Chapter 14

Make a difference

Everything was black. Everything was still. And everything hurt. Korra could see nothing but felt every ounce of pain in her body. She was in a half-daze, struggling to escape her dark nightmare and return to reality.

Even though reality was fucking awful.

She tried not to agree with the claim, but it was true. At this point in time, her real life scenario was terrible. She didn't forget the onslaught that had occurred; she never would. The memories alone forced her to flinch. She wasn't sure if any of this was translated to her physical body, but her mental state made it clear.

She was weak. She was afraid.

She pulled away from the light beckoning her. Why? Why should I bother? I'm nothing. If I wake up, if I get better, they'll just do it again.

Another voice argued with her. You are strong, Korra. You can fight this and win. But you won't be able to do anything if you don't wake up.

This voice sounded familiar to her; it was not unlike her own, but she couldn't pinpoint the difference. Was it more…? She shook her head. That can't be it. She had heard it before, though, she was sure of it. When? She drew a blank and huffed.

But what's the point? Korra questioned, turning to the mysterious voice. I can save myself a lot of pain if I don't wake up. I can't beat them. Even if I did come back, I'd only have two options: run away or keep getting assaulted. And if I run away, I'll be even more of a failure in my parents' eyes. It's bad enough I'm not the Bending daughter they wanted me to be, but if I throw away all the hard work they've put towards sending me here… I can't do that. But if I stay, they are going to kill me. Those men… they'll keep hurting me. I couldn't fend them off when they were drunk, what happens when they're sober and articulated? I'm not a warrior. I never will be.

Korra, you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. You have a purpose in this world.

And what is that? To be some douchebag's punching bag? To be a failure to the people close to me?

Why do you insist on calling yourself a failure?

Because I am one.

How so?

I already told you! Korra was getting frustrated. I couldn't even protect myself. I couldn't live up to what my parents wanted me to be.

But what is it that you want to be, Korra?

She paused. I… I don't know.

What is it that you want from this life? What are your heart's desires?

I… I don't want to be a failure. I don't want to let people down.

You focus too much on what others want for you. What is it that you, yourself, want to do in your life?

Korra collapsed into herself and remained silent. She could not procure a single thing in her cloudy state.

How will you ever define your purpose in the world if you let others decide it for you, then refuse to continue on to explore it for yourself?

Tears fell down her cheek.

Only you can shape your own destiny, Korra. You must forge your own path. Look to the aspects of your life that inspire you to carry on and succeed, and to the things that bring you joy and satisfaction. Instead of focusing on the things that drive you into the ground with the feeling of failure and allowing them to overwhelm you, learn from them. Everyone experiences defeat at one point or another, and that's okay, but we gain nothing if we don't take the time to learn from it.

She continued to cry. She heard sobs in the faint distance and felt a hand clasp hers. Korra tried to hold it back, but found she couldn't move.

"What have they done to you?"

The Southerner recognized the voice in an instant. Asami! Asami, I'm here. Please don't cry. They hurt me, but I don't want you to be hurt, I don't want you to cry. Asami!

"Who did this to you?"

Could she actually hear me? Korra hoped. I don't know who they are, Asami. I don't know.

"Why?" This last question was more of an exasperated plea to the Spirits.

Asami, don't… don't cry… please… don't cry… The Southerner felt awful, like her world was collapsing.

'What is it you want in this life? What are your heart's desires?'

She knew, at that moment, she wanted nothing more than to comfort her friend and tell her that she was going to be alright. And at that moment, it was the first time she believed she would be. That she would pull through this. That she would heal and fight tooth and nail against her aggressors and against all of the expectations shoved down her throat. Her urge to defend and protect echoed in her. She felt a flame burn inside of her that was stronger than any she had experienced before.

I know what I want to do, what I want to do with my life.

She paused, trying to translate her emotions into words.

I want to make a difference.

With a new found light in her heart, she took her first steps away from the darkness that enveloped her towards the brightness ahead.

(-)

The closer she was to waking, the more distinct the pain in her body became. Though everything seemed to ache, there were certain points that hurt more. Her ribs brought about the most discomfort. The right side of her face felt sore and inflamed. A dull twinge racked her head and made it swirl. There was a tension in her left wrist. Sharp pangs radiated that she couldn't quite place. Korra struggled to open her eyes, her conscious surfacing across her. She forced one pair of lids apart but failed with the other. Her sight was blurry and the light shining in through the window burned. She groaned and turned her head away from the pane.

Beside her, slouched over the arm of a chair, was Asami Sato. Her pale fingers were wrapped around Korra's bruised right hand. Her grip was light. She could see just a part of the engineer's face, but knew all too well that she had been crying. The Southerner tried to call out to her.

"Asami?" Her voice was just above a whisper. It hurt to talk. She remembered that hand around her throat, clenching, and grimaced. She instead attempted to squeeze her friend's palm, but her knuckle wounds restricted the movement.

So she sat there, in silence, looking upon the woman next to her with one functioning eye. The clock ticked by without consideration of the pair. It had been an hour past sunrise when Korra woke. One hour became two. The Water Tribe girl found the task of staying awake to grow more challenging. She developed a light wheeze from her rib injury resurfacing. A single stream of tears fell down her face as she stared at Asami. Her thoughts got the best of her and she lost the fire that brought her from the darkness.

I let her down, too. She told me to be careful, and I wasn't. She offered to go with me, but I refused. But what if she had come with me? Would they have left us alone? Would we have made it to my place safely? Would she have made it back safely?

Then it dawned on her.

This was better. This was okay. I'll take the pain. I'll take all of the pain they have to offer, as long as they don't hurt her.

This belief felt so natural to her, despite how much the notion took her off guard.

Asami stirred, as if she could hear Korra's thoughts and had to wake just to dispute them.

'You're important, too, Korra. You don't deserve to get hurt this way. Neither of us do. You have as much worth to me as I have to you.' Korra mimicked the older woman's voice in her head. The last sentence tripped her up. The engineer had never said this to her before, so why would she assume that this is something she would say.

It sounded like something she would say. The Southerner shrugged, arguing her point to no one but herself. Wait –

"Korra?" Her voice was groggy. When her peridots met a single blue, she flung her arms around the injured girl and held her. The younger woman felt hot tears drip onto her skin.

They remained in this position for quite some time, each crying in silence. Asami was bent over the side of the bed, but refused to surrender to the pain in her back. She wanted to never let her go. Guilt overwhelmed her. Why didn't I go with her? Why didn't I keep her safe?

"Asami?" Her speech was muddled, but clearer than her first attempt a few hours ago.

The engineer departed from their embrace and ran her fingers over the left side of Korra's face. The Water Tribe girl strained to lift her right hand up to the pale beauty to wipe her current tear away.

What do I even say to her? She paused. I'm sorry? I'll be okay? Don't cry? Or do I just say nothing…

The older woman read each emotion that spilled from that blue iris. She took the initiative so Korra wouldn't have to.

"What happened?"

"They – they got me." All her strength had left her. She felt weak again.

"Who got you, Korra?"

She shook her head. "I don't know who they were. There were five of them. Five. Only five. And they still got me." Her negativity consumed her. "I couldn't fight them off. They were muscular and tall and drunk and too close to me."

"It looks like you at least gave one of them a fractured jaw or a broken nose." Asami turned Korra's right hand over, examining it.

The Southerner grinned, to her own surprise. "Yeah, I did get that guy pretty good. Punched him right in the jaw and kicked him right between the knees." The engineer gave her a look that fueled her fire. "I had two of them on the ground before that. One I swept the back of the legs, the other I flung over my shoulder. This guy was the third. He was on the ground too, until…" She trailed off, the feeling of inadequacy returning.

"Korra – "

"I told you I would be careful and I wasn't and I made you cry."

She winced at the sadness in Korra's voice before she spoke. "It's not like you asked for this to happen, Korra. You defended yourself the best you could." The engineer placed her hand on the Water Tribe girl's shoulder and squeezed it. "We have to focus on putting an end to this, and on your recovery." There was a level of ferocity in her green eyes that the Water Tribe girl had never witnessed before.

"A-Asami –"

"Do you remember what any of them looked like? Any distinguishing features?"

Korra sighed. "Not really. It was pretty dark and they all looked the same. Big, tall, bulky. One of them was a raven. Another guy had black hair, too, but he had a mustache. That's about all I remember."

"We should take those letters to the Dean." The Southerner shot her a fearful look, but Asami was having none of it. "He needs to know, Korra. You could have died."

"And if we show them the letters, then I will die."

"What makes you think they are going to stop? You and I both know they won't leave you alone until you leave."

"Then maybe I should –"

"No. You're not leaving." Asami didn't even need to list her rationale for Korra to submit. "They are going to react the same way no matter what we do. If we do something about it, we at least stand a chance."

She wanted to argue but backed down. "You're right, Asami. You're always right." She sunk in the bed and looked away to the window.

The engineer sighed and took the Southerner's hand. She couldn't think of anything to say in response. I just want to help. I don't want to see you hurt anymore.

"Asami?"

"Yes, Korra?"

"My key is in my pants pocket. You know where the notes are. I haven't moved them."

The older woman left her bedside and retrieved her bloody clothing. She shuddered at their appearance and fished for the key.

"Asami?" The tone in her voice had shifted.

She turned and raised a concerned eyebrow to the injured woman.

"Can you stay for a little while? I… I don't want to be alone again."

Asami returned to the chair she slept in and clasped Korra's hand. "Of course."

They sat together in silence, too many thoughts to keep track of running through both of their minds.