Dear readers, I have no idea if you like my story or not, I have no way to know when you don't review! Because I would really like to know if you like something, or if you don't, or even better; if you have any ideas! I would love to hear about it, because at the moment I'm not sure if there is any point in continuing this, I don't know if it is worth my time.

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or anything related to it

thanks for reading! :)

-Emma

Chapter 14

Surrender

We were walking slowly towards the diner, Leah quietly enjoying the breeze and I trying to hear if Paul was following us. The trees seemed dark and scary during the evening, and the ground cold and catching. It had stopped snowing hours ago, and the crunching sound that came for every step I took, was addicting.

Leah sighed deeply after only a few minutes and I let my eyes fall on her.

"He's not following you," She stated and I felt the disappointment grow. "I know," I said trying to sound convincing, but failing miserably.

"You shouldn't stay away from him, it's not doing you any good," she spoke again almost as if against her will and I slowed down again. I had heard it before, but somehow the honesty in her voice struck me and I sucked in a mouthful of air.

"But why?" I asked and looked up at Leah's hardening face. "Because you are soul mates Melanie, he imprinted on you,"

I jerked backwards feeling as if she had struck me. My lips parted in surprise and my heartbeat fastened.

"We're not soul mates, there is no such thing as soul mates," I stated shaking my head at her words. Soul mates were for fairytales and exceptions, not reality. But I couldn't shake the feeling that she had a point.

"Then he wouldn't have imprinted on you," she said emotionlessly and angrily. Leah looked… she looked sad, beneath all the anger and the hard mask, she looked sad.

"Explain it to me," I demanded and her face turned in indecision. My eyes were fixated on hers with a stare of fear and wonder and I silently begged her to finally tell me.

We stopped walking and she looked at me for a long time, before shaking her head. "I must be the stupidest person in the world for doing this," she murmured to herself before sighing deeply and turning her full attention to me. Her eyes hard and her lips in a thin line.

"Imprinting is what happens to a wolf when he finds his soul mate. Everything changes, the imprint becomes the center of his world, becomes the most important thing." She stopped speaking, trying to find the right words to continue. "It's faith saving you from countless mistakes, and giving you the person you're supposed to be with, your perfect match,"

I swallowed hard and started to shake. Leah didn't pity me, she didn't feel sorry for me. And something told me, that there was a story I had never been told causing it. "And you're Paul's imprint, so everything you do affects him and vice versa. At least that's how it's supposed to be, but you've proven to be the toughest imprint yet."

I took a deep breath of air and blinked. "You're lying," I whispered hearing how pathetic I sounded, hearing how hopeless it sounded. My body felt unsecure, unsafe. I wanted to escape, to get away. The information was processing to fast.

"You're going to give in eventually, you need him," She stated and I felt fear run through me. Fast, scarily fast. I felt threatened.

How could he be it? How could the person I had promised myself never to be with, be my soul mate? I hadn't been nice to him, and he hadn't been nice to me when we met, he had been terrible. He just couldn't be my soul mate, I wasn't supposed to find out who I was going to end up with before I was older. The teenage years were made to have fun, and something told me that I wasn't going to, or want to, exploit it.

"Shit," I whispered as my body started to shake rapidly.

Leah took a quick step towards me, trying to grab my arm, but I stepped backwards. "No!" I hissed and tried to breathe normally, but I felt as if I had a heavy weight placed on my chest, tightening it and making it hard to breathe. "Melanie, what's going on with you?" Leah asked slowly changing her posture from hard to worried. I wanted to get away and think, I wanted to give myself some space.

But I didn't know what was happening. I was scared, afraid of what it all meant, afraid that I would have to give in to the connection between myself and Paul. Afraid of the responsibility I had for him, without even asking. But most of all, I was afraid of the longing I felt in my heart. But I was going to ruin his life because I didn't want it, I didn't want to go through heart break and problems and pain.

Leah tried touching me again, but I slapped her hand harshly away. A low growl escaped her lips and a sweat broke out on my hands. I was trembling so badly that I couldn't control anything, and I couldn't breathe. Panic spreading inside me.

"Melanie, are you phasing!?" Leah Screamed and turned to walk away from me. I yelled to make her wait, closing my eyes in the process. It couldn't be happening, could it? Phasing was formed from anger, phasing was different, phasing was. It couldn't be happening to me, I wasn't angry!

The sudden ripping sound and the loud howl that followed made me open my eyes in shock, and I screamed when I saw the huge wolf in front of me. Leah had phased.

My breathing got so bad that I didn't manage to take another breathe, and I was shaking so badly that everything was blurry.

"HELP ME!" I yelled at the creature that was slowly but surely getting so blurry that I had trouble seeing it at all. It howled even louder than before and cold chills went down my back. Leah was calling for help.

And then it started. The separation.

I could feel every single cell in my body, every single atom part from one another, dragging me apart piece by piece making me unable to make any sound at all. Every single particle, what I was made of became lose and floating and I knew deep in me, that I was disappearing, becoming nothing but particles in the wind. Leah was frantically trying to get help, but when I heard the sounds of feet running our way it was already too late.

The mass of particles I had become, moved quickly, flying through the air towards Sam's house. Images of the boys as I past them, floated so fast through my mind that I was unable to make anything out of them. It was as if I was flying through a tube where the earthly rules of physics didn't count. And as I floated to Sam and Emily's house I realized what was happening. I wasn't phasing at all, I was teleporting myself from one place to another.

Only seconds after my atoms started to move, I was reaching my destination; Sam and Emily's house. And as I was floating there like an invisible cloud of me, the particles started to come together. I felt myself become a whole mass as the puzzles got pieced together and a strong prickling sensation went through me. Piece by piece I became more and more myself until the I was standing there, on the porch, as a whole person, as Melanie Boston.

I took a deep breathe, testing my lungs out, checking if everything was normal and it was. My body was calm and I could hear my heartbeat, pulsing relaxingly in my chest. The trembling and fear that had taken over my being was gone, evaporated and I was left with a comforting feeling of being whole.

"Wow…" I whispered to myself and was about to walk into the house again, when I heard noises behind me.

"Melanie!" I heard them yell as they ran towards me and I quickly turned around staring at their approaching forms. Paul was the fastest, the most eager to come to me and I closed my eyes as I remembered why. He looked scared, but concentrated as his tired body reached mine and stopped before me.

"Are you hurt?" he asked hoarsely, his eyes scanning my body looking for injuries and I shook my head quickly. "No," I whispered and observed him closely all the same. I felt the tears push behind my eyes as I watched his controlled, but broken form and I realized that he was doing it all for me. He looked so broken and tired because I asked him to stay away, because I said I wasn't ready, and because I stayed away from him. My hands grabbed the sleeves of my sweater, and I bit my lip carefully, insecure. Tears slowly started to leak from my eyes, and I had no way to stop it.

Paul finished his exam by looking at my face, and his hard concentrated eyes softened. His hand moved up to my face, cupping my cheek and his thump wiped away the tears. "Melanie... you'll be fine," He whispered and I closed my eyes again. Of course I was going to be fine, of course.

I barely noticed as the boys walked away. Seeing how nothing was wrong with me.

Paul was staring at my face and I could see his strong protective desire, hos desire to make everything okay. And I wanted him to, I wanted him to hug me and erase every single bad feeling left in me. For the first time since I met him, I was able to admit that I wanted him.

I let myself fall into him, wrapping my arms around his back and holding onto him tightly. My face buried in his chest and tears leaked from my eyes. He stiffened at first, unprepared for the instant touch, but then he took me in squeezing my body tightly, trying to keep me as close as possible. And while my knees buckled beneath me, his body got stronger, and kept me there, in place. His warmth spread throughout my body and I felt safe.

We stood like that for a long while, me enjoying the good completeness that ran through me, and him just keeping me safe.

When I pulled away, my tears were dried away and the terrible guilty feeling I had been having was gone. In fact, feelings I hadn't even known were a problem were gone, I didn't feel alone, scared, angry, sad. I just felt content.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly looking at me from behind thick lashes, and I took a deep breath of air. "Yes," I answered confidently and started walking towards the beach grabbing Paul's hand in the process.

"Come on, we need to talk before Sam shows up," I said and he nodded his head following me. I didn't particularly want to talk to Paul about anything, I really didn't, that would mean making my responsibilities real and maybe starting a relationship. If I had the guts to try it out. But I knew I had to. We, or I or something had reached a crucial turning point. So it was time.

"What happened to you?" Paul asked and squeezed my hand. The snow crunching beneath his bare feet and his warmth moving from him into me.

I smiled as I looked up at his curious and scared face wondering what made me so at ease. "My body parted, as in, every single atom in my body parted and became air before moving to a new destination and coming together again," I said and noticed his confused expression. "What, so you teleported?" he asked and I nodded my head. "I know it sounds strange, but it has to be some kind of defense mechanism, when I feel endangered or if I want to get away it happens, like when the vampire came," I said and heard how strange it all sounded. How absolutely crazy it sounded, as if taken out of a science ficion book. Paul stiffened next to me and almost stopped to walk. A frown settled on his face and his eyes slowly turned to me.

"What scared you tonight?" he asked quietly and I looked down at the ground.

"It wasn't anything specific, if anything it was me, and then Leah phased and I thought I was going to phase… I wanted to escape," Paul stared at me, telling me that he knew I wasn't telling him everything and I sighed deeply.

"She told me about imprinting and I got scared," I stated and looked up at Paul again. His eyes were telling me that he felt guilty, that he felt horrible. And I understood, it couldn't possibly be good to hear your soul mate tell you the idea of being with you was scary.

"I won't apologize for imprinting," Paul suddenly said looking at me with determined eyes and I nodded my head. Of course he shouldn't apologize for it, it wasn't his fault. "I would have fallen for you with it or without you, only it would have taken a little longer time," he stated and grinned.

"It would have taken you a lot longer, I've been obnoxious to you since we met!" I joked and laughed. Paul shook his head with a smile on his face. "You're probably right, I would have done everything just to make you hate me, and when you did, I would have started to like you," Paul said and started walking again, dragging me with him.

After a short silence, I spoke up again.

"I do care about you too, you know, I just don't want to admit it," Paul's arm went around my shoulder, side hugging me and I could almost feel the smile grow on his face.

"That's okay, you're secret's safe with me," he said and let me go.

"I don't think it's a secret anymore," I said and looked into his dark orbs. His smile fell a little, a more serious expression replacing it and I wondered if he would understand my point of view.
"I can't do anything about it, Melanie, you know I can't" he said slightly annoyed and I shook my head. "How did you expect me to feel about it Paul? Whatever happens between us, goes straight to my brother." I cringed at the thought and felt slightly resigned.

"Everyone else seems to handle it well, so I can't understand why it's such a problem with you," Paul said and tightened his hold on my hand. He was irritated, probably because I couldn't be like the other girls, like Emily and Kim and everyone else who had any sort of contact with the mythical world. But I was different from them, and I found it hard.

"Because Paul, when everyone knows everything about me, I'm vulnerable in a way I refuse to be. I don't want people knowing my secrets and experiences, I have a god damn file where you can read everything about me!" I hissed and tried removing my hand from his, feeling a sting in my heart. Was it so hard to understand that I wanted some privacy?

Paul didn't let go, if anything he made sure my hand couldn't slip away. He made sure I couldn't slip away.

"That's all fine and dandy, Mel, but unfortunately, I'm your souls mate and I can't change that about myself," he said after stopping us from walking any further. His body was tense, but he wasn't trembling and he wasn't scowling. He was fine. I kept my eyes on the ground as I tried to find the words that would solve it.

"Yes, yes you are, and I'm yours," I stated and looked up from the snow covered ground. It was hard to admit, it was hard to say it as it was, but what was I going to do? Lie to myself? "And we have a long way to go, with a lot of conversations, and a lot of arguments," I laughed a little, trying to change the mood a bit. "So we better get started, huh?"

Paul's face lit up as I finished my little speech and he grabbed my other hand and dragged me towards him. "Yeah?" he whispered seductively into my ear and I had to take a second to collect myself. His breathe was caressing my cheek and his free hand went around my back giving me goose bumps all over.

"Yeah," I whispered and stared into his eyes, telling myself to let go. Telling myself that it was time to move forward, and to accept the boy. Paul smiled and I moved my head up towards him. my nose touched his and my heart accelerated in my chest.
"So, are you going to kiss me, or what?" I finally asked nervously. I didn't have to ask twice.

His lips crashed down into mine, sending a tingling sensation throughout my whole body. His embrace was warm and passionate, and I pressed my lips closer to his, opening them a little in the process. His hand cupped by cheek and I could feel him smile against my lips. As he touched me, I found myself wanting more in a way I hadn't felt before. It wasn't the sexual tension, it wasn't the physical attraction, I just wanted him close to me, I wanted to keep the contact.

The kiss he had given me on New Year's Eve, was nothing against this.

Then he let my lips go and with a heavy breathe, he kissed my forehead. "Wow," I whispered and heard myself giggle. Paul's chest shook as he started to laugh, happiness filling his being, like it was filling mine.

"I've waited a long time for you," he said and wrapped his arms around my waist in a big bear hug. "And now I have you," his voice was triumphant, glazed with the happy humor he couldn't contain anymore. It was a happy moment, I knew it was, but I couldn't help but to feel guilty. How long had I kept him at bay? How much pain had he suffered through because of me? Because at the looks of it, he had it way worse than me.

"Don't say that," I whispered into his arms and he tensed up for a quick second as my words reached his ears.

"So what now?" he asked, ignoring my wish and stepped away from me so that we could actually look at each other. My hand found his silently and I started playing with his finger, looking at our hands instead of at Paul.

"Now we go back to the house and talk to the others about what happened," I said and shivered when I felt his warm fingers on my chin, lifting it up carefully so that I was forced to look at him. "And what about us?" Paul asked, his raspy voice soothing my mind. I smiled and stepped up on my toes to kiss his cheek.

"We take it slow," I stated and smiled, hoping that he understood that I wasn't leaving, but that I did need some time to process everything the right way. He squeezed my hand.

Sam was sitting on the desk chair in my room, and I had positioned myself comfortably on my made up bead. It had started to snow again and the already white surroundings grew from my window. One of the boys had lit up a fire when they came inside and most of them, including Leah, were sitting in the living room. Paul too, I had wanted to speak to Sam alone. He had been at work in the auto-shop when it happened, and so he hadn't gotten the message before later.

His hair was messed up, sticking up here and there, and his clothes were dirty with car oil and rust. His right foot was impatiently tapping the ground in a quick rhythm and his eyes were taking in my belongings. There wasn't much in my room, it wouldn't have taken me more than ten minutes to pack it all up and leave. The desk was home to my schoolbooks, the little black book with all the quotes, and a few pens and pencils. There were no pictures sitting in the frames they had bought me, there were no posters on the walls and there was no mess on the floor. I was always ready to leave.

I was observing him, seeing how tense he was, how desperately he wanted to know.

"Sam," I said loudly and his head turned quickly towards me, the tapping stopped.

"Did you talk to Leah?" I asked and sat a bit up in the bed.

Sam nodded his head. "Yes, she showed me what happened," he said in his deep alpha voice coming off as cool and collected. If she showed him then I wouldn't have to say so much, that wasn't necessary. "What did you see?" I asked, wanting to know exactly what it looked like. He shook his head as he tried to explain it, not understanding it himself, but the words came out.

"Your body became very frantic, shaking almost as if you were going to phase, and you had massive trouble breathing," he looked at me for confirmation and I nodded my head to keep him going. "You became invisible disappeared by the edges, becoming blurry, and then you just disappeared," he said looking at me for the explanation, wanting me to tell him what exactly happened and what it felt like.

"The atoms that make up my body got pulled apart so that I wasn't one whole mass, and then it transported itself in this strange airless tube from Leah, to this house," I said explaining it was easily as I could. It was easy, and somehow I just knew that what I was telling him, was right. I had felt it happen, and I had realized what it was. When Sam didn't answer, I just kept talking.

"I think it's some kind of defense mechanism, I got scared and I wanted to get away, just like with the vampire, so my body teleported to another place, avoiding the danger," I was telling Sam how I saw it, what I understood of it.

"And since my body has the ability to part into atoms and electrons alone, then it would explain why I survived the car crash when I a baby, because even if I was hurt, I could just rearrange myself and fix it," I said hearing how strange it sounded. But it couldn't possibly be that farfetched, it sounded like a great theory at least.

Sam sighed and covered his face with his hands for a second. "I think we should call Carlisle, he'll be able to give us answers to what exactly happens to your body, since he has your blood," I nodded my head, agreeing to what he said

"Are you hurt?" Sam eventually asked and I quickly shook my head. "I feel completely fine, as if nothing has happened." I stated and dragged a hand through my hair. If I started to think about what all of this really meant I would probably feel differently, I would probably have some mental break-down. So I had to just scratch the surface, I couldn't in any way dig deep into it. Because if I did, I don't think I would have been able to keep going as I was.

Sam snorted, mocking my choice of words, not believing me and I frowned. "You have to feel something, Mel, this isn't exactly something you come across every day," he said and sighed deeply.

"Well, everyone doesn't react the same way, and I honestly feel completely fine," Sam was about to say something again, but I interrupted him, "And before you say anything, if this is something my mind is suppressing, then I know great supportive people who will help me through it if or when it comes back up,"

He looked at, taking in my form and trying to analyze my feelings. I was starting to feel uncomfortable when he finally said something.

"We're calling Carlisle tomorrow," he decided and stood up to leave my room.

"You should get some pictures in here, personalize the room," he pointed to the frames and the walls before nodding his head and walking out.

Leaving me alone.