Sebastian didn't know if it was the weight loss, the paleness of his face, or perhaps only his own nerves, but after welcoming the guys inside and having everyone sitting down in the living room, he felt like everyone already just knew.
No one was saying anything but Sebastian felt like he had the word CANCER written all over his forehead. Every glance Sebastian got of the guys looking at him seemed judgmental and pitying, but he kept trying to tell himself that it wasn't the case, that it couldn't possibly be the case. Sebastian's mind was split in two, one part felt determined and positive that this was for the best, and the other half was screaming for him to just make a run for the stairs and go lock himself in his room.
Sebastian's own thoughts seemed loud in the silence of the room as the guys just sat there, smiling and looking at him expectantly. Sebastian chuckled nervously, and cracked his fingers a few times before wiping his cold sweaty palms with the denim of his jeans. He straightened his clothes, adjusted his beanie, and made a few attempts at talking but his voice was gone, he just kept sighing and smiling awkwardly, gathering his courage.
Sebastian was not nervous; he was terrified. He just stared at everybody for the longest time and watched their smiles go from expectant to awkward and from awkward to worried as the silence stretched for two entire minutes. Sebastian knew this because he was alternating between looking at the guys, then down at his own feet, and then at the clock in the wall in the other side of the room.
Jeff and Nick kept looking at one another, and then at Sebastian. Hunter seemed intrigued and expectant, but his expression was quite collected, as usual. Thad and David were just sitting there, silently staring at him with curious eyes. Trent was the only one who was standing up, looking at Sebastian like he was ready to just sprint to where he was standing and grab him if he fainted. Trent's lips were pressed in a tight, encouraging smile and even though Sebastian knew he meant well, it only managed to make him even more nervous.
"Are you okay?" Nick finally asked, which snapped Sebastian out of his thoughts.
"Um… yeah, sorry. Well… I just don't really know what to say, I mean..." He chuckled nervously, "Just thinking about where to begin, I guess."
Sebastian felt like an idiot for admitting to his own nervousness, but Nick just smiled friendly and then Jeff said:
"Well… we're all really glad to see you. How have you been?"
"Yeah, I feel like we haven't seen you in forever!" said David.
"We've all been worried about you… We've missed you, man." added Thad, and the rest of the guys nodded.
Sebastian smiled and took a deep breath, looking at them. Watching Sebastian smile made the rest of the guys smile in return, but Sebastian knew there was no easy way of saying what he had to say.
"Well... I have cancer."
Sebastian's words immediately wiped out the smiles of everyone in the room. Nick and Hunter frowned confusedly, Jeff and David just gaped and Thad seemed like he was choking on air. Trent seemed like he was in the verge of tears, even though he already knew. The atmosphere in the room immediately changed, and none of the guys could form any words.
"It's leukemia…" Sebastian continued, rubbing his hands over his thighs as he sat down in the arm of his dad's big recliner chair. "I got diagnosed late December; just the day before Christmas eve actually. It's been pretty hard but I'm okay, I guess. I've just… I wanted to deal with it on my own for a while. It's hard to explain, but yeah… that's why I haven't been around."
None of the guys said anything; it was like they just let Sebastian's words sink in for a while. After a couple of seconds of confused glances and silence, Jeff was the one who finally spoke.
"Sebastian, b-but what does that mean? Will you be okay?" He asked.
"Well… I hope so." Sebastian said, smiling awkwardly.
"I'm fine right now. I mean, the cancer is still there... I'm still in treatment, which means I have to go to the hospital a lot, but I'm fine. I getting treated in a really nice hospital in Cleveland that is top-notch in regards to cancer treatment, so yeah… It's been pretty hard these past couple of months, but hopefully I'll be alright… you know, eventually."
Sebastian was impressed at how positive he had managed to make everything sound when the past couple of days he had been feeling so pessimistic and depressed about his situation, but he was glad, because the guys seemed to believe him. They were all smiling, and looking at him supportively.
"Wow… we had no idea." Nick quickly said, "Cancer… Sebastian, you should have told us, man."
"Yeah… sorry I disappeared on you guys."
"But wait… Are you being homeschooled now or something?" Asked Thad, and Sebastian grimaced. He knew sooner or later that subject would come up.
"No, I'm not." He confessed, hesitantly. "I mean, that was the idea, originally... My mom was going to hire a tutor but, I haven't been able to study much… or, at all."
"Wait… what do you mean?" Thad asked.
"I… I'm just not studying."
Everyone looked perplexed.
"What? No way Seb… really?" David asked, horrified... And Sebastian just shrugged.
"But Sebastian… you were top of our class, you can't just throw away your senior year!" added Trent.
They all started protesting then, agreeing with Trent and saying how they couldn't believe it, so Sebastian started to get really annoyed. Sebastian knew the guys meant well, but he didn't need them telling him all the things he was doing wrong when they didn't even understand his reasons.
"Okay can you guys just cut it out for a minute?" Sebastian yelled, startling everyone. "I'm not throwing away my senior year… Alright? I just can't go to school when I have to be in the hospital all the time! And I can't even think about studying when my brain feels like mush half the time with all the drugs they give me."
Everyone remained quiet… they seemed worried and embarrassed as they realized they'd upset Sebastian with their comments.
"It's not that I don't want to study… I do. Believe me, I really do… You guys think I don't want to graduate and go to college? Of course I do! But I have to be alive for that, don't I? Right now I just need to get better… I need to just deal with this first... I don't know what else to do."
The room fell silent as everyone just kept looking at each other awkwardly and apparently just taking Sebastian's words in. They didn't need to say anything though... Because just the look on their faces made Sebastian feel sick to his stomach. Things had started out so well but now Sebastian knew the inevitable had happened: They were feeling sorry for him.
Sebastian knew this would happen, he could feel his control slowly slipping away like water between his fingers and he wanted to scream. He was just about to tell everyone to leave when suddenly Hunter got up from the couch and walked over to where he was standing.
"Sebastian… None of us know what you're going through, and we don't mean to make you feel bad, or upset you… That is the last thing we want, but you have to understand that we can't just stand back and do nothing. There must be something we can do, and we want to figure it out. Even if you really can't go back to school, it doesn't matter... If you want to graduate, we'll make it happen." Hunter put his hand over Sebastian's shoulder and then turned to face the rest of the guys.
"We are all going to help you… Right guys? I don't know how, but we're gonna do this. Once a Warbler, always a Warbler, remember? You're one of us, and that means something to us."
The rest of the guys hummed in agreement, and Sebastian smiled, feeling surprised at Hunter's words.
"My mom knows the headmaster's wife…" Jeff said, "I'll talk to her and see if maybe she can talk to her about your situation, and get a hearing with the headmaster! Talk to your parents so they can go down and talk to him, I'm sure there is something that can be done."
The guys seemed excited at the prospect of helping Sebastian, and all started coming up with ways in which they could figure the whole thing out. Trent even offered to write down a schedule and make it so everyone could take turns and come over after school to help Sebastian get up to date with his schoolwork. They were all determined to make things happen no matter what, and Sebastian could do nothing but just laugh and nod as he realized that the guys were not going to let him out of this one easily.
Right in the middle of their conversation, the front door opened, and Sebastian's mom walked inside. The look on her face was priceless once she saw Sebastian surrounded by all his Dalton friends. She was smiling wider than Sebastian had seen her smile in months.
The guys wasted no time, inviting her to sit down with them so they could all discuss alternatives to figure out Sebastian's school situation. As it turns out, Dalton's headmaster already knew about Sebastian's health condition. Mrs. Smythe confessed in that moment that she and Sebastian's father had told the headmaster the truth when they pulled him out of school, even though they had told Sebastian that they hadn't, just to ease his anxiety.
Sebastian felt a little embarrassed when his mom said that aloud, because he realized how silly his demands had been, even though at the time it felt like keeping his cancer a secret was the most important thing in the world. Of course his parents had to tell the headmaster that he had cancer, otherwise why would they pull him out in the middle of the school year? After all, he was one of Dalton's finest students.
But just because the headmaster was aware of Sebastian's illness, that didn't mean things were completely fixed. After all, Sebastian had missed more than two months worth of classes, and making up for that was not going to be an easy task. Jeff sad he would talk to his mother the minute he got home, so that they could set an appointment for Sebastian's parents to meet with the headmaster and work things out.
That day, the Warblers ended up hanging out at Sebastian's house all afternoon long... Time flew by when they had lots of things to talk about, discuss and catch up, and Mrs. Smythe made sure they all had more than enough snacks and drinks until they were all stuffed. Some of them even stayed for dinner, and at the end of the night Sebastian couldn't help but feel relieved. Things had worked out so much better than he ever thought... It was unreal. After the guys were gone, Sebastian found himself feeling better than he had in days.
When Catherine called that night, it was Sebastian who had lots of things to tell her. The truth was, Sebastian felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his chest, a weight that he didn't even realize he had put upon himself.
When Sebastian hung up with his sister, he stared at his phone for a while… Those two voicemail messages he'd been ignoring for the past few days were still there, and Sebastian figured he would just listen to them and get it over with.
"Hey, Sebastian. I um… I was just calling to see how you were. Your mom said you might get discharged from the hospital today? I just… I hope you're okay… I was really scared for a moment there… but I'm glad you're being taken care of now. And well, just… call me, okay? bye."
Sebastian felt his heart clench at the sound of Kurt's voice. He'd left that message the day after the nosebleed incident. Kurt was evidently worried about him and Sebastian had repaid him by telling him to leave him alone. He felt like such an asshole.
"Hey, it's me… again. I know you said you don't want to talk to me, and…" Kurt breathed heavily and sighed, "I don't understand why… but it's fine, I guess… I just thought you should know that I talked to Trent and Blaine about what happened, and I asked them to not tell anyone until they talked to you… Trent's really worried about you though… we all are. Look, Sebastian, I'm not gonna push it if you really don't want to talk to me, but you should really call Trent, okay? Talk to him. I won't call you again… or your mom, if that's what you really want so… I just… goodbye Sebastian."
Sebastian replayed Kurt's voicemail messages a couple of times before finally deciding to delete them. He felt a mixture of frustration and guilt stir inside him. Sebastian realized in that moment, much to his own dismay, that if he had just sucked it up and listened to his voicemail messages from the start, he wouldn't have been stressing over things the way he had. That realization left him feeling stupid and immature, but he didn't know what to do.
Well, Sebastian did know what he had to do… He needed to call Kurt, and apologize, but that was easier said than done. Kurt would probably hate him by now, especially after how he completely ignored him at the hospital the other day. All the good feeling he had about the day started fading away as frustration took it's place. Sebastian had screwed up big time, and he needed to make amends, but how?
He went to sleep, trying to ignore the sound of Kurt's voice as his mind played the voicemail messages in his head over and over again.
The next few days went by fairly quickly for Sebastian, as Jeff kept up with his promise of talking to his mother, and Sebastian and his parents were summoned for a meeting with the headmaster on Thursday afternoon. Sebastian did his best to not freak out over the fact that that meant he would have to actually go to Dalton. Granted, now that the Warblers knew about his cancer he felt a little bit more at ease going out, but that didn't really mean that he was ready to just show up at school and tell everyone.
Still, Sebastian knew he had to do it, and the Warblers were really supportive and encouraging, so that definitely helped. When Sebastian arrived at Dalton with his parents, he walked with his head held high, determined to act as normally as possible. After all, Sebastian was still the same person, and he didn't want to allow his illness to define who he was or to keep him from doing the things that he wanted and needed to do.
As it turns out, the fact that Sebastian was on top of his class meant he could make up for the two months of classes that he missed, as long as he completed Dalton's strict syllabus and made up for the lost time in all his courses in the span of one month. It seemed like a lot, but it really wasn't, considering the fact that Sebastian was already a little bit ahead than the rest of his class in most of the courses. The headmaster was very accommodating, and offered to arrange a meeting for Sebastian with his professors on Monday so they could come up with a study plan to get him going.
Sebastian was grateful for the opportunity, and his parents were more than thrilled about him being able to continue his education. However, as exciting as the prospect of not failing his senior year was, the less exciting part was all the hard work Sebastian was going to have to put into making it possible. There was a lot of reading, writing and other homework that needed to be done, and Sebastian was not looking forward to that part at all.
He knew he'd have a long way ahead of him, and he was going to have to be responsible and study hard in spite of anything that could happen. He had to get chemo on Wednesday next week and he wouldn't be able to slack, no matter how bad he was feeling. Sebastian had the feeling that maybe having things to do would help him take his mind off things and not feel as bad as he'd been feeling previous times. But he'd have to wait and see.
When Sebastian returned to his house, he was feeling determined and optimistic. Things were starting to look up and it felt good. Later that evening, after having dinner with his parents, Sebastian got a call from Alex. They'd been talking a bit more often lately and Sebastian had told him that he was going to visit Dalton today, so Alex called to ask how him about it.
"It was great… Really great, actually. The headmaster was very helpful. He is going to talk to my teachers tomorrow so I'll have to go again on Monday to talk to them about a study plan to catch up on all the assignments."
"Wow, that's great Seb. Sounds like you'll be pretty busy with that then."
"Yeah… that part is going to suck, but I'll figure it out. Dad keeps offering to hire a tutor but I want to see if I can pull it out on my own first."
"You can totally do it by yourself… You're a nerd, and nerds don't need tutors."
"I'm not a nerd… shut up." Sebastian replied, and heard Alex laughing out loud in the other side of the line. Alex always teased him about it just because Sebastian always had better grades than him.
"So… What else is up?" Alex asked and Sebastian shrugged.
"Not much, that sums up pretty much the highlight of my week I guess… I already told the Warblers and they're looking forward to seeing what my study plan will be so they can help me out."
"Cool… How about Kurt? Have you talked to him?"
"Uh… no, not yet." Sebastian sighed; figuring it was just a matter of time before Kurt would pop up in their conversation again.
"Oh… Well, I haven't spoken to him either. I wonder how his dad is doing though…"
"His father? Why? What happened?"
"I don't know… I just remember seeing Kurt post something on Facebook this morning about a surgery or something."
Crap. Sebastian had completely forgotten about that. But now that Alex mentioned it, Sebastian remembered how Kurt had told him about it the last time they'd been together at the mall. Kurt had mentioned that his dad only had a couple more weeks of treatment and then he would have his surgery.
"Found it!" Alex suddenly exclaimed.
"Found what?"
"Kurt's status update… I looked it up on my computer just now. Man you should really reopen your Facebook. You're missing out important stuff."
Sebastian just groaned, he really didn't want to reopen his Facebook. But he couldn't deny he was curious about Kurt's status update.
"I'll read you what he posted: 'Dad's last radiotherapy session is tomorrow. Hoping for good news from his doctors, and a possible surgery date." Alex said and Sebastian couldn't help but feel a little concerned.
"That's it?"
"Yeah… that's all he wrote. He has some comments from a few friends on it. Want me to read them?"
"No, it's fine. Thanks."
"Oh okay… Well, I already told you what I think Seb. You should call Kurt and see how he is doing. I bet he would appreciate it."
"I know… I think I will. Thanks Alex."
"No problem."
After they hung up, Sebastian knew he had to make a decision and fast. He'd been dreading calling Kurt on the phone because he felt like anything he could possibly say would sound lame and stupid and he was mortified just thinking about it. Talking in person would probably be easier for Sebastian, but he didn't know where Kurt lived and even if he did, the mere idea of going over to Kurt's house out of the blue was just too risky.
Going to the hospital, on the other hand, sounded like a more viable option. He would just have to come up with an excuse to tell his mom, cause there was no way she was going to let him take his car if she knew he was going to drive all the way to Cleveland.
Sebastian went to bed feeling conflicted and torn. He knew he needed to make a decision before morning, because if he missed this opportunity, it would only make things harder in the end, and he really needed to make things right with Kurt again.
….
"Are you nervous?"
"No... Are you?"
"No… no."
"You're a bad liar, Kurt."
"Dad, I'm not lying... I mean, I am a little worried, but.. aren't we all?"
"I don't know… I don't wanna get ahead of my self. The treatment has been going well as far as the doctor has said, right? It's just this last round of radiotherapy and then we meet up with the doctor to discuss my test results... it should be fine."
Kurt would never be able to fully understand how his dad could just discuss things regarding his cancer and treatment so easy and carelessly. Kurt had been so nervous earlier that morning that his dad noticed and refused to let him drive, claiming that he was feeling well enough to do it himself anyway.
"We're just hoping for the best sweetie, try not to worry so much." Carole said from the back seat.
Kurt sighed, smiling at Carole and looking at his father one more time before turning to look out the window instead. He tried to focus on the trees they were passing by, and the clear morning sky; anything to give his mind a break from all the worrying. That however, lasted only about 5 minutes because then Kurt remembered he had to check his phone... It was almost 9:28 and he didn't want to forget to tap his nose. He'd almost forgotten to do it at 9:14 because Finn called him on the phone to ask if he could eat the last of the blueberry muffins Kurt had baked a few days ago.
Kurt wished he could be as calm as his dad, but the truth was that he couldn't… Not today. Kurt had spent the last couple of days mentally preparing himself, trying to be positive and doing everything within his reach to prepare for this moment. He couldn't help but be extremely anxious because today they would finally find out if his father's cancer treatment had been successful in reducing the size of the tumor; and if everything was going well they could possibly even get a surgery date.
The drive to the hospital seemed unusually long that day, and when they finally arrived Kurt knew it was truth time. He wanted nothing more than to just to go in, talk to the doctor and get things over with. But no, they had to wait. Their appointment with his dad's oncologist was still one hour away. His dad had to get his last radiotherapy session first, so Kurt and Carole sat in the waiting room while Burt went inside the clinic.
Kurt had all the information he needed right in his hands, in a manila folder he'd been keeping ever since he came from New York. He had all his dad's appointment dates, test sheets, and information related to his condition in there. He'd also been taking notes about his dad's symptoms and side effects from the radiation since day one. Kurt had collected several pamphlets and brochures about prostate cancer, treatment and research there as well.
The logical part of Kurt's brain was telling him that worrying wouldn't do anything to help his dad, but the emotional part of it was just freaking out about even the slightest possibility of something going wrong. Kurt just couldn't even bare the thought of losing his father. When Carole put her hand on his shoulder, Kurt almost jumped out of his seat.
"Do you want a sandwich? I have fruit too." Carole said with a sweet smile.
"No thanks…" Kurt replied, trying his best to smile back at her.
"Honey, coffee doesn't count as breakfast. Aren't you hungry?"
Kurt just shook his head and sighed. He knew Carole could tell just how nervous he really was. He hadn't been able to eat anything before leaving the house that morning because he was feeling a little nauseous. He still wasn't hungry, so he declined Carole's offer as kindly as possible, feeling relieved and thankful when she didn't insist. They just sat there in companionable silence, waiting for the time to pass. After a couple of minutes Carole reached out to grab one of the magazines from the small corner table. She started mindlessly flipping through the pages as Kurt struggled to not bite his nails off.
Suddenly, Kurt's phone started buzzing in his pocket… He reached for it thinking it was a text message but froze when he saw it was actually an incoming call from Sebastian. Kurt was startled as he stared at Sebastian's name and picture flashing through the screen.
Oh no… Kurt couldn't deal with this right now. So he declined the call and quickly put his phone away, taking a deep breath and trying to calm himself. Why was Sebastian calling him right now? It was the worst possible time. Sure, Kurt had been worried about him last week, but then he'd also been really hurt, so Sebastian's sudden call right now just mixed Kurt's emotions in a way that he just couldn't deal with at the moment.
It was like the universe was plotting against him. Kurt needed to keep his mind focused and positive, not distracted and anxious. So he took a deep breath and decided he would deal with his conflicting thoughts about Sebastian later, after he was done with his dad's appointment.
Kurt opened his folder and started flipping through the papers he had there until he found the pamphlet he was looking for. "Stories of Hope: Cancer survivor testimonials." Kurt read the entire pamphlet, even though he had read it many times before. Somehow, it just soothed him to know there were many people around the world who had won their battle with cancer. His dad was a fighter, and he could beat this thing too.
After a while, Kurt looked up at the clock in the wall and realized 30 minutes had passed. Every minute in the waiting room seemed like an hour long though. Kurt was feeling a little bit better now, but he couldn't help but feel a little antsy about why Sebastian had called him. Hadn't he told Kurt to leave him alone? Yeah, Sebastian had been very specific about that. What if something was wrong though? Kurt hadn't thought about that possibility and now he felt bad for ignoring the call. Maybe something was wrong and… No. When Kurt realized he was stressing again he kicked himself internally. With his luck, Sebastian probably butt-dialed him and he was worrying about nothing.
Kurt breathed in, putting his head on his hands and closing his eyes, trying his best to zone out. Maybe if he tried hard enough, his mind would finally shut up. Positive thoughts, he needed positive thoughts. And most importantly, he needed to stop thinking about Sebastian… Now was not the time to be thinking about him.
"Kurt?" Came Sebastian's voice, and Kurt just sighed, pressing his hands against his eyes. This plan was not working. He needed to focus harder. Stop thinking about Sebastian. Stop thinking about Sebastian.
"Kurt, honey?"
Kurt groaned, opening his eyes and turning to look at Carole. Carole wasn't looking at him though, and when Kurt followed her line of sight he realized she was actually looking at Sebastian. In that moment, Kurt felt what little peace he had managed to hold on to immediately leave him.
"S-Sebastian?"
"Hi..."
Kurt had no idea how Sebastian even got there, but he was there just standing in front of them in the middle of the waiting room, wearing his god awful gray beanie, a navy blue hoodie that looked at least two sizes too big for him and the most awkward expression on his face.
Kurt was caught completely off guard, completely puzzled and unable to form any words for a while. Had Sebastian really appeared out of the blue? That didn't make any sense. Kurt could even think that he was hallucinating, if it wasn't for the fact that Carole was wide eyed, taking turns between looking at Sebastian and then back at him.
"What are you doing here?"
"I… um." Sebastian hesitated, fidgeting nervously in front of Kurt. "I need to talk to you."
"You want to talk." It wasn't a question.
Sebastian nodded, and Kurt raised an eyebrow.
"Right now… You want to talk right now?"
"Uh… yeah?" Sebastian said, like it was obvious.
Sebastian was completely oblivious to how bad his timing was, and that only managed to annoy Kurt even more. So he just rolled his eyes and huffed, quickly getting up from his seat. Kurt looked at Sebastian straight in the eye but didn't say anything, turning to look down at Carole instead.
"I'll be right back." Kurt told her before grabbing Sebastian by the sleeve of his sweater and walking out of the waiting room, practically dragging Sebastian behind him.
"Hey… wait! What are you…" Sebastian protested, but stopped once Kurt gave him a massive death glare. Kurt didn't let go of him until they were in the corridor, away from the waiting room. Kurt made a beeline towards one of the small gardens of the hospital, not really caring if Sebastian was still walking behind him or not. When he was finally outside and turned around, Sebastian was there, standing in front of him with his hands awkwardly in his pockets.
Kurt breathed in and closed his eyes, hoping to calm himself down a little and brace himself for whatever it was that Sebastian wanted to talk about. Kurt hadn't spoken to Sebastian in two weeks, and didn't know what to expect from him at this point, so he crossed his arms defensively over his chest as best as he could considering he was still holding his folder.
Sebastian just stared at him intently for a couple of seconds, not really saying anything, and Kurt bit the inside of his cheek cause he really didn't have the patience for this right now.
"What do you want?" Kurt asked, and realized it had come out a little too harsh but he couldn't help it when his nerves were on edge.
"Well…" Sebastian started, "I just wanted to talk."
"So, talk."
Sebastian just shook his head exasperatedly and whispered. "Okay… you're not making this any easier." It was probably just meant to be a comment to himself; but it was loud enough that Kurt still heard it, and it made him snap.
"Oh... I'm being difficult? Are you serious right now Sebastian?"
"Y-yeah… Look, Kurt… I'm trying here, okay?"
"Trying to what?"
"To talk to you!"
Kurt could feel his heart beating fast inside his chest, and his throat hurt as he tried to speak without crying.
"Oh! Now you want to talk to me, huh?" Kurt fumed, walking towards Sebastian until they were merely inches away from each other. "After two weeks of completely ignoring me and practically telling me to go to hell... Now you wanna talk?"
Sebastian was caught completely off guard and could do nothing but gape as Kurt started hitting him with the manila folder he was holding in his hands.
"Do you have any idea how worried I was?" Kurt yelled, emphasizing every word with a smack of his folder on Sebastian's arm. "You almost bled to death in front of me! And then you just… push me away... you asshole!"
"I know… I know! I'm sorry… Kurt I'm sorry!" Sebastian shrieked, but Kurt kept smacking him. Sebastian was doing nothing to hold Kurt back from unleashing his anger on him; he just stood there as Kurt kept hitting him. It was like he knew he deserved it. Kurt wasn't hitting hard enough for it to hurt, but it was still cathartic.
"God! You are so infuriating!" Kurt yelled, a few tears escaping his eyes. He was just so frustrated at the moment that he couldn't help it anymore.
"I hate you so much!" Kurt cried, dropping his folder to the floor and reaching out grab Sebastian by his sweater, fisting his hands in the fabric and pulling him close in a weird sort of awkward embrace. It wasn't a hug, not really. Kurt just pressed his forehead against Sebastian's chest and smacked him again frustratedly.
"I hate you… and you don't even care!" Kurt sighed against Sebastian's chest before he could really realize what he was doing.
Sebastian said nothing for a moment, and Kurt realized he was pretty rigid, so he immediately let go of him, worrying he had overstepped his boundaries in a moment of frustration; but before Kurt could get away, Sebastian put his arms around him -just over his shoulders- and pulled him close.
"I do care…" Sebastian whispered against Kurt's hair. "I do, Kurt. I'm an idiot… and I'm sorry."
In that moment, it was like the floodgates were opened, and Kurt couldn't stop himself from crying. He'd been trying to hold it together but he couldn't do it anymore. Kurt just held onto Sebastian, letting his tears run free as he hid his face against Sebastian's chest. The more Kurt sobbed, the tighter Sebastian held him. It was cathartic how Kurt was just able to let go and cry himself dry. For a long time, neither of them said anything… Sebastian just let Kurt cry in his arms without asking any questions, which helped Kurt clear his mind and just let his emotions free like he'd been trying to for days now.
Kurt would have never guessed how just being there in Sebastian's arms was what he needed at the moment. Sebastian kept Kurt in his arms, moving his hands around Kurt's back in soothing circular motions. Kurt felt strangely safe in Sebastian's arms… Which was a feeling he couldn't really understand at the moment, but he didn't want to. It just felt right, and that was enough for him right now.
Kurt just wanted to get lost in the comfort and warmth of that moment, and ignore everything else. Slowly, Kurt uncurled his fists from the fabric of Sebastian's sweater and moved his hands to Sebastian's sides, hugging him. He lost track of exactly how long they stayed like that, but it was long enough for him to stop crying and start to feel calmer.
"Are you okay?" Sebastian's voice sounded like it came from far away as Kurt slowly pulled away he could be able to look at him. He wiped his eyes with one hand as they untangled themselves from their embrace, moving to sit in a nearby bench.
Sebastian took out a small plastic package of kleenex from his pocket and handed one to Kurt.
"Thanks." Kurt mumbled as he wiped his eyes and nose with the tissue. Sebastian just smiled warmly, and god, Kurt figured he needed to do some explaining now, otherwise Sebastian would think the he was reason why Kurt was having a meltdown.
"How's your dad?" Sebastian asked before Kurt could say anything.
"He's fine… Getting his last radiotherapy session today, actually." Kurt said, sniffling a little between his words. "We're seeing the doctor in afterwards so he can talk to us about his test results."
"Test results… Is that for his surgery?"
"Yeah…" Kurt sighed, and Sebastian just nodded sympathetically. "I'm sorry for… all this." Kurt said, motioning towards Sebastian's chest where Kurt had made a complete mess of snot and tears, but Sebastian just shrugged.
"Don't even worry about it… you can just pay for my dry-cleaning and we're cool."
Kurt rolled his eyes but laughed nonetheless, giving Sebastian a small shove.
"Ass."
"I'm kidding."
Kurt laughed, wiping the corner of his eye and turning the kleenex into a small ball in his hand.
Kurt thought that he would feel self conscious or embarrassed about being so vulnerable and open in front of Sebastian, but the truth was, he was feeling so exhausted that he just didn't have the energy for it anymore. Kurt looked at Sebastian's navy sweater and black skinny jeans and smiled because he'd tormented the entire family into wearing light colored clothes this morning, and it probably didn't make much of a difference. Sebastian had managed to make him feel better, and he was wearing all the wrong colors… especially with those red sneakers.
They sat there for a couple of silent minutes until Sebastian spoke again.
"I heard… Trent told me about what you did. How you asked him not to tell anyone. Thank you, for that."
Kurt perked up and turned to look at Sebastian expectantly.
"I… I'm sorry for how I behaved. I'm sorry about the text and all... you know being a jerk comes like second nature to me sometimes." Sebastian said, smiling sadly. "The whole situation was just very overwhelming… I got scared and acted out, and I'm sorry, Kurt."
Kurt didn't really know what to say, he just pressed his lips into a tight smile.
"It's okay."
"I told the Warblers, you know? They all know now."
"Really? Wow, that's… that's great, Sebastian."
"Yeah…"
"And how did it go?"
"Well, it was… interesting."
"Interesting? What happened?"
"Well..." Sebastian smiled, remembering all the things that happened since the day he told everyone. "It was alright… The guys are great and well; let's just say things have taken a turn for the good. I went to Dalton yesterday, my parents spoke to the headmaster and it seems like I can still salvage my senior year."
"Are you serious? That's amazing!" Kurt said, smiling. "I'm so glad to hear that, Sebastian."
"How about you? How have you been?" Sebastian asked, and Kurt just sighed because he really didn't know how to answer that question. He was fine, but at the same time he really wasn't. Not until his dad was out of the woods.
"I don't know… I'm just really worried about my dad. I just wish this whole thing could be over. Worrying about him is just driving me crazy, and I feel stupid because this is not about me. It's about him, and I just wish there was more that I could do. I feel so useless."
"Kurt, don't say that… you're doing enough."
Kurt just smiled, but they were interrupted before he could say anything.
"Hey Kurt!" Burt called out from the door of the hospital corridor.
"Dad! Oh my god…" Kurt said, getting up from the bench and trying helplessly to fix his hair and face, even though he knew it was a hopeless case. Kurt wouldn't be able to hide the fact that he'd been crying. Not with how puffy his eyes were.
Burt walked over to them as Sebastian kneeled down to pick up Kurt's folder. By the time Sebastian stood up to face Burt it was obvious that the older man picked up on that something was going on.
"Is everything alright?" Burt asked sternly, looking at Kurt and then at Sebastian. Kurt saw the look on his dad's face and realized what he must have been thinking.
"Yeah... Dad, I'm fine. Sebastian and I were just... T-talking and I just..." Kurt didn't know how to explain to his dad without given away just how terrified he was about his condition. "I guess I just took the whole "shoulder to cry on" thing too literally with Sebastian, that's all."
Burt seemed to get it then, realizing Sebastian wasn't to blame for making Kurt cry, cause his features softened and he put his arm around Kurt.
"Kurt… it's going to be fine. We have faced so much together; we'll make it past this too! Doctor Lewis is waiting for us. Let's get this done… Alright?"
Kurt nodded and tried to smile as the three of them walked back into the hospital. Carole was waiting for them in the hallway and offered Kurt a small paper cup with fresh water. Kurt hugged her and smiled, drinking the water and managing to feel a little better.
Sebastian walked with them up until they reached the doctor's office. "Well... I guess I'll leave you guys to it." He said, smiling awkwardly at the three of them.
Kurt looked at Sebastian and then at his dad, not feeling quite sure about what to do.
"You can come in if you want, it's fine by me." Said Burt, but Sebastian just smiled.
"Thanks, but… It's a personal moment for your family, and I don't want to intervene. You guys go ahead." Sebastian said, looking at Kurt who was trying really hard to stay calm and collected when he could feel his stomach doing somersaults. Before Kurt could say anything, Sebastian reached out and gave his hand a little squeeze, "I'll wait here, okay?"
Kurt nodded and held onto Sebastian's hand for the briefest second before walking into the doctor's office.
Sebastian found a seat in the waiting room and sat down while Kurt and his family went into the office. He sat down and breathed in, feeling a strange mix of emotions overrunning him. He'd been so nervous about talking to Kurt but in the end things had worked out… even if the way everything happened was completely unexpected.
Sebastian had always seen Kurt putting a strong front, being the one talking sense and encouragement to him in the times he needed it the most. But now the tables had turned; Kurt had been the one who was broken and scared and Sebastian had to be the one to try to make him feel better. He still couldn't believe the things that happened just minutes ago, but he could still feel the smell of Kurt's cologne over his clothes. Kurt smelled really good, Sebastian noted. Just the right amount of fruity and spicy.
Sebastian sat there in the waiting room hoping that whatever news the doctor had for Kurt's dad were positive. He was relieved that Kurt had not insisted on him going in with them because as much as Sebastian wanted to support Kurt, he was not sure how he would react if the news for Kurt's dad were bad. After all, Sebastian was in a similar situation and he really wasn't doing a great job at coping on his own.
After almost twenty minutes, Kurt and his family came out of the doctor's office. Sebastian smiled wide as he saw the look of complete joy that Kurt had as he walked up to him.
Sebastian's breath hitched as Kurt hugged him tightly and said: "It worked! The treatment worked!"
"That's awesome, Kurt!" Sebastian felt happy and relieved, the smiles on Carole and Burt's faces matched Kurt's own and he was very happy for them. "So… What does that mean? Are you in remission?" Sebastian asked Burt once Kurt had let go of him.
"Not quite yet." Burt said, still smiling. "But the treatment managed to get rid of most of the cancer. The doctor says we'll wait four weeks and run some tests again, and then he can tell us if the surgery is even necessary, or maybe just another round of radiation. We'll have to wait and see."
Sebastian didn't quite understand much about how prostate cancer treatment worked, since Leukemia was a completely different kind of cancer. But he was happy to see that things looked good for Kurt's dad.
"That's really great… Congrats." Sebastian said again and Burt smiled.
"Well… I think these new developments call for a celebration." Burt exclaimed to the three of them. "We should all go out for lunch… My treat! What do you guys say?"
"Yes please… I'm starving." Kurt admitted and they all laughed as they walked to the parking lot.
Seeing Kurt smiling and looking optimistic again was a drastic change from how stressed he'd first been when Sebastian saw him that morning. Sebastian felt happy for Kurt and his dad, and at the same time couldn't help but feel a little jealous. Sebastian could only hope that his own cancer treatment was working as well, because he wanted nothing more than to be able to celebrate like them.
Author's note: So... they finally talked! Yay! What did you guys think? I hope you liked the chapter :) I just wanted to thank all of you guys who always leave lovely comments because you make my day every time. I can't believe there is more than 400 of you subscribed to my little story... Wow, really THANK YOU!