told you, Lissa?' She sighs in understanding and looks to the floor and her shoes. 'You haven't been to school or work, Mase said something happen. I ran into Eddie and he told me your dad was here.' I really wish people wouldn't talk so much in this town. I also really wish she wouldn't look at me with that helpless look that says at least she did show up and come see my dad. I didn't want to give her any pity or let her think I was giving off some kind of hope to fix things between us. I wasn't sure where I stood with her at this particular moment. 'I meant what I said earlier...' I give her a look of confusion and she finally meets my eyes without looking away. 'I told him to leave you alone. I ran into him when I was walking in.'
Anger and a little annoyance had sparked suddenly in my chest. 'Why? If I didn't want him here he wouldn't have been here.' She rolls her eyes and sighs in annoyance at me. 'Rose, you don't need him dragging you down. Right now you need to be there for your dad and him distracting you-' 'He isn't distracting me.' 'Then what is the point of him being here?' 'He wants to be here, Liss. He wants to be here for me like I am for him.' 'How do you know he's not trying to use you? Rose, he's a waste of time, he isn't worth it. I understand you don't want to be alone, but lowering yourself to him-' 'Stop! Just stop it!' She stops talking and the silence lingering in the hall ends our mild argument. I was tired of hearing her same excuses, tired of hearing how he wasn't good enough and tired of hearing her. 'He's been here this whole time. He hasn't left, I had to tell him to go and change and shower. Lissa, he isn't like what everyone else says he is. There's more to him than you think, just give him a chance.' I explain tiredly.
Lissa doesn't move or say anything. She just watches as my eyes tear up and my voice cracks as I continue to explain myself. 'You have to understand something, Liss. My dad isn't going to be here forever and I know that, but I need someone too. You have Christian and your mom, I don't. All I have is Abe and he's fighting for his life, but once he's gone...' Her eyes became soft and she watches me in a different way. As if something clicked and finally made sense to her. I was crying, the tears leaking from my eyes as I said the one thing that I was truly afraid of admitting. 'I just don't want to be alone.' She opened her mouth a few times and shut it without saying anything. Then suddenly she was hugging me and I found myself hugging her right back. 'You're not alone, Rose. You've got me.' I sniffled and tried to find my voice as her words added to the emotions floating around inside me. 'What if that isn't enough? Why can't I have him too?'
After a few more silent minutes of hugging and crying, Lissa and I make our way to the front of the hospital. 'I'm sorry for everything, Rose. Everything I said and the whole thing at school.' I nod and stand at the entrance as she fishes for her keys from her purse. I take a deep breath and release it, like I was letting all the fear and sadness out. 'Rose?' I snap my eyes to Lissa as she stops a few feet from the door. 'Yeah?' 'I um- I said something to Dimitri earlier.' I wait for her to continue and wonder if I'll just get mad all over again. 'I didn't mean it. I just thought he was only going to hurt you and I know you really care about him. I'm sorry.' I nod and smile sadly at her and she returns the gesture. 'It's okay. He won't hurt me, he just wants to protect me and be there. I think it's how he wants to redeem himself...' I didn't mean for her to hear that last part, but it had just kind of made sense to me why Dimitri was so driven to stay with me. 'Redeem himself from what?' I shrug an I don't know to Lissa, she doesn't question it any further and just let's it go as she begins walking out to her car and I turn back toward my dad.
...
After another hour or so, Dimitri had come back showered and changed. As I was in the bathroom helping the old man change I noticed how painful and tiring it was for him to do such a simple task. 'You okay, pop?' He nods and slowly puts his arm in the sleeve of the old shirt Dimitri brought back. 'Pop, if it hurts too much to dress than you don't have to.' 'Don't coddle me, little girl. I'm sick not handicapped.' I roll my eyes at him and help to button up the shirt. 'What did Vasilisa say?' 'About what, pop?' He sighs and I help him to stand so we could make our way back into the room.
As I step ahead to open the door, he grabs my arm and pulls me back to him. 'Rosemarie, it's not good to fight with the people you love at a time like this.' 'We weren't fighting, pop.' He gives me a look saying yeah right and waits as I sigh and explain. 'Okay, we're not fighting anymore. I don't think. It wasn't a big deal old man. Just some overprotectiveness and misunderstanding on her part.' He nods and releases my arm, wrapping his own over my shoulder as we make our way back into his room. 'Good. I'm not going to have you be angry with the people I'm leaving you with.' I don't give his statement any attention, but in the back of my mind I feel sad again. His words stuck with me just like all the ones he's said before about him "leaving". It angered me that he was so okay with it. I knew that this was the way he was though and that I had to understand that it was his time. No matter how much realizing that hurt.
'What's this?' Dimitri and I were seated on the little couch again and I was going through the bag of clothes he brought me back. 'I don't know, I found it on the porch when I got to your house.' The large white envelope was blank on the side facing me, but as I turned it over I quickly noticed the address it was from. 'It's from Berkeley...' One of the schools I applied to, the very one me and my father hoped for. I look at the envelope and touch the name and logo. This was it, something else I really wanted. 'Well, open it little girl, I don't have much time.' Dimitri and I both snap our head to the direction of my father as he was now wide awake apparently. I roll my eyes at his statement and turn the envelope over to open it. 'I thought you were asleep, old man?' He smiles slightly and shrugs. I take a breath before opening it and look to my father as I begin tearing the paper. Those few seconds it took me to open the letter and then unfold the paper seemed long, but before I knew it I was reading. The silence that overtook the room as I read to myself seemed to blur together as I slowly went over the words in my head. 'Well?' My father's anxious voice sounded as I looked up to meet his eager eyes. 'I got in.' At that moment you wouldn't have ever guessed that he was sick or in pain. The most wide and brightest smile had hit his face and all I could see in his eyes was how proud he was of me. I smiled right back at him and took the few steps to go and hug him. He hugged me tight and didn't seem like he wanted to let go. So I just held him and let him take it in.
A few moments later he had let me go and rests his head against the head board. 'I'm so proud of you, kiz. You did good, all that hard work paid off, huh?' I nodded and looked back to the paper in a sort of disbelief. Abe lightly grabbed my arm and gently squeezed it as he began to talk in a low tone. I could tell the medicine was taking effect. 'I'm so happy for you, kiz. See I told you it would all work out. I knew it.' I smiled and noticed the slight tears that were forming in my eyes as I watched him. 'I'm going to get something to eat, Roza.' I turned to Dimitri as he stood up and nodded towards my dad, letting me know he was giving us a moment. I nodded in understanding and watched as he walked out. I sigh taking all that's happen in and keep looking at the paper in my hands. 'Is he going with you?' I look to my father as he sleepily talks. I shrug and lean against the bed once again taking my father's hand. 'You should take him with you, Kiz. There's nothing for either of you here.' I sigh and squeeze our hands together slightly.
'It's not really up to me, pop, and besides we haven't even graduated yet.' Abe sighs in annoyance and tugs on my hand lightly, as if demanding that I listen to him. 'You're going, Kiz. You take him with you or neither of you will ever find peace here.' He was right, well, kind of. Dimitri was trapped here from whatever was holding him back from himself. His father for sure, but me. Well, I had an opportunity to go and do something with my life. A chance at college and to live somewhere where I could start over and live my own life. However, for Dimitri it was a whole other thing. A chance to get out while he still could, maybe even get rid of all the guilt that consumed him and I wanted that for him more than anything. When I looked back to Abe he was already asleep, so I quietly leave his side and go change.
...
'So I guess your bad spaghetti skills got you in, huh?' I smile and look up to him. Abe had long ago fallen asleep and it was just Dimitri and I lying awake on the small couch. 'I guess so.' He smiled sadly at me and moved a piece of hair away from my eyes. 'I think that's great, Roza, you deserve it.' I smile again, but Abe's earlier talk comes up in my head and I try not to dwell on it. I didn't want to leave Dimitri when the time came and I kind of had a feeling he would say something to try and convince me to. 'California is a big place.' He smirks and I know a sarcastic remark is coming. 'Yeah, almost as big as a whole state.' I roll my eyes and shake my head at him as he laughs softly. I like the sound of it as I could fell his low rumbling through my head on his chest.
'I won't know anyone there and ill pretty much be by myself.' Dimitri kept his face blank and just continued to play with my hair. I knew he had an idea at what I was getting at, but I didn't know how to come right out and ask him. So I used the old man as help. 'Abe said something earlier when you were gone.' Dimitri took a deep breath and finally caught my eyes. I took the look to keep on talking. 'He said that it would be like a chance to start my own life. To start over I guess, you know?' He nodded slowly and dropped the strand of hair he had between his fingers. He was silent for a moment, looking as if he had something to say and to me that moment was taking forever. So I hesitantly took the lead and sucked it up to ask him. 'That would be good for me, you know... And you. You could get away from here, all this shit and your dad.' He just looked at me showing nothing in his eyes as I waited for something from him. 'I don't know, Roza, that's some time from now. You should just focus on helping your father get better.' I nod still looking at him and he meets my eyes. I see something in them, something that looked like fear, but I let it go as he leaned in and kissed my forehead. I just hoped he would think about it
So ff was being lame and not letting me update, but here it is now. There is only one chapter left of this story and then its finished. Done. Over. You get the point, but no worries ive got another story brewing up and im actually really excited about this one.
Anyway, just want to thank everyone for the alerts, favs and reviews. They are awesome and if you feel the need to leave anymore please do so. And as always thanks for reading (: