Chapter twelve: Back

JPOV

March 10, Friday

Things were working out fine. None of the worst case scenarios came to play. In fact, these were more best case scenarios. She still loved me, although we hadn't been able to hold each other yet. I was confident that her love would stay. No matter what.

And her control over bloodlust was like Bella's had been. She didn't suffer one single bit. Hunted every day and never was thirsty in between. She didn't even know what a sore throat felt like. I was eternally relieved that she didn't have to move to Alaska. And I was silently hoping that she would be coming home soon. Or at least that we could see each other in private. Or hold each other again.

Carlisle told me that if it weren't for Tina's mistake, she would probably have been home already. But they learned to be extra cautious.

I understood. In a way they all felt guilty a bit.

She was allowed to hunt alone, and then called me, away from vampire ears.

One time she was deep into thought.

"I have this dilemma. It's not about something in particular, just general. I want to be discrete about my gift, like Edward is, I really admire that in him. And so do you, he never spoke to anybody about what he found in your thoughts. About Leah, when I was growing up for instance. I want to be like that too, no matter how hard. But on the other hand, I don't want to keep secrets from you."

"Hmm. That is a tough one."

"At first I thought that telling you everything I hear wouldn't matter, because we can both keep it a secret then, but Edward can read your mind, so you can't. What should I do?"

"I think, if there are things you wouldn't have known if you weren't a mind reader, that you shouldn't tell them. I wouldn't have liked it, to continue the Leah example, if Edward decided that he could tell Bella."

"So I should keep it all to myself? Even if it concerns me?"

"Um. I don't know. I guess so. If you really want to tell something, if you think it's important that I know, you can always ask them if they're okay with it. Maybe that's the most honest solution."

"You're right."

Some other times during our private phone calls, she tended to get naughty, very naughty, telling me that her lack of bloodlust was compensated in a different kind of lust. As to be expected for a newborn vampire. It made me need her even more.

Today I would meet her inside the house, where smells get more intense. First with open windows, and then closed. I would attend to movie night, each on a side of the big couch.

I craved to have her closer to me, not just because I couldn't. We always were very affectionate, when she was human we were touching and cuddling all the time. The other cravings, also affectionate, but more mature, were present as well.

I tried to ignore our last conversation, when I saw her tonight. She sat perched between Emmett and Edward on the couch. Those choices were strategic, Edward the fastest and Emmett the strongest had the most chance at stopping her. Alice sat next to Edward, so he could easily tune in on her visions, even though with me they were worthless.

I don't think I managed to keep my mind pure, because I saw Edward's jaw tighten, while Nessie was suppressing a grin. Definitely naughty.

"So," Carlisle interrupted the tension "movie time. Sit down Jake," and then he motioned for Esme to start the movie.

About half an hour into it – I could honestly not say what it was about – Edward took the remote and paused it.

"Enough. That's three of you now." He shook his head.

"I agree," Jasper added, "although for me it's four."

The four lustful people looked down, I was the only one blushing of course.

"Edward, you know we can't allow…" Carlisle pleaded.

"They are allowed." He nudged his head towards Emmett and Rose.

"It's really their fault," Ness defended herself "all those thoughts all day long."

"Jake can't read their minds, he's got no excuse."

"Do I need an excuse now to want my wife?"

"You can want my daughter all you like, but please don't think about it in my presence."

"Believe it or not, I was actually trying to."

I heard Nessie chuckle, but she earned a glare from Edward, immediately straightening her face.

"I agree about Rose and Emmett," Alice interrupted.

"Would you mind your own fucking business?" Rose shouted, almost shocked that they would vote now about her sex life.

"See? That's what I mean." Alice continued, undisturbed "you are so bitchy."

"Hey, don't call my baby bitchy."

"I think I can speak on behalf of Tina," Nessie said carefully, more to Emmett than to Rose, "when I say that she really wouldn't mind. In fact, it would be better if you were both satisfied when she returns, otherwise you'll smother her all over again. So you'll be doing her a favor."

All vampires nodded at this. I don't know if they really believed that, but as long as Emmett and Rose were put out of their misery, the greater good was served.

They looked into each other's eyes, and as soon as the first cracks appeared in their resolution, we all knew what would happen.

"The cabin!" Esme shouted, pointing at the back door, just in time, because Emmett threw Rose over his shoulder and sprinted out of the house. Esme sighed in relief for the expensive furniture that was saved. And the peace of everybody in the house.

"I've been thinking" Carlisle said, turned towards me "why haven't you phased yet?"

"I thought that maybe the smell…" I looked at Ness, uncertain.

"She'll have to deal with it someday. So better now, right?" Edward said, reading Carlisle's mind.

"Yes," Carlisle added "I think we will be able to give you more freedom once you are fully wolf again. You'll be immune to the venom and you'll heal from most possible injuries. We'll still need to be careful, though."

He had a point. I wanted to hold her as a human. Before risking to repulse her. But if I was allowed to hold her sooner after phasing, then the rest wouldn't matter anymore.

I looked at her, asking in my mind what she thought of that.

"I think the same," she said.

Carlisle looked at us questioningly, and I nodded at him.

I would phase. Every day if needed. And as soon as my wolf power was back, I would claim my Nessie. Take her home with me. She smiled at that.

I stood up saying that I would go home and phase right now, I wasn't really paying attention to the movie anyway. Edward rolled his eyes, but looked relieved.

I threw a kiss at Nessie, and left.

In fact, phasing was just what I needed right now and it came as natural as ever.

All my human needs were less urgent when I was a wolf. I was able to clear my mind entirely and just focus on the rhythm of my paws on the forest ground, the little clouds of fog blowing from my nostrils, and the diversity of different scents in the air.

It was good to be back. I hadn't realized just how much I had missed it. Now I would be able to phase every day, for the rest of eternity. Maybe fate has done me a favor, by changing Ness.

I ran for hours, till deep in the night. I could hear some howling coming from the rez, but there were no voices in my head. I was a pack of my own.

When I was back home, human again, I immediately felt some difference. Or maybe I just wanted to. When undressing in the forest, ready to phase, I had been freezing, now I was walking back to the house in my sweatpants without feeling the cold. Of course I ran enough to keep me warm. I felt fit and confident. Enjoying my endorphins.

I planned to go to sleep, and phase again, first thing in the morning. And to pay attention to my sense of temperature before the running.

If my wolf could bring Nessie back to me, then I would hurry up in bringing him back first.

AN: I think most of you are pleased that Jake is wolf again...