AN: Hey readers. It's been a while since I posted one of these skits, so here you go! This one is a direct follow-up to the Slumber party Special, so there is a storyline involved. Have fun!
Disclaimer: I do not own Resident Evil, its characters, Depends, or Flintstones vitamins. Oh, and Pocky! I don't own that either!
(Facility X, Noon)
Wesker: **sitting in chair, reading newspaper** Hmm, been a while since the facility was this quiet. I forgot how nice it was outside my office. **hears stampede of footsteps pass, puts down newspaper** What in the world was that? **gets up and follows stampede, peeks into kitchen**
Jill: **raiding refrigerator** Ok, I could have sworn there was chocolate in here!
Ada: **checking cabinets** Are you telling me there isn't any chocolate in this entire place?
Claire: **checking pantry**So we've got no supplies, aspirin, OR chocolate? UGH! Are you kidding me? This is the WORST possible timing!
Wesker: **thoughts** Wait a minute. Is it possible that one of their hormones have triggered each other's reactions and causing them to act like this? I'd better leave before they notice I'm here. **tries to sneak away, shoe squeaks against tile floor**
Angels: **creepy head turn, stare at Wesker** Wesker . . . .
Wesker: And that's my cue. **flees down hall**
Irving: **walking with Krauser in opposite direction, sees Wesker** Whoa! What are youse in a hurry for boss?
Krauser: You actually look a little nervous.
Wesker: **stops suddenly, fixing hair** Listen up, men. A certain time of the month has arrived for the Angels, and there are absolutely no supplies in the facility to placate them.
Krauser: How many are affected?
Wesker: ALL OF THEM.
Krauser: That does it. **grabs Irving, carries him over shoulder** We're getting out of here NOW.
Irving: **shock** WHAT THE-? Whas goin' on here?
Krauser: No time for questions! **jumps out nearest window**
Wesker: **preparing to jump out window as well**
HUNK: **wanders over, looks confused, muffled speech** ?
Wesker: We're going grocery shopping. HUNK, stay here and make sure the Angels don't kill each other. And see to it that Excella doesn't get murdered by them as well; she's still too useful to lose yet. **jumps out window after Krauser and Irving**
HUNK: **still confused** ?
(Random Grocery Store)
Irving: So . . .wha are we doin' here?
Wesker: We are here to stock up on supplies, Irving.
Irving: What about all that stuff we got attacked with? Those came in not too long ago!
Wesker: They were deemed unsuitable for reuse. The germs on the floor contaminated them; that's why I told you to burn them. So now we have to buy some more along with the other items on this list.
Irving: **takes list** Do we have ta' get aspirin and chocolate as well?
Krauser: If you value your life Irving, then 'yes'.
Wesker: We'll split up, that way we can get everything quicker. That way HUNK will have a better chance at survival; I don't think he's trained for the situation occurring at the facility. **rips section of list** I'll take care of the chocolate. **walks away**
Irving: In that case, I'll grab da pills! **rips list, gives last piece to Krauser, runs off**
Krauser: **glaring at list** …'Tampons'? What's a tampon?
(Facility X, Excella's office)
Excella: **filing her nails** . . .
HUNK: **enters office, barricades door**
Excella: **confused** Did I say you could come in?
HUNK: **rapid, muffled explanation**
Excella: **has no idea what he's saying** . . . Fine. Do whatever you want as long as it doesn't mess up my office.
HUNK: **sigh of relief**
(Meanwhile, in the tampon aisle of the Grocery Store)
Kruaser: **staring at rows of tampons, thinking** What brand do I get? And what size do they need?
Old lady: Young man? Could you reach up and bring down a box of Depends for this old lady? My arthritis is acting up today and I just can't reach…
Krauser: **turns red, brings down box of Depends** . . .
Old lady: Thank you, sir. Shopping for your daughter? Such a good father.
Krauser: **turns even redder, blurts** I don't have any kids!
Old Lady: That's alright dearie. I wish my husband was as brave as you. Your wife must be a lucky woman.
Krauser: **bright red** But I-!
Old lady: No need to be embarrassed about it. Good-bye. **leaves**
Krauser: **thinking**. . . maybe I can get some of those geezer diapers and they won't bite my head off. . .
(Excella's office)
HUNK: **sitting in front of barricaded door**
Excella: . . . **stands up and walks over to door**
HUNK: **jumps to attention**
Excella:**annoyed** Out of my way!
HUNK: . . . **steps aside, pinches nerve**
Excella: **collapses, unconscious**
HUNK: . . . **sigh of relief, exits office, seals door, replaces lockpick, finds Pocky in his pocket** ! **puts it back**
?: GET THE CHOCOLATE!
HUNK: ! **tackled to ground by Jill and Claire**
(Meanwhile, in candy aisle of grocery store)
Wesker: **looking at array of candy** Hmm… the angels aren't usually picky about what they eat, except for Ada on certain occasions, but it occurs to me that I never learned their personal chocolate preferences. There must be an easy way to solve this. **grabs shopping cart, sticks arm out and starts walking, causing ALL the chocolate to spill into cart** Oh Albert, you are brilliant. Always were.
Little girl: **pointing at Wesker** Mommy, why is that man wearing sunglasses inside?
Mother: He's blind, sweetie.
Little girl: Oh.
Wesker: **overhears conversation, pretends to be blind**
Little girl: **runs over with armful of candy** Here you go mister! Hope you get your eyes back! **gives Wesker candy, runs away**
Wesker: Well that was easy. Foolish children.
**cell phone rings, Wesker answers it**
Wesker: What is it HUNK? . . . No, you may not use lethal force. Just make sure they don't murder each other or leave the facility. . . Just do whatever I'm paying you for. . . Did you say 'a raise'? I couldn't quite hear you. Oh bother, this phone is running out of battery. As you wer- **hangs up**
(Facility X, lounge)
HUNK: **in pillow fort, holding radio, heavy muffling** …Bull!
Angels: **clawing at door** Let us in~. We know you have it~
HUNK: **rips open box of Pocky, undoes seal on gas mask, starts eating Pocky quickly**
Excella: **outside** What is going on here?
HUNK: **alarmed** ! **cracks door open, tosses stun grenade**
(Grocery Store check-out line)
Irving: **arguing with cashier** You can't refuse service to me! I'm a customer!
Merchant: Don't you see da sign! **points to sign: 'We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone'** Yer tryin' to buy seventy-eight bottles of painkillers, Strangah!
Irving: So?
Merchant: Ah eitha' have to call security, or get da cops to arrest ya on suspicion of drug dealin'!
Irving: Ah'm just tryin' to buy some pills!
Merchant: Seventy-eight bottles! **speaks into radio** Can ah get security to register twelve? Ah got a suspicious customer!
Irving: Ah, come on! **sees Krauser and Wesker, starts jumping and waving** Hey guys! Ovah 'ere!
Merchant: **hears rattling** What's in yer pockets?
Irving: Nothin'!
Merchant: Yer tryin' to shoplift as well?
Irving: Oh, oops. **pulls out more bottles from pockets** Ah couldn't fit everythin' in da cart!
Merchant: Sure ya didn't. Wait, dese are Flintstones vitamins! Security!
Irving: **eyes widen** Oh shit. . . .
(Meanwhile, with Krauser & Wesker)
Krauser: Looks like Irving's got some trouble.
Wesker: It's probably better if we don't get involved.
HUNK: **muffled greeting**
Krauser: HUNK? What are you doin' here?
HUNK: **muffled speech, holds up shopping basket**
Wesker: You wanted to buy tofu?
Krauser: Wait a sec- you left the Angels and Excella alone? We gotta get back to them! **runs away with Wesker**
HUNK: **puzzled** ?
Irving: **sees Krauser and Wesker arrive**About time youse guys showed up!
Krauser: We got everything. We're getting out of here! **stuffs Irving in shopping cart and runs**
Merchant: Oi! You didn't pay, Strangahs!
(Facility X)
Krauser: **panting for breath** That was way too close.
Wesker: **fixing hair** My thoughts exactly. I never knew cashiers were authorized to carry rocket launchers in their aprons.
Irving: Yeah! Where da heck did he get dat, anyway?
Wesker: That's not important. We have a bigger problem at hand.
Krauser: Right, **looks around** Where are the Angels? Shouldn't they be attacking us by now?
Irving: HUNK musta taken care of 'em before 'e left. Let's see if we can find 'em.
**Irving and Wesker check the living room, only to find the Angels wearing straitjackets, bite masks, and tied together in the middle of an abandoned pillow fort**
Irving: Found 'em.
Krauser: **from down hall** I found Excella locked in one of the bathrooms. Should I let her out?
Wesker: **to Krauser** Not yet.
Krauser: Good! She sounds angry and I don't want to be the first person she sees.
Wesker: **to Irving** Right. Even though its safer with them tied up, I suppose there's no choice but to go in and free them. And I'm the only one who has a chance of getting out with all my limbs.**rolls up sleeves** Once I say 'Go', get ready to throw the bags of supplies at them. But save a few boxes of each for later. We'll need those.
Irving: **looking in bags** Uh, sir? I think Krauser got the wrong—
Wesker: Go. **dashes into room**
Irving: **surprised** Gah! **tosses bag of pills, chocolate, and supplies into room just as Wesker returns** Close da door!
Wesker: **slams door shut, locks it** That will hold them for now.
Krauser: **walks over with a hand-shaped red mark on his face** Excella broke the bathroom door down. She's stronger than she looks. **whispers to Irving** Better watch out. She hits HARD.
Irving: **whispers to Krauser** I know, man.
Wesker: Anyway. The crisis has been averted. We'll leave the Angels in that room until they calm down. Until then, I wash my hands of this mess. **leaves**
Irving: Well, that makes one of us.
Krauser: Let's get out of here before Excella comes back around. I think that slap is going to leave a new scar if I don't put some ice on.
Irving: My thoughts exactly.
FIN~
AN: You guys should know what to do by now. Leave a review, please!